If you're like me, you've spent hours watching silly videos of corgis jumping off docks, cats running around chasing their own shadow, and fish slamming into each other at breakneck speeds. Our pets bring us so much joy but they also bring us so much humour... Especially the dumb ones.

People on Reddit who own pets were asked: "What are your stupid pet stories?" These are some of the best answers.

When my dog was a puppy she was convinced our TV was a window. When we lived in our apartment, behind our TV was the stairs up to the bedrooms. More than once when we were watching shows with animals in them she would run up the stairs to right behind the TV looking for those animals.


My cat is one of God's special creatures. She has this thing about sticking her head in things, and when she get stuck she will either cry so I come help her out or she will come to me and sit sadly waiting for me to remove it.


My dog continuously, usually more than once a day, almost every day for years, goes into a room, closes the door, and then a few hours later barks at us to open it. She hasn't learned yet.


When she was a puppy my dog would 'bury' her toys in the middle of the room. She'd dig the carpet, making a 'hole', she'd then meticulously place the toy in the hole, then bury it with her paws and nose, shovelling the supposed dirt over it.

There'd just be a ball in the middle of the floor but she was satisfied it was buried and she'd trot off happily.


My wife heard the cat screaming like it was being mauled by a lion.

She went outside and looked under the house to see the cat, being mauled... by a lizard on her paw.


I once had a dog that would spend all day chasing shadows and reflections on the walls. When he "caught" them he would just sit and lick the wall. He could have easily licked the wall for hours on end.


My cat likes to play with plastic Easter eggs. She picks a half up in her mouth, and trots around with it, yowling all the while, with the egg functioning as an amplifier.

One year we got the kids these big eggs full of candy, and eventually she found one and tried to play with it the same way. Except when she picked it up, it flipped up over face and covered her eyes. She panicked and started running around like AW MAH GORD IM BLIND, clanging into the baseboard heaters and what ever else. It was hysterical!

She finally dropped it, and stood there dazed. "I CAN SEE AGAIN IT'S A MIRACLE! Oh look an egg!" And picked up the egg and did it again. And again. And again. I finally threw the damn thing away because she would do it in middle of the night.


My dog likes likes to play fetch with tiny objects. She's brought me a blade of grass, a tiny stone, blossom, a seed... stuff so small that it just sticks to her tongue and she has to lick you a few times to get it to stick to your leg. Then she just nudges it until you attempt to throw it.


My little cat got stuck under the couch because she forgot how she got under there. I had to rescue her because she wouldn't stop screaming. She's beautiful and very sweet and loving but the inbreeding shows....


I have a corgi-Aussie mix. He's got the corgi length and is stubby. Whenever we get a big snow, he'll waddle up to a tree and lift his leg to pee, throws his whole body into the motion, teeters, and then slowly falls over onto his side. He'll casually get back up and waddle back to the sidewalk like nothing happened.

I don't know how he doesn't constantly fall over while peeing. He doesn't just casually lift a leg. He commits like he's doing parkour.


I have a six year old cat that still doesn't know how doors work. When you open the door to let her out, she runs behind it and tries to go through the crack by the hinges. She'll stand there meowing at you like "I can't fit through here...do something."


One day, after we had gotten 7 or 8 inches of snow, my cat decided to be a brave adventurer and dash out of the door. She knows she absolutely hates snow, but always does this. (I must also note, that she has no clue what to do when she gets outside. She starts making this ridiculous meow/scream that is mind-blowingly hilarious.)

She runs out, jumps into the snow and disappears. I'm sitting there letting her learn her lesson. I hear a muffled meow scream as she very very slowly lifts her head up above the snow. Her mouth stays wide open, her eyes pure and total regret, and continues to stare at me doing this meow until I came and picked her up.

She did it again an hour later.


My cat doesn't know how to bury his poop. He just hits the wall of the poo box repeatedly then leaves the poop on top without so much as remotely disturbing the litter around the poop.


We had an adorable greyhound called Bertie, who was sadly put to sleep last month. Definitely the Kevin of the canine world. One time we were having some fencing replaced in the back garden, and when we got back from our walk the workmen had taken down all of the fencing but left the gate standing.

Bertie stood by the gate waiting for it to be opened despite the fact that he could have easily walked round either side. I tried pushing him round? Nope. Just wagged his tail and looked at me. Walked round myself and tried to lead him? Nope. I had to actually open the gate, whereupon he happily trotted through. The workmen were pissing themselves laughing.

He'd also regularly wake himself up with his own farts and stare accusingly at us. Like "Hey, who threw that firecracker and woke me up?" Miss him every day.


My dog Sam once grabbed his rear leg in his mouth and tried to walk off with it. He didn't get very far.


Found my dog licking an unconscious baby rattlesnake in my backyard... stopped her, put the snake in a jar, then marvelled at my dogs complete lack of animal instincts.


I have a really old, really stupid cockatiel named Tina.

She likes to waddle around the floor with my other cockatiel, Alex, who is her mate. But she'll walk behind the curtain and then freak out because she can't see Alex and thinks he's vanished. So she starts screaming again.


We thought my cat was blind. She would be sitting with us, and then walk into the other room and start crying because she didn't know where we were. When we called her name she would stop crying, come back, and sit with us again.

Her vision is fine. She's just dumb.


One of my cats jumped down from the breakfast bar and landed on her face. She didn't even put her paws out to stop herself, just went splat.


My dog used to scratch his ear so much with his back foot that he would hurt his ear and then bite his own foot to teach it a lesson.


I had a farm cat when I was a teenager that loved to climb up and sit on the roof. Problem was, he had the habit of rolling over for a tummy rub whenever he saw a person. So it was a distressingly common occurrence to walk near the house and have him roll right off the roof. You'd think after the first three times he'd have learned, but no. He lived a long life despite himself.


My pug charges head first into the tv. Every night. Without fail. For eight years.


Had a dog that liked to lick the built up ice in the freezer every time we opened the door. Got his tongue stuck regularly. Always went back for more.


My cat won't use the litter box. He poops in the potted plants around the house. But not the real ones. He only poops in the fake plants. 



You May Also Like
Hi friend— subscribe to my mailing list to get inbox updates of news, funnies, and sweepstakes.
—George Takei