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Teachers Share The Best Excuse A Student Has Ever Given For Their Lateness

Punctuality matters, particularly when it comes to getting an education. That doesn't mean it's always possible, though.


Recently, this Reddit question has bee getting a lot of traction.

Teachers of Reddit, what was the best excuse for being late that turned out to be true?

And honestly, once you start reading people's responses it's plain to see why. These stories were bonkers. We've got a goat trying to ride the bus, we've got vigilantes, we've got a roving gang of chickens, and one shooter with very bad aim.

It's like a smorgasbord of ridiculosity and we love it.

More Important

A kid's apartment burned down overnight. He was a little late, but still came. He was 16 and could have helped them sort things out. Education was more important to them because AP exams were coming up.

- arcant12

Slugged

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Told me he got pulled over by the cops for wobbly driving on his bike and they thought he was drunk. Turned out he was just dodging all the slugs on the street.

- Fortisvol

Waiting On Death

One of my organ students told me he was late arriving for his lesson because he got stuck behind a lengthy funeral procession en route to the cemetery.

I knew he was telling the truth because I had played the organ for the service earlier that morning and the church was packed.

- Back2Bach

Brendan Took A Shortcut

This happened to me as a pupil; a very quiet, unassuming kid in our class came in to German with about five minutes of the class left.

We went to a Catholic school and the teachers were all quite strict and intimidating. Classes were usually silent, especially in junior school. When this boy came into class at the end of the lesson that day, the door flew inwards with such force that the teacher gave an audible gasp.

It had been raining heavily outside, his hair was plastered to his forehead. His blazer was dripping and sodden. He had mud caked into his trousers up to his knees, and he was breathing heavily.

The teacher exclaimed, 'Brendan! What happened?' We all stared up at him in shocked silence. This quiet, unassuming little boy let out a big sigh and just said, 'I took a shortcut.' And went straight to his seat.

That line became iconic in our school for years afterwards.

- Lestat85

Does Dad Count? 

This was in College, student turned in work late after not showing up for two classes. Two classes amounted to a full week so it was noticeable.

Professor looked at him and said "I hope somebody died for you to be this late"

He retorted, "DOES MY DAD COUNT????"

Honestly I've always heard you can hear a pin drop and never really thought anything of it, but yeah you could hear a fcking pin cut through the air after that.

- whereegosdare84

Vigilante Nights

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I'm an English professor, and one year a pretty good student showed up without one of his 2 major term papers. He explained that his safe had been stolen by a contractor who was working on their house. His laptop was in the safe, and that's where his paper was. I genuinely believe him because he been a really good student.

Then over the next few weeks, he started to show up to class looking very tired. He said that he was on a hunt for the person who stole his safe, and he was spending late nights with his cousin driving around looking for the guy because they knew his van.

Now, the student and his cousin were both recently back from tours in Iraq and had seen combat experience. They wanted to find the guy to beat the sh!t out of him and get the safe back because his wife's wedding ring was in the safe as well as a bunch of cash.

He rewrote the paper and turned it in, apologetic that it wasn't up to his usual quality, but he still kept coming to class looking like he hadn't slept.

After a little while he came very happy to my office hours, and he reported that he found the guy after a long search that involved breaking into a meth den shaking people down with baseball bats and even bribing some sex workers. He said that they found the guy's van at a Taco Bell after getting a tip, and they cornered him and waited for the police to come.

I read in the news that he had in fact done a citizen's arrest and stopped the guy at a Taco Bell, and that they ended up calling in the Secret Service because he used the cash that he stole from the safe to buy a bunch of counterfeiting equipment. Secret Service apparently investigates counterfeiting, so the whole investigation happened because this guy who I dub "the white Shaft" tracked the scumbag down through the bad side of town late at night to get a wedding ring, some cash, and his research paper back. It all turned out to be true. He got the ring and the laptop back. I gladly accepted his original paper, and it got a much higher grade than the rewrite.

- kidnuggett606

Adulting

She had to take her sister to school and drive her mom to rehab. She was always late to class because her mom just wanted to sleep in. Problem was, if the mom was late or did not go she would have violated her probation and gone to prison. I never marked her late. If she missed anything important she could come in at lunch or after school to make it up.

- Rm156

A Really Social Goat

I was the student...my neighbor had a really social goat, and she figured out how to escape her pen in order to come over and hang out. She escaped and followed me to the bus stop, and when the bus came, she tried to follow me onto it. I couldn't actually get on the bus without her being right behind me, so I had to get off, bring her home, and call my dad to bring me to school.

- shoppy33

Friendly Fire

Not a student, but one of my Teaching Assistants when I ran a pre-school in West Philly... 'sorry I missed yesterday, my friend shot my mom'. Naturally, I'm a little speechless... 'oh no it's ok, he was AIMING FOR SOMEONE ELSE'

- Scoutnjw

Eight Is Enough

Student told me he couldn't do the work because he was delivering oil from 3PM until 11PM. In middle school. He wasn't lying.

Dad has broken his both of shoulders and one clavicle so his grandma and pregnant mom were "switching off driving" (pretty sure he was doing most of it at night) and he was hooking the tanks to the oil.

I called all his teachers and had his work load lightened and got permission for him to come in an hour late each day as he was providing the only income for his family of eight, as he was the oldest. Tutored him so he could pass seventh grade. I paid cost of oil only for years until I moved out of the area.

- backaritagain

Chicken Gang

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When I was student teaching, I was late because there was bunch chickens in the middle of the road. They wouldn't move at all. This is in the middle of a city of 200,000 people. Freaking chickens.

I finally get to school and profusely apologize to my mentor teacher and I told her why I was late thinking it sounded ridiculous. She said, "yeah, those chickens are fcking a$$holes, they surrounded my car in the McDonalds parking lot last year. Dont worry about."

- Makenshine

An Audible Gasp

Hmmm, I had a student whose father had died and had not done any homework or prep for the geography class, from what I heard the teacher scolded him for not doing so but the student didn't want to say anything (presumably sensitive issue) so his best friend shouted at the teacher "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SHAME, HIS FATHER DIED LAST NIGHT" and the teacher said "I don't care", there was an audible gasp and I was in the next room.

Needless to say that teacher is no longer employed here.

- 19you1

Hit And Run

I'm not a teacher. I was the late student.

I was constantly late to a class my senior year of high school. I had depression and was on a 504 plan as a result. For this reason I was allowed some extra time in the hallways before class to recover from the mental stress of being in a class, etc. It was super helpful and yes, a pretty weird 504 plan!

One time I was running late and witnessed a car hit a pedestrian crossing the road, severely injuring him, and the car drove away. My brother, who was into cars, recognized the car and identified it to me as our neighbor- who was also in my first period class. I stopped to help the pedestrian, also a student at the school, because I had some first aid/lifeguard training. I called him an ambulance and waited for it to show up. I also called the school and told them that he would be going to the hospital. Yep, pretty nice of me.

When I got to school my brother and I went down to the front office to get a note for tardiness. The admin I called was waiting for us. He thanked me, gave me a note, and told me to tell the teacher that if there were any questions, to call him. My brother told him about the car that he had recognized and that we knew the driver and who that person was. We both went to our classes.

I got to first period late again and my teacher didn't even want to hear my excuse. I pressed the note into her hand and told her the story anyway. The driver of the car was sitting in the back of the classroom with a guilty look on her face. She looked scared stiff.


When my teacher wouldn't stop giving me sh!t for my "lie" I gave up and waited for justice to take its course. For the record, I never lied when I came to class late, I always told the truth- I slept late. I never invoked my 504 plan for that particular class, even though my teacher knew about it and would be forced to accept it.

Halfway through class the administrator entered with the School Resource Officer and informed my teacher that the student needed to come with him right now for a hit and run. He saw that I was sitting there and thanked me again for my help and for putting another person's needs above my own.

Man, it was nice to help that kid but it was really nice to see my teacher's face go from disgusted at the driver to shocked and disgusted when she realized my story was true.

- TheFork101

40 Laps

One kid was always late to basketball practice. The coach's rule was that for every minute you are late you run a lap after practice.

The kid's car ran out of gas in the parking lot on the other side of the school. Instead of leaving it and running to practice, he put it in neutral and pushed it himself to the other side where the gym was.

He was 40 minutes late for practice! That's 40 laps of a 3-ball court gymnasium! We calculated how many miles it was but I can't remember.

Picture pushing your car by yourself for 40 minutes, then a full basketball practice (basically 2 hours of running and drills with a few breaks) and then jogging a few miles after everyone is left and THEN using a pay phone to call your parents to collect you.

A few of us waited around to give him a ride.

- kernsomatic

The Investigation

Not a teacher, but when I was in elementary school, my bus driver hit someone on a bicycle. We all had to stay on the bus for about three hours until the investigation was over.

- jward1111

Surrounded

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I'm the kid in this scenario, I was in around 6th grade when my mom was driving me to school, and this herd of deer just runs into the middle of the road a d surrounds us, we were stuck for around 45 minutes.

- ichaen

"Tail" As Old As Time

I was the student. I put a pack of beef jerky in my bag in middle school to take to lunch and when I woke up in the morning my dog had ripped through my bag to get to the beef jerky, so my dog literally ate my homework.

- YaBoiNebula935

People Reveal The Most Shocking Secrets Someone's Ever Told Them

One Redditor asked: 'What's the most shocking secret someone has revealed to you?'

Woman shushing camera by putting a finger to her lips
Kristina Flour/Unsplash

CW: addiction, death, abuse.

Everyone has secrets they'll take with them to their graves.

But some clandestine info is so hard to contain, that it can cause stress and anxiety until some of the pressure is alleviated.

You might be the person who was sworn to secrecy to share some of that burden.

But are you to be trusted to aid your secret-sharer in keeping their secrets?

Curious to hear from strangers online who have a tough time keeping some of the most jaw-dropping intel to themselves, Redditor HardDeep69420 asked:

"What's the most shocking secret someone has revealed to you?"

Knowing that a friend or family has suffered has haunted these Redditors.

A Painful Truth

"In the 70’s, my cousin died in a car crash that caught fire. I was very afraid that he was awake and felt the fire. My parents said he died immediately and didn’t suffer. My mother was on hospice at home in 2011. She told me the firemen were trying to open the doors and My cousin and the other teens were screaming for help when the cars caught fire. There were no survivors and my Aunt was never the same. It wasn’t until after his death that the jaws of life were distributed to our rural departments."

– Tkay906363

A Tough Call

"When I was 11 I had a friend reveal that her stepmother was abusing her... she made me promise not to say anything to my mom or any other adult. I agreed, we had weekly therapy sessions with a guidance counselor if you wanted it so it was my day to go and I just felt like I needed to tell… so I did. The counselor ended up reporting it and CPS got involved and my friend was made to live with her mother. She was so angry at me for telling but I felt it in my soul that I should. We are still friends to this day.. both of us 29 years old."

– SubstantialLove8330

"Sometimes you have to decide between your friend and your friendship. It sounds like you made the right choice."

– ALawful_Chaos

The Evil Of Addiction

"That he watched his son die of an overdose and didn’t do anything to help. He told me that his son had battled addictions for many years and that he had called an ambulance in the past when his son had overdosed, but that he thought it was better this time to 'just let him go since he made his choice.'"

– Ok-Associate-7894

The Ex And Her Health Issue

"I had an old girlfriend who was coming to Florida and wanted to hang out with me and my wife, she brought her mom, who I knew pretty well. A great dinner, drinks, fun stories, then when my ex went to the bathroom, the mom told me she (the ex) was dying of cancer. (I had No idea). It was sad, but yet felt so good she wanted to hang out. She died within a year. We were probably 35 years old at the time."

– waistingtoomuchtime

"You know..people will read this and grasp the sadness of the end but, on the other hand, your ex reached out and wanted to share some of her remaining time with you ..and your wife...clearly, your time together was special to her regardless of how it ended. You still had a warm place in her heart for you. That's actually quite awesome. I know you know that. Your wife is very lucky."

– Impressive-Doughnut7

Life will never be the same after Redditors found out about these long-hidden family secrets.

What The Fork?!

"When I was 16, my Mom announced at dinner that her sister was coming for a visit next week. I dropped my fork and said 'YOU HAVE A SISTER?'”

–Initial_lampwick115

"I had this: age 11 driving up to Scotland with my parents and we stopped off at a tiny town, walked into the big hotel, then got introduced to my uncle. My mum's brother. Hadn't existed before then and only came out of the woodwork because my grandpa died shortly before (they didn't get on). It was a weird shock but also an 'OK cool, life goes on' moment."

– slinkychameleon

Extended Family

"I'm 56 now but at some point in my early 40s while driving with my dad he says 'you have a half brother somewhere.'"

– ridobe

"My dad pulled this sh*t on me when I went to my grandfather's celebration of life. Picked me up from the train station, asked me if I knew about his new wife (I did) and their daughter, born six years before my mom died of cancer (they never divorced). Then had the guts to follow it up with a request to FaceTime them that night because they wanted to meet me, because "[he] never kept his family a secret... from them." It took a while for me to get over that."

– toujourspret

Invisible Husband

"I found out my mother and father were not divorced. He never existed. She had a one-night stand, found out she was pregnant, bought a wedding ring, changed her name, and told the family that she had gotten married. She made up excuses every time she went to my grandparent's house as to why her husband couldn’t also be there to meet them. On the 3rd visit, my grandfather told her never to wear that ring in his house again and when is the baby due? I’m 53."

– Traditional_Jicama72

Why The Nun Made Weekly Visits

"I found out my parents weren't married when I was 14, and my parents had a massive row after my dad was caught by the police with a sex worker. My mum blurted it out to me along with the reason why they were arguing. I'm 50. Up til then, they pretended.. when my Catholic secondary school asked for a marriage certificate as part of my screening for the school, they sent a letter to the priest confidentially... I still got in. Explains why from birth until 11, a Catholic nun would visit my parents every weekend, probably to ensure my soul was intact, lol."

– PidginPigeonHole

Things get sinister.

A Murder Confession

"Casually dropped they’d killed someone then got really quiet about it. Like, sad quiet. Sounds like there was a case surrounding the ordeal but could never get them to talk about it more and I didn’t want to push."

– lil-kingtrashm0uth

Dodging A Bullet

"My ex casual dropped he killed someone also. He was a lot more loud about it when he was upset with me though. 'I’ve killed for less'. I know the whole story, or both of them. The one he tells people, and the one he told me. Either way. He’s a scary man, and I would never wish to be near him again."

– Skyecatcher

One of the hardest positions to be in is when a friend tells you that they've cheated on their significant other, whom you also know.

This happened to me.

Keeping the privileged information was agonizing as I feigned ignorance whenever I hung out with the couple or with the person who had been cheated on.

Eventually, the pair broke up as the affair came to light through no involvement by me.

The truth always has a way of surfacing, after all.

Would you rely on that to happen, or would you intervene?

When is it okay to betray the person who entrusted you with their secret?

We all have brands or companies that we might admire from afar (or at the very least via their website or catalog), but know we will likely never shop there ourselves.

For the simple reason that their products and merchandise are simply out of our price range.

As a result, we may find ourselves like Holly Golightly at Tiffany's while window shopping, but never actually making a purchase.

However, there are some brands that are so luxurious, that even catalog or window shopping is out of the question.

As they are not only luxurious but also exclusive, only a certain few even know of their existence.

Redditor Halyycon10 was curious to learn about any and all of the luxury brands that cater exclusively to the wealthiest people on earth, leading them to ask:

"What are the 'quiet' luxury brands that only the super rich know about?"

Allow Me To Take You Upstairs...

"An Italian friend arranged a visit to a Murano glass gallery."

"After the general public cleared out of the public showroom, the gallery's people took us up some stairs to the 'real deal' gallery with shelves full of breathtaking art pieces."

"We admired one vase on a shelf, but were told that it would never be offered for sale -- it was too important as part of the island's legacy & heritage."

"I think that the way we zeroed in on it somehow convinced them that we were top art dealers "'in stealth mode'."

"For the rest of the afternoon, we were treated like VIPs."

"What a day that was...."-- funhousefrankenstein

Uncharted Territory

"I work in the Luxury Travel industry."

"I know quite a few."

"Exclusive Resorts is an invite-only membership club for very high-end travel."

"They don’t post their prices online, but I know people that work there."

"They have personal cell phone numbers for people like Jeff Bezos, Waltons, and people that live at that stratospheric titan of industry level."

"Their cheapest membership package is $100,000 to join, and can run up to $250,000."

"That’s just the price to join the club."

"You have to pay for any travel you want to book on top of that."

"They have a $600M portfolio of properties they own throughout the world, that only their members have access to."

"Want to guarantee availability for a finish-line view villa in Monaco during the Grand Prix?"

"Want to get a ski-in cabin next to the Walton’s cabin in Aspen over Christmas?"

"Want a luxury penthouse in Paris during fashion week?"

"These are your guys."

"They cap their membership at 3,000 people, so you may have to wait for a long time until you can get in."

"Another interesting one: White Desert is your tour operator of choice if you want a private expedition with your buddies to the South Pole."

"Their packages can run $100,000+ per person for a private jet to their base camp on the Antarctica plateau and then another custom-build ski-plane transfer to their camp on the South Pole."- El_mochilero

Giphy

Nothing More Valuable Than A Good Night's Sleep...

"Duxiana."

"For people who can buy a mattress that costs as much as a car."- Hot-Dress-3369

A Perfect Fit...

"Tailors on Saville Row."

"Wealthy people get their clothes custom made."- mecyh

Nothing To Give It Away...

"I had a rich friend once tell me that Gucci is what poor people think rich people wear."

"Since then I noticed that all of her clothes fit perfect, but she never has logos on anything."- hoptownky

gucci GIFGiphy

These Boots Might NOT Be Made For Walking...

"John Lobb bootmaker in St James."

"Make beautiful handmade shoes for royalty, celebrities and rich types."

"They are well known but not a household name."- queenirv

Free For All...

"I used to be of the opinion that really wealthy people wore stuff that you wouldn't really notice, but disappointingly (having spent some time around folks with extreme wealth recently), the true answer is just: whatever the hell they like."

"If someone really liked branded gear before they were wealthy, you'd better believe they're going to be dressed like Ali G once they make it big."- AvaRCordero

Pay Up To Dress Down...

"Jeff Goldblum was on the Conan podcast and talked about where he got his jeans."

"It was from this hard-to-find shop in New York that not many people had heard of.

Come to find out, not surprisingly, their jeans are insanely expensive, and only the very rich could afford them." - Reddit

Jeans Pants GIF by Post MaloneGiphy

For All Your Million Dollar Needs...

"Buy a copy of The Robb Report magazine at a bookstore and marvel at the insane ads in the back for private jets, yacht brokers, military level trained personal protection Belgian Malinois guardian dogs, personal protection security firms staffed by former US Secret Service and retired Tier 1 operators only in their early 40s and fit with 20 years experience, and even crazier stuff."

"Pfft buying a $400 pair of jeans is pedestrian when you have Taylor Swift money and roll in 2 fully armored Escalades and are escorted on errands by a phalanx of guys in black polo shirts and jeans who have been places and done things in sandy countries that are still classified."- scots

Cruisin...

"Amels."

"They are one of the best super yacht manufacturers in the world with over 100 years of experience."- theassassintherapist

Before You Show Off That Logo...

"Almost all of the well known luxury brands have several lines. "

"The ones with logos all over them are typically the cheapest (I’m looking at you LV, Gucci) etc. which is why they’re so common."

"The same companies will have more exclusive lines that are much more expensive, usually more classic in style, and they’re not covered in logos, so you’d never know what brand they are unless you’re really into that kind of thing."

"For example, my wife wanted to buy me a nice wallet, so we went to the LV shop."

"I liked one that had no logo on the exterior of it, just simple grey leather, and it cost twice as much as the ones with 'LV' stamped all over them."- ToothbrushGames

Black Friday Christmas GIF by FOX TVGiphy

People Go Nuts For Interior Design

"Zuber & Co."

"Crazy expensive wallpaper and room dividers/panels."

"I love old rococo and baroque things so happed to walk by their store in NYC."

"Stopped in due to the patterns and quickly realized I do in-fact NOT have thousands of dollars per ft for wallpaper."

"For example $5,000 - $30,000 per panel."- Reddit

It's About Time

"When I met my wife she worked selling high end watches."

"Talking about it on our first date I said ‘oh like Rolex and stuff?’"

"She said ‘Rolex customers are just new money, drug dealers and old men'."

"'If people contact us wanting one we just direct them to a watch shop'."

"Then rattled off a list of about 10 makers I’d never heard of which her international clients would fly here just to try on."

"I was wearing a Luminox at the time which I thought was pretty badass but all of a sudden I felt like a kid running around with that gadget from Ben 10."- StrangledByTheAux

As the saying goes, "if you have to ask, you can't afford it!"

Though it must be said, there is also absolutely NOTHING wrong with shopping for watches at a watch shop.


A cucumber, sits along side measuring tape.
Photo by charlesdeluvio

The human body is an amazing thing.

It is capable of far more than we ever thought possible.

When studying anatomy we really should start doing a deeper dive into all the parts of the body.

Each organ and limb has a story and function that we never really learn about.

Redditor NorthPengyyy wanted to discuss... the penis, so they asked:

"What are some fun facts about the penis?"

Don't Die

"Fun fact - the erection happens when blood enters the penis, the main "structure" of the penis hardens and expands (obviously), but by doing so it presses the Veins and blocks them. Meaning - the blood comes but doesn't go out of the organ, thus keeping it erect for too long. This is why erections over 6 hours are dangerous because the blood blockage is for too long of a time and the penis can die due to lack of oxygen. I hope it was interesting."

SoapBubble3

Outaries

"The seam on your testicle sack is where your proto vagina sealed up while you were in the womb."

melonsquared

"So testicles are just ovaries that are outaries?"

datazulu

"Literally yes. They all start as gonads in your abdomen. Girls’ gonads stay and turn into ovaries. Boy’s gonads descend and become testes. It’s why, when you take a hit to the balls, it hurts all the way back up in your stomach and can make you nauseated. Boys still have innervated back up to where the gonads first developed."

SpartySoup

SNAP!

Schitts Creek Pain GIF by CBCGiphy

"It can break like a glow stick if it slips out while a girl is on top and slams back down on it."

Artistic_Marzipan221

De-boned

"Most animals have a 'penis bone' which allows for instant erections, however, humans do not have this bone. The cause is thought to be because without the bone, courtship, arousal, and mating is a longer affair therefore leading to increased intimacy and pair bonding. The penis is literally made for love."

nailbunny2000

Prehensile

Nat Geo Adventure GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy

"An elephant's penis is prehensile, like its trunk. It can be used to pick up objects."

Sea-Woodpecker-610

How come only elephants were granted this gift?

Frozen

Polar Bears GIF by Nature on PBSGiphy

"Being stressed out, exhausted, and cold makes it smaller. So the smallest penis in the world should belong to a man being chased by a polar bear in the Arctic."

Electrical_Age_336

Wait, what?

"I remember watching a weird YouTube documentary about a spider (in Australia of course) whose bite gives you a forever erection."

JMthought

It Just happens

"Just because it's erect DOES NOT mean the person is horny/aroused."

Spartan0536

"I recently learned that clenching other muscles is a good way to get rid of an erection. The bigger the muscle, the better, so clenching your butt is a good way to go. Apparently, it’s because it causes more blood to go to the clenched muscle. More blood to the muscle = less blood to the penis."

phatcat9000

"I'm quite anxious all the time. When I'm just chilling with nothing else to do, I reach a point of relaxation and I get erections, I'm not aroused or anything, I'm just chilling and it seems that my body approves of my time off I guess."

chifrijoconbirra

Be Smart

"There is a ligament at the base of the penis that causes the penis to rise when it becomes erect. This is what causes a bulge etc."

"Some people have stupidly made the decision to have this ligament cut. This is because it adds a few inches of length to the erect penis. However, it will just hang down. Do. Not. Do. This. It is a stupid thing to do."

phatcat9000

Data Entry

information GIFGiphy

"A single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information. One ejaculation represents roughly a data transfer of 15,875 GB equivalent to the combined capacity of 62 MacBook Pro laptops."

Nijinsky_84

Well, the penis is far more interesting than we thought.

Isn't it?

Do you have any interesting tidbits to add? Let us know in the comments.

man in car holding a lot of American money

Brock Wegner on Unsplash

"I work all night, I work all day to pay the bills I have to pay
Ain't it sad?
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That's too bad"~ "Money, Money, Money" ABBA

Money is either the root of all evil or the key to happiness, largely depending on whether you have any.

So how do people with money get it? One method is a job that pays the bills.

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