Some of the most lovable quotes from a classic show! Sit back, relax, and enjoy.
1/50.
Mr. Ross: I don't think there's any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children.
George Costanza: Yes, I hope my parents die long before I do.
2/50.
Jerry: Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.
3/50.
Kramer: See, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum.
4/50.
Kramer: The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing.
5/50.
George Costanza: He fires people like it's a bodily function!
6/50.
George: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?
Jerry: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.
7/50.
Jerry: Father, Ive never done this before, so Im not sure about what Im supposed to do.
Priest: All right, my son. You can start by telling me your sins.
Jerry: Well, Im Jewish.
Priest: Well thats no sin,.
Jerry: Oh
8/50.
Mr. Peterman: Elaine, can you keep a secret?
Elaine: No sir, I cant.
9/50.
Kramer: Youre becoming one of the glitterati.
George: Whats that?
Kramer: People who glitter.
10/50.
Jerry: Thats the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
More Seinfeld quotes on the next page!
11/50.
Elaine: Perhaps theres more to Newman than meets the eye.
Jerry: No, theres less.
12/50.
George: This woman hates me so much, Im starting to like her.
13/50.
Kramer: You know what they say, You dont sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.
14/50.
Jerry: You will be stunned.
Elaine: Stunned by soup?
Jerry: You cant eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle.
15/50.
George: She calls me up at my office. She says, We have to talk.
Jerry: Ugh. The four worst words in the English language.
George: That or Whose bra is this?
Jerry: Thats worse.
16/50.
Cushman: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant weve seen. Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. Theres someone here Id like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants.
George Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.
George: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.
George Steinbrenner: Hire this man!
17/50.
Kramer: You know youre not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist.
Jerry: I think youre thinking of Youre not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery.
Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength.
18/50.
Jerry: Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You cant do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.
19/50.
George: Ahh, whats the point? When I like them, they dont like me, when they like me I dont like them. Why cant I act with the ones I like the way I do with the ones I dont like?
20/50.
George: Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?
Continue to the next page for more great Seinfeld quotes!
21/50.
Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George: I like to get the Daily News.
22/50.
Jerry: People on dates shouldnt even be allowed out in public.
23/50.
Frank Costanza: You have the chicken, the hen, and the rooster. The chicken goes with the hen... So who is having sex with the rooster?
24/50.
George Costanza: I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
25/50.
George Costanza: I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances.
Jerry: You have made some good exits.
26/50.
Elaine: Why does everything have to be so... jokey with you?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.
27/50.
George: The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
28/50.
Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint...it's delicious!
29/50.
Kramer: I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!
30/50.
Jerry Seinfeld: You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum.
More hilarious and amazing Seinfeld quotes on the next page!
31/50.
George Costanza: You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
32/50.
Jerry Seinfeld: Sex, thats meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; thats heavy. Thats like an hour.
33/50.
George Costanza: Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.
34/50.
George Costanza: If you can't say something bad about a relationship you shouldn't say anything at all.
35/50.
Telemarketer: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long distance service?
Jerry: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?
Telemarketer: Uh, well I'm sorry, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Telemarketer: No.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
[Jerry hangs up phone]
36/50.
Jerry: I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism purely for the jokes.
Priest: And this offends you as a Jewish person?
Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian.
37/50.
Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry: I went out with you.
Elaine: That's because my standards are too low.
38/50.
Jerry: Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. Death is #2. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
39/50.
George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating. THAT'S a fantasy camp.
40/50.
[Kramer gave blood to Jerry]
Jerry: I can feel his blood inside of me, borrowing things from my blood.
Can't get enough? You're in luck... more on the next page!
41/50.
Jerry: You can't keep avoiding her.
George Costanza: Why not? If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.
42/50.
Jerry: You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.
43/50.
Jerry: To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there... you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's goin' on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it... you don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you - 'these are your friends! Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.
44/50.
George Costanza: I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come form a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised to give up.
45/50.
Ronnie: [to George] I've been living a lie.
George Costanza: You've been living a lie? I've been living... like twenty.
46/50.
Jerry: A house in the Hamptons?
George: Yeah. I figured since I was lying about my income for a couple of years, I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons.
47/50.
George: Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together so ya never know.
48/50.
George: Youre gonna over-dry your laundry.
Jerry: You cant over-dry.
George: Why not?
Jerry: Same reason you cant over-wet.
49/50.
Elaine: Im not a lesbian. I hate men, but Im not a lesbian.
50/50.
George: Youve got to apologize.
Jerry: Why?
George: Because its the mature and adult thing to do.
Jerry: How does that affect me?
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That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
– StraightSho
Deep Despair
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
– imrealbizzy2
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
The Illness
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
– MotherOfBorzoi
Unrequited Love
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
– marie-llama
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
– schassis408
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
Deception
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
– MURKOMEN
Heartbreaker
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
– shortgirl1978
Ungrateful
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
– Jackie_Mojica
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
– ramos1969
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Big
martin scorsese casino GIFGiphy"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
Fake Care
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"
New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copies
mail GIF by RabbidsGiphy"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
Followers
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"connection"
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
Thieves
Joseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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