2/32 Girls, if you have sex with a guy for the first time and fake it, it will never ever change.
3/32 Never, ever, in a fight with your S/O, EVER use something they've told you in confidence OR their biggest vulnerability against them in a fight. EVER.
It is a nuke. It can not be undone. It will erode the trust in your relationship by the first breath after being said, even if it doesn't kill the relationship instantly.
4/32 This one was difficult for me to learn, and painful to have to undo the damage: Bills.
If you receive a bill, open it right away, look at it, have an idea of what you owe, and then pay it at a set time every month (or right away).
NEVER let bills go unopened. I know I'm not the only one who ever did this, but I knew I was broke 'right now' so I let the bills pile up without looking at them. That earned me some late fees and put me in collections a couple times. Meanwhile I was going to see movies or buying drinks etc. It literally took 7 years to finally get the collections off my credit report.
5/32 Interruptions are a part of conversation, but if more of your sentences end with interruptions than periods, there might be a serious problem.
Also, in the other direction, try not to interrupt. Listen.
6/32 In terms of a relationship, criticism. Too many people don't know the difference between airing your grievances in a healthy way and being critical in a negative sense.
For example, "I would appreciate it if we could trade off nights on who does the cooking," or "I think that shirt might be better for another occasion," are fair criticisms. Saying "You never cook, I'm not your mother," or "You don't even try to dress up, you look sloppy!" is not productive and creates resentment. Good criticism always presents a solution or an opportunity to compromise. Bad criticism belittles the other person and shuts them down.
No one likes thinking the person they love thinks very little of them. It hurts and destroys people's self-esteem, and that's hard to get back once it's gone.
7/32 If someone wants to break up with you - let them.
8/32 If you find yourself always having to make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family, it's a warning that your partner is probably no good for you.
9/32 It's not really a warning sign, but make sure you maintain hobbies and friends outside of a relationship. The warning sign would be if your significant other is trying to isolate you from these things.
10/32 If you feel unhappy because you are being stretched too thin and have no time for yourself, that's a sign that you need to practice saying "no" to things.
11/32 Young girls - if he is a [jerk] to everyone except you. You are not a special butterfly that can bring out the good in him. It just hasn't been your turn yet. Wait.
12/32 If your managers' managers ask you to account for how you spend all your time, or list all the tasks you do in your job, they are probably looking to restructure your department and there will likely be layoffs. Get your resume together and start looking immediately.
13/32 Boredom at your job is a big red flag that you shouldn't ignore. Don't buy into the common saying that "everyone hates their job" or "your job isn't supposed to be fun." That's hogwash. Your job won't be fun all the time, this is true. You will have times where you will do grunt work and tedious things that you wish someone else would do (and possibly can if you get high enough in a company).
My warning to you is if you feel bored and unhappy ALL the time. If there is nothing in the job that is fulfilling you might find that negativity spilling over into your work and that is something you don't want to have. Your work matters, customers depend on it even if you don't quite see it. So if it's not working out come up with a plan to make things better while at the same time not burning any bridges at your current job.
14/32 If your partner often accuses you of cheating, when you know you most certainly are not cheating, it just might be possible that your partner is cheating. If you try to ask your partner if they are cheating and they become instantly angry and make you feel bad for asking the question, it just might be possible that you partner is cheating on you. But the most important thing is not to waste your life trying to stay with the wrog person for you. It's okay to break up, if you've identified that you're not a good fit. Moving on hurts, but you owe it to your future self and your TRUE soulmate, who's out there somewhere, to keep looking. Hope that helps.
15/32 That moment when you decide to make just the minimum payment on your credit card. I didn't think it was a big deal at first, but it didn't take long for that nearly 30% interest to add up and the debt to become crushing.
16/32 When two dogs meet, if one puts his head over the other one's shoulder, it's likely that there's going to be a fight.
17/32 If you say 'No,' and their response is, 'You'd do it if you really loved me' -- WATCH OUT. That sort of emotional manipulation is usually a bad sign.
18/32 If you lose contact with good friends because they don't keep in touch with you or make the effort, chances are they're thinking the same of you.
19/32 If the first thing you find yourself doing at a party is grabbing a drink as soon as you can, before even really saying hi to friends, or if you start to feel anxious when you're socializing with friends and there's no alcohol (or no drink in your hand yet) you might want to take a look at your relationship with the booze.
20/32 If you go on an interview, and something just does not "feel" right, listen to your gut. Don't chalk it up to your own nerves. You are picking up on something that is probably a problem with the job/company, but can't fully articulate what it is.
21/32 If your company suddenly gets really excited about "cross-training" people, and asks you to do an abnormal amount of "tidying up your workspace" there are about to be layoffs.
22/32 The hardest lesson I've learned in life is how to recognize that a relationship is failing and let it go.
There are a number of warning signs that I missed. We didn't laugh as much when we hung out. We didn't spend as much time together. We fought...a lot. She seemed to care a lot less about the things I thought were important, and frankly I probably stopped caring too much about the priorities in her life.
All of this seems incredibly obvious in hindsight, but at the time it was all mixed up with a lot of really complicated emotions. We had been together for over 4 years at that point. Due to the circumstances of our relationship, I had to make a lot of sacrifices at the beginning stages that I felt on some level I was "owed" to be emotionally reimbursed for (yes, I realize this is another huge red flag).
One of the worst things you can do is carry on in a relationship with someone (romantic or even just a friendship) when it's not working. Ultimately, believe me, both parties will be happier without the relationship dragging both people down.
23/32 I will say that once you start finding yourself say "yes" when you want to say "no," get used to a life without getting your needs met.
24/32 Getting into the negativity habit. It's always someone else's fault. Blaming others for any little thing that goes wrong. Eventually you start to look for opportunities to be offended and proven right. To the point where someone does something nice for you and you ruin it by trying to figure out their angle.
Yes, some people will screw you over and some are rude and will take advantage of you. But most people are just neutral trying to live their life and a lot of people are terrific. Now if someone is rude, I just think, they must be having a bad day and let it go.
25/32 Contracts... If a contract is confusing, doesnt make sense and is difficult to understand, theres a reason for that. You're not supposed to understand it, they want you to sign it on faith. Dont do this. This was a major cause of the housing bubble. Balloon loans etc...
Do this instead. Cross out lines of the contact that dont make sense and initial them. Circle whole sections and note "I dont understand or agree with this" and initial it. If the person wanting the signature says that just means... and it doesnt sound bad verbally, you say: "Okay but you may not be around to explain that to someone in court, that needs to be in writing in the contract." They dont want to rewrite it, they just want you to sign so things run smooth. Many times they dont know whats in the contract themselves, they just want it signed and if you make your changes most likely theyll bury it in the file and forget about it while you remain legally safe. Also get a copy with your modifications. In most cases youll impress them.
26/32 Cigarettes. The enjoyment (if there is any) will only be in the initial phase and after that it's just a compulsive behaviour. I wasn't even enjoying it and spent thousands of dollars on [it]. Finally made me gasp for breath at times. 207 days since I quit after multiple attempts. Better you don't go through this struggle.
27/32 If you are getting older and you have what looks like a pimple that isn't going away, or anything new on your skin that doesn't look quite right, see a dermatologist.
Those small lesions don't hurt and you might not think they are that big of a deal. Go in. Basal cell skin cancer surgery can be extensive. We've also lost several friends to squamous cell skin cancer and melanoma.
Put sunscreen especially around your ears and neck. People forget those areas- it seems a trivial thing to do, day after day when you're younger, but future you will be so much better off.
28/32 In your personal life, if you start to feel really anxious or insecure with someone you're dating--treat it as a warning. With the caveat that you're not an immature/jealous person, those feelings can be a red flag that the person you're with isn't meeting your needs or that something else is amiss.
29/32 People don't really change that much, except in extreme circumstances. Don't hang around/marry/work for someone who's ok but has some personality issues you really don't like, because you think 'they might change' or 'with my help, they'll change.'
Go in with the mindset that 'this is the person, as they are and probably will always be.' If their flaws (sometimes, it's only one flaw, like abusive or aggressive behavior) currently outweigh their good qualities, it's best to drop that person now and not spend months or years or a lifetime in waiting misery.
30/32 This one is for young women. Never, ever let a man take care of you. Get an education, get your career rolling, and keep your job no matter what. If you allow yourself to become reliant on a man you set yourself up as feeling not only owned, but as owing. You're also less able to bolt when things go south. Always have that option of impending freedom.
31/32 If you ever find yourself in an existential, career related or love related (or any other kind of) crisis; only take advice from people who want you to succeed.
If you ever get two conflicting pieces of advice, don't bother figuring out who's "right". Instead apply the same thought: "Which one of these people want me to succeed?"
32/32 If you want to move up in your company, you have to let your boss know you're interested.
Don't be afraid to let your boss know you're interested in a higher position. However, don't demand or ask for it. Don't tell them you've been doing a good job and working hard. Just let them know you're interested in learning new skills and taking on more responsibility and don't want to stagnate.
This is especially true for retail/restaurant work. The reason the other bus boy got trained to be a server or bartender and you didn't is because he let the bosses know he wanted to move up.
There are few things more annoying than when you are seeking advice and someone responds with a boring platitude that helps no one. Believe it or not, if you choose to provide advice, it needs to be specific to the situation and shouldn't be dressed up in trite phrasing. Does saying, "Keep your head up" actually contribute anything if that's all you have to say when someone comes to you in search of a listening ear?
But this goes deeper than just advice, to be fair. Some of us are sick of greedy corporations that stress the importance of being a "family" while refusing to pay proper wages. Still more of us are tired of people using certain language when other language can suffice.
After Redditor BensReddits asked the online community, "What is a phrase you absolutely hate hearing?" people shared their stories.
"At any sort of conference..."
At any sort of conference/gathering/presentation:
"How're you all doing today?!? C'mon, I know you can answer louder than that! HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING TODAY?!"
Instant resentment every time.
I second that resentment.
I attended a conference once where the main speaker did this several times in the span of thirty minutes as he announced different initiatives.
Such a headache.
"At my work..."
At my work upper management has started using the word "activate" a lot. As in, "We are working on plans to activate underutilized spaces." And, "Let's activate a few other teams on this." It just sounds silly to me and like they are trying too hard to avoid using simple, perfectly adequate language.
I'll take your "activate" and give you...
What is wrong with the word "use"?
"I was born in Australia..."
"Your English is so good!"
Thank you, I was born in Australia and English is literally my first language. My standard response these days is, "Oh thank you, yours too!"
This one is especially annoying...
...if you're not alabaster white.
This is a big one:
"Where are you from? No I mean where are you from."
Also annoying if you're not alabaster white.
"Someone saying to a teenager..."
Someone saying to a teenager, "These are the best years of your life!" I am in my mid-40s now and most people my age remember high school as horrible and awkward. The more appropriate thing to say is, "Hang in there kid! I promise life gets better. Just get through adolescence the best you can."
High school sucked.
My life vastly improved in my 20s. Let's not convince teenagers that they have nothing to look forward to after high school's over and done with.
"That's nothing... " when I tell them something only for them to turn it onto a competition and say something worse that happened to them.
The chronic one-upper.
"But she's your mother!"
Yeah, well she should've acted like one.
"I've heard it from people..."
"When you have your own children you'll understand."
I've heard it from people who don't understand that I want nothing more than my own family but being pregnant will kill me, and when I bring up adoption as a valid way of having children they'll buckle down on that phrase as to say adopted kids are not the same. It's disheartening to hear as a formal foster child and has reinforced my beliefs that no one really saw me as enough. Why would you say that to someone? All kids are the same and those without kids shouldn't be dismissed.
"I lost my daughter..."
"God has a plan" or "It happened for a reason."
I lost my daughter when I was 36 weeks in because of a sudden placental abruption followed by a uterine rupture, lost 2.2 litres of blood. I can't carry again without risking the child or myself. And I had to listen to a variety of phrases that made me want to hit those people. Those two were the worst. Followed by "You can try again" or "Did you get the child baptized?" (got this one only once though).
"Who on earth..."
"When are you going to have kids?"
Who on earth are you to not only insist I should stop and redirect my whole life for kids, but then put me on the spot and make up a timetable to change my whole life? Not everyone wants kids.
Now that you've learned a thing or two...
...you could say that all of the responses here are an exceptional opportunity to improve your social skills.
Have some of your own stories to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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Dating is difficult––and truth be told, I don't know how anyone can do it right now, what with a pandemic going on and all. Just the thought stresses me out. Dating is especially hard for people who defy expectations in a heteronormative society. Take bisexuals, for example.
Bisexuals have been open about their struggles maintaining relationships with both men and women, even having to lie about their sexuality if they want to date certain people.
"I feel like if I end up in a straight relationship, I'll look like I was just experimenting all these years, but if I end up in a gay relationship people will say I was never actually bisexual," one man told the BBC in 2019. "Then if I don't have a monogamous relationship people will say I'm just greedy."
Indeed, the pressure to be either gay or straight can be a lot to navigate. After Redditor Trevor-on-Reddit asked the online community, "Bisexual people who have dated both genders, what are some notable differences you've learned about dating both men and women?" bisexuals spoke candidly about their experiences. Take note: You might learn something new.
We all know someone who really cannot figure out even the most basic thing without copious amounts of help. But when you meet someone who is completely and totally past all help, how do you even begin to try to help them get along?
Most of the time, they will just be flustered, or they won't listen. And you have to just stand Idly by and watch them fail.
What is your "This person has no idea how the real world works" moment?
Here were some of those stories.
The Boot, Not The Camp
When I was in boot camp, some kid put his letter addressed to 'mom' with no address attatched.
I was gonna say that its not that stupid for a very young kid to do that, but then I realized you said boot camp and not summer camp.
Don't Steal Dangerous Chemicals
A student working part time at my laboratory at a University came into my office and asked "so what all can I eat in the refrigerator, I didn't know I was supposed to bring my own lunch". I looked at him, stunned and replied "nothing, that food is what people brought for their own lunch, but you can use my grub hub to order". He DID NOT UNDERSTAND. It took 4 tries to get him to realize he can't just eat someone else's lunch.
Same student: I walked into the lab room and told him I made a full pot of coffee in the office and he could help himself. Him: "a pot of coffee? What's that?" He never used a coffee maker other than a Kuerig before and didn't even know it was a thing.
He was fired a month later for stealing chloroform.
No Ma'am, Like, REAL Bears
At a national park, the park ranger says "stay on the trails, there are bears in the area."
One lady says "isn't that dangerous? Why aren't they in their cages?"
"Ma'am, we're not a zoo."
These people are lucky to make it out of bed every day.
Sleeping On The Job
I lived with some Japanese exchange students during the final summer of college. They were really nice girls, but one of them (Mari) (~19 years old) obviously had no idea how anything worked. She spoke the best English and I was tutoring some of the other girls, while they helped me with my Japanese.
But Mari would constantly call me to come to get her because she thought we had free buses (all the buses). After all, we were students. That wasn't the issue. I could deal with that. It was a whole new culture. She was learning.
But what happened that made me realize Mari could not be left on her own was when she ended up in Eloy, Arizona. Which was ~400 miles and five hours from where we were. She had been talking to some guy on campus, he said he was visiting family in Arizona, and she said "I want to go."
He just took her with him, and she went without even telling us. She had just assumed the guy would take her back, but he said he couldn't because he was staying in Arizona. So I had to arrange a ticket, get her on the bus via the phone, and then pick her up two hours away because she missed her second bus by napping.
How...? What...? Huh...?
Had a friend who was in some uncredited scam online college for her master's degree in medical billing or something. She was on a loan program that was sending her about $5k every 3 months directly to her via check in the mail.
This was her only source of income. She kept calling it a grant that didn't need to be paid back. She was flat broke as a joke for 2 months but then the check would come in and she would be living the good life for a few weeks before being poor again.
We tried to do an intervention and show her the insane interest rate that would be back dated as soon as her "school" was done but she didn't want anyone to bust her free money dreams.
She just kept talking about all the money she would eventually be making billing insurance companies...turns out she wasn't even logging in to the online college or even attempting to get this degree.
She thought the money was free, the degree was automatic and the job was guaranteed. Some people are beyond help.
Such Brilliant. So Money. Wow
My boss told me about a friend of his, who told him af a "life hack". She would get her bills in the mail, NOT pay them, and then wait a couple of months to pay. Then she would cry so the debt collectors would feel bad and waive the fees for not paying on time. That was her "brilliant life hack"
Himbo Rights Activist
The other day, my 18yo brother-in-law got married to his highschool sweetheart in a parking garage so that they can live off campus at college together.
Girlfriend's, now wife, mother is an ordained minister. His parents, my in-laws, were very upset and he couldn't understand why because "it's just a fake marriage for school". Oh no, sweet boy. You are MARRIED. I just laughed and laughed. I love him dearly. He is a dumb*ss.
And yet somehow they are there to add these stories to our dull, dull days.
A dude (18 yo) in boot camp got a letter from home and I can see he is agitated. Being 22 and concerned for his well-being, I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. (I'm thinking a Dear John letter or the Mom and Dad divorcing letter.)
He dead *ss told me that his younger brother got a Mercedes for his birthday and that he was pissed bc he "only got a BMW". Can't remember what I said, but I knew boot camp was gonna knock down. (It did.)
Who Pays Your Bills?
When my roommate, who never once paid for rent or groceries or anything, turned down the only job offer they have ever gotten, in front of me, TWICE.
They were so desperate they called him twice, offering good pay, during covid, and he had the gaul to say no in front of me. His excuse was "nah I'm sure there's something better. $20 an hour is garbage in this city" -_-
Just Read ONE Parenting Book
I worked for a clueless couple who had no idea how to raise a kid. He wore the same outfit everyday for a month until I gently suggested that he needs new clothes. His parents asked me "Where can we get baby clothes?" This was slightly hilarious given that they lived above a Target and next to a baby boutique.
I had to have the same conversation once the child was old enough for solid foods. I was asked "Where can we get baby food?" I had to explain that most grocery stores carry a baby aisle, or that she can mash up her own fruits at home for the baby. This family decided that sour cream would be a great first food for their baby!
I'll mention that this was a wealthy family who went on vacation at least 2-3 times a month. By far the weirdest thing they did was try and drop off Grandma at daycare along with the baby.
Stories like this make you feel like the most well-equipped, with it person alive, right?
We're all well aware of the weird, horrible, predatory things men do when attracted to women. But what about when women are the culprits?
Though it seems that, statistically, men are problematic at a WAY higher rate than women, there are certainly times where the person bringing the creepy vibes is, indeed, the woman.
Some men of Reddit gathered to share the most bizarre and uncomfortable things a woman has ever said.
AidenTheGamer14 asked, "Men of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing a girl has ever said or done to you?"
For some, it was the stalkers.
The cryptic behavior and frightening detective work of ex-lovers can be unparalleled.
Some Light Sleuthing
"Found out my address from the phone book, this was the 90s, sat outside my house for multiple nights, all night just watching my house, I live in the middle of the woods miles outside of town."
"We only had one date and agreed to leave it at that. I found out sometime later what she had been doing."
"Girl I was dating asked if I had changed the locks since breaking up with my ex months prior. I'm like 'No, but she wasn't a crazy person so I never worried about it.' She says if I don't change the locks she ain't comfortable sleeping over, so I change the locks."
"This ex sends me an angry text the next day 'So you changed your locks huh? Real nice a**hole.' So she had been coming over this whole time and doing who knows what."
She Stopped at Nothing
"She kept writing me letters at every address I lived at during that five-year period. If she didn't have the address she'd send them care of my parents. The most memorable is the one where she told me she was married and 'he's a great guy but he's not you.' "
"Once not long after I'd moved to a new address I came home and found a box of cookies she'd FedExed to me. Eventually I moved to a new state. I knew from her return addresses that she lived and worked there, and was worried we'd run into each other but realized that was pretty unlikely."
"Then after less than a year, she found me through a blog I was keeping and left a message on my voicemail demanding we meet. I posted a message to her on my blog telling her to stop harrassing me or I'd call the police (up to that point I'd been ignoring her, hoping she'd take the hint). That night she called, I repeated my threat to bring the authorities in, and I haven't heard from her since."
Others dealt with the creepiness on the internet. With so many avenues of communication all around us, uncomfortable comments can come from all directions.
"Someone I considered a friend started to grow feelings for me, but when she found out I had a girlfriend and I didn't feel the same for her she found out who my girlfriend was somehow. She then DM'd her and tried to tell her that I was cheating on her with her."
"Luckily I was with her when she got that DM so I could explain the situation and then we blocked her. Next day she DM'd her again from an alt account."
Worst Kind of Pen Pal
"I started a new job, and I shared a small office with a woman my age (and a couple other people). She was kinda cute but also weird and super naïve (she grew up in a very rural area). She'd flirt with me a lot, but I wasn't interested."
"So she started sending me emails."
"They were super long, detailing her whole day. And she sent them to me every day. I never responded. Then one day she sent me this long email confessing her love. I replied with the (very obvious) reasons why it wouldn't work and asked her to stop sending me emails every day. She didn't."
"They kept coming. This went on for months. I asked her in person and online to stop, but I still got these email memoirs every day. Eventually I had another female office mate who was her friend have a talk with her. Finally the emails stopped."
That's A Lot of Passwords
"I've had a girl create about 50 different Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram accounts all to try to get me to friend her. I've never met this woman in person and yet every few weeks I'll get a handful of friend requests from her"
"Met this girl online and talked to her a bit. I did started to like her."
"Later found out that the pic she showed me of herself was actually a pic of her friend who had passed away due to cancer."
In my early 20's I was at a party and the hosting woman full-on tried to reach down my pants to grab my business."
"Strange, yes, what made it creepy is that we were right in front of her mother, who was cheering her on."
Breaking Out the Scroll
"After 6 months from our breakup, my ex called me because she wanted to see me. It seemed strange to me but I accepted. When we met she was friendly and all..."
"Then at a certain point she pulls a sheet in which there was written a list of all men she fu**ed after our relationship and she read it all to me, with accurate description of every sexual intercourse. Well it was an awkward moment."
"I was going to head home after a night out and a I was getting into my taxi a girl jumped in after me. I asked what they were doing and she said 'I'm coming home with you.' "
"Nope. Taxi driver helped me and she got out the car eventually when I shot down her advances."
Again, it's important to read this thread and remember that this is a bias sample, solely focused on the incidents where a woman did act creepy.
But, yes, it happens out there.
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