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Tech Support People Share The Most Awful Situations They've Ever Had To Deal With

Tech Support People Share The Most Awful Situations They've Ever Had To Deal With

NOT always the server.

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_**_Here's another tale from the out of hours hell desk... This gem happened a few days ago.

Me: Service Desk


Me: Which server are you referring to?


Me: okay... what is it that you are trying to do?


(yes, she was SHOUTING the entire time)

Me: Please can you stop shouting at me and tell me which server you are talking about or what it is that you are trying to do? has many different servers for different things, I need to know exactly what isn't working?


(In the background I've already loaded up our server monitoring tools - no alerts)

Me: I've checked our monitoring, I'm not seeing any servers as being down. Which department are you calling from?


Me: Can I get your Staff ID please?

Caller: IRRELEVANT. click

10 minutes later...

Me: Service Desk


Me: Nothing.


Me: You still haven't told me which server is down or what is not actually working?


Me: Ma'am I can see you are calling me from your Desk Phone, is that correct?

Caller: YES!

Me: and this is the phone you can not make calls from, correct?

Caller: YES!

Me: ...

Me: Do you see why I'm having trouble understanding the problem?


Me: Ma'am that number is 3 digits short of a valid number, that is why the call is not connecting.


I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

Macaveli54and boss decided to have a little fun with the ridiculous.

So I had a customer call me up in mobile tech support with the problem that his data wasn't working for 20 minutes, pretty quickly I find out why; he had accidentally turned off his data on the phone menu (which happens a lot but usually the customer goes "oops silly me"). So this customer starts demanding that he want's compensation for his time without service and being very rude about it. After a couple of minutes he's not taking this is not something we did, but his mistake as a answer, so I get an idea, I tell him I'm going to go speak to my manager. I went up to my manager, explain what's happening, he says the customer's being ridiculous and I said,

"Listen I have this idea for him, are you okay with this?" then explain my idea.

"Are you kidding? Let me get on call listening before you go back, I wanna hear this."

I go back to the phone, he gave me the thumbs up that he was ready to listen and I proceed.

"Right sir, I just had a word with my manager and I've managed to swing something for you, so let's break this down, you pay us 39.99 a month for 3 services; calls, texts and data, so let's divide your bill by 3 that give us 13.33, so let's divide further by 30 days to gives 44 pence for your daily data, now you had your data turned off for 20 minutes but for the purpose of this I'll round it up to an hour so we just need to divide that 44 pence by 24 hours so that means your looking at compensation of 1.8 pence so let's just say 2."

I looked over at my manager during and he was covering his mouth laughing. Customer goes;

"Are you having a f@#*ing laugh?"

"No sir the math is there."

"............Go on then I'll take it"

Each of us is someone's IT person now and again.

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LTLFTP+Hard to format on mobile.

Ok, so I am by no means an IT but the one who everyone in my family call when they need help.

So I get a call from my grandpa (89 yrs old) about a new win 10 laptop he just got and he needs help setting it up.

Now keep in mind he is the kind of person to blame the machinery if he clicks on the wrong thing so I already knew this would not end in a phone call - so I drove to his place expecting to see it still in the box. That was not the case.

When I arrive, I see him already in his desktop, after he somehow managed to install windows correctly on his own accord - and waiting for me while playing minesweeper. As he greets me, he freaking ALT+F4's to close the game and then tells me he cannot connect to the internet.

Not sure what happened in the week I wasn't there, I ask if he could show me the problem.

He then OPENS CMD AND PINGS HIS OWN CELLPHONE and then points at the 0 packets text to show me there is no connection.

At this point id probably look less surprised if I see an alien invasion.

So after showing him that you need to enter the password to connect to his home wifi, he then asks me how to see his email account again.

Still completely stunned, I show him how to access his outlook account and how to delete some messages.

And the craziest part- when I asked him how did he know about CMD his answer was: "I learned it from grandma".


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_Give me my recyclables!! WHERE ARE MY RECYCLABLES?!! _

Hey everyone, thought I would share this tale from one of my IT buddies. He had this one woman that would always puts tickets in for the smallest things. But this one takes the cake.


IT - IT Buddy

CW - Confused Woman

IT saw a ticket had come in and it was from CW. It said: "You deleted all my files! I need them to do my job!" IT called CW to see what was going on because we don't delete personal files off of people's computers unless there is a good reason for it and we have the user's permission. So while he was on the phone, he remotes into her computer and noticed everything but the recycling bin was missing on her desktop. He noticed that there was files in the recycling bin, so he opened it and all her files are there.

IT: Here are all your files, did you move them into here?

CW: Yes I did, I moved them in here to recycle them so they will be clean for me to work on them.

IT: .....Excuse me?

CW: Yes, I move them to the recycling bin to make them new again so I can reuse the files.

IT: This is the trash bin, you would move files here to delete them off of your computer.


So for the next half hour, my buddy had to teach her how to use the recycling bin.


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I work at a local authority on the helldesk. Social workers are the bane of my existence but you learn to cope with their general incompetence as part of the job. But sometimes they can still surprise you. This happened today.

So, we use a generic username for most of our computers so that people can log onto the machine, then from there they log into Citrix to work. Everyone knows the username and password for this. It's literally written on the walls in most areas, because the only thing it can access is another login page, so it isn't a security issue. Most of these accounts stay logged on at all times to save confusing the geniuses that work here. A guy rang up, said hello and asked for the generic login details. I've changed the exact username and password but other than that this is more or less word for word:

Genius: So what's the username?

Me: It's 'Computer'.

Genius: so is that the asset number of the PC?

Me: No no, it's just the word 'Computer'

Genius: And then backslash my name?

Me: NO. It's the word 'Computer.' C-O-M-P-U-T-E-R. Computer. nothing else.

Genius: And what's the password?

Me: It's 'P4ssword'. As in, the word 'Password' with a capital 'P', but you replace the 'a' with a '4'.

Genius: So it's 'Password4'?

Me: NO. It is not. It is 'P-4-s-s-w-o-r-d' With a capital P at the beginning. Everything else is lower case.

Genius: Ok, so the username is ComputerP4ssword. What's the password?

Me: NO. The username is Computer. The password is 'P4ssword'. That's everything. Just two words. Two boxes, two words.

Genius: type type type It didn't work. I typed in 'password' but it said it's incorrect.

Me: Spell out what you typed for me please.

Genius: 'p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d'

Me: very slowly and clearly, in case it was my accent or something ... Like i said. CAPITAL P. NUMBER FOUR. LOWER CASE S, LOWER CASE S, LOWER CASE W, LOWERCASE O, LOWERCASE R, LOWER CASE D. P4ssword.

Genius: type type click Nope. And it says the account is locked. I used a capital P this time definitely.

Me: did you use a 4 instead of the a?

Genius: Use four whats?

I remoted to the machine and typed it in for him. He complained that the system was needlessly complicated.

Special users

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Every office has their special users. The ones who can't figure out anything technical, everything is an emergency, and everything has to function exactly the same or they can't work. At my job, it is the HR lady. Since she is just HR, all her problems boil down to a printer error, excel, word, reboot and it works type of issues, and since I am the System admin they are all my responsibility.

However, every issue she has she comes back to IT, walks right by my desk goes to the programmer, manager, network admin and explains the issue. Every time they either tell her to go me (even though she gets rude), or relay the info to me to fix.

A few weeks back, she had a problem with the calculations on an excel spreadsheet. Everyone was at lunch, so she's forced to ask me. Immediately, I say it is probably rounding up or down because it is only off by a penny. This doesn't suffice, so she ignores me and waits until lunches are done to return. She goes to programmer guy and like usual, he passes it to me. I email her with a breakdown showing how it is rounding. She still wants programmer guy to look at it, so my manager responds with a message saying he will get to when he can.

Well, programmer guy is swamped, the new website launch is getting pushed out, her excel "problem" gets shelved with her emails coming ever more frequent. My manager even resends my explanation, but she wants programmer guy to look at it. This is unacceptable, so she goes to the VP saying we aren't helping her.

My boss sets up a meeting with the 3 of us for me to explain the issue. It was the shortest meeting ever because I start explaining it and our VP completely understands right away. The VP cuts me off, looks at HR lady and says "You pulled me into a meeting for this?"

TLDR; HR lady with easy issue ignores obviously solution only to be burned by VP.

Seriously, techies have the patience of Gob.

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Seriously, techies have the patience of Gob.

I witnessed this astounding IT meltdown around 2004 in a large academic organization.

An employee decided to send a broad solicitation about her need for a local apartment. She happened to discover and use an type of email address that included everyone. And by "everyone," I mean every employee in a 30,000-employee academic institution. Everyone from the CEO on down received this lady's apartment inquiry.

Of course, this kicked off the usual round of "why am I getting this" and "take me offa list" and "omg everyone stop replying" responses... each reply-all'ed to, so 30,000 new messages. Email started to bog down as a half-million messages apparated into mailboxes.

IT Fail #1: Not necessarily making an email address - that's quite reasonable - but granting unrestricted access to it (rather than configuring the mail server to check the sender and generate one "not the CEO = not authorized" reply).

That wasn't the real problem. That incident might've simmered down after people stopped responding.

In a 30k organization, lots of people go on vacay, and some of them (let's say 20) remembered to set their email to auto-respond about their absence. And the auto-responders responded to the same recipients - including So, every "I don't care about your apartment" message didn't just generate 30,000 copies of itself... it also generated 30,000 * 20 = 600,000 new messages. Even the avalanche of apartment messages became drowned out by the volume of "I'll be gone 'til November" auto-replies.

That also wasn't the real problem, which, again, might have died down all by itself.

The REAL problem was that the mail servers were quite diligent. The auto-responders didn't just send one "I'm away" message: they sent an "I'm away" message in response to every incoming message... including the "I'm away" messages of the other auto-responders.

The auto-response avalanche converted the entire mail system into an Agent-Smith-like replication factory of away messages, as auto-responders incessantly informed not just every employee, but also each other, about employee status.

The email systems melted down. Everything went offline. A 30k-wide enterprise suddenly had no email, for about 24 hours.

That's not the end of the story.

The IT staff busied themselves with mucking out the mailboxes from these millions of messages and deactivating the auto-responders. They brought the email system back online, and their first order of business was to send out an email explaining the cause of the problem, etc. And they addressed the notification email to

IT Fail #2: Before they sent their email message, they had disabled most of the auto-responders - but they missed at least one.

More specifically: they missed at least two. sfsdfd

_Sometimes people should come with warning labels. _

Last year, Help Desk got a call from a user complaining that the laptop we issued him would not read DVDs. He was one of those "I'm a very busy and a very important man, and I don't have time to follow your troubleshooting steps over the phone. Just fix it, dammit." kinda guys, so he said he would get someone to drop off the laptop at our office and pick up a loaner.

We received the laptop a couple days later, there was a note attached saying that now it wasn't even booting into Windows anymore. Sure enough, he was right - it didn't even attempt to load Windows, and instead we were greeted by the "Non-system disk or disk error" message. It sounded and looked like the PC was trying to boot from the DVD drive instead of the HDD.

We opened the disk tray, and saw the culprit. There was a DVD in there, all right - but it was placed upside down.

We flipped the disc over.

He was trying to watch "Dumb and Dumber".

Nothing lasts forever!

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This comes from the wonderful world of home security systems customer support. My coworker fields this one.

$CW is coworker.

$GOG is grumpy old guy.

$CW: "thank you for calling Blah Blah Blah Security, how may I help you?"

$GOG: Gives name, address, password, blood sample of first born for verification purposes. "Well my system isn't accepting codes and won't turn on or off. I think it started after the storm that came through last night."

$CW: "Did lightning strike your house or close by?"

$GOG: "yes"

$CW: "I see. Based on the age of the system, it probably took a surge. We're unable to get replacement parts anymore, so you'll need an upgrade. I can get someone in sales to call you with a price."

$GOG: "Well can't you just send someone out to fix it?"

$CW: "We certainly can, but as it's obsolete equipment it's unlikely they can repair it. You'd still be billed for the service call."

This is where the customer gets irate


$CW: soft voice "Well Sir, it was brand new in 1986."


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I work for a small software company doing IT and customer service work supporting the users of our order-writing software.

We brought on a new company 6 months or so ago, and along with it, came a sales rep we'll call Virginia.

Virginia is 75 years old, "not good with computers", but has the best sense of humor and understanding I've ever had from a client. Every time she calls in she's always got something to say, which usually ends in a "I hope you've got your Vallium nearby!", And considers us all Wizards.

We recently updated our software, and sent an email out notifying users of this. She calls in yesterday, and we chat it up while I explain to her that yes, this was a real email, not spam, and that she should in fact update her program.

She says "Ok, I'm going to try to be a big girl and update this myself, but stay by the phone!"

A few minutes go by, and the phone rings, sure enough, it's her on the Caller ID, so I pick up without using the standard greeting, and say "Hey, Virginia!"

She responds, "Darn, how did you recognize me with my hat and fake mustache on!?"

I lost it for a bit. Having a long week full of incompetent, ignorant, or intentionally destructive users was washed away because this little old lady told the most Dad-like joke over the phone.

TL;DR - Not all old users are bad, especially if they can laugh at themselves.

So, I had to walk a client through setting up a printer over the phone. Which required her to set an IP address to the printer. Also she is not tech smart at all.

Me: "Ok, do you have a usb cable? Sometimes they come with the printer"

Her: "No, im looking in the box now. Theres no usb cable. Only the printer and power"

So it needs to me networked, great. I walk her through getting the printer on her network

Me: "Ok, do you see a place to enter 4 numbers?"

Her: "Yep, its right here"

Me: "Ok the number is"

Her: "Ok, I put in 19216803. Whats the 2nd number?"

Me: "No, lets start over. The first number is 192, second is 168, third is 0, and fourth is 3"

Her: "Ok, so 192.168.03?"

Me: "No, the third number is just 0, the fourth is 3"

Her: "So,"

Me: "no,"

Her: "But what about the 0?"

Me: "What about it?"

Her: "Shouldn't it be a number?"

Me: "0 is a number"

Her: "Look this it to complex for me, cant we just use the cable it came with?"


Me: ".....yes"

Edit: I should say, this is the shortened version. IRL this conversation went on for 30 min and this ticket lasted 2 days.

Edit2: I said "Zero", NOT "o" and I said both "period" and "dot"

No. I'm Spartacus. NO! I'M SPARTACUS!!

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Here's a weird one that happened the other day...

Phone rings

Me: Hello this is the IT department.

Evil Clone: Uhhh, no this is the IT department, what can I help you with?

Me: No sorry there's a mistake there, this is the IT department you've called, what seems to be the trouble today?

Evil Clone: Sorry I think there's some confusion here, you've called the help desk for (REDACTED COMPANY).

Me: You're right I am confused because I work the help desk for (SAME REDACTED COMPANY). My phone rang so I answered it.

Evil Clone: My phone ran I answered it.

Me: So now here we are...talking to each other...

Evil Clone: Are you working from the (REDACTED STATE) branch?


Evil Clone: This is weird...

Me: Yeah...soooo talk to you later then?

Evil Clone: Sure, have a good shift.

Me: You too. Bye.

Seriously...who was phone? therobotjeff

Some people just need an exorcism!

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Backstory - I do end user implementation, training, and support for a web application that was developed by my firm. Our clients skew older.

client: I can't get into my account. My login isn't working. This is ridiculous. I've been trying for hours and now I'm locked out.

me: My apologies for the inconvenience! I've just reset your password. You should receive an email with a link to set and save a new password in a moment.

c: I don't want to set a new password. I liked my old password. It's the same password I use for everything else and it's easy to remember.

me: My sincere apologies, but you will need to set a new password in order to gain access to your account.

c: Can't I just use my old password?

me: No, our data security standards do not allow that. However, if for any reason you aren't able to follow the password reset link, I would be happy to generate a random password for you, and share it with you over the phone.

c: Do that, then, and email the password to me.

me: Again, my apologies, but part of our security policy states that we cannot email passwords in plain text. I would be happy to give you a call and share you password with you over the phone.

c: Why are you being so difficult? I just want my old password to work again.

me: Sir, I'm so sorry that this process has been frustrating for you. I want you to have access to your account. Have you followed the link in the password reset email?

c: No. It looks like a virus. I don't want to click on it.

me: I can assure you that it is not a virus. It is a hyperlink. You can just click on it, and it'll open a page in your browser where you can reset your password.

c: That's ridiculous. That's so much work. Why do you make it so hard? This should be simple. I want to speak to your manager.

me: (eager to pass them off on someone else) No problem. My manager is cc'd. He would be happy to assist you.

manager: How can I help?

c: Your employee is rude, stupid, and not helpful. I just want to log in, I don't want to reset my password, I don't want to click on this virus she sent me, and this is taking forever and it is ridiculous.

manager: Sir, respectfully, we are going to need you to meet us halfway and change your password.

client: (in all caps, this is via email) THIS IS BULL. I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE MY PASSWORD. YOU ARE IDIOTS.

manager: Again, we are sorry that this is frustrating for you. Please let us know what we can do to help.

Manager cc's client's boss, the director of their org and the one whose signature is on the contract. My manager does not take shit from clients.

client's boss (to their employee with us cc'd): Are you serious? These nice people are doing everything they can to help you, and you are abusing and belittling them. This is an embarrassment to our organization. You owe them both an apology, and you need to reset your password, stop complaining, and log in so you can get me that report that was supposed to be on my desk yesterday. The fact that you've wasted your entire day on this is ridiculous and this will definitely be included in your performance review.

My manager and I were in tears. Client's boss was savage af and did not pull a single punch. The client did end up resetting his password but did not apologize. Last time I sent out an email to clients, his bounced. His ass got fired.

Print Industry

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Ok so this little gem started yesterday, currently working in managed print industry - customer logs a call saying no devices in a building are working, so definitely server/software related.

I log in with their IT, the server is freezing and when logging in with a new account there is a disk space error. So i inform him he needs to clear it down or add some HDD space and we can then troubleshoot anything if there are issues once its done.

Call the end user who logged the call, and let her know but... it makes no sense to her, depressing conversation occurs:

Me: Morning, just calling regarding your printing issues at site X, its due to a server fault your IT are looking into - they should hopefully have it resolved soon which will likely resolve your issues.

User: Oh, well the printer still isnt working, none of them are, this is URGENT.

Me: I understand, but your IT is looking into it due to a server fault and should have it sorted as soon as possible.

User: Ok, so when are you coming out to fix it?

Me: I would not be able to fix the machine on site, it is a server issue as its run out of disk space, and your IT are looking into it.

User: This is urgent the ENTIRE site cant print, whats the ETA on the fix?

Me: I am not your IT so i am unable to advise, you would have to call them as they need to resolve it.

User: I need an ETA to inform the users and management.

Me: Im not in your IT so i cant give an ETA unfortuantely.

User: Talk to my manager.

Manager: we need an ETA for the fix or send someone on site, i want this actioned ASAP.

Me: I'm not your IT, i'm from the managed print support company, the issue is with your server and your IT are looking to fix it. An engineer from us wont be able to assist.

Manager: So you are categorically stating YOUR print engineer cant fix the printer? What kind of support is this?!

Me: The issue isn't with the printer, its with the server the print software is on, which your IT are looking to fix urgently.

Manager: No, the PRINTER is not PRINTING so its a PRINTER problem, we don't have servers.

Me: You do have servers, it's what governs the pull print and login for the devices, and it's currently down, your IT are looking to fix it.

Manager: why are you refusing to fix this? You can't just say no we have a support contract!

Me: Your IT fix your servers, we fix the printers and the software thats on the server. You need to call your IT.

Manager: Im escalating this to my director - expect a call back shortly


Had several calls since then i have ignored - informed their account manager whats going on - this is now his mountain of stupid to deal with.

Tl:DR printers don't work - server has no space on C drive, IT fixing - IM NOT THE USERS IT TEAM. Ten_DU

Lesson to walk away with?

Be nice to your techies and they'll be nice to you. Or, get a therapist and some Xanax!

People Break Down The Biggest Problems Apocalyptic Films Never Properly Address

Reddit user ShinyDisc0Balls asked: 'What's a problem that's never addressed in apocalyptic movies?'

Some people say, "It's just a movie. There's no need to think so deeply about it."

However, some plotlines are just too problematic not to notice.

Despite people pointing these problems out, they are rarely ever addressed.

These problems can be as minor as a woman having perfectly manicured nails despite being trapped in a cave for an extended period of time to something as big as characters not contracting life-threatening diseases despite not having proper nutrition, shelter, or medical care for years.

Redditors have noticed this too and were ready to share what they think are the biggest problems in apocalyptic films that are never addressed.

It all started when Redditor ShinyDisc0Balls asked:

"What's a problem that's never addressed in apocalyptic movies?"

Vroom, Vroom

"If it goes on long enough, keeping cars operational. Tires going bad, gasoline going bad, even fuel lines going bad if a car's been sitting for a few years. Mice chewing on the wires. Sometimes they'll show the effort to obtain gas (but never address it going bad over time) and sometimes they'll show a battery being jumped, but mostly it's hop in a car you just found and drive off."

– froglover215

"Station Eleven (the novel, haven’t seen the show) was very fixated on the idea that gasoline goes bad after about three years. After that, it’s all horses all the time."

– Yellwsub

Medical Issues

"No one has dysentery. Everyone would have dysentery."

– YaBoyfriendKeefa

"Especially if you’re on the Oregon Trail."

– rapalosaur

""Where are we going?""



– Buckus93

"Disease. Seriously if most doctors and infrastructure are gone, people would be dying left and right, and zombies or radiation would be the least of their problems."

"Appendicitis. I didn't even think of things like that! People would die of pretty routine stuff that they couldn't get treated easily."

– Affectionate_Ad_7802

"The big killer with food poisoning is all the water you lose when your body literally flushes out whatever you ate."

– P-Tux7

Or Dental Issues

"Dental care. How many people would be straight up dying from abscesses, or in pain from f**ked teeth."

– softcore_UFO

Silence Is Golden

"Why do "traditional zombies" only make noise when they're right up in your business?"

"Zombie moving through the woods in stealth mode, no branches snapping, no leaves rustling, no moaning or growls."

"But right when they're about to get their funky zombie mitts all over your throat, they are loud as sh*t."

"What's the deal?"

– Reddit

No Escape

""Speaking of which, why don't they ever use bicycles to get around? They're quiet, comparatively low maintenance, can go over most ground, and definitely faster than any zombie."


"Realism" (within the context of zombies) has always been my go-to for why slow zombies are scary enough on their own and fast zombies are a lazy shortcut."

"Yeah, they're slow and loud and clumsy. A brisk walk is enough to get you away from any zombie, or group of zombies. In a fight, they're predictable and slow. But they're immune to pain, and immune to fatigue, immune to fear or bribery or demotivation. And their main physical vulnerability - "destroy the brain" - is way more difficult than TV and movies portray: headshots are tough to pull off with guns, and skulls are actually pretty durable. Get into a physical altercation with one, and that's actually serious trouble - you'll get tired real fast but the zombie will not, and one f**kup will be enough to get you bitten."

"Briskly walk away? Sure, you can probably sustain that for a while. But where are you going? Zombies are everywhere, so you might be briskly walking from one meat grinder to another. And of course there are potential dangers on your chosen path. And still, you'll need to eat food and drink water and sleep and the zombies will not."

"In reference to the old fable of the tortoise and the hare -- the tortoise won the race. And slow zombies are the tortoise."

– effseadot

Perfect Looks

"Body hair for women."

"I mean, you will see this woman in rags, covered in dirt, with the stringiest hair that looks like it hasn't been washed, much less conditioned in a year. Yet, they have perfect brows and look like they've had a full-body wax within the past week. So, they must be doing this somehow."

– zazzlekdazzle

"Also, they'll still have perfectly straight, white teeth."

– Buckus93

Cold, Cold World

"Camp setting in general. You know what is bad for your health? Cold ground. You want to have a failure in your every organ below the ribcage? Couple of months of outdoor sleep would definitely do it. Sleeping bags are great, but they are designed to keep you from losing heat into the air, not into the ground — think of them like of portable blankets. You don't see apocalyptic survivors making an insulated bed or sleeping in a hammock."

– Alex_Downarowicz

"Can You Hear Me? Over."

"Charging their walkie talkie batteries."

"Zombie apocalypse and they always have freshly charged radio batteries that last... forever."

"Just once I wanna see someone sit down and stick their radio in a charging cradle."

– dirtymoney

"Or furiously turning the crank on one of those crank-operated radios or flashlights."

– MedusaStone


"Don't forget tampons!"

– Nightmare_Fuel-

"Ellie in the Last of Us was soo pumped when she found a box in one episode, also Joel was excited to have a fresh pot of coffee as well."

– Will0w536

The Grass Isn't Growing


"Not all of them, but TWD for example, all of the lawns were tended to as if there WASN'T you know, a zombie apocalypse happening."

– Plus-Statistician80

Unrealistic Travel

"People in movies often travel a lot of distance with next to no food or water on them. If you are on foot you would need a descent amount of calories to sustain your energy. And a good pair of shoes. Your feet would be a mess in no time. And you would stink to high heaven."

– KevinDean4599

"And that would attract zombies….the scent."

– RedditRee06


"Caffeine and nicotine withdrawal. After a week, there are going to be a bunch of very grumpy people around."

"Cigarettes and coffee are going to be valuable exchange items."

– rosanymphae

As if a zombie apocalypse isn't scary enough without thinking about the loss of coffee!

Woman covering eyes with braid
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Dating is no picnic. It’s hard navigating around unrealistic expectations, conflicting personalities, and mixed signals. But not being on the same page—or even the same book—as a potential partner is a huge red flag, especially if they start behaving too intensely or inappropriately. Have a similar experience? Then get ready as these Redditors share the creepy ways some women took their affections waaay too far.

1. Long Time, Definitely No See

I was taking a language course, and there was this girl I was friends with. I never made a move or flirted with her. I introduced her to my girlfriend and made it very clear I was not interested. Regardless, she fell head over heels for me and started calling me every day: one to two times at first, but then up to 20 times a day.

I again told her I was not interested and that I was unavailable. She then started leaving love notes on my car, on my door, on my motorcycle, and at my work. I changed my number, but she got my new number through my work, and I started cussing at her on the phone to leave me alone. She just giggled and asked why I was playing hard to get.

After she appeared at my sliding glass back doors at 3 AM for the third time, I finally called law enforcement on her. I never told her where I lived—it was totally freaky. Twenty years later, she sent me a message on Facebook and mentioned that she was single and tried to friend me. I blocked her immediately.


2. Like A Woman Possessed

This happened back in college when my friends and I were still into the club and live band scene. We went to one bar and had a couple of rounds of drinks, not enough to get us wasted, but we were definitely having a good time that evening…until two girls introduced themselves to us. One of them looked okay, but the other had an RBF that was pretty to look at.

My friends and I were like, alright, cool. These two girls are making the first move. Great, let’s see where this goes. The second girl sat beside me, and she was weird to me from the get-go. She would place a drink in front of me and say, “Chug that.” I ignored it every time, and she didn’t seem to mind, but different things like that went on during the night.

Almost like she was giving me orders, she would say, “Dance with me,” or “Take a shot,” while her friend conversed away with my other friends. Then out of nowhere, this weird girl...she abruptly transformed as if she’d suddenly gotten possessed. She gave us all this angry, spiteful look. With her eyes full of hate, she reached out and hastily scratched one of my friends at the neck.

I sobered up instantly. To make things short, we noped the heck out of that place really quickly. On the drive home, my friends and I were just stunned into silence.


3. Office Drama

woman leaning on black handrailPhoto by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

I started a new job, and I shared a small office with a couple of other people, including a woman my age. She was kinda cute, but she was also weird and super naïve (she grew up in a very rural area). She’d flirt with me a lot, but I wasn’t interested. So, she started sending me emails. They were super long and detailed her whole day. She sent them to me every day.

I never responded. Then one day, she sent me this long email confessing her love. I replied with the (very obvious) reasons why it wouldn’t work and asked her to stop sending me emails every day. She didn’t—they kept coming. This went on for months. I asked her in person and online to stop, but I still got these email memoirs every day.

Eventually, I had another female officemate who was her friend talk with her. Finally, the emails stopped. Not too long after, I moved very far away—like, other-side-of-the-world far away. After a few months, another officemate sent me an email asking what city I lived in. I told her, and she wrote back that she had heard the “crazy emailer” was moving to my same small city halfway around the world.

That couldn’t be a coincidence, right? I asked the officemate for more details, and it got creepier and creepier: she was moving to my same neighborhood, got a job nearby, and was looking for an “old friend,” etc. It was about a week before the old officemate finally came clean that she was messing with me.


4. The Sniff Test

When I was in grade school, a girl snuck up behind me in gym class to sniff my butt. I caught her in the act, and I just felt gross.


5. Relationship Sabotage

Someone I once considered a friend started to grow feelings for me, but when she found out I had a girlfriend and didn’t feel the same for her, she went a little crazy. She found out who my girlfriend was somehow, and then DM’d her and tried to tell my girlfriend that I was cheating on her with her. She also claimed I was a pedo because this “friend” was a couple of years younger than us.

Luckily, I was with my girlfriend when she got that DM, so I explained the situation, and then we blocked her. Then, the next day she DM’d her again from an alternate account…


6. Like Mother, Like Daughter

selective focus photo of woman blowing gum standing in front of turned-on neon signagePhoto by Daniel Monteiro on Unsplash

In my early 20s, I went to a party. The woman who was hosting the party full-on tried to reach down my pants to grab my junk. Strange? Yes. What made it more creepy was that we were right in front of her mother, who was cheering her on.


7. From Cruise Control To Damage Control

I got a text from a girl I met on a cruise. She said that she loved our time together and asked if I preferred her over my girlfriend. I had maybe spoken to her once, and it was always with other people around, so obviously, nothing had ever happened between us. My girlfriend was with me when the messages came through.

The messages were tough to explain at first because it’s really hard to prove something isn’t true without witnesses. Looking back now, I just wonder why someone would ever actively try to mess up someone else’s life for no reason.


8. I’ll Be Watching You

This happened in the 90s. A woman found my address in the phone book and sat outside my home for multiple nights, all night long, just watching my house. I live in the middle of the woods, miles outside of town. The thing is, we only had one date and agreed to leave it at that. I only found out sometime later what she had been doing.


9. That’s Some Crazy Optimism

woman holding brown tattoo machinePhoto by Thomas Despeyroux on Unsplash

My ex got my name tattooed on her foot…three years after we broke up.


10. Locks Are Key

I was dating this girl who asked me if I had changed the locks since breaking up with my ex months prior. I was like, “No, but she wasn’t a crazy person, so I never worried about it.” She then said that she wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping over at my place if I didn’t change the locks. So, I changed the locks. Shockingly, the next day, my ex sent me an angry text, reading, “So, you changed your locks, huh? Real nice, jerk.”

It turned out that even after we’d broken up, my ex had been secretly coming over to my place the whole time and doing who knows what.


11. No Three Ways About It

My girlfriend at the time and I went to her friend’s house for supper. Immediately after dinner, the friend turned on a “graphic video” of some chick getting railed while another girl kept spitting on her. She looked at us and was like, “So, you guys into stuff like this?” We deliberated for about six seconds and said, “Eh, not so much,” and left.

She was a new friend of my girlfriend, and it was the first time any of us had hung out.


12. Taking A Shot

man in white scrub suit lying on hospital bedPhoto by Mufid Majnun on Unsplash

One of my old professors was stalked and harassed by his ex-girlfriend. It escalated to the point where she got put on a restraining order. The last straw was when he got a new girlfriend, and she straight up shot him in the chest. Purely by luck, he barely survived.


13. Love Letters

This woman stalked me for five years after we broke up. She kept writing me letters at every address I lived at during that five-year period. If she didn’t have the address, she’d send them to the care of my parents. The most memorable letter was the one where she told me she was married. She wrote, “He’s a great guy, but he’s not you.”

Once not long after I’d moved to a new address, I came home and found a box of cookies she’d FedExed to me. Eventually, I moved to a new state. I knew from her return addresses that she also lived and worked there. I was worried we’d run into each other but figured that was pretty unlikely. Then the worst-case scenario happened. After less than a year, she found me through a blog I was keeping and left a message on my voicemail demanding we meet.

Up to that point, I’d been ignoring her and hoping she’d take the hint. I posted a message to her on my blog telling her to stop harassing me, or I’d call law enforcement. That night she called again, and I repeated my threat to bring in the authorities. Thankfully, I haven’t heard from her since.


14. A Long-Term Commitment

Last year I changed the privacy setting on my Facebook account to make some of my posts public. Unbelievably, my crazy ex-wife, whom I had successfully ghosted for 20 years, immediately jumped on there and tried to strike up a conversation.


15. Morbid Curiosity

smiling woman wearing white and black pinstriped collared topPhoto by Štefan Štefančík on Unsplash

I once got a friend request on Facebook in the summer of 2011. I was 17, and she was 20. She seemed kinda familiar, so I assumed we knew each other. So, I accepted and asked how we knew each other. It turned out we did not know each other. She found my profile via creeping and decided she wanted to sleep with me. So, she sent me photos and messages trying to convince me.

Now, this freaked me out—there were red flags everywhere. But, I was really more curious than anything. I agreed to meet her in a public place, and she agreed because she wanted to bang in public. I made sure to pack rubbers. We met in person, and she actually matched her photos. So, I spent a good part of a day banging her in various public places and getting to know this stranger.

She was insane. I cannot stress enough how crazy she was. But I was in too deep at this point. I was not going to be anything less than friendly while she had me in a...compromising position. Afterward, she wanted to meet again and go on a date. I ghosted her, and she got the message. But wait, there’s more. A few months later, she tried to hit me up again, and I just kept giving her lame excuses until she stopped.

Then I saw she added my friend on Facebook. I had told him about her before, but we were not on good terms at the time. They met up and actually dated. Like, my homie knew why I backed out, but he still drove right in. Things inevitably fell apart shortly after she got pregnant. That’s the story of how my accepting a friend request resulted in my buddy having a kid.


16. That’s Awful

I met this girl online and talked to her for a bit. I really did start to like her. But later, I found out that the picture she showed me of herself was actually a picture of her friend who passed from cancer.


17. Growing Concern

I hung out with some friends, and they brought someone I hadn’t met yet. We ended up hooking up. Right afterward, she asked me where the used rubber was. I told her, and she grabbed it and said she was going to throw it away. But then, she walked past the trash and went upstairs. Needless to say, I was pretty nervous about getting a call nine months from then.

I think I’m in the clear, but it still creeped me out though.


18. An Officer And A Gentleman

a blue sports car parked outside a buildingPhoto by Brad Killen on Unsplash

Many years ago, I had a ‘92 Camaro that I kept in great condition and only drove when I was on leave. One night, I was driving home from a date when I got lit up. I checked my speed, and sure enough, I was doing 85 in a 55 zone. Dang. I pulled over, and a female officer approached my car. She asked for my license, my registration, the usual. I forked everything over, and she asked me if my car was a ’92.

I told her that it was, and she started asking me all kinds of questions about it. Had I done any engine work? Did I replace the transmission or rear pumpkin? What kind of clutch did I have on it? Where did I get it from? I answered gamely enough, thinking that maybe I might get a lesser ticket if she was in a good mood.

One of my answers mentioned that I bought it at auction a few years back. She then said she used to drive a pursuit car that was a ’92 Camaro…which was eventually sold at auction a few years back. Then she told me how she lost her virginity in the back seat of that car. Well, okay then. That’s when things started to get weird.

She claimed there was a problem with my plate and ran my VIN. Sure enough, it was the same car she used to drive. She started flirting with me—a lot. Not even just flirting, but she began telling me about herself. She was a virgin until she was 27 because she was a devout Christian, but she eventually realized that God doesn’t really care about premarital relations.

She’d tried “every drug known to man” by taking “samples” from evidence, but the only drugs she liked were coke and booze. She also liked to party. Then, after she saw my army ID, she started telling me about a marine she used to date and how they would “do it” in public. She also told me how much she loved our troops. She said she wanted to have kids: a boy and a girl. She couldn’t see herself settling down, though, unless it was with a cop or a soldier.

I started out confused, but then she climbed into the back seat and told me that she’d like to recreate some old memories. Now I really started to freak out. This was an adult woman, in her full officer get-up, sitting in my back seat, basically proposing to me and offering to consummate the union right there, on the side of a road in an upscale suburb of Miami in the middle of the night.

An image then popped into my head of me coming home after dating and breaking up with her, only to later find my next girlfriend dead alongside a murder weapon with my fingerprints on it lying next to her. I couldn’t shake it the whole time. I was scared in a way I had never been before. I made my excuses, claimed to have a girlfriend (I did not: the date hadn’t gone that well), and told her I had to get up early in the morning.

She let me off with a warning...and her phone number. I never lost a number so fast in my life. I spent the rest of my leave getting spooked by every cop car I saw, thinking it was her.


19. A Fare To Remember

I was going to head home after a night out, and as I was getting into my taxi, a girl jumped in after me. I asked what she was doing, and she said, “I’m coming home with you.” Nope. The taxi driver helped me, and she eventually got out of the car after I shot down her advances.


20. Poor Cinderelly

A girl accused me of cheating on her upon meeting my genuine girlfriend. I had never been with her or even heard a word from her about her liking me. She just assumed the role of my girlfriend without ever telling me and then got mad when she met my real-life partner. We were all about 15 or 16 years old, and I’d taken my real girlfriend out to a local drama group performance of Cinderella.

The crazy girl was in the cast, and she caught my eye from the dressing room as my partner and I entered the building. She gave me a stern look and ran off. Later that night, after the play was over, she approached us and said something insane: “Oh, so this is the girl you’re cheating on me with, huh?!” I was naturally very surprised, as was my partner.

It was like a Mexican stand-off of death stares. Naturally, I asked what the heck she was talking about. I’d never cheated, nor would I cheat on anyone, and it was the first time I’d heard of the relationship between her and me. She proceeded to try and structure her next few sentences, but they didn’t really make sense, and then she ran off again.

I felt awful for her. I had no idea she had any feelings for me, let alone any strong feelings. At the same time, however, I was furious. It was a difficult trip home with my real partner, but it got resolved, and we continued to date for another two months or so before something else much more usual separated us.


21. Hugs Not Drugs

person with white and gold lipstickPhoto by lilartsy on Unsplash

My early 20s were rife with interesting experiences, to say the least. In this particular story, a girl I met at a dive bar once randomly shoved a pill in my mouth while we were making out after we got back to my place. It freaked me out. I immediately spat it out and asked her, “What the heck is this?!” She just giggled, told me it was a sleeping pill, and asked if she could stay the night.

I told her, “ Please leave, what the heck.”


22. She Set His Teeth On Edge

My dentist told me this story once. While he was still studying to become a dentist, he would often work in free clinics in the poor areas around the campus for his practice requirements. A girl came in a few times to have some cavities filled, and during her last session, he told her, “Great, we’re done. All your holes are filled.”

She then made bad, sexy eyes at him. While still in the chair, she replied to him, “Not all of them.” That wasn’t so bad…except that his wife (who at the time was his serious girlfriend) was also his dental assistant. He said the combination of the location, situation, and circumstances creeped him out so much that he nearly ran out of the office.


23. Request Denied

A woman created about 50 different Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram accounts to try to get me to friend her. It’s weird because I’ll get a handful of friend requests from her every few weeks, yet I’ve never even met this woman in person.


24. Run, Don’t Walk

woman in white and red raglan t-shirt smokingPhoto by Heleno Kaizer on Unsplash

There was this one girl in university who was quite the creep. She was in a really bad breakup, and I stood by her as a friend, but she was not my type in every single way. Anyway, she was pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby. Our faculty was having a party, and she showed up wanting to drink and have fun. Everyone declined to give her any booze.

Then nearly at the end of the evening, she said to me, “You know, maybe you should tell your future stepdaughter hello. She would appreciate your junk when she is old enough.” I was so disgusted that I said I had to take a leak and fled the scene, avoiding that woman like the plague.


25. Stranger Danger

A woman somehow got my number and started texting me, asking if I was going to club X that night (which I was going to). I asked her where I knew her from, and she started lying about us having hooked up the week before during a party that I attended. At first, I was like, “What? I didn’t hook up with anybody there!” However, I started to doubt myself because I did get pretty wasted at that party.

She then began to tell all kinds of stories about how we met, which didn’t make sense at all. I decided to block her and went to a different party that night. I later found out she was actually an out-of-town friend of someone I vaguely knew who showed her my Facebook page. Immediately after seeing it, she decided to stalk me.


26. False Friend

A girl once told me, “I had a dream that you and I banged behind the dumpster, and I can’t get it out of my head. Come on, let’s go.” She then grabbed my junk as if she was going to lead me by the groin. For context, I was in high school, and this girl was “friends” with my long-time girlfriend, and everyone knew about our relationship.

My relationship with my girlfriend was closed, monogamous, unexciting, and sweet…and this fake friend pulled this!? I was angry. I didn’t turn her in because who knows what she would have said that I did to the school admins, but I told my then-girlfriend about it, and she cut her off forever. The witch ended up expelled for bringing illicit substances on a school trip.


27. Out Of This World

a woman with long black hair and black lipstickPhoto by JOHN BEARBY IMAGES on Unsplash

My friend’s ex-girlfriend was on and off dating him for years. During one of their breaks, she was pretty interested in me. I did not share the same feelings (it didn’t help that she had just shaved her head). She was very awkward, and you could see that whenever she was upset, she’d try to pull off this Wednesday Addams style I’m-going-to-stare-straight-into-your-soul-until-it-catches-fire kind of look with people.

She was also convinced she had psychic/empathic powers and could read people’s emotional states by staring into their eyes. In reality, she was probably borderline autistic and couldn’t tell when she was making someone uncomfortable if her life depended on it. She once claimed to get these “abilities” from having descended from some sort of space vampires, or space werewolves or something.

But before she gave me the full details of her “heritage,” she just said, “But I shouldn’t talk about that anymore. Just know there’s a lot more going on in this universe than we understand.” She wanted to cuddle with me once, too. I wasn’t interested, but I was an awkward nerd who was bad at turning people down. She thought I was just shy because I was bad with women, so she kind of forced it on me, and I just put up with it for a while to make her shut up.

She also smelled bad, and not just in an “I didn’t shower” kind of way. Instead, it was more like the natural smells of her body were just wrong to me.


28. Better Safe Than Sorry

I was seeing this girl, and we went out three or four times. Eventually, we got to sexy times. I brought a rubber, but she asked me not to use it because she was on birth control. A few days later, she called me crying, looking for me to console her. It turned out she was crying because she thought she couldn’t get pregnant because she was, in fact, not on birth control. Instead, she tried to time it right for her.

Young me learned an important lesson about rubbers that day, and I didn’t speak to her again.


29. Just Creeping By…

I dated a girl who was pretty damaged and had some serious emotional baggage from a prior relationship. She didn’t trust me at all because her previous boyfriend cheated on her, so naturally, that meant all men were like that. She never wanted me to go to bars with my friends because “the only reason guys go to bars is to find girls to bang.”

Anyway, we hung out one night, and I went home early (I don’t recall why). I was in-between apartments and staying at my parents’ house at the time. I woke up at 1:00 AM and went downstairs to grab a glass of water. I just happened to glance out the little window in the front door as I walked by…and what did I see?

Her maroon Oldsmobile Alero was slowly creeping by the house with its lights off before stopping at the end of the driveway. She was no doubt checking to see if my car was there and if I was actually home. Needless to say, I was fully creeped out. But I didn’t say anything to her because I didn’t want to embarrass her, I guess.

A couple of days later, I went home early again, turned out all of the lights, and waited. Sure enough, she came by again. Not too long after that, she introduced me to one of her friends, who was absolutely out-of-my-league hot. My girlfriend then found some excuse to leave me alone with her friend for a few minutes, and the friend almost instantly started asking me for my number and saying things like, “We should hang out.”

Now, I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but this was a setup, clear as day. I didn’t give her friend my number. I left and broke up with her not long afterward. It’s now been 15ish years, and I’m happily married with a beautiful daughter and a lovely house. I literally just found out last week that this creepy ex-girlfriend lives about two seconds away from me.


30. The Other Guy

woman's facePhoto by Danie Franco on Unsplash

I met a girl and fell for her pretty quickly. The chemistry was undeniable, and we were spending just about every minute together for five or so weeks. Then she dropped, “My fiancé is getting back from India in two days, so I’m going to be gone for a few days. Can we still see each other when he goes back again?” I was absolutely gutted and had no idea that she was already in a relationship.

I said no, but that didn’t stop her from rocking up at my place again the second he left. I told her I didn’t want to see her again. She started crying and tried to kiss me. I walked away with her sobbing in her car. I really liked her, and it broke my heart to see her like that; I cried a bit myself once I got inside.

I just couldn’t trust her again after what she did.


31. The Issue At Hand

This was maybe not creepy in a sense, but it freaked me out. I was in the school hallway, and school had been over for an hour, but my mother worked there, so I waited. I was getting something from my locker, and this one angry-looking girl walked up to me in the empty hallway. She then took my hand, placed it on her butt, and asked, “Does this feel fake?”

I was 13 at the time, and the whole thing freaked me out for a while.


32. Workplace Harassment

My partner at one of my first jobs was a woman who outweighed me by about 300 pounds. Our job was picking up litter and changing out trash bags at the local parks. Whenever I’d bend over to pick up trash, she’d make comments about my butt, and she’d sometimes bring up that she thought I had a cute butt when we were alone in the truck.

While I was working, she’d also wait to see if my boxers showed at any point and then make an effort to memorize what color they were that day. At one point, another woman joined us for about a week; she only outweighed me by maybe 100 pounds. She graphically described what a threesome between the three of us would look like and insinuated that we should pull over somewhere to make that happen.

I felt incredibly uncomfortable, but there was no way in the heck my foreman would ever do anything about it other than make fun of me, assuming he believed me at all.


33. Excuse Me…What?

woman with hands on neck standing near white concrete wall during daytimePhoto by Els Fattah on Unsplash

A female co-worker had a crush on me and “accidentally” ran into me (literally) at the public mall while I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend. She then proceeded to ask me if I was going to "take" her. Specifically, she said, “So, are you going to hold me down and take me now?” She said this completely without context and with no carnal talk having ever occurred between us that might have justified it or made it a potentially unfunny joke.

It was just out of nowhere. She said this out loud in front of my friend, in the middle of the mall, in public, during the middle of the day.


34. She Showed Her True Colors

When online chat rooms were popular, I met a girl a while back who’d just gotten out of a bad relationship. We started chatting, and from the get-go, I told her I only wanted to be friends. We shared similar interests and enjoyed each other’s company, and through talking, we found out we actually didn’t live too far from each other.

We’d meet up from time to time to play video games and hang out. After about two weeks of being friends, she admitted that she had feelings for me. I said, “That’s sweet, but I only see you as a friend, and I’d like to keep it that way.” From that point on, she would make intimate advances toward me, but I kept refusing.

She progressively kept going into more detail about all the “nasty things” she’d do to me, most of which made me feel super uncomfortable. After a month, I couldn’t handle all the inappropriate behavior anymore and decided that we couldn’t be friends any longer. But when I told her our friendship was over, she threatened me.

She claimed that officers would believe anything she’d say, especially over my word, and she referred to me by an ethnic slur. It’s hard to describe what I felt that day, but I’d have to say that it was mostly fear. I blocked her from everything and blocked her phone number. Luckily that was the last I heard of her.


35. No Means No

There was this female co-worker who I was always cordial with, and I got exposed to her life way more than any co-worker should be: I knew about her family drama, her relationship drama, and everything in between. One day, a few of us went to a bar after work. Eventually, everyone left except for the two of us. It was around 10 PM.

We hadn’t been drinking that much; in two hours, our group of four shared three pitchers of a bad domestic brew. But she forcefully sat next to me the whole time and kept touching my knee at multiple points throughout the night. Anyway, I offered to call her an Uber since I felt like walking home, and she asked if I would come with her.

I asked if she felt like she needed me to come with her because Ubers felt unsafe to take alone. She said no, and that she just wanted some company. I replied that I was not comfortable doing that and that I really just wanted to go home to relax before work the next morning, to which she looked visibly upset upon hearing.

Granted, I felt bad, so I said to her, “You can come with me if you don’t want to be alone, but I’m doing my own thing. I have a dog to feed, and I like to decompress before going to bed.” That was a huge mistake. She agreed and walked with me. A little more than halfway there, she wanted to sit on a bench at a park by my house because she was tired.

I agreed and sat with her for a bit. Immediately, she rested her head on my shoulder. I asked if she had too much to drink, and she said no. Then she placed her hand back on my knee and slowly moved it up towards my zipper and button. I asked her to stop and said I’d prefer just to remain friends/co-workers. She said something along the lines of, “C’mon, everyone wants this.”

I literally had to hold her arm away four or five times while telling her to stop, which she just brushed off as me being silly or “hard to get.” I don’t know how much more seriously I could have told her to stop. She got annoyed and asked me if I was gay or if I didn’t find her attractive, and I tried to explain that this just wasn’t something I wanted.

I was going through a bad breakup, among plenty of other things at the time, and I just wanted to keep my head down and focus on work. But she still kept pushing. Not knowing how to deal with the situation, or with the anxiety of all the ways that this could go badly for me, or even with just a lack of better judgment, I stopped pushing her hand away.

I figured the sooner I let her do this, the sooner it would be over with, so I proceeded to receive the most stressful blowjob I have ever gotten. I didn’t even get hard, and I was anxiously looking around at all the people walking by. I guess after about 15 minutes or so, her jaw must have gotten tired because she looked at me and said, “Okay, I’m done. Can you call me that Uber?”

I did. I had the most stressful and awkward five months at that job until I had to quit and never see her again.


36. She Needed To Get Out Of His Hair

group of people near bonfire near trees during nighttimePhoto by Tegan Mierle on Unsplash

I was at a summer camp for blind and visually impaired people, and we were traveling somewhere. We were on a bus, and my friend and I were talking. All of a sudden, he said, “Oh yeah, by the way, there’s this girl that told me she likes you and that she’s going to sneak into your room and watch you sleep. She wanted you to know that, or else she threatened to kill me.”

I didn’t believe it at first, but then I noticed that I lost some hair the next morning. I was like, Okay. What. The. Actual. Heck? It happened every night for the rest of the time I was at camp. Even worse, the following year, it happened again. So, I started to make sure to lock my window. The night I started doing that, I heard repeated knocking, and even more aggressively, I could hear someone whispering, “I know you’re in there (insert my name here). Open the dang window!”

I noped the heck out right there and started sleeping with my cane ever since (I’m not completely blind, but I still have one). I haven’t been there since 2018, but I’m going back this year. Hopefully, that doesn’t happen again. That scarred me.


37. She Got The Boot Instead

My ex of less than a week climbed through my first-floor apartment bedroom window. It was 2:30 AM, and she was wasted. While climbing, one of her shoes fell off, and upon seeing it, she thought it was another girl’s shoe. She then began beating me with her shoe while yelling, “Who’s shoe is this?” I woke up and had to bear hug her before carrying her out the front door and placing her on the porch.


38. Waiting For A Grace Period

My ex faked being pregnant to stop me from breaking up with her. In every relationship that I’ve ended since then, I’ve waited until my girl’s period arrived before breaking up. Having a crazy partner bargain with the life of your unborn child will mess you up.


39. All She Saw Was A Piece Of Meat

brown and white meat dishPhoto by Wright Brand Bacon on Unsplash

I was at a costume party dressed as a piece of bacon. This wasted girl casually walked up to me, bit my nipple through my costume, and then continued to whisper in my ear, “What a juicy piece of meat.” I probably stood there for a solid minute as I tried to figure out what just happened before I got the heck out of there.


40. Crazy In Love

When I was single, I played the field, so to speak. This was in the heady days of the internet before smartphones and all that jazz. I met a lot of crazies. Like, a LOT of crazies. The weirdest one was probably the girl I met online on a Wednesday who quickly progressed to lurking outside my bedroom window by Sunday night. We had met in person on Friday and bumped nasties, as was the style at the time.

The following day I went to a BBQ with her and all her family, and she introduced me as her new long-term boyfriend. Her mum asked me about kids and stuff. It was all a bit wild—but this was just the beginning. On Sunday, I hung out with my mates and went to the movies. I turned my phone off for the movie, and by the time I turned it back on, I had 14 voice messages asking/pleading/yelling at me.

She’d convinced herself I was cheating and wanted to know where I was. Bear in mind: I had only just met her in person two days beforehand. I just went, “Witches be crazy, yo,” to my mates and thought nothing more of it. Then at 2 AM, I got a text that read, “We need to talk. I know you’re in there. I’m watching you right now.” She was outside my bedroom window.

I noped-noped-noped-freaking-noped, and she nearly tore the door down to get in. When I didn’t let her inside, she wrote a four-page manifesto and left it on my door for me to read. It was an insight into the mind of a crazy woman. Holy heck. She sort of bothered me a bit for the next couple of months but then found some new guy. I stalk her every now and then on Facebook, and she seems moderately sane. Maybe.

She’s one of those Live, Laugh, Love ladies. I kinda wonder what it would have been like if we’d stayed together and gone on a third date. I reckon she would have shanked me for looking at another woman.


41. Sleep Tight

A woman once climbed up the fire escape next door and crawled through my first-floor bedroom window. That in itself wasn’t too creepy: she didn’t jump in my bed or anything. What was creepy was when I woke up to her standing in the middle of my room, watching me sleep. She actually turned her head to the side with a creepy smile and said, “Hello, sleepyhead.”

That was freaky as heck. I put chains on my windows after she left that day. I told her it was to stop the cat from getting out my window.


42. Hitting The Brakes

black bar stool near glass windowPhoto by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash

I went on a first date for brunch at a small café by the beach with a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend. I took an Uber there in case we had drinks. The date went smoothly. As we were leaving, she saw me request another Uber and offered to give me a ride back to my place instead. I thought, cool. We hadn’t been drinking, it would save me a few bucks, and maybe it could also lead to sexy times.

Then, halfway back to my place on a long road in the middle of nowhere, she dropped, “So, are we going to do this thing or what?” Score, I thought. I asked her, “What do you mean by ‘this thing?’” She answered, “Start a serious relationship.” I told her, “Uh, this was our first date, and...” Before I could finish my sentence, she pulled the handbrake on the car and told me to get out.

Apparently, she didn’t have enough time to mess around with guys who weren’t serious. We had just met! If she’d been a bit more patient and gone on a few more dates with me, we might have actually become an item.


43. Plot Twist: The Pub Was On Elm Street

I was chilling and chugging some beers with friends at my local pub in Germany. There were six people in our group that evening. Four of them went to play table soccer, but it wasn’t far away from our table—it was two or three meters away max. So I was left behind at that point with a girl I didn’t know. We were alone at the table, but my friends weren’t far away, so I didn’t mind.

Suddenly, this girl moved really close to me and was like, “Hey, wanna see my knives?” I—being a bit wasted and feeling a little bit randy at the time—thought she was good-looking, so I said, “Sure.” I couldn’t really understand her because the music was loud. So, she pulled out 10ish knives, and I was just like, “Why the heck do you have them with you!?”

She explained in a creepy tone and expression that she loved the feeling of knives on her and how she always fantasized about cutting herself. That was the point where I went, yeah, nope, screw that.I instantly excused myself. When I came back to the table, she was gone. Out of curiosity, I asked my friends where she went, and they told me she left.

One of my friends then asked who that girl even was, but nobody knew. Everyone just thought one of us knew her. Obviously, I told them the story right away. They all believed me because I’m an honest person when it comes to such things, and they all made fun of me as though I’d just survived Freddy Krueger.


44. Crazy In Love

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m sort of a magnet for crazy girls. The craziest thing a girl said to me was, “I wish I could lock you in a cage and throw away the key, so no one else can come near you, just me.” It sounds fake and insane, but it’s incredibly true, unfortunately. I was with her for about a year and a half. She didn’t lock me away, but anytime she found out I’d spoken to another girl—even if it were a co-worker—she would flip the heck out.

She even forgot about the day we first met and proceeded to go mental on me, saying that I must have been talking about some other girl. She then blocked me on everything until she remembered again. I’d say it took her about an hour.


45. Two Words: Restraining Order

woman taking photo while showing smilePhoto by Gabriel Silvério on Unsplash

I had a stalker once, and she was creepy as heck. She was a friend of a friend. I met her at a party, and she seemed nice enough. A couple of days later, I got a friend request from her on Facebook, and it just started getting weird. She wrote to me constantly and began to post things like, “I’m thinking about you all the time,” on my wall even after I’d asked her to stop writing to me.

I had a girlfriend at the time, but this woman would tag me in her half-dressed selfies. I changed all my online accounts because she would stalk me on all the forums I was on. Then she somehow got my address and phone number, and she’d text me the second I got home and ask me what I was doing. Of course, I didn’t answer her, so she would start texting things like, “I know you’re home. Can I come in?”

She also posted pics of herself outside my building, and she would throw her panties through my mailslot. It was all freaky—but then it took an even darker turn. She cut my name in her arm and posted it on Facebook. In the end, my girlfriend left me because she was scared of her; the stalker sent me pictures of my girlfriend talking with male co-workers and friends, going out with her friends, or just shopping in general.

The final straw for my girlfriend occurred when the stalker sent me pictures she’d taken through the windows of my girlfriend’s home while she was home. So, I would definitely call this woman creepy…


46. Time For Beddy-Bye

When I was in college, a friend of mine had this one girl who would not leave him alone despite making it crystal clear that he was in a long-term relationship. He returned to his room on three different occasions to find her in his bed waiting for him. He reported it each time, and she’d get “talked to” by either the RA’s or the dean of students, but nothing more would come of it.

She suddenly stopped bothering him, and a week or so later, one of his suitemates found her in HIS bed waiting for him. After that incident, she left school. We think the school contacted her parents, but we don’t know for sure.


47. She Must Have Kept One Heck Of A To-Do List

Six months after our breakup, my ex called me out of the blue because she wanted to see me. It seemed strange to me, but I accepted. I'd soon regret that decision. When we met, she seemed friendly and first. Then, at a certain point, she pulled out a sheet listing all the men she’d banged after our relationship—and she read it all to me. The list came complete with an accurate description of her every carnal encounter.

Well, it was an awkward moment.


48. That Escalated Quickly

topless man standing near green plantPhoto by James Barr on Unsplash

Back when I was 16 and still in school, a female classmate became really obsessed with me. She would send me tons of weird messages, she always tried to pair with me in science class, and she’d openly stare at me a lot of the time. I was usually just polite in return and never went out of my way to interact with her. She ended up getting really creepy and got me in a lot of trouble.

At one point, her messages became genuinely worrying, and I did not know what to do. I remember that the night it got really bad. That night, she sent me a disturbing picture. It was my name carved into her arm. I had no idea what to do. In hindsight, I should’ve told someone straight away. So, the next day I prepared to tell one of the teachers—or just anyone—to possibly get her help.

But before I could, she told people that I told her to carve my name in her arm. It was a pretty awful time for me. I got attacked at school that same day, officers came to my house, my phone got taken away, and everybody treated me like a felon. Apart from my two main friends at school, everyone seemed to think I was in the wrong.

The next day at school, I got called into the head’s office and told I was being expelled. They called my parents, who very angrily took me home. They didn’t want to listen to my explanation or side of the story. Thank God that on that same night, the officers came back, returned my phone, and told me they’d established that I had nothing to do with her carving my name into her arm.

They apologized to me and seemed pretty genuinely sorry. It’s all explained to my dad that I was not in the wrong. The officers spoke to the head of the school, who agreed I’d be allowed to return the next day. He told me that the girl would not be there when I go back.


49. The Present Danger

Back when I was 19 or 20 years old, I had a part-time counter job at a local shop. After work, I would go out to my car, and I started finding notes tucked under my windshield wiper. They were casual “you’re so cute, I want to get to know you” type notes. There was no name or anything, so I just kind of shrugged it off and went about my business.

Then the notes started becoming more frequent and eventually turned into full-out love letters. The writer talked about being lonely and wanting to be my girlfriend, but she was too shy to talk to me. At that point, I started to get concerned, so I asked the people I worked with if they knew anything. None of them knew a thing about it but thought it was hilarious. What happened next wasn't hilarious.

Then what really put me over the top was when I went out to my car one night and found nothing on my windshield. So, I got in my car and noticed a wrapped present with an envelope taped to it. It was inside my car. I opened the gift, and it was a very expensive bottle of booze that I threw out. The letter was super graphic and vulgar and clearly from a woman.

I still had no idea who was doing this, but it kept going on with a different gift for the next few nights: a bag of weed, a CD from my favorite band, and a restaurant gift card. I was super freaked out at this point, so I talked to my bosses to see if there was anything they could do. They basically shut me down and wished me good luck with the issue.

That night I triple-checked to make sure I locked my car door, and sure enough, after my shift, I found another bottle of booze and a letter. I called my boss the next day and quit. I never went back, and I never found out who it was.


50. No Regrets

A girl who was a good friend of mine in high school once shot me down and wanted to stay friends. She then started dating my buddy. I thought, cool, no problem, because she would set me up with her friends, and I had a lot of fun. I didn’t ever find a girlfriend in high school, but I still had a blast, if you know what I mean. We graduated, went our separate ways, and grew apart while in college.

I got a girlfriend, and I ended up marrying her after college. But not long after I married my wife, my old friend started calling me. At this point, she had been married for several years to someone I didn’t know. We started talking like we were friends again. She told me she was pregnant, to which I responded with, “Congratulations! Excellent! Good for you guys!” Strangely, she told me before she told her husband.

She later found out she was having twins, and a few days after, she told me she had crazy regrets. I asked, “Oh yeah, what’s that?” She answered that she regretted that we never got together. I said, “That was because you turned me down and dated my buddy. We were friends.” She then responded that just this once, we should hook up now. I immediately turned her down, but she was adamant that we could.

She reasoned that because she was already pregnant, we had no worries there. But I declined her offer again. That’s when she said something truly messed up. She said she wished her twins were mine and hers and that she’d been in love with me since the very beginning. She also told me that she always thought we would end up together until I started dating someone seriously. Flabbergasted, I replied, “Sorry, we need to stop talking.”

I think she was having marriage problems and wanted out. She knew I once liked her years earlier, so instead of just ending her marriage like an adult, she was looking for another excuse to blow it up. She also knew I’d graduated college and landed a job in my field; she tried to blow up her marriage with a blue-collar guy. I quickly noped out and told her we couldn’t be friends and that she should really fix her marriage.

I lost her number and never looked back. I lived a long way away, so she couldn’t just show up. I did tell my wife immediately after the conversation happened. She thought it was funny. She even kept this old friend on Facebook.


A man laying on a bed watches as a woman enters the bedroom
Photo by We-Vibe Toys

There is a reason that Madonna's "Like A Virgin," a sexual anthem of innocence lost has resonated with the world from the instant she fell to her knees on that 1984 VMA stage to this very moment.

Everyone remembers their first time.

And their first person.

Maybe they were and still are your first love.

Maybe the sight of them can make you ill.

No matter the reaction, we remember.

That person played a major character at a turning point in life.

That's hard to forgrt.

Keep reading...Show less

No matter how we might feel about living luxuriously or practicing smart money management, we all have something we like to splurge on from time to time.

And while some of us really enjoy splurging on food, we also can agree on the things we don't feel are worth splurging on.

Redditor LocalInactivist asked:

"What's a luxury food you just don't get?"

Gold Leaf... Anything

"Gold flakes/powder on whatever food of the day is au current."

- ConstantReader70

"You're paying a lot of money to crap gold."

- draggar

Violent Soup

"Shark fin soup. It's a nice broth, but the atrocities committed are hardly worth it."

- human_male_123

Questionable Mincing Choices

"Wagyu burgers / snags / mince products. Marbling doesn’t matter anymore if you’re mincing it."

- Ok-Astronaut-7593

What the Fugu

"To some extent, Fugu."

"It's a poisonous blowfish that only qualified trained chefs in Japan are allowed to prepare. I had it three times I think, and I understand the folklore around it and why it's expensive, etc."

"But to be honest, the taste is pretty bland and 'like any other white fish' and nothing special, really. Your lips get numb a tiny bit and it makes for good stories, though, so no regrets..."

- LannMarek

Diminishing Returns

"Not food, but drinks; I don't get people who spend 1500 to 2000 dollars or more on a bottle of wine. Does it even taste that good?? It seems more like something people do to show off to others than anything else."

- Creative_Recover

"A 1500-hundred bottle of wine is going to taste better than a 15-dollar bottle. But not a HUNDRED TIMES better."

- VibrantPianoNetwork

That's an Escar-No

"Escargot. My brother swears by it. I don’t get the allure."

- MeAndJohnWhoo

"Escargot: because just eating garlic butter with a spoon would be uncivilized."

- ahecht

"Nutritional Value"

"Bird's Nest Soup."

"My rich aunt came to visit our family when I was pretty young, and I finally got to try bird's nest soup. It was something like 1500 dollars for a family-size serving and it tasted like nothing."

"I get it's supposed to have all kinds of nutrients and s**t, but guess what, so does a ton of other foods. I think that's probably a big part of why I argue with my mom so often about how pointless a ton of 'medicine' is"

- completelytrustworth

A Side of Hypocrisy

"It's not that I don't get it: they're delicious, but it is funny to me that most people are repulsed by the thought of eating bugs but think lobster and crab are a delicacy."

- seanofkelley

Tragic Ortolan

"Ortolan. You traditionally cover your head when you eat it, out of shame. Not that I have ever eaten it. It just seems such a 'f**k you' to nature."

- promise_me_jetpacks

A Fair Point

"Eating things where it will kill you if it's not prepared properly (like Fugu being poisonous)."

- curlyquinn02

Not Here for the Caviar

"Caviar. I had the opportunity once to sample what I was told was really good caviar. It tasted like Neptune's salty a**hole."

"If I had the money to buy high-end caviar, I would buy fifty bags of Doritos instead."

- Wadsworth_McStumpy

A Shortened Lifespan

"Veal's kinda mean considering how intelligent and full of life calves are."

- freeslurpee

"Vaguely Fruity Vinegar"

"I know this will make me look like an unsophisticated yokel, but Wine."

"I just don't get the appeal of vaguely fruity vinegar."

- atlanticzeolot

Expensive Treasure Hunt

"Truffles. I don’t get the hype."

- Candid_Term6960

"They're good in some things, a bit of truffle oil and some extra herbs in a cheap pasta sauce can make it really tasty, but overall it's just a weird mushroom, and not great by themselves."

- venemousb***h

Not So Great Morning

"That coffee that comes from beans some cat species digests and craps it out. How is that a good morning feeling?"

- Rainbow-Mama

Everyone's welcome to like different things, but these Redditors certainly made some great points about why these are foods and drinks they will not spend money on.