Punctuality matters, particularly when it comes to getting an education. That doesn't mean it's always possible, though.
Recently, this Reddit question has bee getting a lot of traction.
Teachers of Reddit, what was the best excuse for being late that turned out to be true?
And honestly, once you start reading people's responses it's plain to see why. These stories were bonkers. We've got a goat trying to ride the bus, we've got vigilantes, we've got a roving gang of chickens, and one shooter with very bad aim.
It's like a smorgasbord of ridiculosity and we love it.
More Important
A kid's apartment burned down overnight. He was a little late, but still came. He was 16 and could have helped them sort things out. Education was more important to them because AP exams were coming up.
- arcant12
Slugged
Giphy
Told me he got pulled over by the cops for wobbly driving on his bike and they thought he was drunk. Turned out he was just dodging all the slugs on the street.
Waiting On Death
One of my organ students told me he was late arriving for his lesson because he got stuck behind a lengthy funeral procession en route to the cemetery.
I knew he was telling the truth because I had played the organ for the service earlier that morning and the church was packed.
Brendan Took A Shortcut
This happened to me as a pupil; a very quiet, unassuming kid in our class came in to German with about five minutes of the class left.
We went to a Catholic school and the teachers were all quite strict and intimidating. Classes were usually silent, especially in junior school. When this boy came into class at the end of the lesson that day, the door flew inwards with such force that the teacher gave an audible gasp.
It had been raining heavily outside, his hair was plastered to his forehead. His blazer was dripping and sodden. He had mud caked into his trousers up to his knees, and he was breathing heavily.
The teacher exclaimed, 'Brendan! What happened?' We all stared up at him in shocked silence. This quiet, unassuming little boy let out a big sigh and just said, 'I took a shortcut.' And went straight to his seat.
That line became iconic in our school for years afterwards.
- Lestat85
Does Dad Count?
This was in College, student turned in work late after not showing up for two classes. Two classes amounted to a full week so it was noticeable.
Professor looked at him and said "I hope somebody died for you to be this late"
He retorted, "DOES MY DAD COUNT????"
Honestly I've always heard you can hear a pin drop and never really thought anything of it, but yeah you could hear a fcking pin cut through the air after that.
Vigilante Nights
Giphy
I'm an English professor, and one year a pretty good student showed up without one of his 2 major term papers. He explained that his safe had been stolen by a contractor who was working on their house. His laptop was in the safe, and that's where his paper was. I genuinely believe him because he been a really good student.
Then over the next few weeks, he started to show up to class looking very tired. He said that he was on a hunt for the person who stole his safe, and he was spending late nights with his cousin driving around looking for the guy because they knew his van.
Now, the student and his cousin were both recently back from tours in Iraq and had seen combat experience. They wanted to find the guy to beat the sh!t out of him and get the safe back because his wife's wedding ring was in the safe as well as a bunch of cash.
He rewrote the paper and turned it in, apologetic that it wasn't up to his usual quality, but he still kept coming to class looking like he hadn't slept.
After a little while he came very happy to my office hours, and he reported that he found the guy after a long search that involved breaking into a meth den shaking people down with baseball bats and even bribing some sex workers. He said that they found the guy's van at a Taco Bell after getting a tip, and they cornered him and waited for the police to come.
I read in the news that he had in fact done a citizen's arrest and stopped the guy at a Taco Bell, and that they ended up calling in the Secret Service because he used the cash that he stole from the safe to buy a bunch of counterfeiting equipment. Secret Service apparently investigates counterfeiting, so the whole investigation happened because this guy who I dub "the white Shaft" tracked the scumbag down through the bad side of town late at night to get a wedding ring, some cash, and his research paper back. It all turned out to be true. He got the ring and the laptop back. I gladly accepted his original paper, and it got a much higher grade than the rewrite.
Adulting
She had to take her sister to school and drive her mom to rehab. She was always late to class because her mom just wanted to sleep in. Problem was, if the mom was late or did not go she would have violated her probation and gone to prison. I never marked her late. If she missed anything important she could come in at lunch or after school to make it up.
- Rm156
A Really Social Goat
I was the student...my neighbor had a really social goat, and she figured out how to escape her pen in order to come over and hang out. She escaped and followed me to the bus stop, and when the bus came, she tried to follow me onto it. I couldn't actually get on the bus without her being right behind me, so I had to get off, bring her home, and call my dad to bring me to school.
- shoppy33
Friendly Fire
Not a student, but one of my Teaching Assistants when I ran a pre-school in West Philly... 'sorry I missed yesterday, my friend shot my mom'. Naturally, I'm a little speechless... 'oh no it's ok, he was AIMING FOR SOMEONE ELSE'
- Scoutnjw
Eight Is Enough
Student told me he couldn't do the work because he was delivering oil from 3PM until 11PM. In middle school. He wasn't lying.
Dad has broken his both of shoulders and one clavicle so his grandma and pregnant mom were "switching off driving" (pretty sure he was doing most of it at night) and he was hooking the tanks to the oil.
I called all his teachers and had his work load lightened and got permission for him to come in an hour late each day as he was providing the only income for his family of eight, as he was the oldest. Tutored him so he could pass seventh grade. I paid cost of oil only for years until I moved out of the area.
Chicken Gang
Giphy
When I was student teaching, I was late because there was bunch chickens in the middle of the road. They wouldn't move at all. This is in the middle of a city of 200,000 people. Freaking chickens.
I finally get to school and profusely apologize to my mentor teacher and I told her why I was late thinking it sounded ridiculous. She said, "yeah, those chickens are fcking a$$holes, they surrounded my car in the McDonalds parking lot last year. Dont worry about."
An Audible Gasp
Hmmm, I had a student whose father had died and had not done any homework or prep for the geography class, from what I heard the teacher scolded him for not doing so but the student didn't want to say anything (presumably sensitive issue) so his best friend shouted at the teacher "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SHAME, HIS FATHER DIED LAST NIGHT" and the teacher said "I don't care", there was an audible gasp and I was in the next room.
Needless to say that teacher is no longer employed here.
- 19you1
Hit And Run
I'm not a teacher. I was the late student.
I was constantly late to a class my senior year of high school. I had depression and was on a 504 plan as a result. For this reason I was allowed some extra time in the hallways before class to recover from the mental stress of being in a class, etc. It was super helpful and yes, a pretty weird 504 plan!
One time I was running late and witnessed a car hit a pedestrian crossing the road, severely injuring him, and the car drove away. My brother, who was into cars, recognized the car and identified it to me as our neighbor- who was also in my first period class. I stopped to help the pedestrian, also a student at the school, because I had some first aid/lifeguard training. I called him an ambulance and waited for it to show up. I also called the school and told them that he would be going to the hospital. Yep, pretty nice of me.
When I got to school my brother and I went down to the front office to get a note for tardiness. The admin I called was waiting for us. He thanked me, gave me a note, and told me to tell the teacher that if there were any questions, to call him. My brother told him about the car that he had recognized and that we knew the driver and who that person was. We both went to our classes.
I got to first period late again and my teacher didn't even want to hear my excuse. I pressed the note into her hand and told her the story anyway. The driver of the car was sitting in the back of the classroom with a guilty look on her face. She looked scared stiff.
When my teacher wouldn't stop giving me sh!t for my "lie" I gave up and waited for justice to take its course. For the record, I never lied when I came to class late, I always told the truth- I slept late. I never invoked my 504 plan for that particular class, even though my teacher knew about it and would be forced to accept it.
Halfway through class the administrator entered with the School Resource Officer and informed my teacher that the student needed to come with him right now for a hit and run. He saw that I was sitting there and thanked me again for my help and for putting another person's needs above my own.
Man, it was nice to help that kid but it was really nice to see my teacher's face go from disgusted at the driver to shocked and disgusted when she realized my story was true.
40 Laps
One kid was always late to basketball practice. The coach's rule was that for every minute you are late you run a lap after practice.
The kid's car ran out of gas in the parking lot on the other side of the school. Instead of leaving it and running to practice, he put it in neutral and pushed it himself to the other side where the gym was.
He was 40 minutes late for practice! That's 40 laps of a 3-ball court gymnasium! We calculated how many miles it was but I can't remember.
Picture pushing your car by yourself for 40 minutes, then a full basketball practice (basically 2 hours of running and drills with a few breaks) and then jogging a few miles after everyone is left and THEN using a pay phone to call your parents to collect you.
A few of us waited around to give him a ride.
The Investigation
Not a teacher, but when I was in elementary school, my bus driver hit someone on a bicycle. We all had to stay on the bus for about three hours until the investigation was over.
Surrounded
Giphy
I'm the kid in this scenario, I was in around 6th grade when my mom was driving me to school, and this herd of deer just runs into the middle of the road a d surrounds us, we were stuck for around 45 minutes.
- ichaen
"Tail" As Old As Time
I was the student. I put a pack of beef jerky in my bag in middle school to take to lunch and when I woke up in the morning my dog had ripped through my bag to get to the beef jerky, so my dog literally ate my homework.
Oasis in the desert? No thank you.
"Dubai."
"Why and whats special about it?"
"Its a modern city in a desert."- Maximum_Calendar_791.
"Dubai."
"A fake city with fake people, no human rights, where the world's tallest buildings hide corruption and slavery in their shadows."
"It's like someone decided to take every problem of mankind and concentrate it in one spot."- PayNoNoticeOfMe.
"Dubai one i think it is ugly two I would die in two minutes of me being there I can't stand anything above 40 c°."- BookWormPerson.
One of the seven wonders is one too many for me.
"The pyramids. "
"Too many horror stories of Egypt."- Aemiom.
Landlocked.
"Not really a destination, but taking a cruise."- Shortbus_Playboy.
cruise ship vacation GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphyMountains aren't really my thing.
"Everest."
"Just why."
"You use a bunch of money to get in there them come down."
"And trash your whole way there. It's literally a corner in the Earth insufferable for humans and we still made a way to go there to trash it."- ACLullaby.
It's in my own backyard... but still not interested.
"I have lived about 15km away from the Burj Khalifa ever since it was made."
"I could not care any less besides the occasional pointing out the 'shiny tall building' to my nieces.- legolosss.
The pictures are enough for me.
"Mount Rushmore."
"Friends who've made the journey to Mount Rushmore mostly say it was no big deal and not worth the effort or expense to travel there."- Back2Bach.
States Selfie GIF by Ethan BarnowskyGiphyHustle and Bustle? No thanks.
"Anything busy.'
"Whether it's cities, structures, I don't care."
"I'd rather go to a boring empty quiet place than a place full of people."- TheSmeep.
They're watching us.
"That creepy a** place in Japan with all the realistic dolls."
"No thank you."
dolly dearest horror GIF by absurdnoiseGiphySome dream of paying a visit to these places.
Others hope they never have to set foot there, and will choose to leave it to the other millions of tourists.
To each, their own.
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And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"
Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
– sarahmagoo
Sci-Fi Analogy
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
– WitnessChemical
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
– nixcamic
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
About 45
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
– empfindsamkeit
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
– ilovecatfish
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
Double Negative
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
– HabitualEnthusiast
Credibility First
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
– Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
It Depends
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
– alyssasaccount
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
– StarsEatArtBooks
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
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I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?
Wind Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
fatowl
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
SatanWithFur
“It’s Doug!”
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
scarletohairy
Confused...
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
JtSudbury04
I See You
Staring I See You GIF by QuikTripGiphy"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
HighlyOffensive10
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"
Season 5 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
Th4ab
Wild
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
SilverGnarwhal
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
smriversong
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
SomeRandomIdiot14
Meow
Happy Cat GIF by ChubbiverseGiphy"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
LairdofWingHaven
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
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The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
Minutes...
death GIFGiphy"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
will477
'locked-in'
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
4oodler
Explosions
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
ToraMix19
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
aliaisacreature
Pain
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
TelevisionOlympics
Functions
animation art GIFGiphy"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
tonythebutcher13
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
Basketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
Black_Handkerchief
The Mouth
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
Dorianisconfused
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
squatter_
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
LostDesigner9
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
Unsolicited_Spiders
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
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