25 Of The Most Hilarious Texts From Grandpa. They Just Keep Getting Better With Age.
Intentional or not, these texts from grandfathers are priceless. At least there were no nudes!
More texts from gramps on the NEXT PAGE!
More hilarious grandfather texts on the next page!
Grandpa please. More on the NEXT PAGE!
Continue to the next page for more!
Share this with someone who could use a good laugh!
Few actors from the past or present have embodied the otherworldly aura of a movie star quite like Sophia Loren. The tall, dark, and stunning Italian actress is the definition of Hollywood royalty—but her life was no fairy tale. From her harrowing childhood to her..."complicated" love life, there were incredible secrets behind Sophia Loren's sultry smile.
1. She Has Royal Blood
Sophia Loren may look like she was born in an extravagant Italian villa, but looks can be deceiving. Though Sofia Costanza Brigida Villani Scicolone was born in 1934 with Italian royalty in her blood, don't go thinking she grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. Sure, her father had noble roots—but they didn't mean much by 1934.
By then, he was a simple construction engineer. He was also a terrible father.
2. Her Father Abandoned Her
Riccardo Scicolone may have gotten Romilda Villani pregnant, but that wasn't enough to keep him in the picture. He abandoned his young family, leaving Villani and young Sofia without any financial support. In fact, Sophia Loren only met her father three times in her entire life. Once she became a star, she had no time in her life for the deadbeat who left her.
But she wasn't a star yet—and she still had a painful childhood to endure.
3. He Cut Them Out Of His Life
In 1938, Loren's parents had another child, Maria. But her father hadn't learned his lesson. If anything, he'd only grown more cruel. Sophia at least was able to take his last name—with Maria, he wouldn't even acknowledge that she was his daughter. Eventually, when Sofia Scicolone became Sophia Loren, she paid her dad just to recognize Maria and allow her to take his last name.
So no, Sophia Loren didn't have a strong father figure in her life—but at the lowest point of her childhood, that was the least of her problems.
4. She Had A Cruel Nickname
Sophia Loren grew up in the outskirts of Naples—at the time one of the poorest regions in all of Italy. Her mother made ends meet, but the luxuries of show business must have seemed a million miles away. Loren was tall for her age, but incredibly skinny. The other children in the neighborhood would tease her mercilessly, dubbing her "The Toothpick."
Well, they wouldn't be laughing for long.
5. She Got NoticedFile:Sophia Loren, 1955 (5129858198).jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
Everything changed for young Sofia Scicolone one summer when she was 15. She and a group of friends were in Rome, and like all teenagers, they were looking for something to do. They weighed their options and decided to take in the Miss Italia pageant. They found a table, and while Sofia chatted with her friends, a stranger brought a note to their table. It was for her.
I doubt she knew it yet, but Sophia Loren was born that day.
6. She Had The Looks
The note was from a strange, older man named Carlo Ponti. Ponti happened to be one of the judges for Miss Italia. He took one look at "The Toothpick," quickly growing into her frame, and marveled at her beauty. She simply had to enter the contest. Now, most teenage girls would be terrified by this sudden attention from a strange, middle-aged man.
But Sofia Scicolone wasn't ordinary. Her entire life, her mother had told her that she was a star—and it was time to prove it.
7. She Won Miss Elegance
15-year-old Sofia Scicolone entered the 1950 Miss Italia Pageant as Sofia Lazzaro. She had no experience—but when you're Sofia Loren, you don't need experience. She took home the title of Miss Elegance—second place to the Miss Italia Crown. For a teenaged first-timer, I'd say that was pretty good. But the beauty pageant was just the beginning.
Carlo Ponti had his hooks in Loren now, and neither of them would ever be the same.
8. She Started Acting Young
Carlo Ponti wasn't just a beauty pageant judge—he was a film producer. He quickly hired Sofia Lazzaro to appear in some of his movies. Apparently, one name change wasn't enough, because soon after, he told her he was changing her name: She was now Sophia Loren. With Ponti in her corner, there was no telling how far this bright-eyed young starlet would go—but Ponti's interest wasn't entirely pure.
9. Their Relationship Grew Physical
The age gap between Loren and Ponti would never close, but as she grew into a young woman, her relationship with the film producer took a turn. She has always claimed that they were nothing more than friendly in the early days—but once she turned 19, all bets were off. They became lovers, but it was so much more than that.
Sophia Loren saw a future with Ponti—but it wouldn't come as easy as she hoped.
10. She Wanted One Thing Above All ElseFile:Carlo-Ponti-and-Sophia-Loren-in-Copenhagen-142462274996.jpg ...en.wikipedia.org
Sophia Loren was young and in love, and she only dreamed of one thing: "A legitimate family." She never forgave the father who abandoned her and her mother, and she dreamed of a man who would never do the same to her. She wanted the family life she never had—but it wasn't that easy. You see, Carlo Ponti had a secret.
11. Her Lover Was Married
Carlo Ponti wasn't just two decades older than Sophia Loren—he was also married with two kids. He had become estranged from his wife and fell into the arms of the beautiful, vibrant young Loren. That complicated things. But it was even worse than it appeared. Not only was Carlo Ponti a married man, but divorce was actually illegal in the staunchly-Catholic Italy at the time.
The legitimate family that Loren longed for was out of her reach. But she had other dreams to tide her over—dreams that lived across the Atlantic, in Hollywood.
12. She Worked Harder Than Anyone
Sophia Loren was a star, but she didn't expect anyone to hand anything to her. She worked for her reputation. Between 1950 and 1955, she appeared in a whopping 35 films. She loved the work at first—but few people can keep such a hectic schedule without it taking a toll on them eventually.
13. She Had Panic Attacks
One night, Sophia Loren lay in bed when she suddenly found she couldn't breathe. Once the attack subsided, she rushed to her doctor, convinced she had asthma, pneumonia, or something worse. It took mere moments for the doctor to diagnose her: She'd had a panic attack. The stress and anxiety of her schedule had finally gotten to her. From then on, her pace slowed down, and she never again made so many movies in such a short time frame.
But work wasn't the only thing causing her stress...
14. They Completed Each Other
It's difficult to pinpoint when Carlo Ponti and Sophia Loren's relationship became more than platonic. Sometime between when Loren was 15 and 19, they became lovers—but ask either of them and they'd say they were so much more than that. Ponti gave Loren the love and guidance that she never got from her father.
Meanwhile, to Ponti, Loren was a star. A goddess that comes around once in a generation. But no matter what they felt, they couldn't avoid controversy.
15. Her Mother Had Doubts About HimMiss Italia - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org
When Loren was 19, Carlo Ponti presented her with a ring. He was still married, but both of them knew what that ring meant. Loren rushed home on cloud nine to show her mother—but she did not get the reaction she was looking for. Her mother said what anyone would say, "What are you doing???" Carlo Ponti was nearly 40, married, and had two kids. Sophia was a young woman just starting her life.
Loren's mother's fears were valid, but they couldn't stop her.
16. She Went Hollywood
Sophia Loren started acting in Italian films when she was just 16. It took only a few years for the world to take notice. This tall, dark, and stunning young actress made Hollywood studio execs go gaga. They all fought to be the one to sign her to a contract—and Paramount go to her first. She signed a five-picture deal with the studio and headed towards the bright lights of Tinsel Town.
She was in for a greeting that she would never forget.
17. They Threw Her A Party
Hollywood loves its parties. To welcome the sultry Italian star to America, Paramount threw Loren a big shindig. For Loren, it must have seemed like a fairy tale. All the stars of Hollywood, come to welcome little ol' her. Actors and actresses she'd only seen on the screen came up to greet her in the flesh. Then, once the party was well underway, a new face arrived. A stunned hush fell across the room...what was she wearing?!
18. She Gave The World's Best Side-Eye
Jayne Mansfield showed up to Sophia Loren's welcome party fashionably late, and she made a beeline straight for Loren's table. Years later, Loren recalled that was the moment when the party got "amazing." A photographer was on hand to capture the iconic moment, and the image instantly became part of Hollywood history.
But Sophia Loren got a lot more than a peek at Mansfield's goods when she arrived in Hollywood—she finally got what she'd always dreamed of.
19. He Got A Mexican Divorce
Hollywood is quite close to this country called Mexico. And you know what's really easy in Mexico? Getting a divorce. Not long after the pair arrived in America, Carlo Ponti got a Mexican divorce from his first wife. At the same time, he married Sophia Loren by proxy. Just like that, their problem was solved! Loren could finally have the "legitimate family" she'd always dreamed of!
Except, few things are ever so simple. Soon after filing the divorce, Ponti received devastating news.
20. She Became A FugitiveThe River Girl - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org
Loren and Ponti thought they'd found their way around the whole "no divorces in Italy" thing. I guess they counted their chickens before they hatched. Ponti discovered that both he and Loren were now fugitives. Italian authorities told him that if they ever returned to their homeland, they would immediately be apprehended. Ponti would be charged with bigamy, and Loren with "concubinage."
It was completely ridiculous—but it forced Loren to live a lie for years.
21. She Had To Live A Lie
Sophia Loren's heart belonged to Carlo Ponti, but she couldn't show it. The couple snuck back into Italy for a time, but had to keep their relationship a secret. Even when they left to live abroad—eventually getting married for real in France—they still hid their relationship, for fear of consequences back home. They eventually even had to get their marriage annulled for fear of the repercussions.
No matter how either of them felt, Loren's relationship with Ponti was in limbo—and that gave her eyes time to wander.
22. She Met Some Big Shots
Sophia Loren adored her older husband/father figure, but now she was in Hollywood—and Hollywood might have better man candy than anywhere else on Earth. One night, she learned that she was to meet none other than Frank Sinatra and Cary Grant. She found Sinatra charming and amicable, while Grant was rude and off-putting.
But Hollywood is a small town, and she'd run into Grant again before long.
23. She Became A Movie Star
Hollywood might have been intimidating for a young girl from the outskirts of Naples, but the town welcomed her with open arms. Her five-picture contract with Paramount put her on the map. Within just a few years, she was a household name. Sophia Loren was officially an international film star—but that wasn't enough. She would soon be the biggest actress on the planet.
24. She Reached The Top
The 50s gave way to the 60s, and Sophia Loren's star continued to rise. She made movies in both Europe and America, and people everywhere adored her. Her rise to the spotlight finally peaked in 1964, when she earned an unbelievable $1 million paycheck to star in The Fall of the Roman Empire. Sophia Loren was finally the star that both her mother and Ponti had always told her she was.
Unfortunately, being a star comes with some brutal complications.
25. She Suffered In SilenceSophia Loren (PREMO) | She is wearing nylons too. edited to … | Flickrwww.flickr.com
Sophia Loren might have become rich and famous, but she still had problems. The most painful was her inability to bear children. Though she became pregnant several times, she suffered miscarriages each time. As if those losses weren't devastating enough, it would soon get even worse. The tabloids caught wind of Loren's struggles and began speculating wildly about her complicated pregnancies.
But that wasn't the only fodder they had to work with.
26. The Tabloids Hounded Her
When the tabloids weren't covering her pregnancies, they'd try to dissect Loren's complicated marriage history, or tax evasion charges, or maybe those whispers about an affair with Cary Grant. Just like any other actress, Sophia Loren had to put up with constant intrusions into her often-painful personal life. And, just like any other actress, she had to deal with some miserable co-stars.
27. She Met A True Superstar
In 1960, Sophia Loren got to star in a movie with one of the biggest stars in Hollywood history: Clark Gable. She was completely starstruck—until the work began. Then she realized Clark Gable wasn't the man she thought he'd be. The first day got off to a good start, but then at 5pm, Gable's watch started ringing. He gave a cheerful, "Bye bye!" then headed home, even though they weren't done shooting.
It was odd, but maybe he had an appointment? Not quite. Sophia Loren might have been the starlet, but Clark Gable was the diva.
28. He Disappointed Her
Turns out, by 1960, "working hard" wasn't really in Clark Gable's contract. No matter what was happening on set, when his 5 o'clock bell went off, he hung up his hat and got out of there. Loren, who had spent the last decade working her behind off to establish herself, was less than impressed. But Clark Gable still wasn't as bad as Marlon Brando.
29. Marlon Brando Made A Terrible First Impression
Marlon Brando wasn't exactly one for first impressions, but the first thing he said to Sophia Loren was just cruel. He barged into her dressing room on the Paramount lot, took one look at the paintings she'd hung on the wall, and said, "You’re sick. Emotionally disturbed. You should see a psychiatrist." What a great start to a professional relationship!
And that was just the beginning.
30. He Had Wandering HandsFile:Marlon Brando 1948.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
Marlon Brando didn't know how to give a first impression, and he definitely didn't know how to keep his hands to himself. Before shooting a scene, he came up close to Loren and stroked her back. She said, "Don't do that, I don't like it." Then as soon as the cameras started rolling? He did it again. Loren turned and glared at him, then said she'd slap him in the face if he ever touched her again.
Do you think he did?
31. She Taught Him A Lesson
Marlon Brando, like many men in Old Hollywood, didn't like the word, "No." When Loren threatened to slap him, he put both of his hands on her. Sophia Loren might have been one of Hollywood's great beauties, but she had a temper that few of her fellow actress could match. She exploded and screamed right in Brando's face: "Don’t you ever dare to do that again. Never again!"
And he didn't. Would you?
32. He Picked On Her Constantly
Marlon Brando never touched Sophia Loren without asking again—but as you can imagine, their working relationship was in the toilet. Brando talked about Loren behind her back. He said that her breath reeked from all the Italian food she ate. He said it was "worse than a dinosaur's." Just some great, mature behavior from an iconic leading man—but he could get even pettier.
Making the movie was miserable for both of them, so when it came time to film their big kiss, Brando couldn't help but mess with her.
33. Their Kiss Scene Was Miserable
Kissing scenes are awkward for even the best actors. Locking lips with a co-worker, with cameras and lights pointed straight at you, while dozens of people stand around and watch? Not my idea of a fun day at work. Well, Brando apparently wanted it to be even more miserable. After the pair smooched for the first time, Loren recoiled. Brando had whispered something in her ear—and it wasn't sweet nothings.
34. He Made Fun
Loren stormed over to the crew after the first take: "Do you know what he just whispered to me? That I have long hairs growing out of MY nose?!" Talk about a guy who knows how to put a woman in the mood! Unsurprisingly, that take was a bust, so the director made them do it again. And again.
On the third take, Brando seemed to have realized that name-calling wasn't working. He wanted to draw blood—literally.
35. He Drew BloodFile:Clark Gable 1937 crop.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
If Sophia Loren thought that Clark Gable leaving early was bad, she had no idea what she was in for with Marlon Brando. He'd insulted her, groped her, and commented on her appearance. There was only one move left: On their third and final kiss, Brando clamped down. He bit Loren's lip so hard that she started bleeding.
No surprise that the two of them never worked together again...but even then, I think Brando wasn't even the most disturbing co-star she worked with. That award goes to Peter Sellers.
36. Peter Sellers HAD To Meet Her
When Sophia Loren signed on to 1960s The Millionairess, the studio hadn't yet hired the male lead. They reached out to iconic British comedian Peter Sellers, but he wasn't at all interested—that is, until he learned that Sophia Loren was involved. That was all he needed to hear. As he put it, "I don't normally act with romantic, glamorous women," so he leaped at the chance to act with Loren.
Still barely 25, Loren was likely happy to learn that such a big star wanted to be in a movie with her. She had no clue what she was in for.
37. He Went From Charming To Creepy
Loren and Sellers got along famously while filming The Millionairess, but Loren assumed their relationship was completely platonic. She was dead wrong. Sellers grew more and more obsessed with her as the days passed. Eventually, he couldn't take it any longer. On a night out with both Loren and his wife, he pronounced his undying love for her in front of everyone.
This couldn't end well...
38. He Brought His Kids Into It...
Sophia Loren had no romantic designs on Peter Sellers, and spent their entire time working together fending off his advances—but none of that slowed Sellers down at all. One night, he even woke his young son just to ask, "Do you think I should divorce your mummy?" That's a scarring question to ask any child, but Loren didn't even want to be with him!
39. No One Knows The Truth
To this day, the true details about what when on between Sophia Loren and Peter Sellers are a mystery. Some of Sellers' friends, like comedian Spike Milligan, assert that the pair had a physical relationship. Others say they were nothing more than close friends. Not even Sellers' wife ever found out the truth, commenting, "I don't know to this day whether he had an affair with her. Nobody does."
For her part, Loren has always claimed that nothing ever happened between her and Peter Sellers, though she continued to fight off his advances for years. Her and Cary Grant, though? Well, that's a little more complicated.
40. Cary Grant Was Bad At FlirtingFile:Grant, Cary (Suspicion) 01 Crisco edit.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org
Sophia Loren first met Cary Grant at that Hollywood party with Frank Sinatra, but his first impression was almost as bad as Brando's. First of all, he showed up two hours later. Loren had been anxious to meet him, but by the time he showed up, she was checking her watch. He approached her, only for the first words out of his mouth to be about how Italians all of strange names.
Loren had envisioned the charming Cary Grant of the screen, not this unpunctual oaf. But first impressions aren't everything—soon, Grant would have her questioning everything she knew.
41. They Met At The Right Time
Sophia Loren met Cary Grant at a strange time in both of their lives. Grant was currently trapped in a miserable third marriage. Loren, meanwhile, still loved Carlo Ponti, but the legal mess surrounding their marriage left their future in limbo. Maybe Ponti could never give Loren the "legitimate family" that she dreamed of. And Cary Grant? Well...he was Cary Grant.
42. He Opened Up To Her
Loren and Grant first starred together in 1957's The Pride and the Passion. Despite their rocky first meeting, the more time they spent together, the more they became infatuated with each other. Grant opened up to Loren in a way that she never expected. He even revealed to her his darkest secret...
43. He Revealed His Secret Pain
Hollywood stars have to keep some secrets if they want any kind of normal life—but Grant felt safe sharing his secrets with Sophia Loren. He revealed that his father had put his mother in an insane asylum, then lied to the family and claimed she was dead. Loren couldn't believe her luck. Not only was she spending her time with Cary Grant, but he was open and vulnerable with her in a way that she'd never experienced before.
It was like a fairy tale—but unfortunately, this fairy tale didn't get a happy ending.
44. Grant Wanted To Replace His Wife
Cary Grant's wife at the time, Betsy Drake, was a screenwriter, and she'd written a movie for her to star in with her husband: Houseboat. Maybe she thought working together would save their marriage? Well, Grant wasn't on board for that plan. He insisted the studio rewrite Drake's part...so that his new sidepiece Sophia Loren could take the role.
It was a pretty scummy move—and wouldn't you know it, it backfired horribly.
45. He Popped The QuestionFile:Grant Loren Houseboat Publicity Photo.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
Sophia Loren was still only 22 years old when her affair with Grant began. She was in love with Carlo Ponti, but her future with him seemed in doubt. Meanwhile, Cary Grant was 52 and already on his third marriage. Then, Grant just had to go and make things even more complicated. One night, a solemn Grant invited her out to dinner. As they ate, he suddenly looked at her and said, "Will you marry me?"
Now things were going to get really messy.
46. He Surprised Her
Loren gave Grant the only answer she could: "I don't know." Choosing between her two men wasn't going to be that simple. The next day, she flew to Greece to film a movie. When she arrived, she found a surprise waiting for her: a bouquet of roses and a pale blue note with the words, "With only happy thoughts" written on it.
The letter inside was heartbreaking.
47. He Prayed For Her
Cary Grant could always...come on a little strong. During his courtship with Loren, he was a fan of grand romantic gestures like sending hundreds of flowers to her room. This time, there was just a single bouquet and a note that read, "Forgive me, dear girl—I press you too much. Pray—and I will do the same. Until next week. Goodbye Sophia, Cary."
Now, Sophia Loren had a serious decision to make.
48. She Found Her Prince Charming
Loren had to admit that Cary Grant was the complete package. Sure, he was a Hollywood movie star, but he was so much more than that. She called him, "wonderful," "charming," "handsome," and "very romantic." He constantly showered her with gifts, flowers, and professions of his love. And he wanted her to be his wife. Perhaps he could give her the legitimate family she'd always dreamed of?
But of course, it wasn't that simple. There was a dark side to choosing Cary Grant, as well.
49. She Knew There Would Be Consequences
It wasn't like Loren was choosing between Grant and some deadbeat. She still had Ponti, who loved her and supported her—and he was Italian. Plus, there was the optics. Both Loren and Grant were married when they got together, and Loren had seen firsthand who the press treated women of divorce. She had watched as the tabloids had eviscerated Ingrid Bergman for divorcing her husband.
Could she risk that herself to be with Grant?
50. She Made Her ChoiceSophia Loren | Sophia Loren | Insomnia Cured Here | Flickrwww.flickr.com
In the end, Loren knew in her heart which choice she had to make: "Carlo was Italian; he belonged to my world... I know it was the right thing to do, for me." Once the legality of their marriage was sorted out, they would remain happily together until Ponti's passing in 2007. But Loren couldn't enjoy her happily-ever-after just yet—she still had to see Grant every single day.
51. They Still Had To See Each Other
Remember how Cary Grant had the female lead in Houseboat rewritten for Loren? Well, now it was time to reap what he sowed. Loren broke off their relationship and stayed with Ponti, making things painfully awkward on set. Grant still held out hope that one day, Loren would change her mind and come back to him—but that day never came.
Loren and Ponti officially married—for real, this time—in 1966. But at least some stories have happy endings: Grant and Loren remained close friends, and Grant even sent his congratulations when Loren and Ponti had children.
52. She Became An Icon
As the years passed, Sophia Loren's star grew. At first, she was an exciting new actress. Then, she was a movie star and a sex symbol. By the 1980s, she transcended again: this time, to icon status. She released the first of many biographies. She turned her life story into a biopic, where she played both herself and her mother. Loren even launched her own perfume—the first female celebrity to do it.
There's a reason Sophia Loren still holds a mystique about her that no other star, past or present, has matched. All her contemporaries have one big disadvantage: They're not Sophia Loren.
For some guys, their beard is everything.
Some guys keep their beards to hide some things.
Some keep their beards to catch some romance.
Sometimes it's a vice-versa situation, and they shave it off because of the upkeep.
Or... you can look like a mountain man who hasn't seen another human in a decade.
It all depends on the look you're going for.
Redditor finn-burner wanted to hear from all the gents out there with facial hair, so they asked:
"Why do you have a beard?"
My beard has started to come in gray.
So now it is banished.
Fresh faced is all I need.
Beauty TraitsBollywood Beard GIF by Hrithik RoshanGiphy
"Because I want to be 60% ugly instead of 100%."
"Came here to joke that I won't open the door. This is it, tho. My chin rivals that of both Bruce Campbell and the Tick. With a beard, I look like Santa that hit the gym."
"I shaved last a bit over a year ago for my brother's wedding, no maintenance since. Yes, it looks like crap but I also don't care anymore."
"It's an easy thing to care for. All you need is a good brush (use a boar hair brush, not a cheap plastic one.) and some beard oil. There are other products like wax and balm, but really just a good brush and some oil is all you need for a soft, classy-looking beard. I've been growing for 6 years, nothing but compliments. And when it gets long enough, you can braid it or put it in tons of different styles with twists and braids."
"It gives me something to stroke when I'm thinking."
"I once got to stroke a friend's beard while he stroked mine, it was an experience."
"The beard is where a man's wisdom is stored. Stroke it to unlock deeper thoughts."
"Thanks for making me remember my long-forgotten habit. Now, I'm starting to constantly stroke my beard."
"I don’t have a strong chin. Plus, it’s starting to get these long white hairs as I age so it makes me feel regal."
"My wife hates my chin, says it looks like a butt. In our 12 years together she's probably only seen it clearly for a month or so, I've usually had a goatee or beard. But on our son I guess it's cute, go figure."
"I went clean-shaven on our 2nd or 3rd date. She told me to not do that again. Coming up on 4 years of marriage and I'm afraid to see my chin at this point."
Oval Featuresthumb cooking GIF by Disney PixarGiphy
"Because I'm bald and I don't want to look like a thumb."
Not TodayKevin James Eating GIF by TV LandGiphy
"Same, definitely. I always said I'd never have a beard... Then I realized I'd have to shave all the time and was like nope, not today razor!"
"Because the last time I shaved it all off my friends followed me around shouting 'I'M A REAL BOY' like Pinnochio. For real though, I was told I looked good with it and at this stage, I'd look weird without it."
"This. I’m 35. I have a jawline and good skin. If I shave, I get carded at bars. I don’t need to be looking half my age."
"I tried to grow a goatee when I was 17. My friend said I looked like a 40-year-old Baptist preacher who had 17 kids and lived in a log cabin. 2 years later during COVID-19 I grew a full beard and he gave his seal of approval."
"Hides my now round face a bit better."
I had a beard for the last 10 years and shaved it off recently to find that I now have a double chin. Promptly grew it back."
"I've never had a chiseled look, but when I see pics of myself in my twenties, my face looked a lot more... angular. I'm not that guy anymore. the beard gives me some definition."
"I grow more hair than Gandalf. If not controlled, it becomes wild. Come COVID, I stopped caring about keeping it perfectly trim. Now it flows, like a beautiful waterfall."
"I tried growing my beard long during the peak of COVID when nobody was going anywhere, and I learned it doesn't grow long, it grows out. Bushy and terrible, not a beautiful waterfall but a mess. Well, at least I know now."
"Because at 18 I spent 4 years in the Marines then got into security when I got out. I'm 39 now and from 18 till about 33 I wasn't allowed by my job to grow one. Then I started working in house security at a hospital and they allowed it. Plus I look way better with a beard lol."
"Even the wife likes it now (she was on the fence when I first grew it out). That being said I have considered shaving it lol. Purely for the fact that I have a 4-year-old with autism and she isn't a fan of the long beard when she gives me a kiss. So the compromise is I keep it pretty short lol."
Simplicityhipster beard GIFGiphy
"I have a crazy babyface if I get anywhere close to overweight. My beard is man make-up."
"It really is that simple for some of us."
A little scruff on the right guy can make the perfect '10.'
Scruff isn't for everyone but when it works, it WORKS!
We've all had our fair share of embarrassing moments, and we can all agree how embarrassing it is for someone to point out that we have something in our teeth or that our hair is messed up.
But nothing feels more embarrassing than arriving at home, realizing the embarrassing look we're sporting, and wondering how many people saw us looking like that.
Redditor flipping100 asked:
"What is the worst way to tell someone their zipper is open?"
Way Too Much Attention
"'Attention, Walmart Shoppers: The guy on Aisle nine. Dude, tuck that in and zip up!'"
Corporate Email Potential
"CC (Carbon Copy) the company email all list."
"BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) for extra confusion. 'Your fly is down.'"
"Stare straight at their crotch and yell, 'I'VE GOT MY EYES ON THE PRIZE!'"
A Fashion Statement
"Me: *Unzips zipper*"
"Guy with zipper down: 'What the f**k are you doing?'"
"Me: 'Just following your fashion...'"
Not a Concern in the World
"Tell them, 'Your garage door is open.'"
"Thoroughly Texan story ahead:"
"When I worked at my small-town Dairy Queen, there was the usual table of old men who came in daily for coffee and talk."
"One day, a regular shuffled in with his zipper down. So I called him straight over before he went to say hellos and whispered to him, 'Sir, your barn door is open,' while discreetly pointing down."
"He laughed real loud and said, 'Don't worry, honey. That old mule ain't gonna hurt nobody.'"
"Best regular ever."
'Friends' References for Days
"'SIR, THIS IS A FAMILY PLACE. PUT THE MOUSE BACK IN THE HOUSE.' - Gunther."
"Tell them their zipper's open after a while of staring down there, and then maintain eye contact after they zip up."
The Dramatic Acting Approach
"Point at the pants and shout, 'The Gates are open, noooo!' and run away."
Definitely Not Her Phone Number
"Be me, an oblivious woman in her 20s."
"A guy and his girlfriend walked by me, and the guy had his fly open. I didn't want to embarrass him by saying it out loud, so I wrote down, 'Your fly is open,' on a piece of paper, folded it in half, and handed it to the guy."
"The girl gave me the stink eye, and I suddenly realized that it looked like I was giving him my number right in front of her!"
"The joke's on her, I am a lesbian."
"Just tell them, 'Your zipper was open yesterday.'"
The Voice of Concern
"Look concerned, and ask them, 'Is your zipper afraid of heights?'"
For the Visible Double-O and Seven
"Creep around like a secret agent and say to your watch, 'The carrot has left the salad.'"
"Then yell, 'I REPEAT, 'THE CARROT HAS LEFT THE SALAD.'"
"It happened to my science teacher in high school. We kept on laughing, and it escalated to laughing and pointing. He finally noticed and left the class to fix it. Sorry, dude."
...Yeah, That Would Do It.
"We were on an elevator. The only other person than us on there was an older man."
"As it opened for his floor, he turned to my friend, gently caressed my friend's stomach, and softly said, 'Your fly is open.'"
"That, don't do that."
We can all agree that these would be absolutely terrible ways to let someone know of an already mildly embarrassing situation they've found themselves in.
Can we all just agree to discreetly pull people aside, or whisper to them in a way that isn't intimate, to tell them this from now on?
We were all taught as kids that we needed to decide what we wanted to do with our lives as early as possible, but how could a kid possibly know what would be the best match for them from a young age, other than what sounds the most fun?
Perhaps not surprisingly, some people choose totally the wrong career, and they may wind up being wildly unqualified for the job, either because of their education or because of the natural skill set they bring to the field.
Redditor Pesci_Avocado asked:
"What industry attracts the wrong people who actually aren't qualified?"
"Want to be the head of all healthcare in the country? How about the head of all strategic defense policies?"
"Great! All you need is a rich and well-connected daddy, some private schooling, a law degree and JD from Harvard, and many years of experience being silver-tongued and sucking up to the right guy. Make sure you get a whitened smile, for the photos."
"Once that is done, you're the perfect person to tell senior doctors and military generals what to do."
Board of Education
"Not exactly a job, but any board of education."
"They have no idea what goes on in the classroom, let alone the offices of a whole district of schools, but they literally make every decision."
Caring for the Elderly
"Elder care (cries)."
"My town has one place that pays 11 dollars per hour... and they don't do drug screening. It's filled with some of the worst people I've ever met, staff-wise."
"They are often business-oriented people with little to no experience in the health field. So they have no idea what those on the front line actually do. For them, it's all about profitability."
"Hotel Management... believe me, I know."
"I took an interview as a maintenance manager for a Hilton. I asked to view their facilities (for work) and their tool shop was a closet with a husky toolbox."
"I was bitter after not getting hired (despite going to school for marine engineering, I basically keep ships and their systems afloat), but that would've sucked."
"I asked what preventative maintenance schedules they had and she didn't know what that meant. God save that building."
"Stockbrokers. I have some friends who are stockbrokers. I love them, but man, they are some bulls**t artists."
"And not like, 'Oh, they're a good salesman, and could sell you anything,' No, it's like they make s**t up as they go along and try to sound confident in what they say."
"Acting. Just like anything else, acting is a craft and it takes training, practice, and experience to get good at it."
"But people think it's something you can just... do... with no qualifications. The worst part is because of the weird way acting works, some of those people do end up getting work."
"As a young (degree certified) actress who is now seeing auditions for commercials and brands and even some lower budget TV shows require large Instagram and Tiktok followings, thank you."
"It seems like even the casting directors have started forgetting just how much work needs to be put forth in order for a great performance to happen. It’s not simply saying lines and looking pretty, although that’s all the majority of actors on streaming network shows do right now, so maybe my point of view is outdated."
"IT. The demand for people and decent salaries, along with low barriers of entry, mean that all sorts of charlatans get into that industry."
"And don't get me started on the lies and qualification/CV fraud from a certain country."
Disability Support Services
"Disability support work."
"For real. I briefly worked for a firm that did this, they'd hire anyone with a pulse, and even that I'm not sure was mandatory."
"I had the displeasure of watching one of them trying to complete an e-learning course. Seeing them get the simplest questions wrong was like that scene out of Idiocracy with the shape into hole test."
"Professional photography. No, Susan, your Instagram photos of cats and sunsets do not qualify you to do professional studio work. It takes a h**l of a lot of practice and learning to do that properly."
"Many people decide to go into vet-med because they 'love animals'. That's not enough."
"You have to be able to deal with people, because you're going to be treating the pet AND educating the owner, you have to be able to multi-multi-multi-task, deal with gross/sad/terrifying/depressing/angry/stinky animals and people, all while holding your bladder for hours, starving, getting yelled at by clients, answering the phone, writing in charts and trying not to forget all the stuff that need to write down, order, put away, clean..."
"It's not just 'playing with puppies and kittens all day.' Yes, I've been told that I was lucky to have that job because that must be what I did."
"It attracts bullies who claim to want to help people but most of them don't care and, worse, they don't have the right mentality. Of course, the job doesn't help. But the ones who end up hired are the ones who love using force on people are have a sadistic nature. They love causing problems for people."
"This is one of the things that has generated so much hatred for the police. They need better training and the correct attitude."
"Honestly... a lot of the time... nurses. I've met so many nurses that are just unnecessarily mean and grumpy and can't do their job properly."
"My mom is a nurse, and she swears up and down that it's a job you are compelled to do."
"So many do it because it's supposedly the highest paying 'girl' job, but few can actually handle the stress that comes with it."
"Handymen. Usually, it‘s people with zero actual training who think because they once built a deck with their friend that they are qualified to fix anything."
"Community management and Human Resources. How are people that don't give two a**es about others think they're capable of managing others?"
"Because their job is to extract labor or profit from employees or tenants. While saving their company as much money as possible. Neither or them are there to solve problems for you, they solve the problem (you) for the company."
It's honestly to see how many jobs that are often held in high esteem attract such misaligned people. No matter what the income might look like, it would be really refreshing if people went after the jobs they'd actually be good at, and people would be more capable of working together and making a difference that way.