Bartenders of Reddit were asked: "What's your best 'I'm cutting you off' story?" These are some of the best answers.
1/22 He kept asking me for "a slice of beer".
2/22 This group of guys came in and sat at the bar during a pretty busy Saturday night. I only served them about two beers each but it became pretty apparent after the second beer that they'd been drinking a fair bit before they got there. Just as I'm about to say something one of the guys gets up from the bar and starts darting to the back for the bathrooms, only to end up vomiting literally the entire way back. He ends up puking on some poor girls head who was sitting at a table, literally drenching her in vomit. I could not believe the amount of sick that came out of this guy. A few other people got some puke on them as well but it wasn't anywhere close to as much as that one girl. Chaos ensued as everyone around were nearly sick themselves and demanding refunds on their tabs, good times.
3/22 I used to bartend in the Center City section of Philadelphia. There was this regular hipster customer who wasn't a bad guy overall, but really creeped on women hardcore occasionally. Honestly, I felt bad for the guy, as one week I overheard a female friend of his tell him that she and many other girls think he's creepy as sh*t. At the time, I didn't know how bad he was, so I sort of felt for the guy.
Fast forward a few months- it's a typical Saturday night and Hipster Creep is in the house getting piss drunk. Trouble is, he met a female friend of his who was also a semi-regular and was up to creeping. Well, she complains and after a warning or two, I tell him it's time to hit the road.
As I'm walking him out, he is pleading to say and I just keep telling him no. Then, I swear to god, he turned to me and said, "Can I stay if I amaze you?" So he breaks into this magic trick that has him vomiting up cards while I continued to gently, yet firmly push his skinny hipster a** out the door.
4/22 I used to bartend at a bar in downtown Boston. This bar was owned by older members of my college fraternity. Thus, if you wore your letters in, you'd certainly get some free drinks. You'd also almost never get cut off except if you were completely f*cking blotto.
Back during the ALCS playoffs in '04, it's Sox-Yankees, huge f*cking rivalry. If you know anything about the Yankees and live in Boston, you know they suck. The bar's packed with mostly Sox fans and a few Yankees fans. David Ortiz hit a walk off shot....my friend Brian, who was drinking there, as I was tending, flips out. He's sh*tfaced, is screaming so loud that he throws up all over himself, so he decides to just take off all of his clothes, and then he grabs a guy's Yankees hat off his head, puts it on the ground, pops a squat, and sh*ts in it, fully nude, in a crowded bar. He then picked it up and threw it at the guy.
I love the kid. He was hilarious. But he had to go that night.
5/22 Middle of the afternoon and this dude comes in and he looked broken. He ordered a Long Island and obviously needed it. A few Long Islands in we get talking and I find out the dude's dad passed away that morning and he couldn't afford the flight back for the funeral. I buy him his next drink and as he finishes it he just looked up at me with that drunken look and I knew he was done. I said, "Time for a cab ride home, huh?" He just nodded. I called a cab, walked him out, and gave the cabbie $40 to get the guy home safe.
6/22 Bar in a college town, fairly crowded but not a rough place. Guy walked in about 30 minutes before closing obviously f*cked up, bought a beer and sat down. A few minutes later I walk back by and dude has a straw up his nose doing lines off the bar. I immediately yell something along the lines of "Why the f*ck are you doing coke on my bar?" to which he responded by looking up and saying "It isn't coke I promise it's xanax."
7/22 The guy who, after a 5 minute conversation, still couldn't understand why the coat room attendant couldn't serve him a bourbon and coke.
8/22 I work in an Irish Bar and on St. Patrick's day this past year our owner tells us before the madness starts that it's ok by him to have some drinks today to celebrate, be merry, and deal with the drunks and madness better. I don't think he was thinking straight, but it was a nice gesture...he probably should have set a limit...a low limit.
Anyways one of the bartenders is taking shots with customers while making herself and other customers drinks and gets pretty darn drunk by 3pm. The rest of the staff tries to cut her off. She continues to take shots with customers and shortly there after is to a point where she can barely serve customers anymore. The place is completely packed and people are asking her for drinks, and she's just making them whatever the f*ck she wants (mostly beers simple well cocktails). Some customers start yelling at her that she's not going to pay for a drink that she didn't order and the bartender flipped out and started screaming at her and eventually throws a drink in the customers face. Right after this she starts a fist fight with the other bartender who is trying to smooth things over with the wronged customer, and then threatens to stab our server with the drink-order-receipt-spike.
The only person our bouncer kicked out that day was our bartender. And she didn't even lose her job because the owner (is dumb) felt it was his fault he allowed her to drink.
9/22 I tended bar one summer right after I turned 18 (legal to serve, not legal to drink in MI). It was a small town bar, so it was never busy. We had a regular, Jerry, that came in daily. Generally he'd ride his bike or have his son drive. I was fairly new to the game, but one day he just kept having his drink, a rum and coke, over and over again. I think he had about 6 or 8 and was slurring his words, so I felt guilty and tried to cut him off. He started making a fuss and my manager just said to let it go and continue serving him.
He then told me a story - he was recently diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. He was at the doctors and they ran tests to see how long he had to live. With a medication, he had 6 months. Without, he had 3. He was at a point in his life where he just didn't care and wanted to enjoy his drinks in peace with the friends he had made behind the bar. I assumed aside from his son, he had no one else in his life. I left shortly after to go to college and came back the next summer. I remembered Jerry and asked how he was doing. I found out that 4 months after I left, he had passed away.
10/22 10am on a Thursday: myself, the manager and a very normal looking, middle-aged, middle-class woman are the only people in the bar. She is having a couple pints of beer and playing slot machines. She has made 4-5 trips to the bar, buying a beer and withdrawing large amounts of money each time. We decide she has had enough and cut her off, refusing to give her any more beer or money.
Result: a pint glass whipped at my head and a tirade about how I am stealing her money by not allowing her to win it back. We manage to kick her out and watch as she accosts every person walking down the street and regales them with unsolicited tales of our crooked thievery.
11/22 I had a woman come in to my bar already completely hammered. She went through a cigarette before she approached me, and was lighting up a 2nd. She wanted to order a glass of white wine.
That's when I noticed she was about 8 months pregnant.
12/22 This guy came up to me and all he said was "beer" and so I asked him what kind he would like. He follows up with "PBR" so I give it to him. About 20 minutes later he comes up to me again, and once again just says "beer!" I'm questioning his state of mind at the moment but decide I'll give him one more. Again I ask him what kind, and this time he yells "BEER!" And throws a Starbucks gift card at me in an attempt to pay for the beer. At that point I was like ehh you're done, sorry guy. He yelled beer at me like three more times before the bouncers had to make him leave. Poor guy, just really wanted some beer.
13/22 I had a regular in one night. 30 year old guy, only drank beer. Around midnight he switched to whiskey and got crazy creepy. He kept asking girls if they liked to f*ck. I told him that he's had enough and should probably go home( i believe he lives two or three blocks away). He agreed and headed for the door, until a drunk chick saw him, grabbed him, and started making out with him. They leave, and 30 minutes later they both come back. She goes to the bathroom, and he tells me they just had sex.
I thanked him for bring her back, but tell him I'm still not serving him. Around this time the girls sister walks in looking for her sister, and wanting a drink. Clearly over-served I tell her that she's in the bathroom, but I can't give her a drink, if she can't pronounce her drink. I saw her go to the bathroom, but never saw her again.
After I closed for the night and was leaving I saw her in her car, having sex with the guy who just slept with her sister.
14/22 A man tried to pay me with his phone once, I thought that was weird until I realized it was a particularly feminine phone he had obviously just found/stolen with about 10 messages on the screen saying GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE YOU C***!
15/22 A woman came into my bar and held it together well enough to order her drink (liquor and coke, could have been rum, could have been whiskey), but as soon as she took a sip we realized we had made a huge mistake. She was clearly on drugs, and my guess is prescriptions because she was neither up not down consistently, but completely incoherent. It was late on a random Sunday night, there were a few regulars and that was about it so myself and the wait staff just stayed right close to her and kept watch. She had paid for her drink already and we knew she was on foot so we decided to let her finish her drink before we cut her off.
After a few sips she got real ornery and called me over angrily demanding that I serve her a drink. Confused since she had 3/4 of a cocktail in front of her I picked her drink up, spun around, and put it back down in front of her. "Thank you" she said with a bite to her tone and took a sip. Not a f*cking minute later do I hear her b*tching again that we won't serve her. Same deal, nearly full drink right before her eyes so I do another pirouette with her cocktail in hand and drop it back in front of her. I must have done this a dozen times times and she never once realized it was the same drink. My only regret is not charging her each time I did it. Eventually I picked her drink up, walked it to the sink and dumped it out.
I told her she was cut off and had to leave and asked the door guy to walk her out which enraged her. For the next few minutes she melted down and accused the door guy of being a racist for kicking a woman of color out of the bar. Now I'll admit, we only had one black employee at the time, it was a real Caucasian fest, but the only black employee that we had...was said door guy. He was in f*cking tears laughing as he tried to explain that he was black to her, but it never sank in. She threatened to sue us on her way out the door as the rest of the customers applauded. 'Twas a fine evening.
16/22 He threw up on the bar, then ordered 4 tequila shots for him and his mates. Obvious answer of "No way in hell are you drinking more, have some water instead." He was extremely displeased with this answer so he swiped someone else's half-drunk schooner of beer off the bar, launched himself up over the bar, and proceeded to crack me over the head with it.
Luckily for me, it was plastic. But it was fun seeing the WHOLE bar just entirely stop f*cking around and stare at the guy who thought it was entirely appropriate to throw up on a bar and then HIT THE 5 FOOT GIRL BEHIND THE BAR on the head. I quit that night and got nicely drunk myself.
17/22 I work in a upscale place. A group of 10 came in and were all family, ranging from grandparents to college kids. They started with apps and wine, so I figured they'd be fine. After 2 rounds they started getting loud and clumsy, like falling down and singing. Then they asked me for YOLO shots. I lost all respect at that point. Realized they couldn't hold their sh*t together and gave them last call an hour before close. Got a standing ovation from all the other patrons when they left. Best part was, that none of them noticed we were still serving everyone else.
18/22 This one night, slow enough for me to send home all but one waitress two guys come in. I can tell they had both been drinking but they didn't seem like they were too drunk. One of the guys asks for a beer and I ask the other what he would like to drink. He yells at me "WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK I WANT MOTHERUCKER? GIMME A GODDAMN BEER!" I turn to his more sober friend and tell him that he is the only one getting a drink from me because I don't have to put up with a**holes. His drunk friend goes ape-sh*t and starts yelling at me about how he's going to kick my a**, even tries to swing at me from the other side of the bar.
At that point I decide that I'm not going to serve either one and ask them to leave. The angry one gets even more upset almost as if he was surprised he was being asked to leave. He then starts threatening to shoot me yelling "IMMA GO OUT TO MY TRUCK, GET MY GUN AND TAKE CARE-A YOU MOTHERF*CKER!" I pulled out my phone and pretended I was calling the cops and told him that police were on their way. Saw them cross the street and try to go to another bar only to be refused service there as well.
19/22 I was a supervisor in a restaurant when my cousin was a cook. I was serving these 2 out-of-towners and one of them was getting loser drunk. He was a light weight (smaller guy). I eventually cut him off and told them to head out. He started giving me lip so I went and grabbed my cousin to deal with him. (My cousin is known in town for head butting.)
So this guy was half the size of my cousin and still continued to be lippy. Words were exchanged, his buddy got him to smarten up a bit and the guy said he would only leave if my cousin head butted him......cousin took him outside. I watched him grab the guy by the collar, head butt him and he dropped like a bag of sand. My cousin walked back in and I saw his buddy light a smoke and wait for him to wake up.
Needless to say, my cousin was my entertainment in that small sh*t town!
20/22 I was working at the pub one night (my company owns a sports lounge and an Irish pub) and this one particular guy was celebrating his thirtieth birthday. It was one of those nights where everyone was celebrating something and we couldn't really keep up with who was drinking what and the whole place was standing room only: I had three pukers, two passed out at the table and one smoking a cigar by the fire (which is a no no in America). Cigar guy was also thirtieth birthday guy who had been chugging Irish car bombs all night and taking shots of fireball on top of his beer.
He invited me to his room in front of his wife the first time I kicked him out with the cigar, told me I was a bad a** the second, and as I kicked him out the third time, I cut him and his entire party off. It was the most satisfying feeling in the world watching them leave and give me dirty faces. After a night like that, you just don't want to deal with anymore vomit or horny, drunk men. Especially if you're under five foot three. No siree.
21/22 Working as a bar back at this dive with a big ole trough for a urinal. Go to the bath room and see this guy sitting in it. He sees me and asks where the hell his order is at.
22/22 I was a barback in Boston a few years back and noticed a guy walking through the swinging doors to the kitchen. I figured he was hammered and looking for the bathroom, so I followed him. There were two bars at this place and the kitchen served both of them, so he had found his way out the other side by the time I got there.
I walk into the kitchen (which at 1 am, had been closed some time), and couldn't help but laugh at what I saw. The salad bar had been RAVAGED. The guy had ripped open the saran wrap on our Cobb salad station and there was bacon and eggs everywhere.
I rush out the other entrance to see the guy shuffling back to his seat and notice a wet spot on his a**. At first I thought he messed himself, but as I got closer I noticed something sticking out of his pocket. The guy had grabbed a wad of bacon and shoved it in his back pocket, and the wet spot was just a giant grease stain. Obviously the damage actually done here was minimal, so I was in a great mood this whole time.
I follow him back to his seat, tap him on the shoulder and tell him he has to leave. He didn't know I followed him so he was completely surprised. I told him I saw him stealing food from the kitchen, a charge that he promptly denied. So I immediately reached around and grabbed the two strips of bacon that were sticking out of his back pocket and asked him where it had come from. His response: (Drunken Irish Accent) "Funny story about the bacon..."