Funniest Craigslist Ad Ever. This Bike Will Definitely Help You Pick Up Chicks.

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When you head on over to Craigslist for a quick shop, you have to expect a certain amount of hilarity. It wouldn't be Craigslist without an ad for someone's used underwear. But this post? This takes the cake.


Why am I selling?

I purchased this bike for one reason and one reason only -- to attract the ladies. Ladies are attracted to POWER. It's a fact. It's science.

There is so much power in this bike that the vibration at idle is enough to send tingles through the thighs of females miles away. Some have even said the BM stands for Bad Motherf*er and not Big Mike.

When I simply roll it out of the garage all my neighbors grab their kids and run for shelter. I assume they get into that duck and tuck position (you know the one that mainlanders learn during tornado drills in grade school) just to avoid the inevitable flying debris and broken glass. There is no stealth mode with this bike. (If you are trying to be ninja then

this is not the bike for you). It is hard to describe the sound it makes but is very similar to the sound of 50 Pit bulls and 50 fighting cocks all in the ring at the same time while Morgan Freeman is announcing -- terrifying... yet oddly satisfying.

I can't wave to my fellow bikers on the road because I am afraid to take a hand off the handlebar -- everyone thinks I am a dick. I don't use my turn signals because I am afraid just that little thumb movement is enough to cause things to go awry. Just tightening your grip on the throttle is enough to send the bike three blocks down the street. . . without you.

Don't even think about trying to get on this bike after


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drinking a few. There is no picking this bike up after it goes down -- like Thor's hammer, it is going to stay put. I am not sure the front wheel ever actually touches the ground when we travel. Thankfully, there is a beefy front end and extended forks that help keep the front end low enough to at least see the road in front.

I never used to wear a helmet when biking; however, when I am on this bike I am wearing leather from head to toe, boots, gloves, athletic cup, etc. I would wear two helmets if I could.

I thought if I could find a big woman to haul around then it might bog this thing down to a more manageable horsepower. So I got a 6'2" female to ride around with me. When she wasn't getting thrown off the back during the quick starts (all throttle -- all the time) then she was blowing off the back because her

head stuck up so much farther than mine. The transmission has 6 gears but I am not sure we have ever made it out of 4th gear. Every gear change causes whip-lash. I have put all my chiropractor's children through college.

Big Mike designed a beautiful, sexy and elegant machine, but for some reason dropped in 100 times more horsepower than needed and sold it to average me. It is like putting twin 80 horse outboards on your one-man canoe. I half expect this bike at some point to suddenly just


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transform into some Optimus Prime-like transformer and tell me it is time to save mankind (or at least Megan Fox).

The bottom line = I realized I just don't have the testosterone to handle this bike in the way she needs. I am a wussy. Plus, I have found the woman I am going to marry (thanks to this bad ass bike) and I have since scaled back and purchased a much more manageable Harley. Now I just need to

find a way to pay for the wedding (seriously). Come take a look at the bike -- but make sure your insurance is up-to-date (I don't mean motorcycle insurance -- I am talking life insurance).

Because I have a fear of getting taken advantage of and scammed, I will only sell to LOCAL buyer with $7000 cash firm. You will need to have valid m/c license and the cash before any test rides.


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