People In Arranged Marriages Open Up To Share What Their Experience Has Been Like.
1. Hi my first marriage was arranged-ish my husband family made an arrangement with my father when I was 12 that I would marry their middle son who was two years older then me when I was 18 and had finished school. I knew him already his sister was my best friend and he was friends with my brothers. We never talked much till we made our engagement official and he had paid me my Mahr and in the about six months between our engagement and our wedding we hung out and went on "dates" talked on the phone got to know each other personally. I grew to like him a lot I wouldn't go so far as to say that I loved him. I grew to love him eventually and he was a very nice caring sweet guy and treated me well. He supported me going to university. We had a good life together we loved traveling together we both loved photography. We had been talking about having kids when I was finished with university.We weren't married very long only two years before he died in a car accident. I think we could have made things work with more time.
Sex was fine we were both virgins when got married I tried doing what I saw in porn but it didn't work out to well but like all things we got better with practice.
2. Like a fool I opted for an arranged marriage on the rebound. The girl I was originally seeing was ludicrous. But something strange happens when you get rejected, more so than the hurt...You become incapable of making good decisions.
Anyhow, was introduced to a girl. She had different interests, a different outlook on life and didn't take to kindly to my casual humor. So like an idiot I got engaged to her. Over the course of the engagement I was really busy with work so didn't see her at all. Then came the marriage. It was surreal. There I was sitting on stage with a girl I hardly knew, getting married!
Fast forward to the honeymoon. We were like awkward strangers. We actually never had sex on our honeymoon. Was the sex awkward? You're damn right it was.
Fast forward 6 years later and we have a child. Did I make the right decision? If I wasn't a father I'd leave tomorrow. I wouldn't let my parents choose my socks, but I let them choose my 'life partner' (the loser that I am). So why am I sticking around? To cut a long story short, I want my child to do well in life, so am living an act.
Do I have regrets? Don't we all?
Am I a good husband? I never argue, never complain and put on a smiling face.
Have I messed my life up? Not totally, I earn quite a lot. And unlike the BS you hear in the movies, money gives you great options in life, and I try to enjoy as much of it as possible.
3. My parents and aunt arranged a marriage for me and I traveled back to my country, met her once before the marriage. First night she was really shy and kept hiding under the blanket and pulling it away from me while giggling, nothing happened that night, then she got a call the next day from her mother and they kept talking for half an hour.
It happened then later that night when we were in bed innocently watching TV, then she looked at me and said:
Continue reading on the next page!
maybe the first complete sentence: "I don't know what I'm supposed to do" in a nervous voice. So I laughed and played it funny, then started gently kissing, hugging, and joked a bit then two hours later we are doing it and now I've two kids from her and she turned 26 last month.
Arranged isn't as bad as it sounds, but back in my place it's normal to have arranged marriages and even marriages without seeing the bride. Mine was great considering there are parents who wait outside the room to her the daughter orgasm to make sure she's virgin.
4. I have an amazing story regarding this.
This all happened April last year, and it is 100% true. My wife is from a Muslim country originally but her family is from the capital and quite modern. She has relatives however from a smaller village who are not quite as modern. So one of her second cousins (son of dads cousin) wants to get married. His mom interviews a few girls but it took a while. Some of the girls she didnt like because they werent traditional enough, and some of the girls families didnt want because the guys family was too strict, even for a small village (things like the girl having to be muslim, must wear hijab, pray 5 times a day, the whole ordeal).
Finally they find a girl who suits him, so they organize the wedding for like 2 weeks after.
So the wedding happens and it ends early and everyone goes home to rest and sleep. My wife and his family (parents and sister) go to the hotel which is an hour away.
Then my wifes dad gets a call. I should say before that my wifes dad is very well considered in his extended family because he has a very good job in the center and works with high profile people, basically a very respectable man. It was maybe 1am and he gets a call from his older sister saying that he needs to go back to the village immediately, there is an emergency. Him expecting it to be about money (he gets asked for money quite often) demands to know what is going on. So here is fun part.
The groom was a very traditional muslim man. He had never had a date, never gone out with a girl, and followed his religion in a very strict way. He had barely talked to women in the past. The bride has followed a similar path. So they finish the ceremony, they go to the room, and they realize they have absolutely no idea how to proceed. Like these people did not know how to have sex. They had never watched a porn film, they never had sex education, no one thought to tell them what they would have to do in bed. They are there wondering what to do now, so they call this aunt who is the eldest of the family to tell them what to do. But the aunt feels that a woman cannot possibly describe to a man how to have sex, that is so inappropriate, so instead she calls her younger brother (my father-in-law). My FIL doesnt want to hear about that crap, he is one hour away and it is really barely any of his business, it is late and he works the next day. Also there must be many others more suitable for that kind of thing. At this point my wife and her mom and sister are cracking up because they cannot believe this is happening on 2013, and the thing is no one expected this, otherwise they would have taken precautions.
So my FIL tells them to try to find someone else and if not he will go, but thankfully they contact one of the guests who is a mullah (not sure I spelled that right), like a religious figure, who agrees to go and explain to the guy what to do with his wife so they can consummate the marriage. But it doesnt end there.
Like a week later my wife comes and tells me that apparently something happened, because the next days the bride was seen walking funny, and apparently they had to contact a gynecologist because something had happened during the wedding night that actually hurt the poor girl. We never got to know what was it that he did (or they tried) that went wrong, or the outcome after. Keep in mind this is really embarrassing for them so they tried to keep it as low as possible, we only found out because they called my FIL first to try to go talk to the guy.
I doubt this happens in many arranged marriages, but hey, it happened in at least once.
Continue reading on the next page!
5. My parents' marriage was arranged. My maternal grandfather (major general in the Indian Army) served under my paternal great-grandfather (Chief of Army Staff). So the families had known each other for quite some time, and the decision was made by both sets of grandparents when my mother and father were both very young. Neither of them were told of the arrangement until both were in their 20s. The parents "introduced" them to each other, and they dated for a year.
Well, they ended up marrying and still love each other very much 24 years later. So that's something :)
6. My marriage was a traditional, arranged Islamic marriage. I'm 34 years old was married 8 years ago to my Amazing wife.
She was the sister of a friend. I told my friend I wanted to get married and after asking me what I wanted in a wife he suggested another friends sister.
I first went to meet with her father, we spoke about marriage and what I was looking for etc. He told me about his daughter and what she was like etc. Afterwards we had dinner, some tea then everyone left and I was introduced to my wife.
We spent about 30 minutes talking together which was difficult because she didn't speak any English and I didn't speak much Arabic at the time. But everything went very well and then I was asked... "Do you want her" I said yes, and we were engaged.
We met a couple days later for about 30 minutes then I left the country for work. I didn't see or speak to her for more than a year after that ( was working double shifts to get the Dowry, and wedding money ready.)
I know it sounds strange but in that year I developed a love for my wife I can't explain. I knew so little about her but we just clicked. I spent that year away planning the perfect wedding for her and buying her gifts and things I thought she would like.
I returned after a year and did a Casanova. (I wasn't permitted to see her until we signed the marriage contract. ) I sent flowers to her house with a friend, then I sent her a total of a dozen gifts every couple hours. Gold, perfumes, more gold, lots more gold, and some other romantic kinda things. I saved the diamond ring for last.
The day came for the Akht al nikkah (The traditional Islamic ceremony) which is basically more of an engagement than a marriage because you do not consummate the marriage but you are then freely permitted to be together to talk etc. I signed the papers, she signed the papers the Sheikh ( religious leader ) said congrats your married and I was allowed to go inside and see her.
She was dressed up all awesome and beautiful I came in and put the diamond on her finger and kissed her hand much to the surprise of her family who gave a bunch of ooohs and ahhhs and laughs from her sisters.
We then were able to spend some quality time together for the first time but still under careful watch by the family. (No closed doors etc) This is basically the get to know you phase so sexual contact is not allowed in case things don't work out there is an easy out and she has not been compromised.
It was great, she had learned some English and My Arabic was significantly better. We spent as much time together as possible and were properly married and consummated the marriage about 2 weeks later.
It's been 8 years now we are still very happily married. It hasn't been easy there have been a LOT of difficulties along the way but somehow we have both grown up a lot.
8 years later and I love her more than I ever have. We have 4 children together and are planing on more. She's an amazing woman and I am more than lucky to have met her.
I am away for work and I get messages like this from her every single day. I left the grammatical errors on purpose. English is not her first language as I said but she does well now.
"Harcesis, I love you and respect you so much and I hope to God that makes me a loyal wife to you. You are all my life and sometimes strange things happen that make me know that I love you and respect you and I want to accept God meant my love and loyalty to you."
:) Yes, I'm bragging a little but I love my wife and am so very lucky and happy to have her!
So, that's how my arranged marriage went :)
7. Not a lot of people know that I'm in an arranged marriage. Yep, my wife was chosen for me from before I was really cognizant of what love was all about. My family, well, I don't want to give too much away, there's a certain institution involved that gets really bent out of shape when stuff like this gets out on the Internet, but my folks were in deep. My wife's actually a few years younger than I am, so it's possible that we were arranged to be married before I was even born. But I'm not really sure, because nobody talks about it anymore.
But, and this is the crazy part here: (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
But, and this is the crazy part here: it actually wound up totally working out. Although you wouldn't have thought it would have if you were in my shoes about ten years ago. When I was a little kid, I just kind of grew up assuming that I'd get married when I was eighteen to my prearranged wife, someone I may or may not have known from the community. I wasn't allowed to watch any regular TV shows or questionable pop culture stuff, so -and you hear this from a lot of people in my situation- nothing really struck me as out of the ordinary.
So on my eighteenth birthday, I wake up, my parents tell me to come downstairs, and there's this girl ... look, I don't want to get mean here. I mean, if I say she was ugly, and then I describe her, I don't want anybody out there on the Internet to read this and think, "Oh my God, I look just like how he's describing this girl. I must be ugly too," because that's crazy. Who's to say what's pretty and what's ugly? Isn't it all about perspective, beauty in the eye of the something or other?
But, from my eighteen year old perspective anyway, this girl was not attractive. "Son," my dad stood there, beaming, "Meet your fiancee, Shelly." And I was automatically put off, I had this crazy anxiety like I'd never experienced before. But I saw my parents standing there, they were happy, I was a good kid, I never bucked the system of anything, and so I smiled too, because, that's what I did, I always tried to be a good kid and make my parents happy. That's what this life was, and I was just going along with it.
"Well son," my dad continued, "Don't you want to say hi?" And I did, I said a bunch of really awkward hellos, I did this weird handshake that almost morphed into a weird hug, but she kind of recoiled, and I didn't get much more aggressive than attempting a very lukewarm embrace. But I smiled.
"So this is OK with you?" my dad asked, "You're happy with your new fiancee?" And I gushed, "Yes dad, I'm really happy, I can't wait to get married," stuff like that.
My dad looked at my mom, and my dad said, "Phew, all right, good job, he passed." They both looked really relieved. "You can go Shelly."
And Shelly left. "Mom? Dad?" I asked, "What's going on?"
"Well son, your mother and I were concerned about your commitment to our way of life. Sure, you say you're into this whole arranged marriage business, and maybe if we brought you down here to meet someone a little more ..." again, I hate to say ugly, but she was ugly.
My mom picked up, "It's just that, well, seeing you ready to marry that other girl, your father and are both very convinced of your convictions."
"So if I'm not going to marry her, than who?"
And that's when they brought out Janice, my wife. She was so beautiful. And I was like, YES! That's what I'm talking about!
And we got married, and it was great. Hell yeah, arranged marriage, I'm totally pro arranged marriages!
8. Had an arranged marriage when I turned 28.
I grew up in the US and got married to a girl from back home (Pakistan). I'd had girlfriends before but never had sex.
I had a lot of anxiety about my first sexual encounter but I was pretty confident going in because I figured my wife was this good girl from back home who was just overwhelmed right now with all these changes and the new scenery (she came here from Pakistan).
I bought the most regular ass condoms and no lube. We made out for a while but then when I went to do the deed... (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
it would just not go in. I got frustrated and just gave up, blueballs'd like hell. I felt like such a failure. But, she told me not to worry about it and helped me in...other ways. I didn't actually do the deed till like the 4th or 5th attempt (several days later). But she was so sweet and never made me feel uncomfortable at all, despite how overwhelming the situation of being in a new country and leaving behind her family and friends was for her.
Still happily married after 12 years with 3 beautiful kids.
9. My parents are in an arranged marriage. They've been together for over 30 years. They were both the youngest of large rural Indian families, and their parents married them off so that they could move on with their own lives. They had never met beforehand. They came to America together, without really knowing English and only having a few hundred Rupees between the two of them. They aren't very affectionate with each other when other people are around, but I know they love each other. It didn't start out that way. They learned.
It's definitely shaped my perspective on love. In America people definitely get into relationships for the 'passion'. You can't blame them really, because they've been sold on the fairytale since they were a child. Their partner is supposed to complete them and all this other stuff. When the passion dies, most people here seem to just move on. I can understand this if you're young and inexperienced. It's okay to make mistakes in relationships. But nowadays this seems to be the case even when people are married. They just get 'bored' in the relationship or whatever so they quit.
That whole mindset is SO messed up to me. A relationship, especially a committed, monogamous one isn't ultimately about you. It isn't even really about your partner. It's about the whole picture, kids, in-laws, cousins, everything. It's a union of two families. In Asian cultures, divorce doesn't just speak to the toxicity of the relationship between the husband and wife, but also reflects poorly upon the parents and children involved as well. People don't get divorces on the other side of the world because it's just not done. It's seen as an incredibly selfish thing to do.
If there's one thing I've learned about relationships from growing up in an arranged household, it's that real relationships are primarily based around sacrifice.
The break down of marriage as an institution will have profound effects on the social fabric of America. I used to work in the inner city, and I can go on at length about the importance of a whole household on a child's development. If you take a look at the problems the inner city community is facing right now you'll see a lot of problems centered around fractured households. This new generation of Americans are living in an era where 50% of marriages end in divorce. Gay, straight, bi, whatever if you're having kids, they deserve to be raised by both parents. The disintegration of marriage isn't just the disintegration of traditional views of marriage, it's the disintegration of family.
In my opinion, all this helps prove that the West isn't totally right when it comes to its views on relationships either. Choice should be a part of the process, but here in America it's viewed as almost the entirety of the process. On the other side of the world it's viewed as merely the first step. The reality is we're actually more (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
compatible with other people than we think. We aren't all special snowflakes, and if we are that may not necessarily be a good thing. It's nice to date someone that likes Woody Allen or Miles Davis too but at the end of the day it's much more important to date someone that's thoughtful and considerate as opposed to thoughtless and self-centered.
I'm not getting an arranged marriage. I'd like to be able to meet a girl at a bar or on the street somewhere and have her eventually become my wife. But I'd also like that other person to understand the importance of sacrifice and commitment. I want the steady slow-burn of a stable relationship as opposed to the fiery passionate stuff that burns out and leaves you emotionally spent.
10. I am currently in a marriage that would be considered arranged. In my case, I mentioned to my parents that I liked the girl, and they proceeded with everything else. I was pretty involved and know that my wife was OK with the proposal, so there was nothing forced about it. I am born and raised in the US, my wife was born and raised overseas and moved here after we were married. We are going on our 11th year and have 3 wonderful children. Despite ups and downs, I feel that we are very happy.
My wife is absolutely beautiful to me and always stands out to me no matter where we are, and is THE single most nicest and most comforting person I have ever met. From this union we have become a solid rock to many people in our family and definitely give the impression of a happy loving couple in otherwise chaotic and turbulent relationships of our friends / family around us. I will admit that the first 3yrs, despite having a child, it was a little weird, but kind of in a positive way looking back. We always spoke to each other respectfully, and then it slowly broke away into more casual speaking. At this stage, I couldn't imagine anyone else as my wife, and feel that we were meant to be - no matter how we came to be together.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.