You remember it like it was yesterday. That time you met someone who seemed like the most incredible person you have ever laid eyes on..until they, well... opened their mouth. And, just like that, you were utterly disgusted (not by their bad breath, although that would also warrant your disgust) by something they said.
The following Quora users shared their responses to the question, "Have you ever gone from admiration to disgust towards a person in a single conversation?"
For more, check out the original thread at the end of the article.
I recently reconnected with an old friend, and we decided to double, introducing our spouses to one another. His wife seemed nice enough and was cute as a button. They're both EDM fans, and enjoy the related culture….drugs included.
As we're chatting, she says I always know I need to bump my MDMA when I get my FGF back.
Fat Girl Fractals.
What does that mean?
You know...when you've been rolling hard and everyone is beautiful, but suddenly you look at the girl next to you and think, OMG, WTH is she doing wearing that? What a nasty fat ___! So you bump so you can go back to loving people again.
One of my dearest friends in the world is 500 lbs and will not be around much longer. She is in constant, intense pain, and is basically waiting to die.
If my friends wife needs drugs in order to recognize another person as HUMAN just because they struggle with their weight, she's not someone with whom I choose to spend the precious hours of my limited human life.
Worked my charm and cultivated a friendship with this absolutely beautiful girl back when I was in college… long red hair, sharp wit, pretty face, busty, and studying - I kid not - astrophysics. She seemed everything I thought could fit in a complete package, and I was quite eager to get to know her better so I could get on with being properly smitten.
Got the date; she was heading to a Renaissance festival up in Maryland and invited me to come with her as her company for the day. A group of friends were all going so it seemed a great low-risk excuse to spend a whole day together
And you know what? We actually had a good time. She dressed up in this gorgeous flowing burgundy gown with a built-in corset… whew. If I hadnt been infatuated already, Ive snapped to it in a moment seeing her all eighteenth-century sexy. We caught a couple performance shows, broke off from the group and wandered around just the two of us for an hour or so, bought and shared an authentic ale… it was a generally good time. I was enjoying her company more and more.
Then it was time to head back. I jumped on the opportunity to catch a ride in her car (she drove, and I had arrived in the other car) specifically for the chance for a long, leisurely driving conversation. And that was when I learned a valuable lesson about something that seems too good to be true.
First, her driving was terrible. And not just a generic or unspecific kind of wacky person; she drove like a rage monster person. Sharp, jerky movements of the wheel just to change lanes, aggressive muttering, and comments about other drivers ranging from sardonic to plain hateful… I was immediately uncomfortable, but Id spent all day enjoying this beautiful young ladys company and wasnt about to cash in all those chips on the first curveball thrown my way (Im no timid quitter, no sirree not me!) Until that is, she jerked roughly into the left lane to pass a particular driver who she felt (with conviction) was going far too slowly. As she passed she made a point of matching speed long enough to get a good look at who this offending other woman driver had been, making the whole should-have-been-forgettable moment quite personal in a manner I found to be just plain unnecessary. And then she uttered seven words that shock-pulled the plug right out of all the attraction Id spent all day reinforcing and developing alongside her:
Should have known it was a [n-word].
I blinked with such unusual force that Im almost sure it made an audible sound.
In that moment, like sudden rays of sunlight burning through thick fog, the mystery of how this insanely physically attractive, high-IQ, STEM-field studying geeky-interest girl remained inexplicably single enough for me to have actually gotten a date-like opportunity with her was laid bare.
There's this person I got to know only a few weeks ago from a friend. After his service in the Isreal Defense Forces while(or I believe you call it the protective edge conflict), this guy, let's call him T, decided to move to Chicago and start a new life. And just like that, in few months, he was in Chicago, getting a decent salary regarding the profession (he's a locksmith), volunteering in an orphanage home on his days off, and getting a green card. While I'm not fond of the profession he chose, I do have lots of respect for his bold actions.
So, a couple of days ago we were talking on the phone and while he put me on hold for 5 minutes, I was watching a video of a couple celebrating their 10 year anniversary. The wife in the video has multiple sclerosis and according to what I understood, she got it only recently or at least not when they got married. The husband arranged a choir of more than 20 people to Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars to her.
I broke out in tears watching her husbands love and loyalty to her while shes sobbing heavily at his beautiful gesture. At that exact moment, T had left the other convo only to come back and hear me crying on the phone. Confused, he asked what happened. I told him and got him to watch the video.
Man, if my wife was crying in public like that I'd flip on her.
That was his response.
Shocked and disgusted, I just hung up on him, didn't answer any of his calls, texts etc. since.
I do get that it might have been an attempt to make me laugh… But that's straight up the most ignorant thing one can say to a friend in an emotional situation and worse, on her, a total stranger, in such a beautiful moment.
I remember my former office mate at work (who just happens to be a Trump supporter) going off on a long, odd, and increasingly racist rant.
It started off with a normal conversation between him and an (Id guess liberal leaning) coworker in our shared office while I got some work done and occasionally pitched in a comment. They were talking about cars.
At some point, the conversation turned to talking about their children. Some time along this train of talk, he started talking about his daughter, working as a teacher at one of the public high schools nearby.
He kept talking about how he was concerned for her, because of some of the black students. He was somewhat careful with his words, but at some point, he started saying You know, the black kids, theyre big and strong. Not too bright, but very strong. He kept this sort of thing up, how white kids were just smarter but black kids were strong like it was a fair and obvious trade or something.
At this point, I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. Id tried to suggest that couldnt be true, but eventually, I stopped pitching in as he picked up steam.
Anyways… whatever this spiel was culminated with him calling these black kids, you know, theyre like big scary monsters.
I dont really remember how it ended. But I could never look at him the same after that. It was so disgusting. But there probably wasnt anything I could do to change his opinion. He's just that old racist white guy that everyone hears about.
I thought of telling someone, but I was very new and he wasnt far out from retirement and it might be hard to present a case that could actually make anything happen.
As it turned out, a few months later he was laid off. I dont know if the two were connected, but it was a relief.
A few years ago I had been dating this guy for about a month. Things were going pretty well. We had met at the beach and there was great chemistry, etc. At the same time, there was an incident in Canada where a guy on a bus went berserk and started stabbing the passenger sitting next to him. Obviously, there are upsetting things in the news every day, but this incident really resonated with me. Not only had no one helped the victim, but he was not dead when the other passengers escaped the bus and barricaded the assailant in the bus with the victim. It was like a modern day Kitty Genovese, only worse.
Anyway, I was on a date with this guy (who I was pretty excited about) and telling him about the story, and how disturbed I was, and how if there had been just one person on that bus who was in the military or a cop, things could have gone differently and the victim might still be alive. The guy said Forget that! I would have been off that bus so fast! I was appalled all over again. I even tried pressing him on the issue to see if he was just being glib but he maintained that position. I tried to get him to have any sort of thoughtfulness about this situation whatsoever, but there was none of that. He was incapable of considering anything other than himself.
If I am shallow because this is unattractive to me, thats fine. I mean, lets be real here: this guy was not being judged on his self-preservation instincts in a life or death situation. We were discussing this scenario while safely eating sushi in Brooklyn. There was plenty of time and mental space to have some empathy as well. I wish that circumstances could have been different in any way that could have spared an innocent person being brutally murdered. I ended the date early and wasn't sure if I ever wanted to see him again.
It was very jarring to me, while focused on that aspect of the situation, for the other person in the conversation to completely blow past the possibility of any sympathy to the victim whatsoever and focus only on the idea of their own self-preservation. Basically, I was focused on and discussing the idea of Can you imagine how awful that must have been for him? and all the other person could say was Forget everyone else but me.
The next day I was chatting with a friend in the navy and having a similar conversation. His reaction was Yeah it's really too bad. I mean, the guy was dangerous but it's highly unlikely that even if he was a martial arts expert several men couldn't take him down somehow.
The contrast was overwhelming. I never saw the other guy again. Sometimes a person can make an offhand comment that unintentionally reveals a lot about themselves. In the words of Maya Angelou, "When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
I read an updated article afterward that stated the victim remained alive for hours on the bus calling for help while his assailant continued to stab and cannibalize him. The ordeal lasted for several hours because that is how long it took for emergency personnel to reach the bus. During that time the assailant attempted many times to exit the bus but the other passengers barricaded him in with the victim whom he continued to stab and cut pieces of flesh from, and cannibalize until he died.
I have traveled in some dangerous parts of the world, and have lived in New York City for a long time, and although I have never served in the military or the police, I have been faced with my own share of potentially harmful situations. I've managed to prioritize my self-preservation while also having regard for the welfare of other human beings. I've helped people who were being attacked on the subway or the street, and I have broken up a LOT of dog fights in Central Park. Im also originally from a much more rural area in Louisiana, where people help their neighbors. Im not a martyr and I wouldnt sacrifice myself, but I believe that self-preservation and being a good neighbor/fellow citizen of the world do not have to be mutually exclusive.
I'm on the bus and I strike up a conversation with a calm and polite man. I'm basing this off of his interaction with another passenger that was being very rude to him. I tell him that he handled the situation very well and that the rude passenger definitely had a substance abuse issue. He responded that the best we can do is help people and pray for them.
Then, he proceeded to give me his life story. He talked about his degree, his Cuban father, and Jamaican mother, how he was born in Boston and that he spoke English and Spanish. So far, everything was cool.
Then, somehow he started to talk about white people being abolitionists and how not all white people were bad. Suddenly, I'm asked if I know Nat Turner. I say of course. He then begins to talk about why the USA should have another slavery. This time white Americans should be subjected to all of the horrors of slavery. They should be raped, beaten, bred, bodily harmed and have various parts of their body amputated for no reason.
He wasn't finished. He began to talk about why most Black nationalist and socialist organizations mostly extinct, but white hate organizations like the KKK and Skin Heads still thriving. According to him, the people that belong to white hate groups also work for the government.
I never thought that I would be subjected to this hateful, disgusting and ignorant conversation on a public bus with other passengers. I wondered where the nice man went. Before he got off of the bus, he looked me in my eyes and said that white people are the enemy and should never be trusted. I was beyond pleased for him to leave. I will never start another random conversation. From now on, I'm wearing my headphones.
Im engaged to a beautiful girl from southern Arizona. Half of her family still lives in Mexico and we go down regularly to visit. Her uncle is a motorcycle club and invited us to their 25th-anniversary party. While her uncle is one of the nicest people youd ever meet— I was a little nervous to go to a massive biker party in Mexico. My Spanish isnt the best, I dont ride and if Sons of Anarchy has taught me anything its that bikers may not be on the up-and-up legally speaking.
My fiance convinced me so we headed down to San Luis. Clubs from all over Mexico showed up to help them celebrate. Now, I stick out like a sore thumb. Im a red head with pasty white skin and freckles in a sea of tattooed Mexican bikers and their families. Nervous at first, quickly my preconceptions vanish. Everyone was very nice and made sure I was enjoying myself. It was really awesome that, even a lot of the guys who only spoke a little English did their best to communicate with me and welcome me (always with a beer).
Finally, a lone white biker showed up a few hours into the party. When we saw each other we were like cool! Another white guy is here that I can talk to, crazy! So, we started speaking English with my fiance, her uncle and a few other members of his club. What started out as finding another person that looked like me quickly changed to me wanting to distance myself from anything he said and even made me really embarrassed and ashamed. He immediately went into a diatribe about Muslims and how the Christians need to wipe them from the planet; how many different guns he owned and how he was going to blow people away…I could tell the rest of the group was uncomfortable with his constant conversations about violence when finally one of the other members said, You know, were family men. Enjoy life, drink more, have fun. Thats what were about. We dont have anything against Muslims or anybody. I dont know why you guys up north always talk about this stuff.
The white guy retorted with, You guys have more violence than we do, I thought we would agree that the Muslims have to go both being Christian countries.
My fiances uncle laughed and said, Our violence is because of poverty in our country and lack of choice. Its out of some peoples desperation. You seem to like it and look for it. Theres a big difference.
I left with a lot to think about besides that Mexican biker parties are full of pretty awesome, nice people. If you get a chance I recommend them. Theyre pretty much just family men looking to have a beer (or 20) with their friends.
Many moons ago, I started chatting to a woman online. She told me she was a semi-professional model and she was hoping to go full-time professional. Looking at her photos, she wasn't my usual type, but she was funny and seemed to be pleasant enough to speak to. So I arranged to meet up with her for a drink.
She turns up at the bar we arrange to meet at, and she's really, really attractive in person. I'm not actually looking for a relationship at this point in my life, just a bit of fun, so all I really want is that spark with enough zest to the personality, you know? So we have a couple of drinks and she's talking about her modeling, which I'm interested in. Not in an I could be sleeping with a model later way, but because I've never actually had a conversation with someone who models about modeling. I like to know about everything, I believe it expands your mind. If you can teach me something new on an intellectual level, I'm usually impressed by you; I have this deep thirst for knowledge.
Another woman walks past us to go to the bathroom; I pull in my seat to let her get by easier. The woman I am with smirks and says, if she wasn't so large, you wouldn't have had to do that.
Im somewhat taken aback by this, but okay. The woman also wasn't overweight, I had my chair hanging out. I just kind of look at my date as if to say that's not very nice in that polite, I don't really know you well enough yet to quite know what to do here. Then - then - the beat drops.
So I was looking through your friend's list. X and Y, they're your best friends, right? You know you're, like, soooo much better looking than them?
I start laughing, in this kind of …what way. That's kind of subjective, but if that's your opinion, whatever.
Well, I'm a model, so I know attractiveness. I don't get why you're hanging out with ugly folk. I mean X looks like an alien, her head is misshapen.
At this point I'm discreetly looking for cameras, thinking someone is clearly on a wind-up.
I mean look at you, you're gorgeous. You're better than me. You should only be hanging out with attractive people. That's only going to bring you down.
Why are you trash talking my friends? What did they ever do to you? What gives you the right to be nasty about anyone's appearance?
I'm not being nasty, I'm being honest…
I just shook my head, stood up, got my jacket and got up to leave. She came out to the door after me and said: don't be like that, maybe we can go somewhere else and then go have some fun.
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, taking your advice, I'm better looking than you, so I shouldn't waste my time on people that will bring me down.
Her face contorted as she snapped no one ever rejects me.
Oh, but I just did.
Dont be a horrible person to others who have done you no harm - especially something as superficial as appearance.
I sell products at street festivals occasionally and I started talking to a woman from the same town where I went to college. I hadnt mentioned the college part, just that I used to live there and that I was considering moving back. She asked if I sold my products also to stores and I said yes. She told me I should approach a record store in her town, as it had now branched out into also being a gift shop (not surprising now in the current music economy). I mentioned that I knew the store well as I had shopped there frequently when I was at (her towns small liberal arts college). Her response? Oh, so youre a stuck-up, spoiled rich kid! I have no interest in speaking with someone like you. And then she stormed off.
It was a very enjoyable conversation before that so she was just fine with me before she knew where my degree was from! It is a very expensive school now but it was not nearly that price when I was in college and even if it was, what does that really say about me? All kinds of arguments. I could have had a scholarship or been racking up student debt. Not to mention the fact that it is also very possible to raise children in a rich family who go to expensive colleges that are not stuck-up, horrible people - I have certainly met my fair share of both types in my life.
There was one girl back in my under graduation. According to everyone in my class, she was a perfect girl (I agreed). Perfect as in literally PERFECT! She was not in our class though. She was from a different branch. She was very beautiful. She was the topper and she was also extremely good at sports. She sang, she danced. She was an all-rounder in short.
I was always intimidated and hence never spoke to her. I am usually a very talkative person but every time she came close by Id shy away like a kid.
There was an event in college during senior year to organize a huge international conference. It was an important event and it was being hosted my department. And my professor asked me if I could help him out with the arrangements and everything. My first task was to collect all the student leaders from all the departments and arrange a meeting with them. I send word around asking all of them to meet me at my department office. Somewhere in a tiny corner of my heart, I was excited because I was going to meet the girl who has intimidated me for so long. I was hoping we'd get along well together!
The meeting started and 15 minutes later, she barged into the room like she was the boss in the presence of my professor. No apology, no explanation. The meeting went on for almost an hour and I was observing everyone in the room. She was the only one who had the kind of arrogant air around her like she didn't care and all around her were petty little beings! This shattered the image I had built in my mind about her.
After the meeting, my professor left the remaining things to me and left the room. The moment he left, she opened her mouth to say something and I really really wished she had never opened her mouth at all! She started calling my professor names and started abusing my department. I ignored her and went on with asking everyone if they had any ideas for the upcoming event. She spoke as if it's no biggie and the whole event would be trash because she wasn't the head of everything.
I was very patient for a long time. For everything I said or anyone else said, she'd simply retort and say Oh that's rubbish! I can do a lot better if it were me! Id simply grind my teeth and carry on with the work. It took a lot of self-control on my behalf to try and keep things going as smooth as possible because I didn't want the huge event to be messed up because of one person in the group.
Two weeks of planning and on the day of the event this girl didn't show up at all. I couldn't reach her on the phone. Somewhere in the middle of the event, she texted me saying she had important work she had to attend to. I simply carried on with everything because since I was leading the whole event in my department's name, I didn't want it to end badly. I kept my cool and though I was stressed at the end of the event, I was satisfied with what I had done and I was very happy because everyone else on my team had done a fantastic job.
Two days later, we had our college annual day and there was the prize distribution ceremony. I had a small idea in my mind to take revenge on this girl. (Yes... I can get very wild sometimes!) so the prize distribution had started and I had a word with my professor. He agreed to let me announce the names of my group mates and a small talk about each and every person. I obviously saved the best for the last. I announced the girl's name and said, Thank you so much for your participation in making this event a success. Thank you for always saying that what others were doing was dumb because that gave us the confidence and a will to work harder. Thank you for NOT showing up on the day of the event because that was when I realized what an amazing team I was working with, and today, thank you for sitting right in front of me for taking this trophy because this has given me the motivation to speak for my team. I think your trophy must be made a tiny bit bigger than others because I'm pretty sure you deserve it more than anyone else!
For almost 5 seconds there was silence in the whole auditorium. I understood the literal meaning of pin drop silence in those 5 seconds. She didn't make an effort to stand up and walk to the stage. I understood that I had achieved what I wanted to. So I simply diverted the audience by announcing the next event and handing over the mike to the host.
So, yes! My admiration of this girl turned to disappointment and then slowly turned to disgust. And I also took revenge on her because in the time I had to deal with her, I gathered a lot of information and tried to analyze what kind of a person she was. I learned my lesson! Never judge a book by its cover!