One of my favorite things about working with young kids was that they have no idea how hilarious they are.
Their lack of filter, genuine lack of knowledge, and the kid-confidence to just go on ahead and say/do the thing combine for comedy gold.
Reddit user Smoke1000Blunts asked:
"Teachers, what was hilarious at the time that you absolutely 100% could not laugh at?"
The "problem" (and I use that term loosely) is that sometimes you're in a position where laughing isn't okay. You don't want to laugh in a crying child's face because the reason they're crying is the cutest thing you've heard all week. You don't want to reward certain behavior with laughter.
You don't want to risk your safety like this first-person:
"I had a kid who got extremely angry because I told him that he couldn’t do something - I honestly don’t remember what."
"He started stomping and screaming and became so angry that he dropped his pants and stood there in his underwear glaring at me."
"I wanted to laugh so bad but it would have just pissed him off more and that would not have helped the situation. I knew from experience with this child."
"This kid was crazy smart. He taught himself to read before he went to kindergarten - like full on books, not just sight reading. I was his preschool teacher and realized he was actually reading books on his own, not just reciting them from memory or using sight words."
"I brought it up to his parents - they hadn't taught him how to read. He taught himself because he wanted to know."
"He was also crazy manipulative."
"His mom is great about holding boundaries and not giving in, his dad on the other hand..."
"This was years ago and the kid's got confidence out the wazoo, still. It'll be interesting to see where he ends up in life."
He Meant Gongbbc two bang GIF by BBCGiphy
"The time a fourth grader asked me to show him my dong. Loudly. In front of his entire class."
"I’m a music teacher. And a female."
"He meant he wanted to see a gong."
"I taught middle school band."
"My student came to me to let me know he couldn’t find the bong."
"When I asked if he meant the GONG he totally realized what he had said and his face got so red."
Ye Olde Phone Numbers
"I’m a history teacher."
"We were looking in the textbook at a section on the founding fathers. Several of them had their own subheadings and a little paragraph about them. Like this:"
"George Washington (1732-1799)"
"Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)"
"Benjamin Franklin (1707-1790)"
"I then had a student raise their hand and ask, completely serious, 'If you call these numbers, do they still work?' ”
"She thought their birth and death dates were their phone numbers. I teach high school, the class lost it, and it took everything in me to keep a straight face."
"5 year old starts randomly bawling. Quite concerned, I rush over and ask what's wrong."
"She holds up a single hair and says her hair is falling out and she's going bald."
"I had to - with a straight face and with sincere concern to validate her feelings - explain that hair falls out naturally but new hair takes it's place."
"I had this fear as a child 🤣"
"I… no one taught me about this. I had to find out last year (I was 25)."
VirginsBusch Beer GIF by BuschGiphy
"Field trip instructor."
"I was leading a discussion on food chains with some 4th graders and asked what we call animals that only eat plants."
"The answer I got was 'virgins.' "
"I was looking for 'herbivores,' would have taken 'vegetarian.' I was not prepared for 'virgin.' "
"I used to think virgins are nicknames for people from Virginia."
"It was very confusing reading a Dear Anne newspaper section and all I could think was:"
" 'Why does it matter where you're from? Why do you keep repeating it?' "
Easy To Remember
"My first year teaching, I was going over the parts of a parabola."
"So I had my boring ole parabola up and I drew a dot at the vertex. Some kid goes:"
" 'That is the easy one to remember, it's the nipple of the titty.' "
"I had to keep facing the board for a bit so push back the smile."
"Unrelated note: This is the exact thing my classes learned about this week. And I can't look at a parabola anymore without seeing a droopy boob."
"Oh man, I was the kid and it was like 18 years ago and I STILL cringe/laugh at myself."
"We had to pick stories to read out loud in front of the class, and I picked this cute one about Candy Stripers - you know, volunteers for hospitals who get to wear the cute striped apron."
"My dumb kid self kept mis-reading it out loud MULTIPLE TIMES. So it came out like:"
" 'And when I grow older, I want to be a candy stripper!' ”
'I can still hear my teacher wheezing with a red face in the back of the classroom."
"For the life of me at the time, I could NOT figure out why she kept laughing. But as an adult it kills me."
Phlebotomy FlubParks And Recreation Thumbs Up GIF by HULUGiphy
"I was a phlebotomy instructor (sorry not a 'teacher teacher') and one of my students (fresh out of high school, so she was young) was practicing on an elderly patient."
"He asked her if she was going to take all of his blood. She responded quite joyfully 'Yes, I’m gonna suck you dryyy!' ”
"The old man got the funniest surprised look on his face and I about lost it but somehow kept it together."
"Oh man, the look in her face and the 50 shades of red she turned after she realized how that came across… absolutely priceless."
"Will never forget that."
Never Learning Subtraction
"I was helping a third grader who didn't want to work on his subtraction of three digit numbers that required borrowing."
"I told him, 'Fine. Never learn to do this. Then I'm going to open a store that sells things you absolutely love. And when you give me your money, I'll just randomly hand you back change that is less than you should actually get because you can't do the math to figure it out...so I'll just take all your money and you probably won't even know.' "
"He looked at me dead in the eyes for a few seconds before stating, 'That's bullsh*t.' "
"I had to hold back laughter for about a good 20 seconds before I could reply, 'You're right, so learn to do addition and subtraction and you won't have to worry about it.' "
'You' Isn't The Bad Word?
"I used to teach 3rd graders who were non-native English speakers."
"One time one of them ran up to me to tattle on his classmate and said 'Teacher, Teacher, Tunwa just said 'F*CK YOU!'!!' "
"Tunwa, who was running behind him goes 'No teacher, no!! I only said 'F*CK' I didn't say ..." *looks around and starts to whisper* '...you...' "
"I was like, 'No, no! That's not the bad word, it's the other one!' "
"I was dying, I had to turn around and go laugh behind a corner."
Parents, teachers, childcare providers, people who have spent more than 4 minutes and 28 seconds in the presence of a sassy-kid:
What's the funniest thing YOU'VE tried not to laugh at?
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"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
RedditorMidoriSpicewanted to hear about the lack of skills some people really need to acquire when it comes to sexy time. They asked:
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
RedditorProblemNice5257wanted to hear why so many people are still on the hunt for that perfect one. They asked:
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"Yeah, I describe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit."
"Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
"Idk your issues but everyone's got some crap. Not sure how unique yours are but everyone's got some crap. It's good to share some of your struggles with other people. Just don't open with it haha."
"Issues unresolved or not, (in my case) only makes it worse when you feel like you could open up to them, and they just take those to use it against yourself afterwards."
"I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality."
"I spent a year entirely isolated due to covid and now I can't handle physical contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and a hug is enough to make my body shut down. I'm hopeless."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
"Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice."
"Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends."
"I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life."
"I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade."
"She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along."
"It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
But even those who don't practice an organized religion tend to believe that there is a Heaven, a happy joyful place where our souls will remain for eternity.
No two people share the same idea of what heaven would be like, but everyone who believes in it probably has an idea of the first thing they'd do after entering the pearly gates.
Redditor WeDidItGuyz was curious to hear what would be top on everyone's list upon entering the afterlife, leading them to ask:
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"Probably cry for about 30 minutes because the biggest existential fear at the very core my humanity has now been lifted."
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"We arranged for a race but he was shot multiple times and bound to a wheelchair until he passed a few years ago."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But living with the idea that something wonderful awaits when our time has come is all people need to continue to live their lives to the fullest, and treat others with the respect and kindness they deserve.
"Fun facts" generally refers to a tidbit of information about a specific topic which the general public might not have otherwise known about.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
Redditor Alternative_kachocho was curious to hear some "fun facts" which were anything but fun, leading them to ask:
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Speaking from personal experience here, but your body can randomly decide to become allergic to damn near everything edible at any time."
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
"In some regions of Australia, 90 percent of koalas have chlamydia, which poses a threat to the species' extinction unless a vaccine is created or widespread koala culling takes place."- tiffanyjcrusekoalas kiss GIFGiphy
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"The giant tortoise was so delicious, it caused not only itself to be hunted to extinction, but also the dodo."
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Also, it was the perfect food for sailors at the time, as their bladders stored 1 litre of purified water, and they could survive without food in hibernation for almost a whole year in the hull of a ship."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"It was so delicious, they went unrecorded for a long time because expeditions to bring living samples of wildlife to Europe kept eating them on the way."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
"HOWEVER, one day, someone discovered if you cooked dodo meat in the more delicious tortoise fat, it tasted just like chicken."
"So now, sailors were hunting a few tortoises at a time for their fat and water, storing them, and then hunting dodos on the daily."
"Overhunting, plus the introduction of rats to the environment (because sailors) which would eat eggs, led go the population to decline at a rate they could not breed to keep up, leading to both animals going extinct."- Kyhan
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
"The person who had the first facial transplant had her face chewed up by her Labrador dog while asleep due to sleeping pill overdose." - User Deleted
It's hard not to read some of these "fun facts" and wonder if there should be an alternative term for the facts which aren't fun.
Oh yeah, probably not....