One of the occupational hazards of being a cab driver is being forced to hear all of the things happening in your back seat, regardless of whether you want to or not.
Now, being a cab driver isn't a legal binding, so if it's something very dangerous, you're allowed to contact the authorities. But you have to be there experiencing every moment of it anyway.
Here were some of those answers.
Was The Money Worth It?
I used drive taxi on the Big Island, HI. I picked up a couple late one night from a bar, they were clearly intoxicated and they tell me what hotel, it's a bit of a drive. Good money. So we're going along, I don't hear any talking. But after about ten minutes I hear something like stirring mac n cheese if ya know what I mean. I briefly look behind and see them going at it. I really wish I hadn't. I told them to stop, but they didn't seem to care. By the time I dropped them off, I had made a $200 tip.
Only drove cab for a few months many years ago, but I drove the graveyard shift and saw and heard lots of interesting things in that short time. One night a couple, who were obviously of low socioeconomic status, got in my cab and were at each other's throats bickering from the very beginning. There was something about a missing ring and failed drug scores.
Then the woman said something that must have really pissed off the guy because he paused for a second and said, "B*tch, you gave me siphyllis and herpes, so SHUT THE F*** UP!!" There were a few minutes of quiet after that before the bickering started again.
(Man on phone with what I assumed was customer service)
"No you delivered the package to the wrong house....no....no... the white one. Yes....yes... really who else around here has been trying to order live alpacas?!"
When I drove Uber, I picked up this couple from a strip club a little after midnight. The girl was obviously a stripper, and the guy was a pompous dickhead that was trying to pick her up. He spends the whole ride talking about how rich and smart he is and how successful his business is going to be. At first, she's asking about it and about his life, showing genuine interest.
He deflects all of these questions and goes back to just talking about how he's such a genius. Then she's trying to change the subject, wanting to talk about literally anything else.
At one point she asks, "So what kind of stuff do you and your friends do for fun?" He responds with this tone of voice that I could basically hear him rolling his eyes at how stupid her question is. "I don't have friends. I have colleagues. Fun is what people do when they have free time. I'm too invested in my start-up for something like that," he says as he's leaving a strip club…
It was the most painful conversation I'd ever had to sit through.
When we finally get to the destination, his apartment, they get out, and she tells him, "Let me just get my purse." She walks over to the passenger side front door, gets in, and tells me to go. So I did. She was the one paying for the ride anyway. She changes the destination to her place, and asks to put on the radio. The rest of the ride was pretty quiet. We get to her place, I drop her off, and she leaves me a $20 tip. Definitely worth it in the end, but damn that was hard to listen to.
This Poor Poor Girl
Not exactly what this thread is about but I think applicable. I was driving a school bus, subbing on a kindergarten route. One little 5 year old gets on and proceeds to tell me: "I helped fix Daddys lunch. I gived him a sammich and some potato chips and a apple and his lucky coin. He has to have his lucky coin or he gets mad and hits Mommy."
Brought tears to my eyes at the thought of what this darling little human had witnessed.
Avoiding For A Decade
Not a driver, but a passenger and this conversation made me not take a taxi for 11 years. I was drunk coming home at 3 in the morning and the driver tells me he has this amazing business idea, but doesn't know how to get it going.
Me in my drunk infinite wisdom asks him what it is and see if I can help.
He obliges and says "You know dog poop? You know how it sticks to your shoe and you can never get it off? There's something in that. Some kind of adhesive. I'm going to find out what it is and make a killing!"
A Court Date
My dad was getting an Uber to the airport and the driver had his hands free setup to go through the car speakers.
While they are chatting the guy gets a call and it's from court asking where he is? He says he can't make it cause he's crashed his car. My dad said the funniest bit was this call went on for a while but when he hung up the guy just went back to chatting with no mention of the call like it didn't happen.
My dad spent the rest of the ride nervously wondering what he was missing at court.
Cause It's Not The Kids' Fault
My husband was a full time Uber driver for a few years. One day, he picked up this guy his age who was going to a residential area. They're small talking, and the guy tells him, "yeah, just going to my girl's house, we just started dating, she's so hot, etc." The address was the house of my husband's best friend's long term girlfriend. She was cheating on her boyfriend and actually got pregnant.
My husband told me about it and said, "I literally could have brought him over there the time they conceived the baby." He didn't say anything to the guy at the time. He chose to tell his best friend, who didn't believe him, initially. The paternity test proved the best friend wasn't the bio father, but he's raised the kid and treats them as his own.
Cliches Don't Get Old For A Reason
Not a taxi driver, but one time on the bus this guy sitting next to me is talking on the phone about some really weird stuff. This was over 10 years ago, but I vaguely remember him talking about court dates and getting a new burner phone. And then he went on to repeatedly tell the person on the phone to dump the body. He was really casual about it too, like it wasn't a big deal.
I tried to justify it by telling myself maybe he was a mechanic or worked at a scrap yard or something and he was referring to a car or....idk. I'm not sure if that even makes any sense. I just couldn't possibly imagine anybody would be in public openly talking about disposing of a dead body.
A young woman talking to her mate about how clingy her soon to be ex husband was.
'If he doesn't start leaving me alone, I'm going to sleep with his brother.' His (non working) car was parked in her drive. When I pulled up to her house, 2am, he was asleep in the car. Yep, clingy. Never saw her again so I don't know if she slept with his brother or not.
Do you hear you?!
I drove a mini-van taxi, so minus the driver seat there were 6 seats.
One evening around bar close, I get a full cab of 6 people. One woman sits up front with me. We are both white, everyone else in the cab is black. As we're waiting behind the bar for their last friend to come out, this woman WILL NOT STOP USING THE N-WORD! Like every freaking sentence!
She was using it without the hard R, but still. None of the black people said anything, so I just looked out the window and disassociated until it was time for me to drive.
Former cabbie. Once had a drunk lady who worked at the zoo talk enthusiastically about all the different animal's genitals. To be fair she sounded more like a kid talking about gross bugs than an animal obsessor. Still weird.
What is a Name?
If they tell you they'll probably have to change their name all over again.
Every time one of my coworkers is gone for a while unexplained, I assume they were outed as an international spy and will come back to work in a few weeks with one letter changed. Rick becomes Nick. So far no dice. Did have one leave Mary and come back Eric. Names changed for privacy. (That line has layers).
Not a taxi driver but a couple of years ago I was getting the last tram at around 12am, while getting in I passed this punk looking couple and there is a break in-between the songs I'm listening to on my headphones as I pass them just long enough for me to her him say "It was like that other time where I stabbed the Russian guy" I sat down a row behind them before my drunken brain processed the information.
(Passenger) Here, we take cab to travel between cities, there is certain stations and the cab starts when the forth passenger gets on it. Three in the back and one in the front seat. I was 25. One afternoon going back to my hometown, I went to the station, the cab's front seat was occupied so I sat in the back.
The next passenger, this gentleman around 40, in a suit, with a briefcase, got on. Politely said hi and took his phone and earphone out of the suitcase and started to watch porn on his phone for 10 minutes. all this time he never tried to hide his screen. Next passenger came and cab left the station.
Trashy strippers. Very distinct from working girl strippers.
Picked up 4 of them and they wanted to hit the McDonald's drive-thru. They proceed to be loud, obnoxious, probably drunk, and yell at and just generally give a hard time to every worker there all the while they talk crap about the other dancers being skanks, coke heads, and "thinking they're better than everyone else".
Oh, and of course they didn't tip. Even though, yeah, they get paid in tips, too. Strippers that couldn't be nice to fast food workers, hated their coworkers to a venomous degree, and get paid in tips, but couldn't tip other people.
The conversation was between my friend and I when we were being taken back to my place after drunkenly leaving a concert by an Uber. Not disturbing really, we were very confused, however, about why the driver had taken us to a different state.
A Sympathetic Ear
Not a driver but a passenger. My parents are divorced, and when we stayed at our fathers home, he kicked us out. We had to call a cab. It was the middle of the night, our mum was going to bed, and we were lucky she heard our calls. Anyways, as me and my brother were very young, me especially, my brother explained what had just happened, and we talked about what the future would look like. We thought that the driver wasn't listening. As our mum was paying the man, he told her how lucky she is to have so smart children and wiped his tears away. Idk if he didn't want to hear it but man did i fell bad.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Countless men and women think hands and forearms are the sexiest part of a man, which is why many people are over the moon about the sight of a man in a button-down with rolled-up sleeves.
There's just something about it, isn't there? You're thinking about it right now, aren't you?
If you've not a single clue what people are attracted to, then have a look. You'll be surprised some rolled up sleeves, form-fitting T-shirts, and a well-tailored suit can take you.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor [deleted] asked the online community,
"What is the sexiest thing a man can wear?"
"Especially in combination..."
"A properly tailored suit. So hot, even on average or below average looking men. Especially in combination with good general hygiene and a nice aftershave."
Then it sounds like you'd have a great time walking down Wall Street anytime before 5 p.m.
"My boyfriend has..."
"My boyfriend has an old green T-shirt that's barely too small but it makes his shoulders and pecs and back look SO good and it slims down his stomach. So... old T-shirts that contour their bodies well."
Ah yes, the form fitting T-shirt. Baggy ones have their place, sure, but the form fitting T-shirt is truly something.
"I'm a guy..."
"I’m a guy and while I’m not endorsing it, I’ve gotten the most drenching levels of thirst from both men and women while wearing a Spiderman suit. Fellas, do with this info as you see fit."
So what you're saying is you're the only person in a Spider-Man outfit who can get a date while heckling people in the middle of Times Square.
"I like when they know..."
"A little bit of stubble. I like when they know they don’t have to be clean cut or put together to be fine."
Clean shaven isn't for me. Stubble definitely has its place!
"If my husband..."
"If my husband, who is 50 and not considered fashionable, ever went back to his younger metalhead days and wore tighter jeans and Doc Marten boots I'd sit on his face so fast."
I mean... you could tell him. Would probably do wonders for your sex life.
"In public, a tight, but not too tight, somewhat stretchy shirt. Gives a subtle hint to what's underneath. In private, a pair of boxer briefs exhibiting the same characteristics as the shirt above is also hella sexy."
Again, some love for the form-fitting T-shirt! And form-fitting underwear is great, too!
"Anything that tells me..."
"Anything that tells me about him or what he’s into. A T-shirt with a video game he likes, a rock band, Hell, even anime. I like men that aren’t afraid to let their personality come through in their clothes. And if you’re not into music or games? I like a nice flannel."
It sounds like you definitely appreciate some personality and that's sweet!
"A nice trenchcoat..."
"A nice trenchcoat, some sick goggles, a devilish grin, and four massive metal arms protruding from his back."
So it sounds to me like you're really attracted to Alfred Molina as Dr. Octopus. You've seen Spider-Man 2 and No Way Home countless times, haven't you?
"I made out hard..."
"COLOGNE!!! I made out hard with a dude I was not even remotely attracted to whatsoever for an entire summer just because he SMELLED SO DAMN GOOD!!! And bonus points to him for never telling me the name of it. Seriously boys, find your scent!"
Whhhhhhoa. Tell us how you REALLY feel while you're at it.
"I love baggy black hoodies. It’s so simple but so attractive on anyone."
Well, it sounds like that works... for you.
Well, guys. You know what to do.
Time to get yourselves some well-tailored suits, some form-fitting T-shirts and at least a pair of Doc Martens while you're at it.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
We live in the stories of our family that came before us.
Unfortunately, social media and a constant stream of digital records did not exist in the time of either of the Great Wars.
Can you imagine a selfie taken from the trenches or from storming the beaches of Normandy?
Just because we can't see it, though, doesn't mean we haven't heard the tales, been swept away in the stories, the details, of one of the most horrific and heroic times in our collective history.
Because some of our family were there, and they told us about it.
"Did anyone have stories from WW1 or WW2 passed down to them if so what’s the story?"
It's war, right?
Of course most of the stories are going to be tragic tales of loss and fear.
A True Hero
"One grandfather earned a Purple Heart during WWI because he went out out alone under heavy shelling to flag down an ambulance for his buddies. The physician who later treated him at the field hospital said his own leg was torn up so badly he shouldn't have been able to take 10 steps on it."
"Ultimately he didn't save any lives, though. And the ambulance got shelled too--killing the entire ambulance crew. He was the sole survivor."
"I can’t imagine being the sole survivor of all of my buddies, PLUS the dudes you were calling for help. Wow."
Too Young, Too Much To See
"My grandfather was in the US Navy in the Pacific during WW2. My mom would tell me about how when she was a kid he'd used to get really drunk and tell disturbing, graphically detailed stories about all the horrific sh-t he witnessed during the war. Stories about friends drowning or getting burned to death in raging fires, the terror caused by incoming kamikazes, etc."
"My mom was like, 8 or 9 years old at the time and being subjected to that understandably messed her up a bit. I never worked up the nerve to ask my grandfather about his experiences directly since it was obviously so traumatic for him. He eventually died due to complications from Parkinson's disease as well as being an alcoholic for decades."
"I sometimes wonder how different his life might have been if he hadn't enlisted as a fresh faced 17 year old. Given the timing, he might have been able to avoid getting drafted and stay out of the war entirely. Shoulda coulda woulda, I guess."
Stuff Stays With You Forever
"Completely different war, but my mom's father's father, so my great grandpa on my mother's side, was in WW1. Apparently, once a year or so he'd just sit in a rocking chair for several days on end falling apart and crying, wouldn't talk or move or eat, and my great-grandmother would just put a blanket on his lap and sigh and say he's thinking about the war and he'd be ok in a few days."
"This sh-t was so common ... Is still so common..... I'm glad it's less shameful and more people can get help these days."
Let's brighten things up past the typical doom and gloom.
What are some of the more outlandish stories from being in the war?
Out Before It Even Started
"My Grandpa's only WW2 story involves him arriving in France and proceeding to trip over a small hole in the ground and break his ankle on his first day there. It never healed right and he was sent back to the states. Walked with a cane for the rest of his life."
"Don't take this the wrong way but he's a lucky man"
That Magic Of The Chocolate
"I've posted this a few times before, but my grandpa was a child on a farm in Germany during WWII."
"On of my favorites was while a bunch of allies were traveling by. A group of Americans broke off and came up to the farmhouse. Through the language barrier his family figured out they were asking for milk. They get some and hand it over never expecting to see it again."
"The Americans take it and kind of stand around for a bit. After a while they bring it back up and manage to convince all the kids to come up. They split it out the drink they made to all the kids."
"Turns they made chocolate milk."
"I doubt this is the only reason my grandpa moved to the US, but I suspect its part of it."
Secret Families And Secret Chickens
"While I have have several family members who died in action, here are the more interesting stories. My great grandparents (with 7 children) were living in Russia under nazi occupation, hiding a Jewish woman in their cellar. Their neighbors knew about it but none of them snitched. The entire family would’ve been gunned down if they did."
"Also, a bomb once fell on their house but everyone survived although my great grandfather was severely injured. Great grandma secretly raised a chicken for him to eat for his injury, as they were starving because the Nazis were raiding the villages for food. On one such raid, she denied having any food but they heard the chicken clucking. That’s probably the nearest the family got to being shot."
You don't know what happens in the heat of war, in the midst of chaos and bloodshed, but you know that decisions have to be made, choices must be followed up on, and some people earn the title of "The Greatest Generation."
Wait For It...
"My grandfather was one of the soldiers that stormed the beaches of Normandy. I didn't hear about that particular portion of his story, but i do know that he was under fire and jumped into the trench only to land on a dead soldiers body. The corpse still smelled of a cologne called 'Evening in Paris' and when grandpa came home to the states he couldn't stand the smell of Evening in Paris - it caused severe ptsd flash backs for him."
"I wish i knew more of his story but he's been missing over 20 years now and is presumed dead."
You Kept Items From The Men On The Front Line?
"My great grandfather was in the trenches of WWI. His wife sewed him a coat because, well, trench warfare. The salvation army was running a program where they would get care packages from the states to soldiers in the war, so she handed the coat over to them to get to her husband."
"A month later she saw some admin from the salvation army walking around wearing the coat. He called her a liar when she said she made the coat for her husband, at least up until the policeman overseeing the argument was convinced to cut a seam to reveal the letter and hidden money she sewed into the lining."
"The salvation army also charged my great grandpa for hot coffee while the red cross gave it to the soldiers for free."
"Yeah, my family doesn't donate to the salvation army."
See? This Guy Gets It.
"Great Grandfather earned his commission during the Battle of Flers–Courcelette. He was company Sergeant Major 25th CEF. During the battle his Major and platoon commanders were either wounded or killed. He took charge of the company and after storming and taking the village he continued to lead his men until another hundred yards of German trenches were captured and held for two days and two nights. He fought at Ypres and The Somme and several other battles during WW1. (I have his uniform, medals, walking stick, battle field maps, field binoculars, photos etc)"
It's been over a hundred years since the first World War meaning those stories are all now coming secondhand.
The farther we get, the fewer stories we'll hear firsthand from those who were there in WWII.
Listen, if you get the chance.
It's a gift.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
What is it about someone that captivates you instantly?
Could it be the twinkle in their eye as they talk about their passions? Or perhaps its their overwhelming sense of humor that draws in everyone in the room?
Whatever it might be, everyone has that one trait, that one quality, that can make them instantly interesting to someone listening nearby.
"What's one thing which makes someone interesting to you instantly?"
It doesn't even have to make sense why that person is interesting to you.
If they're only funny to you, and no one else, doesn't matter.
You'll sit, listening to them, for as long as you can.
Make Me Laugh
"Sense of humour"
"I have entire relationships that are built on mutual humor. Sincere humor is the best, when someone can be their full selves with you - serious moments are appreciated and occur but our love language with one another is our ability to laugh together."
You've Seen Things Others Haven't
"If they have traveled outside their home country or have lived/are living outside the home country."
"As someone who spent the last 15 years outside my home country, this is normal for me, or that they’ve learned a second language.(I have too just not always the language of my host country)."
Math And Numbers All The Way
- "If they're interested in math I instantly love them. Haven't met anyone tho"
- "Funny sarcasm a bit situational, but if someone is good at using sarcasm in a gunny way I want to be they're friend."
Totally Got Into A Fight With A Bear
"Facial scars, and not ones done intentionally. If you got a big ol scar on your face, you've seen some sh-t, and I am dying to hear about it."
"I have a fairly prominent scar close to my eye that I got from walking into the corner of a table as a 2yo."
"Can't say I've seen sh-t, but I sure as sh-t didn't see that table."
Conversations are tricky to navigate, especially when you think you'll do nothing but bring the group chat down.
That's why when someone perks their ears up to give you the floor, it's intriguing.
Let's Talk TOGETHER
"They draw people into the conversation by finding topics of mutual interest."
"A great tip for doing this is to abandon any embarrassment at knowing nothing about someone's passion. Instead of trying to change the subject or staying quiet, ask the basic questions that come to mind."
"You'll find there are two types of people - those who delight in explaining why they're so passionate to you in a way that makes their passion practically contagious and those who can't be bothered making an effort. The first group are the ones you want to talk to anyway, as they not only match the effort you made but make it effortless for both parties."
Take Your Time. I'll Listen.
"People who can find the sentence through all the stuttering I do and are actually interested to chat for an undetermined amount of time"
"Hang in there buddy! It's a shame how society treats people who stutter! I'm a speech therapist and the biggest problem for my patients isn't the stuttering, but the inability of other people to just take a little bit more time and let them finish their sentences on their own time"
Or Maybe We Don't Need To Talk At All
"Ability to enjoy and appreciate comfortable silences without having the need to constantly talk."
"Nothing's more annoying than someone who constantly talks just to fill the air."
You don't know why, you just know how it feels.
It's a gut thing, deep down inside, that lets you know this person is something special.
Let It Out
"Passion. Doesn't matter about what, they could be passionate about installing toilets and I'd listen to them. I find it infectious."
"YES fully f-cking agree. My friends always apologize when they go on about something I’m not into/haven’t even heard of, but I could listen to it for hours. Just hearing the excitement in their voice and seeing their eyes light up just soothes my soul."
"They’re not afraid to like things. I’m so bored of people whose personality is based around not liking things or being too cool for things. Coming from someone who used to be extremely cynical — cynicism is boring."
Eyes That Make You Feel
"Their eyes. Some people have very kind eyes and I’m extremely attracted to that."
"Omg this. So far I’ve only met one person with really kind eyes and there was a time when I was in bed just crying about it cause whenever he looks at me it’s like all the mistakes I’ve made in my life doesn’t matter"
Speak Your Truths
"Honesty. Even at their own expense. Extremely attractive trait in friends or significant others."
"Double this. It comes down to being able to accept wrong and being unafraid to open themselves up to judgment, criticism, and consequences of action, which is a huuuige display of strength, and == hot. Dishonesty is insecurity at best, malice at worst."
Trust your gut.
You never know what kind of fascinating individuals you'll be lucky enough to interact with.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Turns out not all of us are interested in being benevolent Gods.
It's Reddit, so we're not exactly surprised, but we're suddenly glad divine cosmic powers don't work this way.
Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
Can We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
"I also choose this god."
Assuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
One Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
Genderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
Oh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.