Adolescence is very hard.
For one thing, your body is going through ten million changes and hormones at any given time.
For another, you don't really grasp what's happening to you. Everything feels like life or death. Everybody feels like they're operating in a way that they will nonstop for the rest of their lives.
Though that's not true, that feels impossible to understand.
Here were some of those answers.
Boundaries: The MusicalGiphy
Learn to say No, if a request makes you uncomfortable you can say No, even it's to family or friends! It's healthy to set boundaries and learn to respect others people's too :)
Car Keep Talking Talking Car Talk
As a parent of older teens, I'd like to offer a small bit of advice to parents of younger kids:
Always volunteer to drive them places. Your kid might not voluntarily talk to you at home, but they will in the car. I have no idea why this is, I figured this out quite by accident. I'm certain smarter people than me know why.
Their friends too...their friends will talk to you in the car, and if you have a bunch of kids in the car they'll almost forget you're there & you'll hear all kinds of things.
So yeah, be the parent that they can always count on for a ride.
A Love Thyself Moment
It's okay to take some time to take care of your mental health, nobody will hate you for it.
At my school they're trying to implement mental health teaching around the school. But imo they're doing it wrong. They're teaching to eat junk food and meditate. But it's important to note that caring for mental health can be as simple as reading a good book for a few hours when you're getting stressed
Forgiveness: Can You Imagine?
Your parents are just flawed people too. They are [mostly] trying their best, but will still make mistakes.
I absolutely agree. It is also important as parents to own your mistakes in front of your children. Not only does it teach them that we are not perfect, it shows we are willing to accept when we are wrong, apologise and we will learn to do better, accept their point of view and advice if it is about them personally too. It is important to let them accept your apology in their own time too, it shows that there are consequences, even as adults and it also teaches that sometimes a sorry isn't always enough.
Nobody is perfect, we will all mistakes along the way, it is how we deal with it that matters.
Love As A Verb
That we love and care about them, I think we often get caught up in day-to-day life and forget to tell them this.
I know my mother loves me, but she never told us, nor did she ever hug us or show physical affection.
So sometimes it's still hard to believe that I can be loved.
She did her best raising us as a single mother, and her being left by our father because he didn't love her any more seemed to translate to us a bit. I didn't feel affection growing up, I just remember bitterness and sadness. I know it wasn't easy for her.
If I have kids, I am going to do things differently.
There's nothing wrong with not liking to talk to people as long as you're friendly. Don't force yourself to be talkative just because others want you to be. You'll still need to learn social skills like gauging trustworthiness, effective communication, and helpfulness. However, you don't need to force yourself to be talkative to be socially adept; you juat have to be mindful.
The List Of Hindsight
Your emotions won't be this intense forever. But they are real and valid. My parents always invalidated my feelings — too dramatic, it's just your hormones, you'll grow out of it, you don't know how good you have it — while on some base level they possibly were right, it didn't mean my feelings weren't real and intense in that moment. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. But don't wallow or feed the Depression Kitty. It DOES get better.
If social media makes you feel sh*tty, just stop. It makes everyone feel sh*tty — even the people whose lives seem so much better and glamorous than yours. Chances are, they're posting that stuff to not feel shitty too. Remember, everyone is posting their Greatest Hits
. Remember, everybody poops — even the girl posting glam pics from Greece, she probably pooped right before or after the pic. Point is, don't get wrapped up in that. Take a month or two break from social media and see how you feel.
You don't HAVE to go to college. And you also don't have to NOT go if you don't know what to do with your life. You'll figure it out, maybe get inspired by your classes. And, as long as it will not launch you into a huge debt, it IS ok to Major in something you might not end up getting a career in. (To an extent). College is more than career training. It's a much bigger learning experience about... everything! People, the world, yourself. Don't dig a debt, work very hard, have lots of fun, and try to keep your eyes on a career path, but also absorb everything like a sponge.
I hated when people told me, "you won't even miss high school when you're older." I did, for a little bit. And now, I really don't. As important as it is as a state of your pre-adulthood, in the big scheme of things, it's just a tiny chapter. So don't get hung up on the mistakes you made or the drama you had. Appreciate the experience for what it gave you, and move on.
Lastly, and where I go all old lady, Please put your phone away in the car. Even at stoplights. Just wait until you arrive. You may be super used to it, but it only takes one second of inattention to become potentially fatal. Someone just died in my neighborhood for this very reason. Sending a snap. It can wait.
(edit to add #6) Teach yourself personal finance basics. Your school and maybe parents probably neglected this, if times haven't changed all that much. But... The internet is wonderful! You can teach yourself. Take an edX or Kahn or iTunesU course. Learn the basics and start saving. Really truly understand student loans before taking them. And save. Saving sounds like something you have plenty of time for later... when you make more money... but tomorrow never comes. Learn and save now.
It Goes Up From Here
A lot of people try to glamorize high school and make you think your high school years are the best years of your life. For a lot of people, this just isn't true. It's okay not to like high school or to feel like you don't belong. You are not alone. It gets better.
High schoolers deal with a lot of heavy sh!t. A lot of mental illness comes to light at this age, including depression and anxiety but also heavier stuff. Many who struggle with these issues won't get help until years later. High school kids also deal with a lot of issues, like identity issues, bullying, pressure to conform, disputes with parents, the pressure associated with juggling work, school and life that often get better once high school is done. Hang in there, it does get better.
Who You've Become
That we miss you & we actually want to spend time with you, not because of how you were (our little boy/girl) but because we are in awe of who you are and want to get to know you better, so you know we love you unconditionally but also that it's ok and fun to hang out sometimes; soon you'll be leaving home, time passes quickly, and we want to create as many good memories as we can for you so you can use them for when the world is not so kind and I'm not around to give you a hug... you're amazing, you've always been and I know your life will be filled with ups and downs but I hope the love we share reminds you that you'll always have a soft spot to land
The Measure Of A PersonGiphy
Be calm when arguing your point of view. Accept criticism, shrug off the type of personal attacks and ad hominems that don't contribute to the debate.
And don't measure how right you are by number of upvotes or downvotes.
Parenting is an arduous, often thankless job.
If it's not something you ever really wanted, or even if it is, you have to be careful.
Toxic parents create toxic people.
And that is born from a lot of unresolved trauma.
RedditorGemJoltik34wanted to spread the word on the ways we can recognize toxic parenting.
"What is a sign of toxic parenting?"
I know I wasn't built for parenting. That's ok. It's just not for me.
Know it AllKnowing Cedric The Entertainer GIF by CBSGiphy
"Always believing they're right because they're the adult and therefore not letting the child have any say."
"If you feel like you can't be open and honest with them, even over things that are not bad."
"I can’t remember the last time I was deeply honest about my feelings or things I was struggling with. Somehow they always either 1. find a way to use it against me or 2. they find a way to blame it on things that are unrelated when in the end, it’s usually their crappy way of parenting."
"This is mainly about my mom. But in my dads case, he is emotionally cut off. He doesn’t express himself like ever. My mom is the complete opposite."
"Being unable to apologize, setting and enforcing standards they themselves don't follow."
"When I tell my parents about something I feel like they should apologize my dad listens to me, if he disagrees with what I said he tells me why and if he thinks that my reasoning is correct he says 'you're right, I'm sorry,' my mom yells at me, cries, 'you're talking back, I would've never done that to my mother.' Guess who I have a better relationship with."
"When they constantly invalidate your feelings."
"This one in a huge way… my feelings were never validated. Every time I cried it was 'stop the crocodile tears, you’re just looking for attention.' Every time I was mad 'you don’t have real reasons to be upset.' Hell, even when I was physically hurt it’d usually be something like 'rub some dirt on it.'"
Lessonsfrank costanza seinfeld GIF by HULUGiphy
"Never actually teaching your kids anything, just criticizing, 'I told you so' and 'because I said so.'"
"This was my life just about every day until I moved out. My parents expected me to know things and got pissed when I did something wrong."
People should be required to take parenting classes. Seriously...
Mental SpaceDoctor Help GIF by Apple TV+Giphy
"Parents not understanding kids have bad days too. They may not have a bad day like an adult would, but to their little minds they can get just as overwhelmed as we can mentally."
"Not being allowed to make mistakes and constantly being shouted at for them."
"My significant other has legit PTSD from not meeting his parents standards and being yelled at and screamed for it. Apparently if he didn't clean to their standards they would trash the room and make him start all over again instead of just getting the parts he missed."
I Feel It
"Treating kids like they aren't supposed to have emotions."
"Damn... felt this one. My mom was this way and reacted with anger anytime I tried to talk to her about my feelings, whether it be something she did to me that traumatized me or just something that upset me during the day."
"Then had an ex who did the exact same thing (not relevant to parenting but yeah). So the treatment I received from my mom and ex made me put up a wall around my emotions. Completely ruined my recent marriage. Just hope my son always knows he can talk about his feelings around me."
"The 'I guess I’m just a bad parent' line."
"Or 'Well, I wasn't perfect,' or 'I don't think I ever claimed to be perfect,' or 'I know I was not a perfect parent,' always with the implication that the only reason their offspring have a problem with them is due to their expectations of perfection, and therefore, the problem is with the child and their unrealistic expectations."
Just say it!Sorry Pop Tv GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy
"Never apologizing. Own up to your mistakes!"
"Seriously. Like my mom will give a somewhat apology, it'll be along the lines of 'I was in the right, but maybe I shouldn't have blown up and overreacted like I did.' Like sometimes she's right with that but other times she's just trying to only take partial blame."
Some parents cause far more damage than happiness. And we have proof... It's not a decision to be taken lightly.
Reasons to be single #1... you avoid monkeypox, apparently.
#2... all your money is yours. And Uncle Sam's.
#3... more room in bed.
#4... the list is endless.
Not to be down on love, love is great.
But love doesn't have to be the full journey.
Redditor Inspire3110 wanted to share all the best reasons to not partner up.
"What’s a benefit of being single?"
I'm single. I think I want to mingle. Convince me otherwise.
Just MeDave Chappelle Freedom GIFGiphy
"You only have to worry about yourself."
"I just started a casual relationship after about a year and a half of being single. Even though that previous one lasted 4.5 years, having to care about someone even a little bit is taking some adjustment. It was nice being free lol."
"It's my day off. I have a bunch of projects to do around the house, but I'm laying on the couch reading Reddit. No one cares."
"So true. I just wanna laze in bed all day on my day off sometimes. Bring in some snacks, watch a movie, read my books, take a nap or two. I don't need someone constantly asking 'are you getting up yet?'"
"Christmas is chill af. None of that 'Ok so we spend the eve at your parent's place, then Christmas day is split between my mom's and my dad's/his new girlfriend's place, and then we visit your brother's family to say hi to the newborn, plus uncle Jeremy invited us to his place since we are there anyway..."
"Not answering to anyone else. I've been single for a long time after my marriage ended. The temptation to just pick up with someone new was strong for the first few years, but once I got used to just being by myself, I came to really enjoy it. I'm free to do what I want, when I want. While I'm open to it, it will take someone very special to change my situation now."
Places & ThingsHeart Coffee GIF by 100% SoftGiphy
"Everything is exactly where I left it."
"Yeeessss. That little bit of milk you left for your morning coffee. It will be there in the morning."
These are all valid choices. I'm in.
Betrayali see you no GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy
"Don't have to worry about having your trust betrayed. Don't have anyone to lie to you. You have complete control over how peaceful things are for you (barring things out of control like traffic or construction work in the neighborhood)."
"You have the opportunity to focus on your own needs and/or make giant strides in your career progression without having to factor in and address the needs of your companion."
ControlJanet Jackson Dancing GIF by VevoGiphy
"Don't have to worry about having your trust betrayed. Don't have anyone to lie to you. You have complete control over how peaceful things are for you (barring things out of control like traffic or construction work in the neighbourhood)."
"I know someone who turned down a top-tier professional sports contract because his girl would break up if he would've accepted it, since she didn't want to move from Europe to America. He killed his hockey-career with that decision, and his girl is almost threatening to leave him if he gets out of shape. Can't believe he's still with her."
"Don't have to answer to anyone about where you're going."
"This. When I became single after almost 10 years, for a good few months every time I would walk out the door I would instinctively feel the urge to say where I was going. Weirdest feeling ever, kind of like the Altoids thing Jim did with Dwight."
"Unless you have a pet. I tell my cat where I'm going every time I leave the house, even if it's just outside to smoke a bowl. If I don't, she screams like a banshee until I open the door... then I get a low solid meow, like she's saying 'Really?'"
Keep you warm...
"Getting a good night's sleep. I got so tired of being awakened by someone groping me or poking me in the lower back. The whining about 'why don't you sleep naked' coupled with the 'you don't need blankets - I'll keep you warm.' I can't spend 8 hours every night f**king. I need sleep."
EAT IT!!Tina Fey Nbc GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
"You can take a complete cake home and eat all of it."
Who knew being single could be this fun?! Plenty of people apparently.
Feel-good dramas and hysterical comedies can leave an indelible impression on audiences and make them want to come back for multiple viewings.
The films with inspiring storylines, brilliant cinematography, or Oscar-worthy performances are the most memorable.
But there are films that have the opposite effect on moviegoers, making them wish they never saw them in the first place, despite critical acclaim in their respective genres.
Curious to hear some of the more negative moviegoing experiences, Redditor Outrageous-Abies8391 asked:
"What is the most disturbing movie you've ever come across ?"
The atrocities of war are dramatically represented in some of the most powerful films.
"Johnny Got His Gun, saw it in early ‘70’s, still can’t forget it."
Depiction Of Nuclear Winter
"Threads (1984) is by far the scariest movie I've ever seen. It shows the events of a nuclear war breaking out, and the chilling aftermath. There's no hope and no happy ending, truly terrifying stuff."
A Devastating Letter
"The answer to this and all questions like it is always 'dear zachery…' I cant unsee that rage from the grandfather. Its maybe 30secs and it's stayed with me longer than anything I've ever seen in a movie. Want real proof that a good, loving person WISHES he had murdered someone in calculating, cold blood? Got your movie for you."
Parents' Worst Nightmare
"Netflix documentary Abducted in Plain Sight. Movie synopsis: WTF, really!?"
Real-life horrors make for even greater disturbing cinematic experiences.
Trapped In Delusion
"Requiem for a Dream. It's one of those you can really only watch once."
They're called horror movies for a reason.
"The first Hostel movie really got to me. Not sure if I was just unprepared or what, but that movie disturbed me more than I expected."
It's Banned In Many Countries
A Serbian Film
"Came to say this. There were scenes that I wish I could scrub from my memory."
"I own this one and honestly it's just sort of shock value for the most part. Ironically because the cinematography is relatively professional it makes some of the scenes somewhat goofy for their disturbing content."
"The actual content itself is pretty f'ked but somehow because it's well made I didn't really feel as disturbed as I should have. Films like Cannibal Holocaust, Irreversible, Antichrist, and although I haven't seen them Audition and Martyrs, those films make you feel sickly and carry a heavy weight of knowledge with viewing them."
"A Serbian film is the transformers of the disturbing film genre, there's alot that goes on but it's mostly shock value and well put together production value. I've seen A Serbian film 4 different times."
Slaughtered Vomit Dolls
'If you need a movie to have some form of a linear story, don’t bother with this one. If you are tired of seeing women constantly berated and insulted and shown as weak and scared, don’t bother with this one. And if vomit isn’t your thing, yeah, definitely don’t bother with this one.' - Horrornews.net
"Yeah, might give it a pass."
Mad scientists coming up with the most twisted experiments is the premise in these revolting flicks.
"The human centipede."
"I have not seen that, so can't really answer. The worst part of Human Centipede for me was the bodily claustrophobia and psychological horror, not the visible gore. There are only two films I have ever seen that I wanted to walk out of: that and Lars von Trier's Antichrist."
Obsession With A Walrus
"Agreed ! f'king made me feel so uncomfortable soo weird!"
The movies that disturbed me most were, as mentioned above, Tusk and Human Centipede.
I could have stopped watching them as soon as I got sick to my stomach. But as a completionist, I voluntarily subjected to torturing myself.
If you are faint of heart, I strongly suggest you avoid these films. You've been warned.
There's nothing more unsettling than waking up in the middle of the night.
Particularly if what woke you up was a loud, unsettling creepy sound.
The only thing that could make the experience more nightmarish is opening your eyes and seeing something that makes you jump out of bed.
Most of the time, what ends up scaring the living daylights out of us is nothing more than a pile of laundry we forgot to put away or a cat's shadow, and find ourselves laughing about it weeks or even days later
Others however, haven't been so lucky, waking up to discover they were actually in legitimate danger.
Redditor SpaceHubYT was eager to hear the most terrifying things people woke up to in the middle of the night, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest thing you’ve woken up to in the middle of the night?"
Keeping an extra close eye...hopefully?
"My grandmother just standing there in the dark by my bed, quietly wringing her hands and staring at me."- fryinpaskettimobster
Terrifying no matter when
"My mom saying I needed to get up and go with the cop."- abletable342
An experience no one deserves
"My mom screaming up the stairs 'get out of the house now!!!' and my brother swinging my door open to get us out."
"The house was on fire."- stoneytopaz
One hundred little fingers...
"Centipede crawling on my face."
"I still shiver thinking about when that happened."- Slight_Librarian_399Bug Insect GIF by AquariumMeGiphy
A lesson well learned?
"A cop walking into my Airbnb at 4am in Tennessee."
"Somehow he had the code and just.. walked in."
"I was sleeping on the couch right near the front door."
"He yelled at me and asked my name and what I was doing there."
"I was dazed and said 'ugh, I’m sleeping here man' and he’s like 'we were called about a B n E at this address'." - Reddit
"And I said 'I dunno man' and he was like 'well, sorry to disturb you'."
"And he walked out."
"Found out later that the call came In from a different address and the cop still had the door code from a previous call that was put in at this building before."
"This is where I learned if someone breaks in to where I’m sleeping In the middle of the night, I ain’t gonna do sh*t."
"My reaction time is about 5 minutes."- ReferHvacGuy
Sharing a midnight snack?
"Cat dropping a giant a** spider on my chest, then giant spider disappearing in my panic."- lady_of_the_lacattack spider GIFGiphy
One can only imagine...
"My wife sitting straight up out of bed and screaming while pointing down the hallway."
"She talks in her sleep, usually it’s hilarious."
"That time it was not."- BrotherOfTheOrder
Nature's alarm clock
"8.8 Richter scale earthquake at 3am."- sparkdaniel
There's a first time for literally everything.
"Lived in an old building in NYC."
"Had a neighbor across the hall that would seldom have night terrors."
"1st time it happened, it was about 4am and I was pretty sure she was getting murdered from the piercing screaming and loud thumps from her flailing around and the sound of glass breaking."
"I grabbed a meat cleaver and went into the hallway in my underwear to see that everyone else in the building was also awake and poking their heads out into the hallway wondering what to do."
"Me and 2 other neighbors eventually knocked on her door and when she answered she looked pale like a ghost and was dripping in sweat."
"She didn't remember any of it, apologized and explained to us her condition."
"That was some blood curdling sh*t."
"She was very apologetic about it and bought us all six packs of beer for freaking us out."
"Me and the two neighbors that decided to take action were all 100% sure that she was getting murdered at that moment."
"I lived there for 2 years and I think she only had 2 episodes during that time."- azninvasion2000
Be it over nothing, or something incredibly serious, being woken up at all hours of the morning is never a pleasant experience.
As the place everyone should always feel safest of all, is in the comfort of their own bed.