Adults Admit Hilarious White Lies They Have Actually Told Children

Sometimes it's all fun and games... until a child grows up to be a very confused adult.

1. Do they do refunds?

"My father used to tell my sister that he bought her at a Walmart like store for $25."
- blaziken

2. The moon is my biggest client

"My brother convinced a group of like 9 year olds that he was the moon's lawyer once."
- MeltyMint

3. This lie was taken way too far

"My daughter, when she was six, I convinced her that swallowing a mentos would grow a mentos tree in your stomach... One day I accidentally swallowed one in the car, had a discussion with my wife about "oh, I'm sure I'll be fine, etc etc" then let it sit a few days.

Used her bathroom a few days later. After I flushed, I threw a couple dead leaves on the toilet...

Waited a couple more days...

Woke her up for school with a twig placed behind my ear...

Waited a couple more days...

Woke her up with a branch sticking out of my mouth and me "screaming" for her to remove it... She looks at me, screams "MOOOOOOMMMMMM!!! DADDY NEEDS A DOCTOR! A DOCTOR MOM!!!!" and runs out of the room...

Best part is she was nine before she finally realized it was all a joke. Her friends all believed I had a tree in my stomach... I found out she took the twig from behind my ear to show and tell that week and the teacher didn't have the heart to tell her it was a joke. She just believed it so much. She's fifteen now and loves this story... Good times."
- comp21

4. I hate to break it to you, but you weren't always human...

"I convinced my sister that she was originally an origami dolphin, and my mom wished really hard she turned into a little girl (a Pinocchio-esque situation). She cried and asked my mom, who went along with my story. Sis believed for years that she used to be an origami dolphin."
- HellaDawg

5. Yum! Delicious lies

"We convinced my younger brother that those giant bales of hay wrapped in white plastic were marshmallows on the marshmallow farm.

Which he believed until he was about 18 or so, when he angrily came home after embarrassing himself in front of his friends and got mad at us for lying to him about the marshmallow farms."

6. Everyone needs to use this one

"That if you sit quietly in the car, it makes the (Continued)

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car go faster so you'll get there quicker. This one worked on me for an embarrassingly long time."

- table_fireplace

7. Stick it like a gymnast

"Not exactly a lie, but I taught my kid to jump up, do jazz hands and yell "Tada!" whenever she fell down as a toddler. She'll come tearing down the sidewalk, trip, skid a few feet, and then pop up, a little shaky, and say "Ta...(deep breath) Daaaaaa..." I feel bad every time I laugh at this."
- paper_liger

8. The splendour of impressionable young minds

"When I used to babysit I would tell the kids that the popcorn wouldn't pop unless they started jumping. They would always say "nuh-uh" but with popcorn it takes a about 30 seconds at least to start popping. I would say, "it sure does, watch" and commence jumping. POP POP POP. They're eyes would get huge. I'd feign getting tired so they would help, and I wound up with a kitchen of 3 and 4-year-olds jumping for a few minutes until movie time. During which they would usually fall asleep, and I would get to work on homework. :)"
- spar3chang3

9. Wow, this is genius

"Sleeping with different blankets give you different dreams. Got nightmares? Change the blanket."
- cptwacky

10. Santa's elves hard at work

"I live in south-central TX and we have a place on the coast, I've made the trip there & back hundreds of times at this point in my life. When we were small kids doing the drive down late one night, my uncle told us that the incredibly large, well-lit and operational refineries and chemical plants we were passing were outsourced factories full of Santa's elves churning out presents shortly before Christmas. 10/10 would fall for this lie again, it added a nice layer of wonder to that part of my life."
- kali_is_my_copilot

11. Uh-oh

"Whenever a kid at work tells me they have a loose tooth, I tell them I have a loose foot, then I wiggle my foot around. I tell them I think my foot's going to fall off soon, but it's ok because it's just my baby foot, and my grown up foot will come in soon. I'll put my foot under my pillow, and the Foot Fairy will bring me a dollar for it.

If they say something like "That's not true! It's just teeth that fall out, not feet!" I'll say "Well, why is my foot so wiggly then?" and wiggle it some more."
- NotMyNameActually

12. Toys R Us: the museum

"My dad had some good ones: Toys R Us is (Continued)

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Toys R Us is a museum, so no, we can't bring anything home. All the animals at the zoo are different kinds of dogs."

- duckspunk

13. You're being watched...

"My teacher girlfriend told her class that the smoke detectors were CCTV cameras. Every time one of them obviously lies, she goes "Well I'll just go check the tapes and see who's right", and they fess up. Works every time."
- Rwandrall

14. God is having a bad day

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
- Spongewordy

15. It's totally true, which is why only I should play this game

"When I was younger and spent my weekends at big arcades, I would often play this one rail shooter game that required you to sit in a chair in a big plastic sphere. I would often tell the kids waiting in line, "If you die in the game, you die in real life". The looks of horror fuelled me for years."
- DemonRemover

16. I'm one of you

"I had my three year old niece convinced I'm six years old, just super tall, for a bit this weekend. That was pretty funny."
- angela_bee

17. Who is going to get the family curse?

"I have large, sharp canine teeth. My nieces have flat canines. I told them this is because I'm a werewolf, and when they turn 10 (twins), I will choose one of them to pass the curse on to. This started when they were around 3 -4, and they are just starting to really question it at 8, but the fact that my mother and sister agree with every aspect of my story is really confusing them. I'm going to start using fake blood and other props to reinforce it."
- Parictis

18. Humans start off as dogs

"Told my sister that humans start lives off as dogs. It was so funny, she waited (Continued)

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patiently for our dog to turn into a human so she wouldn't be the youngest."

- nothingbutsass

19. Oh honey, she's got the salt shaker out again...

"When I was a kid my parents convinced me that if you pour salt on a bird's wings they can't fly. I spent years chasing birds after dinner in the summer (never succeeded). My parents told me it was some of the funniest stuff they've seen in their lives."

20. Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal in the princess world

"My buddy tells his daughter about all the different princess' he used to date, until she figures out which Disney movie he's referring to."
- moosecakems

21. I've got an in with Santa

"I told my young cousin that I had lived next to St. Nicholas before he became Santa Claus and that if I called him up he wouldn't get any presents."


22. I'm still working past this one

"Follow your dreams. He he he."


23. Always. No matter what.

"No matter how fast you run at automatic doors, they'll always open for you."


24. Let me tell you the monster gossip

I was terrified of the dark as a kid.

So when my son was little, and he was scared of the dark, I told him monsters have really bad eyesight and if you sit still in the dark, there is NO way they'd ever find you. In fact, being in bed increases your chances of survival because who eats anything out of a bed? It wouldn't make any sense.

Anyway, they don't attack little kids anymore because (Continued)

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a few years ago, some red-headed 4 year old girl down the street went wild and really messed up some monster with a plastic guitar and now they are kind of nervous around kids. Especially those armed with plastic guitars. Also they have NEVER trusted teddy bears. They think teddy bears still have the vestigial claws of their ancestors, which is kind of a racist thing monsters believe. Good night, and here's your teddy bear and el kabong guitar.

I did all KINDS of stuff like that when he was little.


25. Microwave towers. It doesn't seem too far fetched

"You see those big red and white towers? Those are microwave towers. That's what powers the microwave in the house. Kinda like a radio."

Mixing truth and lies is always the best bet.


26. I lost my butt!

"If you unscrew your bellybutton, your butt will fall off."


27. Your parents definitely don't have that much skill

My younger step-brother was questioning Santa and the Easter Bunny. We were outside building and spray painting something and a loose tooth he had finally fell out of his head. He told me he was going to save it to put under his pillow and all that jazz but he didn't think the tooth fairy was real.

I wasn't about to spoil it for him so I gave him the run-around. Where does the money come from? How can your parents get it under your pillow without waking you up? Why would your parents give you money for losing a tooth but not for when you ask for something you want?

And then he said "Well where does the Tooth Fairy get all the money?" And I said without missing a beat "She sells the teeth to the companies that make spray paint." I shook the can, rattled the bearing and a wave of understanding washed over his face before he ran off to tell him mom he'd finally lost his tooth.


28. I'm calling your real parents up and they're REALLY mean

"If you don't eat your greens, you going back to your real parent!"


29. A lot of these can be used on adults as well.

The world's largest number is 188,343,242,341

The theory of evolution states that your both your parents are frogs

Pluto became a star because (Continued)

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it was too small to be considered a planet.

A lion's roar can be heard from the moon.

Blue became a color in the rainbow in 1999.

Issac Newton invented gravity.

Thomas Edison invented the Earth in the mid 1500s.

Saturn is the only planet whose gravity pushes instead of pulls.

The letter 'Q' appears twice in the alphabet.

The iFell Tower in Paris, France was built by Apple Inc. in the mid 1960s.

Penguins are the only flying reptiles.

Monkeys are their own uncles.

The Leaning Tower of Pizza is not actually made of pizza.

China is on the other side of the world.

7000 children are hospitalized annually by running into walls trying to get to platform 9 and 3/4

Botanists (scientists that study robots) are all born in Spain.

If you wear 3D glasses for too long, everything becomes 3D permanently.

Giraffes are the only dinosaurs that are still alive today.

Circles are the world's biggest shapes.

Genetically, cars are more closely related to boats than they are to trucks.

NFL players account for 12.6% of the world's population.

Laws were legalized in 1823.

"The fox jumps over the dog" is the shortest sentence in the English language to contain every letter of the alphabet.

0 is not a number. Numbers start at 1.

The knight chess piece was invented when scientists noticed that horses can only move in an L direction.

Bicycles have 5 wheels, but 3 of them are cut off at birth.

It takes 4.28 years for the Earth to make a full rotation around the sun.

The ocean is more wet during the night than during the day.

Owls and bats are the only birds that are nocturnal.

Clouds are made of the smoke from cigarettes.

Windows were put on planes so that people wouldn't get cancer from the clouds.

Square bubbles can be blown by blowing square breaths

People are originally born as monkeys and then evolve into humans when they are 3 weeks old.

When a bear and a deer mate, they make a beer, a popular carbonated beverage.


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