People In I.T. Share The Worst Thing Someone Has Requested Of Them.
Here, IT people share the most, er... interesting questions they've ever been asked.
1. My keyboard is not working, can you give me a new one?
I replace the keyboard with a new one and as I carry the old one under my arm, I get doused with the leftover cup of coffee that had been dumped into the broken keyboard.
2. Something is wrong with the file on my floppy disk. Can you check it?
When I get to the users desk, she gets me the bad disk that is being held onto her file cabinet with a magnet.
3. I heard that there may be a virus on my email attachment, I ran the file to see what it would do.
You opened a virus because you thought it might be a virus?!
4. I sent an email out to the wrong person 15 minutes ago. Can you stop it?
No. No, I can not stop your email from being sent 15 minutes ago.
5. I was getting an error message for the past few weeks telling me that the hard drive was failing. I kept clicking OK and everything seemed to work fine.
But then it didn't, and... just like it said, your hard drive failed, and now you're here. Do you also not understand why a red light comes after a yellow light?
6. My boss told me that his UPS did not keep his computer running when we had a power issue.
When I crawled under his desk I discovered (Continued)
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that the only thing plugged in was his cup warmer.
7. VP of Development was angry and I was asked to check why our backup system was not working properly.
I waited in the server room after hours and noticed a spike in activity from our software developers on the network. My investigation revealed that they were all playing a multi-user tank battle game flooding the network with packets. When I reported the issue to their boss the next day, he was pretty furious. All of his developers were being paid overtime and the product was way behind.
8: Can you check why Im out of disk space?
On various occasions I have found profiles of Russian women searching for husbands, videos of zoo animals copulating (not kidding, tear my eyes out!), every single email from the past X years (never deleted a single one!), and uncompressed audio files from a CD collection
9. Since we moved our printer has some serious problems. The holes in the paper comes out on the wrong side, can you guys fix it?
There ought to be a mandatory drivers license just to be near a computer and a printer.
10. It wasnt working before!
I realized in the early stages of my 20+ years in IT service, training and support, that I have some kind of magical power/aura because, invariably when I would rock up to someones desk (or site) to investigate their issue (after already trying to trouble shoot it over the phone), their software/hardware would all of a sudden magically start to work.
For the majority of these cases, I would not have actually done anything. Id ask them to take me through the issue and it worked perfectly.
Them: It wasnt working before!
Me: Well, really, because I didnt do anything to it.
Them: You must have done something on the server then!
Me: Well, actually, this is client-based software and doesnt use the server.
Sometimes I would reboot their computer (something they would say theyd already tried ten times before I got there).
Other times, I would see an error message and just click the OK button.
Me (phone support before the visit): Is there an error message?
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No, theres no message but my computer is frozen!
Then Id rock up and right in the middle of their screen - an error message requiring action before you can continue.
Must be an ID 10 T problem!
11. This is SO expensive!
I often hear people complain that computers and computer parts are so expensive, yet they spend hours and hours per day with their beloved machine. Take anything else that you spend a large portion of your day with, the TV, your smartphone, your car etc etc. You rarely hear people complain about those things, but for some reason, the computer is supposed to be cheaper than toilet paper, yet perform like a beast.
12. Can you hack this thing?
Everything you know about hackers you learnt from Hollywood movies. Were aware of that, and theres no harm in asking. Most of the time it wont be possible, or wont be convenient, but again no harm in asking.
Sometimes, we can hack things. Were not criminals though. Be prepared to prove that whatever application, device or system you want to get into is yours and yours only, and you need help.
Think about I lost the keys to my own apartment and I need someone to break my front door lock, not I want to break in my neighbours apartment.
13. Always be nice to the IT guy.
Because we know everything!
Every little thing you have done with your computer or your smartphone leaves tracks, and we can follow them.
Maybe you picked up your home email with your smartphone? Sure you did. Over our WiFi. Ive got a list of all of it. I even get reports showing who your top senders and recipients are.
Oh you browsed the web? My systems have a record of everywhere you have been, even some of what you looked at has been cached where I can get to it.
Our UTM tracks everything you do and will... (Continued)
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block anything evil before it even gets to your computer but the side effect is it is all there for my perusal. I actually get emailed if theres something I should know about your computer. In real time.
You have no privacy at all and you will have agreed to that. Your email is an open book to me. Oddly your social media is better protected, but not if you use dumb passwords any idiot could guess
So now you know that I know everything or could know everything very quickly if I need to. The trick is make sure that I just dont care.
and Im just the IT guy. Dont get the forensic guys interested. Ever.
14. l don't know how that got on my computer!
...As 10,000 files of movie downloads, pr0n pictures, or virus laden stuff is removed. If you did it, just admit it. Actually in the case of pr0n, almost all companies have a zero tolerance attitude and I have seen an employee immediately terminated and walked out no notice, no warnings, just a security guy called to their desk and a walk of shame out of the building.
15. The computer said that if I wanted to see my document, I should call this number to arrange payment, I'm on the phone with them now, and they are talking to me about anti virus software too, should I buy it too?
This person had just got a Trojan, encrypting their hard disk and holding it for ransom, and yes, this was a real life call to a friend of mine from his mother. She had her credit card out and was about to pay. Even the parents of tech workers are not very computer savvy sometimes.
16. Please don't say the following to your company's I.T. person...
The Internet is broken!
The coffee maker is busted. Fix it.
Can you help me fix my Excel spreadsheet?
Can you open up an email account for me?
Ive written down my password and taped it to my monitor.
I brought in my personal laptop. Its broken. Can you (Continued)
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Email isnt working. (in an email message on the same server).
I need you to create a new Intranet this afternoon. With full content.
Oh, before you go, heres a list of ten other problems while youre here.
I need to drop everything and fix my stuff right this second.
Why does my computer keep telling me I have to pay to access my files?
Can you clean my keyboard?
17. Were paying you too much.
On hearing this, most IT staff will just leave. No warning, no discussion, no negotiation. They will simply find another employer. Many will work out their notice period, but not always. Some will simply abandon their job.
Rarely, they will even complete a handover before leaving.
But no IT worker, worth their salt, will remain after being told something like this.
18. We forgot our companys Facebook page password
I dont work for Facebook. There is a link directly below the password field that says Forgot Account?
19. I accidentally deleted a file a few days ago
They deleted the file a few days ago, yet, now its the most urgent issue in the world. Too many times they would have little information as to what drive or folder it was saved in, what type of file it was, what the title of the file was. I had to mute my phone so the client wouldnt hear my audible groan every time I had a call like this.
20. I have a 10 new employees starting tomorrow morning. I need their accounts set up ASAP.
This request would typically come in around 4:45PM the day prior. The request would also, typically, lack any info as to what security groups or access these accounts would need. And of course, the requester would leave work right after sending the request to the IT dept.
I endured a year of IT help desk misery at a Cloud Hosting company before I (Continued)
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threw in the towel. You couldnt pay me enough money to endure another year. I have immense respect for anyone who can keep their sanity while doing that job.
21. Can I get a wind proof router?
Someone once came into our retail store and asked to buy a wind proof router because "the wind keeps blowing my wifi signal away"
pretty sure my eyes started bleeding.
22. "So... I can't store my files in the recycle bin?"
I wrote a script to do some maintenance on the computers on the network after hours (clear temp / garbage files, defrag etc..) as you know nobody does this and I was having to manually do it on a few computers so I figure I would script it out and do it to everyone and get it all done at once over the weekend.
Monday morning all hell breaks loose. Apparently the #2 in the office had been storing all of her important files in the recycle bin. Not on the network share like everyone else but files created on the desktop and then deleted. In which she would open the recycle bin undelete and they would be back on the desktop.
Unfortunately I had no backups as the backup procedures I had did not in fact back up the Recycle Bin on all the computers. I ended up pulling a 50 hour shift redacting and trying to manually put the files back of which I got about 80% of them despite the defrag.
I was in deep doodoo for 2 months after that.
23. I've got an idea and it's gonna be HUGE!
I rarely begrudge someone for not understanding what I do...I'm sure I've said some stupid things about other areas of expertise.
What I do get irked over is when it gets trivialized. I've had a couple of people who barely know me approach me with a "big idea" that they'd like to get off the ground. One guy wanted to make a WoW clone, more or less. He knows I write software...but no idea what I do (I work on Big Data systems and the like). So, to him, a programmer is a programmer. No matter that I know as much about how to make a game like WoW as I know about brain surgery.
But I do know enough to know that one programmer who is not even tangentially related to the end product in expertise is probably not going to get the job done.
He had no CLUE what making a game like that entailed. I think he figured that Blizzard was run by four guys in a garage or something.
Another guy has a brilliant idea for a website. Hint: It's a bad idea. Hilariously bad.
He has no business experience. No development experience. No marketing experience. But he tells me the classic line: "I'll give you 10...no 5..percent ownership!"
Ownership in what? Your pipe dreams?
And then I tell him "No thanks.." and it's always the same: "You have no idea what you're missing out on!"
Oh, but I do. And I'm not really "missing" much.
People have NO CLUE how much work goes into the stuff they use. They figure that, since Google is only a logo and a single text-box, it should be super duper easy to create that part. "I don't need the maps created at first, we just need a search engine! And we can make one that's BETTER than Google! Once it's running, we'll start working on a map thing" (another actual line I've been pitched)
Right, because nobody is trying to do that right now. Search Bing for Google alternatives and let me know what you find. Ya know, besides irony.
The "idea guy" is the most useless person out there. If all you have is an idea, and you're going to pitch it to a developer, save yourself the time and just ask him to say "No thanks" to you in advance. Anyone who agrees, won't be competent. Anyone who is competent, won't agree.
Marketing image source: pikselstock / shutterstock.com
Reddit user one-droplet asked: 'What have you always done, but later found out was gross?'
There's this amazing quote by Maya Angelou that we can all put into practice: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better."
This can be applied to anything in life, from learning more about a subject that we're passionate about, to practicing better time management skills, to being a better friend.
But there are some things that we may not even realize we need to do better... until we suddenly know better.
Cringing in anticipation, Redditor one-droplet asked:
"What have you always done, but later found out was gross?"
The Best Ice
"When I was like five or six years old I would love going to the grocery store with my mom because the vegetable and fruit and meat tables always had the best ice to chew on..."
"I work in a restaurant, and I try to grab a cup to get the ice before they use it for raw oysters and shrimp cocktails. It really is the best ice."
Toilet Paper Use
"As an Asian, I was always taught growing up to throw used toilet paper in the trash bin. It wasn't until I went on a school trip to Italy and the chaperone mentioned to everyone, 'The plumbing system here isn't as good as the USA so you guys are just gonna have to throw it in the trash bin,' and everyone went, 'Ew.'"
"That's when I learned that it was gross to throw toilet paper in the trash bin since the issue was you're basically having shit bits sitting around in a bin."
"All my life, I wiped my toothbrush on the hand towel to dry it up until my sister asked what the f**k I was doing."
"My sister used to scrub the bristles on the faucet where the water came out when she was done brushing her teeth. I guess to dry it off. I still cringe thinking about it."
That's Not Clay
"As a child, I would dig up bits of clay from the local sandbox. It wasn’t as good as Play-Doh, so I would cast it aside and continue digging."
"Maybe I didn’t have a very good sense of smell at that age, because I was well into adulthood before I realized it was probably cat s**t."
"I showered in a dirty tub. Once I discovered how gross it really was, my hoarder mother didn’t like it when I cleaned the bathroom, so I just lived with it til I was able to get a place."
"My hoarder mom was like this."
"When I tried to wash the nicotine off the walls in my bedroom, my hoarder parents were not happy."
"I waited until a towel smelled weird to swap it out."
"Look, the towel forgets everything before the next shower."
Self-Service Assorted Candies
"I used to really like those self-service lollies/candy buckets with the scoops. They were in most big box stores in Australia, like Kmart, Target, Big W. So much fun mixing and matching."
"But then one day I started working at Target. Every single day I caught old people and kids with their hands directly inside grabbing them out and munching down all slobbery-like. That turned me off forever."
"Though not too long after they started disappearing from businesses so obviously someone got the unsanitary message."
"I flushed my tampons my whole life until I was about 30. No one had taught me they weren’t flushable. I stupidly thought they were like toilet paper."
"One expensive and embarrassing plumbing problem later, I never did it again."
"Not brushing my teeth when I wake up. I would only brush my teeth after breakfast, and I would rarely eat breakfast."
"So most days I would only brush my teeth at night. I figured, 'Well, I brushed last night and haven’t eaten anything since, so why should I brush again?'"
" Then I learned about all the bacteria that feed on the tiny bits of food left in your teeth and they literally expel gas and feces in your mouth as they consume it. And this is what causes awful morning breath."
"So I have this mental image of bacteria poop and farts coating my mouth and have brushed every morning since regardless of eating breakfast or not."
"Brush at night to keep your teeth, and brush in the morning to keep your friends."
Not Just Yellow Snow
"Eating snow. Just take the same handful of snow you might see a kid stuff in their mouth and let it melt in a glass. Bet you wouldn’t willingly drink it!"
Don't Visit Everyone's House
"I sit on my couch butt naked when I’m alone watching TV at night. I mean I’m relatively clean but I feel sorry for anyone else that sits there."
Letting the Hair Fall Where It May
"I'm suffering from hair loss at the moment (51 Female) and I'm often absent-mindedly raking a hand through my long hair, glancing at what comes out and then dropping the strands on the floor."
"Just read on another sub that that's pretty disgusting to other people. In my defense, I work exclusively from home in my own small office and would never do it in public, but even so, maybe my husband thinks I'm gross."
"Wearing shoes inside. My family was not a shoes off family and they always wore outside shoes inside."
"I remember a few friends' homes were strict shoes-off homes, but I thought that was the minority."
"I was about 27 years old before I realized it was disgusting and people were definitely judging my etiquette."
"Double-dipping snacks. Pretty logical but only found out recently that’s very bad etiquette."
"Double-dipping is only acceptable if you’re not sharing the dip with anyone."
"Some things I've learned:"
"Wash my bedsheets every week, including bed, pillows, and covers."
"Only use the same bath towel twice before washing it."
"Use a new toothbrush head every month."
"Always wash my hands coming back from a store or public transit."
"And NEVER EVER go into a resort pool with a swim-in bar."
This conversation was so cringe-worthy and left us wanting a shower in the worst way.
At least for most of these Redditors, now that they knew these are gross habits, they've chosen to do something better.
Sources provided by health experts informed us to eat fruits and vegetables in order to nourish our bodies with energy, and to drink milk to ensure we grew up with strong bones and muscles.
However, nowadays, consumers are confused.
There seems to be conflicting information every day regarding the benefits, or harm, of eating the foods we were always told were detrimental to our health.
Curious to hear from strangers online about our misconceptions regarding the foods we eat, Redditor Meerkate asked:
"What are some foods that aren't as unhealthy as people make them out to be?"
People discuss everyone's favorite movie snack.
Pass The Popcorn
"Popcorn. For how good it tastes, it has almost nothing bad in it."
"You add the salt and butter of course, and those arent great, but you're not getting a super high amount of those."
"Adding in decent quality butter (not margarine) and a few shakes of regular salt is not unhealthy at all. The problem is with the sh*t that movie theatres put in popcorn."
Careful With The Seasoning
"My body started rejecting movie theater popcorn butter when I was about 25. That stuff will make you sh*t your pants and miss the end of the movie. Just salt for me thanks. Real melted butter at home or at Alamo Drafthouse."
"I love popcorn."
"You probably buy the kernels too but for those who don't, it's significantly cheaper and healthier to buy just a big container of popcorn kernels."
"Pop them on the stove top with a small amount of oil and sprinkle some finely ground salt (that's what movie theaters use for that magic flavor) and you're golden."
"It's super easy. I don't even add butter."
"You can also pop kernels in the microwave in a paper bag or in a bowl without buying the pre-bagged stuff. You'll never go back to those once you've popped your own kernels."
"An air popper works too of course, though that will definitely require butter."
Redditors talk about the health benefits of eating certain kinds of fat.
Not So Fat
"Fat in general (not the trans ones tho)"
"The low fat craze of the late ‘90s/early ‘00s has A LOT to answer for. My mom is still ridiculous about it. Yeah, moderation is good, but you can add some butter to your food so it’s edible and still live a long life."
Fat Is Your Friend
"Fat is a great source of sustained energy that doesn’t boost your blood glucose like other options."
"You really, really need fat in your diet for proper hormone regulation and other important body processes!"
Go easy on the carbs.
"Potatoes got several countries through famine! Probably alot of people associate them with fatty fries or crisps."
"Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew"
"Exactly this. High satiation and low cost. You can wash out a lot of the starch if you're worried about it."
Let's discuss fruity.
"I’m so tired of hearing people talk about 'all the natural sugar in fruit.'”
"I guarantee you this banana is healthier than potato chips and cookies."
"My mom has done basically ever fad diet ever, but one thing I do like about the 'new' Weight Watchers is that fruits, vegetables, and lean meats like chicken breast are zero points. I think the logic behind it is that there is no f'king way you're going to eat enough carrot sticks and apples to make yourself gain weight, so they're trying to encourage people to default to that stuff when they're hungry even if they're out of points rather than just starving until they give up and eat a bunch of unhealthy foods. Weight Watchers doesn't really work long term, but that detail is nice."
"I think its the fiber in fruit that makes it not as bad. Also, it has nutrition to make up for it unlike the cookie that's just all refined flour and sugar."
"There are scientific studies suggesting that not all the calories in nuts are bioavailable, so you might only get 75% of the calories! There are also studies showing they contribute to weight loss even despite being high in calories."
When I was told butter is actually a better alternative to margarine–which is known to contain trans fat–I started cooking more with butter.
I believe we can eat anything in moderation, so as much as I love smearing pads of butter on my English muffin, I take it easy.
When it comes to baking with it and putting it on toast, nothing beats the flavor of my favorite dairy fat.
It goes without saying, that when we pay a visit to a hospital, either as a guest or as a patient, we only see a very small portion of all the working parts of a hospital.
While countless doctors, nurses and orderlies will be seen roaming the halls, their hands more than full, there are also lab technicians and administrators who are every bit as busy, just not as visible.
Knowing this does rather make one wonder what goes on in a hospital that we don't see, or don't realize.
Or, for that matter, what we patients are actually entitled to, that they may not realize.
A question possibly best left unanswered.
Even so, Redditor SingLikeTinaTurner was eager to find out, leading them to ask:
"Hospital workers of Reddit, what happens there that's hidden but that we should know about?"
If You Know, You Know...
"Not really hidden and kinda minor but I’ll say it anyways."
"I deliver food to patients and it’s not hard to tell when someone is on their way out."
"Could be simply not being hungry, or could be the inability to eat."
"Had one patient who hadn’t eaten anything off their tray for 3 days straight."
"The last time I delivered to them, they smiled and gave me a wink."
"Next day, they were gone."
"It’s rough seeing these things happen in real-time."
"I’m a grown @ss man who doesn’t cry often, but it always leaves me feeling extra empty picking up the untouched trays and replacing them with another tray that I know will stay untouched as well."- jgss2018
Hidden In Plain Sight
"Sometimes when people die we just put an oxygen mask on them and wheel them through the corridors."
"Less distressing for other patients and visitors to think they are asleep rather than see a body with a sheet over it."- dont-believe-me-·
Know Your Rights
"You, as a patient, have every right to refuse any test or treatment or even leave."
"At any time."
"For any reason."
"Unless a harm to self or others- that's different, at least in the US."
"Added bonus you should know: leaving against medical advice DOES NOT mean insurance will not pay for the care you've received."
"Your insurance will still be billed the same as anyone else who stayed the whole time till discharge."
"But if you leave with an IV in your arm we will call the police to find you and bring you back to remove it, because of drug abuse."- Suitable_Sorbet_8718
Peeking Not Recommended
"The hospital I work at has these big square covers."
"When I first started, I would see transport staff pushing these things around the halls."
"I thought they were food trays, or large boxes of hospital equipment."
"Turns out it’s a structured bed cover, so when they are transporting a deceased patient to the morgue, it doesn’t look like a person under a sheet."- rajortoa9
The Flashing Lights Only Get You So Far
"An ambulance ride is not a one way ticket to the front of the line."
"You still get triaged and could be rolled right to the waiting room if you’re non-emergent."- dozerdude1995emergency ambulance GIFGiphy
Whatever Gets Them In The Zone...
"We listen to music in the OR."
"Most people seem surprised when they hear that."- johnnyscans
Hide And Seek...
"I got a fast bleep (ie. drop everything you’re doing and attend this emergency please) one night to a side room on the ward to find no patient in the bed."
"Was just about to leave the room and go back out to the nurses station, where there had been a bit of a hubbub when I’d dashed past the first time, when something caught my eye."
"Looked up to see a face with wide, slightly wild 'psych eyes' peering down at me from a gap in the ceiling tiles."
"She was a lady waiting for a bed in the psych hospital who’d clearly thought the ceiling was the best place to hide from the people trying to poison her."
"Honestly can’t think of another occasion that I’ve been quite so terrified."
"Worst thing was that I had to walk (well, dash) back out underneath her to get help from the nurses and security to get her down."- Leas-Pe·
Speaking In Code...
"If you register in the ER and tell the triage nurse that your problem is 'personal' we know you’re here because of something genital or anal related."
"A lot of we healthcare workers have seen a lot."
"If you’re not truthful at triage, your care might be less prompt when it’s a true medical emergency."
"It is possible to die of embarrassment."- DocWednesdayHide Reaction GIF by florGiphy
Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Them
"If you come into the ER drunk there is guaranteed a pool of bets on your blood alcohol level, possibly with odds if there's a pharmacist available to do the math for us."- K-Tanz
Ensuring They're Surrounded By Love
"In the ICU you spend a lot of time keeping corpses alive until their family comes around or their body gives out."
“'Oh Jesus ain’t ready for her yet!'”
"Yes, Jesus is ready for her; we’re just actively delaying it."- gamerdudeNYC
Maybe Not Just At Hosptials... Just A Thought...
"Not hidden, per se, but for the love of all that is holy, if you insist on bringing your kid into the hospital, do NOT let them crawl or play on the floor."
"The amount of literal blood, urine, poop, and vomit that has been on it and hastily (not thoroughly) cleaned up is, well, a lot."
"The hospital, especially the floors, is NOT a clean environment."
"Added to that, think of all the rooms nurses, doctors, housekeeping staff, etc. have walked into."
"Rooms that have COVID or Norovirus or group A Strep."
"We walked into those rooms and those same shoes walked into other rooms."
"Tl;dr hospital floors are disgusting as f*ck."- duckface08Baby Crawls Face First Across The Floor GIF by ViralHogGiphy
Not An Exact Science...
"Hospital lab worker here."
"Not particularly scandalous, but most people don't realiZe their lab tests are just very accurate guesses, and have an error range."
"When we say your 'X' is 10g/L, we might actually mean it's 10g/L ± 10-20%."
"I see too many people get extremely worked up about small fluctuations in blood test values that aren't actually in excess of the reference change value, and so technically aren't genuinely different from a previous value."- Hayred
A Decision No One Wants To Make...
"You are doing your 90 year old grandmother a great disservice by making her a full code, she will not survive CPR and her death will be significantly more traumatic because of it."- singlenutwonder
WASH YOUR FREAKIN' HANDS!!!
"I help patients to the bathroom nonstop all day."
"The amount of patients that just leave the bathroom without washing their hands is disgusting."
"If I didn’t hear the sink or soap dispenser your a** is getting led right to an alcohol hand station."- MadamiamadamWash Hands Water GIF by Jared D. WeissGiphy
More goes on in a hospital than we're ever likely to know.
If you check out from a hospital healthier than you were when you checked in, that's probably all you need to know.
Even if it's understandable to ask what song the doctor was listening to when you were open on the operating table.
My family went on a lot trips when I was young, and we always stayed in hotel rooms. Around the time my brother and I were old enough to stay in a room by ourselves (our parents would stay in another one, usually across the hall), he also became a bit of a germaphobe.
At the time, I actually believed hotels changed the sheets on the beds daily, so when my brother fretted about the cleanliness of the hotels, I reassured him they were fine. He believed me at first, since I was his big sister, but by the time he was 12, he got suspicious.
During one of our trips, he decided to test this by making a mark on his pillow cover with a pen and turning the pillow cover inside out before we left for sightseeing the next morning. When we returned, he turned the pillow cover back, and his mark was still there, proving that the sheets hadn't been changed. He only had to do this one more time, during our next trip, for me to realize this wasn't a one-off.
Ever since, and even now in adulthood, my brother and I always intentionally spill something on our sheets during our first night in order to get clean sheets, at least for the duration of our stay. This, in fact, is the first thing we do.
I'm not the only person who does something a bit quirky like this when they first enter a hotel rooms. Plenty or Redditors have stories about this and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor BlundeRuss asked:
"What’s the first thing you do when you get into a hotel room?"
Preparing For Sights
"Go to the balcony to see if it's going to be public nudity or private nudity during my morning coffee."
"I love that this doesn’t change your plans, just prepares your mind. Excellence."
Show Me The Truth
"Put my bags up on something and check the mattress. I also bought a UV flashlight but after using it at home I’ve decided that bringing it to a hotel would be unnecessary torture. Nothing is clean when you shine the thing on it. And I mean nothing."
"One of my close friends travels a ton for business. She also loves to sleep in a f**king ice box."
"She has found some resource for how to basically jailbreak hotel thermostats. Each hotel thermostat has a specific key sequence that unlocks the lower temps that the hotel normally doesn’t allow guests to set because, you know, money."
"I do this in every hotel."
"Set bags down."
"Look at room for cleanliness."
"Take a dump."
"I showed up early to a hotel after 12 hours straight of driving. Took forever for them to get me in the room (really it was probably only 30 minutes and they were super accommodating)."
"Anyways, I had been feeling the tyrannical gouging of a sh*t demon trying to claw it's way out for about half an hour beforehand. I ran down the hall, opened the door, threw my bag at something, and was kinda hovering over the toilet just in time. Hadn't put cheek to rim yet and my darling baby began his exit."
"It wasn't until after I looked up that I realized neither door was the self-closing kind and you could see all the way in from the hallway."
"You’ve unlocked a childhood memory. I stayed in a lot of hotels while growing up and I saw someone in your position once, trail of belongings leading to the toilet. So I went and shut the door for him."
"Find the bible and flip through it. When my sister and I were kids, we went to Disney, and I think she asked why is there always a bible in the drawer, waved it by the spine and 20 bucks fell out. So I always check now."
"I found $100 that way. 5 crisp 20's,. I was pretty broke at the time too."
"First, I look at the area between the mattress and headboard for any signs of bed bugs, then under the sheets. I’ve never encountered them, but I’ve heard so many horror stories that I’m paranoid about them."
"As someone who worked in hotels, I always double check the door locks and then inspect for bed bugs."
"Look for cameras. I'm a paranoid f**k."
"If anyone wants to see an overweight guy in his mid-40s eat pringles in his underwear while reading Stephen King novels, then they have my flabby white blessing."
"They sell surprisingly easy to use scanners on Amazon. I found a camera in an air bb bedroom alarm clock, threw a towel over it and got the whole stay for free. Some will detect signals but the best way is there’s a looking glass that’s red and it emits a light and you turn off all the lights and look around the room. Any active camera will shine like a cats eyes when you skim over it."
The Things We Find
"I check in odd places to see if anyone stashed drugs or money. You would be surprised at all the sh*t I’ve found over the years!"
"We found an axe under the bed once."
"Yank the comforter off the bed and throw it in the corner. they rarely wash those things."
"I discovered this recently while calling home to say good night to everyone. Dried food stuck to the comforter. Threw that bad boy off the bed."
"I cleaned an air BnB for a little while and I was so disturbed when they told me they didn't wash the comforter because hotels don't.... Like I guess I get it because they're heavy and they're trying to save water on the washes but yuck dude... Cleaning that air Bnb made me NEVER want to book one because of the sh*t the owners wouldn't LET me clean... I don't think I'd ever survive as a maid for a hotel, I could never travel again lol."
It's A Process
"Make a condom for the TV remote control. Take the ice bag from the ice bucket and put the remote in it. Now I never have to touch the remote."
"I'm sure disinfectant wipes could do the job."
Check For Monsters...People Monsters
"Make sure no one is hiding under the bed or in the bathroom 😂😅"
"I travel a lot for work…and I’m shocked no one else mentioned this. First I check the closet, under the bed, the bathroom for a hiding serial killer…then check the mattress for bedbugs…"
Today I Learned
"Check for cleanliness and then take pictures Traffickcam."
"Traffickcam is an app where you take specific pictures of your room and then upload them to their database. They use these pictures to check on the location of human trafficking victims."
"Take a picture of the room and post it on the Trafickcam app so if the room or similar has been used by human traffickers maybe it will help find someone."
And thanks to those last two stories, I'm a little scared to stay in another hotel.