Teachers don't get enough respect in the world at large. From the diminished raises
Reddit user, u/n3rv0u5, wanted to know about the craziest things teachers have taken when they asked:
Teachers of Reddit: What is the most interesting / disturbing thing you've ever confiscated from a student?
What About Pooh?Giphy
A live piglet. We'd been on a field trip to the petting zoo/farm, and a student smuggled the piglet back in his coat.
Think Of The DiabetesGiphy
A one gallon bag full of swedish fish. It was made even more interesting because once I turned around, he whipped another bag out if thin air,
I hung out with a some of the jacka** types and one of their girlfriends turned 18 so they got her a present and gave it to her in the middle of the common room.
She opens it and sees a big purple sex toy and starts laughing loudly. Someone reaches over and turns it on and it starts wiggling and turning. People are laughing louder and this gets the attention of others and eventually the whole common room is watching and laughing.
The vice principle heads over and sees what is going on, grabs it and stares at it for a minute, can't figure out how to turn it off, so stuffs it in his pocket and walks off with everyone watching.
It was still wiggling and making sounds.
No Need To Take Anything OutGiphy
I've taken lighters, knives, drugs... All the good stuff.
My favorite though, I was watching one of my Seniors walk through the metal detectors. He pulls out a pill bottle and puts it on top of the metal detector. walks through no problem. As he's getting his belt back on, Little plump latina security guard is like, "Hey, what's that!?"
Full to the brim with weed. We were all laughing about it like, "Dude, It's not even metal! Why did you take it out!?"
He got suspended for the last two weeks of school, but totally graduated. One of my favorite kids.
Not exactly confiscated but I once found a sheet of paper covered in the word "porn" over and over, with a single iteration of "pornhub.com" in a 9th grade classroom.
I don't know if I would say I was disturbed as much as I was disappointed and unsurprised. Disappointed mostly because I knew that that was likely where these kids were getting their sex education and it was going to give them some f-cked up ideas and expectations.
Preparing For WarGiphy
Not mace the spray.... Mace, the medieval spiked ball on a chain. A real one. She wanted payback on an ex boyfriend.
She got expelled
Phone Irresponsibility Is A Constant ProblemGiphy
Early 2000's: The students were all in discussion and suddenly half the students were crowded around one desk. I didn't ask and just said, "Ok, hand it over." not knowing what it was.
I was handed a phone. This picture was of a topless girl.
(He was removed from the environment for 3 weeks as punishment)
Please Hand Over Your...Chicken?Giphy
Not me, but a colleague. I teach at a mostly immigrant school and most of the kids are used to buying and killing their own chickens. For show and tell, one student brought in one of the chickens they were raising for food. The teacher had to make sure the chicken got home safely and that the student wouldn't snap its neck in front of everyone.
The Tooth Fairy's Going To Be Confused
His baby teeth. He was a kindergartener and had collected them all because his family didn't "do the tooth fairy" so he had a little case he kept them in. He brought it to school without my knowledge or his parents. I was sitting at my small group table, I look over and he's sitting at my table fiddling with his teeth while he's reading. Never thought I'd have to institute a "don't bring your teeth to school" rule. 😂😂
...Neptune? Is That You?Giphy
It was a metal shop project and he didn't see anything wrong with having a sharpened three-point weapon under his desk.
Give Him The JuiceGiphy
Not me but it involves me
My friend gave about $25 to get 20L of apple juice so the next day I handed him the 10 bottles of juice in class, he started drinking from one of them so the teacher took it away then he took another one out then she took it away again, this continued until he ran out of apple juice.
Next, It'll Be Your Gametes!
I was a prekinder teacher a while ago. One day I'm sitting with the students at lunchtime, checking that they eat their food. One little boy finishes his meal, walks up to me and says "Teacher, wanna see my zygote?"
I almost choked on my coffee. "Your what?"
He smiled and pulled out a plastic doll with green skin. Apparently there is this toy brand called Distrollers that makes baby dolls called zygotes that are supposed to resemble a half-pregnancy baby. They come with an incubator and medical instructions.
Who Would You Need To Talk To In Art Class?Giphy
A Ouija board. From an elementary schooler with strict Jehovah's Witness parents. I definitely did not tell his parents about that one. The kid never came to get it back, either.
A Slithery SurpriseGiphy
In 8th grade several of us were gathered around my friends locker and early looking at something between classes. Eventually a teach manages to come over and see that we were playing with a 4-5 feet long bull snake. My friend saw it walking to the bus stop that morning, caught it, and put it in his backpack. Naturally they need to confiscate it, but at the same time they don't want to be bitten. They ended up having us take it to some woods near the school and releasing it.
When I was in 9th grade I was chewing gum in class, it wasn't against the rules or anything. Except I had my forehead down on the edge of the desk and I yawned.
My chewed up gum fell out of my mouth onto the floor, I picked it up and my teacher made a move towards to find out what I was up to. She demanded I give her what I had picked up. Me being embarrassed for spilling out my mouth like an idiot I brushed her off and told her it was nothing.
She was suspicious and insisted so I reluctantly put the chewed gum in her hand, not as an act of defiance but just nervous reaction to her grilling me. When I dropped the wet wad of gum in her hand she looked at it and said " oh ". The class erupted in laughter and I put my head back down on the desk.
A Classic Example Of "That's Not What That's For!"
A razor shoved in to an eraser.
Where'd The Money Come From?Giphy
My Mom is a kindergarten teacher in Brampton, Ontario.
She was helping the kids pack their bags with their library books etc at end of day when she found a huge wad of cash in one of the little boy's back packs. She assumed it was fake but pulled it out anyways out of curiosity. It was $2800.00 in cash, exactly (I don't blame them for counting it LOL) She didn't feel comfortable sending him onto the school bus with that amount of cash so that's why she temporarily confiscated it.
She brought it to the office and called his parents. The parents were out of their minds looking for it of course and were thankful the school called. They claimed it was their rent money but my Mom thinks differently for her own reasons.
Edit: I thought I'd add a few things. We really don't know what the money was for but the neighbourhood and housing they lived in didn't really add up. That being said it's all speculation and this was about 13 years ago. I mean, both parents had drug charges but at the same time, people do pay rent. Maybe this was first and last for a new place. We will never really know. Either way it was quite the find for my Mom and we all found it incredibly fishy.
A ziplock bag of the students own dandruff and scabs. He ended up telling "you want it so bad, have it" and emptied it on my computer. I still don't trust the keyboard to be clean now (a year later).
Like...What Do You Even Do?Giphy
A 3rd grader had made a flesh light at home with like a can and sponge (like those DIY videos) and had brought it to class. That was the most uncomfortable phone calls I had to make to parents.