The Onion works hard to put top notch parody news into the universe for our reading pleasure. But sometimes, the universe provides a little something on its own. Enjoy these weird but true news headlines from around the world this week.
1. Donald Trump officially names Obamacare replacement 'World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017 (Independent)
Could we expect anything less from ol' Donald? Quite frankly, I think comedians are getting a little sick of the drying well of Trump jokes to make. It's always the same old thing with him.
According to the article, "The Worlds Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017" - yes, that is its official title - "has been introduced by Texas Representative Pete Sessions and begins its long slug through the House and Senate before hitting the Presidents desk."
Despite major criticisms like the fact that this plan could leave millions of people without insurance everyone is going to have to refer to it as "The World's Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017" every time they mention it. But, let's look on the bright side they say laughter is the best medicine, so talk about how ridiculous the name is enough times and maybe you won't even need to worry about health insurance. That's how it works, right?!
2. Nintendo Switch cartridges 'taste so bad' (BBC)
So you've got a night alone for gaming. You get your snacks out. You get your game on. You do your mandatory pre-game controller lick. BLEGH!
WHAT THE CRYING SEA KELP?!!
Gamers around the world stared to notice their new Nintendo Switch cartridges tasted awful, but it wasn't coincidence. The foul taste comes from a "bittering agent" intended to prevent them from being accidentally swallowed. You can read more details here, but here are some quotes from the article by gamers who tasted the controller:
"The strange thing about it was it lasted a very long time - for an hour or so afterwards I could still taste it."
"Oh, it's so... God... it's so awful."
Guy who did a Youtube taste review
"I had to stop and grab something to eat or drink to get this flavour out of my mouth."
Again, Jeff Gerstmann (he has a lot of feels about this)
3. Man found not guilty of stealing cheese, but he left his trial before the verdict and got prison time (The Virginian Pilot)
You can rest easy tonight, knowing that the court systems are really focusing their energies on the important things in life. Not only was this case about a man named Cochran being WRONGLY ACCUSED AND BROUGHT TO COURT over stealing $33 worth of sharp cheddar, but Cochran actually went to jail because he left the trail (for which was NOT GUILTY) early. If we had to spend our day arguing that we didn't steal a brick of pressed milk curds, I'm pretty sure we'd all be saying, "That's it, I'm out." Read the whole story here.
Read more on the next page!
4. YouTube cuts popular live stream of giraffe about to give birth for nudity and sexual content (Fox31)
This article title was actually changed to "YouTube restores live stream of giraffe giving birth at New York adventure park" after it went out, but the question isn't about the specifics of the title. It's about the fact that Youtube pulled a nature video of a giraffe giving birth because apparently it was too nude and too sexual for the public. You know, because there are so many people that are going to be up in arms about a giraffe vagina.
5. Betsy DeVos labels Black Colleges 'pioneers of choice' despite being set up for African-Americans with no options (Independent)
Okay, the wording of this headline is somewhat garbled, so let me break it down for you (I really wish it was parody, I really do). After meeting with university leaders at the White House with President Donald Trump on Monday, Betsy DeVos, US Education Secretary, released a statement illustrating her administrations proposals to help develop underserved communities.
In it, she said Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) were real pioneers when it comes to school choice."
They are living proof that when more options are provided to students, they are afforded greater access and greater quality," she added. Their success has shown that more options help students flourish."
Uhhhh, Betsy? Black Colleges and Universities in the US were established because Black citizens in the US DIDN'T HAVE THE CHOICE TO ATTEND UNIVERSITY OTHERWISE. They literally weren't allowed to apply to "regular" college. Black Colleges aren't there to "offer something new" to a population of people who wouldn't otherwise want to go to university / college. They're there because, in the aftermath of the Civil War, Black people wanted to go to Univeristy / college and were told "Hey, you can't come here, white people only" So they were like "F-ck this I'm gonna start my own school because I want an education."
6. Workmen's cafe overwhelmed with customers after it is accidentally awarded a Michelin star (Telegraph)
Picture this: a tiny cafe that mostly caters to crews of local tradesmen in central France was flooded with phone calls from gourmet diners. Diners, reporters, and TV crews swarmed to the cafe to find.... red and white polka dot plastic tablecloths and homemade lasagna. Great! But probably not what people expected, considering the restaurant had recently been awarded a Michelin star. As it turns out, the prestigious label was an error it was supposed to go to a restaurant with the same name that just so happened to also have a similar address. Woops! Read more about it, here.
Continue reading on the next page.
Yep, this is real, folks. A 66-year-old passenger on the Hawaiian Airlines threatened the worker after he was charged $12 for a blanket. Apparently the plane was chilly and the man wasn't ready to shell out a dozen dollars for comfort. Check out the article here.
8. 67-year-old man dies from heart attack after catching prized Pokemon 'Lapras' at MBS (AsiaOne)
Pokemon Go fans will know that the Lapras is an extremely big catch. It's a rare monster in the Pokeworld, so if you see it near an entrance to Bayfront MRT Station, you drop everything and go. Which is exactly what 67-year-old man did. Also, I'm gonna take a moment to note how cool this guy must have been that he was spending his time as a retired senior catching Pokemon. Anyway, back to the story in some sort of cruel twist of fate, moments after his big win, he suffered a fatal heart attack. You can read this bittersweet story here.
9. Martial arts academy posts how-to video for defending against Trump handshake (The Hill)
We all need to use our knowledge and power to help those around us. That is why a mixed martial arts online magazine has posted a tutorial from a jiu-jitsu academy informing the public on how to defend against President Trumps handshakes. If you don't know what the "Trumpshake" is (yes, I just coined that term), it's this weird power play in which Trump literally grabs the other person's hand, yanks the person towards him, and shakes in back and forth in a horizontal motion similar to using a handsaw. Then, if he really wants to that extra je ne sais quoi, Donald taps continues holding the other person's hand and taps it gently, as if to say, "Good booooooy."
This Defence Against the Dark Arts tutorial (yeah I made that name up, but it's pretty close) is very important and should be mandatory in curriculums across North America (maybe even the world). You can watch it here.
Continue reading on the next page!
10. Man marks his ex-girlfriend's apology letter and sends it back to her (BBC)
Breakups can be hard. Especially when your ex writes you a backhanded apology letter to "make you feel stupid". According to Nick Lutz, that's exactly what happened to him. So how did he decide to deal with it? He graded it.
According to the BBC, "he starts off by saying the introduction is too long and that there's lots of repetition."
And then it goes on from there.
I'm not sure who to side with on this one, but one thing I would like to note is that this made news on the BBC. The BBC, people. The British Broadcasting Corporation is invested enough in this couple's petty break up that they needed to dissect it in an article. Apparently it was a slow news day...
11. Mexican town pays tribute to firework blast victims with pyrotechnic display (The Guardian)
When victims of a shark attack have a funeral, you host it at an aquarium. When a family dies in a tragic car accident, the whole town commemorates their lives with a humble drag race 'round the parking lot. Obviously, that's the rule, right? You're supposed to like, match the thing that killed the people with the way that you pay tribute to them?
Well that's exactly the logic that applied when a tragic accident at the pyrotechnics market on the Northern outskirts of Mexico City killed dozens, injured many more, and obliterated the market. In order to pay tribute to the victims, the town dedicated their National Pyrotechnics Fair and culminating display of "musical pyrotechnics" to the 42 victims of the disaster.
Someone should really tell Alanis Morissette about this, in case she ever wants to remake Ironic. Read the rest of the story here.
12. College student opened care package from mom, it was the trash he forgot to take out (ABC News)
This. Is. Brilliant.
That is all.
You can read the details here, but the headline really says it all.
Continue reading on the next page!
13. Parkour mishap leaves tall, thin man stuck in downtown Denver chimney (The Denver Post)
We've all been there. One moment we're clambering around on the fourth floor rooftop of an old building, the next moment we're a skinny man from Denver whose fallen 35 feet down the old incinerator chimney. I know what you're all thinking: story of my life. Getting stuck in a big ol' chimney is practically a right of passage.
Hinkel, the man in question, was rescued after several hours. He's now being held in jail because, you know, maybe he was trying to rob the building. Doors and windows are so last year.
You can read more about this man who is "6 feet 5 inches tall and weighs 170 pounds" (yes, that's an actual quote from the article. Is it just me or do they seem eerily obsessed with nailing home that this man is both tall and thin?) here.
14. Police called to North Yorkshire school after toilet breaks 'limited to two a day' (Independent)
On some sort of weird power trip, Pupils at a North Yorkshire school were recently told by their teacher that they could only use the toilet between 11.05-11.25am and 12.25-12.45pm. Because, you know, kids can totally control their tiny bladders well enough to use the toilet in limited time windows. According to the article, "officers were forced to be called in after up to 40 students took to the playing fields on Friday morning protesting the controversial new rule at Bedale High School." Yay for little protestors! But seriously... I can't believe this happened. Read the whole story here.
15. Fight on UK train after people kept placing bagels on travellers' heads (The Guardian)
Brexit. Racism. Poverty. There are a lot of things to be concerned about today. Now, we add bagels to the list.
Police were called to break up a fight on a train as rowdy passengers repeatedly placed bagels on other travellers heads.
According to the article, and also the police and a video posted online, the group of bagel delinquents placed bagels on people's heads, and even broke into an original song entitled, "Hes got bagel on his head" at one point.
The police were quick to report to the scene. And they paid attention to the real victims in this tragedy: the bagels.
British Transport police tweeted: Lets be clear, no bagel should be treated so cruelly. And no one subjected to intimidating behaviour. Ever need us text 61016.
You can read more about the bagel shenanigans here.
Continue reading on the next page!
16. Barcelona to feed pigeons contraceptives in bid to slash numbers (El Pais)
Barcelona installed about 40 black metal cylinders in centrally located parks that contain bird seed spiked with contraceptives. Apparently their attempts to curb their 85,000 strong pigeon population, including capturing and just straight up killing the birds, have proved worthless, and quite frankly, inhumane.
According to the article, "City hall hopes to reduce the population by around 20% in the first year of the contraceptive scheme, with overall numbers falling by 80% in four to five years."
The cost of the project? 250,000 a year.
The big win? Not having to clean up pigeon poop.
17. Chilly chickens wear sweaters, egg production skyrockets (CBS News)
Chickens work hard to supply us with our eggs. How the hell are they supposed to do their job properly if they're freezing their little tail feathers off? According to the article, "Certain breeds shed their feathers and grow new plumage in the winter months. Others imported from tropical climates just arent suited for the wintry conditions."
Thank goodness for the knitting club at Fuller Village, a retirement home in Milton, Massachusetts, who heard about the hardships that some chickens experience, and came to the rescue.
Cue: Knitted chicken sweaters.
Not only did the chickens look cute, cozy, and fly, but they were comfortable enough to start doing their job properly. According to Estate spokeswoman, Erica Max, there has been a noticeable jump in egg production since the chickens started sporting their new garb.
18. Kellyanne Conway suggests Barack Obama was spying on Donald Trump through a microwave (Independent)
We all know that after an extremely stressful 8-year tenure as U.S President, Barack Obama's first item on his agenda as a retired man is to keep tabs on what his successor is up to. Not a vacation or hanging with his family or taking a breather nooooo those things would be way too "normal human" for Barack.
According to Donald Trump's Senior Aide, Kelly Conway, they've got a hunch that Obama "could have monitored the President through a microwave." But not the old fashioned wire-tapping way. Oh no. That would be far too "normal human" for Barack.
According to the article, Conway claimed that "surveillance could be conducted with "microwaves that turn into cameras," and added: We know this is a fact of modern life.""
So all y'all that didn't quite catch that common sense tidbit, microwaves that turn into cameras are now a thing and Obama may totally be using them to spy on Trump instead of, I dunno, catching up on the loooooong list of other life experiences that he couldn't have while he was president.
Thanks for reading!
External image source: pathdoc / Shutterstock.com
Unfortunately, not every person is able to stay settled in one home their entire lives. Some people are constantly moving around.
Be it for a job, or as a lifestyle choice, the reasoning is never fully uniform. But it does cause a lot of stress, and it can be really helpful to have some guiding principles set up everywhere.
These people are here to help you with those.
Here were some of those answers.
Marie Kondo Would Be Proud
Take the opportunity to throw out garbage or stuff you don't need. Don't move useless stuff
And if possible start this process a few months before moving day. If you try to do it as you pack in the few days before the move, you'll run out of time.
Pack Those Tools Daddy Yas
Last thing packed and first thing unpacked should be tools, because something is gonna need to be disassembled or assembled and it helps if you know exactly where those implements are.
Tools. SCISSORS. Toliet paper. Paper towels. Small towel. Hand soap. Paper plates. Lightbulbs/flashlight. Some granola bars. Cleaning supplies. Backup chargers. Pen and paper (write out important numbers eg electric, gas, water, landlord, internet - assume your phone dies and you can't find charger or elec not on, what would you need).
Especially for a longer distance move, make and label the "OPEN FIRST" box as if you needed to live off it. Then if move has delays or other issues you can open that one and collapse.
Don't Be Keepin It All
Get rid of stuff.
Like, lots of stuff. If you have to wonder if you really want to keep it--you probably don't.
Give stuff away, take it to thrift shops, put it on give-away message boards...or just throw it away if you have to.
I move about every three years, and it's crazy how much unessential junk collects in my home.
There's nothing worse than unpacking in your new place and finding something you wish you hadn't just paid someone to protect and transport for you.
These tips and tricks will most definitely come in handy for you the next time you need to move.
Get a large trash bag and rip a hole in the bottom (about the size of your fist). Then take any clothes that you have on hangers and put them in the bag with the hooks of the hangers going through the hole you made. Put as many as the bag allows and then tie the bottom with the trash bag's drawstrings. Super easy way to transport hanging clothes, keeps them clean, and makes it super easy to re-hang them.
Makes A Difference
Hire movers if you can afford it
It seriously takes soooo much stress out of the whole process
Moved every year for about 7 years...only did movers the last few times
Wouldn't have it any other way now
New Digs, New Look, New Me
Most people are talking about the sh*t you physically pack here. For me the problem is address changes.
Whenever I have someone save my address information (e.g. Chewy, my dog's microchip manager, Work), I add them to like... OneDrive or Google sheets, and save the information there. When it comes time to change my address, I change it with my bank first, then go through and change it with the various services. I have a marker for whether it's no longer in use (to track things that had my address in the past), the login URL for the site and whether it uses my credit card information.
It doesn't necessarily have to be places that you do financial transactions with either. It sounds like a pain in the butt, and it is somewhat, but I have 55 different places I need to update my information with, and I move roughly once a year.
If you have a physical library add a couple of layers of books to each box rather than lumping them all together
Not only does this distribute the weight evenly making sure no boxes are overly cumbersome, but it also makes your boxes bottom heavy meaning they are less likely to tip over
You've definitely hassled with these before, but it can be really hard to actually know how to solve moving problems. That's why these tips are here.
Spread It Out Like BUTTAH
If you can afford to, always schedule an overlap of at least a week between when you can move into your new place, and when you have to be out of your old one, as opposed to trying to fit the whole move into 1-2 days. Packing, sorting, moving, and esp. cleaning the old place...makes the whole process *so* much less stressful.
To Settle Faster
Pack a first day box. Include the usual and... soap, toilet paper, shower curtain, snacks, good alcohol, paper towels, regular towels, a few change of clothes, blanket, pillow, few utensils etc.
Yeah, this is a great tip.
I extend this beyond the first day, to the last couple days before the move and the first couple days after the move. In other words, don't assume that you can pack and unpack everything in just a day or so. Give yourself time to start packing and preparing in advance, by separating the minimum set of stuff you need to keep living vs. the stuff that can you can pack in advance. I literally pack that minimum set of stuff into a duffel bag like I'm packing for a trip for a few days, and pack everything else up for the move.
No Throwing Backs Out Today Mama
Put heavier things in smaller boxes. A small box of books is easier to move than a large box. Don't just think of what fits in something, consider how heavy you can carry and try not to pack heavier than you can move
So whether or not you're moving, or you will have to move in the next couple of months--hopefully this list helps you with some of your more cumbersome and daunting tasks.
The stress of moving is literally unparalleled--besides with death and divorce--so having this little bit of support can truly make all the difference.
For anybody who's worked at least a few months in the food service industry, that adage that "the customer is always right" can be a total tease.
Yes, good customer service is important. We want people to enjoy their meal, tip well, and come back to pay more money in the future.
But sometimes a customer's entitled attitude can ruffle a waiter's feathers enough for them to take some *subtle* action.
Or, in many cases, a waiter may simply be careless enough to do something profoundly awful to a meal, whether there was some customer transgression or not.
Either way, it's best to have your head on a swivel and be as polite as possible whenever you find yourself giving your order to a hard-working server.
RegulatoryCapturedMe asked, "Restaurant workers of Reddit, what is the worst thing you have seen done to a customer's order?"
Some people chose to talk not about vindictive behavior, but mindless habits. These stories outlined all the gross things that happen behind the scenes because a cook just couldn't be bothered to keep things sanitary.
Floor + Griddle
"I worked at a popular fast food chain in my younger years, it was my first time with closing shift and we were all doing our part to clean and prep the store."
"I see this lady with a mop and bucket come out of the back, slop it on to the griddle and START MOPPING IT. I was appalled. I went and told the manager and she tells me well that's the quickest way to clean it then scolded me for worrying about things that didn't concern me."
"I quit that job next day and then called the district office and told them what happened. That location closed down not long after. But the franchise still exists."
5 Second Rule (x 50 = 250 Second Rule)
"Worked at a 50's style diner."
"Was prepping the chicken breasts for our burgers and dropped a tray of 50 and they slid right under the grill, easily the dirtiest place in the whole restaurant."
"My boss saw and had me pick them all up rinse them with water and re-season then and stick them back in the fridge..."
"No One Will Notice"
"I saw a waiter pour an orange juice, take a big swig with his lips on the rim, top it up then take it to the table." -- RegulatoryCapturedMe
"In college, I worked for a well known pizza place. One of our wait staff came to collect a pepperoni pizza, and nabbed a piece of pepperoni off the top before taking it out."
"He gets to the table, and everyone is staring at him in stunned silence. There's a very fine string of cheese going from the pizza to his mouth." -- DeeTee79
Others chose to highlight the times a co-worker was, indeed, straight up vindictive. These small acts of revenge were blatant, shameless, and often very gross.
A Symbolic Attack
"Worked in restaurants for over 10 years. It's pretty rare that you see people mess with someone's food but it does happen occasionally."
"The most memorable was once when a customer made a waitress cry complaining about their food and sent it back. The chef farted on the remake. It got a lot of laughs."
"More common is if a customer is an ahole, when they order dessert, you find the smallest slice of cheesecake you can."
The Brine Does Look Like Urine
"I know a guy that pissed in a bucket of pickles. He would have never been caught if he didn't talk about it." -- filthysquatch
"Welp. That's a felony." -- saltnskittles
"number 14 mcdonalds pi** pickles" -- LetsGeauxSaints
Some Burger With Your Pickles
"I had a buddy at mcdonalds, a real chaotic type, who every once and a while would say 'oh hey, guess what time it is... PICKLE SURPRISE!' and put a whole handful of pickles on a random cheeseburger." -- mattmoney31716
"Dude... I got like 9 fu**ing pickles on my regular tiny hamburger the other day.. I think he might still work there." -- vl8669
A Clear Policy
"At my last restaurant job, my coworker would make very ugly sundaes for customers who were rude."
"For particularly nice customers, she would painstakingly recreate the sundaes in the menu pictures and give them extra cream and sprinkles."
Finally, others were just as revengeful, but they took out their rage in a more subtle way.
Rather than ruin a meal completely in a brash, obvious way, these cooks and waiters simply listened to customers' order and gave them exactly what they asked for.
These stories remind that we should be careful what we wish for, especially if we've upset the waiter.
A Crowded Pie
"I gave them what they ordered. We were a pizza/Italian/bar restaurant. Our menu was ludicrously large and essentially anything that was on the menu that could go on a pizza was listed as a topping, probably 40 to 50 topping choices.
"I would get asked pretty often for 'a pizza with everything on it!' I had a usual joke or two to find out what they really wanted. Typically a deluxe but then they'd want no black olives or whatever. No big deal."
"Until the a**hole came in that that ordered 'everything' and then proceeded to ask if I was ret##### when I questioned him. My sister has disabilities so I didn't appreciate his tact... told my boss about it and he smiled and said get him a pizza with everything."
"Brought it out and gave it to him. He flipped out and demanded the manager of course. My manager had my back and gave the guy his bill which at $2 a topping was well over a $100 pizza. Guy refused to pay, cops got called, Yada Yada Yada. I hope he enjoyed his pizza with clams, pineapple, Buffalo chicken, broccoli, anchovies, green olives, cream cheese, cauliflower, jalapeños, shrimp..."
Flying Too Close to the Sun
"Some Indian guys came in one time and asked for us to make their food as spicy as possible. I told them that's going to be extremely spicy and wanted to make sure they knew what they were asking for."
"They went on a long rant about how Indian restaurants are the only places that actual know what spicy is and anything we bring out isn't going to be close to how spicy they like their food."
"So I had the owner come over to tell them that we'll try our best but there won't be any refund on this food if it's too spicy. So we made them chicken fried rice with Trinidad scorpion peppers. After 2 bites and about 10 glasses of soy milk later, they ordered something else."
Extra Extra Extra
"Wanted extra mayo so I maliciously complied by drenching it. Lady thought I would forget her fake $10 prayer tip the last time she was there." -- Dumfk
"Just keep one on hand for when you see those people again, give it back as their change, or if you care about/need your job, dont listen to me about anything." -- harpo555
It's a list that might leave you feeling rather paranoid about going to fast food or sit down restaurants in the future. But at least one preventative maneuver emerged as a common theme: be polite.
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People Explain Which Things They Thought Were Completely Normal As A Kid And Later Realized Were Really Weird
As much as adults regularly hammer home the importance of honesty with their children, parents are responsible for a significant amount of white lies and bent truth.
It makes sense. Parents are busy, they're human beings who grow impatient, and they find efficiency rather refreshing.
So it's no wonder they fabricate a few elements of "reality" here and there, all to make their kids act in a way that, typically, is well-adjusted for societal expectations.
But when those kids grow into adults, they learn to adopt the behaviors without the lies. And at that moment, the absurdity of their parents' myths all comes flowing to mind.
ancient_a**holed4 asked, "What normal thing in your childhood did you later realise was extremely weird?"
Many people shared some truly inventive, out of the box thinking. Most were the creative innovations of parents trying to keep everything running smoothly.
Tire Them Out Before Bed
"My mom taught me and my sister to howl at the moon. It would get our dog all worked up, and he'd howl too."
"It would make my grandma so mad, but my mom found it hilarious."
"My parents didn't want to shout our names for dinner or to come downstairs so my Dad installed a literal doorbell in our bedrooms."
"So if we were needed in the kitchen we were summoned by the 'child bell'. - we lived in a 2 bed semi."
A Very Fun Way to Enjoy Burgers
"Burger Roulette: every time there was a barbecue or we made burgers one of the burgers would be stuffed with hot sauce and peppers. So hilarious and definitely made dinners more exciting, but not a normal thing lol"
A Myth They Made On Their Own
"I think I only thought about this once, then completely forgot about it. When I was a kid (6-7?) I used to think 'brown people pooped brown poop, and white people pooped white poop.' "
"It never occurred to me that I had never seen a white sh** any time I went to the toilet, and so when I saw that someone had unfortunately forgot to flush the toilet (at school) and I saw the 'remnants,' I was immediately intrigued, since I was the only brown kid at that school, and I thought there was another brown person at my school, and I just hadn't seen them."
Other people came to understand that their parents' strange, often dishonest behavior or commentary actually had a very admirable motivation underneath it.
These were good stories that shed light on the honor of moms and dads.
"My mom used to have me practice screaming for help at the top of my lungs before going to friends houses ಠ_ಠ" -- lazydaisy2pointoh
"You know whilst this is weird it's also a good thing to teach kids to use their voice . They're told to shut up or be quiet so often that when they need to use their voice it's not natural to them" -- Ieatclowns
"Whenever I wouldn't wanna get shots my mom would say 'te lo van a poner en tu cosita si no lo dejas' which means 'they're gonna put the shot on yo di** if you don't comply' and the doc who didn't know Spanish was like 'yeah en tu cosita.'
A Boarding House
"Random kids living at our house."
"I had 9 siblings and my parents always had one or two other kids that had been kicked out of their homes living with us. Usually friends of my older brothers and sisters, it wasn't until my twenties that I discovered that most had been disowned by their parents for being gay."
"Also had no clue that this wasn't normal for the 60's."
Best Guy to Have Around
"It's a little thing, but it was very surprising to me - that it was my dad and not my mom who stayed home with me when I was sick."
"Also, my friends all had stories of their parents trying to get them to go to school even when they were sick. My parents never did that, and even let me stay home a few times even when they knew I was faking it."
"I know it's hard for a lot of working parents to stay home with a sick kid, but all my friends at the time were pretty much from the same middle-class background as I was, and my father was a hospital physician and the head of his division at the hospital and also saw a lot of patients, so it was not easy for him to miss work. I guess he handled a lot of stuff by phone (this was before the internet)."
"It's a little thing, but it really made me feel so cared for and I still associate staying home sick with getting taken care of by my dad who had an excellent bedside manner."
Finally, others discovered the flaws of their parents. These misunderstandings weren't the results of purposeful fibs on the part of parents.
Rather, the kids at the time couldn't conceive of a world in which their parents could screw up.
"Getting honked at, flipped off, and yelled at while driving. I just thought driving was this extremely aggressive and negative experience that made everyone angry."
"Turns out my dad was a serial tailgater who used to ride right up on people in front of us, regardless of the speed we were traveling. Highways, subdivisions, country roads, didn't matter."
"It wasn't until I began to learn to drive myself that it all made sense."
"My mom's cooking. She boiled noodles until they were mush. Her potato soup was boiled onions and potatoes drained then added to warm milk with salt and pepper. Baked beans were beans, ketchup, and pancake syrup."
"The most common meal in our house started as spaghetti, then became chili, and then chili mac."
"Vegetable soup was all the vegetables dumped straight from a can with no seasoning and the meat would be hamburger, canned roast beef, or canned corned beef with potatoes."
"A lot of the other stuff she cooked was pretty good, but that was only if she followed a recipe. If she winged it things got strange. My favorite will always be the grape soda bbq because she didn't have Dr Pepper."
Here's hoping you aren't still under the spell of any lies or half-truths that proliferated when you were a kid. But there's no harming in acknowledging just how long you lived according to them.
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Remember Theranos? It was a breakthrough technology company that claimed to have devised blood tests that required very tiny amounts of blood. The hype was real: In 2015, Theranos received a $9 billion valuation and its CEO, Elizabeth Holmes, seemed prime to become a household name. Shortly afterward, she was exposed as a fraud; her trial (on charges of wire fraud and conspiracy to commit wire fraud) has been postponed several times as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic.
After Redditor LineofDeath asked the online community, "What was supposed to be the next big thing but totally flopped?" people reminded us how you should never fall for the hype.
"Now they are chiefly remembered..."
Quadraphonic entertainment systems in the early 1970s. They were supposed to replace stereophonic systems. Now they are chiefly remembered for inspiring the name of The Who's second rock opera.
Google+ was supposed to be the answer to Facebook.
Remember those days? That didn't end well for them, didn't it? The hype was real and it died as quickly as it began.
"I saw ads for it..."
That streaming service that lasted like two months. 'Qubi' or 'Qupi' I think?
Even bad timing aside (a mobile-based streaming service at a time when no one could really leave their house) the marketing was just horrible. I saw ads for it for nearly a week before I realized it was a new video streaming service, and by that point was so annoyed by the ads untrusting everything I didn't care at all, just out of spite. Also, I mean it was just YouTube you have to pay for and got worse content.
Not sure if this one has totally flopped yet, but I noticed while in Costco the other day that there are no longer any curved TVs. If Costco is no longer carrying them then I think we can assume they're going the way of the dodo.
"I thought it was a good idea..."
Google Wave. It was supposed to replace email with a more collaborative approach. Essentially it was like a dynamically-created discussion board you'd share with select people and you could have a more readable discussion than one with a bunch of forwards and CCs and the like.
I thought it was a good idea, but it flopped big time and Google got rid of it after a few years.
"They pushed really hard for those..."
Amazon's shopping buttons. They pushed really hard for those and I never saw the point.
They try a lot of things.
Not all of them are winners.
"It was supposed to..."
The Divergent series. It was supposed to kinda have a Hunger Games concept and all and try to be a replacement. The last two movies ended up being so unwatchable.
These were terrible.
When the actors gave up on them, you knew it was over.
"Now they're just used to..."
Segways were supposed to revolutionize travel and replace the automobile. Now they're just used for guided tours for dorks in tourist traps.
"These were the next, awesome way..."
Airship travel. These were the next, awesome way to travel long distances; in fact, the spire on top of the Empire State Building was meant as an anchoring point for airships.
The Hindenburg kind of put a damper on it, though.
"I had a friend in high school..."
I had a friend in high school who was preparing to go to film school. She swore up and down that 3DTV was the way of the future and one day all movies and tv shows would be in 3D.
The hype machine is a real thing...
...and you can't believe it all the time. Sucks to be the inventor... or the investor. (Looking at you, Quibi.)
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us all about them in the comments below!
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