Any relationship takes effort and dedication, but they should never feel like weight on your shoulders. To avoid all the unnecessary drama and heavy heartedness in a romantic relationship it's probably a good idea to establish a few personal deal-breakers...even if they are a bit controversial.
The following Ask Redditors did just that. Below folks share their "Yea, it's going to be a no from me" stipulations.
Interested in more responses? Find the original source thread at the end of the article.
Spending money foolishly when you aren't in the position to or spending money foolishly in general, even if you have the money.
I was dating a girl that would constantly foolishly put things on her credit card when she was working at a coffee shop making just above minimum wage. She spent way above her means always making minimum payments on her card. Of course the credit card company loved this so they would send her notices that her limit can be increased. Stupidly enough she always accepted... At one point she had to move back home to pay off her debt. And even then her debt wasn't going down when she moved back...
My ex would buy clothes and instead of returning the clothes she changed her mind on (still had the receipt and tags on them) she wouldn't bother and would give them away. She also apparently bought her used car with her credit card (over $10 thousand) instead of financing it.
I can't be with someone that is that careless with money.
I don't date anyone with military affiliation. It has nothing to do with how I feel about the military itself, but with my own character. I know that I cannot handle the time apart, the constant travel, and the risk involved. I wouldn't subject another person to my hangups about it.
Being told that I had to give up my devoted cat before we could develop a deeper relationship or live together would be a deal-breaker.
(It's not because there were any allergy issues - only that they didn't like cats or dogs.)
I'll stand by my buddy: Mr. Kitty.
An obsession with hollywood and celebrities. I understand having a favorite actor or actress, but I don't give a crap about their relationships, their health advice, or any part of their personal lives.
My brother never shuts up what celebrities are up to and almost worships them. News flash. A lot are really not that great or worthy of that kind of attention and many are poor role models.
If he doesn't have even a single solid female relationship in his life. Like he's rude to his mother, sister, aunts, friend's girlfriends, female coworkers, etc. To me it raises as much a flag as if he says, "all my exes are crazy!"
If you cannot maintain a platonic relationship with a woman then I have very small hopes for your ability to maintain a romantic one.
I can't stand people who whine incessantly. I am totally down for a good vent, but every conversation shouldn't be a venting session. If I hear someone whine about a problem for hours and days on end, and then they don't do anything to fix it, it just starts to grate on my nerves terribly.
People always say you need to be supportive of your partner, but I'm not going to be the entire system propping them up. Also people with no ambition or passion in life. If I ask someone what their biggest life goal is, and it's just scraping together enough money to buy beer and cigarettes, I'm out.
When a woman begins to treat spending time together as a favor she is doing for me I am out. It usually comes through in subtle wording, but it is a deal breaker every time.
If we are planning out free time to see each other and she is only making small availability while I bend over backwards to make time.
Phrases in any way along the lines of, "If you do 'X' we can do 'Y'."
Any implication that being together is not a mutually enjoyed experience. It is all well and good to do certain things that the other person may or may not enjoy a great deal. I'll go to a symphony with her and she can come shooting with me. But some women can heir on the side of the whole dating experience being a favor.
Name calling during an argument. I've been called a the other word for female dog twice. Once because I missed a phone call due to bad reception and the other time because I had no money after mine and his bills (he wasn't working). I was buying groceries with a credit card and didn't want to buy a $3 bag of tortilla chips.
I sure as heck won't stand to hear that or any other aggressive name ever again.
When someone (this can apply to both genders) is the type that has to be in constant contact with you.
I have friends who disagree with me and label it as "cute" or "caring" but really to me if you can't go a few hours without texting back and forth that's just needy and can be smothering.
Like I have a job and responsibilities it shouldn't be that big a deal to disappear for a bit.
I went on 2 dates with this girl from work. After the second date she asked if she could use my phone for a second. I unlocked it and handed it to her. She then went and tried to add her thumb to my fingerprint I.D feature.
Luckily it asked for the current lock code print before and I noticed what she was doing when she asked me to unlock it again. I look at it and asked her why she wanted me to unlock the security. She said she wanted to add her finger so she could check my phone whenever she wanted. I said Oh. No. Then got up, paid for my part of the meal and left.
Afterwards, she went out of her way to ignore me at work which I found pretty funny.
She was a mediocre butt wiper.
She was a perfectly reasonable, well-educated, sane woman who was always well-dressed and groomed.
What she lacked, however, was the ability to keep a clean bung hole. We are talking B- work at best.
Ignorance, willful or unintentional, is a huge one. A lack of base line intelligence is at the forefront of deal breakers for me.
I broke it off with a girl once after she told me that she didn't believe that dinosaurs ever existed. She sincerely said that she needed proof, so I offered to take her to a museum. She asked, "so we will see real bones?" I said "no, they will most likely be a plaster caste of the original fossils." She responded with "see! How do you know they aren't just trying to trick you?"...we didn't make it through the week.
If they are constantly seeking attention or validation from social media. Oh so your Instagram is a thousand pictures of your face from every conceivable angle, makeup style, time of day, and snapchat filter?
If they aren't down to have sex a bunch.
Call me shallow but a sexless relationship is miserable and doesn't mesh with my needs for intimacy. I've been down that road before and it's awful.
Being controlling about any sort of electronic device: not sharing the remote (or console controller), always being the one to set up the wake-up alarm, not liking someone to touch the thermostat, etc.
Screw all of that. I'm an adult; there will be compromise, not control.
Maybe its because Im young but I could never date a girl who already has a kid. A lot of the girls on these dating sites are 20-22 and they already have a kid.
Thats just a huge turnoff for me.
The self-proclaimed strong independent woman.
I know a strong, independent woman when I see one. Not a single one has ever made it a point of voicing it loudly. Those who have, have turned out to be highly insecure and constantly unsatisfied.
If they disliking travelling or generally trying new and interesting things.
I know people who are content never traveling, going to the same 5 restaurants repeatedly, and won't even try a new beer when they've found the one they like.
I don't need someone who's super spontaneous and different! I like routine and comfort, and I'll watch the same romantic comedies on repeat until I die. However, I live in a big city with amazing food and so much going on. I want to date someone who wants to explore, find new places to eat and drink, go to festivals and events, and would be up for renting a car and going away for the weekend.
Grown adults (specifically men in my experience) who say they're "bad" at doing simple chores and make their partners do all the housework. You're not bad at cleaning toilets or wiping counters, you're just a lazy jerk and still expect your mother or any woman for that matter to do everything for you.
There is nothing worse than babying the person you're in a relationship with.
Religion. Don't get me wrong, I fully support everyone's right to believe whatever they do, I just personally do not want to be in a romantic relationship with a religious person.