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People Who Have Been The Target Of An Assassination Attempt Explain How They Survived

Not all plotted murder attempts are political assassinations like I pictured. A lot of normal people out here are the ones on the hit list.


Moral of the story is, we can't really live a life without pissing off the deranged few that might come after us with a gun. We'd have to stay inside all day eating cold cuts and lacking Vitamin D.

Some Redditors unfortunately did find themselves in the cross hairs. But they made it out, usually because of pure luck.

u/Buttery_Avocado asked, "People who have been the target of murderers/assassins, how did you survive, and why did they target you?"

Murder by Traffic (still murder)

I'm not sure if it counts but a few years ago in high school, there was this guy that used to trouble everyone by taking naked photos of them when they were changing after PE class.

I happened to be one of his targets so I reported him to my teacher and eventually he got suspended for about a month and had to attend counselling sessions.

One day I was at the bus stop waiting for my bus when suddenly I felt a push on my back and I fell onto the road. Luckily for me, the bus driver stopped the bus in time and I survived. However, I fell directly on my arm and it was fractured.

Last I heard, he went to the juvenile centre and no one ever had to see this devil again.

u/rthecoolsharma

Chosen One

They missed. That's about the only reason.

It was a random act of violence. A man ran up behind me, put a gun to my head and shot. He flinched or I did and he missed by an inch. Blew out my left eardrum and burned my hair behind my ear. He ran off immediately after.

Cops said it was probably a gang initiation thing. I have deafening tinnitus now and horrible anxiety in public.

u/Shes_dead_Jim


Random Cars Are Your Friend

About a year ago, I was walking my dog at night when I saw this really beat up old Honda Civic pull up on the other side of the road. I noticed that two similar cars positioned themselves on the roads perpendicular to me both behind and in front of me. I was boxed in.

This kid no older than 19 gets out with 2 other people, and the kid reaches for a gun in his wasitband and makes a beeline towards me. A random car passes and they all scatter. Once the car is gone, they come back and try to do the same thing, but another random car passes again, and they take off. I made the quarter mile run home in about 2 minutes.

My guess is I was the victim of a gang initiation, and they ran away when witnesses saw.

u/smegma_toast

Risky Blind Dates

I was almost murdered. If it wasnt for my manager I would have been.

My sister set me up on a date with her friend. I ended up having to work the weekend so I canceled. The date went out with someone else and afterwards invited him to her apartment. Right before they went inside someone killed them both with a gun. It turned out to be a jealous neighbor of the girl who she was also messing with.

That could have been me if i went on the date and she decided to let me in for tea.

u/Xcavor

When Everybody Knows the Same Hit Man...

My ex boyfriend hired some guy from Chicago to murder me after I broke up with him for selling drugs to my younger sister. Fortunately, my ex & I both had a mutual friend who found out & had more pull with the attempted assassin (both were polish immigrants). Ex calls me up later and demands $2000 from me because he "didn't get what he paid for", as the hired gun wouldn't give a refund.

u/CraftingQuest

Shoulda Rode with Clinton

While it seemed strange at the time, I actually didn't find out about the circumstances until 20 years later. I worked at the White House during the Clinton Administration in an IT capacity, and was traveling on a trip to the Philippines and the APEC conference in Jakarta, Indonesia.

We had flown into Manila late, and hopped on the bus to the hotel with the staff motorcade. Everyone was pretty awake, and we were all BSing on the ride to the hotel. About 45 minutes into the ride, I look out the window of the bus and we are on a narrow road lined by corrugated tin shacks. It really seemed strange at the time since why would the road from the airport to the nice hotels in Manila have to go through this neighborhood? We eventually arrived at the hotel, and it was quickly forgotten.


20 years later, I am watching a series on the History Channel about the United States Secret Service. This one episode was about how the Secret Service coordinates with Intelligence agencies, and talked about on a Clinton trip to Manila where they overheard Al Quaeda was talking about a "Wedding Cake" under the bridge. "Wedding Cake" was a known code word for bomb. Clinton was diverted to the alternate route (and undoubtedly got to the hotel a lot quicker than we did.) It turns out there was indeed a bomb under the bridge on the route to the hotel.

I was obviously not the target, but it was crazy, and many of us could have been collateral damage.

u/jayrocked

Too Familiar 

Does a school shooting count?

I was not in the same part of the school, I evacuated with my class and got home safely a few hours later. Had I been in the wrong place at the wrong time I just as easily could have been one of the victims.

He was and is a deluded, violent, angry, lonely demon who couldn't stand a world where the rest of us weren't dragged into his demented hellpit. No way in hell. Life has recovered more or less to what it was, and twenty two months on, Stoneman Douglas is 0% his world and 100% the world I know our 17 fallen want it to be.

u/Colonel_Gator

But But it's So Hard to Get Rid of a Tattoo

Not sure if this counts as I wasn't the intended target, but my dad ran a chapter of a fairly notorious biker gang (notorious enough to get their own episode of "Gangland"). Once my dad left, a guy who never really liked him all that much took his place and insisted that since he was no longer in the gang, he needed to get rid of his tattoo. My dad told him to go pound sand. Surprisingly, that didn't go over particularly well, and he ordered his SUV bombed. We lived in an apartment complex at the time and they blew up the wrong SUV. Thankfully no one was inside either. As far as I know, that was the only attempt on his life, at least as long as I was I've been alive.

u/octowussy

How Not to Deal With Unwanted Neighbors

I lived below an insane person, in a shared house. For the record I lived there first. Insane Person wanted the entire house to rent, tried to force me out many ways, making noise, having people creep around and knock on my windows, call the cops on me for no reason etc.

So one day he lit a smouldering fire in the non-functional fireplace (we were told never to use it) and closed his off, forcing the smoke to fill my apartment. We luckily got out, but the hospital said one more hour in there and we would be dead. Me and my husband spent several hours in the hospital on oxygen.

My dad had replaced our smoke detector literally 2 weeks prior to this incident as we discovered it was broken. Since the laundry was in my part of the house, Insane Person could totally have come in and tampered with it but I have no evidence of this.

The funniest part of the whole thing was when I called 911 and the fire trucks showed up at 3 am, Insane Person cussed me out for calling them.

The second funniest part was work tried to get me to come in that day since nobody could cover my shift.

All that effort to rent out a teardown house in a sketchy neighbourhood.

u/johnmcdracula

That's Why Ya Pick Up Your Litter, Kids

Not sure If this one counts but... I was born in Iraq at the very start of the war. My parents tried shielding us from the war and death outside but sometimes things just happened the likes of which they had no control over.

I was about 5 years old (I can't remember my exact age but all I can remember is that I was too young to attend elementary school) my mom was getting my siblings ready for school(brushing my sister's hair) and I was sitting on her tailoring bench with a curtain less window behind me. I remember playing around with some pins she had laying around.

My grandma (alive at the time) was watching over me so I do not fall, thus when a pin dropped from my hand to the floor she was quick to tell me to pick it up so no one would step on it. I bend down to pick up the pin an I hear a pop (simmer to the popping sound of a balloon)


I glance back and the window was gone, and all i hear next is my sister scream and start crying.

My mom quickly yelled for all of us to get against the wall and to get away from the window. As We all look around the room to see what happened we see a bullet (as long as a index finger) in the middle of the room (one of my brothers goes over to pick it up but it was too hot to touch).

The next day we go over to the police and all they can do is tell us that it was a sniper bullet and they can't do anything about it.

I assume that a sniper saw me just sitting there in front of a window and took the shot, but it missed me when I bent down to pick up the pin so it went over my head, grazing my sister's arm before stopping on the floor.

u/zomeone1

James Bond Ain't Got Nothin

I was a photojournalist in an unnamed Central American country doing humanitarian coverage for a college. Suddenly there were riots against the government and officials started shooting people with cameras. My group was chased so I had to change my appearance (I.E. clothes, hat, satchel) and ditch my camera to an in country contact and acted like a normal student to smuggle my SD cards in little slots I cut in my shoes until I got to the US where I took them out and just had them in my pocket so to not arouse suspicion by TSA. 10/10 would do again

u/ben101896

An Antidote to Ghosting?

No way to prove it, but had all the lugnuts on my trucks front passenger rim loosened which caused death-wobble so bad I almost crashed in the fast lane of the freeway. Luckily the rim stayed on. I had ghosted this one guy and part of me suspects he came and loosened my lugnuts in retaliation. My boss discovered it being the nice guy he was.

u/needacarfaxplz

A Horrifying Boyfriend

One night, he seemed bored and started trying to stick his feet in my face. I pushed them away, disgusted, and he... exploded. It was a whole lot of action. He started by trying to choke me. I freed myself by grabbing a cat brush, the kind with the sharp metal points, and pushing it into his chest. He let me go but pushed me to the ground and lifted his air soft rifle and drove it to my head like he was trying to cave in my skull. At the last moment he hesitated. I ran out of the apartment and called the cops. It didn't occur to me until later when I was with a public defender documenting my injuries that he had really wanted to kill me. I had bruising so deep they were black in color, in places I don't even remember him hitting me. He really would have, if something in him hadn't hesitated.

u/Klutzy-Horse

Singers Can Be Ego-Heavy

Was in a band with a singer who wanted a coke empire. He said if me or the drummer mentioned this to anyone, he would just have to do a little "wet work". I didn't know about his threat until after I distanced myself and very easily could have had my head blown off in my sleep by a paranoid coke head

u/I_WILL_SEX_UR_FACE

This Guy's Uncle Must Be a Loose Cannon

Not sure if attempted murder, well probably, guy ran me over while I was on a bike because I was texting with his girlfriend, I didn't even know they had a relationship. Dumb me didn't call the cops and let my uncle handle it, wish I just pressed charges.

u/JanTabakFeyenoord

An Nasty Divorce

A guy I know was going through a nasty divorce. It was not going well for him. He was set to lose custody and the house. Well I guess his wife wanted it all, because she hired (or asked I'm not sure) her brother to kill him. The brother attacked him with an axe in the lobby of his building. The axe actually connected, but he lived.

u/jad2121

A Lethal Swirly

This was in Elementary school, surprisingly. A new student had moved into town, and had attended my elementary school. Let's call him Patrick.

I later asked the teacher is could use the bathroom. There was a policy where two people at a time may use the bathroom, and of course, Patrick decided he would be that second person. I later went into a stall to do my business, while he used a urinal. After cleaning up, I'm opening the urinal doors when he begins to force into the stall doors so he can bust them open. Then with full force, he just props open the door and rushes me with full force, smashing the small toilet to pieces. He begins to proceed to drown me in the toilet water, and cut my face with the leftover shards of the toilet. I manage to wrangle through his grasp and run immediately into my classroom and to inform what Patrick had done. He was later suspended, and was counseled. He wasn't allowed to walk in the hallways alone without an adult.

u/Trqves

People Break Down The Biggest Bombshells Their Therapist Ever Dropped On Them

Reddit user anonymiss0018 asked: 'What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?'

Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The OfficeGiphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman AnimationsGiphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSOGiphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.


When I was in high school, my friends and I went to a pizza place after school nearly every day. In addition to a slice of pizza, we would each buy a soda. The place offered free refills (this was back when not all places did this), and we thought it was really cool. However, I used to wonder why they would do this. Wouldn't it be more profitable to them if they forced us to buy a second drink?

Four years later, I began working in a restaurant and learned that more often than not, the cups we gave out for soda cost more than the syrup that went in the drink. The restaurant offered us free food on days we worked, but we couldn't get drinks for free unless we brought our own cups.

This was shocking to me and put free refills into a whole new perspective. We could sell the soda for more than it cost to make, but no one would buy a soda if we tried to sell it for more than the cup cost. It would cost us less to allow customers to refill the same cup for free than it would be to give or even sell them another cup because it would cost the business a lot to replace each cup.

Soda cups aren't the only things that have a high mark up price, and they're not the only products people were surprised to find had a high mark up. Redditors know of lots of products that they were surprised to find out has a high mark up and are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor petrastales asked:

"What product unbeknownst to most people has the highest mark up?"

​Equality Doesn't Exist

"Back in the early 2000’s I was managing a restaurant - garlic bread was selling for 3.95 and cost 0.07 to make. Not all food items are equal when it comes to margins!"

– leyland_gaunt

"I came here specifically to mention pizza. The profit margins on pizza are nuts, you have to suck at making it to not stay open."

– DreadedChalupacabra

"Yeah, it drives me nuts when you can request add-ons, but it's like $3 for a few pieces of camembert, or $2 for some chopped tomato, when it probably cost $5 for an entire 1kg bag of tomatoes."

– Writerhowell

How Cheesy

"Yeah and like 1.50 of that pizza was the cheese."

"Cheese is the most expensive part of a pizza assuming youre not doing some weird specialty stuff."

– Doomstik

"Can confirm. Worked at a pizza place. An incompetent employee was supposed to fluff a box of cheese but dropped it on the ground by accident. the owner was there. I swear I saw him shed a tear because that box was $120 of pure uncut shredded mozzarella and that was supposed to become like $1,000 in pizzas."

– PM_Sexy_Catgirls_Meo

That's Nuts!

"Yeah I worked at a place that did charcuterie, I apologized to the chef for munching out on the fancy olives all night. He said he didn't give a damn, as long as it kept my hands off the roasted cashews. Big jar of olives was like 15 bucks, the equivalent of cashews was like 200 bucks."

– hudson27

Bamboozled

"Reminds me of the never-ending pasta at Olive Garden. Pasta is dirt cheap and incredibly filling. The chances of you eating enough that it's actually a good deal for you is very slim."

– IBJON

"When I was working at a chain pizza restaurant, the storage manager wanted to get pasta on the menu, because of the profit margins. It's crazy because it cost us $2.10 to make a 17 inch pizza, and we sold them for $14."

– fukreddit73264

Not Worth It

"Flavored seltzers at a brewery. The beer costs 10x as much to make, but they charge almost the same at the tap."

– LocoCracka

"I have a buddy who made seltzers at a brewery in the Bay Area. Some malt liquor, very little flavoring, and a ton of soda water."

"Couldn’t make a cheaper adult beverage if you tried."

– Ikarus_Zer0

Ma, I Can't See!

"Glasses."

"Luxottica owns most major eye wear stores, costs them a few dollars to make and you pay hundreds for them."

– godnrop

"My cousin taught English in China after college in the early 2000s, apparently they had machines in malls where you could look into a pair of holes, do a vision test, get a prescription, and have a pair of glasses automatically ground for you in like 2 minutes for about $5, and the only reason we don't have that in the US is regulations."

"I travel to China frequently for work. I just take the USA prescription for family and friends and they have them made in about an hour or less. Family and friends give me an idea of frames they like and they pop the prescription lenses in. I pay about USD40 for the top-grade lens material that is antifog and anti-scratch."

i3f8j

"I don’t really object to paying $50 for an eye exam, I object to paying $300 for a pair of frames. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to take the prescription the optometrist gives you, enter the numbers into the machine, and get the same $5 glasses."

river4823

​Message Received

"Back in the day, text messaging."

– alien109

"That's why I left T-Mobile in 2005. They were charging me for incoming texts but offered no way for me to block them. So basically, someone else had control of my bill."

– CGYOMH

"I remember being young, spending the $20 I worked so hard for so I could get minutes, only for a friend with unlimited minutes to spam me with a few texts and take it all away. What an upsetting time."

– Boopcheese

Ice Ice Baby

"Soft drinks in pubs. Especially the ones from “the tap”. Costs pennies and they charge £3 for a pint of it. Probably the biggest earner in a pub."

– lucky_1979

"Especially when they just cram a glass with ice and then lightly moisten it with the actual drink you ordered."

– jamesmowry

"My work just came out with a policy that we need to completely fill the glass with ice because it "keeps the drink colder for longer".. eyeroll."

– metalbridgebuilder

"The nuts and bolts section at your local big box hardware store is the highest markup isle. 500% or more. If you need more than a few bolts, go shopping at a proper hardware supplier."

– SatanLifeProTips

"Whenever I go through one of these aisles and look at the price for a single bolt or screw, I look at the overall assortment and think: There must be tens of thousands of dollars just for the shelf-price of fasteners I see right here in this aisle alone."

"The markup is crazy, but why do I want to buy a box of 100 screws if I only need two?"

– lemming_follower

Second To One

"The second-cheapest bottle of wine on the menu."

– slocki

"In order to not look cheap, many people will buy the 2nd cheapest item on the menu."

– AprilsMostAmazing

"Wine in restaurants in general. The markup on wine is wild. My boss used to get whatever was “on sale” from the distributor and usually pay $3-4 a bottle and sell it at $10 a glass."

– she_shoots

Pour Some Sugar On Me

"Candy floss / cotton candy. £4.99 for legitimately 10p worth of sugar."

– Tylervdub

"I used to work food service at an amusement park for a summer job."

"A manager told us that the cost of making a bag of cotton candy, including ingredients, labor, etc., was 19 cents...we sold it for $3."

– etm105

Look, Don't Drive

"Those button batteries in store."

"They know you need one asap cause your car won’t unlock so you are stuck."

"Wait 1 day and you can get a dozen from Amazon for same price."

– kindrudekid

Medical Supplies

"As a Diabetic I'm pretty sure it's Insulin."

– PraiseThePun81

"Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this."

"I spend over $13k annually on ‘good’ insurance that doesn’t cover half of the things I need as a diabetic. I spend half that again on the insulin and supplies. It’s a racket."

– Nosce_Temet

H2O

"Water."

– ganic-Lie4759

"Bottled water is so highly marked up as to qualify as a scam."

"At no extra cost aside from the bottle (I don’t have a water meter) my water is completely free. It tastes as good or better than bottled."

– 6033624

I didn't know about any of this!

I can hear my wallet crying.