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1. We had one manager called Simon that should never ever have been allowed to manage a team. He was a bumbler, didn't know the job, didn't know how to motivate people and was just awful. Nice guy outside work, but clearly out of his depth.

I need you to picture this guy in your mind. He's round, balding, glasses and peeking out from the collar of his shirts is an overwhelming about of chest/back hair- it's like he's got a jumper attached to his skin.

I opened my present in front of the office. It was a Jigsaw, of one of Simon's private holiday photos, topless, in a pool with a Dolphin. Emblazoned across it was "Merry Christmas, love from Simon xxx"

I opened it to a bit of general hilarity from those around me. I smiled, despite the slight nausea and held it up.

"Guess I figured out who my secret santa is then? Thanks Simon. I think."

"What? I didn't buy that, I got Dave! Who the hell got hold of my photos?"

I still to this day do not know who bought that gift.

ScoutManDan

2. A brand new unopened copy of Windows 95 (in 2014)

Taintius_thundercck

3. For Christmas in 1983 I received a book with the title 99 reasons the World will end in 1980.

SplendaSpice

4. One year we wrapped up half my uncles wardrobe individually and presented it to him as if they were gifts of new clothes. It was fun watching him do the whole fake surprise thing, and then see him grow skeptical, and then realize what is going on. He proceeded to have to unwrap everything so that he could put it back.

Lazoord

5. I know a guy who melted off all a candle's wax and poured it into a separate container, then wrapped the wick in hair, leaving just the top unwrapped, then he actually (Continued)


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then he actually poured the wax back in and let it solidify, making sure to liquefy it once more in order to flatten the top. Then the gift came up and many people wanted this candle, thinking it to smell very good. They used the candle and were met with the smell of burning hair.

KalebMW99

6. I gave one of my good friends a normal gift with a card. She opened the gift and read the card which said, "If you don't like this gift, there's another one for you in your car." I put the other gift, wrapped neatly in a box, in the back seat of her car. When she got the chance, she opened the second gift and read the card. The second gift was a big, black dildo the size of a lumberjack's forearm. The card said, "If you don't like the first gift, you can go screw yourself."

We both got a laugh out of it.

religiousgrandpa

7. Those pervy Japanese steam games, idk why but my friend just sent me one and signed it "merry christmas you disappointment."

TheDJZ

8. Last year I received a trashy romance novel called "Pleasing Her Seal" (double entendre on point, dude was a navy seal). But, bonus, the gift giver also figured out all the information he needed to subscribe me to the book club, so the real surprise came a month later, when I received 3 more trashy novels at my doorstep, and the next month, until I had to call them and cancel.

I now have a collection of smut.

CheetosChickenFrys

9. I witnessed a coworker receive a subscription to pornhub and a box of tissues in the middle of a busy office. Lucky boy.

Lukebr4

10. My coworker gave my other coworker a "pocket pussy" because he thought everyone would be opening their presents privately. But actually, we had to sit in a circle while we took turns opening our presents. When it came time for him to open his, (Continued)


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When it came time for him to open his, everyone was so floored. The crazy shenanigans that unfolded is something that I'll always laugh at.

Mr_Funnybones

11. A few years back my father in law lost the tip of his finger when trying to fix the garage door. They were able to save it and it was given away at our family white elephant exchange. Now that was messed up, but the following year the Uncle that had "won" it brought it back. This time though it was encased in resin and placed in a shadow box with text saying "You've been given the finger." My father in law won it again and now refuses to put it back into the gift exchange.

wamorgan29

12. I ALWAYS buy my wife at least one gag gift a year.

So this year I bought her a "Peequality" - - - it's a device that allows her to stand up while she pees. Almost like a plastic dick funnel.

sporgi

13. The most depressing one I've heard about is when my boyfriend, as a kid, received a scratch lottery ticket packaged in a Playstation box. Obviously, he didn't win anything.

cosmicdebriz

14. The most entertaining was a brand new unopened toilet seat, mainly because there was an older guy there that needed one and was in trouble with his wife because he kept forgetting to get one at the store.

wallaceant

15. A 1970's paperback nudist camp directory of the U.S.

IrishRun

16. A framed and mounted taxadermied mouse skin (sans head and feet). Complete with a (Continued)


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Complete with the tag with the latin name.

During the White Elephant (that gift game where you keep trading gifts with people), my son watched that thing like a hawk and as soon as he unwrapped his gift he traded it for the mouse. He was the happiest 6 year old in the room.

auntbabe

17. Dude brought a huge box, like big enough for a dorm refrigerator plus packing material. It was wrapped and had a bow on top, but the top was bulging a bit, and every so often it seemed to move on its own. When the package was finally unwrapped, it was revealed that the box had not been taped shut. The flaps parted to release a bunch of helium balloons which rose slowly toward the ceiling, carrying a very large pair of red, silk, women's panties beneath them.

yourdungeonmaster

18. GrandMother in law gave my dad combs for a number of years. He'd maintained a shaved head since before he got married to my mom.

straydog1980

19. My mum once found a crappy little charm bracelet in the street in Ireland, in the gutter, covered in mud. She cleaned it, wrapped it up and gave it to my brother's fianc for Christmas that year. When she opened it she (Continued)


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When she opened it she thought it was hilarious! Now, every year, they gift it back to each other every Christmas. This has been going on for nearly 10 years.

_Polite_as_F

20. Christmas themed men's boxer shots. Clearly re-gifted because the box smelled of smoke and looked old (my secret santa was a smoker)

I'm a girl...

SylvieK

21. I got poop.

No, seriously, I got a Coprolite, which is fossilized Dinosaur poo. It is AWESOME, and I was very happy to receive it. There really haven't been many terrible gifts- if you went through the trouble of signing up, you probably aren't going to intentionally send a rotten gift- but there are a fair number of "No Gift" disappointments. The credit system means that if you fail to send a gift, or send a really horrible one intentionally, you are banned from future exchanges.

Phantom_Scarecrow

22. Some students got together and bought the crabby old nun that ran the confirmation class an "African Grey" parrot that had been taught an extensive repertoire of cuss words and obscene phrases.

They thought it would scandalize her. Instead, she later said she loved it and that the cussing parrot was a "conversation piece" in the convent.

Back2Bach

23. I've had a lot of fun giving the"World's Okayest Girlfriend" and "World's Okayest Boss" coffee mugs from Worlds Okayest.

If you give them to the right person the reaction can be hilarious. For instance, I bought one for my boss and left it on his desk without a card or anything. He spent the entire day wondering who gave it to him and if it was a joke or not.

It wasn't, he's a terrible boss.

dont_drink_the_milk

24. My aunt once gave my mom a framed photo she had taken at the zoo of two tortoises getting it on.

My mom did what anyone would have done and (Continued)


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My mom did what anyone would have done and hung it up on the wall behind the toilet for everyone to see.

That was a good 10 or so years ago and my mom has moved twice since receiving it and still hangs it up behind the toilet.

mplsleprechaun

25. One year my Uncle got stuck with a brick, which his wife made him get stuck with.

So, to take his revenge he buckled the brick into the front passenger seat and "made" her ride in the back with their daughter.

Every year since then, the brick always comes back, and whoever had it last year signs and dates it.

Kolada

26. My brother gave me a hand turkey that he drew minutes earlier for Christmas. This would have been ok if he was 5 or something... He was 21 years old.

I framed it and gifted it back to him the next year.

Picklefingers69

28. A ziploc bag filled with cotton balls with the words "ghost poos" written on the bag in sharpie.

Thewrongbakedpotato

29. Sore throat medicine... I didn't have a sore throat.

Waffletits83

30. A rubber Hulk Hogan figurine (it looked like it was a Christmas ornament with the loop snipped off) glued to a very bizarre toy horse. An elderly friend of the family gave it to me and wouldn't stop mentioning how "they are supposed to look like that; that's how it came from the store" even though I didn't voice any doubts.

It's also kind of the best gift I ever got.

The_Brain_Fckler

31. Didn't receive but accidentally gifted this. It was Christmas time about 10 years ago and like usual the whole family convened at my grandmother's for gifting, food, drinking etc. Under the impression that it was a secret Santa 16 year old me thought it would be hilarious to buy a cousin a plush chlamydia toy. As soon as all the grand kids sat down to exchange secret Santa gifts my grandmother had the great idea that we play white elephant so she sits down and we all start playing. You can't really tell a 65 year old woman no in this scenario. So the game goes round and she is last, and of course she selects the gift intended for my cousin. As she opens it she looks confused and asks what it is. My mother through uncontrollable laughter tells the room I gave my grandmother chlamydia... The look on her face and super French Canadian noise she made while dropping the plush STI will forever be seared into my memory.

the_cckie_monster

31. Didn't receive but accidentally gifted this. It was Christmas time about 10 years ago and like usual the whole family convened at my grandmother's for gifting, food, drinking etc. Under the impression that it was a secret Santa 16 year old me thought it would be hilarious to buy a cousin a plush chlamydia toy. As soon as all the grand kids sat down to exchange secret Santa gifts my grandmother had the great idea that we play white elephant so she sits down and we all start playing. You can't really tell a 65 year old woman no in this scenario. So the game goes round and she is last, and of course she selects the gift intended for my cousin. As she opens it she looks confused and asks what it is. My mother through uncontrollable laughter tells the room I gave my grandmother chlamydia... The look on her face and super French Canadian noise she made while dropping the plush STI will forever be seared into my memory.

the_cckie_monster

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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