Being someone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community, I always really appreciate open conversation with people outside the community. There's no shame in asking questions--it's best to foster the conversation rather than make assumptions. But straight people will always have questions. Here are some of them.
u/VictorAnichebend asked: [Serious] Straight people of Reddit, what questions do you have for LGBT people you'd be too embarrassed to ask in person?
nobody will expel you from the gayhood......
Sexuality is not black and white, there's a lot of grey areas. So, yes, it's perfectly ok for a gay guy to feel attracted to a girl at some point. I think that's the biggest difference between homosexuality and heterosexuality: If you are gay and kiss a girl nobody will expel you from the gayhood, if you are straight and kiss another man you'll be forever known as a closeted gay. rgb-queiroz
Eye Roll Issue....
Giphy
I dated a girl who was pansexual for a time but never bothered to ask her what the difference is between being bi and being pan. Mostly cause it doesn't matter if there's a difference but I am kinda curious because when I was dating her I told a gay friend of mine she was pan and he kinda rolled his eyes. P2Pbytaxes
Outing.
What was it like to come out to your parents/people you care about? Btw for those that have traditional parents, I'm so proud of you. juandeagen
I never got the coming out story everyone else has, because I was outed to my parents. The hardest person to come out to was a girl I worked with who obviously had feelings for me. Tried to let her down gently but I just felt like an arsehole. VictorAnichebend
"I think I have a crush on this girl."
I came out to one of my friends first in like 6th grade (I know its crazy young). The thing is I had just moved from the North to the South my 6th grade year. When I first arrived to my school I easily made friends. I started dropping hints to my new friends. Some of them picked up, and some didn't. I came out to a girl during lunch in the bathroom. All I said was "I think I have a crush on this girl."
She was so nice to me and we're still friends to this day. She was the first person to really accept me and make me feel ok about my sexuality considering I was so young. We always talked during school and she just was so nice and understanding. However with my parents I never "formally" came out. They just went through my phone and found texts and my social media with the pride flag in it. lilaanh
"yes mam" or "no sir"
Giphy
I guess this is more for the Ts, but who knows. I live in Atlanta and have been raised in the rural south my whole life. Mam and Sir are hardwired into my vocab and always will be. I feel like a moron or an fool when I hear your voice on the drive thru, or your voice from across a room and respond with "yes mam" or "no sir" etc and i look up to see you are of the opposite gender. How would you want me to respond in those situations to show you I'm apologetic and not actively trying to be insensitive? I fear rewiring southern traditions at 35 y/o may be too difficult. MK18_Ocelot
How do you dictate?
Sexuality is entirely a spectrum of people with varying desires, drives, and needs. There are people that find sex as a repulsive as picking somebody's nose, and others who are total horndogs. Some people want to take people to pound town, others like it slow and sensual, and kissing is hotter than penetrative sex. Your sexual preference largely doesn't dictate this. Commander_Shepard_
To the T's....
To the T's out there, how and when did you realize.
I have a trans friend who is currently socially transitioning so I don't want to ask heavy questions as she has recently gone through a lot.
Edit: don't want to be that guy but this blew up in terms of notifications. SheepishBlacksmith
My anonymous blood-relation said it was coming on slowly for a while but it finally clicked for her in class. She had already been questioning for a few months when this happened. Her all female table group was being very rowdy so the teacher said "ladies quiet it down!" And she just knew when she was called a lady that it was right. Gay-Alchemist
BI the way...
Where can I go to learn about the newer terms and what they mean? I don't know what asexual or pansexual or many other terms and I would just prefer to not be ignorant. jesusz1lla
I know it's cliche, but seriously, just google the terms. You'll quickly come up with several places that will explain the terms. However, I'll explain the two you specifically mentioned. Asexual in terms of sexuality means a person just has no or very little sex drive and/or really isn't attracted to any gender. Pansexual pretty much means they can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender or biological sex.
There is an argument as to if this is synonymous with bisexual with many people saying the are and others saying they aren't. As a bisexual myself, I come down on the no category because many, like myself, are only attracted to males and females but not, for example, hermaphrodites. Every pansexual I have discussed this are also be attracted to the people that fall outside of the typical male/female categories.
Slight edit to slightly more clarify asexuality. JPKent80
Not the Sheep.
Giphy
I asked my gay friend "What if a guy is gay but only has sex with sheep? No, no, stop laughing and you didn't let me finish the question. They guy is gay but only has sex with MALE sheep? What about that?" He just laughed and said "What the hell is wrong with you? That's not being gay or straight, that's just being as sheep fool!"
And that's the story of how I accepted my gay friend for who he is and let him know that no matter what he would always be my friend. That is also the story of why my gay friend called me "closet sheep fool" for the rest of the night. sovereignsekte
The Hard Way.
Is it hard being lgbt. m0rh3n
Yes, very. I am blessed with a very supportive family who didn't bat an eye when I came out. But there's still the rest of the world.
I can't go to school without people screaming about how I'm going to hell in the courtyard. My SO's family is catholic so we're constantly sneaking around so they don't have to know I exist. In general you're just trying to live life then BOOM. There is something or someone reminding you that you don't fit in and they don't want you to exist. Gay-Alchemist
It's all about boundaries.
I'm female, In college I had a friend who was a lesbian, and we ended up sharing a room for a few years. I always wondered but never felt right asking; is it okay for me to change down to nearly naked (we kept underpants on) when she was also in the room, since we were both women? Or should I step into the bathroom, the way I would if it was a male friend in the room, due to attraction? It felt like a silly question and I didn't want to cause tension or be insulting. I ended up just changing in the room, since it was three years and constantly hiding would have gotten tiresome.
But I did wonder if maybe I had actually been doing something awkward without realizing it?
This may have been something to ask her. I know it probably felt too awkward to do so at the time, but I think it's good, regardless of sexuality, to have a clear understanding of each other's boundaries. In other words, even if your roommate was straight, it probably would have been good to just say something like, "Hey, would you prefer I change in the bathroom, or are you ok with me changing in here?"
Of course, you definitely don't want to assume she's attracted to you simply because you're a woman, just as you don't want to assume what her general comfort level is like with this type of stuff. And probably vice versa on her side, with you, because your boundaries are also important to take into consideration.
I think it varies from person to person - different people will be ok with different things. I'm a lesbian who's had three different female roommates of three different sexualities during these past few college years, and in every case, I asked to make sure I didn't make my roommates uncomfortable.
One of my roommates was comfortable being completely naked in front of me when she was changing, another always stepped into the restroom or wore a bathrobe (not because she was creeped out by me, but because that's just how she rolled), and my current one is comfortable with me seeing her in underwear. Of course I always made sure to reciprocate and never overstep the comfort level of my roommates. I think if you just asked casually without making it a huge thing, there is little chance your roommate would have been offended.
I guess we'll never know how she felt unless she says, but it sounds like you both got through it ok. If it disturbed her too much, she most likely would have said something. I'm sure you were fine.
Definitely.
Giphy
When they have gay couples in movies and TV shows, does that actually make you feel included?
It feels really good. I'm not against straight couples or anything, but it's really good to see a gay couple in something.
Well put.
Gay dude here, but was just thinking about this earlier today:
Do people who identify as asexual enjoy pleasuring themselves?
Not Ace myself, but asexual people often enjoy sex and self stimulation but simply do not experience sexual attraction.
It's ok.
How do you help let someone know that it's ok?
I have a friend Daniel who's turning 30 and never been with anyone. He's never come out or acknowledge it and actually expresses disgust at other gay men. When he sees other men holding hands in public or at a gay bar, he will tell me how gross they are.
He has an obvious crush on one of my other guy friends Ben (who's married to a woman). Ben could sense it too and told him in a light hearted joking way that he wasn't gay. Daniel reacted angrily that he wasn't gay then later that night, left literally 12 miss calls/ messages that he wasn't gay to me and another friend who witnessed it.
He has depression and I've watched him become so sad and really selfish. He has become obsessed with how he looks as well. I think a part of what has triggered his depression is about being gay and in denial. He also encourages other friends in bad relationships (infidelity etc) to stay with each other despite it obviously being not ok.
Valid question.
Giphy
I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.
However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?
Everyone has their own story.
How old where you when you realized you were LGBTQ? Did you feel guilt at first because you were so-called "different" from the other kids? No disrespect intended of course.
It took me a long time to accept that I was bi, I thought for many of my teen years that it was just me being sexually over whelmed and hence I didn't care who I fantasized about or what I had to do to lose my virginity.
My first sexual partner was my girlfriend at the time but I almost had a relationship with an older boy in my high school but I got scared about people in my family finding out and especially my parents since my dad was not kind about anyone being lgbt.
It was until my 20's that I decided to experiment and then after some time I accepted I'm bi and yeah I'm happy about being honest with my family and myself.
Okay Patrick Bateman.
Do you look in the mirror and get turned on?
Kinda, but that has more to do with my narcissism.
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Classic.
Do you ever get confused about your own desires? Like, do you see a nice butt and you're not sure if you want that butt or if you want that butt?
Ah yes, the classic 'be him or f*** him' dilemma.
Nibling.
What do I call my sister's child now? I know that they use they, them, their as pronouns and that is all good. I know they have chosen a name they want to be addressed as and that is all good too. What I don't know is how would I refer to them in conversation to show our relationship. They are neither my niece nor my nephew. So is it just , this is my sister's child? Or is there a phrase or a reference that I should be using?
Probably just ask.
I came out to my half-sister, and she asked what her kids should call me (I said "uncle" because I think some of the new words sound a little childish). If any of my extended family gave a sh*t about LGBT people or my preferences, I'd just prefer to be called "one of [mom's] kids". But some might want to be called niece, nephew, nibling, sibkid, etc