Straight People Divulge Which Questions They've Been Too Embarrassed To Ask Their LGBTQ Friends And Family
Being someone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community, I always really appreciate open conversation with people outside the community. There's no shame in asking questions--it's best to foster the conversation rather than make assumptions. But straight people will always have questions. Here are some of them.
u/VictorAnichebend asked: [Serious] Straight people of Reddit, what questions do you have for LGBT people you'd be too embarrassed to ask in person?
nobody will expel you from the gayhood......
Sexuality is not black and white, there's a lot of grey areas. So, yes, it's perfectly ok for a gay guy to feel attracted to a girl at some point. I think that's the biggest difference between homosexuality and heterosexuality: If you are gay and kiss a girl nobody will expel you from the gayhood, if you are straight and kiss another man you'll be forever known as a closeted gay. rgb-queiroz
Eye Roll Issue....Giphy
I dated a girl who was pansexual for a time but never bothered to ask her what the difference is between being bi and being pan. Mostly cause it doesn't matter if there's a difference but I am kinda curious because when I was dating her I told a gay friend of mine she was pan and he kinda rolled his eyes. P2Pbytaxes
What was it like to come out to your parents/people you care about? Btw for those that have traditional parents, I'm so proud of you. juandeagen
I never got the coming out story everyone else has, because I was outed to my parents. The hardest person to come out to was a girl I worked with who obviously had feelings for me. Tried to let her down gently but I just felt like an arsehole. VictorAnichebend
"I think I have a crush on this girl."
I came out to one of my friends first in like 6th grade (I know its crazy young). The thing is I had just moved from the North to the South my 6th grade year. When I first arrived to my school I easily made friends. I started dropping hints to my new friends. Some of them picked up, and some didn't. I came out to a girl during lunch in the bathroom. All I said was "I think I have a crush on this girl."
She was so nice to me and we're still friends to this day. She was the first person to really accept me and make me feel ok about my sexuality considering I was so young. We always talked during school and she just was so nice and understanding. However with my parents I never "formally" came out. They just went through my phone and found texts and my social media with the pride flag in it. lilaanh
"yes mam" or "no sir"Giphy
I guess this is more for the Ts, but who knows. I live in Atlanta and have been raised in the rural south my whole life. Mam and Sir are hardwired into my vocab and always will be. I feel like a moron or an fool when I hear your voice on the drive thru, or your voice from across a room and respond with "yes mam" or "no sir" etc and i look up to see you are of the opposite gender. How would you want me to respond in those situations to show you I'm apologetic and not actively trying to be insensitive? I fear rewiring southern traditions at 35 y/o may be too difficult. MK18_Ocelot
How do you dictate?
Sexuality is entirely a spectrum of people with varying desires, drives, and needs. There are people that find sex as a repulsive as picking somebody's nose, and others who are total horndogs. Some people want to take people to pound town, others like it slow and sensual, and kissing is hotter than penetrative sex. Your sexual preference largely doesn't dictate this. Commander_Shepard_
To the T's....
To the T's out there, how and when did you realize.
I have a trans friend who is currently socially transitioning so I don't want to ask heavy questions as she has recently gone through a lot.
Edit: don't want to be that guy but this blew up in terms of notifications. SheepishBlacksmith
My anonymous blood-relation said it was coming on slowly for a while but it finally clicked for her in class. She had already been questioning for a few months when this happened. Her all female table group was being very rowdy so the teacher said "ladies quiet it down!" And she just knew when she was called a lady that it was right. Gay-Alchemist
BI the way...
Where can I go to learn about the newer terms and what they mean? I don't know what asexual or pansexual or many other terms and I would just prefer to not be ignorant. jesusz1lla
I know it's cliche, but seriously, just google the terms. You'll quickly come up with several places that will explain the terms. However, I'll explain the two you specifically mentioned. Asexual in terms of sexuality means a person just has no or very little sex drive and/or really isn't attracted to any gender. Pansexual pretty much means they can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender or biological sex.
There is an argument as to if this is synonymous with bisexual with many people saying the are and others saying they aren't. As a bisexual myself, I come down on the no category because many, like myself, are only attracted to males and females but not, for example, hermaphrodites. Every pansexual I have discussed this are also be attracted to the people that fall outside of the typical male/female categories.
Slight edit to slightly more clarify asexuality. JPKent80
Not the Sheep.Giphy
I asked my gay friend "What if a guy is gay but only has sex with sheep? No, no, stop laughing and you didn't let me finish the question. They guy is gay but only has sex with MALE sheep? What about that?" He just laughed and said "What the hell is wrong with you? That's not being gay or straight, that's just being as sheep fool!"
And that's the story of how I accepted my gay friend for who he is and let him know that no matter what he would always be my friend. That is also the story of why my gay friend called me "closet sheep fool" for the rest of the night. sovereignsekte
The Hard Way.
Is it hard being lgbt. m0rh3n
I can't go to school without people screaming about how I'm going to hell in the courtyard. My SO's family is catholic so we're constantly sneaking around so they don't have to know I exist. In general you're just trying to live life then BOOM. There is something or someone reminding you that you don't fit in and they don't want you to exist. Gay-Alchemist
It's all about boundaries.
I'm female, In college I had a friend who was a lesbian, and we ended up sharing a room for a few years. I always wondered but never felt right asking; is it okay for me to change down to nearly naked (we kept underpants on) when she was also in the room, since we were both women? Or should I step into the bathroom, the way I would if it was a male friend in the room, due to attraction? It felt like a silly question and I didn't want to cause tension or be insulting. I ended up just changing in the room, since it was three years and constantly hiding would have gotten tiresome.
But I did wonder if maybe I had actually been doing something awkward without realizing it?
This may have been something to ask her. I know it probably felt too awkward to do so at the time, but I think it's good, regardless of sexuality, to have a clear understanding of each other's boundaries. In other words, even if your roommate was straight, it probably would have been good to just say something like, "Hey, would you prefer I change in the bathroom, or are you ok with me changing in here?"
Of course, you definitely don't want to assume she's attracted to you simply because you're a woman, just as you don't want to assume what her general comfort level is like with this type of stuff. And probably vice versa on her side, with you, because your boundaries are also important to take into consideration.
I think it varies from person to person - different people will be ok with different things. I'm a lesbian who's had three different female roommates of three different sexualities during these past few college years, and in every case, I asked to make sure I didn't make my roommates uncomfortable.
One of my roommates was comfortable being completely naked in front of me when she was changing, another always stepped into the restroom or wore a bathrobe (not because she was creeped out by me, but because that's just how she rolled), and my current one is comfortable with me seeing her in underwear. Of course I always made sure to reciprocate and never overstep the comfort level of my roommates. I think if you just asked casually without making it a huge thing, there is little chance your roommate would have been offended.
I guess we'll never know how she felt unless she says, but it sounds like you both got through it ok. If it disturbed her too much, she most likely would have said something. I'm sure you were fine.
When they have gay couples in movies and TV shows, does that actually make you feel included?
It feels really good. I'm not against straight couples or anything, but it's really good to see a gay couple in something.
Gay dude here, but was just thinking about this earlier today:
Do people who identify as asexual enjoy pleasuring themselves?
Not Ace myself, but asexual people often enjoy sex and self stimulation but simply do not experience sexual attraction.
How do you help let someone know that it's ok?
I have a friend Daniel who's turning 30 and never been with anyone. He's never come out or acknowledge it and actually expresses disgust at other gay men. When he sees other men holding hands in public or at a gay bar, he will tell me how gross they are.
He has an obvious crush on one of my other guy friends Ben (who's married to a woman). Ben could sense it too and told him in a light hearted joking way that he wasn't gay. Daniel reacted angrily that he wasn't gay then later that night, left literally 12 miss calls/ messages that he wasn't gay to me and another friend who witnessed it.
He has depression and I've watched him become so sad and really selfish. He has become obsessed with how he looks as well. I think a part of what has triggered his depression is about being gay and in denial. He also encourages other friends in bad relationships (infidelity etc) to stay with each other despite it obviously being not ok.
I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.
However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?
Everyone has their own story.
How old where you when you realized you were LGBTQ? Did you feel guilt at first because you were so-called "different" from the other kids? No disrespect intended of course.
It took me a long time to accept that I was bi, I thought for many of my teen years that it was just me being sexually over whelmed and hence I didn't care who I fantasized about or what I had to do to lose my virginity.
My first sexual partner was my girlfriend at the time but I almost had a relationship with an older boy in my high school but I got scared about people in my family finding out and especially my parents since my dad was not kind about anyone being lgbt.
It was until my 20's that I decided to experiment and then after some time I accepted I'm bi and yeah I'm happy about being honest with my family and myself.
Okay Patrick Bateman.
Do you look in the mirror and get turned on?
Kinda, but that has more to do with my narcissism.
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Do you ever get confused about your own desires? Like, do you see a nice butt and you're not sure if you want that butt or if you want that butt?
Ah yes, the classic 'be him or f*** him' dilemma.
What do I call my sister's child now? I know that they use they, them, their as pronouns and that is all good. I know they have chosen a name they want to be addressed as and that is all good too. What I don't know is how would I refer to them in conversation to show our relationship. They are neither my niece nor my nephew. So is it just , this is my sister's child? Or is there a phrase or a reference that I should be using?
Probably just ask.
I came out to my half-sister, and she asked what her kids should call me (I said "uncle" because I think some of the new words sound a little childish). If any of my extended family gave a sh*t about LGBT people or my preferences, I'd just prefer to be called "one of [mom's] kids". But some might want to be called niece, nephew, nibling, sibkid, etc
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People have different levels of tolerance when it comes to profanity.
And some people can't stand the sound of rude or vulgar language so much that they can't bring themselves to say these naughty words themselves.
But when anyone reaches a high level of anger or frustration, they still might need a verbal outlet.
And instead find themselves coming up with an alternative word, which helps them release their anger, but won't offend any nearby ears.
Redditor No-Citron5628 was curious to hear people's favorite alternatives to curse words, leading them to ask:
"What is your best swear word alternative?"
"Oh neptune."- StrappinYoungZiltoid
The last thing you want to find in your bed!
Instead of rude, be educational!
"I said this instead of… other words once when I tripped and accidentally taught this to my nephew."
"Now my sister sends me videos of my nephew saying it when things don’t go his way."- YellowForest4Warning GIFGiphy
Think of the children!
"Not sure of an actual word, but my bf and I have been trying to limit cursing since my toddler is becoming very verbal."
"He’s resorted to making very angry yelling caveman sounds when he wants to curse someone out rather than using the actual words."- Present-Lime-1244
"I like, 'slug in a ditch'."- spiked_macaroonslug GIFGiphy
We can always learn a thing or two from the kids...
"A child in my class tries to swear but unintentionally says foot instead of f*ck."
"It's probably my favorite alternative."
"Wow, didn't expect this to get so much attention."
"Thank you for the award! "
"For those asking, he is a very tiny child with a deep yorkshire accent who actually picked up the word from another child but hasn't noticed he doesn't have the pronunciation quite right yet."
"Context wise though he's bang on which makes it even funnier."- sophishx
Just one word won't do!
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET, LARRY?!"
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS?!"- KevinBillyStinkwater
Be mindful, it could backfire
"When my son was little he started saying bastard so I kept saying custard."
"Until the day he complained that we were having bananas and bastard again."- CheeryShortarseDoctor Who Snack GIF by BBC AmericaGiphy
Mother knows best.
"My mother always said, 'Curses!'"
"We, the kids, laugh about it all the time."- tenzip10-0
If you feel like you've sufficiently got your anger or frustration out of your system, your choice of words served their purpose.
Whether or not they would have to be bleeped out on network TV.
When we think of iconic movie quotes, there are several which come instantly to mind.
"Here's looking at you, kid."
"Love is never having to say you're sorry."
"I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
Appropriately, the ones that might haunt us the most, are those delivered by villains, who linger in our memories not only by their creepy attire and presence but by their devious choice of words.
Frightening us long after the credits stop rolling.
Redditor N_the_character was eager to hear what the Reddit community considered the best quotes from both Hollywood's legendary villains, as well as some lesser-known antagonists from film, TV, and video games, leading them to ask:
"What's the most bada** villain quote?"
Benedict from Last Action Hero
"Benedict to youg Danny in 'Last Action Hero':"
"I should tell you that I have killed people smarter and younger than you."- S-Marktlast action hero art GIF by xponentialdesignGiphy
"Pirates are evil?"
"The Marines are righteous?"
"These terms have always changed throughout the course of history!"
"Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values!"
"Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right!"
"This very place is neutral ground!"
"Justice will prevail, you say?"
"But of course it will!"
"Whoever wins this war becomes justice!"- TimeisaLie
The Man with the Midas Touch...
"Goldfinger after Bond says 'Do you expect me to talk?'
"'No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die'."- Hunk_StudlyInterrupting GIF by James Bond 007Giphy
The Last Airbender's Azula
"Dai Li: 'You've beaten me at my own game'."
"Azula: 'Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player'."- herculesmeowlligan
Inigo Montoya, watch out!
"'Good Heavens, are you still trying to win?'"
"-the six fingered man."
Video game villains shouldn't be forgotten, ask Ghaul
“'You are not brave, you’ve merely forgotten the fear of death'."
"'Allow me to reacquaint you'.”- KentuckyBourbon94
The Good, the Bad, and the one-liners
"'When you have to shoot, shoot'."
"Tuco, 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'."- jpablo680
Whiterose of Mr. Robot
“'Because Phillip, I had to ask you twice'.”- Lontano64
The final frontier indeed...
"'A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place'."
"'To force them to acknowledge your greatness'."
"Gul Dukat, Deep Space Nine."- hamdingersDeep Space Nine Dislike GIF by Star TrekGiphy
A true villain will have you quaking in your boots with just one look.
But it's with their words that they really get you.
And how they instantly go from being merely villains, to legends.
Why can't people ask before they send graphic images?
And for the people who just send them willy-nilly...
Keep it decent, kids.
Redditor OhmMeGag wanted to hear about everyone's reactions to these types of photos. They asked:
"What's the best response to an unwanted d**k pic?"
Why are y'all STILL sending d**k pics in 2022? Like... decent.
Back at You...
"I read, I believe it was here on Reddit. This girl got an unsolicited d**k pic. So for her revenge, she sent penis pics back constantly. Big, small, anything she could find. This guy was telling her to stop, lol. She asked if he liked it."
“'Why does it look like that?' And answer none of their following texts."
"If you feel the need to respond, 'I'll ask my aunt, she's a nurse.'"
Are you Ok?
"When I was a teenager I had just gotten my first boyfriend, and back then nobody sent photos over text because camera phones weren't a common thing yet. Also texting cost a few cents per text. God, I feel old typing that out.
"I had never seen one before, so I panicked and said, 'Oh my god are you okay??' and he just like... got really sad because he thought I thought there was something wrong with the way it looked."
Send it Back
"What I used to do was take their profile picture and photoshop their face onto the head of their d**k and send it back. I never got a second d**k pic doing that lol."
"What she should do instead is make a public directory of unsolicited d**k pic offenders. Get the victim to edit their head on top, and then post it there with their number. Girls can then search their number to see if they've been a repeat offender in the past. Call the website the D**k Head."
SorryText Lol GIF by VTM.beGiphy
"'Oh hey, my ex had that disease too'"
I am loving the revenge response.
YuckAngry Oh No GIF by CBCGiphy
"Google 'genital warts' and send them back any of those images that come up."
"When I was a freshman in college I was home for Christmas break and the guy across the street, who was 4 years older than me and had recently moved back home, sent me one with the message that his family would be out of the house for a few hours if I wanted to come over."
"I knew him, we had lived on the same street for years, but it was completely out of the blue. I'm not even sure how he got my number. I had babysat his younger brother a few times however, which is why I had his mother's number. I took a screen shot of the message & pic and forwarded it to his mom, asking if she could please get Eric to stop sending me nudes."
"Why are you sending me a picture of your thumb?"
"So an old friend took a picture of his nuts**k and sent it to my husband as a joke. My husband genuinely responded 'Why did you send me a close up picture of your couch?' They had an old gray leather couch that had wrinkled over time."
"I know this sounds crazy, but I am a doctor and this might be cancer."
"Because I know they know I’m not a doctor- I say 'that spot looked weird so I sent it to my dad (he’s a doctor) and he said you should definitely go get check out' then don’t respond to any other messages."
"Note- my dad is in fact, not a doctor, and of course don’t forward my father d**k picks. But I very much enjoy the panic from an a** that 1) I sent his penis pic to my dad and 2) that there’s something wrong with his junk."
"Share a penis enlargement ad."
Stop sending these types of pics unsolicited. It's gross. The end.
People say the darndest and nastiest things pretty often.
I feel like I would prefer someone who doesn't realize it because the alternative is evil.
Saying inappropriate things on purpose involves malicious intent.
No matter... wrong is wrong.
Watch your mouth.
Redditor Ok_Context_7495 wanted to know what sort of nonsense has fallen out of other people's mouths, that left us shook. They asked:
"What’s the most messed up/inappropriate thing that someone’s casually said to you?"
I have been left, fainted on the floor with some of the things I've head people say. It can be funny, but still cruel.
OuchShannyn Sossamon Cringe GIFGiphy
"Your brother is only nice to you because he's not threatened by you or your partner. If you were successful and she were pretty, he wouldn't be nice to either of you. - Mom"
"My mom died of cancer when I was 2. When I was roughly 6, my older siblings told me that my mom and I were playing in the front yard and I kicked a ball into the road and when she went to get it she got hit by a garbage truck and that’s how she died. I didn’t find out the truth til a few years later. Odd that I have 0 relationship with my family now."
"I had a miscarriage where the baby was 'absorbed' and all that was left in the uterus was the gestational sac. I got pregnant again and when I told my neighbor she said, 'So are you actually pregnant this time?' Yes, a**hole. I am pregnant this time and I was actually pregnant last time. Unfortunately I just said yes and went in the house."
"It hurt a lot when my mom would get drunk and cry to me that she wishes I had passed away instead of my father. It hurt a lot more when she said it offhandedly and sober though. I'm okay now, but I was only seven. I didn't deserve that crap."
"You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry you had to live through this. Parents are supported to protect you, but they can also hurt you the most. Wish you all the best!"
Lucky YouHow-To Beauty GIF by SephoraGiphy
“'People don’t take me seriously because I’m pretty. You’re so lucky not to have that problem.'"
Some people need a punch in the face.
Deep HateWizard Of Oz Comedy GIFGiphy
"My ex-wife, 'Everyone hates you, they can't stand being around you.' Never could figure out why she said that. 30 years later, I'm still friends with the people that supposedly hated me."
"You look like a fat leek"
"My nan's sister, at our first meeting, said to 14 year old me: 'You look like a fat leek' (but in Dutch). I was flabbergasted. Fun fact. When she died a couple of years ago, during the funeral, her daughter gave a speech and told a LOT of secrets about how her mum was a total b**ch and narcissist , abused her and made her life a living hell. The whole church was in shock and they sort of canceled the funeral due to all the consternation."
See the Art
“'I can’t wait for you to be blind, your art gets better and better.'”
"I am SEVERELY visually impaired, losing my vision to a degenerative disease. I am an artist. I paint and create work with themes sometimes relevant to my vision loss. Someone I knew said this to me, in front of a group of people at dinner 2 years ago. I was 32 at the time."
I think I was 11?
"I had a dentist say that I 'needed to work on that for when I had a boyfriend' when I was gagging during whatever the hell he was doing. I think I was 11? I did not understand it at all until I was much older and saw like the second episode of Glee where a gag reflex comment is made, I asked my mum about it and she explained and I was like 'ohhh... Ohhh is that why (dentist) said this?' She was not thrilled that I'd waited so long to tell her."
"Middle of a grocery store. I’m 18 or 19. A man 50+ years old walks up to me, puts his arm around my shoulders, stares down at my breasts, and says, 'Damn, girl, can you see your feet?'"
Some people really need an electric shock collar as a sensor.