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Teachers Share Their 'This Student Is So Dumb It's Scary' Stories

Teachers Share Their 'This Student Is So Dumb It's Scary' Stories

Teachers are here to support all of our students... and trust us when we say that we believe most of them do.

But just wait until they get to the teacher's lounge and all the stories come out.

Not all students are created equal, as we were reminded once Redditor HeyHeyHeywow asked the online community,

"Teachers of Reddit, what is your "this student is so dumb its scary" story?"

Every. Single. Lesson.

britney spears wink GIFGiphy

"I'm a flight instructor. Had a student who really wasn't cut out for flying. Before each lesson he job was to do a preflight on the airplane and make sure everything was working. One of the items you check during the preflight are the flaps. Basically, they are a flap of metal that extends from the aft section of the wing and drops down into the airstream during landings."

"Well, we fly a Cessna 172 where the wings are on top of the cockpit (above the pilot) and the flaps are situated just behind the door. Without fail, this guy opens the door, moves the switch to deploy the flaps, and turns around to run face first into the flaps he just lowered. It's funny the first, concerning the second time, and expected after the tenth time."

"Every. Single. Lesson."

decathlon_flyguy

packing it in....

"I work with kids 12-18 and the amount of middle schoolers who do all of their work and pack it around in their bag without ever putting it in the homework box or handing it to the teacher is astounding. If anyone figures out why they do this, please help me lol"

"Edit: thanks to everyone who shared their stories. I think I gave some better insight now. Hopefully I can help my kiddos more with some starting points."

chrssytna

V-Day Questions...

"I was a former college recruiter who used to set up a booth at low-income schools to help guide first generation students into college. Had a high school girl come up to me and tell me she wants to be a gynecologist. So I start talking about which schools have good pre-med programs, the kind of classes she would need to take, broaching the idea of med school. She says hold up, a gynecologist is a doctor?"

"I say yes. She says Well I do NOT want to go to medical school. I just want a job where I can look at vaginas all day. We ended up talking about possibly cosmetology school or esthetician school. Also, she was not kidding. I got many, many dumb questions like this. When you don't know, you don't know."

Liviabirch

Name Drop

"I'm not a teacher, but I used to volunteer in my daughter's classrooms when they were in elementary school. One day while I was helping grade papers, it became quite apparent that one little girl had copied from the boy sitting next to her - not only were the answers the same, she also had written his name on top of her paper!"

lunatuck

Dear Emily....

Giphy

"I don't usually wear glasses when I teach. Except for one day. And it was subsequently a big deal among all my fifth graders."

"The next day, at the start of class, I noticed a girl in the front row wearing glasses for the first time. Something seemed a little off so I finally decided to chime in."

"Emily... what's the deal with the glasses?"

"These? I need them to see."

"But they don't have any lenses."

"She appeared befuddled and said, "They don't?" before lifting her finger up to one of the eye frames and poking herself in the eye."

rake2204

"? spelling"

"History/gym teacher was telling us about catching people cheating. He said he was always for people who thought up creative ways. On the other hand, when you get a paper that's the same as another, word for word, including one particular misspelled word, with a "? spelling" written above it, well..."

Mrs0Murder

Chompers.

"Told to me by a friend, written in his words."

""The other day I had a student bite into a bar of deodorant. Just... chomped right into it, as if it were a coconut-and-palm-tree-scented ice cream bar. This, after making like he was going to "lick" it and accidentally getting the taste of the deodorant and his own residual pit sweat. Half a second later he just went whole-hog on it and took a chunk out of it, then spat it out. I didn't know whether to call poison control or the principal."

becauseiamtheDM

It's my $$$

"When I was a professor I had a student submit a paper she clearly hadn't written. I called her out on it and she complained by email to me and CC'd the dean of the school. Her argument was that it *was* hers because she had paid *her own* money to have it written."

tatsukunwork

being 21....

children GIFGiphy

""Teaching laboratory skills. Asked a student to mix a tube by turning it upside down gently a few times. Immediately turned it upside down without putting the cap on first...

"Edit: student was a senior undergraduate, so maybe 21 years old?"

QuiveringCloacas

Plate Issues

"I thought I would be teaching about plate tectonics today."

"Ended up having to do a lesson on why the earth isn't flat. 4th graders."

squirmdragon

this fool....

"This one moron currently in my master's program makes me question if I'm actually in a mental institution. How someone like him managed to get into what is generally considered a top tier program is beyond understanding."

"From contributing zero to group projects, to bring an active detriment to group effort, it seems like he is trying to be difficult."

"His "final, ready to be submitted" portion of one class's big final project had 30+ spelling errors, including but not limited to: "revanew", "develuped", "Acers" instead of acres (this one repeated 6 times), "constrans" instead of constraints, "pencells", "skool", "accel", "hite" instead of height. It goes on and on. This was just the errors in one project in one class. I happened to have him in all 3 classes and I happened to have him in all 3 group projects."

"In one group, we collectively sent him 33 emails and text messages with highlights, bullet points, step by step corrections, and he completely ignored them all, only to blow up at us in a group meeting about how we were all bullying him and he didn't understand what he was doing wrong."

"He would argue with us about whether he was right or not, whether his abysmal work needed to be edited or not. He never spell checked a damn thing. He never reviewed his own work once. He is the biggest piece of crap mentally challenged student I have ever met. Yet somehow he got into this program."

"I hate this dumb fool."

OC4815162342

is it real?

canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy

"Not from when I was teaching, but a buddy's classmate."

"HS Class was discussing the number of stars in the galaxy. My buddy jokingly says 20. Kid next to him (notably not the sharpest kid I've known) goes, "are you stupid? There's gotta be 100 of them. Maybe even a thousand." Serious as can be."

"Honestly not sure what's dumber; him thinking the guess of 20 was real. Or him thinking that 1000 might be too high."

phisch13

Steal Correctly. 

"I'm a professor grading papers now and I have a few contenders right here. This one student blatantly plagiarized in his first paper, I mean just cutting and pasting from webpages - he didn't even steal form the primary sources and they weren't even scholarly webpages."

"I was so surprised at how badly he plagiarized, that I gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he didn't understand what it really was. I just gave him a 0 along with an email describing the issue in detail with some additional links for whole sites that do the FAQs really well."

"We met, and I explained it to him. He was abjectly apologetic and explained that he had missed the nuances before."

"Grading the final paper, same crap all over again. And I test this stuff using a free website I found just on Google and it takes like 2 minutes to check. What the hell is he thinking? (Also the non-plagiarized part it so poorly written I don't know how even got in, much less made it to be a junior at, a selective school. The guys is also premed, WTF?)"

zazzlekdazzle

The Book Fair

"I volunteered to do the "book fair" for my old middle school (my mom was the assistant librarian). I had a 7th grader come up to purchase a poster of a car. The price was $3. He pulled out two $1 dollar bills and set it on the desk in front of me. He then pulled out a handful of change and set it on the table. He asked "is this enough?" I said, "well, you need one more dollar." He then picked out 2 quarters and 2 dimes. "Now?" he asked. I said, "that's 70 cents, you need 30 more." He picked out 3 nickels and added them to the pile."

"There you go," he said. I then proceeded to ask him what he thought the denominations for each coin were, and he legit did not know. I had to give him a quick lesson in the value of each coin and helped him count out $1 in change. To me, this situation is ridiculous. We will all have to deal with money throughout our lives. You have to learn to know the value of each coin and know how to add money."

JimmyStrongLegs

Aquatic Problems

"Not a schoolteacher, but I've taught swim lessons in the past. I was once teaching the adult learn-to-swim class and had an incredibly dumb dude (let's call him Rusty) sign up. Rusty was a 100-pound guy with an absolute fear of water, he wouldn't even shower, but he decided that swimming lessons were gonna cure him."

"It was the first day, when we were just getting accustomed to the water and helping people with a phobia start to get over it. The first few people are puttering around in the shallow end (1 meter deep) and getting a feel for the water."

"Some of them were immigrants from someplace very dry and had never been in a pool before, so it was quite the experience for them and things were getting loud."

"All of a sudden, I hear Rusty give his best bald-eagle-screech attempt, sprint down the deck, and launch himself into the deep end (4 meters deep). He immediately starts drowning (no fat, no float) and is going down fast. My assistant, the lifeguard, got in, got him holding on to the rescue tube, and pushed him to the shallow end, still screaming and flailing."

"He hauled himself up the stairs and started sprinting for the deep end again and chucked himself back in. I went in after him since my assistant was still in the water and dragged him out again. He tried to do it a third time but I was able to stop him until security showed up to hold him back for his own safety."

"I never saw him again after that day, but I'll never know why he, an aquaphobic nonswimmer, would think jumping in the deep end was a good idea."

thetaterman314

"wait, then what's a state?" 

"I've had kids turn in papers that were clearly plagiarized, but one kid didn't bother to change the font color on his paper. It was a pretty clear case."

"I had another who was supposed to be researching a technological innovation, the history and impacts of it. One kid chose the telephone. His paper was not only obviously plagiarized, but it was literally an ad for telephones.com. The kid had clearly not even bothered to do anything other than just go to telephones.com and copy and paste."

"But my all time favorite is the kid who stopped me and said, "Is Chicago a city or a country?"

"I told him it was a city."

"He considered that for a minute and then said, "wait, then what's a state?"

edgarpickle

England's Best...

"I'm not a teacher This was in my 11th grade world history class. We were going over WW2 at the time, when this girl raised her hand and asked completely serious, "Wait England isn't a state in the US?" The teacher just looked at her in shock while the rest of the class burst into laughter. I am sure she was serious because she got really embarrassed and after class I heard her ask her friends at lunch if they knew about England. They also started laughing at her too."

Comeputergeek

Page 82

how i met your mother spell GIFGiphy

"Student got access to my Masters thesis and lifted a section out verbatim and turned it in to me as their own work. It truly was an experience. My Master's thesis is around 200 pages so if they had picked some info from say pg. 82 then I might not have caught it as I wasn't using Turnitin. However this student copied the very beginning section which I had spent a ridiculous amount of time on."

collapsingrebel

Be Optomistic. 

"Had some students come up to me the other day to ask if they could go see a teacher during their lunch break."

"I asked why, and one of them said. "We're in trouble because we accidentally made fun of someone with optimism."

"I then asked her to repeat herself, hoping she would correct herself, but said "optimism" instead of "autism" again."

"I let them go see that teacher, because I did not have time to think about how to approach that conversation."

dammithelenjanet

FOR THE CHILDREN!! 

"In my design class, i had this girl who had placed a garage beside the house, but couldn't, for the life of god, figure out why her 90cm by 200cm door was not appropriate for a car to enter through. Same girl planned a small space for children in a library. Said space was only 1.5 meters high, and no matter what the teacher said, she kept going back to "but this space is for children, they are not tall!" "But they will suffocate!" "But it is a space FOR CHILDREN!"

Lupus_Noir

Hey John

"this happened in high school maths: lets call him john"

"Teacher: So john, how do you find an average?"

"John: Kilometer."

"the pain in the teachers eyes was immeasurable."

TheSoviet-Union

Seriously?

Bbc Three Comedy GIF by BBCGiphy

"11th grader spelled his last name wrong. Like multiple letters wrong. I literally sat and stared completely dumbfounded for a few minutes."

Reddit

So Many Kids. 

"I work in IT at schools, so not a teacher. My favorite one is kids bringing their laptop in complaining the internet doesn't work. Turns out the have all but ripped off the top cover and it is held together with just a cable. I show them all the torn cables and ask if they could guess why their laptop doesn't work properly."

"This has been multiple kids between multiple schools."

clemboy500

Mr. President. 

"Okay so I used to be a teacher, and then I went in to teacher education. So I supervised student teachers in the field, meaning I'd go out and observe them teaching their classes. As an observer, one's job is ONLY to observe, not to offer comments during the observation, so you literally say nothing."

"It was a 5th grade social studies class and they were discussing Ben Franklin. One student asked "What number president was he?" And the teacher was like, I don't know. Followed by like a 10-15 minute debate in the class and with the teacher about which number president he was. :("

"Obviously the 5th graders aren't so dumb it's scary ... but ... thank goodness the student teacher finally decided to use the google to answer their question.""

DTownForever

It BURNS!!!

"Not a teacher but a student."

"I was in a geology class and the teacher was talking about lava and this one kid stops the teacher to ask "does lava burn? Like would anything bad happen if I put my finger in it?" Naturally the teacher and the rest of us assumed he was joking and the teacher just kinda laughed. The kid then says that that he's actually serious. The teacher just kinda looks at him like "wtf" and he says yes and carries on not wanting to waste time. I was still convinced the kid was joking so I ask him after class if was just joking and trying to hell with the teacher when he said he was serious. He then tells me that he really was serious."

"That's not the first time he's said something that dumb so I don't find it very hard to believe that he might have been serious."

Morningstar-X

Sometimes the boss is dumb....

"Kid clearly had autism, and rather low functioning at that. I was his key worker and could only get him to respond to textures or music. He was only 2, but wouldn't answer when called and would just sit vacant in the room while all of the other children got up and moved into the other room. Just not 'there' in the here and now unless, like I said, I played a song and he'd come to life. He'd sit at the table vacant unless I put his hands into something that felt different (water, sand etc). I told my boss that I thought he had autism and she replied 'autism is nonsense, he's just lazy'. So I continued teaching him as though he was autistic because that's the only way I could get him to learn. Fast forward and yep, he's autistic."

bo0merKaren

Good Boy

"I had an 8th grader today who was surprised to learn that when he calls his teachers Mr./Mrs. ______, that is their last name, not their first name."

"I go by Mr. Good. He thought my first name was "Good".

goodenough88

The Bad Peaker...

"So I am lecturing on population (15 year olds 9/10 grade). I tell the students that most likely human population will PEAK at 10.5 billion... a hand goes up and says, "Uh what does peak mean?" I'm stunned as well as the class but he is serious so I answer. I have another teacher in the room and when we are alone asked what I had thought when I heard the question. I thought if your father hadn't peaked I would've been spared that question."

"Same kid. Teaching patriarchal and matriarchal society which has nothing to do with sex/intercourse but a hand goes up and he asks, "So if matriarchal is women and patriarchal is men... then who's in charge of the lesbos?" But before I could respond his friend says, "You're a moron. The lesbos take care of the lesbos." My class took awhile to recover."

uhhreally35

The 4th Grade

"Student here, and I was in fourth grade at the time. Well, there was this kid that like to mess with people all the time. One day teacher left the room for a little bit so it was just a bunch of kids in the room suppose to be doing a test. Well this kid hoes in front of the class, and puts a stapler to his ear threatening he would staple his ear if we didn't help him so another kid goes up and hits the stapler stapling his ear. I'm not sure if this is what you mean but its pretty damn funny."

Tygergod

Middle Name?

"Had a test on the three states of matter. Student response:"

"First Name = Liquid

"Last Name = Gas""

""That's what we called her the remainder of the year!"

Kagamoosha

tangled....

Duct Tape GIF by A Black Lady Sketch ShowGiphy

"My wife is a teacher and she said some kids literally don't know how to rip a piece of tape off a roll. They just keep pulling it until it gets all twisted and stuck on itself and ask for help."

gruss577

Legless....

"So I'm going to keep this short. I was teaching my kids how to spot the difference in things. I started out with a group of boys with blue shirts and boys with white shirts and asked them if they could spot the difference. Cool. So I asked a girl to spot the difference between a whale, a dog, a cat, and a mouse. Like the genius she is, she said, "one doesn't have any legs." Awesome. Now I ask this boy who just doesn't have "it" mentally lol to spot the difference between himself and the students who wore glasses. This boy said, "I don't got no legs." I was in SHAMBLES. I had to leave so I could laugh properly smh."

truthurtsss

Hold Please. 

"Mom has been a teacher for 42 years (8th grade the whole time) and there was one student in particular who did an array of unintelligent things. The one that put the nail in his being expelled coffin was when he didn't want to go to school one day and instead of being sick, it went like this:"

"Reception: insert school name how may direct your call?"

"Student: my name is insert students name and this is a bomb threat."

"Reception: Please hold"

"Student: ok thank you"

"Parents called after police, expulsion and charges processed."

Genericwhitemale86

Denier....

no way eye roll GIF by BounceGiphy

"I had a student completely plagiarize a research paper. He just lifted it from a website, which I found immediately due to the fact that he left the URL at the top. Still denied it!"

Agodunkmowm

Oh Avraham....

"Not a teacher myself, but my teacher told us this story, I should mention that i live in Israel and ofc the lessons are in hebrew, so we had an essay we had to write in English about people who influenced on our lives, and there was one student who used a lot of Google translate he probably just ran the whole text through it, our teacher's last name is "Ben Avraham", and yes he ran it through the translator, so he called her son of Abraham."

pocerface8

Silly Freshmen. 

"I taught a freshman English class and an 18 year old wrote a persuasive essay arguing that homicide is a good way to keep population down."

viva_la_viva

The Freeze

cold game of thrones GIFGiphy

"Teaching grade 10 history. I cracked a bad joke one day about how the Cold War happened every winter for about 50 years. One of the questions on the test was to list 8-10 important facts about the Cold War. Guess what fact appeared in several student's responses to that question?"

steviendaedalus

Space Camp

"I worked as a Substitute for a while. The first question the kids always asked me was why their teacher wasn't there. They never tell the substitutes this but they expected that I would know. So I'd just start making stuff up and the kids would totally fall for about anything. I had a high school class get very upset that their English teacher didn't tell them she was going to Space Camp."

"I also had a habit of telling the elementary kids that their teacher had to go to the ocean because they were really a mermaid and needed to go to the ocean regularly or they would't be able to change back. They always thought that was a good reason to be absent."

meatball77

Utter silence. 

"I was a substitute teacher for a 6th-grade science class, one in a school that I frequently substituted in. I knew most of the students fairly well and had subbed for this particular class of students quite a few times. There was one particular kid, let's call him Mason. Mason wasn't the brightest bulb of the bunch, but I never expected such a spectacularly idiotic question."

"We were talking about the strongest metals, the densest ones, and we were on the topic of diamonds. Mason raised his hand, and I think the entire class could already sense the loss of brain cells incoming."

"If diamonds are so unbreakable, why don't they just make schools and banks out of diamonds?"

"Utter silence."

tonytonix

Fish Polish

weird fish omg GIFGiphy

"Gonna get buried but had a kid in high school where they were doing a lab with nail polish and the teacher had pet fish. This man dumps the polish in the fish tank and the teacher flipped her lid. He got suspended for 2 days. Btw he was a sophomore in high school."

DolphinsSB2020

Swimming Relief...

"This was before I was a teacher. I took my wife white water rafting for her birthday. We got to a point where people could jump in the pools and float a few meters down river."

"Well one person starts and several follow."

"Suddenly a commotion."

"This one got jumped in. Apparently he couldn't swim. So his girlfriend jumped in after, she could swim."

""Thankfully it wasn't a crazy section and they were wearing like jackets. A few of us grabbed our throw bags and got them to shore."

"Relief.

"Until he did it again! Seriously WTF!""

Joey_the_Duck

"I had to explain to a student..."

"I teach 5th grade. I had to explain to a student walking in line. He would never walk in line correctly. Finally after correcting him for the 1000th time, he snapped. "What do you mean? What do you mean get in line? What's the line? Why do teachers always say that?" It never occurred to me he didn't understand after being in school for years. He was the best though. One of my favorites."

mememenji

"I work in student accommodation..."

"I work in student accommodation at a fairly large UK university, and jesus christ the things I've seen. Even if you don't count the things they do while drunk, you still end up being concerned for the future of humanity."

"Things I've seen students learn the hard way:"

  • "Plastic bowls are not an adequate substitute for saucepans, and will melt if you put them on the hob. Likewise, you should take the polystyrene foam out from under your frozen pizza before you put it in the oven."
  • "If your packet of sausages says 'to oven cook: 15 - 20 minutes", that does not mean you can put it in the microwave for the same amount of time. You should also not go and have a nap after doing this, or you'll wake up to panicked flatmates and a corridor full of smoke."
  • "To boil pasta, water is required. Again, panicked flatmates and corridor full of smoke."
  • "Most people know they shouldn't microwave metal. Some people still try to heat unopened cans in one."
  • "If you forget your keys, call security. Don't try to climb in through the 10" x 12" bathroom window because you'll get stuck, and we'll need the fire brigade to come and rescue you."
  • "Dumping the contents of the kitchen bins over the warden's car is a bad idea at the best of times. It's worse if you are already facing disciplinary action for something else (which was actually quite minor, iirc) and the warden already knows who you are. Doing this in front of a CCTV camera, in full view of a security patroller, while the warden watches you from his balcony, and then trying to blame someone else will not improve things."

"I've probably got more, but I'll have to think of some that don't involve alcohol. We'll be here all day if I start typing those up!

lick-a-lemon

"I had a classmate..."

"I had a classmate put a thermometer into the middle of a bunsen burner to "see how hot the fire was".

"As glass and mercury promptly exploded everywhere, I'm pretty sure I saw the teachers soul leave her body. Never saw her look so horrified or pissed before."

BethPercy

"On a number of occasions..."

"On a number of occasions, around five or six, I have had to explain to students that you can still get pregnant even if you don't orgasm. Apparently, it's an old wives tale in a bunch of cultures. And when i corrected them, they fought back."

Spodson

"So he refused to turn it in..."

"When I was student teaching, I had one who was JUST on the verge of passing (thanks to the incredible mercy of the primary teacher). All he needed to do was turn in a worksheet that he finished in class. I know that he finished it because I watched him and helped him do it. All he had to do was give it to the teacher. But, in his mind, that would mean that she had won. So he refused to turn it in. I left the school before the end of the semester, but I would bet money that he failed the class."

SomeGuyInShorts

"I had a little boy..."

"I had a little boy (first grade) who always got 14 as his answer to every problem no matter what. On the second day of school I sat down to do 3+2 with him using counters. We set out a pile of 3 and a pile of 2. I told him to count and watched in horror as he pushed the counters into a line and then counted back and forth and back and forth re-counting them until he got to 14. That was the biggest number he knew, he would have just kept going on."

FoutryFour

"One girl gasped..."

"Kids asked me, "Are you from Detroit or (some other city I forget)?"

"I said "Neither, I moved here from Pennsylvania."

"One girl gasped and asked, "Do they have slaves there?"

LegitimateIntimate

"One of my 10th graders..."

"One of my 10th graders said she saw a crime being committed (bike being stolen in neighbor's yard) and she wanted to call 911 but she didn't know the number."

librarylady1980

Educators all need raises across the board. Do you have similar stories to share? Let us know in the comment section below.

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People Who Hooked Up With A Coworker Break Down The Aftermath

Reddit user Nuff-Do asked: "People that had sex with coworkers - how did that turn out ?'

We've all heard that love and work do not mix, and we've definitely heard that we shouldn't take relationships or friendships with coworkers to the next level.

Between having our work, our jobs, our income, and maybe even our reputations on the line, there's simply too much at risk.

But maybe sometimes, the affair won't turn out quite the way we expected.

Redditor Nuff-Do asked:

"People who had sex with coworkers, how did that turn out?"

Rewarded with a Trip to Italy

"I was a young Airman at my first base in California and I worked with a girl (let's call her Sarah) who was way more attractive than anyone my small-town Missouri a** had ever hooked up with before."

"For some reason, she was into me. She was into a few other dudes too, but at the time it didn't matter because I was 19 and stupid and she was a few years older and far more sexually experienced than I was. We had sex a few times and sort of 'dated,' but it didn't really go anywhere and I was heartbroken but cool with it."

"This was right after 9/11, so U.S. military operations were starting to ramp up and Sarah got deployment orders. They didn't tell her where she was going, but she was on the hook."

"Her reaction to the news was to tell our Chief that she was pregnant with my kid so she didn't have to go. I knew she wasn't pregnant and just using it as an excuse not to deploy."

"The Chief came to me and asked if I'd go in her place. As I said, I was 19 and even though I was a little scared, I signed the dotted line and told him of course I'd take the deployment."

"It turns out, the 'deployment' was to a NATO base in Naples Italy where I'd be paid about 80 dollars per day per diem on top of my normal paycheck."

"As soon as Sarah found out where I was headed, she called the Chief and told him she wasn't pregnant anymore and would like to take the deployment."

"The Chief denied her request and I spent an amazing eight months in Italy, being paid more money than I knew how to spend and having the time of my life."

- NewPac

Watching Them Move On

"We met thru work and dated for one and a half years. She cheated with another coworker who is married. We broke up. She started to date a different coworker. Not the married one. She paraded that relationship in my face."

"Everything was great until it wasn't. It really f**ked over my self-esteem and self-worth for years. It sucked that I had front row seat to her moving on."

- bluevacuum

"I feel that last part. When my ex moved out, she did it slowly over the course of like a month. She came over every day and packed up slowly until she finally got everything."

"The worst day was when she finally came and took her cat. I still remember sitting in front of the door and crying for hours after she left that day."

"There's a band called Pedro the Lion that has this lyric, 'My old man always swore that hell would have no flame. Just a front-row seat to watch your true love pack her things and drive away.'"

- FTG_Vader

"When I kicked my ex out this summer for having cheated on me, I gave her an arguably unfair timeline to leave before all of her possessions just went outside, and packed and moved everything for her to the garage overnight, since I couldn't sleep anyways."

"This is why. I simply couldn't handle those constant reminders and wanted it done and gone as fast as possible."

- DeceiverX

A Messy Breakup

"I had resigned and was leaving the company anyway but it was one of those classic hookups at a company party. We had fun for a while but then she decided to stop seeing me."

"I'm glad I had left the company by then; otherwise, things would have been messy."

- love_boobs_in_dm

A Huge Theft Ring

"I got fired and she got fired and all 20 guys she f**ked while we were dating were fired."

"I got fired under false allegations because she was my girlfriend and she was stealing from the store."

"She got fired for stealing from the store."

"The other 20 were fired because it was brought up that she was stealing and sleeping with managers and other coworkers while in a relationship with me. They thought that me and her were the center of a theft ring."

"Like, no... I don't steal so."

- butahoomach

A Promotion for Everyone

"So my wife of over 10 years, who had cheated in the past and I forgave her, got a huge promotion at work which caused us to relocate."

"I guess she got tired of me because she kicked me out and we were getting a divorce."

"Four months later, I found out that a co-worker had a thing for me, so I took my shot. The sex was amazing. It could be that it’s been a long time for me since sex with the wife was basically non-existent for the last few years of marriage."

"Me and the co-worker have now been dating for over a year and I haven’t been happier. So for me, it worked out for the best. And the sex is still great!"

- Unrealevil360

Too Many Options

"I worked at a casino as the only male cocktail waiter/bartender (roughly eight cocktail waitresses and four female bartenders). The floor was mostly women between the bar, servers, restaurant, and dealers."

"I slept with one of the cocktail waitresses for a couple of months even though I knew I had a bigger crush on her than she did on me. I also knew I didn't really want a relationship with her for a couple of reasons."

"Evidently, she told some people and gave me good reviews. After she quit and moved away, I had more interest than I really knew what to do with and kinda just went for it with anyone who showed interest that I was attracted to as I knew I had no more than a year left there no matter what happened. I ended up with four more of them over the course of a couple of months."

"One time on a shift, I looked around and all four were on the floor somewhere. All knew each other but I'm not sure any knew about the whole situation, and none were any false impressions of a relationship as far as I know so nothing bad came of it."

- CallMeLargeFather

A Family Man

"Not me, but she was working in payroll and he was a security guard. One day, a coworker saw the security guard walking her to her car. Immediately, she was transferred to another branch. However, they continued to see each other."

"Soon after, they got married after finding out she got pregnant. In the next five years, they had three daughters, with me being the youngest. My dad ended up passing away from brain cancer when I was just a toddler."

- Swimming-Site-7682

The Downfall of a Friendship

"I had one good experience one bad. The first one we ended up dating for a year and a half. We had a ton of fun sneaking around at work, and even though in the end he totally broke my heart, it wasn't a bad experience."

"The second one was very bad. Do not recommend."

"I thought he would be safer because we were friends, so I figured communication and rules would be no problem. Instead, we didn't communicate at all because we were both so worried about hurting each other's feelings."

"It ended badly with major assumptions on both ends and now it's very awkward and uncomfortable."

"It makes me sad because honestly, I just miss my friend. While the experience can be fun, I don't recommend it."

- laylalove89

A Suspicious Relocation

"Pretty fine. We worked at different locations in the company the first time we slept together, but we knew each other as she had trained at my location."

"One night we ran into each other at the bar and one thing led to another. A couple of months later, I ended up getting transferred to the location she was at and we just acted like it never happened."

"After a month or two of working together, we ran into each other again at the same bar, and history repeated itself."

"There was a slightly awkward moment a couple of days later when I had to find a way to give her back the necklace she'd left at my place without anybody noticing, but other than that, our working relationship didn't change at all."

- Nervous_Chipmunk7002

Messy Feelings Everywhere

"First time: super fun but I got more attached than she did."

"Second time: kinda fun but she got more attached than I did."

"Moral of the story: don’t f**k coworkers unless you’re SUPER SURE."

- Arch021

A Heartbreaker

"We dated for over a year and then one day she randomly decided to break my heart. Thankfully, we had stopped working together by that point. It still makes me tear up thinking about her, though."

- Electronic-Mud1634

Best Decision Ever

"We had an instant connection the moment she joined the foundation I had been working at for a year. We worked at the front desk together and we got to know each other very quickly."

"Neither of us enjoyed small talk and we would get angry emails from our unbelievably incompetent manager about the amount of laughter coming from the front desk. We got all of our work done, and then some, our manager just felt like she was getting left out. Which our manager was, but it was because she sucked."

"I worked from home four days a week before my new coworker started and a few weeks later she asked me why I was coming in every day. I told her something about training her how to answer the phones, which she instantly knew was bullsh*t (we got four calls a day, max)."

"The first time we hung out outside of work we told each other it would be a terrible idea to date. That lasted for about 10 days. The next time we hung out we slept together."

"That was a year and a half ago."

"We left the foundation after she told our manager that her 'management style' was untenable in an email. The two of us then called a meeting with her and we laid out a very well-planned strategy for departmental growth and change."

"Our manager nodded her head the whole meeting and told us how proud of us she was for taking ownership of our careers and how excited she was to implement our new plan."

"Three weeks later, they fired my coworker. They pushed me out, telling me that they no longer had a place for me (at my review the previous year, the CEO told me herself that she believed I had CEO potential)."

"We both have new jobs, she is a high school English teacher at one of the best high schools in the country and I became a private investigator."

"Her dad and I go to college football games together and our moms get lunch and do spa dates."

"We have been showing each other how to heal and grow as individuals and as partners."

"Right now, she's sleeping in my bedroom while I type this in the living room. I don't know what the future holds for us but I do know that she's the love of my life."

"Sleeping with my coworker is the best thing I've ever done."

- frankenfine305

"Marry this girl already."

- Long-Regular-1023

Redefining the Coworker

"Pretty good. We have a kid together. Granted we'd been married for seven years before we became coworkers."

"She always wanted to teach at the same school as me. The school grew enough that it needed a dedicated English teacher. She has a master's in it so it worked out."

- i_have_seen_ur_death

A Slow Transition

"We worked together for a couple of years and became close friends before we crossed the romance line one night after a lot of drinks. Honestly, it was and still is amazing. Happily married now over 15 years with two kids."

- theshannons

A Bartender's Love Story

"She's sleeping next to me, cuddling our cat."

"Turns out our chemistry working behind the bar together was also amazing outside of work."

- Eb_Ab_Db_Gb_Bb_Eb

We've all heard that love and work don't mix, and that we absolutely shouldn't get close to our coworkers, but from these Redditors, it seems that while things could get messy, sometimes it's worth the risk.

adding machine with printed receipt tape
Towfiqu barbhuiya/Unsplash

When we're young and naive, we tend to be optimistic as we have our whole lives ahead of us and we have to time to figure out who we are and who we want to be.

But when we're all grown up and out in the big world on our own, nothing can prepare us for the harsh realities of adulting until we experience them.

And unfortunately, life isn't always sunshine and roses the way we imagined it to be when we were much more innocent.

Curious to hear about life's many wake up calls Redditor Just_Surround_2108 asked:

"What is the adult version of finding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist?"

Life's deceptions begin slowly revealing themselves.

Caveat Emptor

"When you buy an 8-piece tupperware set, 4 of the pieces are lids."

– throwmeawaypoopy

"Same with pots and pans. What a rip off!"

– MrsMalvora

"And when you put them in the cabinet, suddenly SIX of the pieces are lids 😂"

– opheliainwaders

Value Of Friendships

"That some friends were never really your friend."

– Kangaroowrangler_02

"Also that friendships can end just like any relationship."

– ScienceUnicorn

"The best friend I'll ever have said some nasty things to me and blocked me recently. Never going to get much closure on that front."

"Not having closure is, with both friends and lovers, worse than the loss itself. I want to grow. Tell me what I need to become so this doesn't happen to me again!"

– VoxClarus

"On a related note: your co-workers are not your friends."

– tomdelfino

"I think most people seem to treat this as the default stance, but I’ve learnt you can actually make deep connections amongst coworkers, the same way you do in other stages of your life."

– immorjoe

The role of parent and child unexpectedly switches. So now what?

Who's Parenting Who

"That time period when your relationship switches and your parent looks to you for answers and advice, instead them being the one with all the answers."

– Smile_Terrible

"Not sure about that one. Dad simultaneously says I’m the smartest person he knows and I don’t know how to do anything lol."

– Puzzleheaded-Job6147

About Grieving

"When both your parents die. I am in my mid 50’s and had my mom pass on Mother’s Day ‘22. My Dad then was living with us from then, and eventually reached in-home hospice status with a sudden stage IV cancer diagnosis. He died in January of this year, and then I got laid off from my tech job and was unemployed for 10 months. Nothing takes the wonderment and positive outlook from the world than having to empty out your childhood home solo and throw everything you grew up with into a big dumpster and are left to wonder what our lives really mean."

– i_spock

Leaving Behind The House You Grew Up In

"I’m in the process of dismantling my childhood home right now. I’ve compared it to dismembering the dead body of a loved one. It’s really rough."

– HaloTightens

"my mum sold my childhood home a decade ago. i won't have to go through that."

– deathschemist

We all want to grow up when we're young. But as soon as reach reach 30, we want to slam on the breaks.

Aimlessness

"I thought I'd grow up, move out, find my footing in the grown up world and basically switch into cruise mode. Now I'm in my 40s and sh*t is confusing as f'k."

– Borsti17

"As adults, nobody knows what they're doing, we're just pretending we do."

– BeautifulMidnight-

Misconception Behind Work Integrity

"Being a hard worker and good at your job doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be rewarded for it."

– DorianOrosco

And the laziest person at work is allowed to be lazy, but the hardest worker isn’t allowed a break."

– Puzzleheaded-Job6147

We Are Our Parents

"Finding out that your parents are people, too, with weaknesses or flaws that you were blind to when you were young."

– tamammothchuk

"And the day you suddenly notice how old they are. When their mortality finally hits you."

– daggerxdarling

Living On Borrowed Time

"Yep had that day earlier this month. Was visiting for dad's 75th birthday."

"As I was leaving, out in the sunshine and fixing to get in the truck, I suddenly saw how small and frail-looking they are now. Mom hit me the hardest. She's started to shrink. They are both healthy, but Dad's just . . . worn."

"Been also doing the math lately. The math where you count up how many times you see them a year and then multiply that by how many years they have left according to the average."

"I've had enough crap and surprise losses in my life that I've long since started parting with family and friends like it might be the last time I get to see them. But that times left to see them calculation really clobbers me with my folks, and it's not even that bad yet for me. Given the ages of my grandparents when they passed I've probably still got somewhere between 150-200 visits."

"But the meter is running."

– Boudyro

I'm at the point where I'm realizing there are no handbooks on life and taking care of our parents.

When you're so used to having them there and taking care of you your whole life, nothing can prepare you for the time when that role reversal happens.

As tough as that may be, however, there's nothing more beautiful in life than returning the favor for the people who loved you unconditionally and raised you.

It's not attractive to gloat.

And there is little more obnoxious than flaunting how wealthy you are.

Particularly if you aren't even that wealthy to begin with.

Indeed, perhaps to make themselves feel more powerful and important than they actually are, many people will try and show off how much money they have in what they wear, eat, live in, and drive.

However, not everyone is so easily fooled, as those in the know can detect a charlatan when they see one.

Redditor aloe_veracity16 was eager to hear the dead giveaways that someone might not be as wealthy as they appear, leading them to ask:

"What’s a dead giveaway that someone is not actually as wealthy as they claim?"

Stating The Obvious...

"When they constantly talk about how wealthy they are."

"A genius doesn't need to tell you they are smart."

"An athlete doesn't need to tell you they are fit."

"And a rich person shouldn't need to tell you they are wealthy."- TigLyon

Attracting Unwanted Attention...

"90% of the wealthy shut the f**k about it, because they learn once they start making good money everyone wants a piece."

"Talking about it constantly = broke AF."- Vladtehwood

Simply By Doing It...

"Making the claim at all is a dead giveaway."- Starfox41

In Plain Sight...

"People who actually ARE wealthy mostly try to hide it."- Matt7738

"Living In A Material World..."

"I'm not well-versed in judging someone's wealth, but I do notice that the fake rich only look rich on social media and try their hardest to go to popular locations celebrities post."

"I know a couple of friends of friends who took out a loan just to keep up the facade that they're all in on the latest iPhones and wearables."

"They built a persona of being a rich kid, so now they have to stay the course."- anima99

Flaunt Modesty, Not Wealth...

"As a person which knows many very rich people."

"I can guarantee that not a single one of them wants to be known as rich."- CompetitivePause9033

Schitts Creek Flirt GIF by CBCGiphy

We Heard You The First Time!!!

"When they repeatedly and adamantly tell you how wealthy they are."- Famous_Bit_5119·

Experiences Over Stuff!

"I feel like actual rich people prioritize vacations/travel, buying their kids cars, paying for their kids/grandkids tuition."

"They don’t spend money on flashy or luxury stuff as much."- Klesea

Summer Time GIF by Merge MansionGiphy

All In The Editing...

"Ever notice how those jet setting influencers that post their pictures out of the airplane window are behind the wing?"

"They're in coach."

"The picture in business is where they stopped to pose on the way through."- Turbulent-Ask-2633

Pack Light...

"Private Jet pilot friend of mine said for the slightly wealthy they bring loads of luggage."

"The ultra rich bring a day bag they have enough money to buy clothes when they get there or already have clothes waiting on them."- hadmeatgotmilk

The Less Said...

"I never met a wealthy person that talks about it."

"They don't need to."- 181Eclipse·

Christina Moses Secrets GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy

"See The Pyramid [SCHEMES!] Along The Way..."

"They make a goofy advertisement for some book or course that 'will help you get rich too!'"

"If they were actually rich, they would be on some tropical beach engaging in whatever vices they enjoy most-not hocking some get-rich-quick scheme."- illegalopinion3

All About The Simple Things...

"My dad's entire job is managing millionaire / billionaire philanthropy accounts, so I’ve grown up surrounded by some of the wealthiest people in the country."

"And I never knew until I got older how these 'Mr. Smith' and 'Ms. Jones' people that I’d grown up hanging out with were anything above upper middle class."

"Normal clothes, modest homes, very down to earth and funny people."

"Big wealth, and especially old wealth, is quiet wealth."- Travel_and_Tea·

Anything But Proud...

"I have a family member who insists she and her husband are upper middle class."

"She isn’t."

"She’s rich (8 figures), but it hurts her in some sort of primal way to acknowledge that."

"Her adult brother is also wealthy, although not as much as his sister."

"Likely also 8 figures."

"He insists he’s blue collar and middle class."

"There’s something in their upbringing that makes them ashamed of having 'made it' financially."- strangled_spaghetti

Blue Collar Work GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphy

People will try to come off as wealthier than they are for a multitude of reasons.

But just like any facade, keeping it up eventually becomes untenable.

This is why it's always most important to be grateful for the things you have, rather than flaunt what you wish you had.


silhouette photography of couple
Sean Stratton on Unsplash

When it comes to dating, I have my mental checklist. The guy must be kind, intelligent, funny, and a movie buff. He must be adventurous but also doesn't mind a Netflix and Chill date night.

Most of this is similar to the mental checklists other people have. Of course, I can be flexible. If someone is nice and I'm having fun with them, they don't necessarily have to check all the boxes.

However, I have one specific dating restriction that is a dealbreaker regardless of how many boxes the person checks, and that's religion. I've never been a fan, and now I'm an atheist, and I would want my partner to be as well. That's because I want kids, and the last thing I want is for us to argue about how to raise the kids when it comes to religion.

I'm not the only person who has one specific dating restriction. Everyone has that one thing that is a dealbreaker when it comes to a romantic relationship. Redditors certainly do, and they are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor AceofSpadesYT asked:

"What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?"

It's Just A Joke!

"No cruel or rude pranks."

– detective_kiara

"I saw a post by someone whose boyfriend "pranked" her by pretending to be dead on the kitchen floor. That is exactly how she had found her previous partner, dead on the kitchen floor, which her current boyfriend knew. He was surprised she dumped him and didn't think it was funny."

– innocuousspeculation

We're (Not) Gonna Party!

"No party people. Nothing wrong with it, I just ain't dealing with that sh*t."

– PlantBasedStangl

"True. I like planning weekend stuff, but it has to be something meaningful - visiting a different city, movie marathon, mountain hike, fancy lunch, all okay. But... clubbing and drinking? How f**king old are we, 19? No thank you, I'm old and have no energy for listening to music I don't like while being surrounded by 50 people that I don't give a single half of a sh*t about."

– PlantBasedStangl

LOL

"Same sense of humor. I have 0 interest sharing physical space with someone who doesn't laugh with me."

– Legendary_Lamb2020

My Ears Are Bleeding!

"I'm a light sleeper. I cannot date a snorer. I can hear snores through ear plugs AND a fan blowing. It's not you, it's me."

– YourLocalOrca

At that point, it does sound like them 😂

– CuriousRedditor98

Funemployed

"Have a f**king job."

– Cuss-Mustard

"Found this difficult when I was funemployed. Was fortunate enough to be able to live off savings for a bit."

"People reacted oddly to it. “But what do you do???”"

"Was dating at the same time and some girls had the same sentiment. “You don’t have a job?”"

"I had a good enough job that I didn’t need one anymore. And one lined up 8 months from then. But there were two girls specifically who treated it as a deal breaker."

– DigNitty

"I had a similar situation. I worked a high-paying job for a few years that demanded a ton of my time and had crazy hours. It burnt me out badly and I lived off of the savings from that job for a while and tried to date now that I actually had free time. I had more money in my bank account during that time than at any other point in my life but so many people were put off by me being funemployed and assumed I was looking to leech. But I guess there’s really no way to know someone's history and hard not to assume. Now I work full-time and have way less money overall but it looks better..."

– Pinsit

Just Breathe

"No smoking. Ever. I'm not kissing an ashtray, or smelling an ashtray. Instant turn off."

–fishfood19

"100% I broke up with an old gf because she started smoking behind my back knowing I’ve got asthma and it was always a hard pass. She thought I was joking but it showed me that she was also untrustworthy."

– Jonowl89

That'll Do It

"I guess my husband restricts my dating."

– HeinousEncephalon

"My wife has the same rule. But the jokes on her, I get around it by dating her!"

– AuralRapist

Prehistoric Love

"Must like dinosaurs."

– Grungeceratops

"That goes without saying."

– Plain_Chacalaca

What's In A Name?

"Cannot have the same name as any of my relatives."

– Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

"My last ex had the same name as my Dad and I reeeeeeaally didn't like it. So, fair."

– severaltalkingducks

Be Polite

"If they’re rude to people they’ll never see again (Waitstaff, cashiers, etc) I’m out."

"I can’t respect anyone who doesn’t respect themselves, and when you’re not polite to people you’re disrespecting yourself."

– OctopusCandleCompany

God Only Knows

"When I was dating, you had to be an atheist. I don't mess with religion. And I genuinely just don't think atheists + religious people work out."

"And I know... There's going to be someone who comments (assuming there are enough upvotes) who says "I worked out with my spouse who's religious and I'm not!" but you're the exception. When it comes to making decisions long-term, how to spend your money, where you think you'll go after you die, not to mention basic morality (!), and if you have children - that's a huge hurdle."

– Lulu_42

"We worked it out. It's absolutely an exception and not the rule. Don't do it if you can avoid it."

– Alcoraiden

Let's Move Tonight (Literally)

"They need to be ok with cold weather."

"I grew up in the north, live in the south, and I'm tolerating it until I can move back north. If someone says they hate the cold it's an instant turn-off because I don't want to drag someone into a climate they hate."

"The same thing also applies to walkability. I want to move somewhere walkable, and I hope to meet someone with that same goal rather than try to talk them into it."

– ThePresidentCantSwim

"Let me know when you find this mythical northern walkable community."

– Partner-Elijah

My Purr-fect Match

"Cat has to approve."

– Possible-Source-2454

Non-Negotiable

"They need to be male. Kind of important."

– RMHaney

"So weird, I want the complete opposite."

– eightvo

Yeah, the male thing is kind of important for me too!

Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.