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People Break Down The Most Surprisingly Toxic Communities They've Encountered

A niche community often arises organically. At it's best, a web of bonds in real life or on the internet establishes a safe space for people that share a common interest or life-defining characteristic.


But such a community, based so directly on a the presence of an essential detail held by all members, inherently includes a boundary. The space is only a space if it has an edge that defines it.

Often, that's no problem. The members of a community celebrate that contained spirit while allowing the boundary to be permeable to new members and well-meaning people who respect the space.

Some communities, however, are not so permeable. Their boundary line is stark, guarded aggressively, and makes non-members keenly aware of their place outside the group.

And most surprisingly, these gatekept, even toxic communities often exist to provide support for a very wholesome and vulnerable cause.

Filmologic asked, "What's the most surprisingly toxic community?"

A Good Thing Gone Too Far

"As a Personal Trainer and someone who basically lives in the gym, it would have to be the Fitness Community."

"While it is incredibly important to include fitness as part of your life, I see far too many people in my gym take it to illogical extremes."

"From drug use, to using the gym as a means to avoid their families, spending up 5 hours or more in here, there's lots of unhealthy behavior that goes on in here."

-- KJR506

Cliques of Oral History

"I was most surprised by the toxicity of an online community devoted to the history and memories of my home town. I thought it was going to be about people's reminiscences, interesting tidbits of information and old photos, but it turned out to be a lot of sniping and politics."

"There was a core group, kind of like the cool kids and they would have get togethers and inside jokes and they treated everyone else like they thought they were losers."

"It was very high school - actually worse."

-- Paddlingmyboat

Arbitrary Designations of Legitimacy 

"It breaks my heart to say this: the disability community. The amount of gate-keeping is ridiculous and insane."

"Example: I take pills for a condition that is psychiatric in nature, but has physical side affects if I'm not medicated (drowsiness, hand trembles, shaky leg, compulsive picking). I've repeatedly been told that it's not a 'real disability' because I have it under control, or worse yet, it's 'in my head.'"

"Not cool, man."

-- skynolongerblue

Wheel Hierarchies

"Bicycling. My ex has a bmx repair business, mostly for kids, and the amount of hate he receives from road cyclists is unfathomable. Not just online, but on trails and in bike lanes too."

"How little scope do you have when you're willing to run someone into traffic because you don't like their style of bike? Then try to high-five your friend about it?"

-- Laynebutnotlayne

When Hate Gets Hold of It

"The RuPaul's Drag Race fandom."

"What started as a bi***y distraction for gay men has turned into a phenomenon for sanctimonious straight teenagers who are either hysterical sycophants or obnoxious racists."

-- DoneDidThisGirl

Sexism in the Gaming Community 

"Gamers! Some man feel threatened by woman and they begin doing anything to kick hem out of the community."

"I've seen some exposing the girls personal life like photos, affairs, jobs in order to make them feel embarrassed enough to leave the games."

-- soloamotu

Snooty Sellers

"Poshmark. I'm a full-time seller on poshmark and mercari, and my God do some other sellers have a god complex."

"Poshmark allows buyers to offer on items and a lot of sellers take every offer (low ball or a reasonable offer) as a personal insult and will either blast the potential buyer or just straight up block them."

"Some sellers have a 'no response' self policy, where if someone asks a question they refuse to answer because they see it as a waste of their precious time..."

"...now I understand some buyers ask too many questions with no intention of buying but that's just how customer service is baby, sometimes you gotta answer stupid questions!"

-- ladies_and_jellyfish

Inaccessible Storytelling

"Dungeons and Dragons."

"You would think that nerds bonding together over something as wonderfully silly as pretending to be Dwarves and Elves wouldn't breed toxicity, but many of them are not only snobby but extremely elitist about how they prefer to run the games."

-- ASDirect

Ironic Intolerance

"The kink communities in some cities."

"They say they're all about acceptance and everything rosy but can be a toxic cesspool of cliques and power-hungry narcissists."

-- JonSnowsdirtyd***

"Local"

"Surfers. There are cases where someone gets beat the sh** out of/their car wrecked simply for surfing a spot whilst not being a 'local.'" -- FormerGoat1

"Was looking for this one. Everyone thinks it's all laid back and chill but in the water surfers are aggressive, selfish, and hostile to beginners."

"At certain crowded spots (i.e. spots in Santa Cruz) I'll count my session as a win if I go the entire time without some old guy or 'local' getting mad at me for some dumb sh**." -- Franklin-D-Bluth

Aggressive Rascals

Most kid game that have chat features. Club penguin, Roblox, wizards 101, etc."

"Usually if younger children are involved heavily in a games community I usually see a ton of racism and just plain hatred."

-- RTwistedReadsYT

Head on a Swivel Out There

"kpop. idk if it's a no-brainer to y'all now but when I joined I had no idea. the amount of cancel culture, bullying, gas-lighting, sh** talking... it made me so uncomfortable."

"I did not want to be associated with people who send death threats to others who don't like kpop or harass their idols. it makes me so angry and sad that the community is what it is..."

"....because I still enjoy some bands and songs. and I also feel bad that the people with actual healthy love for the genre and bands are ashamed to like what they like because of the shitty ass people."

-- NoodleBooOwO

Allegations of Overstepping

"PETA. They claim to be the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals but they tried to get Pokemon banned which is a fictional video game about collecting monsters (has nothing to do with animals). They also want to turn the whole world vegan."

"If they actually stuck to their core values of protecting animals they might actually be taken more seriously."

-- judas_crypt

Hiking Wrong

"Literally, Outdoors."

"Ever try to go on a quick run or a nice hike with an outdoorsy friend or relative? Or possibly even date?"

"Don't have the right shoes or expensive gear. Don't have the right drinks because water isn't enough anymore. Don't use the right running technique (whatever that means, I learned to run when I was 3 and never looked back)."

"And don't even TRY to find a nice serene place in nature that isn't gatekept by someone who thinks they own the land. It's outrageous."

-- Crowroth

Becoming the Enemy 

"Atheists (and I am one.)"

"If a major problem with organized religion is that it's very tribal (which it is), organized atheism has turned itself into just another tribe. One more version of 'us' against a different kind of 'them'. That's not an improvement."

-- Hysterical_Realist

The Prevention of Vulnerability

"Men to other men. Honestly it's sad how many men try and make others feel like sh**." -- Lethal_bizzle94

"Not surprising" -- Thoughtitwouldlast

"I think there's a fine line between ball busting and actual hatred. Also guys don't hold grudges much at all" -- Wes_Bugg

Only Advice for the Tight Coils

"Curly hair community. Gate-keeping is real. If you have loose, wavy curls or a mixed baby and you're trying to get some curly girl help online.... beware."

"They're coming for you."

-- bigmamaindahouse

DRAMA

"Community theater toxicity caught me off guard when I got into it in my town. Lots of ego, casting drama, and super right wing people with shi**y views."

"That last one is the one that got me the most. Maybe it's just a Florida thing but you'd figure that people into doing musicals wouldn't be the 'all lives matter,' 'I disagree with gay marriage' types regardless."

"Not everyone thankfully, my closest friends also came from doing it"

-- IniMiney

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Small Upgrades That Actually Made A Huge Difference In People's Homes

Reddit user Super_dupa2 asked: 'What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?'

Smartphone showing a lighting switch app
Moritz Kindler/Unsplash

Making yourself feel at home takes work but not as much as you think.

Homeowners, for example, are apprehensive about renovations because of how much costs.

Even tenants renting a home can feel like they're stuck in a situation where they don't feel comfortable because of minor inconveniences they think requires major solutions to fix.

Cut to this Reddit thread, where the ideas for affordable home improvement options were shared that may make you wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Curious to hear some tips from strangers online, Redditor Super_dupa2 asked:

"What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?"

We tend to overcomplicate things when solutions can be simplified.

Taking Charge

"Methodically buying phone chargers with long enough cables to not have to ever move one again."

– ihadtowalkhere

"I am a pretty mellow dad (benign neglect parenting style for 5 kids) but I have two rules. Nobody messes with my bedside charger and nobody steals my two pillows."

"So, as such, I make many, long chargers available for everybody. It costs me a fortune:)"

– nicktam2010

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

"Blackout curtains for sleeping. Such a game changer."

– blehbleh1122

"And they keeps my bedroom cooler."

– BunjaminFrnklin

"Insulated blackout curtains make a 10f difference in my living room on hot days."

– TryUsingScience

A Cool Idea

"Attic heat exhaust fan. Our attic used to get up to 140F on the hottest days, and on those days our ceilings were hot to the touch. The whole house was consequently uncomfortable. Now the attic fan is thermostatically controlled to 90 degrees, and the whole house is cooler."

– jermleeds

"I added a passive whirly bird that does the same thing. Heat rises and escapes before it can accumulate to those extreme levels. It also happens to be clear acrylic so now there's always light up there too which helps keep away any vermin.

– cantwejustplaynice

No major bathroom renovations are required to make tenants happy.

No More Slamming

"Soft close cabinets and toilet seats."

– AreWeCowabunga

"We have a soft close toilet seat at our home and every time I'm at a hotel, I completely forget that they aren't usually soft close and the slam startles me 😂"

– PinkHamster08

Nozzle Upgrades Can Do The Trick

"A better shower. If you can't redo the whole bathroom, just replace the head. This also works if you rent, just keep the old one in a box, so you can bring the nice one to your next house."

– maartenvanheek

"I'm a renter and I finally installed a better shower head this year, after just using the default head in all my apartments for almost 20 years. 10/10, highly recommend."

– Am_I_a_Guinea_Pig

Perfect Welcoming Gesture

"My wife and I own a smallish apartment complex . One of the things we do every time a new tenant arrives is replace the toilet seat. I learned that trick from my parents who had about a dozen single-family rentals. It's amazing the goodwill you receive from a tenant simplify giving them a new toilet seat. We actually put the box behind the toilet so they know it's new."

– YouInternational2152

It's electrifying!

Think Smart

"Smart outlets for Christmas lights, both inside and outside. I have them scheduled to turn on at sunset and turn off at midnight."

– Revolutionary-Try746

"Smart outlets are one of my favorite purchases. During Halloween and Christmas, we’re using multiple outlets for inflatables, house lights, and tree lights. The smart outlets allow you to have everything synced so they all turn in at the same time."

– cppadam

Things Are Looking Bright

"Replaced dated lighting fixtures - fixtures are now properly grounded, the interior looks more updated, and there is more/better light."

– SnooCauliflowers9981

Energy Conservation Option

"Motion activated light switch for the laundry room. Never have to worry about turning off the light when leaving with an arm full of clothing."

– AmazingAsian

Creating an environment can make a huge difference.

Source Lighting For The Win

"Lighting can absolutely make a huge difference in the way you feel in your room. Get some shoulder height (when you are sitting) lamps for your living room. You will notice a shift in how much more relaxed you feel when you use those instead of the overheads."

– ShoesAreTheWorst

Home Art Gallery

"Spending a day mounting my artwork. It felt so much more like my home after that."

– GinGimlet

"Every time I've moved, I put that off for way too long, then finally break down and do it and the house feels so much better to be in."

– Triolion

One major upgrade was our VE hybrid tech water boiler and warmer we got from Japan.

The Zojirushi kitchen appliance uses VE, or vacuum electric, technology for very minimal electricity to maintain the water temperature at a constant 195° so we always have hot water at the touch of a button.

There's no more time wasted boiling hot water over the stove every time we want tea or the occasional instant cup noodles.

Game changer.

man with girl on his shoulders

Brittani Burns on Unsplash

"Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, I'm the center of Daddy's world..." ~ "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine

A lot has been written about the bond between fathers and daughters.

But there's always room for improvement, right?

And who better to offer constructive criticism than daughters?

Keep reading...Show less
woman making the shushing gesture

Bjorn Pierre on Unsplash

Full disclosure at all times with your significant other, right?

Yeah, good luck with that.

Let's get real—there are things we don't tell our partners for a lot of reasons.

Sometimes you just don't feel like having to explain something that doesn't really affect them.

Sometimes you're protecting them from something that will have a devastating effect on them.

These are probably going to be more that second one...

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We all have that moment where someone we know says something so completely absurd, the only response we think of is 'WTF is wrong with you?'

Sometimes, it's something woefully inaccurate that you can't wrap your head around the fact that someone believes that.

Othertimes, it's something completely offensive and you regret your association with that person.

My college roommate was a girl I knew from my high school. I didn't know her too well, but we had some big things in common, so I figured it'd be fun to live with her.

This girl was half-Korean and talked a lot about racist people. At first, I let her rant, figuring maybe she or someone in her family faced some racism. I faced some myself, and I agreed with most of the things she said about racists. Eventually, however, I realized she was equating the word 'racist' with the word 'white.'

I spoke to her once, telling her she can't use 'racist' and 'white' interchangeably. She agreed to stop doing that, but within a few days, she started doing it again. She was a very bright girl, so I was a little concerned about this, especially since her own dad was white and was possibly the nicest man in the world. Not to mention, this made her and her siblings half-white too. Did that mean they were all half-racist?

I stuck by her for a while, but when she started saying things about what she wanted to do to racist people (once again using the word 'white' instead of 'racist'), I realized I couldn't be around her anymore. She couldn't talk about anything else after a while, and every time she spoke, I wanted to say, 'WTF is wrong with you?'

We did not room together the next year.

Redditors have stories similar to mine (and some even crazier), and they are eager to share.

It all started when a Redditorasked:

"What did the person do/say that made you go "what the f**k is wrong with you?"

How To End A Friendship

"In college I used to kill time between classes hanging out with a guy who was from the same redneck county as myself. We didn’t really have much else in common, but he was nice enough and seemed eager to socialize so I figured why not. I wasn’t overly social myself and didn’t know a whole lot of people."

"One day we decided to go somewhere off-campus, and he drove us. While driving, on an interstate mind you, he proceeds to show me his handgun that he kept in his truck - not in a menacing way, but in a “Ain’t that cool?” way."

"I was not immediately frightened, but I respect firearms enough to recognize we are going like 60-70mph on an interstate in daylight, and nothing good can happen in this scenario. I calmly asked him to put it away because I was not comfortable in this situation at all. He then tells me “Oh it’s not loaded” and presses the gun to his head before pulling the trigger."

"Thank f**k he was right, but still it was a wild and frightening display of reckless disregard for his own life and mine for that matter in the event that he’d accidentally killed himself while driving us. I didn’t hang out with him much after that, certainly didn’t get in a car with him."

– omjf23

"“It’s not loaded” famous last words of many an idiot."

– GloInTheDarkUnicorn

The Worst Kind Of People

"When my dad was in the nursing home, they weren't running certain expenses, like ambulance rides, through his insurance. When I took over his financials, he was tens of thousands in medical debt that shouldn't have ever been charged to him in the first place. He was in numerous collections, and his credit score was tanked."

"When I complained to the nursing home director, he said, "Well, it's not like he's going to be buying a house or a car!" Then he laughed."

"My dad was paralyzed from the waist down and needed lifelong care, so he was never going to leave the nursing home. Even though he was technically correct, I gave him the "WTF is wrong with you look." Then I complained to HIS boss and he got canned a couple a weeks later. My dad's insurance was fixed pretty quick, too."

– MNWNM

"“Sorry, what was funny about that? Could you please explain.”"

– v3n0mat3

...Seriously?

"MIL told my wife she should divorce me bc I googled whether a lasagna should be covered with foil while cooking."

– Struggle-Silent

"This is my first laugh of the thread lmao wtf."

– koreantrvp

"It actually ruined this entire trip. It was at my BIL’s wedding, which was only close family (siblings + parents) and they had the caterer make a lasagna for an evening dinner."

"Father of the bride was gonna pop it in the oven and asked if it should be covered. I googled lasagna cooking instructions and said yes it should be covered and cooked at this temp. MIL said absolutely not!"

"Me and the father of the bride kinda gave each other a look and he covered it. MIL was furious and texted my wife that I was an a hole and she should divorce me before we had kids."

– Struggle-Silent

Hostile Work Environment

"Boss at old job told the team we needed to ‘get used to a healthy level of conflict, fear and anxiety in the workplace.’ I dipped so fast after that."

– Prestigious-Energy69

"Similarly, a boss told me that I owed him my loyalty because he was paying me."

– Kylearean

How To End A Relationship

"A girl I was with while we were still together just looked at me while I was driving to her house and said.” You know I would get over you faster than you’d get over me” I was like …… Tf did you just say?"

– omega91301

"Huh. And just like that I'm over you."

– Pineapple_Spenstar

"Honestly, that would absolutely do it for me. When I was younger, I would be stupid and hurt and argue. I'm past 50 and I got no time for that nonsense."

– Terpsichorean_Wombat

There Are Other Ways To Stave Off Boredom

"I was DD for some buddies who wanted to go to a particular dance club in Baltimore. They're all hammered, it's too loud and we've been there for several hours. Casually an older woman next to me chats me up and notices my eyes are nearly crossing from boredom. I explained what I was doing there and casually (stupidly) mentioned I'm a bit bored. This psycho BITES ME on the chest! Afterward says "Well ya ain't bored now, are ya??""

– Mike7676

"Well, were you bored after that?"

– DontWannaSayMyName

"I must say, I was not!"

– Mike7676

That Goes Both Ways!

"I'm a man who works with kids, and when I started this job, I was talking to one of my old coworkers about how every once in a while I'll get weird looks for being a man working with kids and my coworker said I deserved it because some men can't be trusted with kids. I was shocked and she went on to say that I did it to myself and deserve to be questioned about it. I immediately stopped talking to her."

– Dolhedew

"What? What in the actual f**k? Doesn’t she know there are women who can’t be trusted with kids?"

– Anonymoosehead123

That Escalated Quickly

"The lady that accused my kids of cutting the line. (They hadn't, I was watching). When I went to ask her what was wrong, she told me to go back to my own country with that sh*t. (I was born in Massachusetts.)"

"The line was to pet dogs at a Renaissance Fair."

– pasafa

Everything All At Once

"While alone with a coworker, he told me that "women in the work place will lead to the decay of the fabric of society" to me. A woman. He also asked me out, got an attitude when I didn't say yes and continues to walk around with huge incel energy. He always complains that he has no one to go home to yet refuses to look at himself as a possible reason."

– Nopeferatu31

"Sounds like they should learn something from the phrase, "if you meet one a**hole, they're the a**hole. If everyone you meet is an a**hole, you're the a**hole.""

– tmpope123

Ouch!

"I told a coworker my wife had died."

"Her response: "You're one of those bald middle aged guys with a dead wife.""

"Me: "Yeah.""

– WalrusCello

"I want to think this was a wholesome thought that came out wrong. An awkward attempt at dark humor."

– ThisUsernameIsTook

*Cringing*

"Had an otherwise normal co-worker who was completely convinced windmills will cause the earth to stop spinning."

– Shadowmant

"WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!"

– Torvaun

These are all crazy 'WTF is wrong with you' stories, but that last one blew my mind in 'how is it possible people think that could be true' sort of way!