Stop Taylor

Teacher, Taylor's face is making me sick and he won't look away from me.

Stop looking at him and take your damn nap.

raketheleavespls

"I hear you..."

"He said a bad word!"

"I'm standing right next to him and I didn't hear anything."

"Well, I can read his mind."

pretzel90210

In a similar vein, when I was 9 or 10 my teacher sent me to the principal's office for swearing, and he called my mom to pick me up for the day because he didn't believe me when I said I didn't use any bad words.

My mom marched me to my teacher's classroom and wanted to know what I said, because she also thought I was lying.

My teacher was very serious and explained how utterly disgusted she was when I said "dang" in her classroom.

Yup. Dang. My mom was not at all happy the situation.

Unhinged_Goose

Not the C! 

Little girls runs up to me at recess and says another girl called her the C word. I was thinking, "Oh no, not the C word." I explained that she was just going to have to tell me exactly what the other girl called her. She said she called her "coochie." Not at all what I was thinking.

OleBackseat

SNITCH!

In second grade my friend told the class tattle tale that he was a snitch. And the kid stood right up out of his desk and yelled to the teacher "HE CALLED ME A SNITCH, I AM NOT A SNITCH." And my friend said "you're doing it right now, stupid." And it was all during a silent reading time and it was super quiet up until that point.

StatisticianDry5216

Tongues Out

I had a student (2nd grade) that would stick her tongue out just a little when she was concentrating. One day during silent reading another kid came to tell me she was being rude to him. I explained she wasn't and it was just something she did when she was thinking really hard. His response was, "Well I don't like it," to which I replied, "Well then don't look at her." He was all kinds of upset but stopped complaining.

lame_hurricane

Oh the Intensity

I was a summer camp counselor (18 years old) at the time. A boy (we'll call him Brian) about 13-14 years old came up to another counselor and I almost crying.

He complained younger kids (4-5 boys about 10-11years old) were teasing him because of how he ran. Brian claimed (lied) his gym teacher told him "humans run faster by not using their arms."

We asked him if he could demonstrate his "superior human ability" and show us this run. He literally ran like a Naruto ninja, and looked absolutely ridiculous... we had to fight hard to hold back the laughs. We told the younger kids to stop teasing him, but also suggested Brian his "gym teacher" may be wrong.

Whatever you are picturing, magnify the insanity by 10. It was like he learned how to run watching only Napoleon Dynamite and Naruto.

EDIT: tried to make it easier to read. Thank you all so much for the upvotes, I usually just lurk, so this is my highest rated comment ever. I know it's not much, but it motivates me to contribute more. Thank you.

emc86

Scribble Away

"He took a pen from the drawer and not a pencil!"

This was after I told my 17 year old students to grab a pencil and paper because we were going to do notes that day. I have no rules about pens not being used, I just didn't say the more generic 'writing utensil'. And the student who tattled wasn't on the spectrum and wasn't normally super literal.

valaranias

Stand Down

When I was a substitute teacher a kid told on me to the principal.

I had made the okay sign with my hand at about chest level. This is the same sign that if placed below the waist and someone sees they get to punch you.

This kid told the principal she thought I was going to punch her.

Chippothy

Erase it Please

In 7th grade, I still had no idea what a swastika was. A Jewish friend was explaining it to me and had me draw it out. After I drew it in exact detail to what he said to do, he immediately got up and told the teacher I was drawing swastikas. I tried to erase it but the damage was done.

I got a weeks detention on lunch for that crap. Even after I explained what happened.

Phinalizer

Toy Times

I'm not a teacher but I did work in a school environment in the past and I'll never forget the time a kid came up to me furiously upset that his friend stole his toy.... Seems relatively fair right?...

Until about 5 to 10 minutes later, when I finally calmed him down enough to discover that this supposed "toy" was an imaginary made up one...

REALLY?! Like you just can't imagine up a second one, or a few hundred spares? Turns out imaginary toy politics are quite strict.

Jessi-Kina

Just Suffocate

For breathing too loudly. Grade 4. I wanted to just walk away for good.

kyrahfoxx

Honestly, that's fair. Someone loudly breathing can be hell. And it could have felt impossible for that kid to focus on their work.

OneWork9

Bad Flavor....

Miiiiiiiissssssss.... The girl in front of me in the line won't stop saying mint. He was correct, she was indeed repeating the word mint...

xmiss_sparklesx

Here Kitty kitty....

Not a teacher, but way back in kindergarten I had a girl who sat next to me who hated my freaking guts. And she was a tattletale too.

Everyday in class, it would always be something like "TheatreKitty is looking at me! TheatreKitty is putting her notebook on my side of the desk!" It didn't help that I was a huge crybaby and would burst into tears when she told on me. She really screwed me up.

Theatre_Kitty22

Wash Up! 

"Miiisssss, they're teasing me because they're saying I sneezed and got snot everywhere and didn't wash my hands and now they're saying I have the lurgy and they don't want to touch my pencils."

"Well I did see you sneeze. Did you wash your hands?"

"No..."

"I don't think I can help you here... go and wash your hands."

Euffy

Maggots Rule

Not a teacher but when I was a kid I was in an argument with my best friend.

He went home crying to his parents because I had called him a 'mighty maggot'

His parents asked why I would call him that.

'Because I called him that first' he responded.

Cue his dad calling me 'mighty maggot' for the rest of our friendship!

love_love_kiss_kiss

Need that Peach....

Teaching 4th Grade I had to deal with an inconsolably crying child attempting to explain some traumatic event he was dealing with. Turns out Brian had said that Roblox was bad.

Another time teaching year 2, I had to move a child away from a group of girls as they were calling him gay. After moving him and having serious words with the group I noticed him sitting back on the mean girls' table.

Reason? He needed his peach crayon.

D1SCOFUDGE

Crazy so young....

This is a true story. These were two 7th graders, a boy and girl.

Girl: sir i don't like how this boy is looking at me.

Boy: I am literally sitting at the back of the class.

The two were sitting at opposite ends of the class and couldn't make eye contact unless the girl completely turns around. Anyway girl stabs the boy with a pencil and made him bleed like crazy.

god_of_thunder08

How old are we?

Not sure if this qualifies:

I had a student who always left class twenty minutes before the end. I had another student come to talk to me about this, like "I don't know if you've noticed, but this guy always leaves before the end."

So, two points about this:

This was an LSAT prep course. Everyone involved are adults, and it's a 100% voluntary course. If the dude wants to leave, OK, he leaves.

Also... he'd spoken to me beforehand. He had a solid medical reason for leaving early, and I'd email him with the stuff he was missing.

I was just pretty shocked at this 20-something trying to tell on another 20-something for truancy.

varsil

I'm Choo-Chooed Out! 

I teach first grade. I had 2 boys that loved to irritate one another. The one boy, L kept saying "trains, trains, trains" over and over again. The other boy - B, kept telling him to stop it.

L moved across the room and stared at B. B stared back and then L yelled "do you know what I'm saying in my mind?" B interrupted my lesson yelling "L won't stop thinking about trains!" It took over 10 minutes to get them to knock it off. Longest year of my life.

estau329

So Smeggy....

My son grew up watching Red Dwarf. I got a call from his 2nd grade teacher that he had called a classmate a "smeg head." The teacher told me "I don't even know what that means but wanted to tell you about it."

erinwrestles