
It takes a serious survival instinct to make it through school. It's one of the hardest environments in which to thrive, but these students have come together to share their secrets and make the school experience a little easier.
u/MisterHomerJSimpson asked:
Students of Reddit: What is your best school life-hack?
Here were some of the answers.
Sweat
Find time to get some exercise in.
All of that grab n go/fast food catches up to you fast
I got fat as f*ck in college and have since lost all that weight. I wish I made time to at least squeeze in a 30 min workout every other day.
Food Practice
For all my fellow commuters out there: Meal Prep!
You will save so much money by making some rice and chicken at home instead of buying some food every day. I used to buy subway twice a week as i was at school for a long time of those days. I just started to do meal prep and i feel so much better about not spending that much money anymore.
I Know Nothing, Jon Snow
If you need to participate in group discussion but aren't sure about the material, ask intelligent questions instead of trying to answer what you don't get - it'll buy you time and you'll still be participating.
See the professor/ta during their office hours if you need extra help understanding something. No one comes to office hours and they're usually really happy to help.
Anti-Procrastination
My classmate took up a strict 9-5 school schedule, right from the first semester. Every day, he'd work 9-5. He was either in class, working on homework, or studying if he got everything done. At 5pm, he'd pack up his stuff and was done for the day.
He had all his homework done way ahead of schedule and never had to pull all nighters or waste weekends on homework. He was never stressed out or anything like that because he'd spent time studying when he wasn't slammed with homework.
I could never manage it because I'd rather procrastinate and start 3 hours before it was due, but it seemed like the best way to do it.
Money Savin'
You can google by file type. Using the syntax
filetype:pdf Name of the Textbook I Need
will often give you downloadable versions and save you hundreds of dollars. Plus being able to ctrl+f a textbook is a lifesaver.
This of course can be applied to any other file extension
Tricking Your Brain
If you don't know how to study, or have a hard time getting yourself to do homework: Get a friend to buddy with.
My ADHD a** can't study to save my life, but if my friend is in the room concentrating on that sh*t, I feel like I don't want to be left out, and I'll buckle down so we're on the same page.
If you can't manufacture executive function, peer pressure is fine too.
Please, Please, Please
As someone who just graduated college, do yourself a favor and actually go to class. You're paying for the chair (if you're in the US) and there is research on a correlation between greater absences= greater likelihood to fail a course. I know you hate the class, but go. I might literally be begging.
Sacred Space
Your goal is to find the bathroom on campus that's used infrequently and find out when they clean it. When you find the perfect time and location, don't tell anyone until you graduate.
Metamillions
You've got to play the meta-game. If your lazy and unorganized like me, you won't have time to properly study for everything and complete every assignment. That's when you look at the grade distribution and start with the items that are worth the most.
Reminders For My Sanity
All my college student friends out there:
Make sure to give yourself enough time to sleep every day.
Get a little exercise when you can. It helps relieve stress and works to counter all the cup-o-noodles you're likely chowing down on.
Personal hygiene is huge. Shower every day, brush your teeth, wash your hands. It'll make you happier and believe me when I say that people can ABSOLUTELY tell when you don't do these things, regardless of how well you try to mask it with deodorant/gum.
It may be tempting to relax first and wait to do projects/papers later before they are due, but if you do the opposite you will find that there is WAY less stress involved.
Meal prep is a great way to make sure you are eating well while saving as much time as possible during the week.
Talk to your instructors. Get to know them. Their advice can be invaluable in knowing what they expect in the classwork and homework, and after you graduate you will want to ask them for letters of recommendation for jobs. If you don't have a relationship with them they are less likely to give you one.
Likewise, talk with your classmates. Lifelong friends are made in college, sometimes in the most unlikely circumstances/classes. I was a history major and met one of my best friends in a seminar class about genocide, we went out for ice cream and watched cartoons after each class to cheer ourselves up. And now nine years later we still meet up once a week for ice cream.
Remember that no matter how stressed you get, how hopeless things may seem when the world seems to be putting you under as much pressure as possible: There are always people out there who care and who want to help you. Most colleges have student counselors who you can talk with for free and get things off your chest. The college where I work also has a "Zen Den" where you can go to relax, sit quietly in a bean bag chair or hammock, and just get away from things for a minute. Chances are yours may have similar resources for students.
And finally, always remember: You are loved. You are enough. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are irreplaceable.
WikiHacks
If you want to use Wikipedia when writing an academic essay, just cite the sources that Wikipedia cites. Not only does it reduce your workload a lot, but it makes it look like you've done a ton of reading during your research which your professor will be really impressed by.
Become Who You Are
Throw yourself into the course. Network like a maniac. Help out on projects that are tied to professional businesses. Volunteer. Long gone are the days of being paid to start the best band in the world. You are paying for a service so get the most out of it.
Or don't go and get a job instead. Master that, make cash money, train and get qualifications.
Or f*ck about with a minimum wage job, do the festivals, travel, hike up mountains and camp under the stars, join the greatest band in the world or learn to paint. Do something while you learn what you really want to do.
Mostly? Wear sunscreen.
Teachers Gonna Teach
Teacher here, but I work with hundreds of students every day.
Here's the 100% best school hack ever. ASK QUESTIONS! If you're confused about something, ask. If you forgot something, ask. If you need something explained again or in a different way, ask. Ask, ask, ask.
Teachers choose the job they are in because they want to educate. We aren't doing it for the hours, the pay, the prestige, the summers off, or the joy of working with apathetic children and their angry parents. We stay in the career because we want to make the future generations better than those that came before.
Most of the time, we can't help you if you don't let us know you need help. Ask, ask, ask, and ask some more. If the teacher doesn't want to help you, keep asking around until you find someone who will.
Also, learn to ask good questions. Don't just say "I don't get it," because that's not a question and the teacher (or whomever you are asking) has nothing specific to go on. Instead, say, "What do you mean by these directions?" or "What am I supposed to do here?" That helps narrow down where your struggles are and lets the teacher zero in on how best to help you.
Good Tips
College instructor here. Here are my best tips for getting good grades in my classes:
- Read your syllabus. It'll tell you what the assignments are and how much they're worth for your total grade, so if you're in a situation where you're in a time crunch and have to choose between doing two assignments, you can do the one that's worth a larger percentage of your grade. Not that I advise skipping homework, but if you have to, you have to.
- Get a calendar and plan ahead. At the beginning of the term, you should write down when the tests are, but also the due dates of the large projects. Then, working backward, set milestones about how far you should be on the project so you don't procrastinate and try to cram it all in at the end. Once you have a plan set up, follow it.
- Do the work with the intent of the question in mind, not the literal wording. Instructors aren't always perfect in their wording, so if a question says something like "Do an internet search for software to help you in [whatever discipline] and explain what you find, do what you know the professor is asking, don't just write "I did a Google search and a bunch of links came up." You won't get points for being clever.
- Use correct grammar and spelling. You'll get a bad grade if I have to decode your answers.
- DON'T use services like Quillbot or Chegg. If your answer comes too close to the textbook company's answer on a short-answer question, you're going to get flagged as a potential plagiarist, and I'm going to watch your answers like a hawk for the rest of the term. Just do the work as assigned. It's not that hard (unless you're going into medicine or physics or something like that, in which case it is that hard, but you need to actually learn it, so you should do the work anyway).
- Do projects outside of school that are related to your field of study. This stuff stands out in a big way when it's time to get a job. When an interviewer asks "What did you do outside of class" and you can say that you worked on a project related to your field, you'll see the interviewer's eyes light up.
- Learn how to eat like an adult. A lot of people never learn how to do this. Good nutrition will not only keep your weight in check, but you'll have more energy during the day (and for study sessions at night). And Coffee =/= energy.
- Learn to drink like an adult. Binge drinking will make you feel awful, and will take you days to recover. Have a good time, but know your limits and be safe.
- Don't come to class high. I will know, and you'll be branded as "that kid who comes to class high."
- Use the opportunity to meet people that aren't like you. Sounds corny, but we all live in our own bubbles, and school is a great place to learn about cultures unlike your own.
Good luck, students!
Nu-Nutrition! Nu-Nu-Nutrition!
Buy a Crock-Pot and find some cheap recipes online. Saves time, money, and you get more nutrients than cheap ramen soup. Also, depending on how big it is, you might be set for at least a week's worth of food.
An Essay On An Essay
How about how to actually write a decent essay?
There's all sorts of college "hacks" out there, but what about the one that makes everybody squirm? Once you learn how to write a college paper, you'll want to die a little less. Read below.
First fundamental rule: Schmooze the professor by agreeing with his logic. Come on. Easiest trick in the fucking book. Don't be a total kiss ass though. Also, avoid big ticket issues if you get some freedom with topics. Do you really think your professor wants to read ANOTHER paper on abortion or gun rights? You need to be a hipster here to get some attention.
(Though i have to admit, writing an essay explaining the benefits of slavery to my black African Studies professor was just...awkward. I choose the economics route. There's a reason the Confederacy couldn't produce jack shit for firearms during the Civil War and it has a lot to do with lack of mechanization.)
Every essay of any given length starts with a general set of rules that must be known and applied. Failure to do so will result in suffering and poor grades.
- Avoid unnecessary bullshit. Does that sentence need to go there? No? Get rid of it, or move it. Students tend to write stupid, irrelevant shit in a futile attempt to pad their essays. If you follow the instructions below, you won't need to pad your essays, because there will already be enough padding in them! If it is truly relevant but only has one sentence, consider exploring it further. It may fan itself out into an entire paragraph.
- No I or me statements unless requested by the professor. Third person only. Need a feel for this? Read a few academic articles on the subject of your choosing. Notice how things are written. It's rather dry, unfortunately, but it gets A's.
- Correct formatting is a must. Thankfully, templates are available on-line for all major academic formatting styles, meaning you can focus on typing and then slapping it into the template document at the end. Again, as mentioned in the prior post, Citation Machine is a must. Cite your works as you go. Keep a copy of cited works for yourself if you can. The Purdue Owl is a must. Your professor is going to make you buy the APA/MLA/Chicago Tribune book. You'll likely never read it, because all the information in that book is concisely written on the Internet, and more specifically, on the Purdue Owl, with nicely formatted sample text so you can figure out how to cite a page in your essay text and move on with your life.
- Run your shit by your teacher at least once, preferably twice, when 1/2 to 3/4 of the work is done. They can prevent catastrophic fuckups. Nothing is worse than having to rewrite a paper in three days.
- Understand that this process takes time. You will still fail horribly if you try this in one night. Pace it out over two weeks, though three is best if you can afford the time. That way you can muse on the work and get some nice, solid ideas for analysis. Half my decent ideas came at the bus stop or while walking home from class. You can't squeeze out really good ideas like that if it's 3AM and you're in the library.
- A correctly written academic paragraph can run at least ten to twenty sentences. it gets worse if you can actually can explain it in detail.
- Understand that at the end of it all, you really are just polishing a turd. And since Mythbusters proved you can do such a thing, you can too.
- Ideally, you'll want to have some ideas listed out. Since drawing diagrams and storyboards and all that seemed like stupid, pointless bullshit to me, I simply wrote down a shopping list of ideas that would form each paragraph. Not a lot of detail, usually one or two core sentences. It's a start....
- Unless your University's Writing Workshop is in cahoots with your professor and their associated assignments, don't expect them to help you actually think of what ideas to write. Not only that, but most of the time, they are SWAMPED before a big essay is due, and wait times are long. They will not have time to help you write your essay in any meaningful way, and even if you do set up an appointment, it is usually not at an optimal time.
- This is not a catch all formula. This generally works for most humanities classes where it is expected that you read some stuff, analyze it, and write a paper. In more technical areas, it still works, but you'll have to tweak it a bit.
So your first piece is going to be the introduction. This section is of importance, not in terms of your content, but with how you set the stage for your reader (e.g the professor). Psychologists have noted that people are able to remember only the first and last parts of anything, including lists, books, movies (who remembers the end of a move in detail, but are kind of fuzzy on the rest of the details?). So make sure the first and last parts are decently written. As Judge Judy says, you only get one first impression...don't screw it up!
Luckily, you actually have some flexibility here, which is a luxury. You have to introduce the topic, and you can usually do this in a variety of ways. Personally, I start by rattling off some statistics, numbers, or facts in a clever (yet academically professional) way, or maybe tossing in some tangentially related anecdote. A good first sentence sets the stage though, so pay attention to that, be creative. After that, there's the introduction of the topic, the issues to be covered, and thesis sentence. It's what you're going to be trying to prove (or disprove). This should be the last sentence in your paragraph. No analysis here though. Then it's just a chain. A long, stupid chain of the same crap over and over and over and over until you reach your conclusion. You'll transition cleverly into the subject of your next paragraph, and don't skip this crap. transitions take the clunkiness out of your essay. "One of the first things that can be noticed about bullshit XYZ is that...", while your intermediary paragraphs will have a transition that references the last paragraph, and somehow ties it into the last one. "While XYS was interesting, Characters Jerry and Gazorpazorp are important as well for a variety of reasons. One of these reasons is blah blah blah im too lazy to keep up the example."
Once you get your transitions out of the way, you just start rattling off your supporting pieces. This includes quotes, citations, and an explanation of evidence. Just keep barraging them until the next piece. There may be some mild explanation here, but don't get too analytical. That's the next part. Each piece of evidence should be transitioned with "additionally", "secondly" "finally" "even further" and "furthermore" before you you discuss each piece of evidence. Use them tastefully, and hit the thesaurus once in a while to prevent word fatigue (this is a common problem, where students use the exact same word or phrase multiple times because they are being unoriginal. This is a problem because it tires the reader and sounds terrible. Don't do that). If you learn nothing else from reading this, understand how powerful these little words can be in getting a decent sentence in your paragraph. I have noticed, in my college years, that the crappiest essays I have read from my peers DID NOT include these phrases. While including them doesn't guarantee an A per se, it certainly adds that pizazz that good essays have. Again, we must focus on polishing the turd...
Last section of the paragraph is the analysis. You'll circle back around to your supporting pieces and then somehow tie them back to your thesis in some fashion. But you actually have to analyze them and come to some deeper conclusion than anything superficial, otherwise you are just wasting your time, and honestly, you are most likely completely missing the point of the entire assignment. You are not writing a book report, remember that. That's for elementary school. We're talking about discussing the underlying social themes of a book, the significance of someone's actions on a political movement, etc. This is where you actually look at something and realize that there is more than meets the eye.
Rinse and repeat. Eventually you'll hit the limit. Don't go to the minimum. Ever. That's for lazy students, mostly. Finish it when you are finished, unless you have a maximum (I struggled with these, honestly, and usually begged the professor for an extension limit, and they would usually oblige to see what you would spit out).
The conclusion is merely a recap of your essay, in which you will reiterate briefly over your analysis/evidence and how it pertains to your thesis. It is not a very important piece, but needs to be written well nonetheless.
As for grading, it comes down to a few things. Your professor may have a template for grading your paper, or they may just go off of instinct. Most times, they both play in, especially when they have to grade a hundred or more. If nothing else, if you've been a decent, respectful student who came to office hours besides the days before the paper was due and at least made some effort to show interest, it will help a lot. I've even heard from professors that a student who busts their ass can get a bump of at least a letter grade. That makes a C- paper a B-, even if their paper was piss poor and barely grasped anything the professor gave lecture on.
This is the formula. There is still quite a bit of subtlety to writing a decent paper, and I think a lot of students struggle with it even into the formative years of college. I think one of the worst things people do is write what they are thinking. This is actually quite easy to spot, especially from someone who writes a LOT in their free time. People tend to write run on sentences a lot, so it comes off as mixed garbage.
Parse back through your polished turd once in a while and edit as you read. It kind of helps. Freinds also add a nice perspective.
It's a wonderful feeling when you think you've met "the one."
Someone who is so perfect in absolutely every way that you can't help but think that they must be too good to be true.
Only to make the unpleasant discovery that they are, indeed, too good to be true.
As they neglected to tell you one important piece of information: they're seeing something else.
A discovery that is naturally met with rage, sadness, and confusion.
As well as the occasional unexpected, unusual development down the line.
"Guys that sleep with other guy's girlfriends, do you feel bad afterwards? Why or why not?"
Lose A Significant Other, Make A Friend!
"Hooked up with a girl at a party once."
"We hit it off and arranged to go on an actual date the next week."
"About an hour later someone told me her BF had just showed up."
"I gave the dude a beer, explained that I had no idea she wasn't single and that I'm sorry."
"He gave me a massive hug and thanked me for being upfront."
"We both told her to f*ck off and spent the rest of the night drinking and singing karaoke together."
"Top bloke."
"I didn't feel bad; I was lied to, he was betrayed, she was a *unt, nothing more to it really."- 5Volt
Pulled The Plug
"I did it twice not knowing they had bfs."
"Yes, I felt bad afterwards and I totally cut contact when I found out."- born_again_tim
Buh-Bye!
"When I was in college a married woman tried to hide her marriage… to a deployed Marine."
"As soon as I found out, I bounced."
"I never condone cheating."- ItsbeenBroughton
Two People Were Duped
"I actually have a story about this."
"So I hooked up with a girl who had a long term boyfriend at the time."
"I didn't know and we had few encounters over a two month period."
"One day I was curious and decided to look at her socials and that's when I found out about him."
"I never bothered to look because I was being ignorant and it was first time being in a fwb situation so I was excited and wanted to keep it secret."
"As I scrolled down her socials all I saw were pics of them on expensive dates and trips and I just felt so bad for the guy."
"I felt like I had become the thing I hated the most."
"So that same night I decided to DM him about the situation and send him the texts between me and her to show him proof."
"He then called me and sounded really hurt holding back tears and all I could do was just say sorry over and over."
"But he thanked me and told me he would be leaving her."
"I then blocked her number and thought it was over with but later on that week the girl showed up at my place of work and damaged my car."
"Although I was angry at the moment I chose not to press charges as advised by the police (not USA) because the damage was minimal."
"But yea that's my story."
"On a positive note he found a new girl who looks way better and they equally appreciate each other outwardly on their socials so yes it was a happy ending."- rankyy
Even The Idea Is Hard Enough
"I lost a mate this way."
"We were really close friends and he was going through a rough time with his then girlfriend."
"She decided to get back at him by writing some bullsh*t in her journal about her and I hooking up and then conveniently left it out so he would see it."
"It was 100% untrue."
"Friend confronted me on it and I told him it was untrue but he didn’t believe me."
"We stopped talking after that."
"He eventually reached out to me about 6 months later after she admitted to him that she had made it all up."
"The damage was done and we never were the same again."- tizod
This Opens Many Questions...
"I had a brief friends with benefits arrangement with a girl who had a boyfriend."
"I didn't know the guy, and I was young and impetuous at the time."
"After time went on, I started to feel bad about it."
"It all came to a head when she told me she wanted to leave him to be with me and I said no."
"She asked why not."
"I said I couldn't trust her as a girlfriend."
"She asked why."
"I said, you've literally spent the last 2 months cheating on your boyfriend."
"With me."
"Why else do you think?"- Idontdanceforfun
An Agreement Or Just Her Policy?
"I hooked up with a lady at my gym, she didn't say sh*t about being married, she came to my place the two times we hooked up."
"I saw her again at the gym with a dude, when he went off to go do something I went over and said hi, she said don't talk to her here with her husband around, she will call me later."
"She called me later and told me her husband worked out of town a ton, when in town she was with him, when he's out she's free to do as she pleases."
"We did not meet up again."- SomeRandomUser00
Thankfully, They Grew Up...
"I did it knowingly during High School."
"I was dating and she was too, but we both had issues in our relationships and we didn't know how to figure them out."
"Clinging to our toxic relationships we found solace in each other and enjoyed spending time together."
"We ended up fooling around and after we had sex, we both stopped."
"We stayed friends for a while and both continued dating, but eventually both of us were single."
"I regret it, he doesn't know about it, I told my gf and she accepted my apology, even though we did break up about a year later."
"I'm not proud of myself and I still hate myself for it."- Slippy_666
Nipped In The Bud...
"A buddy’s wife tried to get with me once."
"I told her she had 90 seconds to call her husband (my best friend from High school), put the call on speaker, and explain to the two of us why she was a complete POS…or I’d call him myself."
"They divorced the next month."- Pennameus_The_Mighty
Some Secrets Aren't Worth Keeping
"If i know she cheated with me on her dude I let the dude know.""
"i hate that kind of people."- DaEpicBob
It's hard to place blame on those who unknowingly got together with partnered individuals.
Those who knew what they were doing, on the other hand, should have expected there to be consequences of some sort or another.
Do you have any similar experiences, let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized Their Best Friend Was A Complete A-Hole
Sometimes we're so blind to the faults of others.
Learning the hard truth about a best friend is never easy.
Especially if that particular truth is the fact that they were never a good friend or good person, to begin with.
But we see people how we see them.
And one day, we see beyond what we want.
You sort of feel bamboozled.
But when someone tells you who they are, whether with their words or their actions, believe them.
Redditor RealTourelle11 wanted to hear how friendships fell apart, so they asked:
"What made you realize your best friend was actually a complete a**hole?"
I've realized far too many times too late, that some people need to go.
Not all friends are friends.
EXCUSE ME?!
"When she told me she was cheating on her husband, and then I found out she was cheating with MY husband."
7grendel
$40 worth of snacks...
"I was poor and in college, I had the flu really really bad one week and asked my friend (he lived in a dorm across the hall) to go to the convenience store in the dorm lobby and get me something to drink and he could get whatever for himself too. He got me my soda and himself $40 worth of snacks."
"Didn’t notice at the time and I ordered us a pizza, he knew it was all I was going to have to eat for the next few days, and he snuck into my room and ate the leftovers while I was passed out on cold medicine."
"I didn’t even really know how to respond. Like I was already buying him snacks and feeding him… he had a meal plan on campus (I didn’t)… why act like that?"
EmperorMrKitty
Thief
"When I trusted and believed he was like a brother only to have him steal thousands of dollars from me. The money didn’t even matter but the treason hurt for years."
thejourney_89
"Happened to me too. A girl who was like a sister to me stole $80K from my business (her husband did, with her knowledge) and then turned her back on me while I was going through chemo. To be fair, I did tell her the worst thing would be if I lost a huge amount of money like that and that I’d rather have cancer again so I did give her the method to hurt me the worst. So there’s that."
Miqotegirl
Blocked
"Over time we lost contact, then she only reached out when she needed money. I let this go on too long until I found out I was pregnant with my first, and told her then I wouldn't send any money after that. She still asked, my daughter is now over 1.5 yo, and she had never even met her. I ended up blocking her and telling her not to bother trying to reach out anymore."
Beneficial_Affect522
Conversation Over...
"I started to realize that they only ever talk about themselves. They rarely ask me a question, but then cut me off while I’m answering to make it about them."
onemoretwat
Why can't people realize they need to shut up?
Probably because they don't care.
And Me?
"Realizing I am always there for them but it is never reciprocated or even acknowledged or even feigned interested in any thing I am doing in life."
Auniqueusername1983
Favors
"Best friend since elementary. In high school When I told her I no longer wanted to be friends because she was mean to others all the time, including me- she said that I had to be friends with her cuz she was my friend In elementary and middle school even tho everyone told her not to be, and that everyone talked behind my back about how gross and weird I was and she stayed my friend anyhow. She worded it like she was doing me a huge favor by being my friend and that I somehow owed her for that charity."
caffeinebee
In the end...
"Probably when my gf at the time admitted to sleeping with him and my three other guy friends while we were together. Not in an embarrassed way either, she was throwing it in my face to hurt me."
"I hoped against my own instincts that it wasn't true but I asked him and knew instantly from the look in his eyes that it was. Basically lost my whole friend group overnight, but... ended up finding much better friends in the long run. It all works out."
sleepingfox307
The Single Life
"All we ever talked about was her - how she hated being single, who she dated, how jealous she was of other people with partners. She skipped my dad's funeral. She ignored my housewarming party. She'd ignore me for weeks at a time, then suddenly call me up crying because she got dumped."
"I drove her to surgeries and sat waiting to drive her home. Watched her kids. Sat through a hundred weepy nights."
"Then she found a relationship. I have seen her 1x in the past 9 months (because I invited her to get together) and haven't heard from her in 3. I guess she must be happy now, doesn't need me to be a shoulder to lean on. She wasn't ever interested in being a friend to me. I was just someone to cheer her up when she was feeling down."
knastywoman
Loser
"When he got his girlfriend pregnant he got 6 weeks of paternity leave. He lived with me and she had her own place. For months after the child was born he sat home taking advantage of his paid vacation playing 10 hours of video games a day while she struggled with the child."
GuyMansworth
Some people just need to go from our lives.
It's healthy.
Do you have any experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Confess Why They Think Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex Is A Good Or Bad Idea
Why is sex such a dramatic aspect of life?
It carries such weight in our lives.
For some, there's a big debate about waiting for marriage.
Other want to know if they're compatible (both emotionally and sexually) before tying the knot.
Whether it's for religious or other reasons, this topic can put a strain on many adult relationships.
First and foremost, we do know we have to do what's best for us.
Redditor EveningAd3633 wanted to hear about all the reasons to abstain or let loose, so they asked:
"Do you think that waiting until you are married for sex is a good idea? Why or why not?"
Redditors from around the globe wanted to share their experiences.
No Touching
"I know a couple who are waiting until marriage. They both agree on it and are fine with it. But they have ridiculously over the top tickle fights. - _- It makes me so uncomfortable to witness. I'd almost rather see them bang in front of me. It's band camp levels of tension that just won't ever go away."
rlev97
Do we Fit?
"No. We waited and we were not compatible… eventually, he cheated and we got divorced. Also, being compatible sexually is not a reason to get married either."
Whatwhyohhh
"I don’t understand how people don’t get this. It’s the same as any other aspect of marriage—if you aren’t compatible, you shouldn’t get married. It would be like dating someone, and the entire time you’re both blindfolded."
"Then after you’re married you can FINALLY take your blindfold off only to find out your partner looks like someone set their face on fire and put it out with a pick axe. Every aspect of compatibility is important in a marriage."
"Yes, you both change and evolve but if you’re not both 100% committed to weathering these changes and adapting as a couple, then your marriage will probably not be a happy one!"
ThrowRA--scootscooti
All Aspects
"Personally, I think it's good to wait a while before having sex with someone to actually know them, but I wouldn't wait to be married... I think you should know the person that you are marrying on all aspect."
reidjanie
"WELL SAID - and just to take on so many of the other opinions on this thread, it is NOT a good idea to wait until after marriage. It’s not 'fine if you want' it’s actively a terrible idea IF you care about having a sex life. Hoping it will work out through sheer luck? Idiotic."
frecklie
Things Change
"No. Not saying you should f**k everyone that propositions you but you should make sure you are compatible with someone before marrying them. Too many people find out too late they can't stand someone's actual personality. Things change after sex, people calm down and get real, they stop being on their best behavior. Get to know the real person before you marry an intolerable a**hole."
Sithlord_unknownhost
Stay Calm
"If you want to wait, go for it. But don’t set yourself up for waiting until marriage, and then rush the marriage part just to get to the sex."
1107rwf
"Kid I work with is 24. Just got married. Did the deed. Now has a kid on the way. All within 3-4 months of meeting his wife at church. Great kid. But you can see it in his face already. The guy is STRESSED."
PostRdMalone
Roulette
"Paraphrasing Lewis Black: If you wait until marriage to have sex, then you are a gambler on a level I can't even freaking imagine."
Zerotan
Don’t judge...
"I would say it’s not about waiting until you are married but waiting until it is right for both of you. That’s the key point that a lot of people get wrong. They get to it for reasons other than it being right or feeling right."
"So if your belief is that you should have committed to a marriage, then that is what is going to feel right for you. It could also be that within hours (or even minutes) you can feel that it is right for you. Don’t judge the duration, judge the feeling that you have."
Icanicoke
Cause and Effect
"I’ve heard horror stories of marriages being destroyed because it wasn’t until after wedlock that they discovered their sex drives were entirely different. It causes depression, it causes divorce, and in some extreme cases, it pushes people to cheat. I just don’t think it’s worth it to wait when it could potentially make or break a relationship."
Hiding_In_The_Back
He was right...
"My step dad always told me, 'You might like the pair of jeans you have, but there's always a chance you'll find a pair that fits you better.' He was right. There was no shame in having sex before marriage, and he also taught me that as a female, it is perfectly OK to buy and have the condoms. It's also ok to reject a guy if he doesn't want to be safe. Your body is worth more than his sexual pleasure."
nivsei15
More than talk...
"No. Unless you're both asexual, sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and that's not something you can determine just through conversation."
Deaf_Witch
"Sexual compatibility is important for asexual people too, as in having a similar lack of interest in it."
DescipleOfCorn
Thanks to these Redditors for opening up and sharing on such an important topic.
Some really valid points were made about communication, expectation, and compatibility.
Do you have any thoughts to share? Let us know in the comments below.
We've all known someone who tends to say mean things or generally be kind of a jerk.
And whether we want to admit to it or not, it can be fun to see that jerk taken down a few notches with a solid insult.
Ready for roasting, Redditor depressed_jellybear asked:
"What's the best insult you've ever heard?"
Not Your Mom
"When I was in high school, one of my classmates gave our teacher a typical 'your mom' response to a question without realizing the teacher’s mother had just died."
"Without missing a beat, the teacher said, 'Leave my mother out of this. I don’t make fun of your parents, and look what they produced.”
- HopeDeferred
Adoption Jokes Not Welcome
"I was playing 'Pavlov' (a virtual reality game) with a group of people, one of which was this very annoying kid who kept saying something like, 'You're bad because you're adopted,' and stuff like that."
"He did that to one dude, and the guy replies something like, 'I'd return the insult, but that'd imply someone wanted you.'"
"Had the whole lobby erupting. I don't know if it's taken from somewhere or what."
- ClaireBear13492
Underestimated by the Teacher
"Teacher of mine once said to a classmate who kept making the most asinine contributions to the conversation:"
"'You make it really difficult to underestimate you.'"
"The guy had no idea what it meant, he thought it was a compliment."
- robbycakes
Jeez, Dad.
"16-year-old me trying to convince my dad to take my friends and I to see 'American Pie':"
"Dad: So what is it about?"
"Me: A group of high school friends trying to lose their virginity."
"Dad: I can stay home and see that."
- Theromented1
Based on Real Life
"I once asked my cousin if he watched the tv show 'Desperate Housewives,' and he said, 'No, I’m married to one."
- InourbwotamI
The Joke Will Go On
"I remember when 'Titanic' came out. My grandma, my mom, and I were getting ready to see it."
"My grandpa said, 'Don’t know what the fuss is about. I can tell you what happens, the boat sinks. The end.'"
"Lol (laughing out loud). Maybe it was his delivery, but it cracked me up."
- a7xbarbie
So, Anyway...
"The best one I've heard was, ''I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.'"
- scottcree486
Seems Pretty Complicated
"I overheard someone tell someone else, They’d need a recipe for making ice cubes."
- thepiecesaremoving
An Insult for an Insult
“You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”
- Trick-Reveal-463
"And I have the best response for that: 'Well then, I will pray for your health.'"
- Maria_506
New Take on the Clown Car
"I saw a bunch of quite pretentious people getting out of a limo at a club and pretending they’re more than they are to get in ahead of the line."
"The bouncer quipped, 'I can always tell clowns, all arriving in the same car.'"
- preferablyoutside
Signs of Aging
"Some bouncers are brilliantly witty, I assume it comes with working in a job where you have to deal with drunk a**holes all the time."
"A few years ago, I got IDed to enter a bar. I'd recently started buzzing my hair due to hair loss, yet my photo driving license had me with a thick full head of hair from several years before."
"The bouncer looked at the card, then me, and then said, 'Haven't you forgotten something?'"
"I was confused. He then showed his colleague, who nodded and said, 'Yeah mate, you've definitely forgotten something.'"
"Then he pointed to his head."
- Squeaky_Lobster
Good Luck Getting a Job
"You've got a face for radio, and a voice for writing."
- mike_e_mcgee
Girl Quips
"From 'Golden Girls':"
"Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a long, hot, steamy bath, with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms."
"Sofia: You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?"
- LissaMasterofCoin
Randomness Wins
"Context aside, someone once told me I look like I go to the park to punch birds."
- TheRoamingWeeb
While it can feel terrible to need to be around negative people sometimes, there's hope knowing that there are some things we can say that are funny and that will relatively put them in their place.
Now if only some of us could think of the comeback at the moment when it's useful...