I can't get high anymore. I'm too old. I get exhausted and fall asleep mostly. So I need to stay sober to get my best ideas. I will say a few vodkas have stoked some inspiration but one too many sips and I'm useless again.
But I know a lot of people who give into their awakening after a few puffs or sips and they write Pulitzers, or pen Hall of Fame songs or crack government code.
Adele has said she wrote all of '21' drunk and most painters will tell you their greatest works were born of colors that popped while under the influence. I'm jealous. But however the work is born works--as long as it's born.
Redditoru/the-juiciest-jewwanted to hear about the brilliance that awakens in all of us when we dabble in some out of the box recreations, by asking:
Stoners of Reddit, what's the best idea you've come up with while stoned?
I think the best idea I ever had after a few long drags of some potent Mary Jane was to dance off some life drama to Madonna. I was sad and then... Madonna. Always a good idea.
Career Goals
excited making money GIF by HULUGiphy"To go back to school and become a Horticulturist so I could work in legal weed. I did it!"
Changes
"Legally change my last name to match my grandfather's who basically stepped up and acted as my dad my whole life. Being in his mid nineties, he's notoriously hard to shop for as material things don't mean much to him anymore. He was honored!"
"That's so awesome! My last name is my maternal grandpas too and not many people have our family last name anyway so I'm really glad I have it."
Back to School
"Drank too many beers and smoked one night with a buddy, and the next day we were both enrolled back in college after taking years off. Both got our degrees within the next two years. Doubt I would have ever went back if it wasn't for that night."
"I had a fiancé that cheated on me with a paramedic. I was very upset, hurt and pissed off. But I would've taken her back. In an effort to show that I was as good as that guy."
"I enrolled in the fire academy and graduated and then I went to EMT school. I was hired by a large metropolitan fire department. And five years ago after 30 years I retired. I never got her back but I got a great job that never seemed like a job and great retirement and besides that after thinking about it forget that witch!"
Impulses...
"I like to, on occasion, impulse buy in the snack isle while stoned, then put all the stuff away as soon as I'm home, then get more stoned. The idea is to be stoned and forget that bit happened and then later, I'd remember that I had awesome snacks and it feels like Christmas."
- HaZaaR_
Pop!
Erykah Badu Hat GIF by Soul TrainGiphy"What if I invented a hat that could store a windbreaker in it? So if it starts to rain I just flick the hat and a water proof jacket pops out!"
Well that all sounds like a wealth of good ideas. Anything that gets people back to school and learning is a plus.
Roll-Up
Butter GIF by BTS 방탄소년단Giphy"Roll-up butter. Basically a glue stick or chapstick tube of butter that you roll up to apply to toast. Turned out the Japanese had already beaten me to it."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Say I Do!
"I once got myself ordained as a minister during a break up and paid the extra for the certificate. It came to the house I was moving out of because my ex and I broke up. I picked up my mail and couldn't figure out what it was, so as my ex sat on the couch, I opened it. I then jokingly asked her to marry me because I knew a guy who could do the ceremony cheap. It turns out, it's not valid in most of Canada, including my province, unless I petition the court or something, which I wasn't about to do."
- Blazanar
Higdeas!
"A large boat that bakes donuts and sells them at ripoff prices on credit to seafaring recreationals."
- fourdac
"I had a similar highdea, a food truck/convenience store that goes to beaches in summer. Here in NZ even popular beaches can be quite isolated, so if you forget something you're buggered. A truck selling pies and lighters would go a long way."
Home
"Sitting on my porch one evening, I remembered my car was on empty. I figured I'd drive to the gas station down the street so I wouldn't have to rush in the morning. The weather was really nice and I thought "man, I should just walk there."
"This sort of happened to my friend's younger brother. He was high and decided to drive to the gas station 2 blocks away to get some snacks."
"Problem was he was so high and that he always walked to the place, so he walked back home. He forgot and the next day he called my friend and his mom asking if they borrowed his car and ended up filing a police report. I don't know who found it but it made me laugh."
Vaderways...
"Vadergrams. When you like somebody and you want to give them something but you have no excuse, you send a vadergram. A guy dressed up as Darth Vader goes and delivers a present and says "happy birthday" and they say "But it isn't my birthday," and dude says "I have altered the birthday - pray I do not alter it any further" and walks away."
Awake Meals
insomnia GIFGiphy"A cereal called Insomniacs. Think kind of like Lucky Charms but the marshmallows (stars, moons, and suns) are little yummy melatonins."
Cravings
- Get a stainless steel double walled ice cream bowl. Yes, you need one.
- Pour in a cup of frozen, pitted cherries.
- Add a cup of cereal. Frosted mini wheats are perfect for this. Even unsweetened cereals work well.
- Top up with cold milk and stir.
- Wait just long enough for the cherries to partially defrost and for the milk to get really, really cold.
- Enjoy… each bite should have cereal and a cherry."
"I crave this more than ice cream at times, sober or faded, and it's better for you. If you make it right, you feel a delightful cold sensation in your palate, esophagus, chest and stomach without ever getting an ice cream headache. Poor man's bingsu parfait."
While watching South Park
"Watching South Park, I decided that (most) social media is high risk low reward and I'd rather be blissfully ignorant. It's tremendously improved my happiness. I say most bc reddit, to me doesn't count. I'm more of a lurker and liker and my algorithm on here only shows me happy things and memes. Some times I won't understand memes because I've removed myself from how I was receiving news. Some times I feel kinda behind but I always feel happier than I used to looking at everyone's garbage."
Best of Wendy's
"Used to work at a Wendy's where pretty much all the employees were lethally stoned at any given time especially those of us who usually worked closing. Anyway one particularly slow day we just went out to the parking lot and smoked a joint and then came back inside and made baconator fries but put literally every cheese in the store in them and a ton more bacon and mix them up in one of the salad cartons. It was great."
Winner Winner
Giphy"A game show totally based on lies. You have like 4 contestants, 2 two have totally made up personas, 1 just has a weird lifestyle/career, and the last one has to figure out which one is telling the truth. Also cheesy bacon tater tots."
Dried Up
"Once while high, I thought about dried fruit. I love dried apples, pears, nectarines, etc. but no one sold dried grapes. I kept thinking about it and how good they would probably be. Sober me remembered raisins."
Yeah, why do raisins suck so much? I could never make sense of it. The source material is dope but something gets lost in the translation..."
Complex and Compelling
"I do some of my best work high. Recently I wrote a highly technical software and biochemistry manual high. I get really in the zone with "take complex info and find good ways to structure and present it" stuff for some reason. Super nerdy, but "get high and build the world's best spreadsheet" is very compelling to me."'
- CanRova
The main plot is happening to someone else...
"I was baked & playing Skyrim, realized just how satisfying hours of side quests can be. I want an RPG that is all side quests. The main plot is happening to someone else. Your primary focus is to bring that nice old lady some flowers, or to clear trolls from a cave. Let the other guy deal with the big bad demons or war or whatever, you've got an errand to run for the shopkeep."
"You do get affected by the war etc, a bridge blew out so you have to take another route, supplies are low so prices are climbing and you have to really hunt for things, you overhear people in town complaining about burnt fields or having fearful conversations in the pub. Every now and then you'll see a dude in crazy armor sprint by, but mostly you're just going about your day. If it was done right, I'd play tf out of that game."
Smell it Up
Stop Motion Christmas GIF by Cosmic TeaGiphy"An artificial Christmas tree with a plug for pine scented plug ins. So all the smell with none of the mess."
Aren't all cereals made for insomniacs? Like who hasn't snarfed down Cocoa Pebbles at 3am? Keep puffing y'all, and then head to shark tank.
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There are rules in life where people are expected to just know how to operate without being told.
For instance, if someone falls down... help them.
When you like a sweater in a store... get money to buy it.
Just leaving with it won't go over well.
And there are more rules, or guidelines to adhere to...
Redditor christygl7 wanted to hear about what is expected in people's homes without words, so they asked:
"What's an unwritten rule in your household?"
If you have to pee... lift the seat cover.
The people in Port Authority always miss that one.
Routine
Cleaning Chores GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"Either my wife or I can do any chore when noticed. We thank each other for routine chores as we appreciate each other."
cwsjr2323
"That’s how my fiancée and I handle chores. Whoever’s around when the core needs to be done does the chore, typically. I find she does more regular cleaning of the whole apartment while I do more dishes and cooking."
radtech91
Trashed
"Replacing the trash bag IS PART OF taking out the trash."
UndiagnosedReptard
"Similar to this, in my house, the rule is if the toilet paper ended on your turn (or there’s barely enough for the next person) then it is your job to procure the next roll and put it in the bathroom. It is NOT acceptable to let it run out for the next person."
wavesnfreckles
"We have extra stored in every bathroom. I make sure of it. However, if it runs low/out on the roll, my wife will 100% of the time take the new roll and set it on top of the empty tube on the spindle, refusing to replace it. I actually called her over and shamed her into changing it in front of me the other night (not in an abusive way - we were both laughing about it)."
on_the_nightshift
Finder's Keepers
"If you find money in the laundry while you are doing the laundry, it's yours."
Rich1926
"Yep. My boyfriend learned that lesson the hard way when we first started living together. He had a bad habit of just crumpling up bills in a big wad in his pocket, usually just ones, but sometimes he accidentally leaves a twenty in there. I tipped myself the twenty. It took him a couple of days of trying to figure out where it went before I took pity on him and told him."
"He now both turns out his pockets and washes his own clothes. I still find the occasional single dollar in the dryer."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
Dropped something?
"If food is dropped on the floor it becomes the property of the dog. The dog knew this rule before we did."
Altruistic-Bit-9766
"That was one of the hardest things after our family dog died. Dropped something? Who cares! Riley will get it. But then he didn’t."
"Also, I don’t live at home anymore but coming home to him barking and crying out of excitement and greeting me always made my day and I looked forward to it every time I opened the door and could hear him wiggling in excitement on the side hahaha. It’s a little less exciting coming home now."
ohno807
Obligations...
Water Stay GIF by Kinda FunnyGiphy"If the water you take from the Brita pitcher leaves what’s left below a certain line, you are obligated to refill the pitcher on penalty of death."
halcyon3608
If you stay in my home and don't refill the Brita pitcher...
I'm setting your hair on fire at 3 AM!!!
Flushed
Go Away Pink GIF by HacklockGiphy"Check the toilet after you flush."
NANNYNEGLEY
"This. My brother-in-law never does this. It's annoying and disgusting! You don't want to clean up after yourself because you think it's gross? How do you think it makes me feel to clean up after you?"
purplestarsinthesky
WAKE UP!
"Wake someone up if their alarm goes off. It's a pretty weird one but setting up alarms is a conscious and deliberate decision for all of us and you want to wake up when it goes off, so we just help each other out."
DonMartiniMacaroni
"I'll do this a few times, but my roommate needs to learn not to hit snooze because he's taught his body that alarms don't need to be woken up to. I don't wake him up anymore. He started waking up to them."
stumblinbear
"I’ll wake them up because it annoys me when people snooze especially if I’m next to them in the bed and I don’t have to get up."
chill90ies
No Exceptions!
"Shoes off at the door. No exceptions."
Next-Dark-4975"
"Shoes-on people must not be using the same public bathrooms that I do. 100% of them have a lake of dirty urine in front of the urinal. They must also be amazing at finding two urine-free spots that are shoe-sized on the shores of said lake. It’s fine if they want to bring that into their homes. It’s not allowed in mine, though."
Bmadray
Table Manners
"No tech at the table."
"Even with a teenage daughter this has proved eerily easy; we all love food though!!"
"Also murder is out of the question, it is non-negotiable. If any of us kills another then they are outlawed in the true sense."
"Other than this, we are pretty cool."
Dante2005
Woof
Well Done Applause GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Let the dog out to go potty before you use the restroom. (Seriously, the dog is asking to go out and you think she can wait while you take a 30-minute poop first? Not cool.)"
InfiniteBackspace
Always let the dogs go first.
If you wait, you won't like the surprise they leave!
Sometimes we look at a product and think "who would buy that, and why?"
For me the "Flowbee" home haircutting tool comes to mind. If you're unfamiliar, it's a shaver you attached to your vacuum cleaner so you hair was pulled past cutting blades.
It was sold on late night infomercials in the 1990s.
Who wouldn't want to style their hair like this?
As fabulous as that looks, results did vary with most veering toward "yikes!" yet by 2000 the company reported 2 million were sold.
And *surprise* you can still buy one—for about $150.
It seems no matter how bad a product is, someone will buy it.
