They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a lot of things that make you happy!
1. Well, one ultra-rich person in particular. The CEO for a company I used to work for put a giant tank (pool) with a submerged "sunken ship" inside of it in his back yard so that he could scuba dive around in it.
2. Watching the weather report for multiple cities with ski resorts. If a lot of snow drops someplace, on moments notice a group of about a dozen will meet up at the private jet and go skiing for a couple days. During the trip, they might jet over to see a nearby sporting event. Then back to work as if nothing special just happened. A couple days later the designated accountant on the trip will send a spreadsheet around to everyone with their part of the bill for the trip. This bill can also include loses from the poker games played on the jet during flights.
3. Dated a guy who had a place at Ocean Reef (super exclusive, extremely wealthy community in upper Florida keys).
Sat with 5 other couples, going back and forth about whose mega yacht we should take out that evening.
Bob and Cindy's is the closest to the canal... but oh, Jim and Donna's is bigger! But, Mark and Tina's jacuzzi is already heated!... but Dale and Ira's has a full staff tonight!
I was just like... I have a kayak...
4. Seasonal furniture.
"Well, it's getting on into April so we better get the spring couches and chaise lounges out of storage, and swap out the winter dining table and china for the spring set. Better get out all the matching drapes, too."
5. Buy property in London and dig out the basement 2-3 stories for conversion to luxury living.
6. Buying and selling people. Let me explain... (Continued)
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Buying and selling people. And then getting them to battle in front of an audience of thousands of people. On a football field.
7. Legally watch current theatrical films in the privacy of your own home theatre.
8. They buy fine art - museum-quality pieces - when it becomes for sale and hold on to it until it appreciates to a point where it's worth more to collectors than they originally paid for it.
That way, not only do they make a tidy profit, but they also get to enjoy the artwork in their homes as it increases in value.
9. Oh it gets so much better than that. They give it away and make money doing so. This information is pretty old, so these loopholes might have closed or changed in some places, but it goes like this:
1. Buy painting for $1 million
2. Painting appreciates to $2 million
3. Donate painting to a museum. Museum pays you the $1 million you originally paid for it, so you get your original money back.
4. The $1 million of appreciation is considered a donation, which is tax deductible so you get to deduct that from your taxable income. This saves you (in the US) ~40% of $1,000,000 (or $400,000). In the past or in other countries, the top tax rate might be as high as 60% or even 90%.
So, you get your money back, plus a $400,000 (or $600,000 or $900,000) profit. You don't have to pay capital gains on the appreciation of the painting. You also don't have to pay a broker's fee. Plus, selling a multi-million dollar work of art can take a long time and with an auction, there's no guarantee you'd get the appraised price anyway. With an appraisal, you get someone to tell you what the price is. You are paying the appraiser. What do you think the odds are he's going to tell you a price you don't like?
Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.
Before 1969, this worked as described above. But, the top marginal tax bracket abused the crap out of this loophole, so they changed it. Since then, you do have to pay capital gains tax on a portion of the difference between the sales price and the fair market value, as I'll show below.
People have a bit more to say about this, so I'll go through... (Continued)
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Complaint #1 It's not a donation if you get paid! You just sold it cheap!
Yes and no. The portion of the fair market value that you got paid for is a sale. The portion of the value you didn't get paid for is a donation. Note this only works when you're selling something to a qualified charity. It's called a "bargain sale".
Complaint #2 You could sell it and make a $1 million profit!
Yes, sometimes. Obviously people still sell art so it's not always best to donate. But remember, this isn't a used lawn mower you can throw on Craigslist and someone will come pick it up this afternoon. There's maybe a handful of people in the world who can afford a multi-million dollar work of art and might be interested in buying it. If none of them happen to want the piece you're selling, you're out of luck. You ain't selling no art today.
Because of the aforementioned scarcity of buyers, you're going to need a broker like Sotheby's or Christie's to sell it. They don't work for free. They can charge up to 20% of the sales price in fees. So your $2 million sale - $400,000 fee gets you $1.6 million. Some money right now is often worth more than theoretical money some years later, or maybe never.
Complaint #3 The museum can't/won't pay for a painting!
They can and will. They can turn around and sell it for the fair market value for a $1 million profit because they're a non-profit so they don't have to pay capital gains tax and they're a museum so they don't have to hire a broker because people who want to buy art will come to them. If it's a particularly famous piece (which it probably is if it's doubled in price) they can exhibit it and drive ticket sales.
Also, as other people mentioned, this is only the tip of the iceberg. You can loan it to a museum and get a deduction for that. You can start your own museum and avoid taxes that way. There's all kinds of crazy things you can do with trusts.
Look, I'm not going to say rich people are all smart. I've met plenty of dumb ones. But you don't get and stay rich by being stupid about money. If they're paying millions or tens of millions of dollars for art it's because there's an angle in it somewhere where they can come out ahead. Yes, they're not infallible, they can get burned sometimes (you don't get rich by being risk-averse either), but they're not just romantic art-lovers either.
10. The following is a true story based on real events
"Hey -whostolemyusername- you wanna fly down on my jet to Myrtle Beach and Golf tomorrow?"
"uh...I have work...sorry"
11. Using the term "Summer" as a verb. (eg: we're going to summer in the Hamptons)
12. Go abroad for dinner.
I hear of wealthy Londoners (or nearby) who simply jump in their helicopter and fly to Paris for an evening meal, then come home again.
13. Having house managers at all of their properties. These people coordinate all the domestic staff, and manage the properties so that they are instantly liveable at a moment's notice (down to the flowers of choice in every room) even if the owners only come in for a week or two in a year.
Their secretaries will usually call the house manager the day before saying "oh they'll be in London for a few days" and the manager will arrange everything from the pickup at the airport in the cars he knows each member prefers, coordinate with the secretaries to figure out any appointments they may have, instruct the chef to make their favourite menus.... all of this is done without any input from the owner. That's what they pay for.
14. This one is pretty messed up. My classmate at university was from a wealthy Russian family that had (Continued)
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that had deep connections to the government and oil industry. He was so ridiculously rich that I couldn't even fathom it.
Anyways he found a few friends of similar ilk and they started some kind of underground club where they would fly in really hot Instagram models from all over the world for "photoshoots". In return for buying them nice clothes and things like that, they would hold just ridiculous sex parties where some really messed up stuff went down. Think the kinkiest of the kinky and that is what they did.
The only reason I even knew about it is because I worked as a part-time limo driver and these guys would occasionally hire me to drive their girls around. Before you ask, I never got in on the action.
15. I just learned the other day that wealthy families go on "shopping trips" to other states just for shopping.
Never considered that some people might say "hey this weekend, let's fly to New York and get some new stuff." without having an underlying reason to be there (visiting family, business, tourism)
Also, my friend growing up had another friend who had a legit Giraffe taxidermied (?) in his bedroom that was multiple stories.
16. I was once offered the opportunity for someone to run me a bath for $500 at a hotel (no added perks, not sexual, no company- just a bath with rose petals blah blah). No thanks.
17. I had some family friends growing up that had a handmade monopoly table.
It was wooden with silver pieces, and they used real cash.
18. I have a relative by marriage who buys land just so (Continued)
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just no one can develop it.
19. Met a cool young girl at my college - she was like a princess - she said that was the closest English word to describe her status. Before coming to school, she had NEVER - dressed herself, bathed herself, walked up or down stairs without a maid holding her hand... I initially found this out when I heard her ask someone for help going down a flight of, like, 6 stairs. She was cool about it, though, and learning.
20. Not just the ultra rich doing it, but a new one on me... Valet garbage service.
I was out in LA walking around a neighborhood (not gated). You tell it was the kind of neighborhood where people would have housekeepers.
It happened to be garbage day. Suddenly all these brown skinned people appeared. They went into the yards, got the garbage cans from where they were stored. Wheeled them out to the curb, then as soon as the garbage truck passed, they wheeled the garbage cans back into hiding.
I talked to someone who lived there and turns out it's part of the homeowners' agreement that garbage cans cannot be left on the curb at all and they paid an extra fee for this mandatory valet garbage service.
21. Building an extra wing onto the mansion to display 30,000 mounted dove heads.
22. My cousins have travel-around tutors that go with them when they travel around the world, so they technically never miss school. They aren't bound by the schedule of public or private schools in Texas, where they technically "live".
Also, they were just in South America shooting (Continued)
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Also, they were just in South America shooting Dove (apparently) and they killed 30,000 in a single week, between my uncle, his 15-year-old son and his 12-year-old son.
My step-grandfather (uncle's father) was...displeased about the display, despite having been a hunter his whole life. Somehow, in his age, he's discovered the wrongness of some of the things he's killed. Specifically about doves he said, "I was at the [country club] last week and they have lots of doves out there. The regular gray ones and the white-wing variety. And they're just so beautiful and I said to myself, 'How could you have ever killed these magnificent things? How could you look at yourself in the mirror?'"
This man has been a hunter for most of his life and he's sworn off of it forever. He doesn't even fish anymore.
23. A girl I know is a nanny for a very rich family and they flew her to the other side of the world to take care of one of their three kids. Just one. The other two have their own separate nannies.
24. Buying their kid's way into a particular school, especially alma maters.
All it takes is a few well-timed donations, and suddenly your kid gets a private tour, lunch with alumni relations officers, and consultations with an admissions specialist. There are all sorts of assurances that this is so the kid can get to know the school, and that none of these people influence admissions.
But really. Assuming the kid isn't truly dumb, a couple hundred thousand goes a long way in helping them "stand out" from the crowd.
25. Old money in my part of the world have a thing for fully restored private railcars, with all the modern amenities of a high end RV. They pay to have a track branched to their personal storage shed and then take them out maybe once every other year. Of course the process of taking them out involves paying a company such as Amtrak to haul the thing to their main line, hook it up to a commercial passenger train, and then lug them around the country to their destination. Get a handful of private railcar owners together and they hitch up, rent an engine, and tour the country with close friends the old fashion way on entirely private luxury train.
They say you can never have enough of a good thing, but we all know there's plenty of stuff that you'd like to just go, "Oh, no thank you" about and that would be that.
Unfortunately, that pretty much never actually works.
Try telling the electric company "no thanks" when the way too high bill comes, or just putting up a hand to decline work for the next week or so because you're just kind of over it.
Consequences and repercussions, folks. But you've got to admit some stuff would just be better if it was... less.
Reddit user DuckyMomo_12 asked:
"What’s something that would be 100% better if it was slightly shorter?"
Time At WorkExcited Happy Hour GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphy
"Average work hours"
"Seriously. My current company has us work 37.5 hour weeks with a paid hour lunch. I don’t know if I could go back to the 40 hour/unpaid 30 min lunch again. It seems like such a small change but it feels like a lot."
"Everything is getting more expensive right now because of corporate greed. Don't buy the bs that it's just inflation."
"Your bosses are making profits and squeezing you for everything you're worth in the process. Remember that while you bust your @ss for them."
"So would you take a pay cut so you can work less?"
"If you work less, yes. But if you do the same amount of work in less hours, no."
"I moved to US a the beginning of this year and that is something which drives me crazy. People are so inefficient when they work, here."
"Why not just do your job rapidly, with great care and concentration then leave to have your life?! I was in Germany, UK and France before and that's what people do. You do your job and when it's finished, around 3 or 4 pm, they just go home or to gym, or other places. Having time for you is the reward for working well."
"Yeah that's a good way to look at it"
"My nose hair."
"Dude... tell me about it. I didn't need excessive nose hair at 26, why TF do I need it at 36."
"Seriously, I can trim for minutes and the next morning I got nose hairs coming out my nose tickling the sh*t out of me!"
"Oh and there is one cheeky hair all the way up in my left nostril that will grow all curled up in my nose and all of a sudden it just starts poking out, seriously now, this thing has grown to about 2 inches long. if i pull on it, I swear to god it feels like it tugs on either the back of my head or my left eye."
"I got nose hair for days."
"I just bought a beard/hair trimmer that has a nose/ear hair accessory, my nose hairs weren't excessively long but I feel like it looks much better now!"
"This is fortuitous cuz I wondered if I'd ever get to tell this story! Literally, cleaning/fixing things in my new home about 3 hours ago."
"My nose got tickled and I i couldn't rub it because I had wood glue gloved hands. So I'm washing up and staring in the mirror at all the stuff my (generally maintained, but neglected because I can't find sh*t) nose hairs kept out of my system. It was AMAZING! DUST WAS DANCING IN MY NOSE HAIR LIKE I'VE SPUN CHARLOTTE'S WEB."
"I, honestly, felt lucky to get a chance to appreciate my nose hair. And I hope 1 day you do, too. As for me? I'm still left in awe like that'll do, pig, that'll do."
Lines For FunEpisode 2 Waiting In Line GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"Lines at any amusement park."
"Go during September or October. The lines are much shorter and the weather isn't too hot or cold"
"One year my father's company and maybe a couple others rented Disneyland for one night. There were enough people that it didn't feel empty, but not so many that we couldn't just walk right up and immediately get on any ride. I was old enough to be on my own."
"One of the big perks of staying at one of the Disney hotels is they have certain nights that the park closes for everyone but the people that are staying there. We chilled at the hotel for most of the day then went in late and walked up to every attraction we wanted. My kid loved space mountain and we must have ridden it 10 times in a row. Glorious."
"Me. I hate hitting my knees on the seat in front when using public transport"
"Tall gang represent. Got the opposite problem tho, 31 inch inseam, all my height is torso. Crack my head on every ceiling in every personal vehicle I've ever owned bar one"
"I don’t fit on airlines. Flying sucks…"
"Frequent festival go-er, I always stand in the back because I hate blocking other peoples view"
"You took the words right out my mouth"
This One Is Advance
"Queues. This is a two for one, as the word queue would also be 100% better if it was shorter."
"The word queue is just the letter Q with a bunch of extra letters waiting in line."
"I've seen people using 'cue' like 'cue up', but idk if they're just americans that suck at using the right word because we don't call lines 'queues' as often."
RestTired Baby GIFGiphy
"The amount of time you need to sleep"
"How I wish 5 hours was enough..."
"I honestly wish I could sleep more, maybe it would help with my loneliness. I usually need 6 or 7.5 h based on prior activity"
"Supreme court appointments."
"Justices should serve an 18 year term, with each one staggered every two years."
"A: that is still plenty of time so that the court can be "above" politics, but a lot more sensible than a lifetime."
"B: it would eliminate this hair-on-fire panicked emergency that happens every time one of them suddenly dies and needs to be replaced. Every president gets to appoint two new justices per term like clockwork, predictable and calculable. No more political wrangling over who controls the Senate vs who is president vs how much time there is before the election and all that BS."
"Agreed. Lifetime is a bit much... I do believe in term limits across all branches of US govt . By all means make a difference for the people that voted for you or for the party that appointed you. But, a lifetime appointment. 🥺🙄"
NFLCollege Football Running GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphy
"Football (American) games. Especially things like replay reviews and timeouts after kickoffs and change of possession. Sure, guys would get more tired and worn down late in the games but that would be part of the strategy."
"I grew up watching football with my dad. I always hated it (and still do) and always thought why do people enjoy watching a minute play with five minutes of whatever after before the next one, it's so goddamn boring to me."
"A football game is played in 4 quarters, each 15 minutes long, with a 12 minute halftime in the middle. So do the math and a football game lasts. . . 3 friggin hours!?!? And the last 3 minutes of the 4th quarter accounts for 45 minutes of that time!"
"As a big American Football fan, I completely agree. I think the biggest culprits are the endless commercials but 3 hours is just too much. The players would adapt and you would likely see some reduction in size, especially on the line. Being 400 Lbs with that amount of PED assisted muscle is questionable as it is."
"Same thing with baseball but the purists like the pitchers taking 20 minutes before each pitch for whatever reason. I like Soccer too and watching a match get knocked out in 1.5 hours and getting on with my day is great."
More Days To Enjoy
"Work week, 4 day work week, 3 day rest would be fantastic"
"I used to do 4 day work week, and I preferred it more than 5 day work weeks. Sure, I had to spend 10 hours at the office, but that 3rd day off gave me a day I could take my Mom to the doctor if needed."
"The job I worked the longest at had me on a 4 on/4 off schedule. 12 hour days. I was there for 8 years, honestly loved that job, and one of the cool things about working 12 hour days for 8 years was that it made transitioning to 8 hour days a breeze. The downside was 2 day weekends f*cking suck."
"I would love that. You need the middle day. Then you get a day to rest/decompress, a day to have fun/do things, and a day to do chores/get sh*t in order for the week."
"Most recently, Gray Man. They need to chill with the 2+ hour movies."
"If the writers really knows what they are doing with the story and the actors nail the, well, acting, I don't mind 2hr movies."
"For me the main issue is that they tend to cut short, as if they halfway through filming realize that 'Oh shoot, this movie will end up 4hrs long'."
"I'd rather have a 4 episode mini-series with hour long episodes instead."
"I feel like any bollywood movie not clockin in at 3 hrs is pretty short. But the good ones make it seem short. Ex: Three Idiots, PK"
Which of these resonated with you most?
More importantly, what needs to be on this list that you don't see?
Gripe with me in the comments, folks! It's always a good time.
Life is a mystery full of mysteries.
Some we'll finally get, some will stay a conundrum forever.
Eventually we have to stop caring.
Take in strides the things that will finally make sense.
And let loose the things that twist your brain.
Just sit back and say...
"I will never get it. Oh well."
Maybe without the stress, one day, we will.
Redditor Dangerous_Mobile9188 wanted to discuss what aspects of life still leave confusion. They asked:
"What do you genuinely not understand?"
Life is full of quandaries that I give up on trying to figure out.
Everywhere?Emoji Corona GIF by BallcomGiphy
"Why people can't use a public restroom without literally pooping all over the freaking toilet."
around the grooves...
"How a single needle can run through the grooves on a record and produce a fully layered and 'separated' sound. I mean, I get how it works in theory. But like... how tf does it work."
"I know how it works, and I understand how it works, and I was gleefully trying to convey this knowledge to a friend when I realized that I am not able to explain how it works, which essentially means that I don’t actually get how it works."
"The thought process of a cat trying to jump on a self that is clearly filled with stuff and doesn't have space for it to land safely."
"The opposite, actually... how on earth does my cat jump on a shelf filled with stuff and somehow always land elegantly with all four paws between all the stuff without dropping a single thing? It surprises me every time."
"50% of cats have a 6th sense to avoid everything and 50% of cats are clumsy as hell. 100% of cats think they have the skill though."
"How consciousness works."
"I'm shocked no one has replied to this. Because yea. I haven't the slightest clue and i honestly don't think scientists know exactly how either. Such a complex system that turns into our thoughts and feelings, this is one of those things that REALLY made me appreciate the intricacies of our bodies."
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"Every time my grandmother sees me, I seem to grow taller and more attractive."
I love grandmas. They understand everything.
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"How people can raise a functioning family at the age of 18 or 19? I can't even hold my own life together."
"Squatter rights! They confuse the hell outta me."
"Right! So you’re telling me, I can get evicted/foreclosed for missing some payments… but you can’t get rid of squatters who declare a house theirs ? I should just become a squatter then haha."
"Squatting is basically the same. It's not that they just get to live there, but the landlord has to use the proper legal mechanism (eviction) to get rid of them. And sometimes, that can take quite some time."
"How crypto mining works... like what exactly are these huge setups doing and why do GPUs matter so much? I've read several articles about it and I still don't get it."
"This is an oversimplification, but they're trying to solve a math problem. If they get the answer, they get rewarded with crypto. But the math problem is very very hard. There's no 'steps' to find the answer, it's just guess and check."
"So you need to make as many guesses as possible to see if one of your guesses is right. And it just so happens that GPUs are very good at making these guesses. So if 1 GPU can make let's say 22,000 guesses every second, then two GPUs can make 44,000 guesses every second. 10 GPUs can make 220,000 guesses every second, and so on."
"The wave-particle duality."
"This is the one man. For me this is the biggest mystery. Look, I don't care how the universe came to be. I mean I do, but this is much crazier to me. HOW DOES REALITY REACT DIFFERENTLY BASED ON OBSERVATION ALONE I sear this haunts me at night. Do i even exist man."
"Long story short, observing something at the quantum level is not as benign as observing, say, a runner on a racetrack. In observing something so small, the mere act of doing so affects the behavior/outcome. Imagine having to knock the aforementioned runner over in order to know where they are on the track. That's more or less how it was explained to me."
MagicRoss Mcelwee Photography GIF by FilmStruckGiphy
"Cameras, I’ve been explained and seen explanations 100 times. It’s still magic to me."
Maybe there are just somethings we're not meant to understand.
We all want to attain it.
Some people dedicate their lives to having it.
But who can say what is and is not attractive?
The older you get, the more serious and realistic you get with the topic.
And grapple with whether it really matters.
RedditorBig-Courage-7297 wanted to know what some people really thought when they looked into a mirror.
"How hot do you think you are? Why?"
Depending on the minute and the era, I fluctuate in my response. Oh, and depending on my sodium intake.
Middle of the way...Mackenzie Ziegler Makeup GIF by Brat TVGiphy
"5, am not ugly nor a beauty."
"'Perfectly balanced, as all things should be' JK... you probably look great."
"I give myself a solid 'alright for an old guy' out of 10."
"Comparing myself to when I was young I feel like a 2. However if I look around at other guys my age, I'm doing pretty great. Simply still having a full head of hair puts me in the top 15%."
"Occupying the latter half of the age bracket here too. And while I’ve never considered myself wildly attractive, one of my wife’s work friends once remarked to her, 'you didn’t tell me your husband was a silver fox!' I keep that one in my back pocket for gloomy days."
"My mom said I'm a 10/10."
"His mom also said I’m a 10/10. Im starting to think she says that about everyone who’s been inside her."
"Don't listen to these jealous haters you be that 10/10 and strut your stuff."
"Learning to love yourself, doesn't mean you don't see your own flaws but know where to improve and where and how you want to grow. Appreciate the goodness within even when it's hard, and work to have your ideal to be reflected on the outside too. Loving and forgiving yourself is the greatest peace you'll know, because everyone else might be gone at the end and you'll be left with you and your memories, make good ones. Spread positivity. 💕"
Changes with time...
"I think most people's scores fluctuate with age. I like to think I was a solid 8/10 in my early 20s. Then my metabolism crashed and I was working a desk job. I got real fat, got lazy, less effort, dropped to a 4/10. Got my s**t back together, lost the weight, started putting in the effort again, back up to an 8 if not higher in my 30s."
"Then I had a traumatic event in my life and I slipped into a dark place for many years. I put on weight again, stopped putting in the effort, general depression stuff, 5/10. Now I'm in my 40s, working on keeping my weight down, putting in some effort, solid 6/10..."
"But no matter what has happened, how low or high I've been... my wife has always considered me a 10. She's the best woman I've ever met and will always be a 10 to me too."
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"6 or 7 on a good day? 1 when I try to take a picture of myself."
God I hated picture day. Still do.
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"Solid 5. 6 on a good day with a fresh haircut."
"I have days where I think 'God da*n, look at me. I’m God’s gift,' and then other days where I think 'how does every mirror not break?'"
"Actually though. Part of it is I used to be super athletic but due to an injury now can’t, but go**amn, I could look quite literally like a sculpture of a Greek god or hero, but also a balding baby-faced creep. Also occasionally homeless. More often the two latter than the former"
"I think I was a 6 growing up. But now that I've matured into my late 30s I'm a solid 7."
"This is me except as a kid I’d give myself a 3. Long-haired greaseball in my teens but now in my 30s, exercising for the past decade has really helped me out. Solid 7/10."
"Man, I went from 4 to 8 to 5 in the span of 20 years. Metabolism is a *itch."
"I just remind myself that the me that looks bad in in some pictures/at some angles is the same me that looks good in other pictures/other angles, just a different version. There are some angles and types of lighting and mirrors that for whatever reason, will make just about anybody look bad. There is no such thing as someone who looks good when the phone camera opens itself and shows a view of you from under your chin."
Boy Magnetichabod crane mirror GIFGiphy
"I was objectively pretty hot when I was younger. Now I am an older hot, which is weird. Younger guys really dig me but I’m like, you weren’t even born when the Challenger blew up and I was at Uni."
We're all beautiful. Just keep saying that. Maybe it'll stick.
Humans rarely agree on anything anymore.
So it's refreshing when an agreement is reached among peers.
Even if it's usually about simple or dumb stuff.
RedditorBertarioni85wanted all the gents to sit and discuss some of their universal agreements.
"What is something that all men could agree on?"
PerfectRobert Redford Nod GIFGiphy
"The nod really is great and so versatile. It's like a 'What's up man... everything cool' Ya me too. 'Wulp see ya later.' Just perfect."
"If there can be an empty urinal between us, make it so."
"There are men out there that break this rule! I was the only one, and at the far right end of a row of 4 or 5 urinals. Man walks in and pulls up right beside me, unzips, and let’s her flow, all while audibly exhaling in relief.
When you gotta go!
"That we are happy we get the short bathroom line."
To add to this, I still marvel in amazement and am grateful when I walk into a bathroom at a stadium or sporting event and it's just an endless column of empty urinals. Then you see the ladies bathroom line wrapping around two different corners. There's so much room for activities in the men's bathroom."
"Lady Professor in college (2008) said I’d make an incredible husband to my wife someday. Girl at the drive thru line said I had a cool car in September of 2015. Lady gas station attendant complimented my outfit that day and said I had a good vibe (2018). Cashier said I was handsome while ringing me up a couple weeks ago. Point is we never forget when we get complimented out of the blue."
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"Click the tongs a couple times to make sure they work first."
"Makes me feel like a crab… a very powerful crab."
Wow. Guys are so easy. Like super easy...
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"Whenever we pick up a drill we have to do the bzzt... bzzt twice. No more, no less."
Sticks and Stones
"I picked it up because it’s like, a really good stick."
"I wonder if that's instinctive. I've read before that human anatomy is almost perfectly engineered for throwing and thrusting spears. Maybe men have evolved to be able to identify really good sticks and even now we're drawn to them as a vestigial trait because instead of relying on claws or teeth, our ancestors needed good spears."
On the X
"Put two men on the phone, and we’ll be done talking in two minutes. Put two men on Xbox live, and oh is it 2:00am? I should probably go to bed… after this game."
"This is so true. A few weeks back a good friend called me at 10 at night because he’s been having a tough time with fighting depression and all that. I talked to him for a minute or two on the phone, cheered him up a bit and offered to keep the chat going on xbox live. Turned into an hour and half of a good time talking and playing COD."
Gotta have it.
"It's better to have and not need than to need and not have."
"It's so bloody annoying not having the right tool for the job when you need it. I so long for the day when I will have a fully equipped garage with every tool I would ever need, to fix everything that needs fixing."
"My sister's car has cutlery, both steel and disposable. Have sewing kit, a flask, a bento box, and a complete stationery set. But, they don't even have a freaking umbrella and jumper in the car. Like, wtf. And mind you, we live in a tropical country where you should always assume every day is a rainy day."
Nothing!Ellen Page Sony GIF by FlatlinersGiphy
"Sometimes... I really am thinking about nothing. Literally... Flatline, nobody home, crickets in the field."
Ah men. What a quirky part of the species.