I really hope that educators keep journals. The stories that are woven for them on the daily about why students are tardy or why assignments are late have got to be epic. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and what a mind some of us have when trying to cover our tracks. If only we could apply our creative know how to completing work and not avoiding it.... especially when we're younger. Teachers have got to have a "best of" compilation for student excuses.
Redditor u/imtroppocool wanted teachers to share with us some tales about when they believed students were trying to bamboozle them, when in fact bamboozling may not have been occurring, by asking.... Teachers of reddit, what was the best excuse for being late that turned out to be true?
Hard-Core.
GiphyHad a student ask to leave class once the test was finished because his lung had collapsed a couple days earlier and he was still recovering. He then pulled up his shirt to show me the valve they had inserted.
I told him he didn't have to take the test, but he had already studied for it and wanted to get it over with.
I also had a student ask to leave after the test because her husband had died the previous day and she had to make arrangements. Insisted on taking the test.
My students are hard-core.
Just This Time.
Student at Uni. Was late for an 8am because the night before I slept in the hallway of one of our class buildings doing homework... (we had sofas and desks around there so it was a nice and quiet place to study, also open 24/7).
Woke up around 8:30 and ran to my class which was one floor above the one I was.
The professor excused me and told me I could skip his class because they saw me sleeping there and said something on the lines of "at least you were doing your assignments so I'll let you go this time."
Squirrel Fashion.
I was a teacher (college) but my students were mostly good. Oddest excuse was someone was late to lab and normally if you missed the opening slides/presentation detailing today's experiment you could not take the class that day. This was as much a safety concern as anything else. Once a student burst into the room just as I was finishing the slides so they were technically okay.
When prompted for a reason they said they had lost track of time squirrel fishing. Considering they still had the stick, string, and nuts in hand I let them go.
Squirrel fishing is common on our campus as a form of stress relief; I have done it a few times as well. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squirrel_fishing
IKEA All the Way....
Not me but my program coordinator told the story at orientation. Girl was a really good student. Always on time, studies like crazy, good grades. Overall close to perfect student. Pass or fail exam comes and she's a no show. They call her, text her, email her.
3 hours after the exam starts she walks in with an IKEA catalogue and the name and phone number of the manager written on it. She had been stuck inside of a broken down elevator at IKEA. She had no cell service in the elevator, so she couldn't call and explain. They let her start the exam in a separate room.
Epic Passes....
GiphyI have two.
- A soldier in an online class, he apologized for being late for turning in a paper. His reason, he was in a firefight the previous night. That was excused promptly.
- A student turned in a paper that was singed around the edges. His claim was he and his girl were getting romantic, and a candle lit his drapes on fire and I guess he pretty much burned his whole side of the house down. Verified the story with news that night. SquareDetective
A Few Tales....
Two different students in the same class.
A girl who came to school at lunchtime told me that she had spent the night at her grandparents in another city, and they woke up early in the morning as the house was ablaze.
Yup, could confirm her story online.
The house wasn't too badly damaged and everyone was OK, thankfully.
A guy who the week prior blamed a dryer for his tardiness, claimed that he only had one pair of pants. When he woke up in the morning his pants was wet, and he couldn't walk around with a soggy bottom, so he threw the pants in the dryer and waltzed off to do other stuff.
An hour later he took the pants out of the dryer, only to discover that he had forgotten to turn it on, and, well, he had to spend another hour to dry the pants.
His mom told me that as he had decided to switch to a specific style he had donated almost all his clothes. He actually only had one pair of pants.
Coronation Street Delay
My dad was a teacher in a school that is also used for filming a British TV soap opera. He would regularly be told that students were late due to having to do several takes (they would just walk around in the background of scenes). A few weeks later you'd see them on the TV. Coronation Street - the School is called Weatherfield High in the show, but when dad was there it was called Hope High School in reality.
Crash....
Tiniest, quietest girl in the whole school walks in late, gets harshly questioned by the teacher on what her excuse was.
"I'm sorry, I got hit by a car."
She was 5 minutes late. She then proceeded to ask for permission to go to the infirmary. Her whole left side was covered in scratches and scrapes, but the door was on the right of the teacher's desk, so it wasn't immediately apparent.
"you poor girl"
I had a teacher who made us just write in a book why we were late, so we could quietly slip in and sit down without disturbing others. I simply wrote "work". She basically cornered me after, and half jokingly half serious starting drilling asking why I was so special my bosses needed me and she needs more info and omg don't they realize education was important?
So, with my head down unable to meet her gaze, I start to explain in horse breeding when you have high end horses you can collect their semen and just ship it all over. At the time they needed an extra hand and I was the only other employee comfortable working with their stallion. I went into great detail in all that is involved in the process.
She gave me a hug, said "you poor girl" and said I'm allowed to simply write "work" from now on if it happens again. (for the record, at that time I was simply the person holding the stallions lead rope and keeping him in control, not the one doing the nitty gritty stuff.)
Through the Window....
GiphyI was already running late and was hit by a car outside my class. The professor saw it through the window. I still went to class and she was cool about it, since I was hit by a car.
I Gored Myself
This might be the opposite of the prompt but once a professor canceled class 5 minutes before it started because she "found a chicken in her yard" ...? I gave her a real rough review when the time came.
Also i once had to turn in a graphic design final project a day late because I cut off my thumb with an x-acto blade. The professor was cool with it... I sent him photo evidence. 😂
Thanks Teach!
An awesome teacher of mine let me into an SAT prep class late. When I told her that my apartment was robbed she was in awe. We were new immigrants and didn't have much, no Tv, no computers, just beds and some clothing, but my alarm clock was stolen (silly really!). She brought me an alarm on Monday with some clothes too.
Just Followin' Traffic Laws
Once my friend and I were late to a 7:45 am class, so we decided to stop at the stop sign (we were walking). When we got to class and the teacher asked why we were late, we told her we had to stop at the stop sign while walking. She let it slide for comedy's sake.
Humanity Made Me Late
In high school my chemistry teacher was 20 minutes late to first period. Another science teacher was getting class started when my teacher burst through the door holding a little gift bag. He had found a baby bird on his way to the school and took the time to make it a little nest in the bag and go buy food. The rest of class was spent caring for the little guy. He was one of my favorite teachers ever.
(Once he pulled the safety shower thing to show how it works and it wouldn't turn off. He flooded the classroom below us)
Gobble Gobble
During my junior year of high school I was late to my first hour because my mom, who drove me to school every morning, had to stop the car on the side of the road to watch a family of wild turkeys for over 10 minutes.
Not The Most Efficient Use Of A Helicopter
In the 90's some dude thought to pick up his buddy from the train station on his helicopter, in Braga Portugal. While lifting off he hit the power lines and the helicopter fell on the motorcycle park near the station. No one got seriously hurt except the helicopter and a few bikes. Student of mine arrived late and his excuse was that an helicopter had crashed on his motorcycle so he had to walk. Did not believe him until I saw the news that night.
A Good, Long Nap
I'm a teacher now so this kinda counts, in high school once I went in like 2 hours before school started to finish up a presentation in the library, it only took me like an hour so I decided to go rest in my car till school started, woke up halfway through third period in my car and didn't turn my work in till the next day cause I slept through class.
Streetlights, People
I'm a student, and this incident happened... I think either first or second grade, either way I was probably right.
So, every morning my dad or mom would drop me off at the bus stop, and go do their own stuff, because, y'know, the bus always came. On this particular day, me and all the other kids in our neighborhood just sorta... Stood there for a while. It's getting late, and finally the bus arrives.
We're all freaked out that the bus was late, but hey, we can still make it to school on time, right? Wrong! The bus driver had a sub that day, one who had just moved to our city, and we were like the fifth stop.
Cue a bus full of elementary school kids who have never paid attention to a stop light trying their god damn best to guide a bus driver to the other stops, all while the clock keeps ticking on.
Eventually, the sub had to call our principal or something, in order to explain how the actual f*ck this happened, and another driver picked up the rest of kids while we finally got to school.
I really should've paid more attention to street signs, clearly.
Eyerolls Ain't The Way
I once showed up 30 minutes late to a college class and the teacher just rolled her eyes at me. I looked her in the eye and said "sorry I'm late. somebody died on my train." To be clear, I said this due to the New York MTA's use of the term 'sick passenger', which generally means someone who is unresponsive or possibly dead. In hindsight, the person might not have died, but it was still something that was entirely out of my control that prevented me from being on time to class.
A Classic Excuse With A Twist
Not a teacher but i walked in with a baggy of my homework that my puppy chewed up, teacher thought i was joking when i said my dog ate my homework, jokes on her i fed it to my dog so i wouldn't have to do it.
Caffeine And We'll Call It Even
I taught a grade 12 health class. The kids were 18 and I was 23. Two students were constantly coming in late first thing in the morning. Finally one day I asked them to come to my desk for a chat. I said to the two boys you are always late for class can you please explain why. They said we get breakfast in the McDonalds drive thru. I was like how about you guys get me a coffee the odd time and I won't mark you late..🤷🏼♀️🙃
I Guess I'm Three Dogs Now?
My 3 dogs ate the book I needed for about 20 different assignments. I had to put the chewed-up remains in a bag and take it to my teacher, and they gave me an F for all the assignments because they thought I had done it myself to get out of schoolwork. Yep, this dum@ss thought I chewed up a whole 300 or 400 page book all by myself. That book was bigger than my head and it was a hardcover book, explain to me how this idiot thought I thoroughly chewed an entire book by myself in less than 12 hours (I had used the book in their class for tutoring the night before and they were my 1st class in the morning).
Slip N Slide
Not a teacher, but the student. My Spanish teacher in high school asked me why I was late. I said my bus hit my science teacher's garage. The whole class started laughing their a**es off. My teacher had to explain I was telling the truth. They were friends and he already knew. The house was at the bottom of a hill on a gravel road. The road was pure ice and the bus couldn't stop
Adding Insult To Injury
I had to tell my math teacher I was late because the history teacher from the previous class wanted to lecture me after a student kicked me in the stomach.
The Math teacher had this look on her face that clearly showed she was having a hard time making sense of what I just said. She asked me what I did.
I told her that I have up to three Elizabeth's in each of my classes (Math had two). Almost every single one wanted to be called Lizze, Or Liz, or Beth. except one, and she was in my history class. I kept calling her by one of the other nicknames by accident, when she just wanted to be called Elizabeth. Except, this was the second to last class, and I was used to using one of the other variations. I kept slipping and called her by one of the nicknames, apologizing each time, and fixing my mistake.
Apparently, she got tired of it, and kicked me.
I got a 10 minute lecture about name calling. Elizabeth was just told "you know better than to kick someone." And we were let go. And yes, the Math teacher had to check this out to make sure it was true. And yes, I had a bruise on my stomach.
When The Pickings Are Slim
I went to high school in a small rural town. The main road leading to this town is a 2 lane highway with steep hills/curves. One morning there was some construction/accident causing major traffic and a detour. When we/parents called the school to inform them they already knew. A large group of students were all late by various times and didn't need proof.
The One Thing We Hope Never To Hear
Unbelievably sad, but "my mum died last night".
All the rest of the family lived far away, so dad brought the kids to school so someone could take care of them while he was making arrangements and until the grandparents could get a flight that afternoon. Asked the boy if he wanted to go to the counsellor, but he said he'd rather be with his friends.
He (and his siblings) were understandably absent the remaining two weeks of term.
I've actually had this excuse a second time (and it was true then also), but it was from a boy who was raised by foster parents from birth.
His birth mum had overdosed the day before and they kept him home to talk about it. He didn't care (he'd seen her maybe 5 times in 12 years) and was indeed happy because it meant that his foster parents could legally adopt him as his birth mum wouldn't sign the paperwork (she didn't know/wouldn't say who his biological father was).
This Is A Mood
Not my story, but a friend's. She said she was walking to school when she was in 1st grade and stopped to pet a cat. Well, she lost track of time and ended up getting counted absent. The office called her mother to ask why she wasn't at school, and of course everyone freaked out. They found her still sitting there with the cat.
Another Reason To Stop Eating Chik-Fil-A
This was me as a student, and resulted in both being late and leaving early. I have been using Invisalign, clear plastic retainers for those who don't know. The left side of my bottom teeth weren't moving the way the Orthodontist wanted them too, so they had to schedule an appointment to add three metal brackets and a short wire on my teeth to get that part of my mouth to move. My mother then took me to get Chik-fil-A after my appointment before heading to my school. While eating nuggets, the middle bracket came loose and began spinning around on the wire and between the other two remaining brackets. I tell my mother this, and she says we'll go back after school to replace it.
Around half an hour, I am in my Spanish class when another bracket comes out. I leave to tell my mother (she worked at the school), and she decided it might be more ideal to leave after Spanish, as the wire could begin poking at my gums and that wouldn't be good.
The Whole School Was Late
A couple years back there were roadworks all along the main road of our town, because of the extreme amount of traffic at 7:00/8:00 in the morning it all went very slowly.
But because everyone was stuck in the same traffic our whole school (teachers included) would all arrive an hour late to start the day because of the holdup.
One Way To Feel Like The New Kid
My car died in the middle of the packed college parking lot on the very first morning of classes, on my very first day of college. It died right in the middle of the lane so no cars could get around me. People were honking. Cars were having to back up one at a time to get out of the lane. I was extremely shy and pretty much begged for death at that point. I had to call my dad to come help me. Despite being able to SEE my class from my stranded car, I ended up being 30 mins late because I couldn't abandon it in the middle of the road.
Lack Of Money And Convenience
Idk if this counts, but one time, in the first week of the semester, I was over thirty minutes late to a 2 hour class because I legitimately couldn't find a parking spot! Very frustrating! Finally found one all the way across campus (had to spot someone walking to their car and ask if I could follow them and take their spot). The parking cost for the semester wasn't cheap either! Ugh
Sitcom Style Physical Comedy
Not a teacher but a student in hs. I was running late for school and was wearing heels and a dress for an academic challenge meet after school. I ran outside into the wet grass and then realized I forgot something inside. After grabbing whatever I left inside I ran back down the stairs and my wet heels slipped on the stairs. I managed to fall (literally) head over heels and my heel landed in the dry wall. At the time I did the announcements at school and had a student internship first block. I messaged my teacher with a picture of my bruised eye. The excuse seemed to work pretty well.
Vista Was A Nightmare
As a teaching assistant: 1) Student was late getting their assignments in, told us they had Lupus and had been in the hospital. Story checked out. 2) Football player repeating the class came in, looked like he expected to get chewed out and did by the head teacher. His excuse? His parents had thrown it out. He brought it in a couple days later, stained by food and liquids. They apparently told him it was worthless to try since he's never amount to anything and threw out all his school papers. He was accepted to college with our lunch timing tutoring.
Personally: my midterm college paper was due that morning and, within an hour of class, discovered I could no longer log in to my laptop to print it. Turned out my Windows Vista updated the night before and locked me out. Refused to accept my password. My teacher took one look at my laptop, patted my shoulder, and told me he'd give me an extra week because he also hated Vista with a heated passion. Took my sister and I a couple days but we managed to retrieve my paper from a backup, then upgraded my laptop to Win7.
When You Have Less Faith In Colleagues Than In Students
Fixing another teacher's car. I thought he was trying to pull a fast one but he was all smeared with brake dust/grease, and once I met the teacher he helped, I realized she would be stupid enough to drive 10 minutes with the kind of car problem he said she had.
The Professors Sympathize
I was a student at the time.
At my attending school, we had "Duke Exams". This was the title for an exam from Dr. Duke, a history teacher. She gave 15 "3 words prompts" and 5 questions for every exam.
The parameters for both of these? Write everything you know/remember from class.
I stayed in a Duke Exam for five hours, once. I was excused from all of my classes for that day because I told each professor that morning I had a Duke Exam.
The Teacher Probably Knew
I was smoking in my friends car before school. I left my stuff including my weed and my school books in my car. When it was time to go to school, I went to my car and realized I locked my keys in with everything else so simply calling my parents or AAA was not an option. I go to first period high af and my teacher asks why I'm late and why I have nothing with me so I tell her I locked my keys in my car. Fast forward to lunch period and I return to the car with some of my friends to somehow get myself back... a friend ended up smashing my entire back window. I was of course late to my next class and I had to explain the whole story (minus the weed) Teacher called me a dumb@$$.
What To Do When You Simply See "Explosive Diarrhea"
I have a Tardy Documentation Ledger which students are compelled to sign in when they are late. They can write a reason if they want (they are almost always tardy unless they have a pass). Most of the excuses are simply confessions, like "Walking slowly," or "talking to friends in the hallway." Occasionally I get an excuse that is more detailed, like "Explosive diarrhea," or "I got into a car accident today and the guy was a real jerk and he called the cops and I got mad and smashed my windshield and my sister almost got into a fight with the guy and the cop wrote me the ticked and my dad was so pissed and he said it will lose my car and my phone."
They're Gonna Win!
"We had a brainwave on how to build a killer robot, and lost track of time."
I checked. Daaaang, my students have some cool hobbies!
Amateur Robot Wars
Pet...Raccoon?
I'm not a teacher, but when I was 14 I helped my mom teach summer school for 2nd graders the whole summer. This one kid didn't come to school one day, and when they came back the next day they said "oh, I needed to take my raccoon to the vet so I could get it neutered." I thought the kid was just lying and they didn't feel like coming. The next day this kid brings in a picture of them, gleefully holding a little raccoon. I still didn't believe it until their dad came to pick them up a few days later and guess what's poking it's head out the car window? A raccoon.
We Love Random Acts Of Imperialism
I went to a public high school on the Air Force Academy base, so if you lived off base, you had to stop and show your ID at the gate. One morning my senior year, I happened to get selected for a random car search - they had me pull off to the side of the gate and stand there for about half an hour as they looked under my hood and in my trunk and everything. So when I finally get to English class, I explain to my teacher what happened.... luckily my classmates could vouch for seeing me as they drove by
Misogyny At Its Finest
Not a teacher nor the student, but my great grandmother had a good one. Her car broke down and she had to fix it. Not so strange now, but the teacher had a hard time believing a woman could fix a car! It was the 30s after all. Well she lived on a farm and they only had girls so they all had to learn to fix things, great great grandpa confirmed. (Or so I was told)
It's Gettin' Hot In Herrre
Not a teacher, but my classmate was 30 minutes late for our Croatian language class this year. When our Headroom teacher asked him why he was late he told him that his house was on fire. He started laughing. It turned out to be true. His chimney and a part of his roof indeed was on fire.
Injuries Get You Every Time
In kindergarten, I tumbled down one of those twirly slides and bruised my nose, sprained my ankle, cut my lip open, and cut open the inside of my ear. Thinking back, I must have looked so bad@ss with blood pouring out of one ear and dripping from my mouth, a bruise on my nose which was also bleeding, and with a black eye from hitting it on the slide. My friend just walked me to the bathroom where I cleaned myself up (that's what I get for having a family full of nurses) and then walked me to get an ice pack for my ankle. I just set my foot up on the table and took my quiz.
There was also a time just before quarantine when I slipped off my skateboard (I don't always get a ride to school and it's only a twenty minute walk) and a whole chunk of the skin on my knee came off as i slid across the sidewalk. I always carry a first aid kit (again-family of nurses) and just straight up used a water fountain to rinse it off and then wrapped it and carried my board the rest of the way.
No Tone For The Stone
When I was in highschool I once had a small kidney stone which caused me to miss about a week of school. On my first day back, one of my teachers asked me in a condescending tone in the middle of the class where I was that whole week, as if I had skipped school to go on a tropical vacation. I answered that I had a kidney stone and her tone instantly disappeared.
The Most Stressful Time Of Your Life
I was absolutely stressing out my senior year of college, so much so that I went to counseling at the local mental health clinic. I lived at home during college, but I was trying to conceal the fact that I was going to a mental health clinic from my parents. This was the '80's and the stigma associated with mental health issues was way worse than it is now. So one day, I was allegedly leaving home early to study before class when I was really going to counseling about a mile or two in the wrong direction. After my counseling session, I had to move pretty damn fast to get to my college campus. I got to the classroom just as the teacher was pulling the door shut, but she saw that I was running to make it, so she just smiled at me and let me in.
Zero Coordination
Am a student. Was put in ESE in 4th grade because Florida schools are terrible at handling children when their parents refuse to drug them out of their minds. Got partially out of it in middle school, but wasn't fully mainstreamed until 8th grade because the school didn't want to give up their big fat paycheck from having one more ESE kid.
There was one class in 7th grade I showed up to an hour late every day. Turns out ESE classes follow a different schedule than normal classes, so my ESE English overlapped my Mainstream Social Studies by an entire hour. It got to the point where my SS teacher would send me to the office the moment I walked into her class. I think that was what finally got me out.
(The specific brand of ESE was called "Emotionally Handicapped." Feel free to look up how horrific it is.)
Kabloom!
The funniest - "The bathroom sink exploded on me." Found out later that day that the pipe in the student bathroom actually did burst as my student was washing his hands.
The grossest - "The Police Horse diarrhead on me" They police officer brought the horse by the high school for part of some assembly. The students had like 20 minutes to see the horse afterwards if they wanted to. The horse apparently was having a bad stomach day...
The Most Unforgettable - "I was waiting for the pregnancy test to confirm I'm pregnant" I literally stared at her open mouthed for like 10 seconds before I thought of anything to say. She was so upbeat about it as well. (This was like a few days before her graduation so I'm not actually sure what happened with it all)
A Kebabster's Note
A kid said he was eating a kebab at a store, teacher didn't believed him and he showed him a paper from the kebab man confirming what he was saying.
Lines Don't Work When It's True
Not a teacher, but a classmate with limited english was once made to write lines to the effect of "I will not lie about crosses falling from the sky to excuse my tardiness." The teacher later had to apologise to the boy when the newspapers reported that the giant cross on the town clock tower had come off due to rust the morning before.
Always remember that one.
I Forgot My Clothes
I worked in the main office at a school and had TEACHERS come in late. The usual excuses: couldn't find my keys, traffic jam, kids sick and needed to get a sitter. One teacher came in just as the bell rang but immediately got sent home. She took off her coat and only had her slip on. She apparently forgot to put on her skirt because she was rushing around so much!!! She never lived that one down.
Sounds 90s But Ok
Although I am a teacher, my favorite excuse was one I helped provide.
I went to college in the dark ages, before anyone had their own computers. My university was small & lacking in technology, but they had one computer lab where students could type & print their papers. My friend A. had just finished printing out his term paper for one of his important classes (a lot was riding on this paper), & he started walking to my apartment because he was dating my roommate.
Halfway to the apartment, where there was no shelter at all, the skies opened up in a torrential downpour. When A knocked at the apartment door, he looked like he'd jumped in a swimming pool. He'd tried shoving his freshly printed paper under his jacket, but it still got soaked. He couldn't go back to the lab because it closed minutes after he had left it.
I had heard that you could dry paper in the microwave oven, so I convinced A to let me microwave the pages, one at a time. The results were ok-ish. The sheets were warped, some had very badly smudged ink, and most of them had scorch marks—but we figured his prof would accept it (with the story), and then A could print a better copy when the computer lab reopened. (It was only open about 5 hours a night.)
His professor laughed when A turned in his scorched, smudged, and slightly rumpled paper with his explanation and his fervent promise to get a better copy to her later, but she didn't have a problem with him reprinting it & handing her a more readable copy the next day. He still got a 95% or something on it.
Not Safe To Be Alone At Night
I'm not a teacher and I wasn't late to class but I was unable to finish my assignment one night in like 7th grade because I got jumped by three random people at my local park that didn't even know me and didn't get out of the police station until late at night. The teacher believed me because it was pretty obvious I got beat up. Also all three of them were at least like 2-3 years older than me and I was alone so I didn't stand much of a chance.
Big Cats Roam
Obligatory not-a-teacher, but as a sophomore in high school I went home for lunch. Turned in the news and there was legit a bengal tiger on the loose in my neighborhood (apparently there was a wild animal sanctuary across the way and he escaped). I loved calling my physics teacher to tell him why I was going to be late to my first class after lunch!!
A Block Of Swans
I was once part of an entire university accommodation block (60 students approx ) who were late for the first lecture of the day. This was due to a pair of the university's nesting swans (there was a lake on campus) deciding to shelter from the miserable weather in the entrance doorway. As these evil tempered murder birds were notorious for taking offence at the mere existence of other forms of life, especially bipedal lifeforms, nobody was too keen in attempting to dislodge them.
One of the more foolhardy guys did try poking one of the with a broom handle but its counterattack was so intimidating we decided that discretion was the better part of valour.
The Thing To Come Back With
I was late to a class in TAFE and usually they don't let you in if you're more than 15 minutes. I had a drs note so I thought I'd try anyway coz more than one missed class and you fail.
Anyway the teacher asks why I'm so special to be allowed in when I was late, giving me real attitude, that she's not going to pander to my irresponsibility and detract from those who could be bothered to attend on time.
I was feeling kinda embarrassed and kind annoyed so I replied " sorry my daughters oncology appointment ran late but her specialist wrote me a note "
She just kinda stared at me and told me to sit down.
The Best Note Ever
I taught in a rural school with a very good shop class. I had a kid (super nice, talented kid I liked a lot) run late into choir covered head to toe with grease with a completely frantic expression on his face. He handed me an equally greasy note that said:
Please excuse _____ from class. He's helping me put together a bus we need to run in 45 minutes.
Signed,
Transportation director
I think I kept the note but I haven't seen it in a long time.
Hydrophobic Tendencies
I'm not a teacher but when I was in high school a kid in my class got bit by a rabid beaver and he missed volleyball tryouts. We had class together and the teacher was the coach. Obviously the coach didn't believe him at first but saw the massive bruise from the bite/treatment. To be fair I wouldn't have believed that excuse either had I not seen the mark.
How To Save A Life
I was the student in question. I was once late by about 20 minutes to class. My teacher thought it odd as I am never late. I said "sorry, my friend had a seizure" that friends teacher even gave me a pass. They checked with that teacher. 100% true. I helped my friend who had a seizure in class. She didn't want to go to home and I thought she knew better as it was her body and her condition. She was fine through out the day. I would later marry her friend who also has epilepsy. I am also trained to assist with 5 different types of seizures.
Ouchy Ouchy Ouchy
Student not teacher, college math class. I'd burned the heck out of my hand and was taking hydrocodone for the pain. I could take 3 and still function, but that morning in my sleep addled state I'd taken 3 as I was getting ready, forgot, and took 3 more as I was running out the door. Realized what I'd done about 10 seconds later, thought "oh no," and went to class.
I had a good relationship with the teacher and she knew about the hand already, so when I got to class I just told her what happened, and that I felt fine now, but that I didn't know what was gonna happen. She just told me "sit in the back, if the formulas I'm writing start melting off the board, just get up and go home."
I left 15 minutes later.
-Raspberry Noise-
Forgot new school started at 7 am and showed up for an 8 am start time instead. It was November. Also it was me. The teacher. I showed up an hour late to a class of seventh graders because of a brain fart.
Oh Just A Normal Toe-Breaking
"Hey, sorry I'm late, I broke my toe on the way here! I set it, I'm good."
It happened. She set it, went through class, and went home.
Turned out she broke bones every week or so due to genetics, but boy did it scare me the first two times!
Just Can't Moooooooove
My math teacher said the best excuse he ever got for a student not getting homework finished was that there was a cow in her pool.
My understanding was that it was a family effort to get the cow out, and that the cow was in danger, and it was a lengthy process. I'm not entirely sure what went down, and I am still wondering if there was a fence around the pool...and if so what kind of Houdini bovine stuff went down.
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Everyone has heard the stories of hardships and struggles, but sometimes in life, things can be surprisingly easy. Whether an unexpected life hack, trade secret, or just through pure luck, these stories encompass the little victories of everyday people.
Accidentally Famous
I lived in New Jersey, and a friend of mine invited me to a commercial audition at a New York City bar. I went because of the bar and only auditioned after two drinks. I left thinking it was a waste of time. I had no idea what was coming.
A month later, I get a call that they want to use me for the commercial. Plus, it turns out the director was the guy who directed the original Space Jam. I got lines and ended up in two of their commercials. I then got a 40k payday, where I thought someone made a clerical error. This kick-started my acting career.
Staying Linked In
On LinkedIn, I always have my status set to “looking for work” even when I have a job. One day, a recruiter asked me if I wanted a job. I found the position and applied with the company directly, and apparently, they had been looking for someone with my qualifications.
Just like that, I made $20k more and got a super laid-back job with flexible hours where I never had to commute to work. I also have a really nice title now and actually just interviewed for another job that’s a higher title with higher pay. I’ve only been at my current job for seven months.
Not So Common Knowledge
My small victory was overcoming a lifelong speech impediment at 22 years old. A lot of the "common knowledge" around speech impediments is that if you can't beat the thing by the time you're 10 or so, that's pretty much it for you.
The idea is that your speaking patterns have become so ingrained at this point that you basically have to accept that you're stuck with it for the rest of your life. This was the explanation given when I was cut from speech therapy in third grade.
It was a big part of why it took me until I was 22 to return to speech therapy as an adult. I assumed this issue was stuck in stone, and that I was kidding myself by thinking it was something that could be fixed. But someone had made a big mistake. Turns out that common wisdom was all incorrect.
There actually is no deadline for when you can fix a speech impediment; you just need to be given competent speech therapy. So, my lifelong lateral lisp was gone within two sessions, and my lifelong rhotacism (can't pronounce 'r's) was gone within a month.
It was awesome! But also, really? It was that easy? I could've had a happy, normal childhood this whole time but I just...didn't? Because the adults in my life thought the issue couldn't be fixed back when I was only eight years old? Well, that sucks.
Self-Made Plumber
I achieved a small victory fixing clogged drains. It started out because my sink drain plug wouldn't stay up. I poked around under the sink and found the pop-up rod had rusted completely through and broken.
It cost me five dollars for a new one at the plumbing supply store next to where I worked at the time. It took five minutes to figure out how to swap, and now I know how sink and shower drains come apart, which makes unclogging them simple.
Maybe it's just me, but in my brain, it seemed like that was something I'd have to call a plumber to come to unclog, but it's all remarkably simple.
Small Victory At Small Claims
man in black shirt sitting beside woman in white shirtPhoto by Saúl Bucio on UnsplashMy small victory was suing someone in Small Claims. It was surprisingly easy because my case was rock solid and I had a professionally printed document of evidence, witness statements, and precise records sent over to the court.
Meanwhile, the defendant did literally nothing but send unlabeled loose printouts of my Facebook page as her so-called evidence. It was a very quick judgment for the plaintiff.
Best Job Ever
I've hated every job I've ever had. Then at 18 years old, I joined the forces for six years. That sucked the whole time, then I went into customer service at Walmart, and the staff was mean to everyone. I tried security and the staff was just degrading.
I had job after job doing what I thought was the "right" thing. One day, my life changed. I decided to apply for a local HVAC company and worked at a call center. Nothing big, I think there were a total of nine of us on the phones. Honestly, it's the best job I've ever had.
We all get along, spend hours a day on our group chat sharing memes, and our management has one-on-one meetings every two weeks with the goal of "this meeting is not work-related but we want to know just how you're doing, how's is life treating you, what do you need".
There's constant communication about expectations and how we can better meet them and how they can help us perform better. The majority of the company's profits are used to better employee lives (I get monthly commission and residuals, and $30 a month in healthcare) along with monthly potlucks, paid lunches, and competitive pay starting at $17 an hour.
I haven't seen any turnover...none! My position was only hiring because too many people got promoted.
Too Good To Be True
For months, I had been applying for tons of jobs on every platform I could find. I was also talking to friends to get critiques on my resume/cover letter. Updating my online portfolio, et cetera.
Then one day a recruiter messaged me out of the blue on LinkedIn and basically handed me a dream job. It was one interview and then a call to say “Hey you're hired”. I legitimately thought it was a joke right up until my first day of work.
How I Doubled My Salary
I got a salary request when applying for a job, and accidentally wrote double what I meant to write since the number keys were right next to each other. They accepted anyway.
The 20-Dollar Flat Screen
I found a 60-inch TV by the dumpster. Plugged it in but it didn’t turn on. Looked up common problems with the model number, bought a part on eBay for $20, replaced the part, and had a huge TV for $20.
Sleep Hacked
person holding white medication pillPhoto by Mariana Rascão on UnsplashI never slept well. Then one day, there’s an over-the-counter magnesium supplement called “calm”. I drink a cup every night and sleep like a hibernating bear. It was that easy.
No One Else Applied
This is how I got the Erasmus scholarship. We had only two places each term for the 300+ people in my university program. I always thought of applying, but I thought my chance was too small to get into one of the places, so I didn't really push myself to apply.
Until I did. Turns out I was the only one applying, and I spent the next half a year in the lovely city of North Sweden completely financed by the European Union.
When In Doubt, Try Amazon
I had a loose hinge on my door. It kind of drove me crazy for three years, but I had no idea how to fix the wood that had been stripped. Then I found a product on Amazon for $10 where you shove on a sleeve, break it off and then screw in the new screws.
I bought two new hinges that don’t squeak. It took about 10 minutes and cost $20 and it’s no longer a problem.
A Cheaper Fix
The power steering failed on my Acura. My local Acura dealership wanted to charge me well over $1,000 to fix it. But I had a better idea. I bought a power steering pump off Amazon for $70 and found a YouTube video that explained how to fit it.
I don't have any car maintenance experience but it only took a couple of hours to do the job myself and it worked like a charm.
Thank God I’m Fired
I had accepted a new job but was anxious about giving my notice at my old job. I had been there for 8 years and really loved my team. I had also been stressed out that I was taking a week off between jobs because it was a stretch financially.
I finally set up a meeting with my boss. I couldn't even sleep the night before. An hour before I was going to give my notice, my boss's boss called me into a meeting with HR. I was being laid off along with a large number of other employees.
They were so sorry, and my boss's boss was in tears. She promised they would "take care of me". Anyway, I got 20 weeks of severance and a full three weeks off between jobs. Definitely, the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I was so shocked that I almost started laughing during the meeting and had to pretend I was trying not to cry.
The Miracle Cure
clear drinking glass on white tablePhoto by Giorgio Trovato on UnsplashMy small victory was drinking water. I went from having sleeping issues to waking up fully rested. Water has changed my life! I thought it would be super difficult to kick soda, but once I tried, the benefits certainly outweighed the lack of taste.
Lying On The Job
I got a job that required full-time fieldwork for minimal pay. On my first day, they asked about my other skills. I saw other people using AutoCAD so I said I used it in college but I was rusty. This was a lie. I had only ever used it once to draw some circles.
The company was excited and got me a 4-day refresher class. I learned AutoCAD and haven't been in the field in over a year. I later asked for more pay since I wasn't a field tech anymore.
They said “no”, so I got another job using AutoCAD for double the salary. Pro tip: learn AutoCAD C3D, it's not that hard, and people will think you're a tech genius.
“DJ's Got Us Falling In Love”
In my sophomore year of college, my buddies were throwing a party at their house. One of them was a moderately successful DJ in the local college scene. We were having a good time and the DJ was doing his thing when he had to use the washroom. That's when something beautiful happened.
As he's leaving, he taps me on the shoulder and asks me to just stand at his turntables to make sure no one messes with them. He had songs queued up so I just had to stand there and wait.
About 30 seconds later, two women walk up to me and say how much they love the music. I tell them it’s just a playlist and I’m only keeping it running. But they are still super impressed.
A few minutes later the actual DJ comes back and I give up my post. Then one of the girls comes up and asks me to dance with her. One thing leads to another and we ended up having a great time.
At one point I told my friend about this girl I’d met while covering him at the DJ booth. He laughed and said, “Yeah sometimes it’s that easy”.
Worth A Try
My small victory was getting a job working for the US Department of Defense. I'd always thought that those kinds of jobs required prior government service, and a whole host of various degrees or such to get a job with them.
Then I saw a job opening for one site near where I lived and thought to try it. So I applied. I honestly didn't expect to even get a callback or anything. I not only got the callback, but also got hired for the job.
The requirements were far more lenient than I expected. All the job required was a clean criminal record and a willingness to learn. I ended up working as a wastewater treatment tech for them, and eventually got an environmental engineering degree with their help.
Never Too Late
My small victory was going back to school. I've been toying with the idea for years, but telling myself it was too far, too expensive, too time-consuming, et cetera. Because I had a home, job, and child to maintain, I couldn't do it.
Something in me finally cracked recently and I thought to try it and made a call to a tech school nearby. Three days later I'm on a tour. The tour is maybe an hour or two in total. The papers were all done online, and I start Monday!
They also threw a ton of financial aid at me. I'm only going to pay about $50 a month until I've graduated, and then those payments go up to about $95. Still very manageable. My classes are only four hours long and are at night, and I only have to be in class two days a week.
The rest of my studies are done at home with a tablet they provide me, so I didn't even have to buy a computer or anything. I couldn't believe how easy and affordable it actually was.
Up, Up, And Away
woman in white knit sweater inside aircraftPhoto by Jon Ly on UnsplashI got my pilot license. To be fair, I did study a lot but it was one of those things I wasn't sure I was going to do well on. My instructor said I'm ready, but I still wasn't sure.
Day of the check-ride, I answered every question correctly without hesitation, and did every maneuver correctly. We parked and my examiner said "So how's it feel to be a private pilot". I thou.ght in my head "There's no way" even though I did everything right with relative ease.
A Little Research Goes A Long Way
I'm a 24-year-old female who knows absolutely nothing about cars. Well, I bought myself a nice front/rear dash cam without considering how to safely wire it and found out I would have to remove parts of my car to wire it behind airbags and stuff so it wouldn't prevent an airbag from deploying properly.
I thought I was going to have to pay someone to install it for me, but then I found an amazing solution. It turns out a simple YouTube video walked me through the whole thing! Now my dashcams look professionally installed. I also learned how to change a blown fuse on the same day because my USB adapter wasn't working.
I was high on the achievement of something new and had a brief hyper-fixation on learning to mod my car but thankfully got over it.
Learning To Love
My small victory was breaking up with someone who wasn't good for me. I stayed way too long in relationships that I didn't want to be in. Once I learned to like myself, I realized I don't have to settle.
I didn't mind being alone in between, and because I liked myself, I started to draw the type of people I actually wanted to be around. The type of people who made me want to keep challenging myself to be better.
If you're in a relationship where your heart aches all the time, where you're accepting less than love and respect and kindness, and if you're in a position to leave and still be safe, just do it.
Even if you don't like yourself yet, you will. This is true for all relationships, not just romantic ones. Surround yourself with people you like to be around, and who like to be around you. Time is all we have, so invest wisely.
The Broken Fridge
Some previous owners left a "broken" fridge in the kitchen when we moved in. They put it in the paperwork that the fridge was broken and that they weren't going to dispose of it. So I made plans to get a new one the week we moved in, but just for fun, I decided to plug the old one in to see what was wrong.
Four years later and we're still using it without issue. We did find that the push-to-connect plastic water line for the ice maker was leaking a bit so we replaced that for about two dollars.
All Little Action
When I was working overseas for a US company, many of my co-workers and I all developed a similar chronic health problem due to our employer's ongoing violation of several workplace health and safety laws.
I repeatedly urged my co-workers to file SPOT reports, because it was not the kind of health issue that goes away on its own. Not one of my co-workers could be bothered to file a report, even though everyone complained constantly about their resulting health issues.
So, I filed a SPOT report. They had no idea what they were missing. I ended up in two years of physical rehab back home, hauling in overseas money tax-free, while not having to work, and ended with a generous five-figure cash settlement.
My health issues, thanks to the medical attention I was able to get by holding my employer accountable, have been resolved. My former co-workers, I imagine, are still just complaining about theirs. There was no lawsuit and no attorney. One single report of injuries was all it took.
The Family Favorite
woman standing beside black and gray concrete buildingPhoto by ᕈ O W L Y on UnsplashMy parents and grandparents all had this really annoying habit of making anything and everything sound way harder or more demanding than it actually is.
Whenever I'd perform the feat and realize how insultingly easy it was, I'd be left a little offended while my family would cheer me on. I never could tell if I was offended because I expected a harder challenge or offended because my own family thought I couldn't handle something so simple.
Maybe it's an ego thing, maybe it's Maybelline. I don't know. But here's the twist. After I turned 18, I started treating everything like it was easier than it looks so I didn't let my mind get caught up thinking I couldn't do it at all. The result of this was that I became one of the handiest and most skilled people in my group.
A Little Upgrade
My small victory was learning to code. I’m no programmer by any means, but I was working a data management job that heavily utilized Excel to update a database via file drop. We were using formulas to check our work against the master file of the database after loading it.
I showed an affinity for working with data and my manager encouraged me to learn SQL and move into analytics. I was intimidated so I put that off for about two years.
Finally, I was so unsatisfied with the job that I knuckled down and got started learning SQL. I was so surprised at how much easier it was than I expected.
With just the basics I had a new job within three months. Now I use it every day. Not so much writing SQL, but using and tweaking existing code to suit my needs. Reading code to determine what it’s doing is a great way to learn as well. With any luck, this time next year I’ll be starting as an analyst.
Thundering Trouble
One hot Summer night, we had a severe thunderstorm that hit my area hard. Power got knocked out everywhere around me. So the next morning, they were able to get the power back on, and all of my lights and appliances came to life...except for one big problem. The 65-inch TV that I bought two weeks prior still wasn't working.
Obviously, I tried to turn it on, unplug and plug it back in, et cetera. I tried every single thing I could think of, and after hours and hours of attempts and endless research online, I came to the conclusion that my TV was just donezo.
I figured even though I had the proper surge/power protection hooked up to it, it somehow must’ve gotten fried in the storm. I was devastated.
But after more hours of reading sites and forums about how to repair it, I find a post on a forum that describes the exact issue I’m having, and they said that all they did was get a hairdryer and aimed warm air into the back of the TV and all the internal junk inside.
I say to myself, “There’s no way that works, but what’ve I got to lose” so I grab a hairdryer and aim it into the back of the TV for about seven or eight minutes, and then plug the TV back in.
And boom! It comes back to life and turns back on. Crisis averted. Not too sure why it worked, but I was ecstatic, to say the least.
Members Only
I got an email from Amazon that said I was being invited into their "Amazon Vine" program. I had never heard of it, but the email said that I can just request free stuff, and all I have to do is review it.
It sounded too good to be true. In fact, it sounded exactly like a joke. I was 90% sure it was one, especially since they needed me to sign up with my name, address, and social security information. You know, exactly the kind of information you should never give out on the internet.
But the email seemed to come from Amazon itself, so it made me curious. I did some looking into it just to see if it was a joke and how it worked. However, after looking into it more, it turned out to be completely legit.
In the last year, I've gotten about $45,000 worth of free stuff from Amazon, and all I had to do in exchange was write honest reviews about it. If I like it, I say so, and if I hate it, I say so.
I've gotten all sorts of stuff, like a large-screen HD TV, an ice machine, boxes of snacks like cookies and Doritos, furniture, dash cameras, tablets, tattoo machines, and more. My neighbors must think I have a serious spending addiction, and my poor delivery drivers think I've opened up a retail business or something.
I do owe the IRS a bit because it technically counts as income, but for my income bracket that ends up not being too much anyway. And because people always ask me how they can join, well, you can't. You either get an invite, or you don't.
Nobody knows how they choose whom to invite, but it's based somehow on reviews you've done in the past.
Knowing Your Worth
My small victory was negotiating a pay raise. Rumor got around work that I could use a computer. They tried me out on the CNC machine. Turns out my hobby of playing with computer programming for the past 20 years meant I was absolutely fantastic at it.
It also turns out that fixing the edge banding machine isn't that hard if you learn how it works. Suddenly I was the most valuable person in the place. I expected to just get a pay raise because I have the belief that people should get what they deserve.
No pay raise was forthcoming after 18 months. I am a fairly anxious person, but with some encouragement from my friends and family, I worked myself up to ask for the raise. The response made my stomach drop. The first time I asked, my boss just chuckled.
I don't think he was condescending, I just think the way I framed it sounded like a joke. The second time I asked, my boss said he'd think about it. I immediately started looking for a new job.
Turns out, I am a highly desirable employee. Within two weeks, I had three job offers. I resigned. Everyone was sad. My bosses panicked and asked me what it would take for me to stay. So, I demanded a fairly high wage for my trade to stay.
They didn't even hesitate to give it to me. Now I'm the highest-paid person in the place.
Dream Home Deal
brown and white concrete house near green trees under blue sky during daytimePhoto by Johnson Johnson on UnsplashI got my place because it was sitting on the market for months. It was slightly more than I wanted to pay and it wasn't exactly my style, but it had "potential". It was only four years old and a 15-minute walk to the beach.
It was also on one of the larger blocks in the street. Anyway, I decided to buy it. The pest and building report came back confirming the house was pretty much immaculate. Two months later value had gone up $50,000.
Two years later, the place is worth $200,000 more than I paid. I think everyone overlooked it initially as it only has one bathroom and one small garage, but it does what I need.
I saved 18 years for a deposit and had a great credit score and savings history. I just found the one unicorn property and am so fortunate for it. I managed to even get a bank loan without having to rely on a broker. I absolutely love the place now.
I have a little garden and am putting in trees for the visiting wildlife. The street is quiet, and the neighbors are friendly. I was so lucky to come across it.
Just Another Lego Set
Building a PC is my small victory. With so many sophisticated videos on YouTube that didn't teach the trade well, I thought it would be hard to build a PC. Then I tried it once, and apparently, it was just an adult Lego set, but easier.
Carefree Car Troubles
I completely ruined the first (and last) brand-new car that I ever financed by being a sloppy driver and never changing the oil. Like, not only did I trash the interior of this car, I completely ruined the engine. But here's the kicker.
By some insane stroke of luck, I was granted a recall of my entire engine, due to some unrelated issue. They replaced my engine free of charge, and I drove the car for another 60,000 miles. I recently traded it in for a nice used car and am treating this one like my baby. I used my spare life already.
A Breezy Breakup
My small victory was divorce. Maybe this is an unexpected answer but I was dreading it. I worried it'd be this whole huge debacle. Once I mustered the courage and we got over the initial upset after an hour or two, we just began separating.
The divorce paperwork was simple, the court visit took less than an hour, and boom, we’re divorced. We both moved on amicably. I just feel like people always paint divorce as this incredibly difficult thing but it doesn't have to be and isn't always all that hard to get through.
Computer Genius
I once was a temp at a tiny office on a construction site around 2003. I was only there for one day while the regular person was on some training.
They sat me down and told me that I just needed to copy all these numbers from one program to another. So, I selected them, hit ctrl c and ctrl v. They stared at me. Turns out about 60% of this woman's time had been spent manually typing numbers from one place to another.
Machine Takeover
black flat screen computer monitorPhoto by Jake Walker on UnsplashI used to process HSA claims around 10-plus years ago. One system we had to use back then was an old terminal program that took four line items per page. That's it. For a usual claim, no big deal, and not too hard to keep track of things over two or three pages for a longer claim.
Most fit on one. However, we also had the dreaded shoebox claims. This was the person who saved up every receipt all year in a metaphorical shoebox and sent everything in, once a year, to empty their account. We hated them.
Dozens or hundreds of line items totaling thousands of dollars. Just because you only have $500 in your HSA doesn't mean we get to stop there. If you sent in $4,000 in receipts, I've got to account for it all. Totally ruined my numbers for the day, and they tracked claims per hour religiously.
The main issue was double-checking that everything added up right when you were done entering it, and at four items a page it took forever to tally. But I came up with a genius plan. I made an Excel sheet.
It was laid out so I could enter every single line, then run a macro that would calculate the needed totals and dump all the text to a text file formatted exactly so I could select four items at a time, and paste them directly into the terminal window from the default starting cursor position, and every field would fill in automatically.
Copy, paste, next. Copy, paste, next. Copy, paste, next, et cetera, et cetera. This easily halved my entry times, with way less work. Finding any typos was much easier. I just had to look at a single organized sheet instead of scrolling through hundreds of pages of terminal text. It was great.
I showed it to my manager so the rest of my team could use it. Her reply made me see red. She was horrified I would use something like that, as no human was "double checking as they went along". This is despite demonstrable improvements to my error rates on large claims after I started using it.
She ordered me to stop using it and forbid anyone in her team from automating any part of their job at all. I kept using it for all of the two months I stayed there after that. I had some of the highest claims per hour numbers and lowest error rates on her team.
I never developed any more tools for them. She didn’t deserve them.
Microsoft Maverick
I used to have to make two contracts for every person I brought on a traveling training team. I said two contracts were unnecessary and made them into one, sent it to our lawyers, and they approved it.
Still, it took me a long time to update each contract with different names, pay rates, and dates. So I went on an Excel forum and found out how to make a mailer list, and hours of work suddenly took me 10 minutes. I didn’t tell anyone this though, so I just took my time.
Then I had to make floor maps for restaurants to send to the company that puts them into our scheduling program. Well, all of our restaurants are cookie cutter, so I just used Paint to piece them together rather than make all of them each time. I’m a Picasso with Microsoft Paint.
Then they wanted me to use Excel to keep track of training teams. One of my co-workers used Smartsheet and loves to teach people things. So, I jump on Smartsheet with her and she shows me around.
It's way easier to publish it so that people can see the teams but not mess up any information. I used forms to avoid asking them 30 questions that auto-populate my Smartsheet and shared it with payroll so they never have to reach out to me.
I had templates on Outlook and tons of stuff. I basically took a lot of my job and realized there has to be an easier way. So I would ask on Reddit or just look things up, and spend maybe an hour learning something that will save me many hours in the future.
I always tell people to just look things up. They say “I don’t know what to look up” and I say “Whatever your problem is just search it up the exact same way you’d say it to me”. Then when they look up “Excel thing that makes this do that” they are shocked that they find their answer.
Bathroom Breakdown
A few years ago, my mom was tasked with fixing my grandparent's toilet while we were visiting for the holidays. The toilet reservoir was constantly filling and running, and thus flooding the bathroom, because the buoy arm wasn't lifting high enough from the water in the reservoir to switch off the water flow.
My mom (who is normally a very practical person) had been tackling the issue for hours. She was pretty distraught, thinking we would have to order a new buoy arm, maybe even a new sensor, or switch and pull the whole assembly apart to replace everything.
She was planning out a trip to the store and pricing things out when I walked in. The solution was so simple. I took one look at it and bent the metal arm the buoy was attached to down so the arm had a slight upwards curve.
The buoy still reached the same level in the reservoir but registered on the sensor as higher because of the curve in the arm. Problem solved.
I watched it dawn on her what I had done, and she just looked at me like I had a third eye. She said, “I've been struggling with this thing for four hours and you fixed it in four seconds". She was very happy I saved her from more work and spending more money.
She calls me her “little toilet engineer" from time to time. I work on Aircraft, so it's mildly demeaning.
Open Sesame
A co-worker of my husband's got locked in their office. He was out on a Friday night for a few drinks. He walked past the office on the way to the taxi stand and decided to pop into the office to use the washroom.
When he tried to leave, the magnetic lock on the door wouldn't release. This was one of those buildings where the ground floor was a separate unit, a separate business was on the first floor, and their office was on the second floor.
The only other way out was a rolled-up emergency evacuation ladder he could toss out one of the larger windows, but he was drinking and scared of heights so instead he sleeps in the break room.
The next morning, when the co-worker is still unable to leave, he calls my husband who lived nearby. My husband talked him through where to find the management keys and contact numbers for the security company but they were no help.
So, I grabbed our tool kit and my husband and I drove to find him. We get there and the co-worker is chatting through the letter box. Now, these two men are highly educated. The co-worker is a senior software developer with the company.
The first thing I say is "Sure it's a magnetic lock, so do you not have access to the breakers to cut the electric"? They both just stared at me. The breaker box was right beside the door, and all the co-worker had to do to all night was open it up and cut power.
Suddenly the letterbox closes, we hear the snap of the breaker being flipped off, and the door is open. We all laughed at the situation as he only then told us he'd been there overnight.
Since they both worked with software and it seemed to be a software fault, that's where they focused. But I just thought "door doesn't open because of the magnet, and the magnet needs power, so remove power".
Funny thing is, this is the second time I'd had to come down to that office and release someone trapped inside.
Serious About Scholarships
My girlfriend didn't realize most scholarships aren't even applied for, so they give it to whoever applies to it by default. With her help, I wrote four essays that were tweaked for each scholarship application.
I did the writing because I'm a writer by trade. By the time she transferred to her new college, she had an excess of $1,500 to spend every month. Because of that, she could focus on her studies instead of trying to balance a job on top.
Suddenly Irish
black and brown electric guitarPhoto by K. Mitch Hodge on UnsplashWhen I applied to college, I applied for an Irish American scholarship. Turns out they had so few applicants they just gave me $40k towards my tuition. I have a secret, though. I am not even remotely Irish.
Never Hurts To Ask
I was at a private concert with maybe 50 people for a band that used to sell out stadiums. My friend was a huge fan but too shy to talk to the band. So, I dragged him up to the edge of the stage after the show and explained the situation to the lead singer.
He dragged my friend onto the stage and took his picture with the whole band. My friend had a great time. Sometimes it is that easy.
Right Place, Right Time
I went to the bar one night with some friends and ran into a girl who had worked for me a few years earlier. I said “hi” and we chatted for a minute. Then she asks me where my girlfriend is, so I let her know that we broke up a couple of months earlier.
Suddenly, she replies "Oh cool, well I'm here with my friends and I'm going to go hang out with them, but if you want to hang out after the bar closes, I've always liked you". I blinked about 10 times in a row before finally saying "That sounds awesome". We ended up having a great time.
This One Weight-Loss Trick Doctors Hate
I lost 25 pounds...and all I had to do was stop eating before bed.
Seriously, Did You Try Turning It On?
I was given a TV because the audio didn't work on it. On the back was a "sound on/off" button.
Did Somebody Say Free Electronics?
trash against wallPhoto by Kevin Butz on UnsplashWhen I was a kid, I used to regularly dumpster dive for electronics. The vast majority of electronics are thrown away because some minor part was broken. Often, it's as simple as a fuse.
From Home Cook To Chef
Turns out it’s so easy to learn to cook with raw ingredients. Throwing in random things that taste good together usually works as long as you understand what you like.
All It Takes Is A Personal Touch
I was recently looking for an apartment. Rent in my city, like most cities currently, is outrageous. So after three days of looking, I found this 2-bedroom apartment with a price that normally would get you a roach-infested one-bedroom/studio in a bad part of town.
But these apartments look nice and are in a good part of town. The reviews online are all positive. I can't figure out the catch! Then I saw a disappointing detail. I see there is a year-long wait list for this place. As a result, I decided to go to the leasing office directly.
After talking to the property manager, I get bumped to the top of the list for an apartment that becomes available next month. I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out. Most people spend months looking for places in my city and they'd be paying a third more than I'm paying at a minimum for a similar place.
I looked for 3 days and found this place, but I think I just got lucky and it was just that easy.
Did You Try Turning It On?
I worked on an almost five-million-dollar lighting rig for a concert as a junior guy on the job. We get it all plugged in and patched, but it all went so wrong. None of it would turn on. All the guys were freaking out trying to figure out why.
The team collectively had about 150 years of experience...yet no one checked to see if the generators were turned on. I was like “No way this is why but I'll just go check if the generators are good”. Flipped stuff on and voila.
One Man’s Junk, Another Man’s Treasure
When I was a kid in the 80s, my family was broke. Like, we were two paychecks away from living in our car. We actually did have to live in our car for a few months before my mom landed her job.
Anyway, imagine a single mother of three, who works three jobs just to make ends meet. I was just attending 8th grade, and I was playing in the back of our house. I noticed something in the dumpster that I hadn’t seen before.
I fished it out and brought it home. It was a computer. A monitor, keyboard, and a tower thing. At that time monitors sat on top of the box. And they were huge! Not to mention expensive. I managed to set it up and it was already booting into Windows 3.1.
When my mom got home, she was livid! She thought I had taken it from someone. We couldn't afford anything close to that. No way! But once she saw the grass stains on the side, she knew.
We had that computer for four years. It helped me in ways I can’t even believe. Because of that computer, my love of electronics and my curiosity flourished. No, I am not a computer technician now, but I am the resident computer nerd for my family.
I make a living online, and I attribute most of my knowledge to what I can Google. So yeah! It “was” that easy!
Arcade Awakening
beach under blue sky and white clouds during daytimePhoto by Roland Denes on UnsplashI was at Carolina Beach last summer around Memorial Day. We got to the boardwalk one afternoon and there was an arcade there.
I found this skill game where you have to press a button that moves a fixture with a razor on it. When you let the button go, the device stops and the razor snaps through the middle. There's a small string close to the glass. If you time it right, the razor cuts the string, and this huge door opens, and you get all the prizes in the machine.
I swiped my card to play, pressed the button, and held it before releasing it. Suddenly, the rope cuts and the doors open. My son was losing his mind, and I'm just regretting the next two hours where I have to lug this giant bear and box of sand castle toys all over the boardwalk.
I still have not decided if I'm a savant at this game, or if it’s just really easy.
Just because someone is an adult or a parent doesn't mean crazy things can't fall out of their mouths every so often.
Sometimes parents say the darndest things.
That's why we should always have a pen or a recording device at the ready.
I suggest the phone.
Just wear fitted tees with pockets and hit record.
You have know idea how much having receipts will pay off mentally later.
Redditor TheGasMove wanted to hear about what things parents have said to their kids that left kids SHOOKETH, so they asked:
"What has a parent said to you that made you go WTF?"
The amount of things my mother has said to me that has left me gobsmacked is endless.
I should've kept a journal.
Comedy gold.
The Proof
Jennifer Lawrence Reaction GIFGiphy"After I told my mother that I didn't open up to her or my dad because I didn't trust them with my emotions, she started screaming that she hated me. Like, girl, this is exactly why I don't tell you things 😂."
LandPiranha63
Lessons Learned
"My mom told me that women pooped babies out of their butt. I believed this until I was 12 or 13. Boy, I got laughed at when I used this as my answer when asked in Sex Ed."
Eastern-Operation275
"I (27 F) have divorced parents and my mom always taught me the proper anatomy for things and that it's nothing shameful. On the other end, one day when I was at my dad's, a stray cat gave birth on his porch, and my stepsisters (same age) told my half-sister that it was coming out of the cat's butt, and I was like dude what? I questioned them, and they gave me scornful looks like I just said something offensive. LOL."
SpaceTimeBurrito
SURPRISE!!!
"A few months ago I had gone to do a surprise visit to my grandparents on my dad’s side. While I was driving up their property I saw them walking in their groceries and witnessed seeing my dad for the first time. I had never met my dad in my life but knew my grandparents."
"I walked up and greeted my grandmother and she ushered me over to talk to my father. As I went to greet him this dude threw his hood on and jumped in his truck and locked the doors and said no words to me. Never in my life have I witnessed a grown man run away like that."
Dabtoker3000
Facts...
"My father once told me that between my brother and I, I was his favorite. This caught me off guard because I thought parents weren’t supposed to have favorites."
fun_Dip_fan
"My dad once told me I’m not his favorite. So I told him he’s not my favorite either. Proceeded to get angry."
Honest_Math_7760
"It's problematic to share with your kids that you have a favorite."
LackEfficient7867
Bald Choices
Regret No GIF by Outside TVGiphy"I shaved my head at 21 and kept that hairstyle for the last 28 years. My dad walked into my room when I was 26 and asked me for a comb! He looked at me, thought about it for a second, and laughed. RIP dad. I miss you."
Content-Damage8406
It's my hair. I'll do what I want to.
That's the kid's motto.
Adults not so much.
At least that was my experience.
Why Bother?
Ytho GIFGiphy"When I called my mother to find out a good time of year to visit her she said, 'What for?'"
Space_T0ilet
Sure Papa Joe!
"Wasn’t my parents but my Grandpa."
“'Josh can you take me to see Marge?' Marge was his long-time girlfriend who had Alzheimer’s. My GP was in his 70s at the time and we took away his car because he was a dangerous man behind the wheel, to say the least. 'Sure Papa Joe!' That or PJoe was his nickname."
"Drive him to the place Marge was cared for at. Stop at the front and ask 'How long until I come back?' He replied 'Give me an hour. That should be long enough for us to have sex.' I start crying laughing and he leaves with a giant smirk. I could never look at him again without thinking or saying 'Almost 80 and still getting after it, WTF!"
ackbosh
The Joker
"Oof. I hadn’t talked to my dad in 15 years. I decided to reach out (for certain reasons and not to restart a relationship). He asked if he could ask me about my life. I let him. I told him, among other things, I was in a wonderful relationship with a terrific gal."
“'Is this a real relationship or like the girlfriends I had when I was with your mother.'”
"I was equally glad I disowned him 15 years ago, disappointed a man and a father would speak like that to his estranged son, and angry that he was the father I was born to. He is just one big joke to me."
Silence-brothers
Chop Chop
Steve Harvey Reaction GIFGiphy"I would often visit the kitchen to watch how my mother cooks. One day when my father saw me coming out of the kitchen, he said 'You keep visiting the kitchen, your penis and testicles are gonna fall off. That’s how girls are made.” Context: I was 7 when he said that to me and we are a Korean family."
DeepSleepr
Learning to cook, is a great survival skill.
More dads need to get onboard with that.