Teachers have a TOUGH job.
They mold the minds of the future, and literally provide childcare for 8 hours a day for countless kids all over the place. The profession demands our utmost respect and gratitude.
Fortunately, there are some perks for those who choose the role of educator.
And one of the best bonuses has to be having a front row seat to the truly bizarre things that kids say and do. The not-yet-formed humans of society are a trove of illogical conclusions and confident absurdities.
Lucky for us, some teachers on Reddit filled us in on what's been going on in that classroom.
For some reason, food comes into play quite a lot.
Several responses in the thread centered around the weird behavior that kids exhibit whenever food and eating comes into play.
First Things First
"I had a student who was new to the class and didn't speak English. In his first few days in the class, I looked around and didn't see him. I had a moment of panic but then happened to look down."
"He was sitting under his desk eating an entire ear of corn. He just looked at me and gave me the biggest smile, I had to let the man finish his meal."
Just Going For It
"I have a 'you can eat in my class as long as the food isn't loud. At any time if your food disturbs me or your peers your privilege is gone' policy"
"Most of the time, zero issues. Everyone agrees no chips or anything crunchy is allowed, no cans of soda etc. Most kids have a sandwich or a banana. At worst, a loud apple."
"One kid, well, he didn't break the rule, but it totally f*cked me up. I'm lecturing about whatever, and right there in the front row, this kid is eating an Orange like an apple, peel and all."
"No noise, but I couldn't get over the fact that he was chewing up the orange peel like it was the best part of the orange. I had to stop lecture and literally address him. Like, you eat the peel dude? What the fu-heck?"
"I didn't want to embarrass him or anything, but I could not really let go of it. It was bizarre. Later I learned some cultures are pro peel eating. Weird"
"Not a teacher. It was in 4th grade."
"Somebody came in with a snack and a bottle of hot sauce, and when finished with the snack downed bottle."
Other people focused not on what kids did, but what they said.
Again, children tend to make some strange--and hasty--logical leaps based on very minimal knowledge of the world. This can make for some truly fantastic acts of free association in the classroom.
That's a Fact
"6th grader, who the week prior told me he was getting moved to honors science, stuck a paperclip in a light socket that caused a very short-lived fireball."
"Another time an 8th grader asked, 'when you die, how long before you become a ghost?' Before I could answer, his friend (with the utmost confidence) said, 'yeah, after 10 years.' "
"I couldn't get him to divulge his source for such information"
"Wasn't my class, but had a friend whose entire class stood up and simultaneously said 'butt lickers,' and then they all sat down." -- Douglas_Funny1989
"The hivemind has influenced them" -- The_darter
Where Did That Come From?
"Why must I only pick one? Okay I love this story. I had the kids sitting on the rug completely silent while I was writing the morning message (I teach young elementary).
"Out of nowhere one of my students yells 'ride that bi***.' "
"I was crying, trying so hard not to laugh. I called his mom later and had to repeat what he had said without laughing."
"She said 'where did he learn that?!?! I'm married to a woman". Why are you asking me? I have no idea.' "
"I have like 50 more stories, but that one always makes me smile."
And finally, some interpreted the prompt in the broadest sense. They simply shared the weirdest antics and behaviors to ever grace the four walls of their class.
"A first grade girl was making a tiara during free draw time (I teach art)."
"She apparently couldn't figure out how to attach a strip of paper long enough on the front of the tiara she drew and cut out, so she ended up gluing it to her forehead."
"She was super proud when she showed me."
All Planned Out
"Middle school teacher here. Had a girl come into homeroom, open her backpack, take out a fully inflated balloon (which has taken up a Lion share of the space in her backpack; I don't remember if she had actual supplies with her that day) and began hitting her friend over the head with it."
"I couldn't stop laughing."
At Long Last
"My first year teaching high school, there was this kid who always asked me 'Sir can I throw my chair at the wall?' And I can tell he was serious. The answer was always no."
"Christmas holidays roll around. Him and his friend were the only ones to show up to class. We're last period before end of the day. Bell goes off, 2 weeks vacation."
"He asks again, 'Sir, can I throw my chair at the wall?' "
"... 'ok, you get one throw. Merry Christmas.' (I specified he throw it at a particular brick wall, so nothing was damaged)"
"He put everything he had into it."
More Alarming Than the Rest
"A kid in my class handed me some scraps of paper and asked if I would throw them away. I looked in my hand and saw what appeared to be ripped up money."
" 'Yeah, but it's fake. A kid on the bus was handing them out. He gave me these too,' the young man said as he handed me two very real hundred dollar bills."
"It turns out a kid broke into his parents' safe and stole $1300 of his own family's money so he could hand it out on the bus. This was money that his family was planning to spend on Christmas gifts. This was not at all a wealthy family. Fortunately, it was all recovered."
And so, if you find yourself debating if teaching might be the right career for you, be sure to ask yourself: "Do I enjoy fielding bizarre questions and hanging out with miniatures versions of The Three Stooges all day?"
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