In the very niche world of purposefully annoying your aging parents with asinine phone calls, I am undeniably the greatest to ever have done it.
I called my mom just to ask her dumb stuff four times in five minutes the other day.
Like, I'm amazing at this, y'all.
Reddit user Glade_Runner asked:
"What person alive today is undeniably and rightfully regarded as the greatest of all time in their field?"
Greatness happens all around you, fam.
Here are the names Reddit came up with:
Better Composers
"When Steven Spielberg approached John Williams to compose for Schindler's List, the latter saw a cut of the film and said 'there are better composers for this than me.' "
"Spielberg replied, 'I know, but they're all dead.' "
- AdvocateSaint
"John Williams has made some of the most iconic songs for movies that are still well known decades later. Most people know at least one song from Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Harry Potter."
- fermenttodothat
We Need A P.O.V.
Simone Biles Sport GIF by Team USAGiphy"Simone Biles."
"They didn't even know how to score the complexity of what she was doing."
"If you made her routines into a theme park ride everyone would f*cking puke and have no idea what is up, down, or where they even where."
- diegojones4
"Simone Biles wakes up everyday and says 'f*ck physics.' ”
- cleo-banana
"Oh man - now I want to see a demo where she has a Go-Pro on her so you see what she sees as she does her floor and vault."
"And yes, people would get motion sickness watching it. Might also give people a true understanding of 'the twisties' which sounds funny but definitely isn't."
- Best_Industry2203
The Best AND Second Best
"Ronnie O'Sullivan - snooker."
- 10110101101_
"For those not in the know, there was a period where the second-best snooker player in the world was also Ronnie o’Sullivan, but playing left-handed."
- pm_me_your_charlie
"This is the one where there isn't really an argument. Virtually every current and former professional snooker player believes O'Sullivan is the best there's ever been."
"He's widely spoken of as the benchmark against which all other players are judged."
"And yeah, as others have said, he was the world's best player with his right hand, and a top 4 player with his left hand, which is just incredible."
"There's no other 'handed' sportsman who was the best with his dominant arm and a top-4 or better player with his other arm. Hasn't happened in tennis, cricket, golf, baseball, badminton, etc."
- OmNomDeBonBon
A Testicular Game Changer
"Dr. Lawrence Einhorn discovered using platinum-based chemo for testicular cancer. This resulted in cure rates jumping from bleak to over 95%."
- farmerjohn_
"Cisplatin, the drug he pioneered for testicular cancer, is now used to help treat several other cancers, including those of the head and neck."
- alexandercecil
Tiger-Proofed
Tiger Woods Sport GIFGiphy"Tiger Woods was so dominant that he literally changed the game to make it more difficult for him."
"Courses went way longer and became much more challenging. Courses were boasting that they were 'Tiger-proofed.' "
"They'd brag about how Tiger wouldn't be able to shoot par and he would go out and conquer the course."
"Professional golfers in interviews talk about how finishing in second place in a major tournament wasn't even the best part of the day, it was getting to play a round with and admire Tiger."
"Obviously, he has had a fall from grace, but there are more people in the world who took up golf because they admired how dominant Tiger was than any other athlete."
"Gretzky opened up hockey to the American south when he was traded to LA, but Tiger opened up golf to the entire world."
- livinthetidelife
When A Name Says It All
"John B Goodenough."
"Nobody else will ever be good enough after this dude. He invented modern lithium batteries and is currently advancing the next generation of batteries."
"Cheap to produce, recyclable, and are rechargeable with multiple generations of effective charging cycles. Dude reinvented the battery twice!"
- SafetyJosh4life
"I thought you were making his name up. I was like no f*cking way this dudes name is John B Goodenough, but lo and behold Wiki says it’s real."
- Brandon_The_Binosaur
"He also invented Random access memory which is used in every computer too!"
"1980 for Li batteries and 1952 for RAM in air defense computers."
"The cheaper batteries OP mentioned are solid-state batteries which have a much higher energy density than Li ones, are lighter, cheaper to make, recyclable and don't use (or use far less) rare earth metals."
"This guy is almost 100 and just keeps going."
- AlexCook123
"He's a professor, too! That guy is 99 but still teaching at U Chicago."
- Greedy-Secretary-553
She May Never Be Topped
"My fan girl moment is heeeere! Janja Garnbret is undeniably the greatest competition climber in the history of competition climbing, both men and women."
"For comparison, in the men's top competition athletes, both Jakob Shubert and Adam Ondra won 7 world cup seasons and 3 championships. They have been competing in the circuit since 2007 and 2009 respectively."
"Janja has won 9 world cup seasons (in lead and bouldering) and 6 championships (lead, boulder, and combined) and she's only been on the circuit since 2015!!"
"Adam ondra is known (in part) for being the only male athlete to win world cup season titles in both lead and bouldering and for winning championship titles for both in one year."
"Not only has Janja done that; she also is the only athlete (male or female) to win every boulder world cup in a season (2019), to win two championships in a row (boulder and combined, 2018 and 2019.)
"She's one of 2 athletes to win a gold medal at the Olympics by winning both the lead and the boulder round."
"The male gold medalist's win is highly debated."
"So yeah Janja Garnbret may never be topped."
- IHaveNoClue_98
A Long-Running And Unchallenged GOAT
Tim And Eric Comedy GIFGiphy"Weird Al Yankovic is the GOAT of parodies."
- bagpipesfart
"And relevant for… what, 40 years?"
"It’s mind blowing that he is still famous and beloved (in the best way)."
- Secular-Flesh
"Five artists have top 40 hits in 80s, 90s, 00s, and 10s."
"Michael Jackson, Madonna, Kenny G, U2 ...and Weird Al."
- turducken138
"And if you think about it, he is an INSANELY good vocalist."
"It's one thing to sing somebody else's song. But Weird Al sings their song in their vocal style, matching their inflections and intonations."
"It's kind of mind blowing how he was able to make it sound LIKE the song, not just a simple cover with changed lyrics for comedy."
"And its mind blowing because for pretty much everybody the exact minute detail of how you sing a lyric, and the tonality of your voice is basically hard coded by your anatomy. So Al has to modify HOW he makes sounds to force his vocal anatomy to function differently rather the way it wants to."
"It's a bit like re-learning to walk with every song."
"And then...he will do a live concert where he strings the songs together, back to back, so he can flip from one artist's style to another instantly. No need for a warm up, or a bit practice to 'get into the mode.' He just jumps at will."
"The man its quite a good musician all around."
- nordoceltic82
Showboating
"Usian Bolt is the greatest sprinter in history and I would have a hard time taking anyone seriously if they opposed that."
"Nobody every repeated in the 100m at the Olympics. (Carl Lewis got beat, and should have been banned himself that summer.)"
"Bolt 3 peated in both the 1 & 2!"
"And 13 years later, nobody has been within a tenth of his 100m record. And only his teammate has been within 3 tenths of his 200m WR."
- killbot0224
"Even more intriguingly, he showboated in the 2008 Olympic 100m final."
"If I recall correctly, he started slowing down, beating his chest and mock-running at about the 70m mark, which is incredible. His time was 9.69, and if he'd run full tilt it's possible he would've run faster than 9.58, the record he set a year later that still stands."
"Even while showboating, he utterly annihilated what was by far the strongest 100m field in Olympic history."
"Looking at the list of 100m records, the 9.58 in Berlin has stood for 12 years and 7 months."
"This is the longest-standing 100m record since Jim Hines held it for 14 years and 8 months, ending in 1983. Hines' record, however, was set at high altitude in Mexico City."
"As Michael Johnson once said, the person to beat Usain Bolt's records has probably not been born yet."
- OmNomDeBonBon
A Stretcher, Not A Chaser
The Simpsons Animation GIF by FOX TVGiphy"Jane Goodall."
- Stinkydadman
"This was the name that popped into my head immediately. Seems like one of the more 'undeniable' ones to me."
- alniwoo
"Not only she was the undeniably best in the field, but she basically laid down the foundations for so many other studies in primates and comparative behaviour."
"She was a stretcher and not a chaser."
- Tamarnouche
Four Decades Of Pop Culture
"Shigeru Miyamoto, the game designer."
"From Donkey Kong in 1981 through to Zelda: Breath of the Wild in 2017 - that's nearly four decades of critically acclaimed smash hit games."
- [Reddit]
"This should be at the top. Huge influence in the gaming world and pop culture."
- Steve_Kastle_75
"He is single handedly the reason Nintendo is still alive and well today."
"It's insane that when he wants to, he just completely changes entire genres because the games he makes are so good. BotW alone was so good that the game that basically copied it is, in and of itself, a huge hit."
- Mr_Dunk_McDunk
Alright readers, who is your GOAT and what are they the GOAT at?
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"Meat lovers would you date a vegan or vegetarian, and vice versa, why/ why not?"
To Each Their Own
"If they don’t force me to go on the same diet as them I would date them."- Daisyline27
Not Remotely An Issue
"Date?"
"I married one."
"I still eat meat but enjoy cooking meals we both can eat."- davidfavel
"I've (36 M[ale]) been vegetarian since I was 18."
"My wife (37 F[emale]) is a meat eater in a way that only a south east Asian can be."
"She enthusiastically eats everything."
"We have been together for over a decade and have two children, there have been zero problems."- ndraiay
Date one?"
"Hell I married one, and we're still together more than 30 years later."- LJ_Wanderer
"Yeah."
"I have. Wasn’t much of an issue."- iAmPresidentNixonAMA
shocked my big fat greek wedding GIFGiphyWilling To Expand Their Palette
"Sure."
"I do a day or two here and there veg anyway, maybe they can show me some new foods or recipes."- Drew-
"Yea I love me some meat. But the vegan and vegetarian options are good."- mrsnowplow
As Long As There's Respect
"As a vegetarian I would and have dated meat lovers, as long as they don’t make a ton of jokes about slipping meat into my food without me noticing (which has happened) or get super preachy about why i should be eating meat/ why being vegetarian isn’t actually better for the environment (which has also happened)."
"For the record, I never push my beliefs onto anyone I’m dating or expect them to change their diet for me."-FigCompetitive5599
"I don’t see why not, assuming they wouldn’t try to change my diet or something."- MahouShounenKerenKun
"Vegan here for 6 years now."
"I’ve only ever been with meat eaters."
"I would do it again too lol."
"As long as you both aren’t trying to change each other it shouldn’t matter."
"As for eating out/ cooking, people who care for one another are willing to make a few compromises or tweaks to their meals if needed."
"Meaning we can both get something different to eat out, we take turns choosing restaurants ( Not picky I’ll eat anything as long as it falls under my dietary restrictions as for my partners in the past they were always willing to try something new ) and if we’re cooking or if they are we just make some tweaks to make my meal vegan or we’ll both eat vegan."
"My past partners haven’t had any complaints for what it’s worth lol."
"As long as you both have mutual respect for one another you can make it work!."- Lazuli111_
Episode 16 Vegan GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyLogical, I Guess?
"If this were the apocalypse and food was scarce, sure I'd probably go my separate way (after trading my partner to scavengers for meat) but in today's normal world where we can both readily buy what we want, who gives a f*ck."- AdmiralBarackAdama
Easy Ways To Work Around It
"Vegetarian married to a meat eater."
'We normally eat veg at home, just because neither of know how to cook meat."- VeeRook
Easy For Meat Eaters, Less So For Vegetarians And Vegans
"I feel like a vegan would have a way harder time tolerating a SO who eats meat considering their typical moral/ethical stances on the livestock industry."- C-Kwentz-0
Vegan Veganism GIFGiphyIt's All About Compromise
"I love meat and am happily married to a vegetarian."
"One of our kids loves meat, the other two don’t eat it."
"Sure, we’ve had to compromise at times, but that’s what a relationship is all about."- jalexgray4
One's taste in food is very personal, and no one should ever convince you to change it, particularly if your taste in food stems from even bigger beliefs.
That being said, sometimes love can be strong enough to make you overlook the steaks you'd rather not have in your freezer, or settle for buffalo cauliflower at a Super Bowl party.
"Detectives of Reddit, what was the strangest case you’ve ever investigated?"
Did NO One Notice Earlier?!?!
"All right, detective now but this happened when I was on patrol several years ago."
"Got a call to check the welfare of a guy whose neighbor hadn't seen him in a couple years."
"Why it took so long to report."
"But it was out in a rural area."
"Anyway, we roll up and the windows are black with mould and flies."
"Car is parked in the garage."
"No signs of forced entry."
"Breach the door and find said guy wrapped up in a phone cord beside a toppled chair in his dining room."
"He was mummified/melting into the carpet."
"Barely recognizable as a human aside from his shape and clothes."
"The smell of him mingled with the inches of stagnant water in his basement from burst pipes and all the dead flies and mould."
"I'll never forget it."
"We also found two bags of groceries neatly packed on the floor in his kitchen."
"House was very tidy as well."
"No witnesses."
"Estranged from his family."
"Clearly had a cat but we never found its remains."
"Medical record indicated he had a heart condition."
"My theory is he was having a heart attack and tried to call 911 but never got to make the call."
"Perhaps the creepiest part?'
"His mailbox was overflowing with past due bills and cancelled utility notices."
"The last one was a couple months old."
'And it STILL too someone that long to call."- Scorface
Truly Disgusting Breach of Protocol
"An internal affairs case at a prison I used to work at."
"Though I wasn't with the Internal Affairs Bureau or the State's Investigator's Office, holy sh*t this was a fiasco."
"In the segregation unit of the prison, there was a very eccentric sergeant who worked out constantly and liked to sit in front of cells and talk to the inmates about life for hours on end."
"He routinely went to the gym with one of the nurses who gave inmates their nightly medications."
"One evening, one of the inmates is escorted out for his insulin shot."
"The inmate makes an offhand comment to the nurse, 'you going to Gold's Gym in Anytown after work?'"
"The escorting officer reports it, as personal information of that nature is a security risk."
"The sergeant is instantly put into speculation and the nurse reports that they are gym partners."
"There are anonymous reports that he is having unscheduled, personal conversations with inmates in the cell house."
"People will not go near him."
"'F*ck no, you wanna tell the child predators what school my kids go to while you're at it?'"
"A few weeks later, there's an allegation that the nurse was having an affair with the exact inmate who made the gym comment."
"But so far unfounded, so they ensure that none of the three people are in the same part of the prison while they investigate further."
"They need to rule out that this also isn't some form of retaliation on the sergeant's behalf."
"During the investigation, an oddity is discovered."
'The inmate lived several hours away, but was receiving Western Union money orders to his account from a relatively close gas station."
"They acquire surveillance footage."
"Sure enough, it's the nurse."
"She's been putting money on the inmate's books for several months under a false identity."
"During the routine pill line for general population, the nurse will be locked in a small, secure room with a pass-through for medications."
"It was revealed that she would hide in the corner and masturbate and expose herself when he came to the door."
'He intentionally violated prison directives to be sent to segregation because she told him of an upcoming change in the nursing rotation."
"They set the sergeant up as a red herring."
"She eventually resigned, and I'm unsure what legal action was taken."
"The inmate was moved to a different facility."- marvelousteat
Old School Computer Crimes
"I was not the detective, but I assisted as the person who knew the most about technology."
"Back in the 1990s when RAM sticks were about $50-75 per MB, somebody broke/snuck into a computer lab, opened up a dozen computers, and replaced each computer's 4 4MB RAM sticks with 4 1MB sticks."
"Nobody noticed."
"The time frame for the crime was 'sometime between September 1st and January 10th'."
"No video, no door key-cards, No suspects."- hymie0
season 10 gun GIFGiphyCreepy, And Sloppy, Cover Up
"Not a detective but something did happen in my apartment society."
"It's a gated society with 5 buildings, and one morning there was a huge crowd in front of one of the buildings."
"Turns out that a woman had jumped from the fifth floor into the elevator lobby area around 3 in the morning or so."
"One of my friends dad was first on the scene as he said that he heard a loud boom sound around that time and went to check it out."
"Here's where things get shady."
"The woman was living with her husband and MIL, and when people went to ask the MIL whether she could confirm that it was her son's wife she looked over the edge of the fifth floor at the body below and said, 'Oh yes, that's her'."
"In a completely neutral tone."
"Local PD got suspicious and checked the lobby cameras for any clues."
"It turned out that the husband had tried to strangle her (rope marks on the neck), and then took her to the NINTH floor and dropped her."
"The piece-de-resistance?"
"The camera showed her slippers dropping a whole 5 minutes after her body hit the ground."
"The husband threw her off and skipped town, and a background check revealed that this was his second marriage and there were rumors that he and his mother burned his first wife alive."
"For a solid month or so, I had to escort residents to their homes because people in that building were terrified of what could happen."- Ultraleo1
Leave It To The Professionals
"Not a detective but I contacted my detective to run the incident by him.'
"I was a Field Training Officer training a new Deputy for my department."
"We received a call about a lady who was stranded at a gas station (essentially a check well being call)."
"My trainee and I responded to the gas station and made contact with the lady."
"She stated she was staying at a hotel nearby and did not need any assistance."
"My trainee spoke with her more and she mentioned the government was after her and kind of went off into a weird conversation that didn’t make a whole lot of since."
"On her car she had a bunch of missing posters/flyers of a man that went 'missing' from California the state."
"I asked about the missing man and she told me it was her husband and he went missing years ago and she was 'on a mission to find him'.”
"She mentioned she found body parts in her home in California and my trainee asked if that had been investigated, which she stated it had been by a local department."
"Out of curiosity I asked her what kind of body parts she found in her home and she stated human toes."
"That sparked my interest and I asked her where are they now."
"The woman looks me in the eye and states 'they are in my purse would you like to see them?'”
"In complete shock I tell her of course and I’m thinking to myself there is no way this woman has human body parts in her purse."
"Surely enough we walked over to her car, she reaches in and grabs a medicine bottle filled with formaldehyde."
"Inside the bottle of formaldehyde are 3 human toes (big toe, and two smaller toes)."
" I asked her where she got the toes and she said she found them in her house In California."
"She advised she had no idea who’s toes they were."
"It should be noted the bottle of formaldehyde had medical tape around the cap indicating it was sealed."
"Long story short I made contact with my investigator and we determined it was not illegal to possess human toes in the way she had them."
"Of course I’m thinking she murdered her ex and cut his toes off and kept them for some reason."
"I decided to look into it further and it was determined the 'missing' ex left her for another woman and he was fine."
"The woman’s sister stated the woman took a bunch of meds for many different issues and eventually quit taking them (hence the abnormal behavior.)"
"I never did figure out who’s toes they were and eventually sent her on her way."
"We determined they were likely removed by a medical professional in a hospital and someone decided to keep them."- DarrellTheRipper
Old Lady Reaction GIFGiphyThe Endless Problem Of Cyber Scams
"I work as forensic expert in the field of computer science for a few years."
'There were many strange cases I investigated during my career, for example:"
"A woman lost about 50 000 euros with internet scammer.'
"She was chatting with a man who was impersonating USA soldier and told her he's in love with her and need to get 1000 euro to arrive to her."
'She sent him money so he continued scamming and promised he would buy a house for them to live together so she send another 50 000 euro to him and then he disappeared."
"She was shocked and reported it to police."
'They took her phone and PC to investigate further.'
"Few years ago police took around 20 Macbooks from a small company to investigate for frauding and fake invoices.'
"Unfortunately they only took monitors since they thought every stationary Mac is iMac."
"When they returned few days later to that company there wasn't any PC's left so the investigation was discontinued."- pureavo
Small Town Shenanigans
'Not really a case but my grandad was the first and only one armed detective in our small town, in England."
"One day a bull got loose in a neighboring village and he was called to go and shoot it."
"As he went to the gun safe the ammo was there but no gun to be found."
"When he enquired as to it’s whereabouts, It turned out the police force had lent it to the amateur dramatics society that night for a play."
"How times have changed."- Low-Wrangler929
the office gun GIFGiphyDetectives will be tasked with all kinds of cases.
Some of which will haunt their memories forever.
Others that will always come in handy when they need a laugh.
Redditor KnownNormie wanted to hear about the times when people went looking for a job, and then went running away because of a few hints that things maybe a little "off the rails," while in the interview process, so they asked:
"What’s the biggest red flag during an employment interview?"
I was once in an interview and the manager cried due to the understaffing.
I didn't even leave a tissue as I ran away.
May the Odds...
"30 people in the lobby, 'Some of you will be lucky enough to be chosen.'"
gobigred3562
Hunger Games Student GIFGiphyLet's Talk
"An employee offered to walk me out of the building after my interview and took the opportunity to basically warn me (in not so many words) about what the job really entailed. He was super-friendly and diplomatic, just like he was making small-talk, shooting the sh*t with me, then 'did they mention you’d get to do X?'"
"'Because if you’ve got your heart set on that, you might be disappointed with the reality of the role,' that kinda thing. Especially when he heard I was fresh out of college and would have had to move country for the job."
"Basically the job ad was complete BS, and he was making sure I knew. I will be forever grateful to people like him."
ididitforcheese
Evaluations
"When I mentioned a company's dismal Glassdoor evaluations, they became so enraged that they ended the interview. Well. I suppose I escaped that danger."
Even_Beginndsasws
"On the other hand -- I've had some good luck bringing up a company's positive Glassdoor and Indeed reviews when the scores are considerably higher than expected. It's exceptionally rare for companies to post above a 4.0 without serious vote manipulation."
"And I've run across some companies with 4.8/5 and higher. Asking how the company managed to end up with such a high employee satisfaction score gets them talking about what people like about working there, and you can easily tell if they're bullshi**ing you."
Chastain86
History Lessons
"Not being clear about why the position opened."
Earth-Rat
"Sometimes it really is a liability to discuss. I knew a guy that was fired for embezzling, in the aftermath the company really couldn't discuss it. It is very annoying to be silent on something, but it is necessary from time to time."
snowgorilla13
I conduct job interviews as part of my job. This is something that I cannot reveal to prospects due to confidentiality; two of the last three people I hired were hired to replace others who had been fired."
BobBelcher2021
Hey Lisa
"Being a nanny you get some bizarre ones. It’s not HR or a business owner. It’s Lisa the 27-year-old first-time mother. Who hasn’t done anything in her life. The biggest red flag was probably when she asked if I’d be interested in inducing lactation to nurse her baby."
Onlyfansnanny
Home Video Baby GIF by Apple TV+GiphyI don't know how anyone likes to babysit.
Kids are stressful to care for. Then you add parents. Oof.
TMI... thank you
"My recent interview with what I thought would be a dream job went like this:"
"'You know you're the 6th person we've tried to make this position work for and we're starting to think it's us.'"
Seedinthethorns
Seth Meyers Lol GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphyDownhill
"Group interviews are a giant red flag. I remember being recruited for a 'sales job' selling textbooks door to door and having to go to whatever state they sent you to in the summer. At first, they had 20 of us meet in a local Mexican restaurant and then when I had my one on one in college hall or somewhere, it went downhill."
JuniorsEyes90
Where's the Fun?
"The office has a break room with games, pool table, etc, that looks like no one has touched it in months."
WorriedlyFretful
"Funny thing is I work for a small family own company, we have a Ping pong table but it's because the family is obsessed with it. like they play each other at lunch or will stay after work to play a round. it's all in good fun and you better believe most days at 5pm sharp there is a mad dash to get the hell out of there by everyone."
glucoseintolerant
I See You
"I've posted on this before, but one I don't see mentioned a lot is the eyes of the interviewers. I'm not talking about do they seem shifty or whatever, I mean, do the people you're talking to seem chill and well-rested? Or are their eyes bloodshot, dark circles under them, and they seem exhausted?"
"It's harder to tell in a Zoom interview, but you can look for it once you start to notice it. I've said no to companies based on this alone. If everyone in a company looks tired, it's because they are stressed out and/or working extra hours all the time."
"Big red flag."
jseego
Not even a DVD?
"In 2017 I interviewed to teach at a small community college. It was a day-long affair and they showed me a video on the history of the school. The video was on VHS. Did I say it was in 2017?"
discostud1515
Animated GIFGiphyWhen interviewing for a job... always follow your gut.
If it says run... RUN!!
