Don't be a snitch if there is really no reason to snitch. Students of all ages can be so petty and dramatic. I should know, in college I was one of them. LOL. Teachers wear so many hats in the course of a school day, referee and therapist sound like the most insane. Every five seconds you have someone running up to you to complain. There is a good life lesson, know when tattling is necessary. Is someone dead? Is someone injured? Then work it out yourselves kids.
Redditor u/Im-Original wanted the educators out there to give a few tales of tattlers by asking them to divulge.... Teachers of reddit, what is the stupidest reason a kid has told on someone else?Stop Taylor
scared the launch GIF by CTV
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Teacher, Taylor's face is making me sick and he won't look away from me.
Stop looking at him and take your damn nap.
"I hear you..."
"He said a bad word!"
"I'm standing right next to him and I didn't hear anything."
"Well, I can read his mind."
In a similar vein, when I was 9 or 10 my teacher sent me to the principal's office for swearing, and he called my mom to pick me up for the day because he didn't believe me when I said I didn't use any bad words.
My mom marched me to my teacher's classroom and wanted to know what I said, because she also thought I was lying.
My teacher was very serious and explained how utterly disgusted she was when I said "dang" in her classroom.
Yup. Dang. My mom was not at all happy the situation.
Not the C!
Little girls runs up to me at recess and says another girl called her the C word. I was thinking, "Oh no, not the C word." I explained that she was just going to have to tell me exactly what the other girl called her. She said she called her "coochie." Not at all what I was thinking.
SNITCH!
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In second grade my friend told the class tattle tale that he was a snitch. And the kid stood right up out of his desk and yelled to the teacher "HE CALLED ME A SNITCH, I AM NOT A SNITCH." And my friend said "you're doing it right now, stupid." And it was all during a silent reading time and it was super quiet up until that point.
Tongues Out
I had a student (2nd grade) that would stick her tongue out just a little when she was concentrating. One day during silent reading another kid came to tell me she was being rude to him. I explained she wasn't and it was just something she did when she was thinking really hard. His response was, "Well I don't like it," to which I replied, "Well then don't look at her." He was all kinds of upset but stopped complaining.
Oh the Intensity
I was a summer camp counselor (18 years old) at the time. A boy (we'll call him Brian) about 13-14 years old came up to another counselor and I almost crying.
He complained younger kids (4-5 boys about 10-11years old) were teasing him because of how he ran. Brian claimed (lied) his gym teacher told him "humans run faster by not using their arms."
We asked him if he could demonstrate his "superior human ability" and show us this run. He literally ran like a Naruto ninja, and looked absolutely ridiculous... we had to fight hard to hold back the laughs. We told the younger kids to stop teasing him, but also suggested Brian his "gym teacher" may be wrong.
Whatever you are picturing, magnify the insanity by 10. It was like he learned how to run watching only Napoleon Dynamite and Naruto.
EDIT: tried to make it easier to read. Thank you all so much for the upvotes, I usually just lurk, so this is my highest rated comment ever. I know it's not much, but it motivates me to contribute more. Thank you.
Scribble Away
"He took a pen from the drawer and not a pencil!"
This was after I told my 17 year old students to grab a pencil and paper because we were going to do notes that day. I have no rules about pens not being used, I just didn't say the more generic 'writing utensil'. And the student who tattled wasn't on the spectrum and wasn't normally super literal.
Stand Down
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When I was a substitute teacher a kid told on me to the principal.
I had made the okay sign with my hand at about chest level. This is the same sign that if placed below the waist and someone sees they get to punch you.
This kid told the principal she thought I was going to punch her.
Erase it Please
In 7th grade, I still had no idea what a swastika was. A Jewish friend was explaining it to me and had me draw it out. After I drew it in exact detail to what he said to do, he immediately got up and told the teacher I was drawing swastikas. I tried to erase it but the damage was done.
I got a weeks detention on lunch for that crap. Even after I explained what happened.
Toy Times
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I'm not a teacher but I did work in a school environment in the past and I'll never forget the time a kid came up to me furiously upset that his friend stole his toy.... Seems relatively fair right?...
Until about 5 to 10 minutes later, when I finally calmed him down enough to discover that this supposed "toy" was an imaginary made up one...
REALLY?! Like you just can't imagine up a second one, or a few hundred spares? Turns out imaginary toy politics are quite strict.
Just Suffocate
For breathing too loudly. Grade 4. I wanted to just walk away for good.
Honestly, that's fair. Someone loudly breathing can be hell. And it could have felt impossible for that kid to focus on their work.
Bad Flavor....
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Miiiiiiiissssssss.... The girl in front of me in the line won't stop saying mint. He was correct, she was indeed repeating the word mint...
Here Kitty kitty....
Not a teacher, but way back in kindergarten I had a girl who sat next to me who hated my freaking guts. And she was a tattletale too.
Everyday in class, it would always be something like "TheatreKitty is looking at me! TheatreKitty is putting her notebook on my side of the desk!" It didn't help that I was a huge crybaby and would burst into tears when she told on me. She really screwed me up.
Wash Up!
"Miiisssss, they're teasing me because they're saying I sneezed and got snot everywhere and didn't wash my hands and now they're saying I have the lurgy and they don't want to touch my pencils."
"Well I did see you sneeze. Did you wash your hands?"
"No..."
"I don't think I can help you here... go and wash your hands."
Maggots Rule
Not a teacher but when I was a kid I was in an argument with my best friend.
He went home crying to his parents because I had called him a 'mighty maggot'
His parents asked why I would call him that.
'Because I called him that first' he responded.
Cue his dad calling me 'mighty maggot' for the rest of our friendship!
Need that Peach....
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Teaching 4th Grade I had to deal with an inconsolably crying child attempting to explain some traumatic event he was dealing with. Turns out Brian had said that Roblox was bad.
Another time teaching year 2, I had to move a child away from a group of girls as they were calling him gay. After moving him and having serious words with the group I noticed him sitting back on the mean girls' table.
Reason? He needed his peach crayon.
Crazy so young....
This is a true story. These were two 7th graders, a boy and girl.
Girl: sir i don't like how this boy is looking at me.
Boy: I am literally sitting at the back of the class.
The two were sitting at opposite ends of the class and couldn't make eye contact unless the girl completely turns around. Anyway girl stabs the boy with a pencil and made him bleed like crazy.
How old are we?
Not sure if this qualifies:
I had a student who always left class twenty minutes before the end. I had another student come to talk to me about this, like "I don't know if you've noticed, but this guy always leaves before the end."
So, two points about this:
This was an LSAT prep course. Everyone involved are adults, and it's a 100% voluntary course. If the dude wants to leave, OK, he leaves.
Also... he'd spoken to me beforehand. He had a solid medical reason for leaving early, and I'd email him with the stuff he was missing.
I was just pretty shocked at this 20-something trying to tell on another 20-something for truancy.
I'm Choo-Chooed Out!
I teach first grade. I had 2 boys that loved to irritate one another. The one boy, L kept saying "trains, trains, trains" over and over again. The other boy - B, kept telling him to stop it.
L moved across the room and stared at B. B stared back and then L yelled "do you know what I'm saying in my mind?" B interrupted my lesson yelling "L won't stop thinking about trains!" It took over 10 minutes to get them to knock it off. Longest year of my life.
So Smeggy....
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My son grew up watching Red Dwarf. I got a call from his 2nd grade teacher that he had called a classmate a "smeg head." The teacher told me "I don't even know what that means but wanted to tell you about it."
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I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
- Sregge
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"This joke is great because everyone can laugh at it."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."
Lord Farquaad Ok GIF by PeacockTVGiphyCars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paint
lightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
"Also in Cars, when Mack is driving down the highway and wants to pull over into a truck stop to rest, the sign at the truck stop says 'Top Down Truck Stop, All Convertible Waitresses.'"
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
Oh, Ratatouille.
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"
ratatouille flirting GIF by Disney PixarGiphyCoco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
- TerH2
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"Monster House."
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."
Whispering French GIFGiphyChildren's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.
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