People Answer: What's The Dumbest Thing You've Ever Done Solely Because You Were Too Awkward To Do The Normal Thing?
Have you ever had a moment where you just couldn't do the normal, rational thing? Where you had to jog around the block because you tripped over the sidewalk and just needed to convince everyone it was part of a leap into your daily run? We all have those moments, some more than others. These people make it look like a fine art!
Thanks to these folks for sharing their incredibly awkward stories with us. If you'd like to read more, check out the source link at the end of the article.
Comments may be edited for clarity.
The first time I took a bus in a new city, I pulled the stop request cord at the wrong stop. Instead of just being a normal person and telling the driver that I didn't mean to do that, I got off the bus and walked for an hour in the rain.
Back in primary school I had a crush on a girl, her younger brother was kind of a friend, so I'd hang out at their place every once in a while.
Thinking it would be weird to ask if I could hang out, I'd go for a run past their place and hope they'd notice me and invite me in.
It worked, but most times I had to turn back and run past at least 4 times before they'd invite me in.
I ran into a past coworker at a bus depot, had nothing really to talk about and it got awkward fast. A bus came and the guy said this is me, it was the one I was waiting for too but I didn't get on cause what the hell would happen if I did. Made it worse as he got on I said drive safe.
Accidentally locked myself on the roof of my office's parking garage ... it was my first week there and I didn't know the doors closed behind you and locked, I'd left my access badge on my desk.
Rather than call for help and be "that guy", I ... climbed down the side of the parking garage.
Allowed my neighbor to call me the wrong name for 7 years because I never corrected him the first time he said it wrong.
I was at a club once, the DJ was taking requests. To make a request, you had to fill out a slip of paper and give it to him. Anyways, I do this walk over and hand it to him and he was like
"Alright man, nice" and held out his hand.
For some reason I though, Oh he wants to hold hands and held his hand for like 10 seconds (fingers interlaced even) and just looked at each other the whole time. Then it hit me that he wanted a high five and I got super embarrassed.
Spent an entire Thanksgiving weekend pretending I understood Korean, because I felt too awkward to correct my friend's Korean mom who assumed I was Korean too.
I'm really bad at conversations with strangers when I can't hear them well.
Person: "Where's the washroom?"
Person: "Where's the washroom?"
Me: "Haha yeah"
Person: "No No, do you know where the washroom is?"
Me: "Oh haha"
My friend's mom rolled my hand up in the window of the car while I was in the backseat. It hurt really bad but I was too awkward to say anything so I rode for about 10 minutes with half of my little hand squashed and hanging out the rolled-up window. I think eventually I said "um... ow" or something to alert her to the situation.
I've stayed in a bathroom stall for 10 minutes because I didn't want to walk out with another person in the bathroom.
I rode my bike to college one time and had no bike lock. So I tied it up with an extra show string I had hoping any passerby would see it was "locked" without investigating too closely. As I'm leaving class I see a couple students standing by my bike, taking pictures of my lock job and laughing. I sat like 50 yards away in shame waiting for them to leave before I retrieved my bike and left.
In French class in highschool everyone was talking over the teacher and she just couldn't get control over the classroom and she was getting increasingly frustrated and so was I. Just a whole room full of swirling talk and stuff. I wanted to tell everyone to quiet down but for some reason it got messed up inside my brain and I barked like a dog.
Or, sort of like a dog? Just a deep guttural noise. Everyone stared at me. The teacher asked if I was okay. I was so embarrassed. Bonus points: I did this on two occasions. I don't know what's wrong with me.
When I was in high school, I had a huge crush on a girl who worked at the drive thru of my bank. I would go to a different branch, withdraw some cash and then deposit it at her branch's drive thru in hopes she was working. It wasn't until much later that I realized she could more than likely see I had made a withdrawal for the exact amount I was depositing just minutes before.
I was doing a job interview in high school. The interview was going well and the lady asked me how important is hygiene to you?. During this moment I forgot what hygiene meant and shouldve asked. Instead I tried to act relaxed and said Im cool doesnt bother me.
I didnt get the job.
For all those curious: the job was for a CD store in a small town I grew up in. When my dad picked me up from the mall I asked him what it meant again and told him the story, he laughed and told me, youre not getting the job before reminding me of the meaning. I was freshly showered. Just an awkward teenager.
A week later I got my first job at A&W.
When I was a freshman in college, I saw a production of some Shakespeare play, and developed an instant crush on the lead actor. I saw him at lunch the day after the play, and my friends urged awkward, shy, 17-year-old me to approach him and say how much I enjoyed his performance in the show. I'm not sure if they really thought this very attractive senior was going to have any interest in me, but apparently I got talked into it, because I marched over to his table and he and all his friends fell silent as I approached.
I stood there trying to think of what to say, now that I was actually there. I opened my mouth and said, "Very nice!" (I was a teenaged girl, but I said it like Borat, unfortunately). He had no idea what I was talking about, and didn't say anything, so I tried again.
"You were great last night!" I said.
As soon as the words left my mouth, his friends lost it and started whistling and laughing. I was mortified, and slunk back to my table awkwardly. I swear I still cringe about this, almost 30 years later.
Was staying the night at a friend's house when I was around 10-11. Had to take a poop and when I was all done there was no toilet paper, an absolute nightmare. I checked under the sink, in the cabinet, everywhere. My friend was outside and the only people in the house with me were his mom and his older sister that I had a crush on. So, I certainly couldn't shout out that I needed more toilet paper. I weighed my options. Towels, or cotton balls.
I wiped my arse with cotton balls.
I saw somebody open a roll of pennies before by smacking it on the drawer. I had never opened one before and I had two customers watching me as I smashed pennies all over the place. Now I just tear it open instead of trying to be cool.
Last weekend I was eating starbursts and a lady approached me, so naturally I put a wrapped starburst in my mouth.
In 7th grade there was a girl who was super into gay people, to the point where she had gay dating apps on her phone. I guess she was just curious? Anyway, I had a crush on her, so instead of talking to her and getting her to like me like a normal person, I told everyone I was gay.
When I was younger I had a friend who lied a lot. I went to her house one day and she had those little colorful gobstoppers unwrapped all over the floor of her room. I asked her if I could have one and she kept insisting they weren't gobstoppers but wouldn't tell me what they were. I figured she was lying and when she left the room momentarily I popped a few in my mouth. Turns out they weren't gobstoppers, they were plastic balls from a game. I kept them in my mouth for probably 45 minutes until she left the room again just so she wouldn't see.
As an undergrad, I was invited to a halloween costume party. I only knew the person who invited me, and everyone there seemed to know each other, so I was the odd man out. After about 30 minutes of pounding jungle juice and standing around awkwardly, I went outside, buzzed, to escape. I wanted to go home, but my friend had driven me. So, instead, I found a gap in the shrubbery around the house's foundation and hid there, watching other drunks come and go from my cloak of concealment. This is was all fine and well until a girl noticed me and I guess it startled her because she screamed and made a scene. I booked it out of there and walked, in costume, a couple miles to a convenience store to call a relative to come pick me up. That was the last time that a friend invited me to a party.
Sometimes when I'm alone in a strange place and don't know whether I should go sit somewhere by myself or join a group of strangers, I visit a bathroom, sit in the stall for a while, go outside, visit another bathroom and repeat until a friend shows up or class begins.
Now that I think of it, it is hilariously awkward.
Saw a colleague I actually like in the supermarket. Did not want to stop-and-chat and engage in weird small talk in a shop.
I proceeded to awkwardly walk backwards when I spotted her in the aisle and whispered slightly loud to my SO at the time "I hope she can't see me". She turned her face, looked at me and said "I can see AND I can hear you!"
I said bye to someone and we both walked toward the elevators in the hospital. It was just too awkward for me so I proceeded to take the stairs down 12 flights instead...
Also, there was only one elevator in that wing of the hospital so I didn't want to just go down a few floors because I might run into them again. I also didn't want to have to wait for the elevator to go down and then come back up again.
I hugged a job interviewer when I was 16. The interview had concluded and she opened the door and stretched out her arm towards me to indicate I was free to go. For some reason I saw it as an invitation to hug and we had the most awkward one-armed hug/back pat ever.
I was walking in the hallway in middle school and dropped my binder as the cool kids in the grade below me were walking by. Instead of just picking it up I decided it would be cooler to "barely even care" and kick my binder across the hall, towards the classroom I was going in. It instead spread it's contents everywhere.
I got a random bout of social anxiety once while having to go in to a Home Depot to pick up my dad's order of tile and was just so unwilling and afraid to actually talk to an associate that I called my dad and took the phone up to the employee at the counter while I just awkwardly stood away from them and looked at paint.
This is embarrassing, but the best stories usually are.....
It was my first week as a freshman at a Catholic highschool. It was all so new to me.
I had to adhere to a dress code which meant pastel button down shirt, khaki pants, belt, tucked in, tie, blazer, etc.... I am sitting in math class zoning out and thinking about cute girls in my grade when I hear my name called. "Would you like to do this proof on the board?" ...Like I had a choice!
Normally this is a non issue, but I look down after snapping out of my daydream and notice I have a massive erection. Now, as a newcomer to Catholic school education, I had yet to learn the classic waistband tuck technique, so in an effort to buy time, I reluctantly started moving at absolute half of a half of a snail's pace. Now another unfortunate side effect of being in the first week of freshman year, no one knows anyone. SO everyone is looking at each other like, "who the heck is this weird turtle guy?". I am not exaggerating when I say it took a full 45 seconds for me to fully stand up from my desk in the second row. I proceed to hunchback towards the blackboard bent over enough to hide the tent I was pitching from my teacher and the entire class.
I painstakingly work my way through the proof and thinking what is more of a boner killer than algebra, hoped that it would have gone away but alas no...it was still flying at full staff. So I bend over even lower like a 90 year old geriatric with chronic back problems and waddle my way to my desk and stupidly put too much force on the top of the top heavy desk when I get to it, consequently toppling the desk and myself over and falling to the ground. The whole class laughs at this weirdo with a massive boner on the ground under a desk. It would have actually have been less awkward for me to say, "Teacher I have a massive erection right now there is no way I am standing up to do that problem".
When I was around 5 or 6 I was playing at a friend's house outside and I was too nervous to ask to use the bathroom (plus I had never gone inside their house) so I peed my pants and left without saying anything lol.
I bought tweezers to groom my eyebrows (I'm a man). When my female friend saw them in the bag in my back seat, she asked whose they were and I was too embarrassed to say they were mine so I said "I don't know, somebody must've left them," and she took them for herself and I had to buy new ones.
I was really anxious for one of my first adult meetings that I was doing so I looked up the person I was meeting with and when they came in to shake my hand I introduced myself as them.
They thankfully laughed it off and just said, "No, that's my name". I cringe every time I think about it.
I took a huge bite of donut right before someone asked me a question during a work meeting. Instead of waiting or holding up a finger to say 'just a moment,' I tried to swallow it and started choking to death.
This happened yesterday.
I'm in Germany and I can't speak very good german. I'm at a canteen restaurant in a kaufhof for breakfast
I pick up a tray and get myself some bread and cheese and some blood-orange juice, as I walk over to where to pay I spill loads of the juice all over my food, my tray is just soggy red bread and cheese. Instead of trying to ask if I can replace it or just doing it anyway I go over to the cashier and pay for my soggy red sticky breakfast. The lady looks at it and back to me and back to it and says something in german probably along the lines of "Are you sure you want to pay for this?" I looked at her and shamefully said "ja, bitte", and then she counts it all up and it was almost 10 effin euros for just some bread cheese ham and juice.
My anxiety combined with my british-ness and akwardness is not a good combination at all
I needed one sheet of blank printer paper from the computer lab at my college. There were maybe 5 other students in there when I walked in and I was afraid that pulling open the paper drawer on the printer would be super loud and disruptive so I logged on to a computer and printed out 5 blank pieces of paper instead.
One time in middle school I was standing in a line in this little building where the school sold concessions at lunch. There was another line right next to me (to my right) and in that line there were two girls talking with each other, just slightly ahead of me. One of the girls had some writing on her shirt on the chest and I was bored and trying to read it.
I overhear the other girl tell her, "That little kid over there is staring at your boob." So instead of just being normal, and saying "Oh no, I'm just trying to read your shirt." I instead start staring at the wall past her, like staring into the distance is just a normal thing I do. I let people walk around me in the line because I'm so committed to my new staring gimmick.
What an idiot I was....
My first time staying at my long distance gfs, I didn't want her to know I pooped, so I held it from Friday morning until Monday night. Blocked up for days.
I accidentally got on the bus going in the opposite direction from where I wanted to go, and instead of getting off at the first stop after I realized this, or the next 20 stops, I rode the entire route. Just because I didn't want anyone to know what I did (not that they would have anyways).
Thank you for reading!
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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