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People Who Thoroughly Read The Terms And Conditions Share The Strangest Things They've Found

People Who Thoroughly Read The Terms And Conditions Share The Strangest Things They've Found
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Let's be honest, most of us don't read the Terms and Conditions before we click that little "I Agree" button. Most of you probably aren't even going to read this intro.

A huge chunk of you are going to open this article and immediately scroll to "the meat" because we're all about getting to the good stuff. But that rush can sometimes mean missing out on some seriously important tidbits of info.


For me, not reading the terms and conditions before signing up for an image site meant I wasn't aware my images could just end up anywhere... and that's how a whole group of people in Nigeria think I'm in the illuminati and was punished by God.

It's a long story, and I'm not going to go into it again in this article, but if you're interested I promise it's not hard to find with a little Google-fu.

For others, not reading the terms and conditions ends up as the mother of all cautionary tales played out in the courts.

One Reddit user asked:

Users who read the terms and conditions, what are some of the worst things we've agreed to without paying attention?

Some responses were horrifying in a way. Not catching these could have had some pretty ugly repercussions.

The Catch Was...

Giphy

I financed some furniture when I was young and getting established in my first professional job. It was interest-free financing for the first 12 months.

The catch was that if you paid late, they would charge you a fee, back-interest from the beginning of the loan period, and you would lose the interest free status for the rest of the loan. The APR was 29.9%, compounded monthly!

I couldn't imagine getting to the 11th payment and having something go wrong so a payment is late, then pay basically double what I had financed on the furniture.

I paid it off in 6 months, and I never did in-store financing again.

- EngineeringQueen

This is most interest free gimmicks. Educate your friends. Usually the young ones fall victim to this.

- Chimmiii

I sold furniture and we had financing like this and I made sure to always tells my customers this so they couldn't come at me later on down the road. Others didn't and it just seemed so shady and f*cked up to me.

- Piccolo_known

Get It From The Next Owner

I almost signed a contract that granted 50% of profits to the previous owner of the business for 3 years. It was a restaurant that used a conventional microwave instead of an actual oven.

This was back in the early 2000's and this place had a wonderful 50's vibe. From the bar, to the stools to booths - but it was empty because the food was SO bad and there was fast food up the road.

We were going to get a pizza oven in there and turn it into a Pizza/Shake place with soup in the winter.

When the law STUDENT we paid $500 to look over everything (DO THIS!) asked the seller about it for us, they said that they had sunk so much money into the business, the only way to make the money back was to get it from the next owner somehow.

Good luck with that.

We could not get them to remove that clause, the owner was hellbent on making the next person be the one to make the business successful and pay them.


So I never pulled the trigger and didn't really bother looking into other restaurants. I'm not sure I'd do it now, honestly. With the capital and the same opportunity...that's still a tough sale. My life is very different. I didn't have children.

I had never started a business, so I didn't know how much work it is. I also learned SO much more about food since then. Food was NEVER my dream though.

I was going to be in charge though, this time without corporate crap.

I just don't know.

Still what a dream SPOT! I didn't do it justice, there were 4 video games in a room and a balcony up top. There was a lot next to it and it's freeway adjacent I mean COME ON!

The only problem was the crappy food. Someone, no joke, built a 50's style restaurant next to a highway, forgot to equip it with an oven, and just did nothing about it for years.

You give me that same contract today without the clause and the backing I had...

50/50 shot on me dropping everything for it still.

If I got rich one day I promise to check up on it. If it's in bad hands at all I'll buy it and make it better. Name it after my grandpa who was a restaurant owner.

- Laethin7

18 Months

A realtor once gave me a contract that said she would be the only person allowed to represent the property for 18 months.

That means that they were the only person that could try to sell the house. For a year and a half. We could not work with a different agent if we felt that this one wasn't doing enough, not responding, if we weren't happy, etc.

If we did, this agent would still get commission from the sale that that other agent actually made.

Nope. No way was I going to agree to being attached to someone for a year and a half like that. We found a different realtor with a 3 month term (which is much closer to standard), told the first one that her terms were ridiculous, and was under contract within 10 days.

- Tricky-Garden

Idol Entitlement

Canadian Idol auditions when the first show was announced. Read the contract to the very end after signing it.

"you agree to being filmed 24/7. We can enter your room at any time and record personal phone calls and interactions with anyone."

That received a hard no for me. Ripped up the contract and never looked back. Thank god I read that before submitting it.

- jenskal

Tell the camera crew to get out or get weird.

- WielderOfDaNWordPass

Fine want to record me 24/7? Congrats, I have IBS.

- wanderurlyy

Phone Privileges

To be able to link my phone's outlook reader to my university account, I would had to give the IT-department permission to wipe my phone clean "if needed."

No thanks, I'll just use browser instead.

- craftaliis

I saw an employment contract where, if you did any company business on your cell phone, they could go through your phone and delete/restrict basically whatever they wanted.

I advised my friend to make a company-provided phone part of her contract.

- EngineeringQueen

Yeah. Someone at my old company had a commonish name, and someone lost their phone... and the company wiped the wrong phone.

- blargh2947

The Good Ol' US of A

Season 3 America GIF by Broad CityGiphy

Any health and safety terms and conditions in USA.

I was working on adapting a US one for a charity event in the UK run by the same people and oh boy you cannot get away with that here. One line said if an employee harmed you in any way (even intentionally), you could not sue...

What!?

- lt52-

Keep It

Free ceiling insulation.

The catch? You allowed a company to install temperature sensors around the inside of your house, and they can do that at any time. And you have to allow access for them to check the sensors and get readings, adjust things, and remove the sensors. Everything belongs to the company.

This means letting randos into your house potentially over and over to get their readings from the electrical crap they put in your house.

Nah I'm good, keep your insulation.

- bumpequalsbump

Airlines

Was going to post this as a response on another thread, but I want people to actually see it.

When you book a flight, in the terms and conditions (especially for basic and econo fares) you agree that in the event of your flight getting canceled due to an act outside of the airlines control they don't have to refund you unless they offer you a travel credit.

That includes a world spanning virus.

Don't be cheap, get travelers insurance or pay for the higher fare that has a refund clause.

- bpanio

Sad Story Time:

Wednesday afternoon, a handicapped woman with crutches, let's call her Sara, boards our plane for Kansas City. It's the midst of a Hurricane Down South. We taxi out, and get held there.

We sat on the tarmac 2.5 hours. We go back to the gate, and we are pressured to not let anyone off, but eventually some people do.

We then taxi back out to the runway and the hurricane is like directly over us, with lightning all 360 around our aircraft. It was pitch black at like 4 in the afternoon with roaring thunder and lightning. Sara is getting nervous and starts to panic and wants to get off the plane now.

Problem is, there are planes in front of us, and planes behind us, and we can't move. I explain the only way is if she goes out on a Rescue truck. So we sit there almost 3 hours, and the Pilots time out.

So by then the planes have spaced out enough that we can turn around and go back to the gate. This lady is super stressed out.

Anyway, the flight gets cancelled due to the weather - all flights are cancelled.

The next flight on our airline is Sunday, 4 days from now. Plus it's 'next available' which means that if there is 70 people on this flight and 60 on the Sunday flight, only 10 more of this flight are going to get on, and if they paid for First Class, they probably won't get first class on the next available.

At this point, the poor lady is devastated. She is not allowed to sleep in the airport. All the hotels in NYC are booked solid with stranded crew members, and NO airlines offer free hotels when it's weather related.

She probably could get a hotel for $1,000/night but all the lesser expensive ones are sold out by the 1,000 crew stranded in New York from all the airlines.

This poor lady was stranded with no money, no help, and nowhere she could go. I felt awful for her. She couldn't stay at the airport as passengers are not allowed to be at the airport from 12:01 am to 4:00 am. Luckily, you can go to one of the nearby hotels and rest until your next flight... unless it's booked solid because of a hurricane.

I don't know if she would have been more prepared had she read the terms, but she was definitely NOT prepared for us to tell her what her contract stated in the event of a flight canceled due to weather.

- TommyGunz007

Crepes

I worked for a meat pie company that moved over from Australia that made me sign a contract that I would never work for another meat pie company or open an establishment that sells similar food. I didn't read the fine print.

They also sold a few other things ... like crepes. Sure enough, I wanted to open a food truck and my partner had her sights on crepes as she made them in her previous food truck and it just happened a truck we were buying was set up to make similar things.

I gave 1 month notice because they were busy and I didn't want to leave them stranded in high season. I told the owner we were working on a food truck we bought, it was a dream coming true, and that it happens we are doing crepes as my partner is French and had done them before.

Even though he barely sold any crepes, he was super pissed. The owner was a d!ck. He reminded me of the contract and made me feel like he would sue me if I did this.

I ended up tape recording him yelling at an employee like he does every morning, he would yell at the stoner/maybe slightly special needs dishwasher for little things. My last paycheck was "in the mail" for several weeks until I went in one day and said I wouldn't leave without it.

He cut the cheque when I showed him the video. We didn't end up doing crepes anyways. Looking back I probably lost my desire and momentum with the negativity, but ya.

F*ck that. For minimum wage giving up your ability to do a thing of your own? Crazy.

I sort of wished I let the video public as he was all about face and looking good, but I felt for his kids and wife. They do make good meat pies those Australians.

- Homestead1111

But others just seemed kind of ... "interesting."

Like, did you know Amazon has zombie apocalypse procedure written into their terms and conditions? Should we be concerned?

Citibanks contract might make you a murderer.

and some companies are willing to pay you just to read the terms, but you won't know that unless you read the terms.

It's bananas out there in contract land.

This Sparks Joy

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I'm pretty sure I gave google the rights to all of my Spotify data when they gave me a free google home.

On one hand, RIP privacy.

On the other hand, knowing some poor algorithm has to figure out some possible way to advertise things to me based on listening to Knock On Wood 57 times in a row and the soundtrack to Starship Troopers on repeat gives me great joy.

- OakNogg

Claim $100

Back when the internet really started being a thing, some company/website put something in their terms and conditions about the first person who reads it, can contact them to claim a $100 prize.

Took five years for somebody to claim the prize.

- RubyShooz

I wonder how much of that is people not reading it and how much is people reading it and thinking "surely somebody's already claimed this by now, why bother?"

- Novaseerblyat

Amazon ... Should We Be Worried? 

Not really an example of the worst thing, but you're not allowed to use Amazon's game engine (Lumberyard) for military/nuclear applications normally, but that restriction is suspended specifically if there's a zombie apocalypse

https://aws.amazon.com/service-terms/ Clause 47.10: "this restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organized civilization

- OldGodsAndNew

Most Ridiculous

I recall a major airline in the pioneer days won an award for most ridiculous TOS to simply look up a flight arrival time on their web site.

If I recall, it was a 22,000 word document that an analysis said was written at a post graduate reading level. It states that you would, in perpetuity, never use that computer to connect to any other airline's website.

- NightMGR

What were they planning on doing about it if you broke the contract? Send a hitman after you or something?

- ChungusFungus303

Citibank Is Serious Business

When I started work for Citibank, they asked me to sign two documents;

  1. promising I would never use encryption for any purpose other than Citibank's for as long as I live.
  2. promising to obey the laws of all 196 countries on earth that Citibank operates in.

So obviously I looked at my cubicle mate and stoned her to death for exposing her wrists, and I can no longer use HTTPS.

- beachbbqlover

So look, I'm not going to be a judgy mcjudgerson about you not reading the terms and conditions. This isn't even the first "weird contract stuff" article I've written, I've already dealt with the consequences of not reading these things and Oops now my face is everywhere, and I still don't fully read them!

Why?

I'll be completely honest - they're written in a way that discourages it. Studies have shown that in order to even understand most terms and conditions, you'd need a post graduate education ... and that's IF you had the nearly-endless hours it would take to actually read them.

In short, you know you're not reading them. I know you're not reading them. Companies know you're not reading them... and it's that last part that gets us all in trouble. If they know you're not reading, they know they can put in pretty much anything they want.

People Share The Craziest Medical Conditions They've Ever Heard Of

A Redditor asked: 'What is the craziest medical condition you've ever heard of?'

There are some wild medical conditions out there, and sometimes, I feel like we're never done learning about them.

It was just a few years ago that my brother told me about Cotard's delusion, a rare psychological disorder in which the person afflicted believes they are dead, immortal, or don't exist.

I didn't even believe him at first, but when I looked it up, it turned out to be a real thing (and I even based an entire short story around it).

A lot of crazy medical conditions sound like they are not real, but it turns out, they are. Redditors know this all too well and are ready to share the craziest medical conditions they've ever heard of.

It all started when Redditor TweekerAllWeeker asked:

"What is the craziest medical condition you've ever heard of?"

Frozen

"Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva (FOP) is a rare muskuloskeletal condition where, after birth and progressively through life, muscles and tendons are gradually transformed into bone (a process called ossification). This creates a second “skeleton” of extra bone, which makes movement impossible."

– yParticle

"Idk if it's real, but I heard people with FOP have to chose, at some point, the position they want to spend the rest of their life in, standing sitting or laying down."

– aoi4eg

"I saw a show about this when I was a kid and the whole idea still f**ks with me."

– Jaway66

You Thinking What I'm Thinking?

"There are conjoined twins (the Hogan sisters) who are attached at the head and their brains are attached. Each one can see through her sister's eyes. Each one can taste the food the other one is eating."

– Fun_in_Space

Fragility

"I met a guy who practically had eggshells for bones. He broke them about 50 times or so doing simple things like just sitting on a couch or brushing his teeth."

– Odd-Package-4713

"That'd be osteogenesis imperfecta type 3."

– crimpytoses

"My nephew has osteogenesis imperfecta and is almost 8yrs old. CPS got involved when he was a baby and hadn’t been diagnosed yet, thinking there was abuse, which was so sad for my family. They later found out what it was and have made medical accommodations. Man, he’s such a sweet, happy boy despite his condition. He hasn’t known anything other than this his entire life, so for him pain is normal (which makes me so sad), but he is bright, engaging, and so very amazing in every way that I get pissed the f**k off that he’s dealing with this."

– Purse_Whiskey

Life Span

"That disease that ages people at an insane rate that often kills it’s sufferers before they turn 16. I think it’s called progeria."

– MascotGuy2077

"That is a wild one, also the girl that looks 8 but is in her 20's, it's crazy as f**k."

– IThinkMyLegsAreBroke

"At my old place, two of the kids in the community had progeria. I'd only ever see them once a week at most, but they always seemed happy when I came across them; their family made a real effort to make their time count. I've always wondered how they grapple with the reality of their situation at their young age, though. How do you even bring that kind of subject up as a parent?"

– miniman03

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

"The Capgras delusion: the person becomes inalterably convinced that someone close to them has been replaced by an imposter who has disguised him/herself so cleverly that they look identical to the replaced person."

""Yes, this woman looks and acts just like my wife and knows everything my wife would know. ...But she is an imposter disguised to fool me and I will have nothing to do with her.""

"It's funny to think about in some ways but would be absolutely terrifying to have."

– dr3rdeye

Facial Blindness

"This reminds me of a condition where people lose the ability to see faces. Their eyes work, they can see anything, but if it is or resembles a human face it gets turned in an undeterminable blur."

– random_sh*tter

"Faceblind. I have this. Brad Pitt has this. The worst part is when I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, think "oh that's what I look like," then promptly forget my face 5 seconds later. I cannot point myself out in family photos."

– GodsCasino

"Prosopagnosia. It comes in varying degrees of severity. I have it. I have a lot of trouble recognizing people in unfamiliar contexts, like seeing your teacher at the grocery store. I have to see somebody a lot of times before I can recognize their face, unless they have some distinguishing feature (like my friend with a long beard). My friends tend to be people who look or dress distinctively, because it’s so much easier for me to recognize them."

– linuxgeekmama

Cut It Off!

"Body integrity disphoria: people who desperately want to cut off a part of their body, a limb for instance. They have always been thought of as insane until someone decided to have a look at their brains and realised that the limb in question isn't registering in their brain. To them, it feels like an alien appendage was sewn to their body. I find that so fascinating."

– Deleted User

Is It Still There?

"Or the other way around, phantom limb syndrome. When one loses their limb but still feels itchiness or pain on that non-existent limb. They use mirror therapy which is quite interesting as well."

– trickydaze

Strange Immunity

"Knew a woman who couldn’t conceive with her husband."

"He could theoretically get another woman pregnant, and she could theoretically get pregnant from another man, they just couldn’t conceive together."

"He donated blood (maybe marrow) to her while she was being treated for cancer. This somehow made her body immune to his sperm."

"They wound up adopting a couple of kids."

– ShaolinDave79

Anti-Hydration

"Allergy to water. It's extremely rare, last I researched it I believe there were less than 10 documented cases. And yes, they are allergic to themselves. They can't drink straight water, typical hygiene is a huge no go, and even humidity can trigger bad reactions."

– KaliCalamity

"How do these poor people live…"

– Crackheadwithabrain

"Not well, and on a lot of antihistamines"

– KaliCalamity

"I knew one of those kids who has the disorder. His twin brother was diabetic, and I didn't believe him, but his parents confirmed it. His skin was constantly cracked and sloughing off. Poor kid. I felt so bad for him."

– arcticnerd

"How do they stay.... Hydrated? Do they have to drink insanely alkaline water? What about their blood? Like wtaf???"

– Grouchy-Place7327

"They can have small amounts of water, but at least in the documentary I saw, the couple of people it focused on usually stuck to things like juices and milk, as they're less reactive. The major danger is skin contact."

– KaliCalamity

Seeing Things

"My nephew had PFAPA (periodic fever, aphthous stomatitis, pharyngitis, adenitis). Basically he would get a very high fever every 3-4 weeks with no other symptoms other than the fever alone. One night when he was maybe 5 years old, he was going through an episode and called his mom (my sister) into his room. He told her that he was really scared because his bedroom was covered in bees. I guess the hallucinations aren’t always fun."

"He had his tonsils and adenoids removed and that was the cure!"

– emjayholla

A Whole Different Perspective

"Synesthesia. A condition where your brain mixes up sensory signals."

"With this condition, one might be able to taste words, or certain numbers will always appear a specific color, or you might literally see music or smell something and feel as though you're being touched."

– ChaoTiKPranXter

"I can hear color. Sounds have different colors to me. This is especially true of people’s voices. Barbra Streisand, for example, has a light amber voice."

– IoSonCalaf

"I have that! For a while I thought everyone did."

– RenegadeRabbit

It's surprising how many of these I've actually heard of (thanks to Grey's Anatomy) but that last one is completely new!

Perplexed father with his daughter looking at her computer
Photo by sofatutor

Parents lie.

But the older we get, the more we realize parents are not just humans telling little white lies.

They can be villains with malicious intent.

Catching a parent in a lie can be soul-crushing.

But it's a part of growing up.

Hopefully we learn how to be better.

Redditor Hackedfaith wanted to hear about the times people realized their parents were hard-fibbing, so they asked:

"What is the worst lie you caught your parents telling?"

My mom told me anything in life was possible.

And cheaters never win.

Yeah sure. Sell me an igloo an Iceland too.

​Expelled

Andy Samberg Ugh GIF by The Lonely IslandGiphy

"My Dad used to tell me that he learned all of his cool tricks and skills in 'Daddy School.' I'm now 28, married and still have not been enrolled."

AdLive7065

Thief

"That the 2K I earned at my summer job would be safe in my mom's savings account until I wanted to withdraw it later. Never saw that money again."

drillgorg

"I lost money to my mom too. I was a kid, told her I had $50 in change (I don't know where it all came from), and she said I didn't. She counted it and it was gone."

"She stole a good deal of my babysitting money. Hundreds of dollars. She filed my first tax return (without telling me) and kept whatever money I would have got. She told me that the fee to get it done was about as much as I would have gotten back."

Sarhii

A Second Family

"That my mother was schizophrenic. I was 15 and knew she had been battling depression for years. Schizophrenia runs in our family and as an angsty teenager, it was very easy for me to believe... She was completely convinced that my father had a secret second family. She was diagnosed and medicated for years. He did have a second family."

Thationdeas76

"He did have a second family??? That had to have been devastating. 'Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you.'"

TwoLittleNeedleMarks

2008

"That they couldn’t afford to pay for college. So I took a job during the day and paid my way through night and weekend school. Turns out I had a decent trust fund from my grandfather. I could have graduated and started working for a higher wage 4 years earlier. I tell myself that graduating in 2008 wouldn’t have been a good idea anyway."

RandomRavenclaw87

Weekends Only

Looney Tunes Rabbit GIFGiphy

"Up until I was 8 years old, they told me that daddy was away at college. We would go see him on weekends. Found out later that he was in prison. I wondered why we could only talk to him behind glass on a telephone."

hhairy

The truth about parents can often to difficult to accept.

That's why there is therapy.

Scandal

Shocked Oh No GIF by Yêu LuGiphy

"Found out when I was 25 I have a sister one year older than me that they gave up for adoption, I'm 37 and have been searching for her for the past 10 years."

Even_Future2580

'Mom! Mom!'

"One night I went downstairs to ask my mother something. My dad was a light sleeper and would get really pissed if anyone woke him up, so I whispered, 'Mom! Mom!' All of a sudden my dad sat up and yelled at me to get lost. They told me I should never sneak up on them because they had a gun and my dad thought I was an intruder and almost shot me."

"They scared the bejeezus out of me. Sometimes when I tried to get to sleep I'd remember how my dad almost shot me. For years. Even after I moved out. Decades later, I mentioned it to my mom. She started laughing and told me they were having sex. There was no gun."

Sapphyrre

Internal Affairs

"My dad went into the ER with stroke-like symptoms. He ended up having a severe brain bleed that required immediate and major surgery. While he was laying in the ICU, my mother, who opened their computer to get insurance info, found messages on his linked-in page, that he’d left open earlier that morning before I took him to the ER, from a woman he was engaged to in college. They had been having an affair for over a year."

ParanrmlGrl

Still Works

"They told me if I was lying there would be bubbles on my tongue. So when they asked me something and they thought I was lying they'd tell me to stick out my tongue. If I knew I was telling the truth, I'd open my mouth confidently and show off my bubble-free tongue. If I was lying, I'd try to scrape the bubbles off with my teeth. I now use it on my son. Still works."

Obst1994

Tilly

"When I was 4 We had a dog called Tilly, my mom said that she gave her away to a boy who couldn't speak and she died while saving him from drowning in a river Years later when I was around 13, my mom was on the phone with her friends and they were talking about their pets that passed away, turns out that tilly died because my mom was drunk and let her out of the house, she ended up getting hit by a car."

Yogurt2022

Bad Bunny

Easter Bunny Dance GIF by SportsManiasGiphy

"When my sibling and I were young, we were tossing toys around that the Easter Bunny had left for us. My mom started yelling at us, 'I did not buy those for you to treat them like that.'"

ExMoIsMyPersonality

Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy... the lies are enormous.

Two people talking with cups of coffee
Photo by Chewy on Unsplash

Dating is complicated, because it can be really awkward, but if we want to find a partner, it's an activity we just kind of have to do.

The most frustrating thing about it, though, is that everything can seem to be going fine... until it isn't. The date is going well, the person we're with is charming, we're having a nice time together, but then a dealbreaker makes an unfortunate appearance.

Redditor whitneywestmoreland asked:

"What's something that happened on a first date that made you decide against a second date?"

Not Wowing Enough

​"The date felt more like a job interview to fill a position, rather than an actual date. He gave off a vibe of someone who wasn't into getting to know me as a person, but just listed his wants and needs."

"So at the end of the date, he asked how I thought it went, and I said I didn't feel a click or a match."

"And he said yeah and that he was missing that 'wow factor.'"

"So I laughed my a** off (slightly offended) on the car ride home. Gosh, I had no idea I was auditioning for a contest."

"I was happy we only went for drinks, but even that felt a bit too long."

- Selfish_Kitty

Not As Attractive As One Might Think

"He threw a temper tantrum because the restaurant he wanted to go to was closed due to the tropical storm that was going on."

"It's sad because I was having a great time walking around Manhattan while the storm raged. I had every intention of going home with him until he had that tantrum."

- msspider66

Let the Past Go

"I took her to dinner and then took her to a late-night car meet. Upon arriving at the meet, she started s**t with several other girls she had beef with in high school... and hasn’t talked to since high school."

"We were well into our 20s. She was even older than me."

"I don’t get how some people make high school beef their entire personality for years."

- TheThrowawayMouse

Different Senses of Humor

"We went to her place to watch movies and we chose 'Kung Fu Panda 2.' From the moment it began, she proceeded to cackle at every single joke. Anything that could even be perceived as mildly funny set her off like the Wicked Witch of the West."

"I know some people have interesting laughs and that wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't constant from beginning to end."

"After that, she put on 'Iron Man,' and the same thing happened, witch cackling the entire movie."

"There's a point in the movie where a character's phone goes off, and the ringtone is an old 'Iron Man' theme, which made me chuckle."

"She turned to me and said, 'You laugh at all the weirdest parts!'"

"The second the movie was over, I got out of there and did not see her again."

- J-Dizzle42

Quite the Conversationalist

"He said nothing. I get he was nervous but I was engaging. I asked questions that should have led to at least a few sentences of conversation, but no, one-word answers only."

"It was dinner and a movie so our only opportunity to talk was dinner. It was like pulling teeth. No thanks, no second date."

- redditreader_aitafan

Ready to Settle Down

"She kept talking about the 'emergency d**k' she had stashed around the city."

"She was like, 'I've been really busy with [grad] school, but I don't go without. I have plenty of emergency d**k around town.'"

"And when I say she kept going on, I mean she KEPT GOING ON. She was telling me about the two guys downtown, three in the suburbs, one near campus, and two in her apartment complex."

"It honestly sounded like I was new to town and she was giving me a rundown of all the best places to visit."

"It was just weird."

"She also said she was looking to settle down into a relationship (whereas she had only been in situationships before). She also said she had a 'virgin heart.'"

- callmevicious

"I really want to know what she hoped to accomplish by sharing all that with him."

"Clearly, she expected him to be impressed in some way."

- _Halboro_

"It sounds like she wanted him to be her everyday d**k and take her heart virginity!"

- illustrious_ocelot_

In It For the Food

"I went on a date with a woman from the office. I thought we had good chemistry and got along well."

"Later in the date, she couldn't find her phone, so I tried calling it, and someone from the restaurant where we'd had dinner answered."

"I went back in for her to get it, and the waiter showed me I was saved in her contacts as 'Free Food.'"

- Sol-Blackguy

A Terrible Tipper

"He insisted on paying for our dinner instead of going Dutch, and then he totally stiffed the server."

"I tried to leave a tip and he got p**sed at me because he was paying and it was his decision to tip or not."

- Westonworld

Yeah, That... That Would Do It

"He just kept making a weird amount of jokes about tapeworms?"

"Also, this happened while we were eating sushi, just in case anyone was wondering."

- oldfarmhousechutney

Too Close to Home

"This happened to my sister, but she found out the guy had the same uncommon last name as her."

"Then when she asked where he was from, it was the same small town that our great grandparents are from."

"They awkwardly laughed and just immediately ended the date."

- LadderUpset

A Lot to Take In At Once

"She told me that aliens cause jet lag and that I have the ghost of a fisherman following me around named Samuel (on top of the 20 other bats**t things she said at dinner)."

"This was last night, and I'm still processing."

- RVBY1977

Disrespectful From the Very Beginning

"Very recently, a woman asked me when I would get a real career."

"I love what I do. I'm a union stagehand in a major entertainment city. I have been in my industry for over 20 years, toured the country, toured the world, and make a comfortable living."

"Yeah, no. That's pretty demeaning and I'm out."

- azorianmilk

Sixth Grade Gossip Vibes

"She kept writing to her friends on WhatsApp a play-by-play of the date instead of listening to me, so I stood up, paid my dinner, and left because I found it disrespectful as f**k."

- Dune_Asmr

An Accidental Affair

"I went to dinner with a girl who I'd been crushing on for quite some time. It seemed to be going well, and we ended up back at her place, watching a movie or something."

"Out of nowhere, her boyfriend (of whom I was not aware) came back from out of town and stopped in unexpectedly."

"He and I had a super awkward conversation for a few minutes, and then the two of them disappeared into another room for a minute or two."

"She came back and said something to the effect of, 'I don't have a place for you. I'm sorry.'"

"I just kind of got in my car and drove home, with one of the strangest feelings that I'd ever felt."

"At some point, a few minutes into the journey, I couldn't contain myself and busted out laughing."

- Richard_Thickens

We can absolutely understand why these would be causes for no second date. From awkward to straight-up creepy, these don't feel like scenarios that we'd willingly sign up for twice.

Massive First Date Red Flags
Photo by Good Faces on Unsplash

These Redditors went on the worst first dates imaginable, and they lived to tell the tales. Read on, if you dare.

It Was Just Like In The Movies

couple dining outPhoto by Wiktor Karkocha on Unsplash

A guy I’d been friends with for a couple of years asked me out. We knew each other, so we should have been able to have a fairly normal night out—but no. We met at a restaurant and sat at the bar. He ordered all meat appetizers despite me being a vegetarian and said, "You can eat this or go hungry". I ordered my own food.

Die Hard was just starting to play on the TV and he asked me if I liked it. I admitted that I had never seen Die Hard and he proceeded to describe the entire movie in real time. I am not exaggerating. I was not allowed to speak while he explained every single detail of the movie while the movie was playing silently on the bar TV.

I’d had too much to drink to leave early and drive home, so I just sat there and endured his two hour monologue while I slowly sobered up. When the movie finally, mercifully, finished, he asked the bartender for his check and said, "I’m not paying for her, though". The bartender brought his check and then told me I didn’t owe anything.

After my date left, the bartender said it was one of the most painful things he’d ever witnessed and apparently he and some of the servers had been placing bets about how long this guy would actually talk about Die Hard. I’m just glad I had a witness because it was so ridiculous. There was no second date and he literally never talked to me again.

She Couldn’t Hide

This red flag came up before we even went on our first date. So, I met this guy on a dating site and he asked me on a date and I agreed. Later, I got a call from work saying a package had been delivered. It was a huge bouquet of flowers. I was so confused. I asked him if he had sent them and he said, "I did! You said you had a bad day last Friday, so I wanted to make this Friday a good one for you".

Normally, I would absolutely love this gesture and be over the moon with this. But there was one glaring problem: I never told him where I worked, and I had told him I lived in a large city an hour away to be on the safe side. So, not only did he find my true town, but also found out where I had worked. This was an instant red flag and made me terrified.

She Wasn’t Exactly Daddy’s Little Girl

This woman and I sat down to dinner and within ten minutes she brought up how her father felt sorry for any guy that dated her. She continued for the next hour telling me about all the ways her father criticized her for playing games, and treating men poorly. I really didn’t get much of a word in.

After we left the restaurant, I drove her straight back home, while she continued talking the entire time. When she realized I’d stopped in her driveway, she asked me if she had said something wrong. I had to be totally honest with her. I said: "Yes, about two hours of wrong for me. Have a good night". And drove straight home.

They Met By Accident

woman prayingPhoto by Ben White on Unsplash

This is what I knew about him before our first date: he had tragically lost his leg in a motorcycle accident. I also knew that he usually wore a prosthetic but at this time he was using a wheelchair. He said this was because he had recently had surgery in his leg. All that was fine, and I offered to pick him up in my car.

We went out for breakfast and everything seemed fine, there were no major issues with him. When it came time to pay, his card was declined. He called his dad—who was also his boss—to figure out why his paycheck hadn’t been deposited. This conversation went back and forth, and I ended up paying and he promised to pay me back. It totally wasn’t a big deal, it happens, I get it.

So, we got back to my car, which is a RAV4. He said that the last time he was around a RAV4, it was when his motorcycle accident happened. He’d hit into one that was pulling out of a restaurant and that’s when he lost his leg. For some reason, that triggered a memory of a conversation I had with my mom a while back about my aunt who had the same car which was totaled during an accident.

Later, I was texting him and asked him a few more questions about the accident, where it happened, and such. Long story short, it was my aunt who was driving the car that pulled out of the restaurant, which he crashed into. He was currently in the process of suing her because of it. This was despite the fact that he was going almost double the speed limit at the time and didn’t even have his license.

Needless to say, there was no second date. He never did pay me back for breakfast.

Mother Knows Best

I went on a date with a Korean-American guy in college, and it was really lovely. Lovely until his mother called during our coffee date. She asked him what my name was and he told her my first and last name. He suddenly got a sad look on his face and stood up, apologizing profusely for wasting my time. His reasonblew me away.

He said: "I am so sorry, I should have had her look you up before the date". I was super confused. And asked him what he was talking about. Apparently he didn't realize my name was Japanese-American. The thing is, I am half-Japanese and don’t really look it. His mother had taken my name and found me on Facebook. There was a pic of me and my family at the Obon Festival hosted by the Buddhist temple and Japanese-American society in my city.

So, he left the date because his mommy told him he couldn't date a Japanese girl.

He Knew What She Wanted

I was at a restaurant on a first date and the guy had been to the restaurant before and made some recommendations about what to order. I wasn’t really feeling what he was suggesting, so I ordered something else. The guy then grabbed the waitress as she tried to walk away, and told her what I would have and, believe me, it wasn’t what I wanted.

It didn't even occur to him that she wouldn't listen or that I'd be angry. I got up and walked right out of the restaurant.

She Washed Her Hands Of Him

person holding clear plastic bottlePhoto by Nathana Rebouças on Unsplash

So, when I was in college, I met this guy at a work function. We also had mutual friends. The guy took me to a restaurant and before eating I pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer to use. He asked me why I used sanitizer. I thought the answer was obvious: to clean my hands. But when I told him that, he started explaining why hand cleaning was unnecessary.

He actually said that, in addition to not using hand sanitizer, he didn’t believe in washing his hands after going to the bathroom. He said it was fine as long as toilet paper was used effectively. He said all of this while licking his fingers and digging into a shared basket of appetizers. I was disgusted and stopped eating at that point. Not another bite!

He Hoped The Party Was Over

So, I show up for my first date with this guy and the first thing that I notice is that he’s brought his two year old along on our date. He then informed me he would be okay with me going out and partying for maybe one more year to "get it out of my system", but after that he expected me to settle down. He then went on a strange rant for my benefit.

He talked about how important it is for women to "have their fun" before becoming moms, so they are ready to be homemakers. I was 19 and also was not aware he even had a kid beforehand. Obviously, there was no second date. I recently looked the guy up on Facebook. He’s now on his third marriage. Hopefully, this wife got all of her "partying" out of her system.

Something Fishy About This Guy

It was our first date and he and I were sharing a plate of raw fish. We both ate more of the salmon and it was running low. He then ordered me—in a rude way—to eat only white fish now. I did and was laughing, because I wasn't sure if it was a joke. After five pieces of white fish, I went back to the salmon, and he got annoyed and asked me why I’d done that.

He repeated that I should stick to eating the other type of fish with no explanation. He also ordered me to eat certain side dishes throughout the meal and I politely declined. After that, I made no effort to keep the conversation that—to be honest—had already been a bit awkward before this whole fish thing.

He seemed unsure how to fix the situation, and I kept my bad mood until I left. Just…why? Why did he do that?

He Was Honestly Quite Scary

two bullet surveillance cameras attached on wallPhoto by Scott Webb on Unsplash

It was our first date and we met up at his place because he was making dinner for me. We were chatting on the couch when he stood up to excuse himself to the restroom. As he was walking away, he turned and mentioned that there were cameras all over his home, so "don’t take anything". I guessed this was a joke, but what he did next sent chills down my spine.

He pointed to a stack of papers on an end table. "I believe in honesty. That’s my arrest record. Everything is right there". He went on his way. I considered leaving right then, but didn’t. I did pick up that stack of papers. It was a shocker. His arrest record was several pages long and spanned three states. Most of the arrests were for domestic assault. There were also some minor drug charges.

He returned and, thank God, my phone rang. I answered it even though I didn’t recognize the number. I actually had no idea who it was. I made it sound like it was one of my daughters and she needed to be picked up from somewhere immediately. I’ll never know who was actually on the other end of that call, but I left this guy’s home and never looked back.

He Made A Pit Stop

I was probably about 19 or 20 years old and incredibly naive at the time. I had known him for a few weeks, and we decided to go out on a dinner date. We were on our way to dinner—I was driving—and he wanted to stop to make a return at GameStop. I thought, "Yeah okay, no problem. I’m in no rush". But then he was in there for a long time, and I was getting kind of nervous. I should have paid attention to those nerves because trouble was headed my way.

When he finally comes back to my car, an officer comes out of nowhere and taps on my passenger window. The officer asked him for his driver’s license and went to run it. I asked my date what he thought was going on. This guy explains to me that he has some unpaid parking tickets. But the situation gets worse than that when another car pulls up and another officer gets out. He comes to my side of the car and pulls me out of the car and starts interrogating me.

The officer asking me questions assumes I’m in on whatever my date has done. Then I turn around to see—to my horror—my date getting pulled out of the car and cuffed. I was so shocked and now I was worried about myself. Would the officers believe that I wasn’t involved? I guess I looked legit surprised, so they started acting really nice to me. I was basically being honest and cooperative, and they could tell I had absolutely no clue what was going on. So, they let me go home.

I had no idea why all this had happened until much later. I looked at our local prison intake website and it turns out while I was waiting in the car, he’d shoplifted $500 worth of stuff from GameStop. He also had like three outstanding warrants for assault charges. Wow, I often imagine what could have happened if all this hadn’t gone down.

He Didn’t Get It

I went on a date once and the guy was talking about his ex-girlfriend the entire time. Then, it got worse. He actually took a call from her when we were waiting for our food to arrive. And when he was done, as a joke, I asked if he wanted to call her back and invite her to join us. He said no because she'd have to bring her kid! That joke went whoosh right over his dense head.

Nothing Compares To You

woman carrying babyPhoto by Valeria Zoncoll on Unsplash

I went on a date with a guy who called himself a mama’s boy. I didn’t take that very seriously at the time, but I did later on in the date. He actually said that no woman would ever compare to his mother. Obviously, there was no second date, and despite how many times I turned him down and said I wasn’t interested, he kept calling and texting me for two years until I changed my number.

He Was Looking For A Replacement

I once met up with a guy from Tinder and I thought the date was going pretty well. After talking for a bit and having a coffee, he asked me if I wanted to meet his kid. I felt totally put on the spot and although I was clearly uncomfortable. I panicked and said I would. We went back to his place and I met the kid, she was actually pretty cool.

When he sent her off to bed, he proceeded to tell me that the mother of his child had randomly passed in their kitchen one day, and now his kid didn’t have a mom. I looked around his place and there were pictures of the deceased mom everywhere. I felt uncomfortable and I told him it was getting late, and I was going to get going.

Before I left, he asked if he could stroke my stomach and pinch my backside. It was a very specific and super odd request. I said no. The next day he sent me a text asking me if I would babysit his kid. Not even asking me on a second date…just asking for child care.

Not Even On Pizza?

I went out with a guy who was in his mid-20s. He told me a lot about himself that night, but one thing really sticks out to me. He told me he had never tried cheese. Not in his whole life. Not once. He wasn’t a vegan or anything like that. I had such a hard time believing him and realized I could never trust him. It’s been 10 years and it still bothers me.

He Was A Serial Dater

surprised womanPhoto by June O on Unsplash

I met a guy on an app and, after we chatted for a while, we met up for drinks. Just to make small talk, I asked him about his Dexter tattoo. He actually had Michael C. Hall’s face on his shoulder. He said that what he liked most about Dexter was that he hid his true identity. There was an eerie silence after he said that.

Needless to say, I never saw him again.

He Was Literally Awful

So, I live in San Francisco and I went on a date with a guy years ago. We went to an art show together, which I thought was a nice change from going to a bar or restaurant. After the art show, we were walking in a park and talking and he did something that really shocked me: he littered. I said something like, "Oh there’s a trash can right over there". He just chuckled and said, "So what?"

I never saw that guy again.

He Expected Her To Pay

This guy I knew through a mutual friend kept asking if he could take me for dinner. I always politely turned him down because I'd just come out of a relationship and wasn't looking to jump into another. My friend convinced me that I should "try and get back out there and enjoy myself". The next time I ran into him, he asked if he could take me out again, so I relented and agreed.

The date went fine for the most part. There were a few awkward moments here and there but nothing that made me want to call it a night. Then, we got to the bill. He paid on his card and then told me, "Don't worry, I've got you covered. You can pay me back for your half when we get back to my place". He then made a winking gesture at me.

Needless to say, he made the journey back to his place alone and there was no second date.

Red Flag, Red Flag, Red Flag

women's yellow overallPhoto by Joseph Frank on Unsplash

This all happened during our first—and, thankfully, only—date. It literally kept getting worse, one thing after the other. When they brought the food, he immediately asked them to remake it, as it wasn’t cooked exactly how he wanted. When he got his second meal, he sent that one back as well and just ordered something else. This was the first red flag.

While we were eating, his phone suddenly lit up. I saw on the screen a picture of two young girls. So, I asked him if they were his nieces. Nope. He said they were his two daughters. One was two and the other was four years old. Funny, he’d never mentioned before that he was a father—even when I’d asked him directly. Red flag number two.

He then told me he still lives with his baby mama—who was his ex—and has no near plan of them living apart. Oh, and worse still, they live in his parents basement. He then randomly started talking about how much he hates the left wing because it doesn't favor white men like himself. These were red flags three and four. And the worst was yet to come.

He then proceeded to talk about how immigrants are ruining this country. If that wasn't bad enough, I'm middle Eastern and my parents are immigrants. This was definitely a huge red flag. We talked about traveling and he very nonchalantly said, "you probably have to leave so much earlier to the airport because of security eh?" This was a backhanded lowkey prejudiced type of red flag.

At that point the red flags turned into checkered flags telling me to end it and leave. So without any further responses from me, I grabbed my coat, thanked him for the free meal, and walked out.

Not An Animal Lover

I was on a date with this seemingly nice woman. We were just getting to know each other, and I mentioned that I had a dog. She showed some interest and asked me what kind of dog I had. I told her it was a Siberian Husky and that I loved her very much. Her response was this: "Oh! A big dog! At least she’ll die young, so you can get a puppy again soon!"

She Was A Real Doll

I was 24 years old and he came to the door to pick me up. I immediately noticed that he was carrying something and it wasn’t the expected flowers. It was a Bratz doll. An actual Bratz doll in the box, brand new. He actually went to the store and made a conscious decision to buy it for 24-year-old me. He told me he thought I’d like it. Did he want me to act younger? I don’t know, but he creeped me out.

The day after, he kept calling while I was at the grocery store, and I don’t like to talk on the phone while I’m shopping. I called him back, which may have been stupid. He asked why I was ignoring his calls. I told him the truth: that I had been shopping and I preferred to be able to interact with the people I needed to speak to—like the deli person or whoever—without being on the phone.

He immediately got upset and was mad and sad about how it wasn’t fair that the grocery store workers got that much of my time and attention, but he didn’t. That was the end of that.

Creepy And Shallow

woman on top of the building photoPhoto by Spencer Backman on Unsplash

I was on a date with a guy, and he immediately started making multiple comments about my appearance. To be fair, they were positive. The thing was that he delivered the comments in a very creepy and shallow way. He said things like: "I bet you look at the mirror and just think, 'wow, I’m hot'". And, "If I were you, I’d check myself out all the time".

He then told me about how he was taken in by officers in front of his old apartment and then evicted. After I told him I did not wish to go on a second date, his response was: "Okay, but first, I really want to take you to bed". This was a first date and I was 19 years old!

She Booked It

Someone I met through social media asked me out. We had a ton of friends in common, so I wasn’t too worried that he’d be a creep. We decided to meet at Barnes & Noble so we could get coffee and pick out books. We are both avid readers, so it sounded like a good place for a first date. He was crazy attractive and smart, and he seemed really into me. I was super excited.

So, we get there and within the first three minutes, he asks to kiss me. I agreed and it was….Wow. Instant fireworks. All the tingly feelings. We keep talking and things are going great, but then he proceeded to keep getting continuously more handsy. He was grabbing my backside, brushing the side of my chest while his arm was around me, pulling me by my hips into him.

All those things are great once you’re a little comfortable with someone, but not at the beginning of a first date. He kept only wanting to make out, and wasn’t accepting my brush-offs. So, 10 to 20 minutes in, I was starting to feel a little icky and kept saying: "Let’s just keep getting to know each other". He said something like, "I want to get to know you, but in the bathroom".

Honestly, that remark can be taken so many ways, but none of them are good. A pickup line involving the word bathroom makes me want to vomit. Eventually, I said I had to get going to work. He tried to convince me to quit my job and stay with him for the day. He told me we could go back to his place. When he said something along the line of "once we get married, you won’t need to work anymore anyway", I was out.

Nope, no, thank you. I told him it wasn’t going to work. He got super angry at me for "wasting his time" and bolted. By the time I got to my car, he had already deleted me from all social media. I’m still not really sure if he was angry that I didn’t want to do it with him in the Barnes & Noble bathroom, didn’t want to marry him, or if it was because I had a job. Maybe all three. Or maybe just because he was a moron.

Nothing To Think About

This first date was with a cell phone tower tech. He showed up for our date in an old, worn out—and sweaty—T-shirt. The guy immediately decided he could psychoanalyze me. He told me that I was afraid of men, despite me meeting him in a state park. He also told me he's tired of having steak dinners and ice cream and still not getting a relationship out of it.

He actually said that from now on, he was going to take his dates to the bedroom first—not an expensive restaurant. He told me that I had a lot to think about, and he would give me time. Nope, dude, I didn't have to think it over at all. Then, he told me his wife passed six weeks before our date—just six weeks! How did this guy get so jaded about dating in just a month and a half?

He asked if he could call me. I said "yes", but really I was thinking: "You can call, but I'm not going to answer".

He Didn’t Exactly Bowl Her Over

person in black pants and brown shoes sitting on glass ballPhoto by David Iannace on Unsplash

I was planning a first date with this guy a few years ago, and he suggested bowling. I said it was fine, but that I'd done it once a few years prior, and I was legitimately terrible at it. He offered to teach me, but I said another time. I just wanted to get to know him in a relaxed environment. He suggested we still bowl—minus the lessons—and he could also share in the hilarity of my lack of skill. I was down for it.

I arrived at the alley, and things went downhill fast. The lessons started almost immediately. He told me how to stand, where to stand, and pointed out everything I was doing wrong. He told me I wasn’t taking it seriously, and added this zinger: "I’m trying to teach you for your own good". While he taught me, he never smiled—except when he saw me at the start. I told him this was not the fun, chill night I said I was looking for, and he told me it would be if I took the game more seriously. He was actually angry about the whole night.

It’s Been A Slice

The setting of this first date was a pizza restaurant. I knew I was in for a bad date when the guy had the audacity to order for both of us. The pizza arrived, and he served me a single tiny slice of wood fired pizza that did not come close to filling me up. He then—before I could ask for a second slice—packed up the pizza and put it in the back of his car.

I excused myself to call a friend to come pick me up, because I absolutely would not let this man know where I lived. It's been almost two years, and I'm still angry about not having more of that pizza.

She Over Shared

On our first date, the woman opens her laptop and shows me a video of her giving "natural childbirth" in a pool with her ex-partner. She was full spread eagle, and it’s a closeup shot. I could see the crowning head pushing through and everything. Then, the now seven-year-old kid comes out to watch and is like, "Oh, I love this video!"

In other words, I’m not the first guy she’s made watch this. No second date.

A Real Mess In Aisle Three

a woman holding her head in her handsPhoto by engin akyurt on Unsplash

I met a stranger at the grocery store, and he asked me out for dinner. Dinner didn't go very well, mostly because he spent most of the date insulting me for being a vegetarian. At the end of the night, when we were walking back to our cars and saying bye, he asked if he could have a kiss. I said no. He asked again. I said no again.

He then said, "How about a peck on the cheek?" Just to get rid of him, I go to do that. The guy fully turns his head and kisses me right on the mouth. This was the one thing I had told him I didn’t want. I definitely knew there would be no second date after that. I ignored all future texts. His last one said: "Why does this always happen to me?"

He Came To Save The Day

There was one date that stands out as the worst of all, but in retrospect it's kind of funny. I met this guy online and we had a few conversations before deciding to meet up. He seemed nice and normal, but when he showed up to the date he was wearing a full-on costume. He had dressed up as a superhero, complete with a mask and a cape. I was completely caught off guard and didn't know how to react. I tried to go along with it and make the best of it, but it was just too weird. I never saw him again, and I don't think I ever will.

She Never Asked

I remember I went out on two dates with a girl when I was in my late 30s. She didn't ask me anything during both dates. She's very expressive and loves to talk. Even during texts she'd send hilarious memes and emojis that matched our conversation. But during dates, she wouldn't ask me a thing about me. That was a red flag that I should have acted on.

She loved talking about herself. There was never a "How are you", or "How was your day", or even "How was work?" Sure enough, when I said I didn't want to pursue her, and that we should just keep it as friends, she blew up at me and called me all sorts of names. One of which was "loser". She also said, "You jerk, I deserve better than you".

I remember just looking at her stunned and thinking this girl had some serious internal issues. I told her that she deserves someone better than me, because I for sure would not be able to handle what just happened. I told her she was overreacting because she's not losing anything, but that she would have an opportunity to meet someone else.

She then started blaming me for things I've never done. Like, "You're selfish, you only think about yourself! You never think about me! It's always about what you want to do!"

I told her, "You're talking to me like we were dating each other for two years! We only knew each other for two weeks!" I felt sorry for her, considering that she seemed like she had some emotional hurt that wasn't resolved from her previous relationship.

She Was A Little Crazy

man jumping in front of woman standing on fieldPhoto by Randy Rooibaatjie on Unsplash

I was meeting up with a woman I’d met online. Of course you always wonder if they’ll match their picture. Well, imagine my surprise when a woman who’s eight months pregnant shows up. A fact that all pictures and conversations had somehow managed to omit. We still went out because I wasn't about to dump a single, pregnant woman, but I really should have.

It turned out she was an off-her-meds, extremely depressed pregnant woman with suicidal ideation who proclaimed her undying and eternal love for me by hour one. And just a fun little side note: she was kind of short and so was her dad, who I did get to meet. Their house was on a farm and the whole thing was built to their height. I'm pretty tall and I felt like Gandalf visiting Bilbo.

Three Strikes He’s Out

I was on a first date and I told the guy I was working in the field of statistics. He quickly started talking about how that’s all pointless and meaningless. Um, that’s my profession we’re talking about. Later on, he asked how old my cats were, and I answered that they were 10 and 11. His reply? He said, statistically speaking, "they're going to die soon".

At some point during the date, I think it was while we were walking to the car, he blew out a nose full of snot. The guy didn't even ask if I had a tissue, he just turned around, blew it out, and kept talking as if nothing happened. He actually sounded surprised when I told him I didn't feel a good connection with him.

This Little Fiesta Went Siesta

This was a summer date and it was super muggy out. We got tea and he wanted to sit outside in the sun. He kept going on about engineering and couldn’t take the cue that I wasn’t that interested. The next thing I knew, I had dozed off. I have no idea how long I’d slept for, but I was sweaty and warm and bored. The weird thing is that he kept talking while I napped.

He Wanted The Full Package

man wearing black crew-neck shirtPhoto by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

I had met this guy on a dating app and agreed to meet him in a public park. The guy was an unemployed ex-serviceman and clearly had some mental issues, which weren’t super apparent when texting. As soon as we sat down to chat, he told me about his current terrible living situation and asked if he could move in with me and my kids. He offered to watch them for me while I worked.

I said this wasn’t a great idea and that's when he showed his true colors. He got so mad. I tried to explain and said that I didn’t really know him and we had just met. I was so annoyed that he even thought that it was okay to ask as I’m a very protective mom. The whole time he was very pushy and upset when I wasn’t just going along with whatever plans he already had in his head for us.

Near the end of the meeting, he could tell things weren’t going in his favor and asked if I had intentions of even dating him. I told him outright, "no". He again got mad and just left. Not long after that, I got a message from him saying he’d spent expensive gas coming to meet me, and I could have at least done it with him. Charming. Apparently, I owed him something since I wouldn’t provide him with shelter and financial support.

She Walked Away With It

This woman and I were having a great first date and ended up getting a little tipsy together and singing karaoke. She tricked me into showing her a ring I had inherited from my family. Somehow, being inebriated and merry, I completely messed up and did not realize she had kept the ring. She then made a fast excuse—like she needed to go get something or something—and left with the ring.

It turns out she lied about everything, even that she was from my city. I’ve never seen her—or my ring—since.

The Spy Who Loved Her

On our first date, he told me he was in med school, at the university in the town we lived in. This was a red flag as I knew there was no med school at the local university. I thought perhaps he was taking his pre-med classes or something, so I agreed to go on a second date. On this date, he spent an hour telling me how, when he’d finished with his army service, he had worked as a contractor for the army doing "spy" work in Iraq. He added ominously,"If only you knew the things I’d done!"

During the second date, we had to stop by his apartment to pick something up. While we were there, I noticed all his mail was in a different name than the one that he had given me. This made me super nervous, so I "magically" got a text from my work. I told him there was an emergency and I had to go immediately into work and handle it.

After I told him there wouldn’t be a third date, he got spooky angry. I hoped I would never see him again, but then the worst thing happened: I caught him in the bushes outside my apartment. This happened several times, so I eventually had to get a restraining order in the name he gave me. After that, I never saw him again! Thank God!

It Wasn’t A Good Fit

person walking while carrying a camera and paper bagsPhoto by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

She wanted to have our first date at a shipping mall—which I thought was weird. When we met at the mall, she had her toddler with her. I have kids too, so I got it, but a heads up would have been nice. She told me that she wanted to shop for an outfit for her kid because she was doing a Christmas card family portrait later that week.

It was a bit uncomfortable, but hanging out shopping? Sure, why not. Then, she started holding up clothes to me and I stood back and asked her why. She said it was because I was "about the same size" as her ex and he was going to be in the portrait too. She then asked if I would try things on so she'd know how they would look on her ex. I took the clothes and walked off to "find the fitting room". Instead of finding the fitting room, I found my car instead.

I was very glad we drove separately, and I wasn't leaving her stranded.

He Had A Killer Sense Of Humor

I went on a Tinder date a few years ago. He made multiple creepy comments along the lines of "you know, you really shouldn’t just meet guys off Tinder. What if I was planning to kill you?" and kept trying to play it off as a joke. After the fourth time making that "joke", I started to feel really uneasy. It didn’t help that he was also just an unpleasant person to be around in general.

So, I texted my friend to call me with a made up emergency, so that I had an excuse to leave. He dropped me off at her house, and I thought it was all good. But that's when things took a frightening turn. He got out of the car and walked right into the house. At this point my friend told him he needed to leave. He said, "Alright, fine, I’ll leave", and then just continued to stand there staring at us.

We then asked him again to leave. He said he’d leave but he wanted me to walk him to his car. Obviously, this dude was acting super bizarre, and I was scared if I didn't just go along with what he said that he might lash out. So, stupidly, I said I’d walk him to his car. So, we went outside and got to the car and then he just stood and stared at me again.

I said bye and then quickly started to walk towards the house. All of a sudden, he very angrily demanded that I hug him. At that point I literally just turned around and ran into the house and locked the door. The guy sat in the car outside for like 10 minutes texting me super angry stuff about how he won’t leave until I give him a hug and a kiss.

After getting no response from me whatsoever he finally left. So, yeah I guess you could say that was a bit of a red flag.

It Was Bad From Five Minutes In

I was married for nine years and then got a divorce. I wasn't really ready to start dating, but some friends convinced me to. My first date after nine years was a complete disaster. We met at a restaurant and five minutes, in she told me she ate a sandwich in the car because she wasn't sure I would be able to pay for both drinks and food.

Seven minutes into the date, she advised me that food service was a good field because they rarely look at people's records—even after what that lying boss of hers at Little Caesars said about her. Fifteen minutes into the date, she told me that I didn't need to worry about her around my kids because she’d never be inebriated around them. She felt compelled to add that she might be buzzed around them but never full-on inebriated.

Twenty minutes into the date, she said she liked me because I looked clean. With the last guy she was with, she had hurt her ankle by slipping on some pizza he had on his bedroom floor when they went to get it on together. The pizza on the floor, however, didn’t dissuade her from doing the deed. Despite the urging—nay, pleading—of all my friends, we did not go out again.

She Only Got A Hug

woman holding starbucks disposable cup and smartphonePhoto by Guilherme Stecanella on Unsplash

So, I went on a date with a woman who spent most of her time on her phone. At one point, I even stopped mid sentence to see if she'd notice. She did not. She didn't have any money, so I was buying all the drinks. Then, it just got worse. She started asking me if I wanted to buy some ketamine with her. To top it off, she called her dealer right in front of me.

I put on my coat and started to leave, and she started crying. We talked briefly, and I gave her a big hug and asked if there was anything she needed. She replied with: "Maybe a tenner?" I walked straight out of there. Later, she texted me, asking to see me again. There was absolutely no way I was going to see this woman again.

She Had It Down To An Art

I went on a date with a girl who worked at a well known local art museum. She talked about art in the most technical, plain, boring, dry terms imaginable, and I could barely follow along. I asked questions, and she made me feel like an idiot. I tried to talk about art—which, incidentally, I love—and was again treated like an idiot. Needless to say, there was no second date.

She Waited Six Minutes

I was on a date with a woman and it was only six minutes in when she asked me how much I earned. When I asked why that was relevant, she said she had no intention of working once married, so she wasn't going to waste her time with someone earning less than X amount. I’ve now forgotten the amount she gave, but I remember it being very high, and nowhere close to what I was earning at the time.

I said, "I don't think this is going to work, then". She sighed and said I was another broke loser who thought I could get girls when I wasn't prepared to support them. I noped out of there.

He Had A Temper

man in red carPhoto by Mubariz Mehdizadeh on Unsplash

I once went out on a date with a guy who I’d met on gay.com. He asked to pick me up, which was fine. He picked me up and proceeded to road rage at absolutely everyone for any reason whatsoever. At one point, his head was out the window screaming profanities at an innocent family in a van, who had not even slightly cut him off. I was so scared.

He Loved Radio

So, my date came in, and first thing off the bat said he recognized me from my acne scars. They’re not that bad, in fact, they're very minor. We moved to a coffee shop and halfway through coffee arriving, suddenly, he just jumped out the window. It was a low, large window, so this was pretty easily done. Once he landed on the sidewalk, he legged it up the street.

I sat there in literal disbelief for ages unsure if I should pay the coffee tab or what even happened. He eventually came back. Apparently, he’d recognized his favorite D-grade radio celebrity walking past and just had to go and tell them how much he loves them. He was raving about how exciting this was while I sat there dumbfounded.

Free Tats

I started talking to a guy over Facebook Messenger who was a tattoo artist about to open up his own shop. He invited me to come chill at the shop while setting stuff up. I hadn't even been there five or 10 minutes when he started questioning if I told anyone I was there, or where I was going. And if this wasn’t weird enough, it was about to get weirder.

He started asking what tattoos I wanted next and offered to give me a free tattoo right then. And then he tells me that if I'll be his girlfriend, he'll give me all my tattoos for free. I came up with an excuse to dip out fast. It was so bizarre, this dude was a seriously good tattoo artist. I kind of kick myself for not getting the free ink when I had the chance. He was pretty attractive, too. If he had not acted like a creep straight off the bat, he would've had a very decent chance of scoring.

On A Scale from One To Ten: You Suck

black haired man making facePhoto by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

There was a guy who I was considering hooking up with. That is, until he said the following: he told me over and over again that I was a solid 7.5 out 10—at best. He said this was okay because most guys lower their standards as they are typically only requiring a six and above for marriage potential. Yeah, I was done after I found out he wasn't joking.

Temper, Temper

I was on a first date with a guy, and things were going okay. I went to the bar to get another drink, and the bartender wrote a CD recommendation on a piece of paper for me. When I got back to our table, my date said, "Did you just give that guy your number?" I was shocked and told him, "no", and that I’d just swapped music recommendations with him.

The guy got super angry and said that he was going to knock the bartender’s block off. I couldn’t help but make a comment about this guy’s bad temper. He agreed with me and told me about a time he got so angry while in traffic that punched his fist through the windscreen. He had scars to prove it. That was a big nope.

He Didn’t Just Lose His Shirt

I went out with a girl, we hit it off well to the point that things heated up and I spent the night at her place. The next morning, I awoke to an embarrassing surprise: all of my clothes were missing and so was she. It turns out, she had taken all of my clothes, including my underwear, with her to work. So, what could I do? I had no clothes and no way to leave her house.

So, I waited for her to come home from work. To her credit, she had cleaned and pressed my clothes as she worked at a dry cleaner. They were just jeans, a button up shirt, trench coat and underwear—but I appreciated the effort. She also replaced a broken button and a tear in the shoulder on my London Fog trench overcoat. This was also very nice and kind.

I was grateful for her efforts, but still put off that I had waited 10 hours for her to get home since I had to essentially stay in bed under the covers. In my mind there would be no second date. She was, however, my friend's friend, so I did see her from time to time when we went out, but I never went back out on an official date with her again.

Her Dance Card Was Full

a couple of people that are dancing on a dance floorPhoto by Preillumination SeTh on Unsplash

I was set up on a blind date with a woman who possibly had some issues mentally. When I got to her home to pick her up, we sat around in the living room before we left for dinner. Unfortunately, all she did was talk about her boyfriend who, two years previous to our date, had lost his life in a car accident. Apparently, he’d been driving too fast and was over the limit to operate a vehicle.

After telling me about the accident, she excused herself to go get something. That's when the date turned into a creepshow. She came back with something that had belonged to the guy. Something she had kept to remember him by. To my horror, it was a blood soaked book from the day of the accident. It was very creepy. Even though this was a huge red flag, I decided to go ahead with the date.

We went to the restaurant and sat and talked and enjoyed our meal. Our meal was about midway through, and we decided to pause and enjoy a dance together. After we returned to our table, some stranger came up and asked her to dance, and she said yes, which surprised me, but I decided just to be chill about it.

An hour later, she hadn’t come back from dancing, so I just got up and walked out. I figured she was having more fun with him, so he could give her a ride home. I think it took her a long time to notice I was gone. Looking back, I could have handled that better. And I don’t like how many times I’ve had to say this in my life: "Could’ve done better".

She Had Two Choices

This happened when I was in college. I was hanging out with this guy in a state park during the night—I know it was a terrible idea. It was going alright until out of nowhere he said: "Don't you ever have the urge to hurt people in very bad ways?" Imagine being with a guy in the middle of the night in a park where nobody is around you and suddenly you hear that. Yikes!

So, suddenly, I wanted to get away from this guy. But there was one big problem: I didn't know my way back to the dorm room. I asked him to help me, and he said he wouldn’t. He gave me two choices: I could figure out the way back by myself or I could spend more time with him in the woods. He then took my phone, so I wouldn’t be able to check the Maps app.

I can't believe how naive I could be sometimes when I fall for someone. I am so glad nothing bad happened.