1/35. If God created the sun on the fourth day, how had four days passed?
2/35. Dog food could say it's any flavor it wants, you're not going to test it.
3/35. Batman only fights crime at night because otherwise he would have weird and obvious tan lines.
4/35. What if a radio station said "Hey Siri, text my mom 'f*ck you'.......... Send"
5/35. The world isn't getting dumber. It's just easier for dumb people to get their thoughts heard.
6/35. Isn't it weird in movies sometimes when there's a fight on top of a truck yet all the cars behind them will be driving like normal like "this is real messed up but I'm not going to be late for work".
7/35. Why are wedding dresses bought and tuxedos rented? The utility of each is such that it should be the other way around.
Continue to the next page for more genius thoughts!
8/35. I like to think money wouldn't change me; yet when I'm winning Monopoly I'm a terrible person.
9/35. We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
10/35. Wherever a fatal car crash or pedestrian death occurs, a red square with the year of the accident should be permanently included in the pavement. Seeing a lot of red squares in a given location would make drivers and pedestrians more careful.
11/35. I've woken up over 10,000 times and I'm still not used to it.
12/35. I am a much better proofreader the moment after I post something than the moment before.
13/35. If Google Maps added 5 minutes to every time estimate on directions millions of people would be on time for things.
14/35. When you're a kid, staying up late makes you feel like an adult. When you're an adult, staying up late makes you feel like a kid.
Continue to the next page for more!
15/35. You think you're unique until you have to choose a username
16/35. Most animals don't recognize their own reflection because their brains aren't complex enough. I wonder if humans have observed something which we cannot comprehend or even know we cannot comprehend because our brains lack that complexity.
17/35. It's strange that the adoption process is so strict and rigorous; and yet any two people can produce a baby with no regulation whatsoever.
18/35. I'm lucky enough to live in a country where if I hear an air raid siren I expect it to be followed by phat bass and a banging tune.
19/35. If there's a mean dog or a wild horse in a movie, they have to train an animal to act untrained.
20/35. What the hell does a golfer do when they retire? Most people retire then take up golf.
21/35. There's a big bag of deadly acid in the middle of my body and I'm supposed to be totally okay with that.
More shower thoughts on the next page!
22/35. From a wookie's perspective, Chewbacca is the handsome rogue and Han is the dumb sidekick communicating in animal noises.
23/35. The last ten squares on the toilet roll should have "This is NOT enough for the next person!" printed on them
24/35. My parents spent the first 18 years of my life telling me how unique and special I was, then spent the rest of my life telling me I am no different than anyone else and to get a job.
25/35. When I was a small child, my grandmother showed me love by playing along with my make believe games. Now that she is older and has dementia it is my turn to show love by playing along with hers.
26/35. I'm flabbergasted at how our education system managed to find a way to turn something as fascinating as history into a boring slog.
27/35. Why would anybody buy a bookmark for a dollar when they could use a dollar as a bookmark?
28/35. People used the cigarette lighter socket to light cigarettes, but now they use it to charge cigarettes.
Can't get enough? Good! More on the next page.
29/35. When we want another's thoughts, we say "penny for your thoughts." When we offer up our own, we say "putting my two cents in." We value our own opinion twice as much.
30/35. Uber should have a senior discount so elderly people wouldn't have to drive if they feel like they can't drive safely.
31/35. Porn and the WWE are essentially the same. Both feature unrealistic representations of humans taking way longer to accomplish something, in which the acting doesn't matter and the more outrageous the personality, the more popular.
32/35. My first instinct when I see an animal is to say "hello", my first instinct when I see a human is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away
33/25. We live in an age where your last words may be an emoticon.
34/35. It is widely accepted that you should have another job lined up before quitting your current job. This same concept does not apply to relationships.
35/35. The person directly in front of you is also the person that is the farthest behind you.