People Break Down The Most Surprisingly Toxic Communities They've Encountered
A niche community often arises organically. At it's best, a web of bonds in real life or on the internet establishes a safe space for people that share a common interest or life-defining characteristic.
But such a community, based so directly on a the presence of an essential detail held by all members, inherently includes a boundary. The space is only a space if it has an edge that defines it.
Often, that's no problem. The members of a community celebrate that contained spirit while allowing the boundary to be permeable to new members and well-meaning people who respect the space.
Some communities, however, are not so permeable. Their boundary line is stark, guarded aggressively, and makes non-members keenly aware of their place outside the group.
And most surprisingly, these gatekept, even toxic communities often exist to provide support for a very wholesome and vulnerable cause.
Filmologic asked, "What's the most surprisingly toxic community?"
A Good Thing Gone Too Far
"As a Personal Trainer and someone who basically lives in the gym, it would have to be the Fitness Community."
"While it is incredibly important to include fitness as part of your life, I see far too many people in my gym take it to illogical extremes."
"From drug use, to using the gym as a means to avoid their families, spending up 5 hours or more in here, there's lots of unhealthy behavior that goes on in here."
-- KJR506
Cliques of Oral History
"I was most surprised by the toxicity of an online community devoted to the history and memories of my home town. I thought it was going to be about people's reminiscences, interesting tidbits of information and old photos, but it turned out to be a lot of sniping and politics."
"There was a core group, kind of like the cool kids and they would have get togethers and inside jokes and they treated everyone else like they thought they were losers."
"It was very high school - actually worse."
Arbitrary Designations of Legitimacy
"It breaks my heart to say this: the disability community. The amount of gate-keeping is ridiculous and insane."
"Example: I take pills for a condition that is psychiatric in nature, but has physical side affects if I'm not medicated (drowsiness, hand trembles, shaky leg, compulsive picking). I've repeatedly been told that it's not a 'real disability' because I have it under control, or worse yet, it's 'in my head.'"
"Not cool, man."
Wheel Hierarchies
"Bicycling. My ex has a bmx repair business, mostly for kids, and the amount of hate he receives from road cyclists is unfathomable. Not just online, but on trails and in bike lanes too."
"How little scope do you have when you're willing to run someone into traffic because you don't like their style of bike? Then try to high-five your friend about it?"
When Hate Gets Hold of It
"The RuPaul's Drag Race fandom."
"What started as a bi***y distraction for gay men has turned into a phenomenon for sanctimonious straight teenagers who are either hysterical sycophants or obnoxious racists."
Sexism in the Gaming Community
"Gamers! Some man feel threatened by woman and they begin doing anything to kick hem out of the community."
"I've seen some exposing the girls personal life like photos, affairs, jobs in order to make them feel embarrassed enough to leave the games."
-- soloamotu
Snooty Sellers
"Poshmark. I'm a full-time seller on poshmark and mercari, and my God do some other sellers have a god complex."
"Poshmark allows buyers to offer on items and a lot of sellers take every offer (low ball or a reasonable offer) as a personal insult and will either blast the potential buyer or just straight up block them."
"Some sellers have a 'no response' self policy, where if someone asks a question they refuse to answer because they see it as a waste of their precious time..."
"...now I understand some buyers ask too many questions with no intention of buying but that's just how customer service is baby, sometimes you gotta answer stupid questions!"
Inaccessible Storytelling
"Dungeons and Dragons."
"You would think that nerds bonding together over something as wonderfully silly as pretending to be Dwarves and Elves wouldn't breed toxicity, but many of them are not only snobby but extremely elitist about how they prefer to run the games."
-- ASDirect
Ironic Intolerance
"The kink communities in some cities."
"They say they're all about acceptance and everything rosy but can be a toxic cesspool of cliques and power-hungry narcissists."
"Local"
"Surfers. There are cases where someone gets beat the sh** out of/their car wrecked simply for surfing a spot whilst not being a 'local.'" -- FormerGoat1
"Was looking for this one. Everyone thinks it's all laid back and chill but in the water surfers are aggressive, selfish, and hostile to beginners."
"At certain crowded spots (i.e. spots in Santa Cruz) I'll count my session as a win if I go the entire time without some old guy or 'local' getting mad at me for some dumb sh**." -- Franklin-D-Bluth
Aggressive Rascals
Most kid game that have chat features. Club penguin, Roblox, wizards 101, etc."
"Usually if younger children are involved heavily in a games community I usually see a ton of racism and just plain hatred."
Head on a Swivel Out There
"kpop. idk if it's a no-brainer to y'all now but when I joined I had no idea. the amount of cancel culture, bullying, gas-lighting, sh** talking... it made me so uncomfortable."
"I did not want to be associated with people who send death threats to others who don't like kpop or harass their idols. it makes me so angry and sad that the community is what it is..."
"....because I still enjoy some bands and songs. and I also feel bad that the people with actual healthy love for the genre and bands are ashamed to like what they like because of the shitty ass people."
-- NoodleBooOwO
Allegations of Overstepping
"PETA. They claim to be the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals but they tried to get Pokemon banned which is a fictional video game about collecting monsters (has nothing to do with animals). They also want to turn the whole world vegan."
"If they actually stuck to their core values of protecting animals they might actually be taken more seriously."
-- judas_crypt
Hiking Wrong
"Literally, Outdoors."
"Ever try to go on a quick run or a nice hike with an outdoorsy friend or relative? Or possibly even date?"
"Don't have the right shoes or expensive gear. Don't have the right drinks because water isn't enough anymore. Don't use the right running technique (whatever that means, I learned to run when I was 3 and never looked back)."
"And don't even TRY to find a nice serene place in nature that isn't gatekept by someone who thinks they own the land. It's outrageous."
-- Crowroth
Becoming the Enemy
"Atheists (and I am one.)"
"If a major problem with organized religion is that it's very tribal (which it is), organized atheism has turned itself into just another tribe. One more version of 'us' against a different kind of 'them'. That's not an improvement."
The Prevention of Vulnerability
"Men to other men. Honestly it's sad how many men try and make others feel like sh**." -- Lethal_bizzle94
"Not surprising" -- Thoughtitwouldlast
"I think there's a fine line between ball busting and actual hatred. Also guys don't hold grudges much at all" -- Wes_Bugg
Only Advice for the Tight Coils
"Curly hair community. Gate-keeping is real. If you have loose, wavy curls or a mixed baby and you're trying to get some curly girl help online.... beware."
"They're coming for you."
DRAMA
"Community theater toxicity caught me off guard when I got into it in my town. Lots of ego, casting drama, and super right wing people with shi**y views."
"That last one is the one that got me the most. Maybe it's just a Florida thing but you'd figure that people into doing musicals wouldn't be the 'all lives matter,' 'I disagree with gay marriage' types regardless."
"Not everyone thankfully, my closest friends also came from doing it"
-- IniMiney
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
A person who loudly mouths their opinion about a certain topic with so much confidence isn't always right.
They're usually lacking self-awareness.
Or they're just being obnoxious.
We know who these people are. They are the ones who think they can get their point across effectively simply by raising their voice because that'll register.
Umm, no.
Curious to hear about the humbling behavior, Redditor Generalmogar asked:
“'The loudest voice in the room is usually the dumbest' what an example of this you have seen?"
When wanting to be heard backfires.
Stranger In A Strange Land
"When someone thinks that shouting in English at a person who does not speak English will help them understand more. 🤦🏼♀️"
– Charlotte-Milf
Family Talk
"IMMEDIATELY thought of my partner's uncle when I read the post title. He speaks at 110% volume all the time and needs a diaper wrapped around his chin to catch all the sh*t he dribbles out."
– canisaureaux
Not The Brightest
"He who laughs last laughs best. But he may get a reputation for being a little slow on the uptake."
– jackneefus
"He who laughs last, obviously didn’t get the joke."
– Excellent_Recipe240
People can be so unpleasant.
The Worst Kind Of Customer
"Anyone who has ever worked retail or a customer facing position will understand this. You as an employee have next to no power over anything apart from a bit of product knowledge to learning the basics of returns/exchanges. Any person who has worked in one of these positions can almost always count on at least once a week being faced with a colossal, screaming idiot who will fight tooth and nail over the most idiotic minutia when they are dead wrong. I don't know if it stems from a need to be correct (narcissism) or from just plain stupidity that they can never concede in a fight, but it is at least a weekly occurrence in retail."
"My most recent example was when my partner and I were in Muji, an Asian-themed home goods and clothing store. The ambience of these stores are super chill, with diffusers going, soft music, and so on. As we were coming in a woman was losing her mind on the cashier because a pair of socks scanned up at let's call it $10 when they should have been $8. Numbers are made up because this was a month or so ago. She is arguing impressively that these socks scanned up wrong and they should be free."
The cashier has the 'wut' look on her face and is calmly explaining, that no, she can get a refund for the difference. This lady was not having it, seemingly pulling what she believed was the ultimate trump card, she shouted 'well other stores have policies where they give you the wrong scanned item for free!'. The cashier again, without a breaking a sweat said 'well, that isn't our policy. I can either refund you the difference, refund you the whole thing, or you keep it as it is.' This loop went on for much longer than it had to before the angry customer relented, visibly disturbed that this made-up policy did not exist at Muji.I will add that she was talking/yelling so that the entire store could hear, of course, instead of calmy discussing the issue and taking the solution like a normal adult."
– MADEUPDINOSAURFACTS
Unsatisfied Constituent
"You know the weirdos that show up at town hall meetings? Those voices."
– Leeser
"There's a sign at Ramsett Park that says, 'Do not drink the sprinkler water,' so I made sun tea with it and now I have an infection."
– I_might_be_weasel
Losing arguments is not an option.
Default Noise Level
"My ex-husband. We couldn't discuss anything."
"His answer to every problem was just to scream over me until he got his way."
– Bebe_Bleau
Loudest Side Of The Family
"On my father's side of the family, it's somehow common practice that the one who speaks loudest has the right to speak. Was much worse with my aunt, now that her and my dad aren't talking anymore it's less people. But i still don't always get to chip in on conversations with everyone, i can talk loudly but not as loud as my dad or my grandpa. When my aunt and her husband were there, i had even less of a chance to speak. Plus It's incredibly tiring and just annoyingly loud when everyone tries to be louder than the others and talks over each other... Now i catch myself not saying anything even when I could because I'm so used to just not speaking when everyone is there."
– mycrazyblackcat
The Internet Can Be A Loud Place
"Finding out everyone on the internet is suddenly an expert in the operation, design, and recovery of deep submergence vehicles has certainly been an eye-opener."
– ExpectedBehaviour
I was driving a vanpool late at night after work and after dropping my co-workers off, I pulled into a gas station to avoid doing filling up the tank the next morning.
I just went straight to the available pump, but apparently, there was another vehicle waiting for the pump I pulled up next to.
The driver exited from her vehicle, totally irate, and started yelling at me but very slowly and over-enunciating the words, "This was supposed to be mine. I was here first!" I'm Japanese American, but I guess I looked like a foreigner to her.
First of all, I had no idea I cut in front of her at a not-so-busy gas station at 1:30 a.m., and I was too exhausted for a confrontation.
So I played the part and spoke back to her in fluent Japanese, mouthing off about what I had for lunch or something because it didn't matter.
She stormed off and muttered an ethnic slur.
In retrospect, I don't know why I didn't explain to her that I wasn't aware she was waiting for the pump. I just wanted to get home.
Thanks and goodnight.
Be it an old familiar, or a new establishment that has been the talk of the town, restaurant diners are always faced with a challenge once they are handed a menu.
Do they stick with what they know, and order the burger and fries or spaghetti and meatballs, which are both difficult to screw up?
Or do they get a little adventurous, and try the restaurant's specialité, even if it's something they've never tried before in their lives?
Generally speaking, it tends to be on a case-by-case basis based on the restaurant they are dining in.
Of course, some people have such an aversion to certain ingredients or dishes, that no matter the location, they will never order it.
"Reddit. What will you never order at a restaurant?"
Not What, But When...
"I'll never order 10 minutes before closing."- bearstrugglethunder
Speaking From Experience
"Ice in my drink."
"After decades in the industry, I've only ever seen one change the ice machine filters and clean the bin regularly."-Anna_Namoose
"I have almost twenty years of experience managing bars and restaurants."
"What do you think I won't get? "
"Stylish or not?"
"Ice."
"In everything."
"I can assure you that I have saw far more appalling ice machines in back of houses than immaculate ones."- Tricky_Routine138
ice waiting GIF by tarninabarnGiphyStay Consistent
"Anything outside of what their core business is."
"Not ordering fish at a steakhouse, a burger at a Mexican restaurant etc."- KinkyPTDoc
Why Pay For What You Can Make Yourself?
"Quesadilla."
"I'm not paying for tortillas and cheese."
"I always have that sh*t at home."- DGex
"Pasta."
"I can make it at home, I'm a decent cook and can make most pasta dishes at home."
'I eat out to have foods I can't make."
'I'm usually disappointed when I do order it."- bensmom2020
"Tuna fish sandwich."- Limp-Persimmon-5729
"A grilled cheese sandwich."
"There's just no way a restaurant can elevate it to make it worth the cost."- manderifffic
Hungry Grilled Cheese GIF by U by Kotex BrandGiphyCasear, Cobb, Waldorf...NOPE!
"Salad."
"It’s so cheap to buy the ingredients and most restaurant salad comes from a bag."
"It’s just dumb in 85% of the cases."- humancalculus
"$17+ salad."- Monowakari
Split It, Maybe?
"Oh, I've got a good one."
"Do not order the lasagna if you visit Brio Tucsan Grille."
"It's not awful, fantastic, or extraordinary; it's just normal."
"But why, you say, would you advise against eating a typical meal?"
"Considering that it contained 5200 calories. calories for two days."
"When I removed empty dishes from the table in front of guests, I would shudder."- KeyPersimmon445
If You Can't See The Sea, Maybe Avoid Seafood...
"In a location not known for its seafood, lobster."
"Where are they going to get lobster, anyway?"- WillingnessInner9666
"Rocky Mountain Oysters."- Rollin_Soul_O
Eight Is A Few Too Many Legs...
"Anything cephalopod."- FarewellMyQueen
Pbs Nature Sea GIF by Nature on PBSGiphyUnless They Pick The Leaves Themselves...
"Tea."
'Compared to how much it costs to make at home, it's stupidly overpriced at restaurants."- Pure_Block_5309
There's nothing wrong with being a picky eater.
That being said, it's always worth trying something new before deciding you don't like it.
Even if no one should blame you for refusing to order sushi at a pizza counter.
"Never dip your pen in the company ink."
An age-old cautionary saying urging people not to get romantically entangled with their coworkers.
Doing so used to be illegal at many companies, whereas now it's grown to become a bit more commonplace, and often results in some cases of wedded bliss and happily ever afters (as demonstrated by The Office's Jim and Pam.)
Of course, when entering a relationship with a coworker, be it a one night stand or a committed, multi-year relationship, there is always the risk that it might not end well, resulting in your being forced to see your ex every day at the office (Bridget Jones anyone?)
"People who slept with a coworker, what happened after?"
Well, That's A Success?
"We became friends and she donated a kidney to me lol."- Headbobby
As If Nothing Had Changed...
"Got married 2 years later."
"'Co-worker' can mean different things and different circumstances, for instance:"
"Our company had 130,000 employees world-wide."
"Our group was housed in a building with 1,000 employees."
"We were not in each other's chain of command."
"It could have been somewhat awkward if it did not work out, but not awful."
"It did work out."
"Later on, saved money by carpooling!"- SyntheticOne
The Office Laughing GIF by NBCGiphyJust Couldn't Fight The Chemistry
"We were both working as actors in a small film, cast as romantic leads."
"She noticed I got tense when we had to kiss... and suggested we go on a date to practice kissing."
"We played mini-golf and practiced kissing."
"Then we continued practicing in her car in the parking lot after the mini-golf place closed until a cop came to investigate."
"Then we got a hotel room and practiced other stuff."
'I guess I'm a slow learner because she's still giving me remedial lessons."- Jake_Science
Nothing Personal, One Hopes..
"She had to fire me."
"Poor performance."- bilvester
Consider Long Term Goals First
"Fun."
"Highly recommend if you have a job."
"Do not recommend if you have a career."- bluegiant85
Renee Zellweger Office GIF by Working TitleGiphyOn To Bigger And Better Things
"Dated discreetly and after four years we got engaged."
"We then both told our supervisors we were leaving in the summer."
"At our last meeting as they were doing their good bye lunch for both of us with about 30 coworkers, they had us say a few words."
"I went first and said I was moving to a new city."
"Then it was my fiancés turn and she said she was also moving to that city, with me, because we’re engaged."
"It was glorious."
"We are happily married for 13 years and have an awesome daughter."
"Life is goooood."- lmc227
Jealous Much?
"I had a supervisor that I really hit it off with and had great chemistry."
"As soon as they found out we were dating, she got fired and immediately found a better job."
"We've been married for almost 13 years now."
"I feel I should clarify a little bit while still keeping the details as vague as possible because quite a few people worked there."
"She was my boss in the sense that if she told me something needed taken care of, I was expected to take care of it."
"She didn't actually have the power to fire me if our relationship went south, but she probably could have gotten me fired if she had been that type of person."
"We worked there for two years before anything remotely physical happened."
"Our lunch breaks lined up."
"After a few conversations, we became friendly and started spending most of that hour shooting the sh*t with each other."
"I was crushing on her hard, but didn't think she'd be interested in dating one of the janitors, so I didn't say anything in an effort not to make things weird at work."
"One day I let it slip to one of the other janitors that I had a crush on her."
"He thought it would be hilarious to immediately go and tell her what I said."
"The next day, she asked me if I had really said that."
"I was really embarrassed but admitted that I had said it."
"She basically told me she was feeling the same way and gave me her number."
"11 months later, we were married."
"There were two guys in upper management that had asked her out and been rejected."
"Their egos obviously took a hit when they found out she chose me."
"She was fired after being blamed for someone else's mistake."
"Then they refused to show the proof that she was the one responsible."
"It was bullsh*t, but it only took her two weeks to find a job that paid a lot more."
"Once they did that to her, I immediately became a terrible employee and openly talked sh*t about everyone in management until they really had no choice but to fire me."- Imahorrible_person
Nothing Lost, Nothing Gained
"We did it a couple of times then both went on with our lives."
"It was just something we both wanted to do temporarily."
"Neither one of us wanted it to be serious or long-term, and so it wasn’t."- Listening_Heads
No Regrets Whatsoever
"We moved in together, got engaged, bought a house and had a baby."
"Don't let a job get in the way of your life."- AllSonicGames
Who'd Have Guessed...
"I slept with my boss back in 93."
"She instigated it."
"She’s sitting beside me."
"30 years later and two adult kids."
"Worked out!"
"I should add we did NOT care for each other at first. It was definitely not a case of 'will they, won’t they' but more of a 'will he quit or won’t he?'"
"Funny how life works."- Uncle_Bug_Music
Proceed With Caution
"Fun while it lasted, but very awkward after."- BrianH-84
Love cannot, and should not be denied, even if it is a coworker.
Anyone looking for a one and done, however, might want to look beyond the walls of your office.
Unless you like constantly being reminded of your past mistakes.
It can take a lot of courage to put yourself out there and let someone know you're interested.
As long as they're not creepy, aggressive, or crazy, it should be flattering, right?
If you're straight and a person of the same gender as you flirts with you, this should be easy to deal with.
In most cases, it took a lot more courage for them to ask than for you to hear.
The following question has been asked to many a straight guy over the years.
Let's see how the times and reactions have progressed.
Redditor FregeanCoder wanted the heteronormative gents out there to share with us, so they asked:
"Straight men, how would you react if a man hit on you?"
I've flirted with many a straight guy, and 99% of the time, it's all gone over well even if they turned me down.
Be Polite
buster keaton GIFGiphy"I've told them thank you but not interested."
twinturboboosted
"Pretty much this for me as well, no need to get scared, but at the same time I did have one super creep, not a comfortable experience."
Empty_Jellyfish_1995
Happy Endings
"My response was, 'I’m flattered, but it’s not my thing.' Guy insisted on buying me that drink anyway as an apology. Thirty years later, we’re still friends. I was best man at his wedding, and now they’re both like brothers to me."
ElectricTurtlez
"Wow, an 'apology' - for flattering you!? Maybe he felt that he made you uncomfortable. Sounds like a generous and humble person."
BoringBob84
"I wish men could do that when women reject them. For some reason, if a woman rejects a straight man he thinks 'being friends' is like a punishment."
Joygernaut
Aww Shucks
"My wife and I were at a gay bar with some friends and one time while alone a young man offered to buy me a drink… it was the most flattering feeling, which I of course told him as I politely declined. He must have been having a rough patch since he was very attractive and had no business hitting on a guy like me. Or maybe it was late and he was drunk."
corona-lime-us
"You could have been his type. Never know."
twinturboboosted
"Haha. Perhaps. I’ll cling to the possibility. I’m just grateful my wife agreed to marry me before I discovered IPA’s and how to smoke meat!!!"
corona-lime-us
Keeping it
"I had a man I thought was hitting on my girlfriend and telling us both multiple times he was into threesomes tell me in a forceful way at the end of the night was gay. I said ah, that's cool man good for you! He walked away looking kind of sad and defeated. It wasn't until the next day that we realized he was hitting on me and we all had a chuckle at my obliviousness."
Gettinrekt1
No Harm
"Well normally at first I’m polite and say no thanks in some way or straight out. If it ends there it’s amusing no harm done. But just like with women if they are overly aggressive after then it’s a lot different. Ashamed of how common that type of stuff is. It has nothing to do with people's sex life. People are capable of all kinds of things. We know this but seem to act like it doesn’t happen."
_Dirty_Deedz_
OHHHHHH!!!!
Seth Meyers Pain GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"Probably the same way as when a woman hits on me - be oblivious to it until weeks later when it suddenly dawns on me."
Eccentric_Fixation
I always hate that A-HA moment.
Like, where was my mind at in the moment.
SEE MEEE!!!
Jim Carrey Flirting GIFGiphy"I'm gay, my oldest friend is straight. Took him to a gay bar once. He got very offended that no one tried to hit on him."
J8766557
Why not?
"I'm a straight, bearded, short but pretty muscular guy living in (very liberal) Berlin. Apparently, that's attractive for a lot of gay men so I'm getting hit on by men pretty regularly, a lot more than by women. I usually just tell them I'm not gay and then it depends on their reaction."
"Keep talking, do more drinking, keep dancing... Why not? I've been on the opposite side after a rejection by a woman and it's nice to just keep having a good time instead of an awkward exit that you'll cringe about 10 years later randomly."
Magnetobama
Back when we danced
"Not sure how it works nowadays with apps like Grindr but in the late 90s/2000s, we had a gay club in our city (no longer exists and there’s not another one unless you drive 30 min to a town over). Anyway, I was the straight friend in a group of gay guys because I loved EDM and I think by association, other gay men thought I was gay."
Always flattered, politely said no and they would turn to the next guy waiting in line for a drink and hit on them. Rinse and repeat. I think what I learned is that men regardless of sexual preference are all horny and will try again and again until they find someone down to clown."
irn
Thanks, Corey
"I was at a house party and he started hitting on me. I kind of panicked and said I was dating one of the girls at the party. Went over to her after and asked her to play along because he was hitting on me and I didn’t want to start a fuss. Ended up hooking up with her later that night and 16 years later were married with 2 kids. At our wedding speech, I thanked him even though he wasn’t there. Corey wherever you are, thanks bud."
reload88
Beautiful Hair
"Happened to me by a coworker. I very politely explained I wasn’t gay but it never changed my opinion of him. He eventually thanked me for dealing with it the way I did and I explained it wasn’t necessary to say thanks. I asked him why me though. He replied, 'You’ve got one hell of a head of beautiful hair!' And he was right."
Particular-Paper-558
Be Fair
Criminal Minds Fist Bump GIF by IONGiphy"I flirt a little but make sure he knows I'm straight and there is no opportunity for us to be anything but friends. Gay dudes are some of the best friends a straight guy can have and I don't give a f**k what anyone thinks about that. Just don't lead them on, it's not fair to them."
somedoofyouwontlike
Well it does sound like we've come a long way.
It's nice to know.
Let's flirt.