Being someone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community, I always really appreciate open conversation with people outside the community. There's no shame in asking questions--it's best to foster the conversation rather than make assumptions. But straight people will always have questions. Here are some of them.
u/VictorAnichebend asked: [Serious] Straight people of Reddit, what questions do you have for LGBT people you'd be too embarrassed to ask in person?
nobody will expel you from the gayhood......
Sexuality is not black and white, there's a lot of grey areas. So, yes, it's perfectly ok for a gay guy to feel attracted to a girl at some point. I think that's the biggest difference between homosexuality and heterosexuality: If you are gay and kiss a girl nobody will expel you from the gayhood, if you are straight and kiss another man you'll be forever known as a closeted gay. rgb-queiroz
Eye Roll Issue....
Giphy
I dated a girl who was pansexual for a time but never bothered to ask her what the difference is between being bi and being pan. Mostly cause it doesn't matter if there's a difference but I am kinda curious because when I was dating her I told a gay friend of mine she was pan and he kinda rolled his eyes. P2Pbytaxes
Outing.
What was it like to come out to your parents/people you care about? Btw for those that have traditional parents, I'm so proud of you. juandeagen
I never got the coming out story everyone else has, because I was outed to my parents. The hardest person to come out to was a girl I worked with who obviously had feelings for me. Tried to let her down gently but I just felt like an arsehole. VictorAnichebend
"I think I have a crush on this girl."
I came out to one of my friends first in like 6th grade (I know its crazy young). The thing is I had just moved from the North to the South my 6th grade year. When I first arrived to my school I easily made friends. I started dropping hints to my new friends. Some of them picked up, and some didn't. I came out to a girl during lunch in the bathroom. All I said was "I think I have a crush on this girl."
She was so nice to me and we're still friends to this day. She was the first person to really accept me and make me feel ok about my sexuality considering I was so young. We always talked during school and she just was so nice and understanding. However with my parents I never "formally" came out. They just went through my phone and found texts and my social media with the pride flag in it. lilaanh
"yes mam" or "no sir"
Giphy
I guess this is more for the Ts, but who knows. I live in Atlanta and have been raised in the rural south my whole life. Mam and Sir are hardwired into my vocab and always will be. I feel like a moron or an fool when I hear your voice on the drive thru, or your voice from across a room and respond with "yes mam" or "no sir" etc and i look up to see you are of the opposite gender. How would you want me to respond in those situations to show you I'm apologetic and not actively trying to be insensitive? I fear rewiring southern traditions at 35 y/o may be too difficult. MK18_Ocelot
How do you dictate?
Sexuality is entirely a spectrum of people with varying desires, drives, and needs. There are people that find sex as a repulsive as picking somebody's nose, and others who are total horndogs. Some people want to take people to pound town, others like it slow and sensual, and kissing is hotter than penetrative sex. Your sexual preference largely doesn't dictate this. Commander_Shepard_
To the T's....
To the T's out there, how and when did you realize.
I have a trans friend who is currently socially transitioning so I don't want to ask heavy questions as she has recently gone through a lot.
Edit: don't want to be that guy but this blew up in terms of notifications. SheepishBlacksmith
My anonymous blood-relation said it was coming on slowly for a while but it finally clicked for her in class. She had already been questioning for a few months when this happened. Her all female table group was being very rowdy so the teacher said "ladies quiet it down!" And she just knew when she was called a lady that it was right. Gay-Alchemist
BI the way...
Where can I go to learn about the newer terms and what they mean? I don't know what asexual or pansexual or many other terms and I would just prefer to not be ignorant. jesusz1lla
I know it's cliche, but seriously, just google the terms. You'll quickly come up with several places that will explain the terms. However, I'll explain the two you specifically mentioned. Asexual in terms of sexuality means a person just has no or very little sex drive and/or really isn't attracted to any gender. Pansexual pretty much means they can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender or biological sex.
There is an argument as to if this is synonymous with bisexual with many people saying the are and others saying they aren't. As a bisexual myself, I come down on the no category because many, like myself, are only attracted to males and females but not, for example, hermaphrodites. Every pansexual I have discussed this are also be attracted to the people that fall outside of the typical male/female categories.
Slight edit to slightly more clarify asexuality. JPKent80
Not the Sheep.
Giphy
I asked my gay friend "What if a guy is gay but only has sex with sheep? No, no, stop laughing and you didn't let me finish the question. They guy is gay but only has sex with MALE sheep? What about that?" He just laughed and said "What the hell is wrong with you? That's not being gay or straight, that's just being as sheep fool!"
And that's the story of how I accepted my gay friend for who he is and let him know that no matter what he would always be my friend. That is also the story of why my gay friend called me "closet sheep fool" for the rest of the night. sovereignsekte
The Hard Way.
Is it hard being lgbt. m0rh3n
Yes, very. I am blessed with a very supportive family who didn't bat an eye when I came out. But there's still the rest of the world.
I can't go to school without people screaming about how I'm going to hell in the courtyard. My SO's family is catholic so we're constantly sneaking around so they don't have to know I exist. In general you're just trying to live life then BOOM. There is something or someone reminding you that you don't fit in and they don't want you to exist. Gay-Alchemist
It's all about boundaries.
I'm female, In college I had a friend who was a lesbian, and we ended up sharing a room for a few years. I always wondered but never felt right asking; is it okay for me to change down to nearly naked (we kept underpants on) when she was also in the room, since we were both women? Or should I step into the bathroom, the way I would if it was a male friend in the room, due to attraction? It felt like a silly question and I didn't want to cause tension or be insulting. I ended up just changing in the room, since it was three years and constantly hiding would have gotten tiresome.
But I did wonder if maybe I had actually been doing something awkward without realizing it?
This may have been something to ask her. I know it probably felt too awkward to do so at the time, but I think it's good, regardless of sexuality, to have a clear understanding of each other's boundaries. In other words, even if your roommate was straight, it probably would have been good to just say something like, "Hey, would you prefer I change in the bathroom, or are you ok with me changing in here?"
Of course, you definitely don't want to assume she's attracted to you simply because you're a woman, just as you don't want to assume what her general comfort level is like with this type of stuff. And probably vice versa on her side, with you, because your boundaries are also important to take into consideration.
I think it varies from person to person - different people will be ok with different things. I'm a lesbian who's had three different female roommates of three different sexualities during these past few college years, and in every case, I asked to make sure I didn't make my roommates uncomfortable.
One of my roommates was comfortable being completely naked in front of me when she was changing, another always stepped into the restroom or wore a bathrobe (not because she was creeped out by me, but because that's just how she rolled), and my current one is comfortable with me seeing her in underwear. Of course I always made sure to reciprocate and never overstep the comfort level of my roommates. I think if you just asked casually without making it a huge thing, there is little chance your roommate would have been offended.
I guess we'll never know how she felt unless she says, but it sounds like you both got through it ok. If it disturbed her too much, she most likely would have said something. I'm sure you were fine.
Definitely.
Giphy
When they have gay couples in movies and TV shows, does that actually make you feel included?
It feels really good. I'm not against straight couples or anything, but it's really good to see a gay couple in something.
Well put.
Gay dude here, but was just thinking about this earlier today:
Do people who identify as asexual enjoy pleasuring themselves?
Not Ace myself, but asexual people often enjoy sex and self stimulation but simply do not experience sexual attraction.
It's ok.
How do you help let someone know that it's ok?
I have a friend Daniel who's turning 30 and never been with anyone. He's never come out or acknowledge it and actually expresses disgust at other gay men. When he sees other men holding hands in public or at a gay bar, he will tell me how gross they are.
He has an obvious crush on one of my other guy friends Ben (who's married to a woman). Ben could sense it too and told him in a light hearted joking way that he wasn't gay. Daniel reacted angrily that he wasn't gay then later that night, left literally 12 miss calls/ messages that he wasn't gay to me and another friend who witnessed it.
He has depression and I've watched him become so sad and really selfish. He has become obsessed with how he looks as well. I think a part of what has triggered his depression is about being gay and in denial. He also encourages other friends in bad relationships (infidelity etc) to stay with each other despite it obviously being not ok.
Valid question.
Giphy
I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.
However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?
Everyone has their own story.
How old where you when you realized you were LGBTQ? Did you feel guilt at first because you were so-called "different" from the other kids? No disrespect intended of course.
It took me a long time to accept that I was bi, I thought for many of my teen years that it was just me being sexually over whelmed and hence I didn't care who I fantasized about or what I had to do to lose my virginity.
My first sexual partner was my girlfriend at the time but I almost had a relationship with an older boy in my high school but I got scared about people in my family finding out and especially my parents since my dad was not kind about anyone being lgbt.
It was until my 20's that I decided to experiment and then after some time I accepted I'm bi and yeah I'm happy about being honest with my family and myself.
Okay Patrick Bateman.
Do you look in the mirror and get turned on?
Kinda, but that has more to do with my narcissism.
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Classic.
Do you ever get confused about your own desires? Like, do you see a nice butt and you're not sure if you want that butt or if you want that butt?
Ah yes, the classic 'be him or f*** him' dilemma.
Nibling.
What do I call my sister's child now? I know that they use they, them, their as pronouns and that is all good. I know they have chosen a name they want to be addressed as and that is all good too. What I don't know is how would I refer to them in conversation to show our relationship. They are neither my niece nor my nephew. So is it just , this is my sister's child? Or is there a phrase or a reference that I should be using?
Probably just ask.
I came out to my half-sister, and she asked what her kids should call me (I said "uncle" because I think some of the new words sound a little childish). If any of my extended family gave a sh*t about LGBT people or my preferences, I'd just prefer to be called "one of [mom's] kids". But some might want to be called niece, nephew, nibling, sibkid, etc
Redditor churned_applesauce wanted to hear about all the belongings many of us have that could cause quite a stir.
They asked:
"What is the most controversial thing you own?"
I'm not telling you mine.
I'm not that brave.
But let's see who is...
Pennies...
"I have an old Iraqi bill with Saddam Hussein's face on it. It's worth about 17 cents according to Google." ~ postsingularity
Giphy1937
"My grandfather went to the World Scout Jamboree in the Netherlands in 1937, and while he was there he traded patches and gear with some scouts from Germany. By 1937, the German boy scouts had transitioned into the Hitler youth, so I own a Hitler youth boy scout uniform with a bunch of swastikas on it." ~ iamagainstit
Walrus Parts
"My family owns a petrified walrus penis, my grandmother took it to get it identified at the Smithsonian several decades ago. Apparently her grandfather or maybe it was her great-grandfather brought it home after he spent several years on some type of expedition up around northern Alaska and points north."
"It has been loaned out to several museums at different times. The family has talked about selling it but everyone has to agree and so far there is no agreement about selling it. So I own 1/67th of a petrified walrus penis." ~ Robyn_withaY
Propaganda...
"When I was 18, I bought a print of a 1918 German zoo advertisement from a thrift store. I thought the artwork was neat. It had a leopard on it and I was completely cat-obsessed at the time. Turns out the artwork was by Ludwig Hohlwien. He would go on to produce Nazi propaganda." ~ wolfmoral
Jars
"An ornate, Boer tobacco jar from the 1800s. My great grandfather looted it off a dead militiaman during the Second Boer war." ~ deathtotheminutemen
GiphyInteresting.
Nothing too crazy thus far.
Hey, to each their own.
Shut Tight!
"I have a glass vial/small bottle of pure histamine. If anyone would be exposed to this they would get a deadly allergic reaction. I have it double sealed." ~ TheRealMonreal
GiphyHoliday in Kenya
"A complete ivory and ebony chessboard bought a sale of confiscated poacher stuff to fund elephant preservation. When I lived in Zambia and was on holiday in Kenya. My dad bought it and I got it as a hand me down. We were friends with someone who owned an animal sanctuary and their security had shot the poachers as far as I remember. They had a parentless baby hippo as well. It stole my sister's chewing gum and tried eating their cat. It was moved further away from the main houses after it tipped over their Land Cruiser." ~ xxrumlexx
Oh Grandma...
"I wanted a chinchilla really badly as a kid, but my parents said hell no. One Christmas my grandma got me a teddy bear made out of chinichilla fur. Luckily my parents told me it didn't hurt the chinchilla its just like getting a hair cut for them, but they were like WTF to my grandma. I now know better and am also like WTF grandma." ~ lebrunjemz
Snuffed
"I have a set of small bone carved snuff bottles from China (dated to the 19C) with explicit images on them. They’re kind of curiosities in themselves but when my in laws separated my MIL called my husband and asked him if there was anything in the house that he wanted and he said, nothing but the explicit snuff bottles."
"She took them and left them with a note that said ‘I’ve left you, please don’t contact me again. I’ve taken the snuff bottles; they were the only things in the house I liked.' After their separation we got all sorts of controversial hoardings, including a suitcase full of ivory and an abundant collection of Enid Blytons first edition books." ~ waireti
Luggage
"I have a few Ivory jewelery pieces from the early 70s my parents bought back from Botswana, and a poison arrow kit. Mum has the 3-metre long python skin she just put in her luggage from back then too." ~ Icy_Hippo
GiphyWho doesn't have cursed or ancient jewels hidden somewhere?
At least nobody on this thread mentioned faces or eyes.
That's what I was waiting for.
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Reddit user Money-Associate1601 asked:
"What’s something you look forward to every single day?"
A few years ago I wouldn't have had an answer to this, but as I read through I suddenly realized that I have one.
Also, that I enjoy it!
Mornings spent relaxing in the hammock before my day gets punted into shenanigans by my kids, my dogs, my job, or some unholy combo of the three have become crucial for my mental health.
Huh. Who knew?
Let's see what Reddit loves about their routines.
Going To Work (!)
"Going to work."
"It sounds strange, but I love it because I'm working with my son. He’s 23. I’m 50. We spend M-F working together building homes. We laugh all day long."
"It’s the happiest time of my life. I know it’s finite, so I’m enjoying it as much as possible while it lasts."
- thecrab87
"This hits me(23) so much. My dad (50) gave me a job at his company a year ago and always tells me how proud he his of me."
"Just before Christmas he got sick and almost died. When he got out of the hospital he told me how much he cherished our relationship and how it meant everything to him."
"It makes me emotional every time I read things like this."
- Qc-ripguru67
"My brother and I did landscaping together on the weekends. We use to complain about it, but after we sold the business I really missed spending time with him."
"What I miss the most is eating lunch together and riding home after a long day."
- ripped-p-ness
GiphyPajama Party
"Changing out of work clothes and into pajamas"
- send_boba
"My pajamas are my real clothes. Everything else is a facade."
- sharkittens
"The best thing about the pandemic: I work from home all the time and I can wear pajamas all the time!"
- circle_jerker_2000
"Sometimes I get home by 3pm from work and get right into my PJs."
"Even if I’m going out later, I’ll just change out of my PJs when I need to. If I’m home for an hour or longer, I’m in my PJs."
"It’s the only way."
- dat_girl83
GiphyPick Up Time
"Picking my daughters up from daycare."
"As soon as they see me, they drop whatever they were doing and run to me with the biggest smile on their faces and yelling 'Daddyyy!' "
"The absolute sh*ttiest day at work just disappears in that moment."
- all_the_fun_stuff
"100% this."
"Basically anything to do with my kids. Waking them up for school and hanging out in bed for those 5 minutes in the morning is always so much fun."
"Meeting my daughter off the bus from school. Seeing my son when he gets home from preschool and just wants to play."
"Kids are the best cure for a sh*t day at work."
- pdxrunner82
"My 2 year old screams 'IT’S MOM!!!' in absolute delight every day when I get home from work. Nothing else compares!"
- thetermagant
GiphyEmployee Of The Month
"My baby dog’s big morning stretch. He's actually a senior but he will stay about 5 lbs for forever, so we call him our baby dog."
"Oh! And then watching him go back to sleep in his office bed when I start work. He works so hard. Employee of the month, every month."
- maltymawma
"I love working in the morning and then at about 11 am my dog finally gets up. She does her morning back scratches on the carpet and then demands snuggles."
"It's my favorite unscheduled break time that happens daily."
- Food_is_my_Motive
"My cat Ygritte is my supervisor. She works so hard sleeping and making biscuits on blankets/beds/boxes with blankets."
"She yells at me if I stop working, yells at me when it is break time, and starts getting in between myself and my computer 15 minutes before the end of the day."
"She won't stop until I clock out, it is her everyday being like Nahhhhh you done. Pet me instead."
"She is the best boss I have ever had."
- AltruisticProgress9
GiphyNightly Read
"I live at a friends family house. They offered me shelter after I became homeless and every night I go to my car to read."
"I find that reading in my car every night before going to sleep gives this family a chance to get a break from seeing me and I get a chance to be calm and away from everyone."
"They are amazing people and It’s been so fun. I’m so thankful that they let me stay in their living room, but they tend to use it at night to watch a movie or have family time so I take a chance to let them be and I get a chance to learn something and relax in my car."
- AvocadoSaltAndLime
GiphyFueled By Coffee
"My morning coffee. I get a different coffee every week and drinking it is the most relaxing part of my day."
- hafilax
"Same."
"I had a Colombian blend last week, this week I got a black roast that is so strong I swear its making me grow a beard."
"I'm up at 5 every morning for 'me time', which you dont get with 3 small kids and making my coffee and staring into space for an hour is amazing."
- 2_kids_no_more·
"Coffee is mine as well."
"I love to get a big-ass black coffee with a little cream, put on a good podcast and chill out for a bit while I wake up. Quite possibly the only thing I consistently look forward to every single day."
- instinctbluess
"YES! I set up the coffee pot the night before, every night."
"In the morning my husband gets up to start it and crawls back into bed while it brews. When it's ready he puts his robe on and quietly brings me a cup, sets it on my nightstand and goes into the living room to peacefully wake up on his own, staring at his phone."
"In between alarm snoozes I briefly wake up and take a few sips of coffee. After several snoozes, I need a refill and that's usually when I get up to join him. It's such a great way to wake up, I love it so much."
"Some mornings he has to just get up and go off to a job site but no matter how early it is, he brings me a cup of coffee in bed before giving me a kiss and going. He's the best."
- theredheaddiva
GiphyMid-Day Text
"That mid-day text from my husband, asking me if I can please come home early because he and the dogs miss me, usually accompanied by a photo of the 4 of them looking wistfully at the camera."
"It never, ever gets old. So thankful for all of them!"
- luisapet
"Ugh. Mine always wants to know when I’ll be back because he wants something."
- Funny-Tree-4083
"Oh my god I want this. You are so lucky."
- __Vixen__
"I also want this in my life."
"All I get is calls/messages from scammers or customer service."
- amrit-9037
GiphyObserving This Scene
"The sheer, spontaneous joy my dogs have when my wife gets home."
"I tell them 'Who's home?' Then they hear the garage door opening and know Mommy's Home!"
"Batsh*t-crazy pandemonium ensues until I open the side door of garage. Even cuter, my wife is just as happy to see them, too!"
"Nothing beats observing this scene every day, for 11 years."
- Complex-Value-5807
"Absolutely this."
"I adopted a little baby potato two years ago. Now he’s a big old spaz and he has an absolute fit with joy whenever daddy gets home from work."
"He’s so excited he can’t even sit still for pets and kisses. Jumping up and down on the furniture, running around in circles, pure happiness."
- FunnyQueer
GiphyAt Peace
"I have 30 mins in my day in between work where I just sit on a bench in this park."
"No phone, no earphones, nothing but just me enjoying the sound of birds and whooshing of the trees. Feel most at peace during that time."
- DJTISTA
"I have recently started doing this towards the end of the day."
"It has started filling me up with peace and enthusiasm. I highly recommend this. Half an hour, daily, setting sun/rising sun, somewhere not too noisy, near water if possible."
- pappugulal
"Time like this is essential! Good for you for giving it to yourself!"
- Zebsnotdeadbaby
GiphyLunch
"The last 15 years of my working life was running a route, checking into about 235 businesses each month. It kept me very busy, I seldom had time for lunch over 1/2 hour."
"I always thought how nice it would be when I retire, to have time to set down and actually enjoy lunch."
"Fast forward 5 years, I've been retired and now I get one full hour of lunch and reading whatever book has my attention for those 5 days a week instead."
"It's heaven."
- zerogravity111111
GiphySo what have we learned today, dear readers?
The thing most of these Redditors looked forward to was a moment of peace or affection.
Whether it was from a pet, a kid, a book, or a hot cup of coffee it seems people wanted a literal or proverbial hug.
Does that track for you? What's the part of your day you look forward to most.
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