Spontaneous orgasms sound fun but for those that get them, they can be a real nuisance. Like being unable to have a catheter inserted, or possibly having the wildest dream about Eli Manning that you can't remember. Some people even get orgasms when they're scared - which kinda makes me feel cheated because life is terrifying.
ohionymous asked Redditors, What is your craziest "surprise orgasm" moment?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Catheters are horrible. Unless...
Not my story but a friends who is a nurse. Younger lady needs to have a catheter put in. She's tall, blonde.
They're struggling to get it in because she's tightening up her muscles so much. Having to have one person pulling apart her legs and another trying to get the catheter in. Anyways after alot of struggling they finally get it in.
Couple days later the nurse is at Starbucks and is having coffee with her friend. Over her shoulder she hears two girls chit chatting and catches some of their conversation. One of the girls is talking about how she had a catheter put in the other day. But that she orgasmed 3 times while they were trying to put it in and it was the most awkward experience ever. Nursing friend turns around and low and behold it's the girl from the other day.
You can't unknow this. It is ununknowable.
I was on a drug to help me pass kidney stones. I'm rubbing one out and orgasm and... nothing. It was like the scene from There's Something About Mary, I'm looking around where did it go. I felt it, but nothing came out.
That's when I learned about retrograde ejaculation. The drug loosened my plumbing up enough that I shot a load into my bladder instead.
Like an invisible fence for a dog?
A friend of mine was running a Spartan Race or one similar and said there was an electric field set up and when she ran through that she came almost instantly.
Username checks out.
Finally, a story I can tell!
I have a tendency to sit on this rather hard chair at work when I'm on the till. I sit in such a position that it makes my nethers go numb and dead to all feeling so I don't always realise it. Like your arm or your leg would. Anyway, one day a customer comes up to me to buy something and I have to stand up of course. You know that tingly feeling you get when you're trying to get your leg to wake up? Imagine that but within the vicinity of your genitals. It's not as nice as it sounds but my body didn't care. I stared this guy in the face and cried "OH!" but I passed it off as pain, and hopefully not pleasure and carried on with my duty feeling quite embarrassed.
It is a really great spot.
The night we got together, my boyfriend was rubbing the bottom of my arse (where cheek meets thigh) and I came. It was literally out of nowhere and shocked the hell out me. I still don't think he believes me, but why would I fake it.
To be fair I hadn't had sex for 3 years prior to that night so that might have something to do with it.
Teach us.
Once in a blue moon, during long intense laughing fits, I orgasm.
Something like the occasional stories about people getting them during abdominal exercises, I'd imagine.
Nothing is sexier than mummies in the background.
First date, she miraculously invites me to her apartment for a second round of beer. History Channel is on the TV, some weird Egyptian mummy documentary with spooky instrumentals. We're making out on the couch when I bust in my pants due to her pressing her leg between mine. I ran to her bathroom and changed into my board shorts that I had in my backpack, hoping she didn't notice. Narrator: she did.
Ah, college.
Back in college I was getting ready for class but couldn't find any clean underwear so I put on some strechy lycra gym shorts under my jeans. Well that was a dumb idea because the lycra fabric was giving me a boner as i walked to my first class. After that class ended I went to get something to eat and walk to my next class on the other side of campus and wound up busting just before i got to the building my class was in.
Fear-induced orgasms? BOO.
Was writing a test and I realized I missed a 25 mark question when they said 5min left, I went cold with fear, that spine chilling fear that went straight to my vjay jay. Had an orgasm but my friends didn't believe me, but I was vindicated when I found out fear could cause an orgasm.
Eli... Manning? Really?
I had a wet dream (female)
I was 16, working abroad in London. I lived in a flat with another girl my age from Spain. We shared a kitchen but had separate rooms with thin walls.
I don't remember the dream. I woke up at 3 am, half yelling/half moaning. I was so embarrassed and confused! I had no idea how loud I was or what I could have said/screamed.
For some reason looking back, I think the dream had something to do with Eli Manning... which still shocks me because while I'll drink a beer and watch a game, I have no further interest in football or the Mannings.
I still laugh when I imagine what my roommate probably thought: American girls are nuts and love Eli Manning
This would make driving much more fun.
This didn't happen to me but to a friend.
She said she got into a truck with one of her friends and wanted to show her the bass. She said she could feel the bass through the seats and because there was so much f*cking bass she had an orgasm.
We may have a new term here.
Making out with boyfriend while naked. Dog bursts through door at a sprint. I jump up and ejaculate from fear. Basically if I were a squid, I "inked."
The human body is full of surprises.
Sitting in a pub having a chat over a pint, nothing out of the ordinary just a 'how's your day been' kind of chat when my body decided that I needed to try and create a baby there and then. No warning, no erection, no build up just sploosh.
No idea why it happened and never happened again. Was the weirdest thing in the world and caught me completely off guard.
Pavlov's teacher.
I was once seeing a dominant man who would edge me along and count down to when I was allowed to finally orgasm. Fast forward a few months later to the last day before Christmas break with my middle school students. It's the final class on Friday, and they decide to count down the time left on the clock.
They started at 20...
15: I could feel myself being turned on
10: I thought 'OH NO!'
7: 'PLEASE NO!'
5: 'Is this really happening?'
3: 'THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!'
2: 'CONTROL YOUR REACTION!'
1: 'THESE LITTLE SH*TS NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'
0: Blastoff
I still feel pretty weird about it, but yeah...
He didn't want to blow the opportunity.
I've posted this before, but it answers this question well.
When I was in high school, my girlfriend and I were spending a Saturday night chilling on the couch in my living room. By about 11 my family had all gone upstairs to bed for the night. She and I start cuddling under a blanket, one thing leads to another, and she starts going down on me.
Lost in a daze of corporeal pleasure, I did not hear my sister walk downstairs. I hear the sound of the fridge opening (it was in the same room but around a corner). Panicking, I pull the blanket up over my girlfriend, push her flat against the couch, and then proceed to accidentally blow the biggest fear-load of my life into her mouth while trying to be as silent as possible.
I'm pretty sure she heard my sister too, because she laid there not moving a muscle, mouth still around my launch zone, until we heard footsteps going back up the stairs. As far as I know, my sister never noticed what was going on.
For whatever reason, hearing that fridge open told my mind "you better finish this up quick, danger is afoot."