The Dumbest Things Religious People Have Ever Called 'Satantic'

5 Magic the Gathering land cards fanned out on a black background
Photo by Ryan Quintal on Unsplash

The trend of calling anything misunderstood "Satanic" definitely isn't a new one, and the list of supposedly devilish things is quite extensive.

One Redditor asked:

"Whats the dumbest thing you have seen a religious person call 'Satanic'?"

Don't Filter Your Blood

"​A dialysis machine, lady didn’t want her mom hooked up to a dialysis machine because it looked “evil” and “from satan”. We informed her if her mom wasn’t on dialysis she would die, she was convinced prayer would be enough, 2 days later her moms heart stopped and she died. Her daughter lied and tried to say we didn’t inform her of the risks, but thanks to multiple people writing that this was her wishes."

- Noimnotonacid

​Not Depressed, Posessed!

​"Depression and anxiety. My dad told me that it was demons possessing me."

"He wasn’t very happy when I decided to major in psychology."

- Consistent_Bee_2327

​The Internet Is For ... Satan

"In '96 or so, in an AOL chat room, a woman told me she didn't believe in science, and that anyone who claimed to be a scientist was just a manifestation of the devil's plan to trick people away from the glory of God."

"On AOL.... on the internet... This statement has followed me over the decades haunting my memory because I cannot honestly fathom, no matter how hard I try, what sort of mental paradigm this person had to exist in to actually believe that science was the work of Satan, while simultaneously using AOL chat rooms daily (I had talked to this woman frequently.), and not realizing the hypocrisy of such a statement."

"I dunno where you are, lady, but just know you've impacted my life in some small measure with this single statement. I hope you're in a better headspace, now."

- Egotism

"Using AOL chatrooms daily IN THE 90s when internet communication was still a super niche thing only done by the very young or the very nerdy."

- CyptidProductions

"She likely just had no idea what science actually is. Lot of people in the world seem to think it's basically a different kind of religion with a specific set of beliefs instead of what it actually is: A methodology to gather and analyze information."

- NotTheGreatPumpkin

Pocket Monsters​

​"When my parents spent 5 years giving me pokemon cards for good grades because I loved collecting/playing, then they got a chain email about demons in the cards and made me burn them. I had to pour gas on them and burn them. I was 9."

"Edit: This is way more widespread than I would have ever thought. We are kin. Yes my parents are nuts, my kids don’t see them, and I love treating my 6yo to a pack whenever we need a pick-me-up. Much love."

- avengecolonehughes

"I knew this one would be here, because my mother made us do the same. I still remember my brother crying his eyes out as he threw Eevee into the fire."

- pantherpants0

Eat My Demonic Shorts

"​When I was young I was told by my grandmother that The Simpsons was demonic because it taught children to disrespect their parents. So I never got to watch The Simpsons but still learned to disrespect my parents anyway."

- Jfitz432

​Not WASP? Must Be Satanic

​"A wood carving of a salmon."

"I think it was more 'this is isn't a part of my culture, therefore satanic.'"

For context, they were a tourist and the offending wooden fish in question was carved and painted in a west coast indigenous art style."

- Paneechio

"Ah yes, the classic using religious excuses to be racist bigots. I’m originally from southern MO, that kind of stuff was all over. If it wasn’t white/conservative/Christian it was evil."

- Regular_Sample_5197

Hair Of The Devil

​"My hairstyle because it slightly covered one of my eyes... and apparently having especially droopy hair that day made me a satanist"

- No-Ad2323

"My hair stands on end and my mom was told by a very helpful neighbor that my hair was suspicious. Of course, my neighbor herself, wasn't suspicious - no no - just wanted to make sure my mom was aware my hair could be suspicious."

"My mom asked 'of what?' and our neighbor changed the topic."

"Yeah, we had one of THOSE neighbors."

- Ganglebot

​Bird Code

​"well, my ex friend's mom said my bird's leg band was a satanic code and a government tracker. it's not. it's for Identifying lost/stolen birds."

- Ether_The_Wolf

No Tasty Eggs For Them

​"Deviled Eggs… cause it had the word devil in it. 🤦🏻‍♂️"

- beasty_bear

The Devil's Music

"My grandmother says rock music is based on "'agan African rhythms'. She's had this opinion since the 60's."

- FrickGoogle

"Someone: I wish people would acknowledge the African/Afro-American origins of rock instead of thinking its a white man's genre."

"Monkeys paw: * curls *"

- TheFailMoreMan

Some of these are laughable... and those poor kids and their pocket monsters.

Do you have anything to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.

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