Teachers are usually nurturing and try their best to help their students succeed. Sometimes that takes the form of joking around with students, and sometimes its just too hard to resist that sick burn when the opportunity presents itself.
Reddit user u/OskarGR8 asked:
"Teachers of Reddit, what is the best roast you ever told a student?"
20.
My dad was an English teacher on the west side of Chicago in the 80s. They were reading Moby Dick and some kid in the back of the classroom yelled "MY d*ck" and my dad responded with, "were talking about long novels not short stories"
19.
While learning about Catherine the Great, one kid in class said "oh she's the one that loooved horses" and the teacher nonchalantly replied, "Yes, she greatly enjoyed the occasional ride."
18.
I was substitute teaching last spring in a high school math class. Pretty easy gig, the students were just doing worksheets while I wrote bathroom passes and monitored behavior. One kid is trying to push my buttons by singing Mo Bamba by Sheck Wes. When he got to the line "I got hoes", I interjected "no you don't". It effectively got him to stop singing. Nothing less cool than being roasted by the sub.
17.
First day of class. Walked in to see a giant cock and balls drawn on the whiteboard. Uh - OK, this isn't entirely unexpected from a bunch of 14/15 year old boys from very religious families.
Start to wipe it off. It's been done in permanent marker. Hearing lots of snickering from a particular corner.
Small voice whispers to me 'if you go over it with drywipe, it'll come off, Miss'. Considered the implications of the Head walking in as I'm painstakingly going over the outline.
Slowly, I turn my head towards the source of the snickering.
Three boys are then instructed to do it for me. 'you need to pay more attention to the base of the shaft', 'Michael, you've missed the tip of the glans'. Once it had been done and the entire thing had been erased, I ended the ten minutes of agony for them by announcing 'Right, just before we start the work you will now be continuing into your lunchbreak, I just want to say one thing. If that artwork is in any way, shape or form a Self Portrait, I strongly suggest that the owner gets himself to a doctor, as Peyronies will interfere with both masturbatory and, if a miracle occurs and they find themselves somebody actually willing to copulate with them, sexual satisfaction'.
16.
I was about to start a lesson when a goofball kid from another class I also teach walked to the still open door. Sounds slightly better in Finnish, but whatever.
"Hey teach! My next lesson is boring. Can I come to this one instead?"
"I'm sorry studentname, but this is a 7. grade lesson. An 8. grader like you would be at an unfair advantage."
"Awww. How come can't still be on the 7. grade?"
"I also wonder this every single day."
15.
I was teaching a contraception lesson to a group of fourteen year old boys. We had just finished practicing putting condoms, and moved into female contraception. The boys rapidly list interest and started getting rowdy, disrespecting the school nurse who was leading the lesson. I got their attention back and announced, "If any of you are ever lucky enough to get a girlfriend, it will be important that you understand how this works. Pay attention!" Quiet fell over the class and they behaved for the rest of the period
14.
One day a kid from my health class brought a fidget spinner to play with. My health teacher took one look and told him, "2017 called and wants their toy back. Put it away."
13.
Not a teacher but my friend was, and still is annoying sometimes and looks for some laughs every now and then. We sit down on a bench during lunch time and we see a teacher walk by. She calls over to the teacher, "HEY SIR, GIMME THAT BIN. WE HAVE SOME TRASH."
He looks back at us and yells,
"WHY, DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT YOU IN IT?"
12.
3rd grade.
Class trouble maker is galloping around the classroom pretending to be a horse. Teacher is continually telling him to go to his seat.
He finally starts to gallop to his chair when the teacher walks up, takes his chair, looks at him and says
"horses don't sit"
Made him stand the entire rest of the class.
I think about that moment a lot. One of my favorite grade school memories.
11.
Teacher here. I mic dropped in class last week and my students are still talking about it.
I teach psych and we are going over intelligence theories. A smart ass student who loves to push buttons asked why men are smarter than women because obviously all these theories are made by men so therefore all men are smarter. He does this all the time and the fact that I'm a woman he loves to try and say I'm not as good as the male teachers.
I looked at him and said "if men are smarter why aren't your grades higher?" The class lost it and he turned red and didn't try push it anymore.
10.
Giphy
The other day another teacher came into our class who has a bald head and he just got it waxed or something and my mate says "Fresh polish sir?" and the teacher fires back with "Anything for your mother mate." Class lost it laughing.
9.
Teacher (my mother): Please sit down, the lesson has started.
Student: You can't tell me that, I'm not a dog.
Teacher: I know you're not a dog, because a dog is able to do that simple command.
She is still proud about that one and tells it at family gatherings.
8.
I didn't intend it as a roast, but I got a long serious look and a pause when I told a student, "You're smart enough to be President, but with your manners, you're going to get fired from McDonalds instead."
7.
After announcing the upcoming quiz for the umpteenth time....
Student: Wait! What? You can't spring a test on us with one day notice!
Me: I've been announcing it daily for two weeks.
Student: I never heard it.
Me: It's ok. I only wake you up for the really important announcements.
Class roared.
6.
In 8th grade, we had a mock Constitutional Convention and we were each assigned a real person to portray. The class clown was assigned Benjamin Franklin.
When questioned on her decision, my teacher's response was "I tried to think of who would be perfect for the role and no-one came to mind. Then I thought of who would be the worst possible reincarnation of Ben Franklin... and here we are."
5.
While explaining how reproduction works, one of my students was making gnarly comments so i said "Dont worry, you wont be getting any.."
4.
Giphy
I had a kid picking on the religious girl in class, asking her all sorts of tricky theological questions just so he could catch her out or something. When he asked "Does hell exist?" I said "Yes, it does. It's here, in the classroom, with you."
3.
Student sitting with three friends: "1 in 4 people in [town the school is in] have an STD. (Pointing to friends) One... Two.. Three... Four." As he said four he pointed to himself and smiled like an idiot, as if to say he had sex.
Disregarding the nastiness of implying that he had himself an STD, I said: "[student name], you don't need to worry about it. You can't catch anything from your hand."
2.
I was joking around with a student one day, and he was making some insults about my name. In response, I asked him. "Do you know what I like about you?" "What?" he replied. I said "Nothing!" He laughed about that.
The next day, our guidance counselor pulled me aside with a worried expression. "I got a call from [student's] mother. Did you tell [student] you like nothing about him?"
It turned out that the kid told his mother about that because he thought it was funny, but she was like, "How dare a teacher say that to my child!", and she called the school to complain. Fortunately, the administration believed my report of how it had happened.
1.
My high school teacher put the sign up by the clock that said "time will pass but will you?" May not be a roast but my high school teachers were very "dry"
I haven't tried these rooms yet. Not sure I want to. Highly claustrophobic. Convince me...
No touching...
"I used to work at one. I can’t tell you how many people thought that power outlets were a prop and tried to stick keys into them. Guys. There was a lamp plugged into it and a 'do not touch, not a part of the game' sticker on it. It’s not a trick, don’t do that."
brasscassette
Shackles
"A friend of mine works for an escape room and he told me one about a puzzle where the key to the next door was shackled to a desk by a combination lock. What you are supposed to do is figure out the combination for the lock from the clues around the room to free the key. What one group decided to do instead was get a guy on each corner and pick up the 150 pound desk and carry it across the room, slide the key into the lock, and then rotate the entire desk to unlock the door."
sharrrper
'Yale'
"I am not an escape room employee but I did a lot of em and talked to the employees often. One of them told me there was a simple lock (opened by a key) that had 'Yale' written on it (the name of the lock company) and a lady (not native English speaker) thought it read 'yell' and legit shouted 'OPEN!!' at it, expecting it to open."
Dorza1
searching the fountain...
"Recently went to an escape room with my co-workers. Before we started, we were explicitly warned not to touch or drink the bright blue water coming out of a fountain because it would turn our skin blue - clearly people had tried searching the fountain as part of the escape room previously and now they have to warn everyone."
babers1987
Voice of God
Whos That Voice Of God GIF by Shark WeekGiphy"I was in an escape room once where one puzzle involved some objects that needed to be manipulated inside a structure that made it very awkward."
"We were all looking at it trying to figure out how to proceed when I said 'Well, the bottom is held on with screws and I have a screwdriver in my purse, but that would probably be cheating.' Instantly the Voice of God came over the intercom 'THAT WOULD BE CHEATING!' So we didn't do that..."
Miss_Speller
Well people really do get creative at this game... don't they?
Reverse
genius GIFGiphy"Had a group of engineers who were familiar with the style of the lock effectively reverse engineer the lock. They showed us how they did it afterwards."
Snowf1ake222
Smoked...
"When I was in one they told us several times that the fire extinguisher is NOT part of the puzzle. They said it so many times, I'm 98% sure someone once used it lol."
Zirael_Swallow
"I always wait to see if they say not to disassemble smoke detectors, if they have that warning, I ask about it, and every time they will always have a story about a dumby who ignored the warning labels and disassembled the smoke detector."
cleverplaydoh
Group of 4
"There was a story on here a while ago about a guy in a group of four who took a broom from the first room because 'it had to be for something.' He said it looked too out of place to not be needed. Well he was half right. It was out of place but that's because it was the broom used by employees to clean the room."
"It was simply forgotten when they cleaned last time. The guys giving hints thought it was hilarious that this guy carried a broom through four rooms expecting it to be the key to their escape at some point. I thought that was funny as hell."
PCCoatings
Damages...
"Take in a screwdriver and dismantling furniture or taking doors off hinges... all the while we specifically tell them not to use force and that furniture is just furniture. Though I don't care cause they gotta pay the damages. Also had some groups press our panic button cause that opens all the doors (for emergency cases)."
"So they can skip puzzles and be faster. Makes zero sense to us cause they are paying for an hour of playtime and to solve puzzles, not like the prize is reduced cause you solved less in fewer minutes. Especially since our prices aren't cheap."
karmasabitterpill
Idiots
Idiot Facepalm GIFGiphy"Breaking EVERYTHING. Trying to eat or drink things they should totally not be trying to eat or drink."
Radiant-Comb9058
Even though there are a million ways to escape, I'm still gonna pass. My claustrophobia won't allow it.
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While many cultures should be celebrated, there are some individuals who just can't help but reserve their opinions about those whose behavior and customs differ vastly from their own.
At the risk of coming off as offensive, some might even call these customs, "weird."
European culture got the spotlight when Redditor CoffeeBoy88 asked:
"What is something weird about Europe that Europeans don’t realize is weird?"
Apparently, there's never a dull moment in European nations.
"German tourists are OBSESSED with mooses."
"/A swede."
– worldkeeponspinning
No Offense
"The UK has 30 accents per square mile. And if a large man calls you duck in Stoke … that’s okay."
– InItsTeeth
Nighttime Exposure
"Norwegians don't close their curtains when it gets dark."
– judochop1
The Swarm
"The amount of mosquitos in Finland, Americans go crazy in Spring because of it."
– TheFargus
Redditors discuss what it's like traveling around Europe.
Come And Go As You Please
"How incredibly inconsequential it is to cross country borders. Cycled through France - Belgium - Netherlands and there is barely even a sign."
– sicknessandpurgatory
The Contrast
"You drive five hours in the US: you’re basically still in the same place."
"You drive five hours in Europe: everyone’s talking funny and the cheese is different."
– KaimeiJay
The Short Commute
"The first time I was in the UK my husband wanted to go to Wales and I looked at the train route from London and was like 'It’s all the way on the other side of the country! We’re only in the UK for a week. We don’t have that kind of time!' And my husband was all, 'you know it’s a 2.5 hour train ride, right?' I thought it would all day."
– KateDinNYC
Germans In Transport
"the absolute lack of air conditioning even at 40°, german transport gets sticky and stinky quite fast and nobody seems to care, many people even shut the windows to avoid the 'annoying breeze.'"
– ahorasimeaborregue
Maintaining distance was a thing long before pandemic measures recommended people to be socially distanced.
All About Respect
"Finnish people are silent, small talk doesn't exist. Their personal space larger than COVID-19 social distancing rules, and it's considered normal. Don't speak unless spoken to, and don't invade other people's personal space - it's seen as a sign of a respect."
"Those Finns, who haven't been to abroad or haven't met too many foreigners, don't often even recognize this behaviour being unusual in the global scale."
– RockNRollNBluesNJazz
The "Safety Coffee Cup"
"I'm from Finland and one European thing that all Finnish people hate is cheek kisses when greeting. Its mostly southern european thing but still. There is this saying in Finland that goes 'Everyone has their own safety coffee cup' meaning the closest distance someone should get to you should not be closer than your coffee cup when you're holding it."
– eelisonparas
Let Them Shop In Peace
"Weird at first but I appreciate and wish for it. It might be just a Germany thing but from what I’ve been told German Walmart failed because the North American style of customer service was very unliked. From the greeter at the door to clerks asking if you need help unprompted. German shoppers just want to shop and go home as undisturbed as possible."
– UnusualHospital9579
I remember being weirded out when I went to Paris and asked for some ice at a cafe.
The waiter served me coke by opening the room temperature can and poured some of the contents into an empty glass. With no ice.
When the server came back, he had with him a spoon with one ice cube on it. I thought it was stingy but it got worse.
He poured the rest of the coke over the ice on the spoon he was holding and then walked away with the ice and spoon.
I guess the coke was colder than when I had my first sip, so according to the server, it was viola: mission accomplished!
Do the French not like ice-cold beverages? Weird.
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People tend to forget that therapists–the professional we seek for guidance when we're vulnerable–are also human and are just as prone to feeling the feels.
Curious to hear from therapists who've exposed their emotional vulnerabilities in front of their clients opened up when Redditor Unkw0n_pers0n asked:
"Therapist that have cried in a session, why?"
A patient who feels seen and understood reinforces why therapists endeavor to help people in the first place.
It Wasn't Her Fault
"I was working with a deeply depressed client who had a lot of negative self talk about how she was always a failure. We were exploring the origins of this and how young she was the first time she felt self-blame. She told me her earliest story of when she was in 2nd grade."
"Afterwards, as we were processing it, I expressed that 'it wasn't your fault' about the story. She just broke down sobbing and said 'nobody has ever said that to me before' in between sobs. It hit me and I cried a little."
– Ayzmo
Relatable Experience
"i cried after i worked with a kid who described an emotionally difficult situation with a sibling. the kid’s experience aligned very similarly to something i went through with my own sibling when i was the kid’s age and i hadn’t realized how much hurt i was carrying from the experience."
"being a therapist sometimes means being confronted with things you didn’t realize had such a strong impact on you. luckily, i have a stellar therapist of my own that i can work through these moments with."
– rejecteddroid
The Patient With A Disorder
"I was doing a cognitive assessment for a girl. We were doing tests and at one point she started crying she was unable to tell me why, she was fine just one moment before. I let her collect her thoughts, then she said softly 'I don't want to be more stupid than my friends'. She wasn't actually, she was very bright, but she didn't know that she has dyslexia, dysorthograpy AND dyscalculia. I realized that she went through THIRTEEN years of school without help. Her parents didn't want to do an assessment as they thought she was just lazy. I told her that she was very brave to decide to get help and things would get better after our assessment and I felt tears in my eyes."
"Edit: first of all, I have great empathy for parents, for most of all is just a matter of ignorance, fear and parenting is hard. If you are a parent and you see your kid struggling, PLEASE listen to professionists, we are here to help, not judge, and we will find ways to help you and your kid. Disorders don't go away, don't underestimate it, the sooner you get help, the better the outcome can be. It's ok to be scared but we're here for you and we understand you."
"Second, I'm really sorry to read so many heartbreaking stories about people that weren't believed and struggled being undiagnosed. I wish you all the best, I hope you are in a better situation and you got or you'll get all the help you deserve, because you do deserve it."
"Third, if you think 'something's wrong with me', get help if you are in a position to do so. Worst case you understand yourself better and have a chance do make peace with parts of yourself."
– ---honeybadger----
A patient who has already accepted their heartbreaking fate recalls seeing their therapist getting emotionally involved during a session.
A Mother Who Didn't Want To Let Go
"My therapist cried while 'mediating' a discussion between my mom and I. I have a neurodegenerative disease and she is my full time caregiver. Because of my severe disability, she also has legal guardianship of me, even though I am in my 20’s (this is all fine with me, I need the help, and I agreed in court to all of it. This was the first true 'disagreement' that we ever had.)"
"I am ready to die. I am in pain, unable to do anything for myself, and it’s only getting worse. I asked my mom to sign a DNR, because I have been resuscitated before, it was a mess, and I don’t want it to happen again."
"She refused. She doesn’t want to lose her child and wanted to do everything medically possible to keep me alive."
"The session was essentially me begging her to let me go, while she sobbed and said she could never sign a paper that would lead to my death. It was a terrible situation. No one was 'the bad guy', no one was trying to hurt the other. It was someone wanting their suffering to end, verses a mother not wanting to lose her child."
"My therapist agreed that I should be allowed to make this choice, but certainly didn’t think my mom was manipulative or evil, just already grieving and trying to hold on to me as long as possible. I saw her wipe her eyes several times, and they were red by the time we were done. She actually hugged us both at the end."
"The situation wasn’t resolved during the session, but my mom came around shortly after. She wouldn’t sign the DNR, but gave me legal permission to do so (so, in her mind, it wasn’t her making the final decision.)"
"BTW, my mom and I have a GREAT relationship! This was just one issue that we couldn’t come to an agreement on ourselves. But it worked out, and I’m now in palliative care and have a great team looking after me, INCLUDING my mom!"
– fightwithgrace
The following examples continue to demonstrate how therapists are more emotionally invested in their patients and clients than you think.
Responding To Tragic News
"I cried in a substance treatment group. A client’s mom had reached out via email to me to say that her daughter died from an OD. She called during my group so I chose to take the call and spoke with her briefly. I thought I could continue with the group. Ended up in tears instead."
– ChicagoOwls
She Patient Who Felt Unloved
"My patient cried and said 'there's nobody on this planet who loves me anymore.' I cried when I left because I knew she was right. For context: she was 95, her husband and son had died, she had a personality disorder that made her behaviour unbearable for her environment after her husband died and every person still in her life were paid for to be around her. She died a few months after this conversation."
It is unsurprising that therapists are compassionate people.
Otherwise, they wouldn't be in the room to help someone who is struggling internally.
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