We've all heard the phrase "there are no stupid questions" but ... um ... most of us would beg to differ.
You know you've heard some really really disturbingly dumb questions in your life - and we'll give you a chance to sound off on those in a minute, but first...
Reddit user clock_working asked:
They say there are no stupid questions, what question have you been asked that disproves this?
Truly this is a magical parade of questions that just leave you staring, slack-jawed and slow blinking. Take some deep breaths before you go in, guys. It's bad.
A Mothers Concern
I overheard a pregnant woman on the phone say:
"I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. What happens if this baby isn't mine?"
I looked around to see if anyone else heard what she said. I wanted someone to share that moment with. Nobody else did.
Washing The Sheets
Me and my girlfriend were getting into bed for the night. She goes to sleep at like 10pm for work and I stay up all night watching TV shows, but I like to keep her company until she falls asleep. She was mad at me for not washing the bed sheets like I said i would that day. We had other sheets, but she really liked these and I did say I would wash them.
So I'm lying there feeling guilty an idea pops into my head. I excitedly ask "Want me to just clean the bed sheets and stuff while you are asleep?"
In the most monotone and unamused voice she replies "How? I'm in the bed."
I haven't felt that stupid in a while.
Circumcision Questions
"How do you know if your baby is circumcised? Can they see it on the ultrasound or do you have to wait until he is born to know?"
We were 19.
- Furvent
My ex husband (who was 28 at the time) did not know he was circumcised. We were discussing if we were going to get our son circumcised and I said that I didn't feel it was necessary. He agreed, adding that circumcised penises looked weird and gross. I stared at him for a moment and said:
"Yoooou do realize that you are circumcised, right?"
Spoiler Alert: He didn't. Sex Ed is important people.
My ex boyfriend insisted he couldn't possibly be circumcised because he wasn't Jewish.
Land On A Cloud
Former co-worker who was going on holiday: "So what would happen if my plane breaks down while it's flying? Can we just land on a cloud and wait for the recovery?"
No, you'll likely plummet to your death.
- Tricks23
Oh Canada
I'm Canadian. Was living in the US for a couple of years. People were fascinated by it. Just a few of the abysmally stupid questions I was asked:
Asked what country I was from, I replied "Canada". They asked what street that was on.
Asked by my kid's teacher if women had the right to vote in Canada.
Asked many, many times what it was like to live in an igloo. Always replied that I had no idea, I'd never even been in one. Was then asked many times what I lived in. Told them we had houses, just like theirs. They were shocked.
Asked what we did with our sled dogs when we moved. Replied we never had sled dogs. Was asked how we got around. Replied that we drove. "They have ROADS in Canada?!"
My kids' principal was concerned about their education level when we registered them in school. Had they had any "real" education? Would it take long for them to learn English? Had to explain that my kids were native English speakers and that Canada has a better education system than the US.
How did we move here? Drove. "But that's not possible! There's no other countries, it's north AMERICA." Then showed me a map of the US and Alaska to prove their point; they believed Alaska just floated out there in the ocean like an island.
I could go on. It was surreal.
What's On The Other Side?
Looking at a world map:
"If all the continents are facing this way, what's on the other side?"
She knew the earth was round, she just thought all the continents are all smooshed up on one side.
How Mermaids Are Made
GiphyI was not asked this, but my biology teacher was. This girl asked:
"If a man, like, sperms into the ocean and a fish eats it, is that how mermaids are made?"
She was completely serious. My biology teacher was just baffled and didn't know what to say.
- TealGame
How Returns Work
Working retail way back in the day.
Her: So if I don't like this, can I return it?
Me: Sure, within 30 days.
Her: So if I do I get my money back?
Me: Yup
Her: But I get to keep the item too, right?
Me (Internal face palm): No you have to give it back.
Her: But why?
This took about another 5 minutes of explaining how economics in general work. She really didn't understand that returning an item involved returning the item.
Carbs Are Great ... But Not This Great
Potato farmers, apparently...
GiphyA girl in my class asked how potatoes could be so cheap when you had to put a piece of coal under a mountain for thousands of years?
She thought potatoes were diamonds in progress.
- LerpDife
"After a recent study found 1 in 8 men under 35 admit to taking condoms to funerals "just in case", what's your experience with this?"
Select Crowd...
"I went to my grandma's funeral and hit it off with this hot nurse."
"Things were going great until my brother pulled me aside and said it was my second cousin."
'You know who shows up at funerals for old people? "
"Family members."- bumblef**kglobal
"I remember seeing a really hot chick at my grandmother's funeral."
"Immediately thought was I should chat her up."
"Then my brain went to, 'What if she's family and we just never met?'"
"I just went back to mourning."- VideoGameDana
Okay then...
"Once I was dating a girl whose dad absolutely forbid us from dating."
"Like, would lock his daughter in her room and take her phone to make sure we did not communicate."
"She told me when we spoke for a moment at Starbucks that she would date me if her dad was out of the picture."
"He died is a car crash on the freeway, and since her mom liked me invited me to the funeral."
"My girl and I sat next to each other at the funeral and couldn't wait, got it on in the parking lot of the funeral home."
"Condom was necessary."- crunchysquare
car studio GIF by ZI ItalyGiphyNever The Funeral, Always The Wake
"Ngl, some of the best parties I’ve been to have been wakes."
"In no way disrespectful, they were a celebration of the person’s life and also a massive tension release after grimness of the funeral itself."
"So I’m not surprised some people take a condom just in case."
"I’ve never done it, but I didn’t often expect to get laid regardless of situation."- Goryokaku
Oops...
"Proudly in the 7 out of 8 camp."
"But the 1 in 8 aren’t wrong."
"Heard through the family grapevine that one of my female cousins met a dude at a funeral and they banged it out the same night."
"Also turns out they were related (what’re the odds at the funeral of a relative? )."
"Distant enough they would never see each other again (different branches of her family), close enough that their family photo albums have overlapping people."- ESQBOJaguar
If You Really Think About It...
"Biologically speaking mourning/death triggers mating instincts as though that death tells the lizard brain in us that we need to procreate because death is scary."
"Scum'ically speaking, funerals typically leave people especially women in a state of fragility that leaves them vulnerable to suggestion and coercion."
"Socially speaking, some people, both men and women, seek comfort and company after/during a mourning period and when two people engage in comforting each other emotionally through a death it can trigger chemicals in the brain that cause the idea of connection or chemistry which can inevitably lead to copulation."- KURO-K1SH1
Season 18 Episode 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyBetter Safe Than Sorry!
"If you forget to bring a condom you increase the chance of casual sex with 10.000%."
"It’s a well-known fact."- Mukkeman
Not Just Men...
"I'm not a man and I've taken condoms 'just in case' pretty much anywhere."
"I've told folks to take condoms 'just in case' to a festival who I was sure would never have a one night stand and who I had never even seen mingle with any man/woman."
"It's a safety."
"The thing costs less than a dollar, but if anything somehow would happen, not having it could cost you your healthiness or independence/freedom due to a child being your new responsibility."
"Unless you absolutely, 100% am sure you will not be having sex that day, and no one will be able to change your mind - carry a condom."
"And having visited a funeral is likely not impactful enough to everyone to make them absolutely sure of that."-deterministic_lynx
It Is, Indeed, A Source Of Comfort...
"I'm a woman, but I'm going to point out that grief affects everyone differently."
"Some people get an intense need for sex when they are grieving, I speak from experience here."
"Perhaps they're carrying them everywhere already, but choosing to take some specifically to a funeral makes perfect sense to me."- Sexy-Snowflake
"My bf's son died, and his sex drive was significantly higher around that time period, I think it's just a way men deal with stress."- Arielxxxlee
Sexy Ava Gardner GIF by Turner Classic MoviesAlways Listen To Your Mother...
"When I turned 15 my mom told me to always have a condom in my wallet just in case."
"That was before people realized it was really bad to keep it in your wallet."
"So yeah I’ve been pretty much everywhere with one 'just in case'."- euphoria110
If It's Already There, Why Take It Out?
"I do too."
"I'm not going to remove the random condom that is in my wallet just because I'm going to a funeral."
"Not that I ever needed one, I'm still a virgin BTW."- azarbi
When One Life Ends, Another Begins...
"I’ve heard that the proximity of death increases the desire to make new life."
"Anecdotally, my FIL and MIL met at a funeral and 9 months later my husband was born."- KerouacsGirlfriend
Lionel Messi Hug GIF by FC BarcelonaGiphyNot SPECIFICALLY Funerals...
"We bring condoms everywhere, 'just in case', not only the funeral, you silly!"- WeetIkVeelNL
No one should be judged if they happen to have a condom with them when attending a funeral.
After all, should the moment arise, better to be prepared and safe.
On the other hand, if any of these people are attending the funeral with the intention of "getting lucky", that's just... yeah...
Redditor Spinksy48 wanted to understand the fun of letting your opponent lose by just doing nothing, so they asked:
"What is your 'never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake' moment?"
If the story starts to get really crazy, just wait for a break.
Then ask a question from the beginning.
I guarantee you know more of the lie than they do.
Just keep talking, friend.
Gotcha
Dashcam Hello GIF by TranscendGiphy"I let the lady who changed lanes into me run her mouth about how I rear-ended her before pulling the cop aside to show him my DashCam footage."
ThrowingChicken
A Cherry Wave
"I was accused by a neighbor of reversing out of my drive and hitting his car. He gave me the date and time I had allegedly done it and pointed to a (small) scrape on my car that supposedly matched perfectly the location of the dent on his. This was 7 weeks after the alleged event, by the way."
"I said it wasn't me but told him to contact his insurance and we'd see what they said. A few weeks later I get a letter from my insurance asking what had happened, to which I responded with the date I had bought my car (and updated my insurance) - two weeks after the supposed bump."
"He never spoke to me again but I used to give him a cheery wave every time I saw him glowering at his window."
Gazcobain
Speak Once
"In a meeting with my project manager who has not been in the office or worked a proper full day for MONTHS, she has increasingly been annoyed by people bypassing her to get things done by telling me and her other direct reports what to do."
"I was about to answer a question for stakeholders, and she told me to let her speak one sentence and will let me have my bit. I did as I was told, and she told the stakeholder a completely wrong thing about the system we were handling and made a complete fool out of herself. She got sacked this month."
choiaera
We Hated Each Other
"Guy stole a presentation from me, this is 25 years ago. We hated each other. When he started presenting I realized I had made a huge error, didn’t say anything. Let him get through it. Asked him about the error, but he couldn’t answer. This was in front of COO. Got fired, not for just that, he was an overall douche. This was before everyone was on PCs, and had one printer in one room."
Bmilvis
Whoops
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When a coworker who I hated got fired a few weeks after I decided to stop fixing his mistakes even if it impacted a client."
Hrekires
It's always thrilling to see the bad colleagues go!
Bye. Bye. Bye.
I will see you on the 15th
Idiot Reaction GIFGiphy"Not my story, but several years ago my older brother was fighting for custody of his son with his ex-wife. As the first custody hearing date approached, they were exchanging [un]pleasantries over text and my brother ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm not continuing this conversation. I will see you on the 15th.' The ex-wife told him, 'The hearing is on the 25th dumba**.'"
"So of course instead of correcting her, my brother just allowed her to keep thinking it was the wrong date, and she missed the first hearing entirely. It became the first of many mistakes she made in the court system that eventually led to my brother and the woman who is now his second wife winning full custody of his son."
Damn_Furries
Follow the Prints
"I'm working on a job site and the architect is there one day. I've been given some light fixtures for the sconces in a leasing office lobby. The fixtures are meant to be hung from a ceiling, they can't be installed on a wall. I attempt to convey this to the architect, but he brushes me off and just tells me to follow the prints."
"I turn to the apprentice and say, well you heard the man, put them up. A bit later, we hear the crashing of glass. The architect asks what was that? I said your light fixture. As I picked up a broom and dustpan to go clean up."
Ohhhhhhthehumanity
No Debt
"As I was being fired from a job, the district manager requested we record the conversation. He thought I was gonna be very upset, so I obliged. Then when he started to tell me why I was being fired he started with, 'You are gonna be graduating college soon, and we want to make sure we get ahead of you leaving us.'"
"I very calmly asked him to send me the recording right after he said that. Then later that day I called a lawyer. I now have no student loan debt."
JRTHEAMAZING
The Screams
"I reminded my ex-wife the divorce court was the next day and was invited to Get F**ked. So I went by myself, she failed to appear and pissed off the Judge so he asked what would be my desired outcome for assets and Custody of the kids. He wrote down whatever I wanted and I could hear her screams when she read the Orders from 3500km away."
comfortablynumb15
Silence
"There's a thing in law enforcement/legalese called a spontaneous utterance. Many many people will bury their own cases with these while bi*ching and moaning at their arresting officer on the way to jail."
raccoonsonbicycles
That last one is good knowledge to have in the back pocket.