Around the world people sacrifice their own safety so that the citizens of their home country can feel safe and secure. We owe a huge debt to the military personnel who defend freedoms and keep the peace in times of torment and strife. I can't imagine what it must be like to live and work in war-torn countries for years at a time without seeing your own family and having that reminder of what you're actually fighting for.
Veterans on Reddit were asked: "What was the first thing you did when you got home?" These are some of the best answers.
I drank enough alcohol to work up the nerve to call the Soldier's Angel who had been writing me letters and sending me care packages to tell her I had fallen in love with her. Three years later we were married. Some days I'm all but sure I died in the war and this is my blessed afterlife.
One thing I do remember more than anything is that first shower I took when I got back to the Barracks in Germany. It was almost surreal, like a dream.. I couldn't believe the fact that I actually survived all that and I was getting out in 3 months after a 4 year stint. Never felt better in my entire life. Finally seeing all my loved ones again after not knowing if you would ever get another chance to.
My little brother was over in Afghanistan while I was doing my second tour in Iraq. I got back before he did and ETS'd, had the opportunity to greet him and his unit at his base when they finally touched down. It was really emotional, I was crying. Partly because I was happy my lil bro made it back in one piece. The other part was thinking about all my boys that didn't make it back and the pain their families must feel not getting the opportunity to experience what we were experiencing at that very moment. You lose friends that live and die with you, the bond is so close that you feel like they are your brothers, your family. Nothing good comes of war.. except when it ends.
1st tour: When I got home I made love to my girlfriend at the time and I tried to make sense of what just happened. I would just look at cars and building a lot.
2nd tour: I was pretty shaken up afterwards, I went back to my barracks. I have no family, ate in the club and took a shower and I volunteered for fast turn around. I was back in the field before the end of the year. I remember ordering a burger and a beer, the burger was cold and I went home and stayed in bed for 3 days.
3rd tour: I decided to take a trip to New York, I saw a Broadway show and just walked about enjoying my freedom.
4th tour: Well I got home and I had just been through my worst tour, it was awful ,terrible. I had pretty bad shakes and I cried in a shower, sat on the floor for what seems like an hour. I quit for a while.
5th tour: I asked my CO for a fast redeploy. It was refused. I haven't done anything as of yet. I'm still in my barracks and I don't want to take my leave. I think my field days are pretty much over, sad to think that. My next job will be behind a desk.
I'm 33 next week, I have no family or a SO. This job is all I am and all I have.
Drove. You have no idea how good it feels being in charge of something like that after months and months of having to walk everywhere. You want to go left? You turn the wheel and you go left. You want to speed up or slow down? It's all up to you dude, no one else is in charge. It's a powerful feeling, especially if you've only been allowed to go 30 mph tops for half a year.
The first time I returned from a combat tour in Afghanistan I was married. We had an absolute ton of sex the next few days in a hotel near the airport, starting about 30 minutes after the plane landed.
The second time I returned I was single, and an officer and I went to the base minimart (we were the ADVON and only people from our unit that returned early) and we stood there in shock for about 40 minutes not sure what we each wanted. I bought Nutter Butters and he bought raisens, and we wound up sharing. When I returned home, I was basically homeless and staying with my cousins, so we had some friends over and drank.
The third time will be happening in 89 days, and all I want is a hamburger.
My buddy picked me up and took me to his house to get my Mustang and my stuff. I had ordered some new cylinder heads, camshaft, intake, and a Procharger supercharger kit for it and I was excited to put it all together soon after.
It was already assembled, dyno tuned, and ready to drive. I drove the crap out of it for 3 days and then went home for 2 weeks on leave.
Fixed myself three PB&J on fresh, soft white bread. Washed it down with ice cold milk. It was the simple pleasures like fresh soft bread, hot showers, being able to relax after a shower not having to rush to get dressed. These are the things I missed the most.
Actually, my wife and I made a tradition out of me coming home (4 deployments in total.) She would pick me up at the flight line with a wonderful picnic lunch packed in her grandmothers old wicker basket. She always wore the yellow sundress that I loved, no matter the time of year. We would drive out to a farm near our house, lay out our blanket and picnic basket, and drink a beer.
I was lucky. As a former spook I was stationed shore and only sent out for very short periods of time (most awesome experience of my life was landing on and being launch from a carrier as a passenger).
But, when I was in temp waiting for discharge my wife and our dog went back home three months ahead of me.
Our dog is only about 30lbs, a little sight-hound. She is also extremely passive/quiet -- we've never once even kept a leash on her because she doesn't stray far from either of us, and she never jumps on anyone.
When I pulled up into the driveway and got out of the car, the front door to the house cracked open and out she darted. My wife shouting, calling her back because she'd never "taken off" like that before. There's this little brown blur moving towards me, and then suddenly I'm on my back getting my face licked. My mother in law said she'd never seen the look of love so much in an animal's eyes before. My little princess is now 9 years old, and ever since she has traveled with me wherever I go if it's longer than two days.
Walked down to the shoppette in my PTs and, after overcoming the shock of remembering stateside cigarette prices (Iraqi cigarettes are $1 a pack), bought a 6-pack of Steel Reserve tall boys. I drink like a lumberjack, but after nine months of no booze - period, my tolerance had completely vanished, and I couldn't even finish two. I was so messed up I couldn't even climb into my top bunk so I curled up on a pile of dirty laundry and passed out.
As a single, introverted dude in the Navy, the ONLY thing I wanted to do was to do something ALONE. The stress of constant human contact after more than 13 months underway almost drove me up the wall. So I went to a coffee shop, read a book, hit the beach and stared off into space. BY MYSELF. It was grand. Nobody asking how I was, for me to tell cool stories, or what I wanted to do constantly.
No family waiting on the pier, but that didn't bother me. We had a mini-reunion with Mom, Dad, Sis a couple weeks later and it was great.
Took a shower and sat on a keg my wife had gotten me. It was a pony keg of Coors Light. I'll always remember that day: sat on it in the shower until the water got cold while she sat on the toilet and talked to me. I drank, we laughed, she cried and I did too. Best day of my life with my wife. I love her.
The first thing I did when I got back home from a tour in Iraq? Ride the northbound bus to my sisters house in Seattle. Get in a bus accident, have to administer aid to 3 young women who decided to turn in front of the bus.
I drank a beer while in the hottest shower of my life. Once I'd finished that beer, I had another, and another.
After twelve months of combat patrols on the Afghani-Pakistani border, it was time for our unit to finally redeploy back home to Alaska. It was early August and the we knew the temperatures would be beautiful with highs about 70, but it was just as likely to be raining as sunny. A beautiful summer day would be icing on the cake, but honestly it was the least of our wishes at that point.
A few hundred of us boarded the first plane on the final leg of our journey from Kyrgyzstan to Anchorage. It was a commercial jet from 'World Airlines.' I was a 1LT at the time and sat in the front 1/4 of the plane with the other officers in the battalion. The enlisted guys were behind us in coach. (May I digress for just a moment by saying that I happily realize the injustice of that arrangement. My life is forever owed to the greatest men and women I've ever met, our nation's NCO's.)
As we neared Anchorage, we flew over Denali and it was utterly and perfectly clear. I have never seen Denali in such crystal clear visibility. I realized that we were flying into a perfect Alaskan summer day. I knew that I was about to have the greatest moment of my life: Kissing my girlfriend who would be waiting with other family members on the tarmac of Elmendorf Air Force Base, with the beautiful mountains all around us and the beautiful clean smelling air. (Clean smelling air was at a premium in Khost, Afghanistan.) My feeling of anticipation was so great that all of my senses seemed to be utterly on edge. Life felt more than real.
Well, what ended up being the happiest moment of my life happened to come just about 10 minutes prior to that kiss. As the landing gear on the plane dropped and we were about to land, a strange quiet came over the hundreds of soldiers in that plane. One last moment of anticipation. One last chance for everything to go wrong, as it almost always had in the previous twelve months. One last moment of attention and mindfulness.
But nothing went wrong. We touched down smoothly. And as those rear wheels made contact with the runway, the hundreds of enlisted men sitting behind us erupted into wild, joyous, unabashed cheers and applause. Their joy was like none other I have ever heard in my life. There was no filter. I heard and experienced something so utterly pure at that moment -- an unintended gift from my soldiers that I will never forget and can never thank them for enough.
I'll admit the kiss from the girlfriend that followed not long after was pretty great as well.
Oddly enough I came home form Iraq (the first time) 8 years ago yesterday so the memory was on my mind.
My dad came out to Hawaii. He came to hangout with me. He had rented two rooms in this bed-breakfast style place. We got in the rented car and he had a six pack on ice waiting at the house. My dad is a Vietnam Vet so we talked. We talked and talked about everything that happened on the deployment (early 2004 to early 2005). That short conversation actually lasted about 6 hours. I drank about three beers and was really loopy.
Still in my BDU's the sun was coming up, I changed and we went out to breakfast. I didn't have a girlfriend, or a wife, I would have felt all alone in the world but he thought it was important to come out and see me. Just my dad and I and a few cold beers. From then on we've been awesome friends as well as father and son, maybe I finally earned the old man's respect.
Came home from 7 months in the combat zone, spent time with my family, slept in my own bed, and then worried, heart wrenchingly worried about my friends that were still there. Wished that I was back to do everything I could ever do to protect them. When I was there I never wished for anything to be home, once I was there I wished for nothing more than to be back in hell with them.
My girlfriend flew down from Seattle (to Palm Springs) and we stayed the night at the on-base motel. The next day I said my goodbyes to a few friends (who were all waiting to EAS as well) and went to the admin center to pick up my DD214.
We did the whole road trip thing on the way back, hitting San Francisco, then we went to Oregon City to visit my roommate and best friend from the marines, and then back home to washington. We took the 101 instead of I5 which I highly recommend if you like pretty scenery.
When we were about to get home she told me that we were going to go see a couple of her friends at a little bar down the road from us. I said okay.
We got home and unpacked my car a bit, she had some of her friends decorate the apartment with balloons and streamers. So we leave for the bar to meet her two friends, I walk in and theres 20 or so of my friends yelling 'Surprise!'. Apparently my girlfriend had orchestrated the whole thing a month earlier with a private Facebook group. Even my buddy from Oregon City was there, he had driven up before we left in the morning and hung out at the bar for like 5 hours.
Anyways, the bar named a $2 specialty shot after me which for the whole bar was able to get all night. I got really drunk, took two puffs from a joint outside the bar and proceeded to pass out in a lawn chair until my girlfriend took me home in a taxi.
Then she made me steak for breakfast.
I returned home from both my deployments(Baghdad 03-04,04-05) in the middle of the night. The first time, we had a buddy waiting for us. We grabbed some food and beer. Drank about three and passed out.
The second time I came home as Advance Party (Barracks NCO) and my Smoke's wife met me at the homecoming (which was about twenty exhausted guys at 0300 in a half-empty gym where six band members played the Anthem for us) with a sixer of beer. I wasn't allowed into my barracks because they were still secured and I needed orders to break the seal on the doors even though I was the damned barracks NCO, so I caught a ride home with another guy and crashed on his couch. He told me to make myself at home, so I dropped my bags, took a shower, and sat on his couch drinking in my towel until the sun came up. I was single, but I didn't allow my family to come see me off or see me home because I knew my folks were struggling with cash at the time. The last thing they needed was to spend money on taking a trip to NC from IA.
The most emotional part of both homecomings was calling home. I woke my parents up both times, and each time I was barely able to choke out, "Mom, I'm home. I'm home." It's hard tell them that everything's OK when it wasn't. My homecoming trip took over two years and nearly my life until I was able to get my emotions to come home, too.
I walked my sister down the aisle. She delayed her wedding until I got home so I could be there.
I drove cross country from California to Ohio with another Marine who just got out. It was one awesome road trip. When I walked into my parents house (who I haven't seen in almost 2 years) my Mom said "Oh good you're here. Can you pick your brother up at school?"
I stopped at store and picked up bath bubbles, bath salts (not the drug) and a new towel. I went home opened up the bottle of mead that I bought in Ireland and enjoyed about an hour long bath while while drinking my mead. After that I went out and rented a black and pink tuxedo and crashed one of my friend's casual parties.
Some of this material has been edited for clarity.
I have straddled the genders when it came to romance.
But it's been a pretty long time.
So I don't recall a lot about the girls in the intimacy department.
But I've always been intrigued by the people who live in the "I love everyone" arena.
What's the same?
The people want to know.
Redditor sencecore wanted to hear from all the bisexual people out there who felt like sharing.
"Bisexual people of Reddit, what would you say is the main difference between dating women and men?"
Let's discuss the WHOLE menu.
IssuesTalk Show Problem GIF by Rooster TeethGiphy
"Women are more neurotic and men are more emotionally unavailable. Dating women tends to make me feel like I’m not good enough while dating men tends to make me feel alone and unheard."
"go with the flow"
"There's a few differences that i've noticed at least in my experiences. Women- whenever i'm with women, either romantically or just hooking up, it's always softer and more sensual. the dates are more relaxed and the sex lasts longer, and is seemingly softer. They take their time to get you to your peak and will always take care of you after the act is over."
"Men- more excitement definitely. dates can range from getting dinner to going out and doing random activities. i don't have to worry as much about what i'm doing either as the ones i've encountered have been more 'go with the flow' types. when it comes to sex with men it's always slightly faster, less emphasis on foreplay depending on who i'm with. it's always rougher too (which isn't a bad thing)."
"There's not as much aftercare after the sex unless you're dating them. I have fun with both men and women despite the differences that i've noticed between the two. it's always something different depending on who you're with. never truly a bad thing."
"ETA: Forgot to add that I'm a woman lol, for the few who wanted to know."
Woman hear me roar...
"I'm a woman..."
"In general when I’m around/interacting with other women, even just friends/acquaintances I automatically take on a more dominant and masculine energy. I even notice I tend to use a deeper more monotone voice with women vs men that’s very unintentional."
"Men is opposite, I always feel more submissive energy wise, like I allow them to take lead sexually. Personally I like this more, it’s less work for me mentally and emotionally to not be the dominant presence although I do feel like I’m more dominant and assertive in nature."
"I don’t know if any of that made any sense."
"Women are easier to connect to emotionally, men are easier to connect to sexually. I don't like that it is that way, I'd love to have better sex with women and more intimacy/love with men. But that's been my experience so far."
"ETA: I'm not saying my ex-gfs were bad in bed or my ex-bfs didn't love me; they did and they were great!"
"Just saying that, as a woman, it's easier for me to get into deep trust and emotional connection with another woman, and it's easier (and faster) to get into the hot sex stuff with a man. I imagine this is a socialization issue. They're both wonderful, though."
Attachments...Girl Lesbians GIFGiphy
"Men say they are cool with hooking up with no emotional attachment. They aren’t. I’ve found women are more able to do that."
Everyone has hook up issues, no matter what they say.
WallsBlocking Video Games GIF by Far Cry 6Giphy
"So, I think being a man, being with men it’s easier to put my guard down and be more myself. I don’t have to always 'be the man.' I can be vulnerable sometimes. If I’m with a woman, I can never be vulnerable because I feel like I have to be the strong one."
Just for me...
"Bi woman here. Pros of being with a man: I don’t get judged for it, I feel more protected, we can have kids. Pros of being with a woman: we relate to each other more, we don’t have to use protection, we can share more things (like clothes and makeup). And honestly just being attracted to a man vs a woman is very different, for me at least."
"Dating a girl for me feels like a more level playing field. I feel like we can get each other on a whole other level. We both have girly bits, periods, we relate to each other’s struggles more easily, and I know my way around so I can always be sure I can please her or at least know exactly what she’s talking about if she corrects me."
"With men, the connection is definitely still there, it’s just different. Don’t get me wrong, men are very much capable of sharing the weight of your struggles, they can please you if you teach them how, they are great partners, but it’s not as automatic or natural as my connection to women."
"I find that it takes longer for me to connect with men than women, but the connection I do have with my boyfriend now is deeper than I’ve ever had with anyone before. Moral of the story, both are great, they both have strengths and weaknesses, but they are different."
"Bi woman here, casual sex with women is great. You can go out for brunch the next day and just be friends. In my experience, casual sex with a man is impossible. They either treat you like garbage right after, I assume due to not wanting you to catch feelings. Or they get weird because they have caught feelings and don’t know how to act."
It's all a Mess...crazy cuckoo GIFGiphy
"The men I've been with tend to be emotional, insecure, touch-starved."
"The women tend to be flaky, overly confident, impassionate about anything."
It sounds like no matter the gender, there will always be issues.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below!
Photographs hold a special place in our society. They remind us of precious memories with friends and family, they let us share the ridiculous things our pets do with the world, they teach us about the state of the world far away from us, they've even become a form of shorthand communication in the form of image macro memes.
The phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words" is definitely a cliche for a reason.
Content Note: This article contains some very disturbing imagery.
Redditor Curlaub asked:
"What do you think is the single greatest photograph in history?"
"This one makes my heart race every time."
"A pickup truck flees from the pyroclastic flows spewing from the Mt. Pinatubo volcano in the Philippines."
"The photo of Bruce McCandless floating untethered in space:"
"That is f**king terrifying."
"Imagine skydiving and the chute fails, but instead of having a couple of minutes to contemplate your fate as the ground rapidly approaches, you have hours as you slowly drift off into space, wondering whether your suit radio will go before your oxygen does, knowing there's nothing you can do but watch everything every other human has ever known drift away from you for all eternity."
A bomb disposal expert walks to defuse a potential explosive device in Northern Ireland (1970)"
"The first Hubble Deep Field"
"Context for anyone who doesn't know what the Deep Field is:"
"Back in the day, NASA asked 'hey, what do you reckon is out there where there's no stars?'"
"So to answer this, they pointed the hubble telescope at a spot in the night sky where nothing was visible. No stars, no galaxies, no nothing. To our understanding on that day, there was nothing there. Maybe one or two galaxies would shine dimly in the distance, with light so faint from so far away that we couldn't pick it up with conventional imagery."
"But instead of hubble giving us an image of darkness and emptiness (Which is ostensibly what most people though was out there before this image) it beamed back THAT."
"THAT is what is all around us. Pick a tiny speck of the night sky between any two stars, and zoom in far enough, and this is what you see. Galaxies, thousands of them, stretching off into infinity."
"Every speck of light in that image is a new galaxy, comprising millions to billion of stars."
"And when Hubble first looked there, we thought it was empty."
"This isn't the night sky. This is past the stars. This is in between, beside, and behind every single star in the sky. Galaxies stretching off into infinity, innumerable to count."
"Close your thumb and forefinger into a circle, so there's a tiny gap you can look through. Now hold your arm out to the sky and look through the gap. That picture would fit in that gap (probably, I'm not a mathematician or an astronomer but just go with me on this)"
"Now move your hand back and forth across the sky and remember that picture every single time your hand moves."
"That is what we discovered the day that image was made."
"More recently, NASA released the 'ultra deep field' which is much the same thing. An image that is one ten-millionth of the sky."
"The following link is to that image and is 60 megabytes (so be warned if you're on mobile) http://zebu.uoregon.edu/hudf/hudf.jpg"
"That, times ten million is what is around us."
The Burning Monk
"My vote would go to the burning monk"
"David Halberstam wrote:"
"'I was to see that sight again, but once was enough. Flames were coming from a human being; his body was slowly withering and shriveling up, his head blackening and charring. In the air was the smell of burning human flesh; human beings burn surprisingly quickly. Behind me I could hear the sobbing of the Vietnamese who were now gathering. I was too shocked to cry, too confused to take notes or ask questions, too bewildered to even think… As he burned he never moved a muscle, never uttered a sound, his outward composure in sharp contrast to the wailing people around him.'"
\u201c\ud83e\uddd8\ud83c\udffd\u200d\u2642\ufe0f The Burning Monk, 1963\n\n\u201cNo news picture in history has generated so much emotion around the world as that one.\u201d \u2014John F. Kennedy\n\nLink: https://t.co/c7tryYWcHs\u201d— RAHH (@RAHH) 1663754108
Horror of Horrors
"This photo came to mind as well. World War II is such a bottomless well of history."
"It was arguably the first truly "'modern' conflict (although that title is sometimes awarded to WWI, the Korean War, or the Vietnam War, depending on context), and was thus the first time in history that war could be captured in such remarkable detail. Widespread photography allowed moments of unimaginable strife, conflict, and horror to be preserved indefinitely, and thereby permeate public consciousness. It was the point at which the focus of war journalism shifted from large-scale statistics to the experiences of individuals, whenceupon newspapers could show an entire nation the fear in one young man's eyes, or the inhumanly thin, spindly limbs of a woman who starved to death. Looking back, this seems like the moment the world realized, 'why are we doing this to ourselves; this is horrible.'"
Aid From the Padre
"The priest and the dying soldier by Héctor Rondón Lovera"
- Deleted User
"The priest was known in the town and so neither side shot at him. He spent the battle picking up the wounded and giving last rites to the dying. Here are more: https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/priest-dying-soldier-1962/"
- Deleted User
"For me it's this picture of a nuclear blast a fraction of a second after it detonated, by Harold Eugene Edgerton"
"Is there a size reference for how big this is?"
"I had a presentation about this once, really interesting stuff. This is about 100 ft / 30m in diameter."
Oldest Photo of a Person
"And the only reason they got it was because the one guy was getting a shoeshine, so they were pretty much motionless for a while. It's interesting how you can become famous completely unexpectedly--and in this case, presumably even unknown to you yourself. This guy probably got his shoes done, paid, and went about his day, and he had no idea that people decades later would be seeing it happen and that it'd be one of the world's most significant images."
Lunch Atop a Skyscraper
"I really like this one picture where workers in New York (I think) are doing construction on a skyscraper and they're all sitting on this giant steel beam that's just hanging hundreds of feet in the air. It's called lunch atop a sky scraper. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lunch_atop_a_Skyscraper"
- Deleted User
"Almost every lifetime journeyman Ironworker I know has this picture [in] their home somewhere"
Photography can expose us to knowledge and experiences far outside our own lives, but it's important to remember that a photo never tells the whole story. Context matters.
Breaks aren't meant to be comedy fodder.
But if you don't laugh you'd only be crying.
I've never thought of throwing in a little wit when dumping someone.
Maybe it would've eased the pain.
Or gotten me punched in the face.
Let's hear some relationship humor for the bitter end.
Redditor Jamicandude69 wanted to hear all the creative one liners people have used to drop someone.
"IF people used 'break up lines' instead of 'pick up lines' what would some of them be??"
I've only broken up or been broken up with the old fashioned way.
Cherishmadonna cherish GIFGiphy
"I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you."
"That is so good. Wish I would have thought to say that as a parting line to my ex-wife!"
"Hahahahaha haha this is cold!"
"If you take the 'L' out of LOVER. It's OVER."
"Gotta hold up the thumb and forefinger 'L' as this is said, of course."
"You droppin' Ls."
"Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend. Not so fast."
"A private was at boot camp when his father died. The mother asked the drill sergeant to let him know. So he had all the privates line up, and said, take a step forward if you have a dad. When the boy stepped forward the drill sergeant said, 'What are you doing stepping forward private, your father’s dead.'"
"We need to cover more ground so we should split up."
"Shaggy, you and Scooby check the basement, Velma check the library, Daphne and I will check the bedrooms."
"NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY!"
BurnSeason 5 Wow GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy
"I checked my heart and it seems to be pretty broken down and my love for you is pretty empty so I’ll go investigate my thoughts."
The gym destroys everything.
Stay home...Pumping Iron Sport GIF by Joko GIFsGiphy
"Hey babe, I think it's about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore."
"Damn, I left my ex after a fight involving me taking her off my gym membership. I should have used this."
"A boyfriend when I was 14 and I agreed if we ever broke up we would text the other 'I break up with you.' He broke up with me and didn't use the line. Weak. I loved him more than he loved me and it was too much for him. We stayed friends for years after until he got another girlfriend and she didn't like me and told him we had to stop talking, 10 years later they're still together and we haven't spoken since."
"Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet."
"Girl, you look like a piece of lettuce and I'm going off my diet."
"This reminds me of some meme I saw years ago that said 'Your pants say yoga but your butt says McDonalds.'"
"You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years."
"Sometimes goodbye is a second chance."
"So a long distance relationship? I don’t know. I’m just not ready for that level of commet-ment right now."
"Are we tectonic plates? Because we’re drifting apart."
"The use of tectonic plates could also be used as the pick up line for the same person. For example..."
"Are you a tectonic plate? Cause I'd love to to ram into you with force resulting in tremendous friction and heat."
"They say opposites attract, but you’re just too negative for me."
Let Gotrue love cry GIFGiphy
"Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down."
"Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke."
"That wouldn’t be good for me I would owe her $25k in debt if the relationship was like my financial status."
"I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying: roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you."
"When I was in middle school I told a boy I was dumping him. He confidently yelled 'You can't dump me, I'm not garbage!' Respect. Allan was, and probably is, a very awesome dude. Sorry I dumped you in middle school."
Wow... people are ruthless when a relationship ends. Just say goodbye.
Some things are deceptively simple.
Oh, skydiving? That's easy.
Love yourself? Simple.
Who can't open a can of pickles?
ME! ME! That's who. I can't do any of the above simply.
It's all hard. And you know it too.
It's just designed to" look" easy only to bamboozle us.
Approach everything as a burden and live by a motto...
Redditor pterv2112 wanted to hear about the things that are truthfully not so simple.
"What looks easy peasy lemon squeezy but is actually difficult difficult lemon difficult?"
Monopoly. For the life of me, I can't get the hang of that game. I don't care anymore.
Play it...Saturday Night Live Happy Dance GIFGiphy
"Playing the triangle. A lot of my non-musician friends joke about how easy it is to play it. Then they actually hold the damn thing and look stupid."
It's A Lot!
"Work. I'm a lawyer and had a client call saying she needs a help with a merger, but 'don't worry, it's super easy peasy lemon squeezy.' That project took 6 months and I almost had a breakdown. She didn't understand why the bill was so high since it was SO easy."
"Gotta love how the layman lumps all lawyers together as the sleazy snakeoil salesman type without realizing or appreciating the sheer complexity of the legal work involved."
"Dancing. I wouldn't say it looks 'easy,' but when I see people do it, they're so good at it and it flows so well it looks easy. But damn, I just CANNOT get my body to do anything more than a bop and maybe some stupid arm moves. I'm 25 and dance like a 50 year old at a reunion. Dancers are so delicate and make it look so easy, it's honestly amazing. It's just hilarious when I try to do literally anything and fail horribly."
"Whistling with your fingers."
"My cousin taught me when we were in our tweens. It's come in very helpful whistling for the dogs and horses at feeding time."
"What I always wanted to learn was how my grandpa whistled without having to stick dirty fingers in my mouth. Nothing like cleaning stalls, then trying to whistle for horses with sh*t-covered hands. Washing them in near-freezing buckets of water wasn't a first choice either."
It's a...Studying Hand-Made GIF by Philippa RiceGiphy
"Drawing something from memory. Like a bird or something. In mind - yep that's a bird On paper - that's... a bird?"
Drawing birds is impossible; mine look like mules.
Go DeepDigging Blue Collar GIF by JC Property ProfessionalsGiphy
"Digging. Anytime it's shown in movies or TV it looks easy AF but the second you have to grab a shovel and break dirt... bleh."
"A basic physical exam at the doctor. Looks like a simple 'look at the throat' - 'listen to the chest' - 'yup they have a heart all right.' When in actuality Doctors spend thousands of hours practicing it so that when you come in with a murmur or 'Funny-looking-kid-syndrome' they can recognize it immediately."
"And yes, there are entire class sections on how to respectfully ask your patient to turn their head and cough as you push on their testicles (they're looking for hernias)."
"Street names. Everyone thinks it's great fun and likes to offer suggestions but every tree, lake, and other natural feature has at least a dozen variations which you can't repeat for emergency service reasons. That and you get cities which want a street name change anytime the road changes direction regardless of a logical break point like an intersection."
"'Natural' makeup. More work than 'regular' makeup."
"To be honest this reminds me of a video I watched of a visual effects artist explaining his job, If no one notices your work on the footage you've done your job well, its only when you mess up do people notice."
"This is painfully true for a lot of jobs. When nobody notices, it means you did an excellent job but no one will give you credit because they aren't even aware there is credit due. But the moment you slightly f**k up, you're the worst person in your profession."
The SqueezeAs If Lol GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"Making lemonade. Sure squeezing one lemon is easy peasy, but do you know how much juice that makes? Not a lot."
I love Lemonade... the drink and the album... but I have no patience to make it.