Since we grow up in a world where it is assumed that we will be straight, we don't receive a lot of education on the LGBTQ+ community. Most places receive zero education, as decades of homophobia and gay erasure rear their ugly heads even in modern society.
So curiosity from straight people is natural. It's welcome. It only helps break down the walls between our communities.
Here were some of those answers.
The Clever One First
What's on the gay agenda for today?
For the lesbians, today is gardening and obsessing over hot female actresses.
I mean we do that every day but whatever.
Take Note, Straights!
What are the creepy or offensive things things that well-meaning non-lgbt people say?
The question "so which one is the girl and which one is the guy" is pretty offensive. We are not trying to fit ourselves in a straight mold. Were both girls/ were both guys. It's like the whole point.
Asking whose on top can be pretty intrusive if you don't know them well.
Asking a trans person their birth name or what's in their pants is super rude.
Are there "straight jokes"? Straight people use jokes about being gay all the time, especially guys.
I don't think it's the case for everybody but one of my group of friends is like 80% LGBT+ people and YES. So many jokes and puns about straight/cis people. But none of them are insults and I never heard a violent joke about straight people.
We DEFINILTY have jokes about the straights™ though. Like about heterophobia or straight pride.
This Is A Good Perspective, Listen Up
I'm not straight but I've always wanted to ask a trans person what they mean when they say they "feel like a man/woman". I guess it's probably not entirely tangible but I've always found it intriguing.
Imagine waking up every day of your life feeling like something's wrong. You're perfectly healthy, your life is great, but there's something wrong. You just don't know what.
The feeling gets worse when you look at yourself in a mirror, or see your body. It gets even worse when puberty starts and you watch your body change and you hate it, but you don't know why. There's just something wrong.
The feeling sometimes gets better when you look at people of the opposite sex (for me, girls). Sometimes, it gets worse and you get frustrated for no reason. Maybe you have a crush on one of those girls. Maybe you just want some attention from them. But then, if you had a crush on one of them, there would be some happiness. There just isn't. Never. Your life is great but you're miserable and you can't figure out why.
Then one day a random thought occurs. I wish I were a girl. Then you understand what was wrong with you all your life.
The way I experienced it, it's a mix of discomfort, longing, and envy. I wasn't comfortable with my body (mind you, I had an awful life, which is why I didn't explore these issues until I gained some control over it in my early 20s) because I was male. I was hoping something would change without really knowing what. I envied girls simply for being girls.
This might be controversial, but I wouldn't say I "feel" like a woman. I'm a woman. Just not physically, alas. Even now after successfully transitioning, I'm aware that I'm still biologically male. It still bothers me. But I can live my life as a woman and that's a massive weight off of my shoulders. I can look at my body or into a mirror. I wake up in the morning without that residual feeling that something is wrong. I am no longer miserable.
Identity is a difficult question and everyone has their own perception of it. I don't think you'll ever get a definite answer on your question. The best you can get is a variety of testimonials and personal experiences, few of which you will resonate with.
Moms Trying To Be Better
What do (or did) you need from your mom?
(Mom of a trans teenager. I do my best to support him, and want to learn to do better)
The most important thing is to affirm his identity. Use his new name and pronouns. Making mistakes is okay, but work on it.
Otherwise, help him protect himself. There is a ton of hate directed at transgender teens, and someone of his age isn't going to have the emotional maturity to deal with it all. Whenever someone wants to deny who he is, have his back.
If he hasn't started puberty blockers yet, it's 100% worth it. Puberty blockers now means no mastectomy later. And if he changes his mind later (he probably won't) they're mostly reversible.
It's Common Because Women Are Nice
How come it's common for a gay man to befriend straight women but it's uncommon for a lesbian to befriend straight men?
I'm gay and my sister a lesbian. My female friends have never requested to watch my husband and I have sex. Straight men are always asking my sister if they can watch my sister and her wife have sex. there's your answer.
Your First Gay Movie
I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.
However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?
I remember a reading an interview with John Cryer about Duckie in Pretty in Pink. And he was saying how people would come up to him and thank him because that's how they realized they were in the closet.
And he said he was kind of shocked because he didn't realize Duckie was closeted, but when he mentioned it to the other cast they all knew.
So, of course, that's when I first realized that Duckie was gay in that movie.
How does "gaydar" work? How reliable is it?
Gaydar is just that... Recognizing that someone is likely to be LGBTQ. It can be based on any number of things - mannerisms, hair and clothes, subtle references and symbols that might not obvious to people who aren't "in the know," etc.
As to efficacy? Moderate? But there are also some false positives - people who are assumed to be LGBT but aren't.
The Gays. They're Everywhere.
What did you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
As a father of a LGBTQ daughter how do I not rage at people who oppose the fact my daughter exist.
Seriously though this comment made me smile. You seem like a wonderful dad. You don't have to hold in your anger at people who are pissed at your daughter for simply existing. Take the protective father stereotype and use it for good! :)
Is there anyone who loved high school?
High school is a disaster. That is true for like... 95% of us.
it's like being branded. "I survived high school because of this!!"
The past is never really past, is it? What did you see?
Redditor HelloProxima wanted to go back and visit the teenage years, by asking:
"What is the most f**ked up thing that happened in your high school?"
I'm on the fence about high school. I want to hate it, but nostalgia haunts me. I saw a lot of violence, there is that.
We were on CNN.don lemon nodding GIF by Red Table TalkGiphy
"They started charging us for ketchup in the cafeteria. Most of the school boycotted cafeteria lunch and brought all manner of condiments from home. We were on CNN. They eventually caved." ~ Ash3Monti
No one liked him.
"I was big into drama club and musical theatre when I was in high school. There was a girl in the drama club in her freshmen or sophomore year who was super nice and everyone loved her. Her older brother on the the other hand, was a complete and total douchebag. No one liked him."
"He always made inappropriate comments or jokes and no one liked to be around him. One night, he was driving him and his sister back from school when he took a steep curve going around 100 mph. He lost control and hit a telephone pole. His sister died instantly and he was in a coma for a few weeks but ultimately survived."
"Myself and my friends in the drama club were devastated. She was one of the sweetest girls you'll ever met and we all loved her. A year or two later, the brother messages my sister and tries to use his sister's death as leverage to get laid. F**k you, you piece of crap." ~ FearTheKeflex
"Guidance counselor was taking bribes to change grades (Both money and sexual favors). Invited one male student over to his house. Had the student tie him up and hang him by chains in his basement "dungeon." Student was homophobic and while the counselor was tied up, bludgeoned him to death." ~ monthos
"This is not that extreme, but it's still disgusting. We have drinking water taps instead of fountains. One parent was suspicious of whether they were cleaning the tanks or not. So they made an announcement that the tank was being cleaned every single day."
"A lot of us didn't believe it, so a group of boys decided to see for themselves if it was true or not. So they put a dead frog in the tank when there was no one around. I don't even know where they found the frog but they swear they didn't kill it. Anyway the frog was there for a few weeks. And obviously the water started tasting weird."
"After the teachers got multiple complaints, they opened the tank and found the frog. The boys were punished, but they fired back with the fact that they lied about cleaning the tanks. They were still punished, because they proved it in a disgusting way. They could've put literally anything in the tank, but they chose a dead frog." ~ R00mTemperature
The QuadAcds2 Look Away GIF by Anime Crimes DivisionGiphy
"A worker doing stuff on the roof. He fell off. Landed in the 'quad' at lunch. A large piece of machinery fell and squished his head. Like a cartoon, only funny. Like 150 Kids saw this." ~ LordInventus
"The Latin kings gang threatened my cousin and his friends and they had 10 squad cars guarding the whole school and dismissed us the same day early." ~ Terrykrinkle
“it’s gonna blow”
"I had just moved in from Egypt to the states in my senior year of high school. A teacher thought it would be funny to fold a bunch of papers and wrap them in duck tape to make it look like a bomb and threw it my direction and went under his desk saying 'it’s gonna blow.' Everybody started laughing and I was so clueless then I just laughed along. It infuriates me to this day that I didn’t call him out on it or report him." ~ ezzabousaif
"Someone somehow made a bomb threat on a Swedish fish candy. Like one single piece. I don’t know how it happened but he got arrested." ~ ts_13_
"A couple weeks before graduation, this kid hacked into the school system and put a Hitler quote and a Boston bomber reference in the senior quotes for the yearbook. One of the affected parties was a trans girl, and we're still not sure if it was a targeted act because of that."
"Administration didn't find out until the entire senior class had received their books. Some people turned theirs in to get their pages replaced, but some kept it because it was a 'limited edition item' or some stupid sh*t like that. Kid got arrested and charged with cybercrime, since he hacked everyone in our school system's school passwords."
"He was so close to graduating too, but got expelled like two weeks before he could. Looked like a rat too. It was all over the news, and everyone in the state of CT basically knows about this now. Got out on bail for $5000." ~ kocorpsie
Good God!Season 3 What GIF by On My BlockGiphy
"We had a huge fight happen in the girls bathroom."
"Apparently one student brought drugs to school and was selling it to her friends. A completely unrelated student caught on and stole the drugs while everyone else was in class. She was caught snorting the drugs in the bathroom by the group selling the drugs and got the crap beat out of her."
"We also had a recently graduated student murder his parents for insurance money . He hid the bodies in a chicken coop and told everybody they were on vacation. It wasn't until 7 months later the bodies were found by the landlord because the rent was late." ~ randomgenericcow
Enjoy high school, at least try too. Maybe if more kids do that, it wouldn't be so insane.
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You're hungry one night, so you order food. You select your items, go to place your order, and see that the order has an extra $15 in fees tacked on to it, and that's not even including tip!
Believe it or not, there was a time before delivery services. You can very easily just call the restaurant you want and place the order directly. It's pretty easy–and you and the restaurant get to avoid the middle man.
But delivery services have become so ubiquitous over the years that many of us just put up with it. They're legitimate services but honestly, when you see the final price tag, how could you not feel like you've been totally scammed?
People shared their thoughts after Redditor AnnFaulskabek asked the online community,
"What is a legitimate product / service that still feels like a scam?"
"At first I didn't mind..."
"YouTube Premium. At first I didn’t mind the single ad you could skip but now it’s up to two long ads you can’t skip with the mid-roll ads thrown in. They keep upping the ante to force you to subscribe to Premium."
Given the increasingly high number of ads on YouTube, it's pretty astounding that I haven't signed up for Premium yet.
"When you work out..."
"Overdraft fees. When you work out the effective interest rates on overdraft fees, you find there’s a lot of hurting people paying interest that would make a loan shark blush."
Yep, what's up with those?
They're actually a thing. Just try explaining to someone who doesn't know how you get punished for having no money so you have to pay more money and see how they react.
"Phones that no longer..."
"Phones that no longer come with Micro SD card slots so you have to pay for cloud storage if you need more."
One of the most frustrating things. It was so much easier before!
"In the U.S..."
"In the U.S. Having to do my own taxes or pay a company to do my taxes even though the IRS already has all the relevant information."
Well, let's be clear: They don't have everything. What happens if you have items you need to deduct? They definitely don't know how much you've donated to charity.
"There used to be restrictions..."
"Credit/interest rates. There used to be restrictions on who gets a loan and what the rates could be, but private enterprise I guess."
When it comes to having no credit or bad credit, I would choose no credit every single time.
"Insanely good prices..."
"Humble Bundle. Insanely good prices and I can select where my payment goes, so I could donate 100% to the charity. It feels like it's too good to be true. I'm still blown away by it."
Never heard of this before and now I will be on the prowl. Going to do some reading and see if it lives up to the hype.
"Enjoy your entry level job..."
"Oh, you graduated cum laude? Enjoy your entry level job that barely covers the interest on your monthly payment."
Hahahaha don't make me cry.
"THE ABSURDITY OF THE BATTERY LIFE."
"Dell laptops. THE ABSURDITY OF THE BATTERY LIFE."
"Like how the f**k are people are still buying them is beyond me but like, I have one for school and that motherf**ker dies an hour after taking it off the charger. And I don’t even keep background tabs running."
"The whole Dell company is literally a f**king scam."
I think I forget that Dell laptops exist until I see comments like these.
I'll go back to being ignorant, thanks.
"The 15 different streaming services..."
"The 15 different streaming services that you have to sign up for to watch the one good exclusive show on each one instead of just being able to watch them all in one place."
Streaming could have put an end to piracy but then they got so greedy.
"You can't really get away from them."
"My electric company also providing water, natural gas, landline phone and internet."
"You can't really get away from them. Even if you live in an area of town where you can get AT&T or Suddenlink, you still have to pay the electric company for everything else."
Say what! They really have a perfect monopoly going on, don't they?
Well, well, well... there are many things we could add to the list, to be fair.
Like health insurance in the United States. What's up with that? It would be comical if it wasn't so evil.
What do you think is missing from this list? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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When you really think about it, childhood is actually just rife with trauma.
The things we see as children, are things we are never going to escape. And nobody fully prepares you for it.
Every child born should be assigned a therapist along with a pediatrician.
Life is going to bombard us with memories we'll never unsee, because the actions of humans are random and as a child we're forced to watch.
The mark is left. So let's hear about some trauma.
Redditor Banjoman653 wanted to hear from everybody willing to share some childhood tales, by asking:
"What’s a really f**ked up thing you’ve witnessed as a kid but didn’t realise it was until you were older?"
I've seen too much. I wish I could go back, just so I could look away. But, here I am. And you?
"My dad grabbing a knife while punishing my brother. Dad had him sit at the kitchen table and ordered him to put his hands on the table. Dad then put the knife edge on one of my brother's thumbs and threatened to cut his thumbs off. Can't remember what it was about, but this caused me to fear my father from a very young age. My brother was only around 9 or 10 years old at the time." ~ toothbelt
"When I was 8, I took care of my father in home who was dying of AIDS. Mom wasn’t in the picture. None of the adult family wanted to be near him and help out because they all said it was contagious (this was the 90’s and HIV ignorance was still at an all time high.) I changed his diapers, showered him, fed him, gave him his pills. Until he died. As a kid, that was my 'normal.' I didn’t realize it at the time, but it really f**ked me up."
"He was my hero and the strongest man alive to me, and seeing him in such a vulnerable state and reduced to nothing really messed up my brain. It just kinda numbed me. Literally did not/could not cry for 12 whole years after that. I still struggle nowadays to 'feel what I’m supposed to feel' in certain situations, but I’ve gotten a lot better and am definitely more in touch with my emotions." ~ Celery-Bandit
"My mother used to drive home from the hospital she worked at high as hell from the morphine she had stolen and then crawl into my bed and pass out. I used to scream at my dad to come get her out of my room so I could finish my homework and go to sleep for school the next day. It’s a miracle the woman didn’t kill anyone on her drives home." ~ emotionallyallergic
"My dad and I were at an airshow in Toronto in the 90s. We watched this huge plane go up and do a maneuver, and then go into a dive, going nose first into the lake, with a massive splash. My dad was a photographer and had managed to capture the seconds before and after impact, and told me we had to go right away (he booked it to the newspaper with the film roll to get it developed). I said I wanted to watch the rest of the show, because I thought it had just dropped a bomb and flown off. Didn't realize that I had just witnessed 7 people die." ~ nothing_fits
"When I was in elementary school, I became close friends with a family that had children similar in age to me. I only ever saw them at school with their mom and my dad. The oldest daughter and son couldn't stand me and I never knew why, so I would cry and talk to my dad about it and he would reassure me that they did in fact like me."
"During this time, we had a landline at the house and I happened to pick it up one day and heard my dad on the other line with the mom of that family. He was talking about giving her roses and spending time with her. When I asked my dad who that was, because it clearly wasn't my mom, he disconnected all the landlines in the house."
"Turns out, he was absolutely cheating on my mom with this woman and I was inadvertently involved by becoming their friends. Was a pretty sh*t situation in the end." ~ InsomniacCats
"My friend had a lock on the outside of her bedroom door. I thought it was weird but didn't really think much about it. It turned out her parents would literally lock her in her room for long periods of time as punishment." ~ katiegaga87
That's a lot. I was hoping for a few light hearted moments, but as always, life is darker than usual.
"My older brother overdosing, always thought it was normal. Throughout my life (I’m 20) I’ve saved him from dying maybe 3 times I can remember. Always put him in his side, never called the cops. All of my brothers and sister have seen it happen. If he were to die tomorrow I don’t think I could cry, as I’ve cried to many times over his death and… he ended up living. He’s still alive, currently in a sober home." ~ srcapp-
"Lived in a townhouse. In my bedroom at night I would hear the kids next door scream and scream and cry. My parents called the police once, but the man claimed he was 'playing with his kids' and didn't let them in & apparently the police couldn't do anything. Found out when I was older that the man had later tried to kill the whole family, kids, baby included, with a pair of scissors." ~ hokusmouse
"I saw a small child being smothered under a sort of beanbag/giant soft-play thing? facedown in a indoor play area sandpit, other very small children were all playing and jumping on it without realising someone was under it myself included. I was about 5 and the rest of the children were the same age or younger."
After some time an adult noticed and pulled him out unconscious, a women was screaming presumably the mother and i remember the kid being worked on by a doctor or paramedic I’m guessing. I remember my dad asking me very calmly if I saw what happened."
"I’m actually too afraid to bring this up with my parents because i have no idea if the kid died or not or how that might have affected them all these years, as it’s never been brought up. for whatever reason it’s been on my mind lately." ~ doublespiral
"My parents fighting. Whoever was losing would say to me 'I’m going to run away and kill/drown myself if mummy/daddy don’t stop shouting. I can’t take it anymore' and then proceed to leave the house. They’re both still alive and in hindsight I don’t know if they ever meant what they said but now I’m about to have a child of my own I can’t EVER imagine doing that to a child, let alone my own child." ~ allhailsmoothie
The lesson learned? Everyone get a therapist!
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Thanksgiving: It's a holiday that often brings up a lot of drama. As every holiday season rolls around, we muster up the energy and the courage to go back to our family's and in-law's homes to try and enjoy a meal together.
If you've every had a strained relationship with a family member, this is usually the time where the tension spills over like the gravy from the tureen.
On TikTok, people are joking about how they chose to purposefully ruin thanksgiving for their family. Some are deciding they don't want to celebrate it all together.
Redditor TheInward07 asked:
"What was your thanksgiving drama this year?"
We want the juicy details.
"My 21-year old sister will graduate from college in less than a month. My brother congratulated her on being the first person in our family to graduate college without getting pregnant."
"Turns out that's not true. She started sobbing and got in her car and drove away. Whoops."
"I have a history of saying sh*t to someone at exactly THE WRONG moment in that person's life. I can relate..."
She wanted to reconcile.
"My mom, who I've been no contact with for most of my life, said she wanted to reconcile and please come to Thanksgiving so she could see her grandson. She wasn't there when we arrived, and told my sister that she didn't want to have dinner with us."
"Literally nobody cared, and we had a great Thanksgiving without her. Honestly dodged a bullet."
"It sounds so ridiculous but I think that situations like this are sometimes about control. If OP instigated no-contact and took that control away from the parent, this might be their way of re-asserting their dominance? Kind of like 'You don't want to see me? Ha, I don't want to see you.'"
"Narcissists are a**holes."
"The gravy was a war crime. The plastic cooking utensil melted into it. I was the first to find out."
"'I wonder where that spoon went, whatever.'"
Beggars can't be choosers.
"My thanksgiving dinner was me, my parents, and my younger sister. Just the four of us at my parents' home."
"Mom got a text message from my aunt (mom's sister) about how grandma (mom's mom) was badmouthing the food she made and talking about how her boys (mom and aunt's brothers) can't be expected to eat this stuff. Mom texted aunt back with, 'Tell her that guests don't get to complain about free food, they just get to choose if they want to eat or not.'"
"Apparently aunt took this advice, because about 20 minutes later mom got several texts and voicemails (she didn't answer her phone) about how aunt kicked people out early and how mom 'ruined thanksgiving' by telling aunt to say that."
"This is why we stopped going to family thanksgivings, by the way."
"Mom’s the hero there!"
"And great job aunt for sticking up for herself and kicking them out."
Grandma and Grandpa were a little chaotic.
"Father in law got drunk, took his shirt off and then arm wrestled my son (lost). Then tried to tackle his daughter (my wife) (also lost). Everyone is worried grandma has dementia but for some reason she made a 'pie.' Everyone ate it and pretended it was pie. Not sure what to call it; it was in a pie pan, there was no crust. It had apples."
"Deconstructed apple pie."
"There we go! Grandma doesn’t have dementia, she’s just a hipster."
He wouldn't move his car.
"Had to call a tow truck on some teenager (friend of front neighbor's kid) because he wouldn't move his car that was blocking my mom's driveway."
"She told him to move it since she needed to get something for dinner, he answered that he shouldn't had to move it because it's a public street."
"I go get the stuff and then get home, I again tell him to move it because I want to park up the driveway. Shouts at me that I can find parking up the street."
"Now he has no car for Thanksgiving and cop gave him a ticket."
"What an a**hole and a dipsh*t. Anyone with half a brain and a driver's license could tell you you can't block a driveway."
"Sorry, best we can do is no brain and half a driver's license."
He got left at the bar.
"My kids got hammered Wed night, one got left at the bar and walked 3 miles to get home. I woke up 3 am and saw that one kid was missing so I called him. He was still a mile from home so I drove to get him. When I got to him the police were questing him. Said they had a report of a man with a weapon having a mental health crisis. Luckily they got another call and let my doofus go home with me."
"A long time ago I got really drunk at a bar and when it was time to go home I walked for 2 hours to a house I hadn't lived in for over 5 years. It was getting light by that time and I stopped in the driveway realizing I didn't live there any more and turned around and walked back for 2 hours to my apartment near the bar I had been at. This was 25 years before Uber existed. So yeah, young drunk people do stupid things."
Last minute hosting.
"The power went out at the host's house and I ended up cooking and hosting at the last minute."
"This happened to a bunch of people in San Diego today. Something like 5k homes had power shut off due to fire risk."
"Happened to me. We just barbecued instead it was super chill."
"When life hands you lemons, throw’em on the grill too."
Many have decided that Thanksgiving isn't worth it, especially after knowing the history to this gruesome holiday.
Some are opting for a Friendsgiving instead of clashing with family. Sometimes the drama just isn't worth it.
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