When you have to show up to dozens of random addresses a day, you're bound to stumble on some weird stuff every once in a while. Delivery drivers from around the world came together to answer the question: What's your weirdest delivery story? Here are some of our favorite answers.
Thanks to all the delivery drivers who shared their stories!
1/16. I used to deliver pizzas for a while back in college. One afternoon I was scheduled to work, despite the fact there was a severe thunderstorm approaching and even a tornado watch. On the one delivery I had that day, I got a raging boner for absolutely no reason while driving through a torrential downpour to the customers house. I sat in my car for 5 minutes waiting for my dong to deflate to chub status. It didn't. I ended up tucking into the waistband and delivering some weird, old moustached guy a large pizza while I was stoned, soaking wet and with a boner at full mast barely concealed in my gym shorts. He gave me a good tip though.
2/16. I used to deliver furniture and me (a Jew) and my coworker (a Black guy) were carrying a sofa into a customers house to find a disturbing amount of Nazi flags, uniforms and other items. Needless to say we were both a little worried. Turned out he was just a big WWII buff and he showed us his whole collection. He even had one of the Nazi General's full set of uniforms smuggled out of Germany.
3/16. My friends refer to this story as when I got "Buffalo Billed".
I was a closing driver for a local pizza place. It was about 15 minutes to close and we got our last order. When I show up at the house and ring the door bell the guy inside cracked open the door, upon seeing me he said "oh sh*t it's a girl!" and shut the door.
I stand there another minute, not sure what just happened, and then the front door pops open again. This time three men are standing in the door frame, two middle aged, bedraggled looking guys and a dude who looked like he was 80.
The older guy then starts complimenting me, and I start to get pretty sketched out. Then he stops mid-sentence and says, "What size pants do you wear? You look like you're about a size twelve."
I was struck speechless. Just standing there wondering what was going on.
He continued, "I got a pair of pants in here that might fit! You can come in and try them on!"
After another few minutes of refusing to go into this guys house he finally gave up and paid.
He tipped me twenty bucks, then grabbed my waist and "tickled" me. Then exclaimed, "you're pretty! But you could go jogging more!"
Only after getting to my car did I realize how stupid I was for even sticking around to wait for him to pay.
Continue to the next page to read more weird delivery stories.
4/16. Our UPS man was really cool and would always drive around with a box of dog treats in the car (pretty smart, considering there are some vicious dogs out there). My dog learned pretty quickly that when his truck drove up, she would get a treat. Eventually, she learned that the treats came FROM the truck and so one day, while he was at the door, she climbed into the back and started sniffing around. She tore open the box of doggy biscuits, and another package of food, I think. The UPS guy didn't know she was back there and didn't notice till his next stop, which was far away (I lived in the middle of nowhere). So, he drove back and returned the dog. To compensate, the driver got another box of dog biscuits and my mom baked something for the people whose food my dog had eaten.
5/16. I used to work at a packie back in college, and we used to do deliveries to close residences. There was one older lady who we used to deliver to a lot, and one day I brought her case of wine to her door, and rang the bell. When she opened the door, she was in a bath robe, but it wasn't tied. I was shocked, but didn't want to be rude, so I brought the wine in and said have a nice day, trying to avoid eye contact. She then said, "Wait, what about your tip?" I turned around and she bent over for her purse and the robe just flew wide open. I saw old everything. Dear god I have tried to erase that memory forever but not all the liquor in the world could undo what I saw. She acted like nothing happened, handed me $10 and I went on my merry way.
6/16. Delivered for Papa Johns for 3 years in Atlanta.
Continue reading zany delivery stories on the next page.
7/16. One time in college at a party we ordered pizza and the guy that came never said a single word. We were all wasted and were like dudeee!! Come take a shot! So he shrugs and nods yes and comes in. Ends up getting handed two shots of jack, which he downs like a champ with no chaser. Then somebody passes him a bong and he smokes. Then we were like dudeee!! Do a strikeout (hold in bong rip, chug a beer, take a shot, exhale) and he did. Again, said nothing just put up his hand to say thanks, nods, and left.
9/16. I work for a company that delivers household appliances. A lot of our customers are larger property management companies, and we do a lot of deliveries to large apartment blocks. I have seen many places that were so filthy you wonder how someone can live there. But one in particular takes the cake...
Standard procedure is to talk to the onsite management to get access, deliver the new stuff, haul out the old stuff, get a signature and bounce. Usually the manager will follow us around and make sure we don't mess anything up along the way, but at this one delivery, a haggard looking manager told us "Go on up to the unit, it's open, I'll meet you up there later"
"Ok, no problem."
She wouldn't have fit in the elevator with a fridge, stove and two big guys anyway. So we get up there, and sure enough the apartment is open. The door was kicked off it's frame and missing. But that was just the start....
The drywall was smashed and kicked in all over the place. Pink fiberglass insulation was all over the floor. Light switches were ripped out of the wall, hanging from wires pulled through the drywall. The windows to the outside were smashed. Random pools of congealed liquids dotted the floor. There was garbage EVERYWHERE. We looked at our invoice to see if we had the right unit number, and we sure did. We decided to hang back and wait for the manager.
When she came up, I asked her if she actually wanted brand new shiny appliances in that terrible place.
"We have cleaners coming later today, can you just haul the old ones out and leave the new ones here in the hallway for now?"
Continue reading this story on the next page.
So we tucked the new fridge and stove out of the way and went into the kitchen of this place to haul the old ones out. As I'm in there sliding the range out of place, she finally lets us know what's up.
"So sorry about the mess in here today boys, but it's been a really wild few days here. You hear about that guy that took a hostage 2 days ago?"
"Yeah, it was hard to miss on the news."
"Well, yeah... that happened in here. You're standing where the cops shot the guy."
I looked down, and sure enough, I was standing in a 3 foot wide puddle of dried blood, right in the middle of the kitchen.
The most disturbing part about it was that I wasn't as disturbed by it as I thought I should be.
10/16. I delivered pizzas for 3 or 4 years. One time I had a extremely drunk guy take 30 minutes to find his check book. He fell over about 5 times, would walk into the kitchen and forget what he was looking for. Ended up writing it in crayon. I had multiple girls come to the door topless. I saw a kid holding a crack pipe for his dad while he paid in quarters. I went to an apartment once and there was a huge butcher knife in the mailbox. Once a guy grabbed me and called me a chicken f*cker because, "MY PIZZA WAS TOO EXPENSIVE." Please tip your pizza girl/guy. You have no idea what she/he deals with on a daily basis.
11/16. I used to deliver pizza for a small place in Santa Fe. Outside of one house, I noticed a very strong weed smell that only got more potent as I got closer to the house. When the dude opened the door the first thing I noticed was some very serious high intensity lights hanging from the high ceilings. That and it smelled like someone had jammed a few buds into my sinus cavity. There was also a makeshift black plastic curtain blocking off most of the living room and my view.
I did not say a thing. I was honestly too stunned. I did, however, think that I would run my grow house a little differently.
In that same town I worked at a video store where, during one staff meeting, we were told that we could accept drugs as payment for rentals, as long as we put the approximate cash value of the drugs in the till out of our own pockets.
Continue reading weird delivery stories on the next page.
12/16. I delivered pizzas for a year and a half, and thinking back, most of it is a blur.
Although I think the weirdest experience I had was an old shut-in who would tape a check to the front door, and not come out to get the pizza until she was sure you'd driven away. One time she forgot to put a check, so I knocked on the door, rang the doorbell, called her phone number, and so on... she didn't answer, so I took my other deliveries. 10 minutes later, she calls me back.
She says, "yeah, I saw you down there, but you didn't leave my pizza!" I say, you didn't leave a check. She says, "yes I did! Did you check around the back door? Sometimes it's at the back door, sometimes it's at the front door, you need to check both doors." I said I'd looked at the back door, and there was no check. She says, "well go look again, there should be one. you just need to look harder."
So I go back, and there is the check taped to the front door. Taped to the check are 2 dollars in quarters, rolled up in tape. That was the only time she ever tipped me.
13/16. Pizza delivery driver here- Weirdest delivery ever was to one of the top floors of these super tall public housing structures. Definitely not the worst in the city, but still never fun to deliver to because the elevators are slower than molasses, the tips are usually small, and public housing can get kind of unsafe.
Anyway, I get up to the door after waiting like 10 minutes in this rickety elevator, and the man on the other end of the door softly tells me the door's open and to come inside (I hate going inside people's houses, especially public housing, because 1. I am a female and 2. some people have some straaaange living habits).
Anyway, I see this guy, sitting in his chair, with nothing but a diaper on, acting like absolutely nothing is amiss, and he cheerfully tells me to put the food inside the oven. Huh? At this point, I am thoroughly weirded out, but I need him to sign the receipt. He tells me he did not order the pizza, so I need to go in the bedroom if I want my tip. The logical side of me was saying "nope. don't do it." but I will go to shameless lengths for an extra few dollars and diaper dude was pretty old and clearly wasn't a threat, just weird.
So I go into the bedroom and find another dude, completely naked, laying in bed with a pen waiting for me. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? Awkwardly, I kind of threw the receipts on top of him, not wanting to get close. He casually signed them, acting like absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary, and politely handed them back to me. I bolted out of there as fast as I could. $6 dollar tip. Not bad.
More delivery stories on the next page!
14/16. I used to deliver pizza/Italian food to a sex worker that was living and working out of a local hotel. She kept two rooms; one for living, one for work. If the order had two meals it would be one room, if it was one meal it would be the other. She also had a chihuahua in her living room. She would only pay in 20's and we always got to keep the change, sometimes getting us $17 dollar tips. It was great, but she eventually stopped ordering or moved out.
15/16. My first (pizza) delivery one morning was to a regular customer. His order came to 32.80. I went to his house and he had a hundred dollar bill and nothing else. I didn't have nearly enough change, so I told him I'd have to head back to the store and get change for him. He said, "how about this, you get me a hard pack of Newports and I'll throw you a couple extra bucks." The convenience store was closer than the Domino's, so it was a no-brainer. I took his hundred, bought a pack of cigarettes, and went back with exact change. He handed me three 20 dollar bills and I started by day with a $27 tip.
16/16. I'm a girl who used to deliver pizza in high school. One day we got a call for a delivery and after hanging up the phone my coworker informed me that the same man had called the day before and seemed like a creep. Greaaaaat. I arrive to his house with the pizza and notice that it is the only house that is a ways up from the street. The neighborhood isnt the best either and most of the shrubs are overgrown and poorly maintained. I ring the doorbell and this 6 foot older man wearing a yellowish stained tanktop with ratty gray sweatpants just stares at me.
He has a huge overgrown scraggly beard and just looks like a total creep. It is apparent that he hasnt bathed in a while. Then all of a sudden his dog, a weird mini black greyhound, appears out of nowhere and starts jumping all over me. The scary man doesnt even try to get the dog to stop attacking me or anything, he just lets it jump all over me. I finally hand him his pizza while trying to dodge the dog's claws and he gives me this blank stare again. At this point I realize I'm probably not getting a tip. Frazzled, I try to get out of there as fast as I can and when I turn around to leave his dog follows me to my car.
After walking about 5 feet I notice that the creepy man is following me too and all of a sudden I hear him yell "Where are you going?" as he proceeds to walk even faster. At this point I'm freaked out so I high tail it to my car and jump in the drivers seat. His dog is still going wild and jumping all over the car, which is preventing me from driving away. He then comes right next to my window and I see him try and reach for something in his pocket. Im so freaked out I can barely move but I finally manage to start the car and speed off in a panic. Ill never know what was in his pocket but I made sure we never delivered to him ever again.
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People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
A Platitude Of Pleasing<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p>
Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p>
Being Used<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p>
Hiding The Receipts<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p>
Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p>
How Do You Do This To Someone<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>
Be My Friend And Not Theirs<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p>
Victim Time<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p>
Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p>
Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p>
Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
Regional Laws<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p>
For the Face Plant Image<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
A Mammal of Few Words<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p>
Baggage<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p>
Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p>
Not Wrong<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>
Watch the News Before Saying This One<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p>
Got a Million of Em<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p>
G-Pa With the Physics Humor<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p>
A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p>
Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedy
to try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?
Wrapped Up<p>Dad had to saran wrap a guy's intestines back into his body once.</p><p>Dude had surgery and pushed too hard on the toilet. Dude was fine, according to Dad, just holding himself together on the toilet while a group of firefighters tried to figure out why the hell they were sent instead of paramedics.</p><p><em>Update</em> When he pushed too hard he opened a scar on his torso/ab area and it all fell out onto his lap. Should have mentioned this when I wrote the post. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko9lq0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">noblemile</a><span></span></p>
Flesh<p>One that stuck with me was a suicide in a bathtub, we couldn't drain the tub, so had to use a coagulant then scoop up the bloody mess into biohazard bags. Same for the toilet. Another was a suicide by gun in a basement full of boxes which was a nightmare to clean as even the smallest bit of flesh had to be found and cleaned up. The smell of the smallest piece of flesh meant the job wasn't done until it was found. </p>
Walk Away<p>Medic here, first responder to a motorcycle collision. Guy who crashed was a friend. He'd been torn in half and almost decapitated.</p><p>Had to walk away from the scene and let my driver and another crew handle it. Think about it daily. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko4y58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Sabre-23</a><span></span></p>
All over the House<p>I posted this on another thread so just copy and pasted it but this was one that I had to do</p><p>Clean up after a murder. It was a rehab house for ex cons, 4 bedroom house with communal bathroom and kitchen. Sunday morning and guy A is in his room listening to music pretty loud, guy B is in the kitchen cooking his breakfast, B knocks on A's door and tells him to turn it down, there's a small argument and B returns to his breakfast and A turns his music up. So B grabs the biggest knife in the kitchen, kicks in A's door and stabs him through his left shoulder, entering by his collar bone. </p>
"ride-alongs"<p>Not a cleaner, but my brother's best friend is a police officer and I heard all about this horrible experience:</p><p>My brother's friend took him on "ride-alongs," all the time. One day, they were responding to a welfare check. This guy's neighbor saw his apartment door cracked open for several days and called the police. They went to check it out and found a college student (18-19) who had shot himself. </p>
Melt Away<p>When I was a bartender, a couple of clients told me the worst part about the job is cleaning melted bodies.</p><p>I don't know the science behind that, but from what I understand is if a body stays for a while in a certain condition of temperature and humidity, it melts. And those guys have to remove that person's remains in buckets. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknsqfm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kaynny</a><span></span></p>
Audrey<p>I had a great uncle who helped clean up the bodies left behind by hurricane Audrey in 1957 and he said that the smell persisted in his nose for weeks after. It got so bad that he went to the doctor to see if they could do anything and they clipped all of his nose hairs and the smell went away. It was explained to him that the smell had soaked into the hair but I don't claim to know the validity of that statement.</p>
Hazard<p>One of my first jobs after moving I did this, and the job that had me walking wasn't even a scene as described. We did all types of hazmat cleans and the worst was actually a couple went on vacation and came back to backed up sceptic. Think about 1 ft thick hard dried out crusty sceptic waste spread throughout the entire 1st floor of a house. Not going further into detail here. Was nasty.</p><p>Septic, not sceptic. On break and mobile, so yeah... </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknvzn8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kamenovski</a><span></span></p>
After the Crash...<p>Working for a tow truck driver that get the calls after crashes. The worst one for me was a family of 6 coming back with over 10 pizzas for a baseball team. It was a head on with a tractor trailer (18 wheeler). The ambulance took the bodies away of course, everyone died but one little guy. There was so much blood and vomit, diapers, toy dolls covered in blood, the pizza was everywhere inside of the car like 2" thick on everything and all over the road. </p>
Fresh Meat<p>Friend of mine does this.</p><p>His worst was an elderly woman who died in a bath. Skin falls off like long cooked meat. So he just saw piles of skin/flesh</p><p>God just writing this makes me gag. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknwqwu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PlagueDoc22</a><span></span></p>
We all know the telltale signs that something is making us uncomfortable. Suddenly, we begin shaking, either in our hands or knees or toes. Then, usually, sweat starts pouring out of every part of our body, making it look like we just ran through a rainstorm underneath a waterfall. Finally, we lose our regular speech functions. Everything goes out of sync and our words don't match up to what's in our minds.
What's interesting is that what usually brings about these fits of uncomfortableness differs from person to person, as evidenced by the stories below.