Students Share Red Flags About Members Of The Student Body Who Went On To Be Criminals
Students Share Red Flags About Members Of The Student Body Who Went On To Be Criminals
[rebelmouse-image 18360524 is_animated_gif=Most people did. It's not such a surprise when we hear our high school bully is in prison for taking it too far. But it is interesting to hear the genesis of the beast.
TakinShots asked Reddit:
Here are some of the anecdotes.
Awful
[rebelmouse-image 18360525 is_animated_gif=YES there were warning signs. From the age of 10 till 15 I went to school with him. It was a small school. I knew he was dangerous. He bragged about torturing animals, I would never be alone with him. Now 25 years later I learn he has been in Jail for the last 20 years for murder. Seems about right
Violent Tendencies
[rebelmouse-image 18359308 is_animated_gif=Had a friend when I was younger that was a little odd from time to time. Invited the kid to my birthday party and he kept shooting my NERF gun at my mother and laughing. I stopped being friends with him after that. In high school, he stabbed one of my other friends with a pencil in the back about three or four times. Fast forward later and he shot two kids. One was in critical condition and one died, all over some herb.
No Shock
[rebelmouse-image 18360526 is_animated_gif=A former classmate was recently convicted of murder, which really shocked me. He was apparently part of a gang who beat up and stabbed another man.
At school they were the "bad boy" type, always skipping classes and getting into fights with other kids. He was always aggressive and violent towards people who he didn't like, including teachers. They were eventually kicked out of school for bad grades and poor behaviour. No one really knew or heard of him after he left school.
The news itself was a shock but looking back, I'm not surprised at the path he took.
Mob Mentality
[rebelmouse-image 18360527 is_animated_gif=Need to say that i don't know what happened to this guy, but back when i was 13 i was in a class with a guy that had bad friends and did all sorts of awful things (vandalism, harassing elderly, stealing, burning appartments). He and his friends got on national news and they all got a 3 month child prison sentence if i remember it right.
The guy himself was what you would say a common "tough guy". He was really full of himself, but when you met him in person you wouldn't think that he was actually doing all these things he did. I even remember that there were times when i was just with him and could just have nice casual talks. But when his friends were close by he was acting cool again.
Dark Undersides
[rebelmouse-image 18360528 is_animated_gif=No? not really. It was out of the blue. Although I wasn't close to the dude, I remember the guy would date the hottest girls and was well liked with just about everyone. He was one of those dudes you'd always be happy to say hi to just because you knew he was a cool guy. People liked him, teachers liked him, girls dug him and dudes would always say wussup to him. He was a charismatic dude and was always fresh with clothes, kicks, haircut, etc etc. I always knew him from a distance and was nothing more but an acquaintance.
He ended up in jail and the partner in crime killed himself.
Lizzie Borden Part Two
[rebelmouse-image 18360529 is_animated_gif=Im from originally from a country area in Australia and went to school with a guy that ended up killing both his parents. There were no warning signs but he was that people noticed but he was a person that generally misbehaved in school and acted out a lot. I think he got life without parole.
Anger Management
[rebelmouse-image 18347332 is_animated_gif=My childhood bully grew up to be a criminal, let's call him.. Albert. Albert was a troubled child from the very beginning in my small home town, no parents- living with Grandma. Now this kid was just off his meds everyday I knew him. Albert loved torturing people by making them squirm, I can remember countless times going to the Counselors office begging to be separated from him or asking him to be suspended and there were times he should have been. I think he threw rocks at me at one point and just got a small smack on the wrist. Fast forward to middle school when this menace is now grown up a bit and he ended up stabbing his own cousin in the arm. He went to juvie and after that I heard he got into selling drugs. Guy was terrible and a punk the entirety of the time I knew him. Heard he was in jail last. So yeah there was warning signs.
Bullying Killed Him
[rebelmouse-image 18353418 is_animated_gif=I was three grades ahead of a kid who went on to commit a double murder, he killed a young mother and her young daughter.
The kid in question lived close enough that he was often among the group of kids playing or riding bikes in our neighborhood.
For whatever reason, this kid was the butt of every joke, he was picked on by everyone, and the bullies really laid into him with gusto. It got so bad at times, that my mother would witness this from the living room window, and come out and shoo the bullies away, even though it was temporary. She patched him up with some bandages more than once.
This kid got so much verbal, mental, and physical abuse from other kids. He probably kept coming around because there were occasions when he'd be accepted ... but once one kid started on the insults, the others joined in easily.
I firmly believe it really helped form the "adult" he would grow into, and I firmly believe his horrible childhood was a big contributor to his moral compass being so screwed up that he would commit two horrendous murders.
Some of you are going to judge me. "Why didn't you stand up for him?". If you think I feel guilt-free on the matter, you're sadly mistaken. We all see things better in hindsight, we all realize things we coulda-shoulda done when it's too late.
I also ask you to consider the timeframe. When he was 10, it was 1984. The "national bullying problem" wasn't even on the radar yet, there weren't anything like school counselors. School shootings were just not a "thing", they happened but they were not sensationalized nationally, and the body count was often 0 or 1 person per incident. We as a nation simply weren't paying attention to bullies or school violence like we are today.
It's sad. News articles say he "lived a life of ridicule" and was picked on throughout his teens and into his early twenties. You probably couldn't convince me that these things, stemming from his childhood, were not a major factor in what made him snap.
Arson Unlimited
[rebelmouse-image 18348646 is_animated_gif=Kid in my class at school when I was six. I was very small, dainty and shy. He was very big for his age and was a year older than me, but was in our class because he'd come from another country where the education system wasn't as good. Kept following me around, trying to hold my hand, pull me onto his knee, kiss me etc. I started having nightmares about him and my mum told the school, so he was moved up into class for his age group and the teachers kept an eye out for me. I moved to a different school a year later when we moved house, but I'd occasionally see him in town and it always made me uncomfortable.
He ended up as a serial killer and hanged himself at 22 whilst in prison awaiting trial. The detective in charge of the case said "he was one of the most dangerous men I have ever met".
He was murdering old ladies, often setting the premises on fire afterwards to try and hide the evidence. Two of his crimes over here weren't picked up as murder at first, it was thought that they had died in the fires. He was caught when he left behind fingerprints whilst killing one old man who had fought back after his wife had been strangled. He attacked and seriously injured a prison doctor whilst on remand.
I was not surprised in the slightest when it came out that he committed these crimes. It was awful though go that the families got no justice, but I'm sure some a happier knowing he's dead.
Don't Do Drugs
[rebelmouse-image 18360530 is_animated_gif=One of my best friends, let's call him Dave, has had some troubles with the law. I've known this guy from the time we were 14 and 15. We're in our early 30s now. In high school, Dave got in a lot of trouble. One of the more notable things he did was counterfeit money on his home computer. He'd print these bills (relatively low denomination), buy something cheap from food trucks and kids fundraising at our school and get pocket the change. One day, me, Dave, and some other kids are playing cards in class when two guys show up at our classroom door asking to speak to the teacher. The teacher immediately stands up grabs a piece of chalk and pretends he was about to write something on the board like he was actually teaching (I laughed hard AF). The teacher speaks to them and say's "Dave, these gentlemen would like a word with you". Dave hands me his pouch and tells me to give it to his brother. Turns out those guys were secret service and counterfeiting money probably wasn't the move. He ended up getting sentenced to some community service hours after going to like family court or something.
Another time, it's Dave's last day in school as a senior. He parties with some guys the night before, drives to school, hits a fence, gets a DUI before school. I don't know what kind of trouble he got in for that but he didn't have to do jail time or anything.
After we'd all graduated he ended up catching a charge because he was on some kind of prescription meds and wanted to drive up the street to get some food. He lights a joint for the ride, puts it out in the ashtray, gets pulled over off a padiddle or something, the cop asks if he was on anything and Dave is like "nah". The officer points at the ash tray and say "what's that". Ooof. I think he had to go to rehab after that.
After this stint in rehab, Dave links up with a buddy who's got construction/carpentry/fixing up houses work in Alaska. He goes out there, and initially he loves it. He's working hard, making money, able to smoke in peace, things are really looking good. After a while, Dave ends up getting work as a dealer in this underground gambling house. He ends up meeting some shady dudes and they introduce him to heroin. Long story short, rehab.
Creepy Men
[rebelmouse-image 18344990 is_animated_gif=Went to college with someone who went on to murder his mother. I don't know that he gave off a murderous vibe, but he gave off a strange, creepy one. He was schizophrenic also, and I think that was beginning to rear it's head while we were in college.
He made people feel uncomfortable. Girls complained about him being stalkerish, peeking in windows, following them home, etc. Always in a catatonically silent way. One day he stood in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders and just stared into my eyes. Silently with an expressionless face. It was beyond creepy. Still I didn't sense anything malicious about him. Just off. Significantly off.
I think I thought "the boy ain't right", and that he needed some sort of mental help, but I didn't think he'd go on to stab his mother millions of times and bury her in his garden.
Another one I met in a yoga class (so not school like you asked, but still). This guy went on to stab his girlfriend to death. Maybe a month after I met him. Oh and he met this girl at a yoga class also!! Bizzarely he actually talked to me about her the day we met. And we met only once. He said something about how he has a girlfriend but they can't be together because she just won't let it. Which was weird. I don't know you. Why are you coming into the ladies changing room and telling me this sh-t, looking like a sad puppy. This guy was so creepy you could feel it in your bones. He had an intense presence. Also showed no regard for boundaries because he came into the ladies locker room and started talking to me.
Now again I didn't think this guy would be a murderer. But I did think this guy would be that creepy stalkery boyfriend from hell type.
Not Smart
[rebelmouse-image 18360531 is_animated_gif=Really minor, but a old school friend of mine (age 7 to 12) is know a small time criminal that is more often in jail then out of it.
He is only 28, but has 3 children from 3 different women. He doesn't have a job, but somehow lives (when not in jail) in a normal house with a "decent" looking car. He does drugs, although I don't know the specifics. He robbed a small store once. And a lot more of that kind of stuff.
As for warning signs? yeah I suppose, he was incredibly rebellious and always wanted to do stuff he wasn't supposed to do. He was also dumb as bricks. But then again, he wasn't the only one and all the others turned out fine.
Odd thing is, I spoke to him like a year back, and he is actually a really nice dude if you know him. Guess he just got steered to the wrong path.
Worst Among Us
[rebelmouse-image 18360532 is_animated_gif=I went to a prestigious law school. My classmate was heavily modified by plastic surgery, and seemed very interested in living a rich lifestyle. She ended up being a very highly paid escort instead of a lawyer. Then married a dotcom bazillionaire. Was convicted of tax evasion, eventually divorced, and I suspect is doing quite well financially.
No surprise at all.
Drugs Are Rough
[rebelmouse-image 18351121 is_animated_gif=Went to school with a girl from kindergarten to graduation. She was fairly popular, part of student government in 6th grade, wanted to go to community college for nursing. She got pregnant pretty young, I think.
She and her boyfriend, who I also went to high school with, showing up in the news for theft, and you can tell by their faces they're into meth or heroin or something. She doesn't have her kid anymore. Lucky for her, her sister is taking care of him.
We grew up in a nice and safe community with a good school district. But yeah, opiates moved in a while back.
Why Does It Keep Happening?
[rebelmouse-image 18359514 is_animated_gif=I grew up with quite several. I find most people you can usually tell what path they are going in life. A few people jump to mind:
One kid murdered his dad. This surprised me since the kid was nice, quiet, relatively shy.
One kid shot two other classmates over drug dealing. The shooter was no surprise. He and I get along well, but he always wanted to act street tough. The victim surprises me since he was a pretty preppy kid.
One kid got in trouble for selling guns and drugs. Pretty surprising since he was a very popular student athlete.
One kid has been in and out of jail his whole life. This is no surprise to me and I avoided him at all costs back then.
Wrong Crowd
[rebelmouse-image 18360533 is_animated_gif=I went to high school with and played football with someone who was shot and killed by police. He was a nice kid but definitely got into the wrong crowd in high school. He wasn't in a gang or anything just made bad decisions. It something you don't expect seeing honesty even if you could see it happening. He was a good kid who didn't deserve to die.
My sophomore year a kid in my grade who I saw everyday and talked with everyday was involved in a murder suicide. That one was definitely odd. He was one of the last people to commit this crime. Very unexpected no warning signs.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.