50 Of The Best Seinfeld Quotes Of All Time. These Are Too Good!
Some of the most lovable quotes from a classic show! Sit back, relax, and enjoy.
Mr. Ross: I don't think there's any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children.
George Costanza: Yes, I hope my parents die long before I do.
Jerry: Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.
Kramer: See, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum.
Kramer:The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing.
George Costanza: He fires people like it's a bodily function!
George: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?
Jerry: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.
Jerry: Father, Ive never done this before, so Im not sure about what Im supposed to do.
Priest: All right, my son. You can start by telling me your sins.
Jerry: Well, Im Jewish.
Priest: Well thats no sin,.
Mr. Peterman: Elaine, can you keep a secret?
Elaine: No sir, I cant.
Kramer: Youre becoming one of the glitterati.
George: Whats that?
Kramer: People who glitter.
Jerry: Thats the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
More Seinfeld quotes on the next page!
Elaine: Perhaps theres more to Newman than meets the eye.
Jerry: No, theres less.
George: This woman hates me so much, Im starting to like her.
Kramer: You know what they say, You dont sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.
Jerry: You will be stunned.
Elaine: Stunned by soup?
Jerry: You cant eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle.
George: She calls me up at my office. She says, We have to talk.
Jerry: Ugh. The four worst words in the English language.
George: That or Whose bra is this?
Jerry: Thats worse.
Cushman: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant weve seen. Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. Theres someone here Id like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants.
George Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.
George: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.
George Steinbrenner: Hire this man!
Kramer: You know youre not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist.
Jerry: I think youre thinking of Youre not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery.
Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength.
Jerry: Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You cant do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.
George: Ahh, whats the point? When I like them, they dont like me, when they like me I dont like them. Why cant I act with the ones I like the way I do with the ones I dont like?
George: Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?
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Kramer:Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George: I like to get the Daily News.
Jerry: People on dates shouldnt even be allowed out in public.
Frank Costanza: You have the chicken, the hen, and the rooster. The chicken goes with the hen... So who is having sex with the rooster?
George Costanza: I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
George Costanza: I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances.
Jerry: You have made some good exits.
Elaine: Why does everything have to be so... jokey with you?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.
George: The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint...it's delicious!
Kramer: I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!
Jerry Seinfeld: You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum.
More hilarious and amazing Seinfeld quotes on the next page!
George Costanza: You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
Jerry Seinfeld: Sex, thats meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; thats heavy. Thats like an hour.
George Costanza: Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.
George Costanza: If you can't say something bad about a relationship you shouldn't say anything at all.
Telemarketer: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long distance service?
Jerry: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?
Telemarketer: Uh, well I'm sorry, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
[Jerry hangs up phone]
Jerry: I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism purely for the jokes.
Priest: And this offends you as a Jewish person?
Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian.
Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry: I went out with you.
Elaine: That's because my standards are too low.
Jerry: Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. Death is #2. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating. THAT'S a fantasy camp.
[Kramer gave blood to Jerry]
Jerry: I can feel his blood inside of me, borrowing things from my blood.
Can't get enough? You're in luck... more on the next page!
Jerry: You can't keep avoiding her.
George Costanza: Why not? If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.
Jerry: You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.
Jerry: To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there... you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's goin' on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it... you don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you - 'these are your friends! Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.
George Costanza: I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come form a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised to give up.
Ronnie: [to George] I've been living a lie.
George Costanza: You've been living a lie? I've been living... like twenty.
Jerry: A house in the Hamptons?
George: Yeah. I figured since I was lying about my income for a couple of years, I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons.
George: Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together so ya never know.
George: Youre gonna over-dry your laundry.
Jerry: You cant over-dry.
George: Why not?
Jerry: Same reason you cant over-wet.
Elaine: Im not a lesbian. I hate men, but Im not a lesbian.
George: Youve got to apologize.
George: Because its the mature and adult thing to do.
Jerry: How does that affect me?
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We'd be lying if we said we haven't all made a poor decision in our lives. Whether it's letting a questionable ex back into our lives or pairing that shirt with those jeans, we all have a cringey memory to look back on.
But most of us don't have memories of inventing something terrible, let alone one of the worst inventions ever.
Redditor NPT1506 asked:
"What is the worst human invention ever made?"
"That little 'Press to Open' tab on Kraft Mac 'n' cheese boxes. That has been an effective way of opening those boxes exactly zero times."
"K Cups. The pollution of all that single-use plastic."
Teeny Tiny Bits of Plastic
"Glitter. It N E V E R goes away."
"My printer one day just up and stopped working claiming I needed to replace a part. As it turned out, that part is meant to stop working when the printer reaches 5000 pages."
"I took the part out. There’s no damage or wear on it. So I ordered a 'reset chip' that reset the page count for that part to zero. Cost me $20 vs $110 for a replacement part."
"Later on, I found a way to enable tech mode on my printer to reset the page count for any part I want. Then again, the printer is old, and the WiFi stopped working a few weeks ago, requiring me to use direct WiFi, which sucks."
It's Getting Personal
"Serious answer: chemical toxins that have caused severe health problems."
"Personal answer: HP printers. F**king pieces of s**t."
Unholy Packing Solutions, Batman
"Styrofoam is pretty abominable in my book, especially for things like takeout food that’s destined for the trash within minutes of use."
"Child beauty pageant events."
Profit for Who
"Which leads to state prosecutors who are beholden to them. This increases the probability of being charged with a crime you didn't commit, under the plan that you're too poor to defend yourself and will plead out."
"They can't make a profit without prosecutors feeding them an ever-increasing supply of prisoners (plus parolees and probationers in "offender-funded" programs). It's a recipe for the corruption of our justice system."
"Private prisons are arguably foreign enemy assets."
Addictive Pay-to-Win Games
"Pay to Win Games, especially mobile games."
"Cigarettes. They never should have been made."
"Possibly leaded gasoline. It poisoned billions and left multiple generations more violent and less intelligent."
Reminders of War
"Landmines. They don't just disappear once a war is over. They'll stay around to kill some kids playing. Awful things."
"I’ll say Nerve Toxins/Chemical Weapons. I find few things worse than a weapon that literally gives you the slowest and most agonizing death possible."
"While nukes are horrible beyond imagination, humanity learned to avoid them as a way to ensure their own survival, it's wise, but egoistical nonetheless."
"Chemical weapons on the other hand traumatized the f**k out of the survivors and the ones who called the attacks and got to see the aftermath. They were so horrible that many soldiers deserted after using them and many went mad."
"Throughout the last century, we successfully banned almost all of those: the 1925 geneva protocol, the 1980 chemical weapons convention, among others, but I'm afraid when the next generations start to forget the horrors of chemical warfare, it will resurface in the likes of what's happening with fascism."
From modern inconveniences to climate changing inventions to the literal stuff of war, there are serious contenders here for the worst invention in human history. It would be hard to choose just one.
Children believe what their parents tell them about the world to be true because they don't know any better.
That doesn't mean they have to like what they are told. But a good child listens and will act accordingly to be in their parents' good graces.
But sometimes, adults abuse their power and say whatever it takes to get a desired response from a young one–even if what they're saying may not be entirely true.
Curious to hear from those who've eventually become wise to the ways of a parent or other adult figure, Redditor i_cant_have_dairy asked:
"What's something you were told as a child by adults, that you now realize is complete bullsh*t?"
Parents hoping to prevent a bad habit had interesting things to impart.
Advancing Bone Degeneration
"Cracking your fingers make you get arthritis."
"If you keep masturbating, you'll go blind."
Interesting things were said in school but not everything stuck.
The Threat That Didn't Land
"HS teachers: 'That stuff won't fly in college" College: ✈️✈️✈️✈️'
An Easy Pass For Today
"I got this BS all through school. 'I'll let this slide, but don't think you'll get away it next year...' "You can do this now, but don't think it'll happen in Middle School...' 'Don't expect to get away with this in High School...' 'Yeah, we'll let this go in High School, but if you think you'll get that sort of accomodation in college/the real world...(evil laugh)'. "
"Eventually, I caught on that it was more dependent on the teacher's attitude rather than anything else. Small example, in high school I couldn't remember the name of a town on a test, but I could remember everything else, even drew the diagram the teacher had the board in the margin, just to prove I had paid attention that day. Still got marked wrong. In college, similar brain fart, couldn't recall a place name, but I put as much description as I could otherwise. Professor gave me half credit."
The Wrong Impression
"DARE activities in primary school gave the impression that grownups would always be giving away narcotics for free. lol"
"That a degree would open all the doors and knowing about politics, history and general stuff would make me an interesting person and that socializing was a waste of time. Nowadays I work for a big4 but I have the personality of a boiled potato. And they have the nerves to ask why I don't have a girlfriend or more friends at 27. Teach your kids social skills. Studying is not everything."
Certain behaviors get fact-checked.
The Thing About Respect
"That you gotta have respect for you elders.... Don't get me wrong you gotta have respect for everyone but I'm only gonna give what you give me. If you are a butthole ima be a butthole."
There Are No Stupid Questions...Maybe
“No harm in asking', boy did that get me in trouble…"
'Just ignore them and they'll go away.'
"No it doesn't. It just makes them laugh so they do it more."
Getting Old But Never Wiser
"That adults know what they are doing."
"31 and I feel like a chicken with his head cut off."
You Are Not What You Eat
"That you can't be full unless you eat bread. Carbs actually make you hungrier. Protein fills you up."
"Also: if you drink coffee, you'll grow a tail. Don't ask me where I'm from."
I was a very rambunctious and obnoxious kid, so maybe I deserved the tactic my mother resorted to using to get me to be on my best behavior.
Whenever I acted out, my mother used to convince me she would call the "mountain people" to come back and retrieve me back to the community from where she claimed to have initially found and adopted me.
One time, when I was incredulous and stood my ground after being a pain, my mother told me the mountain people were going to take me back.
So she called them up by using our rotary-dial telephone and faked a whole conversation with them about how unruly I've been and that it was time for me to return.
She sent me to my room to start packing–which I did. Unbeknownst to me, she rang the doorbell to indicate they had arrived to take me away.
When that happened, I profusely apologized to her and promised to behave so she could send them away.
That was the last time she used that effective tactic and the last time I think I was at my worst in terms of my rebellious behavior.
We laugh about it now but back then, I was terrified.
But I can't discredit her for her creative discipline.
No two people have the same threshold for pain.
Some people don't even notice pricking their fingers, while others might equate doing so to being fully amputated.
No matter one's threshold, however, being in pain, big or small, is never a good feeling.
Particularly if it's the sort of pain that aspirin or ibuprofen can't take care of.
Some pain is so horrific that those suffering from it genuinely can't imagine going through anything worse.
"What's the worst physical pain you have ever had?"
"I am a heart-transplant recipient."
"The absolute worst experience of my life was when the tool used to take tissue samples of the heart (biopsy) to check for rejections got stuck and the doctor tried to use force to get it out, he failed."
"Mind you, you shouldn't be able to feel anything in the transplanted heart."
"I felt everything."- Beastrix
Seriously, What Haven't They Been Through?
"Having A UTI after covid that also had light pneumonia."
"Falling on my hands and knees while my backpack full of school books to return [2011 for book reference] that slammed into my back."
"I have scoliosis already and it threw my back out."
"Or my hip dislocating."
"It still dislocates."- Fluffy-Doubt-3547
"Like 10,000 knives in my stomach."- coffeedogsandwine
You Know Its Bad When Surgery's The Only Solution
"Ended up having my gal bladder removed."
"And I've broken my knee skiing which also required surgery."
"Minor annoyance in comparison."- Fracture_98
"I had a doctor once reset a broken bone in my wrist."
"He pushed it back."
"Worst pain I have ever felt."
"I screamed at him 'F*CK YOU, MOTHERF**KER!!'"
"He was nice about it though, and just laughed."- OttersOfNorthAmerica
Headache's Are Never Fun
"Chronic Cluster Headaches."- noiamnotyourfriend
"Worst headache of my life with migraine."
"And with it, an increase in blood pressure."
"I just lay on the floor and couldn't move."
"It cannot be described in words, but I have already vomited everything that is possible, and instinct made me writhe in the urge to give out something that has not been there for a long time."- Exciting_Composer_86
"I had a root canal done on a tooth that wasn’t numb."
"I didn’t realize it until they scraped the nerve out of the bottom of the root."
"It hurt so bad I completely blacked out."- victrola_cola
"Welp I guess now's the time."
"If you're squeamish turn away."
"Allow me to tell you the story of the gigash*t."
"I always had stomach issues."
"One holiday I ate too much dairy and gravy and it didn't agree with me."
"I already had constipation issues, most likely due to college stress, under hydration, and lactose intolerance that I didn't know I had at the time."
"I was hunched over in pain for hours."
"I had been stuck for a week or so and I wanted it out."
"The pain got progressively worse and worse across the day, and then it got to a height. It hurt so bad I cancelled my holiday visits and hobbled to the toilet."
"Little did I know what horrors awaited me."
"I don't know how long I was in there fighting for my life."
"At some point I had pulled a dresser over to lean my head and arms on because I was so exhausted and in pain, and I needed something to help keep my legs up."
"I clung to it like a castaway clings to flotsam."
"I felt like I should have seen a doctor, but I was already hell bound now, couldn't quit after all this work."
"I actually tried to use wipes to pull some of it out by hand, but it was like chiseling at hardening clay, and it was stuck like glue to my dying organs."
"I was certain I was dying too, but I wasn't going to give up."
"I wasn't going to let the football in my guts win."
"I clenched and pushed and suffered for what felt like hours."
"Then, at the height of my pain, it fell like a single brick with a clunk."
"I was huffing and puffing."
"It was like I just gave birth, and my a** was obliterated to the point where it was sore for the rest of the day."
"My guts actually felt empty."
"It's hard to explain, but I never felt so light in my life, despite how horribly the rest of my body ached."
"I was but a husk for the small football shaped demon spawn to shed, and now I was free."
"I immediately went to bed, still unbelievably sore."
"I recovered, but that was the absolute worst."
"Moral of the story, drink your water and eat your fiber, and for God's sake don't eat too much cheese."- mysterious_greenbean
Just When They Thought The Worst Was Over
"Woke up to to a huge spider right next to my face on my pillow."
"My reaction was to jump out of bed screaming bloody murder."
"I landed on the leg I had surgery in the day before, the leg gave out and I hit it hard on the bedframe and tore the wound."
"I passed out from the pain."- mistaekeish
Hopefully Not Simultaneously?!
"Kidney infection and tooth infection have been the absolute worst."- SexyChronicPain
Our Bones Are More Delicate Than We Might Think
"Skull bone infection (osteomyelitis) stemming from a tooth abscess, ended up with 3 front teeth out through high school."
"It took around 11 extraction/bone graft/implant surgeries for like 5 years of my life."
"But I’m all good now."
" Oh and f*ck broken ribs."- throwaway19273919
Thankfully, not all pain is chronic, and only lasts a short time.
If pain is unbearable enough, however, the memory of it can last a life time.
We've all done things we aren't proud of.
Be it saying something behind someone's back, a prank that went a little too far, or a heated exchange with a friend or family member, everyone has crossed the line at one point or another.
Thankfully, more often than not, these mistakes can be salvaged with an apology and a little contrition.
Unless you've done something that goes well beyond a simple "I'm sorry."
We’re talking about actions that can only be described as "f*cked up."
"Redditors, what is the most fucked up thing you have ever done?"
Duplicity Never Pays Off
"I’m a recovered heroin addict (9 years sober), and I have a lot of stories of how much of a sh*t person I use to be."
"I really can’t gauge what my worst moment would be, but I can post a story or two definitely."
"One day, I was flat broke and on my last bag of dope. My 'neighborhood pharmacist' just recently was arrested for a dui."
"Brainstorming, I came up with an idea to try and get some pills at the e.r. I still had med insurance at the moment, so I thought this was my best option."
"My buddy came by and we were hanging out outside smoking a cigarette and trying to figure out how to get hurt, just enough to get some pills, but not enough to actually have permanent repercussions."
"There was this big cinder block beside my garage, and I decided to drop it on my foot in hopes of just breaking a toe at most."
"I stood outside on the concrete patio for about five minutes with the cinderblock trying to hype myself up enough to drop it on my foot."
"I couldn’t do it, psyched myself out too much."
"I told my friend that he would have to do it for me, and he said OK."
"He held it about waist high and dropped it on my foot."
"I knew it wasn’t enough damage so I told him that he needed to put it up higher and drop it again to which he did."
"So go to the hospital tell them that I was carrying boxes downstairs to the basement and dropped them when I slipped on the bottom step so I go back, get x-rays, and I am in the waiting room."
"Dr comes in and tells me that I’ve torn numerous ligaments in my foot and probably would hurt less if I had just broke my foot."
"Hearing this I was excited thinking yes I just scored."
"I Didn’t care about the pain at the moment just happy that I just potentially scored."
"They release me, and hand me a script."
"They wrote me a script for ibuprofen 800mg."
When Pranks Stop Being Funny
"Was night manager at fast food establishment during college."
"There was a bitter prank rivalry between our establishment and the Subway next to us."
"After months of prank escalation, I crammed a rotting hamburger patty in the handle of the Subway manager's trunk lid so he went knuckle deep in rotting burger when he went home."
"That was the end of the prank war and I've never forgiven myself for crossing the red line."- Quivum
How Ironic This Happened At A Therapists Office
"I’m gonna rat my little sister out."
"During our parents’ divorce & custody battle, we were forced to sit in on family counseling sessions."
"I was 12 & she was 8."
"We thought my Mom was acting funny & might have been banging the counselor on the side for her own personal testimonial interests (still not confirmed)."
"So we were pissed off because we loved our Mom and our Dad."
"It seemed like the counselor favored our mom over our Dad, and it got rough sometimes watching him become outed by the only 2 adult forces who didn’t love him in this world."
"ANYWAY, my little sister and I were left alone in his office, and she decided she was gonna take a sh*t in his little trash can to assert dominance."
"It was asserted."
"We never went back."- Pleasant-Security831
When You Gotta Go...
"Ugh this was an embarrassing one that I hope no one ever finds out."
"One night a few years ago, we (my boyfriend and his family) get Chinese food from our favorite little place."
"For some reason this night it doesn't sit well with me."
"An hour after eating I get that intensely sick feeling, like you have to poop so bad that you want to throw up."
"Whatever, I go upstairs and destroy the bathroom."
"It's important to note, there's two bathrooms upstairs and none downstairs, which is like a little apartment where my boyfriend and I stay."
"After I'm sure my bowels are empty, I go back down to lay in bed."
"Thought I could nap it off."
"Nah, about 30 seconds after laying down I get the urge to go again."
"I run upstairs and to my horror, both bathrooms are occupied. His sister is refusing to get of the shower even though it's an emergency and his dad is blowing up the other toilet, presumably suffering a similar fate to mine."
"I begrudgingly go sit in bed and contemplate my options as the bubbling in my gut grows worse."
"Bust down the bathroom door and traumatize his sister?"
"Make the 30 minute drive home?"
"No, it was urgent."
"I even thought about sh*tting my pants (against my will) and dealing with the embarrassment."
"God I don't want to subject my future in-laws to that."
"I begrudgingly realize my only option is to go outside like nature intended."
"Their yard is very open and it was a super bright-moonlit night, so there was no place to do it without feeling super exposed."
"Except for under the trampoline."
"My thought process was: no one has used the trampoline for years, and it's out of sight/ walking range so no one could accidentally step in it."
"Great. I do my business, get soaked in the process ( it was slightly raining and the trampoline was POURING water on me), clean up with napkins and wet wipes, come inside. Immediately throw up in the trash can from the shock/embarrassment/anxiety/sickness."
"Clean that up and immediately go to bed."
"Everything was fine for a few days, until my boyfriend's dad lightheartedly tells me how he was late for work that morning."
"The dog had rolled in some shit and he had to get a bath."
"I felt like throwing up all over again, but thankfully everyone just suspected it was some type of animal poop."-WeirdConnections
Revenge Is Seldom The Answer
"My hometown is generally pretty middle-class to poor."
"There's a bunch of rich people that live in the woods and one of them had a kid that went to our high school and bullied the f*ck out of the kids that weren't as wealthy."
"That sh*t head grew up and bought a Camaro last summer and removed the muffler so it would be the loudest thing in town."
"On new years eve of 2021, he decided to ruin a town tradition and lapped the town common with it during the tree lighting ceremony. while people were caroling and giving thanks."
"Summer of last year, me and a friend decided it was time to get revenge because nobody wanted to do anything about it."
"My friend's dad owned a junkyard and they recently got an old train horn from a busted diesel that ended up there."
"We spent a good week getting it set up in the back of his work truck and decided to wait on it for a little while."
"A month or so later, we found out he was having a party of some kind with other rich folks and his family but we didn't know what it was about, so we carefully parked outside his house on the opposite side of his fence."
"Right as it was starting, we blasted the train horn and peeled out before anyone knew what happened."
"News got out later and we found out the party we bombed was actually a wake for his late grandfather."- G4rg0yle_Art1st
Seemed Harmless At The Time...
"You know how people bag up their leaves and leave them out by the street?"
"As a teen we used to go out at night and dump them back out on people's lawns."
"Thinking about it now I would be so pissed if someone did that to me."- Toastbuns
They Didn't Have ANY Doubts?...
"When I was about 15 a neighbor of ours stopped us in the road and chewed us out for riding our go-carts in the road."
"This despite the fact that it was a dirt road in a rural area which was the perfect place for riding go carts."
"He was a complete a**hole about it too."
"I don't know where I got the idea from but I promptly went home, called the electric company, pretended to be the neighbor, and told them I wanted my electricity turned off as we were moving."
"It was the eighties so they just looked the account up by name and address and promptly entered my request in the system."
"I'm sure it was just a minor inconvenience for them but they deserved it in my opinion."- BaconReceptacle
Personal Demons Are Hard To Fight
"The day before I stopped drinking alcohol altogether, I was in a really dark place for a number of reasons."
"And I was ABSOLUTELY using alcohol as a crutch."
"One of the reasons why I was in such a bad place, emotionally, was because my cousin was in decline due to glioblastoma."
"I was actively seeing this person, that I loved dearly, lose his sense of self and ability to understand conversations and situations."
"And he was young—just turned 50."
"There was a lot of light in the beginning, but considering that glioblastoma is effectively a stage-less brain cancer, it was almost guaranteed he would lose the battle."
"The day that I stopped drinking altogether was the day that I was supposed to drive him to a research institute for his monthly treatment and check-in."
"It was the only time I was asked to take on that level of responsibility, as his wife would normally take him."
"I helped in a bunch of different ways, like hanging out with him when he’d otherwise be alone, but this appointment was pretty big."
"I depressedly drank myself into a stupor the night before and missed our meet-up time."
"I’d said that I’d be there no matter what, and I wasn’t."
"The appointment happened, and he 'reassured me' everything was okay as he knew the battle was over anyway."
"But I will never forgive myself for that."
"Even typing this out makes me feel like the biggest piece of sh*t."
"I wish I were sober then."- ssssskkkkkrrrrrttttt
Credit where it is due, just about every one of these people admitted to doing something wrong.
Even if it doesn't excuse their actions, as knowingly doing something you know is wrong might make it even worse...