Office workers of Reddit were asked: "What's your best office story?" These are some of the best answers.
1/23 You know those protein shakers? If left uncleaned for some time it stinks like 15 year old farts and rotten eggs if you open it up inside an office landscape. Our cleaning lady did not know that, and we had to evacuate two floors of the building.
2/23 I tied all the cables of a guys computer together under his desk with a zap strap (monitors, mouse, keyboard, phone, etc.) I then hooked that bundle of cables to the lever under his chair that controlled the up/down position and turned the chair so it was at a 90 degree angle.
He came back to his desk after lunch and sat down. Grabbed a hold of his desk like he normally does to turn is his chair and spun to face his computer. His ENTIRE desk was pulled into the rear corner of his cubical. It made a lot of noise, but not as much as he did swearing.
3/23 I have one. We have an agent, let's call him "Joe". Joe is about 60 and the PERFECT employee. Never misses work, perfect stats, honest, customers love him and always give him praise, volunteers for overtime and absolutely everybody loves him. I use his calls as examples in my training class. He has been offered NUMEROUS management positions but he is perfectly content sitting at home, fixing customers problems, making them happy and making our company money. He is an absolute machine.
2 years ago his wife and his 40th wedding anniversary was coming up and I had a business trip to Ohio for a new system training. Joe was told he had to come with me to learn. He pleaded he couldn't because he would miss his wedding anniversary(Plus it was odd because agents NEVER go on trips) and my manager said sternly "Do it Joe, you don't have a choice". Joe of course went home and packed and got ready to leave a few days later. His wife said she was going to stay with her sisters while he was gone and left the night before. Our company car picked me up for the airport and we headed to Joe's. He was pretty upset and depressed but tried to be upbeat. We went to dinner and stalled for a few hours (for good reason) and when we got to the airport we boarded out plane and headed to Houston (for a switch). We got to Houston and we walked up to the Miami gate and I said "There's your plane". He looked at me and I pointed over to his wife standing at the gate.
My boss had arranged to send them to Miami for a week and then on a cruise to Jamaica for their anniversary WITH my bosses company credit card for expenses. The first thing out of his mouth was "OMG I DIDN'T PACK FOR THAT" but of course we had his wife take care of that when we sent her out on an earlier flight. He started crying right there in the airport and hugged me. I handed him the credit card, went over and gave his wife a hug and told her she owed me some apple cookies (so bomb) and headed to my plane for Ohio. Went to Ohio and....yeah...Ohio.
4/23 So I did the old screenshot the desktop, hide desktop icons, and save the screenshot as the new desktop background. To three different computers, two of which were shared between 5-10 people. Now the problem was, I called in sick, with food poisoning the next day.
Utter chaos broke out. No one could open any programs. IT had to get involved and it apparently took them a few hours to figure out what had happened. No one ever knew it was me, and I had planned on, you know, taking the credit and winning that stage of the prank war, but no.... I played dumb and bit my tongue.
5/23 I worked with a guy we called "Irish Jeff". We are on a sales team, and he will call customers and start singing "Oh Danny Boy" while the phone rings. When the customer answers and asks if he was singing, he will say "Well, I am Irish!" He will then talk to them for 45 minutes about his Irish heritage and the names of the boats that originally brought people over from Ireland without letting them off the phone. He doesn't really ever talk about anything he's supposed to be selling. He was born and raised in Texas.
6/23 A guy at my office had a fishing rod along the ceiling [with the] the hook positioned over a guy (who we'll call Dave)'s head. Every so often he dropped the hook (which has a little weight) onto Daves head and then quickly pulled the cord so the hook is back up to the ceiling and isnt visible. This was going on months and the guy who was being pranked didnt have a clue. He went to the doctor for tests because it felt like a throb to his head so he worried something was really wrong. When we told him what was happening he couldnt stop laughing at himself.
Dave's revenge was pretty sweet, he had sex with the pranker's sister.
7/23 We've had a couple of good prank wars over the years. Best thing that comes to mind quickly is when we changed a guys phone autocorrect to replace "." with "?"
He was very confused for days.
8/23 We had a Phil Collins day to f*ck with a co-worker that professed to hating Genesis. Months after revealing their hatred, the president of the company had the IT department stay after everyone left to absolutely cover this person's desk in Phil's face and I heart Phil signs in celebration of Phil Collin's birthday. It was practically a holiday, and very little work was accomplished as a result. Pretty much the best day at the office, ever.
9/23 Came in to work (I was the early manager) and before I get to my desk my phone is ringing. Answer it and its an employee, all he says is "I have to go, I'm bleeding from my a**." Stunned I say "Ya, you should leave." I walk to his cube and find a blood soaked chair with bloody napkins all over it. I ask if he wants to call 911 or something and he says, "No I am driving myself". Call maintenance and have to explain to them and upper management how all this blood appeared. Guy ended up OK and came back to work couple days later, never asked what the hell the issue was.
10/23 Ten minutes into the company meeting someone's phone went off playing bagpipe music. But as it got louder we realized it was an actual set of bagpipes playing outside. Before we knew it, the guy marches into the conference room blasting away that one Scottish song (don't know what it's called, but you know the one I mean). After he finished playing, the speaker, who had been playing dumb until now, announced that we had just acquired a small company in Scotland. Best announcement ever.
11/23 While I was working for State Farm in Florida, I was in an office with 4 women & one other guy. One serendipitous day all of the ladies were all scheduled to be out of the office for various reasons, and me and the other guy were left alone. We invented "Man Day" that day.
There were no appointments on the books for that day, everyone had scheduled light knowing it was just he & I alone. We went to the gas station across the streed & got a 6 pack of craft beer, put on some netflix & watched guy movies on his laptop for a few hours. After that we found a giant stash of old fluorescent lights that didn't work anymore in an old storage closet. We went into the back lot & had light saber wars until they were all gone. We smoked a doobie & did cookies in the dirt lot out back in my old Toyota pick up truck.
Toward the end of the day we ordered Chinese delivery & had the driver bring us a 6 pack. (we used to order delivery Chinese at least 2x per week, they knew us) When the delivery guy got there we gave him a big tip & a beer & the other guy & I drank beer & closed up with Chinese.
Maybe not the craziest story... but it was easily the best day I've ever had in the office. The other guy & I email once in a while now. We always fondly remember "Man Day" when we do.
12/23 A girl I worked with (married) was f*cking the boss (also married). They stayed after hours for weeks to do their thing in his office. For some reason, she opened up to me about this even though we weren't friends, and she included the fact that he prematurely ejaculates. So, anytime he's being a dick I just picture that and feel better.
13/23 This was at my last job, a call center, on national donut day at Krispy Kreme.
Girl A had gotten a box of donuts and was on a call with a customer. Girl B comes up and takes one out of the box. Girl A mutes her phone and says, "B*tch, you better be joking. Don't touch my donuts." Girl B turns around and walks away with the donut. Girl A hangs up on her customer and full-on assaults Girl B. An epic brawl breaks out right in the middle of the call floor and they even crash through the giant partition that separates our call center from another company's which is actually all in the same giant room. At some point a knife tumbles out of one of their purses (no one actually pulled it or tried to use it, but it did fall out.)
Management has everyone end their calls and clears the floor out. Cops are called and both girls are escorted out, never to be seen there again. Because donuts.
14/23 My current office building was once a funeral home that had sat vacant for a number of years after the previous owner shot himself in the apartment upstairs.
When we first moved into the office, there was a wall panel that was accidentally knocked out in the basement. There were about 30 people worth of ashes hidden in the wall.
15/23 I work with my best friend at a large and stuffy office. So I send him horrible and ridiculous things in the mail, addressed to him, at our office. My favorite thus far was when he opened, in front of group of coworkers, a translucent peach colored dildo I had found online (it was on sale for $20).
16/23 An ex-colleague was always walking around the office with a fanny pack (a.k.a. waist bag, moon bag) on. He was a bit of a weirdo and a loner, so we just assumed that he kept his wallet and/or car keys in there. (There had been a couple of office thefts.)
What we didn't know, is that he kept a loaded .38 special revolver in there, to ward off any would-be car hijackers on the way to work. (It's a thing in our country ...) Once at work, he realized he couldn't just leave the revolver in the car or in a desk drawer, so he decided to hide it away in the fanny pack.
One day, he went to the toilet, and took off the fanny pack before he could undo his trousers. He placed the fanny pack on the toilet roll holder attached to the wall. Once he did everything he needed to do, he got up, but in the process bumped into the toilet roll holder, and so the fanny pack (including said revolver) fell onto the floor and a shot went off - shattering the porcelain toilet.
The contents to the toilet and shattered remains of the porcelain toilet bowl were all over the floor, and he had to go explain all of this to the powers-that-be. He resigned shortly thereafter - can't remember if this was voluntary, or induced, and left the country a while later. To this day we refer to him as the "big white toilet hunter".
17/23 We had a general office questionnaire one day, questions like "do you like your job", "do you feel listened to" or "have you been sexually harassed at work".
One person filled in 'yes' to that last question. Massive panic within the company followed. Protocols were set up, meetings held, experts hired and our team managers took each and every one of us separate and asked us, with concern and kindness in their eyes "Was it you, did anyone hurt you?"
It was John. He and Fred were good friends and always slapping each other on the butt or poking each other in the side, especially when on the phone with a customer. He'd filled in 'yes' for a laugh because technically, he was slapped on the a**. He got to explain that to the company president and was sacked shortly after.
18/23 I work at factory back office watching over incoming/outgoing materials, and general material management. We had a shipping container come in from the States , transporting several big bags of a sugar/milk powder mixture. We crack open the container and much to our surprise we find a cat...
Bear in mind this container spent a solid week or two at sea... The cat was alive, apparently it survived of eating the powder.
19/23 We call her "The Runner".
Call center rep was going to be fired for refunding fees that had never been charged. She was essentially just giving away money because she couldn't figure anything out. About halfway to the conference room, she figures out what's happening. As such, she comes to a dead stop and refuses to keep going. She keeps asking her manager " Johnny, are you going to fire me?". Of course he can't confirm since she's still in the middle of the floor, so he tells her he just wants to be able to have a conversation in private. She keeps asking and he keeps not answering. Eventually she just turns around and takes off for her desk. Johnny is standing there for about 10 seconds trying to decide between going after her, or continuing to the conference room where his boss is waiting for them. He finally decides on the conference room.
Johnny is a pretty large guy and his boss is a chain smoker. After the boss knows what happened, they take off running over to her desk and the other reps tell them that she left. So they then sprint down to the parking lot. Just as they get to the doors, they see her car pulling onto the street. They hung out for about 5 minutes to catch their breath.
When they got back, Johnny called corporate HR and they let him know that the rep had already called Aetna to file for a leave of absence. She got fired anyway...
20/23 My co-worker was out of town for an office pancake breakfast. In her absence, we decided to make her up a breakfast plate. We ended up making a vitruvian man made of sausages on a royal chinet plate and hiding it in her office. She found it, and then the Vitruvian man began to travel office to office. It was sealed with tape, but that didn't stop it from starting to go mouldy.
The Vitruvian man was hidden in desk drawers, under paper piles, behind coats. I knew it was my turn for the Vitruvian man to end up in my office but when I got in, I couldn't find it anywhere. Later in the day, one of our VP's came in to meet with me about a serious matter. He asks me a question, and in thinking of my response, I look up. There on the ceiling, mission impossible style, is a mouldy man made of sausages with it's taped on smiley face looking down at me. I awkwardly carried on the conversation with the VP through random laughter which didn't make sense to him. I had to throw out the plate after that. In total, we had it moving around the office for about a month.
21/23 I swear to god this is true. I worked in a staffing company as a recruiter. One of the sales guy always bragged about his martial art skills. One afternoon one of the female recruiters called bullsh*t on him. They were right outside my cubicle. He says something to the effect of "Don't believe me? I will kick my foot over your head right now! Star here. Just like this." He positions her and the gets in a karate squat (don't know how else to describe it) and goes for it without any stretching, practice or anything. He rotates and kicks his foot way up! Just high enough to make solid contact with her right temple with a solid thud. She staggers a bit dazed and he runs and hides in his cube. I couldn't believe what I just saw. It happened so quick. It was insane.
22/23 Summer of 2013, I'm interning at a pharmaceutical/biotech company and was meeting the team; there was this particular guy (white guy mid 40s) on the team who I had lunch with on a daily basis. We talked about what I was studying in school at the time, and how I wanted to travel the world for a bit after graduation, instead of just going straight to 9-5 office life. He got deeply depressed when I said so, and started saying he's been doing this "9-5" thing for 20 years straight (he's like 45), and what I said to him really made him wake up......in my head I'm like, "Ooh....this isn't going to be good"
Fast forward 2 days later, I'm finishing up training modules assigned to me, and all of a sudden, one of the HR ladies walks over to my Manager's cube and explains that he quit (no 2 weeks notice), and my manager bolts up and yells in disbelief "HE WHAT? PLEASE REPEAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID. HE WENT TO TAIWAN TO.....FIND....HIMSELF?".
I'm trying to connect the dots to see if I, the lowly intern, really said some things to stir up an employee to quit his job and travel the world. I didn't tell my manager the conversation I had with him. But I did tell one of the girls that I worked with, and that's when I started my journey of an office fling; but that's a story for another day.
23/23 Y'know those compressed air canisters you get for cleaning keyboards? We had a few of those lying around the office ... One day the office clown thought it'd be a genius idea to take a lighter to one. Not entirely sure what went through his head when he sprayed it through a lighter in a bay full of desks and colleagues. Fortunately nobody was hurt, he however was suspended on the spot and ultimately sacked.