When you think about it, we learn a lot of social behaviors simply from watching other people or filling in the blanks. Rarely do adults or teachers sit us down and explain to us how to adjust a wedgie or how to vacuum; they're too busy teaching us the Latin names of clouds and asking us to memorize all the Presidents. Sigh.
People on Reddit were asked: "What's one thing you secretly hope you do the same as everyone else, but would never ask?" These are some of the best answers.
My neighbor grows vegetables and herbs. I haven't much of a patio, only concrete and the like, so I can't grow without using pots. Every evening when the lights go out in their home, I crawl into their garden and rub my cheeks against the largest squash. I thought it was weird for the longest time, now I don't.
I'm constantly worrying that other people are judging me based on totally innocuous things.
People in restaurants are looking down on me for eating alone. Runners are looking down on me for walking. The people behind me in line hate me for taking to long to put away my change. My waiter is judging me for having a complicated order.
The list goes on and on.
Sneeze like normal people. I swear when I do it's like thunder bursted.
Sometimes I wonder if other people feel as empty inside as I do. There isn't that much in here if you think about it. Not in a depressing way, but just an observation.
Shaving my facial hair.
I pretty much taught myself and tried to model what they do on razor commercials. I rarely cut myself, so I assume I'm doing something right...
How do other ladies shave their knees? I think I missed that lesson in Welcome to Womanhood 102...
I find myself wondering upon occasion if I don't feel it the way other people do.
I don't wash my back in the shower because it's too hard to reach. Does anyone actually wash theirs?
Talk to myself, usually to reassure myself when something bad happens. Like I'll say Oh, that just happened... oh... calm down, it's okay, don't worry... you're fine!" For some reason it just makes everything so much better.
I hope my chew noise is normal. Too slurpy? Too smacky? Who knows?
Thinking. How do people think thoughts? Do they see their thoughts in the form of pictures or words or what?
Picking my nose... I don't do it at all, but maybe those of you that do can explain if it is normal to do it every few hours, and if it feels real awesome to find and pull out a big one. For science, because I'd never do that, no way.
When people say "Say hi to so and so for me." I never do it.
Eye contact. Do I make too much or too little? If one of my classmates/ friends comes by to talk to me while I work is it okay to just chat without eye contact or very little? Also, what if I'm cross-eyed or have a lazy eye and no one wants to tell me?
Using tampons. No one ever showed me how to do it, and I'm too embarrassed to ask. They are painful when I insert them and I feel very uncomfortable for most of the day. I tried using lube, but my hand just slipped off and I smacked myself square in the nuts.
Wiping after I poo. I get its not complicated...but no one ever really explained...
I always wonder if my face/body comes off as masculine or ungraceful. When I look at other women I admire their feminine features and feel like I'm a lump of uncultured weirdness in comparison. Clumsy, all shoulders, heavy brow, like a cavewoman. But then, they are my friends, and enjoy spending time with my in public, so I can't be that out of the loop, right?
When meeting anyone 1-on-1 for the first time, I run a marathon race in my head of things to say to keep the conversation flowing. At the same time, I secretly wish someone else would show up to share the burden.
Kissing. Having only made out one person, I can't help but wonder if everything I'm doing is wrong...
Colours. I don't know if I see colours the same way other people do. What if what is red to other people is actually blue to me, and they just call red "blue" and I call blue "red"? I will never know.
Walk. Walking past people becomes a nightmare when I start to think about it.
Are my arms too flaily? Am I bouncing too much? No, now I look like I'm trying to hover, I got this, I got this. Oh god what do I do with my hands.
Constantly having a song stuck in my head. It's hard to tell because it's sub-conscious, but I think there is a concert in my head 24/7. Sometimes the song dictates my mood. No idea if other people experience this.
Just simply talking. Do other people think my voice sounds stupid? Too high-pitched? Voice cracks? Awkwardly deep voice? It's especially worse when I listen to myself on video. It's a cringe-fest. I'm usually fine/don't notice but someone points something out or I notice something and suddenly it's the only thing I can think of and I don't want to converse with anyone anymore.
Do other people imagine like totally awesome scenarios in their head when their walking in public?
Like what if a massive spy hunt just happened in front of me or something like that?
For females with medium to long hair: Do you pull strands of hair out of your butthole sometimes? Mostly in the shower. It's such a strange sensation, but I kind of like it. I think it only happens to me because I've never seen anyone talk about it.