It takes a serious survival instinct to make it through school. It's one of the hardest environments in which to thrive, but these students have come together to share their secrets and make the school experience a little easier.
Here were some of the answers.
Find time to get some exercise in.
All of that grab n go/fast food catches up to you fast
I got fat as f*ck in college and have since lost all that weight. I wish I made time to at least squeeze in a 30 min workout every other day.
For all my fellow commuters out there: Meal Prep!
You will save so much money by making some rice and chicken at home instead of buying some food every day. I used to buy subway twice a week as i was at school for a long time of those days. I just started to do meal prep and i feel so much better about not spending that much money anymore.
I Know Nothing, Jon Snow
If you need to participate in group discussion but aren't sure about the material, ask intelligent questions instead of trying to answer what you don't get - it'll buy you time and you'll still be participating.
See the professor/ta during their office hours if you need extra help understanding something. No one comes to office hours and they're usually really happy to help.
My classmate took up a strict 9-5 school schedule, right from the first semester. Every day, he'd work 9-5. He was either in class, working on homework, or studying if he got everything done. At 5pm, he'd pack up his stuff and was done for the day.
He had all his homework done way ahead of schedule and never had to pull all nighters or waste weekends on homework. He was never stressed out or anything like that because he'd spent time studying when he wasn't slammed with homework.
I could never manage it because I'd rather procrastinate and start 3 hours before it was due, but it seemed like the best way to do it.
You can google by file type. Using the syntax
filetype:pdf Name of the Textbook I Need
will often give you downloadable versions and save you hundreds of dollars. Plus being able to ctrl+f a textbook is a lifesaver.
This of course can be applied to any other file extension
Tricking Your Brain
If you don't know how to study, or have a hard time getting yourself to do homework: Get a friend to buddy with.
My ADHD a** can't study to save my life, but if my friend is in the room concentrating on that sh*t, I feel like I don't want to be left out, and I'll buckle down so we're on the same page.
If you can't manufacture executive function, peer pressure is fine too.
Please, Please, Please
As someone who just graduated college, do yourself a favor and actually go to class. You're paying for the chair (if you're in the US) and there is research on a correlation between greater absences= greater likelihood to fail a course. I know you hate the class, but go. I might literally be begging.
Your goal is to find the bathroom on campus that's used infrequently and find out when they clean it. When you find the perfect time and location, don't tell anyone until you graduate.
You've got to play the meta-game. If your lazy and unorganized like me, you won't have time to properly study for everything and complete every assignment. That's when you look at the grade distribution and start with the items that are worth the most.
Reminders For My Sanity
All my college student friends out there:
Make sure to give yourself enough time to sleep every day.
Get a little exercise when you can. It helps relieve stress and works to counter all the cup-o-noodles you're likely chowing down on.
Personal hygiene is huge. Shower every day, brush your teeth, wash your hands. It'll make you happier and believe me when I say that people can ABSOLUTELY tell when you don't do these things, regardless of how well you try to mask it with deodorant/gum.
It may be tempting to relax first and wait to do projects/papers later before they are due, but if you do the opposite you will find that there is WAY less stress involved.
Meal prep is a great way to make sure you are eating well while saving as much time as possible during the week.
Talk to your instructors. Get to know them. Their advice can be invaluable in knowing what they expect in the classwork and homework, and after you graduate you will want to ask them for letters of recommendation for jobs. If you don't have a relationship with them they are less likely to give you one.
Likewise, talk with your classmates. Lifelong friends are made in college, sometimes in the most unlikely circumstances/classes. I was a history major and met one of my best friends in a seminar class about genocide, we went out for ice cream and watched cartoons after each class to cheer ourselves up. And now nine years later we still meet up once a week for ice cream.
Remember that no matter how stressed you get, how hopeless things may seem when the world seems to be putting you under as much pressure as possible: There are always people out there who care and who want to help you. Most colleges have student counselors who you can talk with for free and get things off your chest. The college where I work also has a "Zen Den" where you can go to relax, sit quietly in a bean bag chair or hammock, and just get away from things for a minute. Chances are yours may have similar resources for students.
And finally, always remember: You are loved. You are enough. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are irreplaceable.
If you want to use Wikipedia when writing an academic essay, just cite the sources that Wikipedia cites. Not only does it reduce your workload a lot, but it makes it look like you've done a ton of reading during your research which your professor will be really impressed by.
Become Who You Are
Throw yourself into the course. Network like a maniac. Help out on projects that are tied to professional businesses. Volunteer. Long gone are the days of being paid to start the best band in the world. You are paying for a service so get the most out of it.
Or don't go and get a job instead. Master that, make cash money, train and get qualifications.
Or f*ck about with a minimum wage job, do the festivals, travel, hike up mountains and camp under the stars, join the greatest band in the world or learn to paint. Do something while you learn what you really want to do.
Mostly? Wear sunscreen.
Teachers Gonna Teach
Teacher here, but I work with hundreds of students every day.
Here's the 100% best school hack ever. ASK QUESTIONS! If you're confused about something, ask. If you forgot something, ask. If you need something explained again or in a different way, ask. Ask, ask, ask.
Teachers choose the job they are in because they want to educate. We aren't doing it for the hours, the pay, the prestige, the summers off, or the joy of working with apathetic children and their angry parents. We stay in the career because we want to make the future generations better than those that came before.
Most of the time, we can't help you if you don't let us know you need help. Ask, ask, ask, and ask some more. If the teacher doesn't want to help you, keep asking around until you find someone who will.
Also, learn to ask good questions. Don't just say "I don't get it," because that's not a question and the teacher (or whomever you are asking) has nothing specific to go on. Instead, say, "What do you mean by these directions?" or "What am I supposed to do here?" That helps narrow down where your struggles are and lets the teacher zero in on how best to help you.
College instructor here. Here are my best tips for getting good grades in my classes:
- Read your syllabus. It'll tell you what the assignments are and how much they're worth for your total grade, so if you're in a situation where you're in a time crunch and have to choose between doing two assignments, you can do the one that's worth a larger percentage of your grade. Not that I advise skipping homework, but if you have to, you have to.
- Get a calendar and plan ahead. At the beginning of the term, you should write down when the tests are, but also the due dates of the large projects. Then, working backward, set milestones about how far you should be on the project so you don't procrastinate and try to cram it all in at the end. Once you have a plan set up, follow it.
- Do the work with the intent of the question in mind, not the literal wording. Instructors aren't always perfect in their wording, so if a question says something like "Do an internet search for software to help you in [whatever discipline] and explain what you find, do what you know the professor is asking, don't just write "I did a Google search and a bunch of links came up." You won't get points for being clever.
- Use correct grammar and spelling. You'll get a bad grade if I have to decode your answers.
- DON'T use services like Quillbot or Chegg. If your answer comes too close to the textbook company's answer on a short-answer question, you're going to get flagged as a potential plagiarist, and I'm going to watch your answers like a hawk for the rest of the term. Just do the work as assigned. It's not that hard (unless you're going into medicine or physics or something like that, in which case it is that hard, but you need to actually learn it, so you should do the work anyway).
- Do projects outside of school that are related to your field of study. This stuff stands out in a big way when it's time to get a job. When an interviewer asks "What did you do outside of class" and you can say that you worked on a project related to your field, you'll see the interviewer's eyes light up.
- Learn how to eat like an adult. A lot of people never learn how to do this. Good nutrition will not only keep your weight in check, but you'll have more energy during the day (and for study sessions at night). And Coffee =/= energy.
- Learn to drink like an adult. Binge drinking will make you feel awful, and will take you days to recover. Have a good time, but know your limits and be safe.
- Don't come to class high. I will know, and you'll be branded as "that kid who comes to class high."
- Use the opportunity to meet people that aren't like you. Sounds corny, but we all live in our own bubbles, and school is a great place to learn about cultures unlike your own.
Good luck, students!
Buy a Crock-Pot and find some cheap recipes online. Saves time, money, and you get more nutrients than cheap ramen soup. Also, depending on how big it is, you might be set for at least a week's worth of food.
An Essay On An Essay
How about how to actually write a decent essay?
There's all sorts of college "hacks" out there, but what about the one that makes everybody squirm? Once you learn how to write a college paper, you'll want to die a little less. Read below.
First fundamental rule: Schmooze the professor by agreeing with his logic. Come on. Easiest trick in the fucking book. Don't be a total kiss ass though. Also, avoid big ticket issues if you get some freedom with topics. Do you really think your professor wants to read ANOTHER paper on abortion or gun rights? You need to be a hipster here to get some attention.
(Though i have to admit, writing an essay explaining the benefits of slavery to my black African Studies professor was just...awkward. I choose the economics route. There's a reason the Confederacy couldn't produce jack shit for firearms during the Civil War and it has a lot to do with lack of mechanization.)
Every essay of any given length starts with a general set of rules that must be known and applied. Failure to do so will result in suffering and poor grades.
- Avoid unnecessary bullshit. Does that sentence need to go there? No? Get rid of it, or move it. Students tend to write stupid, irrelevant shit in a futile attempt to pad their essays. If you follow the instructions below, you won't need to pad your essays, because there will already be enough padding in them! If it is truly relevant but only has one sentence, consider exploring it further. It may fan itself out into an entire paragraph.
- No I or me statements unless requested by the professor. Third person only. Need a feel for this? Read a few academic articles on the subject of your choosing. Notice how things are written. It's rather dry, unfortunately, but it gets A's.
- Correct formatting is a must. Thankfully, templates are available on-line for all major academic formatting styles, meaning you can focus on typing and then slapping it into the template document at the end. Again, as mentioned in the prior post, Citation Machine is a must. Cite your works as you go. Keep a copy of cited works for yourself if you can. The Purdue Owl is a must. Your professor is going to make you buy the APA/MLA/Chicago Tribune book. You'll likely never read it, because all the information in that book is concisely written on the Internet, and more specifically, on the Purdue Owl, with nicely formatted sample text so you can figure out how to cite a page in your essay text and move on with your life.
- Run your shit by your teacher at least once, preferably twice, when 1/2 to 3/4 of the work is done. They can prevent catastrophic fuckups. Nothing is worse than having to rewrite a paper in three days.
- Understand that this process takes time. You will still fail horribly if you try this in one night. Pace it out over two weeks, though three is best if you can afford the time. That way you can muse on the work and get some nice, solid ideas for analysis. Half my decent ideas came at the bus stop or while walking home from class. You can't squeeze out really good ideas like that if it's 3AM and you're in the library.
- A correctly written academic paragraph can run at least ten to twenty sentences. it gets worse if you can actually can explain it in detail.
- Understand that at the end of it all, you really are just polishing a turd. And since Mythbusters proved you can do such a thing, you can too.
- Ideally, you'll want to have some ideas listed out. Since drawing diagrams and storyboards and all that seemed like stupid, pointless bullshit to me, I simply wrote down a shopping list of ideas that would form each paragraph. Not a lot of detail, usually one or two core sentences. It's a start....
- Unless your University's Writing Workshop is in cahoots with your professor and their associated assignments, don't expect them to help you actually think of what ideas to write. Not only that, but most of the time, they are SWAMPED before a big essay is due, and wait times are long. They will not have time to help you write your essay in any meaningful way, and even if you do set up an appointment, it is usually not at an optimal time.
- This is not a catch all formula. This generally works for most humanities classes where it is expected that you read some stuff, analyze it, and write a paper. In more technical areas, it still works, but you'll have to tweak it a bit.
So your first piece is going to be the introduction. This section is of importance, not in terms of your content, but with how you set the stage for your reader (e.g the professor). Psychologists have noted that people are able to remember only the first and last parts of anything, including lists, books, movies (who remembers the end of a move in detail, but are kind of fuzzy on the rest of the details?). So make sure the first and last parts are decently written. As Judge Judy says, you only get one first impression...don't screw it up!
Luckily, you actually have some flexibility here, which is a luxury. You have to introduce the topic, and you can usually do this in a variety of ways. Personally, I start by rattling off some statistics, numbers, or facts in a clever (yet academically professional) way, or maybe tossing in some tangentially related anecdote. A good first sentence sets the stage though, so pay attention to that, be creative. After that, there's the introduction of the topic, the issues to be covered, and thesis sentence. It's what you're going to be trying to prove (or disprove). This should be the last sentence in your paragraph. No analysis here though. Then it's just a chain. A long, stupid chain of the same crap over and over and over and over until you reach your conclusion. You'll transition cleverly into the subject of your next paragraph, and don't skip this crap. transitions take the clunkiness out of your essay. "One of the first things that can be noticed about bullshit XYZ is that...", while your intermediary paragraphs will have a transition that references the last paragraph, and somehow ties it into the last one. "While XYS was interesting, Characters Jerry and Gazorpazorp are important as well for a variety of reasons. One of these reasons is blah blah blah im too lazy to keep up the example."
Once you get your transitions out of the way, you just start rattling off your supporting pieces. This includes quotes, citations, and an explanation of evidence. Just keep barraging them until the next piece. There may be some mild explanation here, but don't get too analytical. That's the next part. Each piece of evidence should be transitioned with "additionally", "secondly" "finally" "even further" and "furthermore" before you you discuss each piece of evidence. Use them tastefully, and hit the thesaurus once in a while to prevent word fatigue (this is a common problem, where students use the exact same word or phrase multiple times because they are being unoriginal. This is a problem because it tires the reader and sounds terrible. Don't do that). If you learn nothing else from reading this, understand how powerful these little words can be in getting a decent sentence in your paragraph. I have noticed, in my college years, that the crappiest essays I have read from my peers DID NOT include these phrases. While including them doesn't guarantee an A per se, it certainly adds that pizazz that good essays have. Again, we must focus on polishing the turd...
Last section of the paragraph is the analysis. You'll circle back around to your supporting pieces and then somehow tie them back to your thesis in some fashion. But you actually have to analyze them and come to some deeper conclusion than anything superficial, otherwise you are just wasting your time, and honestly, you are most likely completely missing the point of the entire assignment. You are not writing a book report, remember that. That's for elementary school. We're talking about discussing the underlying social themes of a book, the significance of someone's actions on a political movement, etc. This is where you actually look at something and realize that there is more than meets the eye.
Rinse and repeat. Eventually you'll hit the limit. Don't go to the minimum. Ever. That's for lazy students, mostly. Finish it when you are finished, unless you have a maximum (I struggled with these, honestly, and usually begged the professor for an extension limit, and they would usually oblige to see what you would spit out).
The conclusion is merely a recap of your essay, in which you will reiterate briefly over your analysis/evidence and how it pertains to your thesis. It is not a very important piece, but needs to be written well nonetheless.
As for grading, it comes down to a few things. Your professor may have a template for grading your paper, or they may just go off of instinct. Most times, they both play in, especially when they have to grade a hundred or more. If nothing else, if you've been a decent, respectful student who came to office hours besides the days before the paper was due and at least made some effort to show interest, it will help a lot. I've even heard from professors that a student who busts their ass can get a bump of at least a letter grade. That makes a C- paper a B-, even if their paper was piss poor and barely grasped anything the professor gave lecture on.
This is the formula. There is still quite a bit of subtlety to writing a decent paper, and I think a lot of students struggle with it even into the formative years of college. I think one of the worst things people do is write what they are thinking. This is actually quite easy to spot, especially from someone who writes a LOT in their free time. People tend to write run on sentences a lot, so it comes off as mixed garbage.
Parse back through your polished turd once in a while and edit as you read. It kind of helps. Freinds also add a nice perspective.
Some years ago, I had to advise a college friend to stop chasing the girl he was interested in at the time. She'd already turned him down. Explicitly. At least two or three times.
He wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.
Perhaps he'd seen too many movies where the guy eventually breaks through the girl's defenses and essentially coerces her into going out with him?
Sadly, this is behavior that is tolerated and yes, normalized in our society.
People were keen to share other observations after Redditor EnoughSandwich_7057 asked the online community,
"What's toxic behavior that's considered socially acceptable?"
"Trying to make people..."
"Trying to make people drink/smoke or drink/smoke more when they have firmly declined the offer."
This is a big one that can have disastrous consequences. I am thankful I got a bunch of terrible nights out drinking out of my system by my early twenties.
Being drunk to the point that you're incoherent is horrible.
"I hate the whole prank thing..."
"I hate the whole prank thing, especially when it's done for likes. Scaring or humiliating people for attention just means you are a bad person."
I don't watch any of those videos and I don't understand what people see in them.
"Overworking yourself and then collectively judging others who don't do the same."
I had a coworker like that once, and she was a (minor) reason why I ended up leaving one job, but still a reason nonetheless.
"Taking your work with you..."
"Taking your work with you on vacation. I mean if you enjoy working then that's your thing, but I get sick of people like going through paperwork and having meetings while on vacation. Like dude, stop."
"Looking down on someone..."
"Looking down on someone because of their job."
When people say things like, "If fast food workers deserve $15 an hour..." that says a lot.
"Deliberately misunderstanding what someone is saying so as to make it easier to argue with them."
"People tend to give drunk people..."
"People tend to give drunk people misbehaving a pass if they regularly do it, 'Oh don't mind Tom, he's just drunk.' That just reinforces that toxic behavior."
You can say that again. How many times have you run into bad behavior like this while out and about, perhaps in a bar? It's not fun.
"The fact that we reward..."
"The fact that we reward customers for being wrong. The number of times my old manager would be so exhausted from arguing over the cost of a carton of milk with a customer that she would just give it to them is appalling."
"It reinforces this mentality because even if the customer KNOWS they're wrong they don't care because they will still win."
Annnnd this is why I don't miss retail. I'm fine where I am.
"Verbally abusing minimum wage employees who don't make the rules. If I could change the laws tomorrow I'd encourage businesses to ban pieces of garbage like these who can't operate in public."
"I'm here to do a job..."
"Toxic workplace behavior needs to be top of the list. I'm here to do a job and go home, not be harassed because you don't like some aspect of my personality. Managers who let this slide should be held personally liable."
When you stop and think about it, you realize we live in an imperfect society. It's astounding that some people just tolerate bad behavior and, in many cases, don't even see anything wrong with it.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Parents make mistakes. We want to believe that parents are doing there very best to raise their kids, but sometimes they do more harm than good.
Research into childhood trauma didn't actually begin until the 1970s, so we don't have as much knowledge about our mental health as adults as we might like.
However, a study that followed 1,420 from 1992 to 2015 found conclusive results about childhood trauma:
"'It is a myth to believe that childhood trauma is a rare experience that only affects few,' the researchers say."
"Rather, their population sample suggests, 'it is a normative experience—it affects the majority of children at some point.'"
"A surprising 60 percent of those in the study were exposed to at least one trauma by age 16. Over 30 percent were exposed to multiple traumatic events."
Not all of the things our parents do that were not so helpful technically classify as trauma, but it definitely has an effect on us as we get older.
Redditor Gooncookies asked:
"What could your parents have done better when raising you?"
Here's some of the ways that these Redditor's parents could have done better.
Rules to maintain purity.
"Would've been nice if my dad hadn't convinced me I had to behave in certain ways to maintain my innocence and purity."
"Catholic? I can relate."
"Nope. He's an atheist. He's actually extremely upset that I practice my (non Christian) religion. He just has some really weird ideas about having female children. Like, if I wore spaghetti straps when I was a child he'd say it was like he was living in a brothel."
Becoming afraid of failure.
"Encourage me to do more. I was never pushed to do anything. I mean, I get why some athletes are like 'my parents pushed me too hard where I hated it.' But I was never encouraged to go out for it try anything new. I played little league baseball and decided I thought it was a good idea to try and be a pitcher. I told my mom, but got the response along the lines of 'That's a hard position, and the whole game kind of rides on you, and if you mess up, everyone is going to blame you.' As a 37 year old I now see how that kind of stuff screwed my self esteem up and why I'm so afraid of failure as an adult."
"Same here. Also when I wanted to try anything new my mom was like 'But that's too hard for you, are you really sure you wanna do this? I don't think that you want nor can.' What's even worse than just forbidding, in this way the kid won't 'protest doing it' and get too low self esteem to do it."
"I'm really happy now that I overcame this after I moved out. I started doing all those things I wanted to do as a kid and I freaking love it (but kinda hate the fact that I haven't started earlier)."
"But even if I have a good relationship to my mom I hide a lot of things I do from her, since she still does the same and tries to convince me that I actually don't wanna do what ever I planned."
"But dear mom, sometimes you just need to try new things. if it wont work out who cares!? Even got a tattoo with 'What if I fall? Honey what if you fly?' to remind me if I should ever forget. (And no, my mum doesn't know about it)."
We're allowed to feel our emotions.
"Allow me to express my emotions, treat me like an actually person, actually interact with me instead of just ignoring me and them just telling me to kill myself."
"Wow. I'm so sorry. I think a lot of parents forget that their children are actually human beings."
"Its okay. I'm trying to work through some of that trauma, its easier said than done."
Interest is nice.
"They could have shown more of an interest in my mental health and education."
"I didn't get help for my anxiety until after college and it's so frustrating to hear my parents acknowledge I was an anxious child yet nothing was done. I can look back and see how many things could have gone better for me."
"I had diagnosed ADHD and my mom thought that the meds made my brother and I zombies and decided she wanted us to just be kids. My parents never looked into any kind of non-medication help for my ADHD."
"I'll always wonder what school would've been like if I had the tools to properly manage it."
"I got an MFA, but I feel my entire life has been a whole lot of masking."
I also have comorbid sleep/circadian rhythm disorder which they also never did anything about. Going to the doctor for anything, physical or mental, was not prioritized. But, my parents definitely weren't well off financially, so I imagine that that was the biggest contributor."
Kids deserve autonomy.
"Taught me to question adults and trust myself."
"They thought they were doing the best thing by teaching my sister and I 'All adults are always right and you obey them no matter what,' but it made me a dysfunctional employee and vulnerable to abusive relationships."
"The good news is it can be unlearned. But I hope this new generation will teach our kids to assert themselves respectfully instead of blind obedience."
Why keep up the charade?
"My parents are great people who did a good job raising me, but there was one weird thing they did that still kind of annoys to this day (and I'm 44.)"
"Once I got old enough to figure out that things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren't real they still wouldn't admit it for some reason; I think it was more my mom and my dad just went along with her. But even when I became a teenager and all my siblings were teenagers it's like they still thought it was funny and cute to keep pretending that Santa Claus was real. I don't know why."
"They missed the point of that sort of thing. It's a rite of passage for children to eventually get old enough to figure out that this sort of thing isn't real and for the parents to let them in on it. I was denied that and it still bugs me for some reason."
"I could imagine that being infuriating at 14-15 years old. At that age you're wanting to be seen as more of an adult and I can imagine them not acknowledging Santa as a way of not welcoming me into adulthood/making me feel like a little kid."
Yea that's weird. When I got older and looked back I realized that my folks never flat out said Santa was real. My mom would say something like, 'He's only real if you believe in him,' so she never technically lied to me. Maybe it stems from that, they don't want to admit they lied to you?"
"That could be, but I think it was more a matter of my parents (again, my mom especially) thinking that doing the whole Santa Claus thing on Christmas morning, and Easter Bunny thing on Easter was fun and something that she just didn't want to let go of when my sisters and I got older."
Healthy criticism is necessary sometimes.
"They lacked discipline and parental authority which led us to treat them like our friends, disrespect them. We also couldn't be academically successful because they didn't help us develop a healthy studying habit."
"Kids like it when a parent tells them what to do (I mean, parenting is about teaching a kid what to do, if you just leave it like that, it won't learn anything), help them when they can't get through it, never give negative criticism, but constructive criticism when they fail and appreciate them when they succeed."
"Negative criticism: this type only tells them what is wrong. e.g. 'you can't do this,' 'you are doing this badly.'"
"Constructive criticism: this type gives them an insight into what should they do, you can add what is lacking if necessary. e.g. '[...] is not good behaviour, please do [...] next time, then you would succeed,' 'it looks ok (if it is badly done, then don't say this), but if you do [...] it'd be better / [...] is the correct way.'"
Whatever the situation was with your parents or caretakers, there are ways to heal from this trauma.
Psychology Today says we need to process our emotions, especially if we were taught not to when we were children.
It's important that we break these generational curses.
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Breaking up is something that never gets easier.
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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On the outside, so many professions and careers look glamorous, financially enticing, and fun.
Often we sit back in our own lives and wallow in our dead-end jobs with that "wish I could do that for a living mentality!"
But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.
And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.
So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.
That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.
Redditor MethodicallyDeep wanted hear all the tea about certain careers, by asking:
What is a secret in your industry that should be talked about?
I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Bigmartin scorsese casino GIFGiphy
"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy
"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copiesmail GIF by RabbidsGiphy
"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
ThievesJoseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy
"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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