Your friends will always remember you when you were at your best, your worst, and your downright silly.
Don't believe us? I still have friends that remind me of that time I thought it was a good idea to shave my legs. It's not that there was anything wrong with that per se, it's that I was itchy as hell for close to a week. Did I mention that the itch would get unbearable at the most unfortunate times?
I'll spare you the remaining details, as this is not about me, as much as you'd like it to be, Constant Reader.
After Redditor xomega asked the online community, "What is something that your friends still make fun of you about even though it happened forever ago?" many weighed in with their tales of embarrassment.
"I have a friend..."
I have a friend who looked like Jesus back in high school. We all still message him on Christmas Eve to wish him a happy birthday.
"Turns out blood..."
I had severe eczema as a kid. Used to bleed all over the place.
Friend had black lights in his basement - I was over there all the time, one day was super hot in the summer and I wanted to change my shirt.
Turns out blood shows up in black lights - My whole body basically looked like it was glowing white.
He called me "firefly" for a while.
"I popped up real quick..."
"Am I still pretty?" Black out drunk with friends, we decided to walk and get more snacks. A friend told me she would give me a piggyback ride so I ran at her back at jumped. She wasn't ready and fell forwards, resulting in me awkwardly going over her, landing on the pavement and sliding on my face. I popped up real quick, felt at the blood on my face, and shouted out, full of panic to my friends, "AM I STILL PRETTY?" I looked like I had barely survived a car accident. I was not pretty in that moment but my friends all kindly assured me I was still beautiful as they drunkenly applied first aid. This was years ago, we all went our separate ways but i still hear it every time I run into them in our small city. I healed up nicely with a small scar.
"When you discover..."
When you discover a spider with some weight is crawling across your face, you may make an involuntary noise. If that noise happens to be high pitched, you don't want to be around my friends if you never want to hear about it again.
"The best I could come up with..."
In my 2nd year of middle school, in French class, we had to do short conversations with groups of 2-3 people in front of the class. I had to do my conversation with this girl that I didn't really know and with who I barely talked. We had prepared the entire conversation because we were still allowed to back then. The conversation was just someone passing by the supermarket and talking to a cashier. I knew in advance (or at least I thought I knew) what she was going to ask, which was something about the weather, so in my head I already had the sentence I would have to respond ready.
So.. Then it was our turn. We go to the front of the class. The nerves were killing me, but everything was going to be alright because I knew what I had to say. Suddenly the girl I was doing the dialogue with asks me "Ca va bien?" which means "How are you". This was not how I planned it to go. It's a simple question but it really threw me off, so I started getting really nervous and I just couldn't think of the right words for a response. LITERALLY A WHOLE MINUTE OF ME SAYING "ERM" PASSES before the girl I was doing the dialogue with asks, in the middle of the dialogue, "Can I go to the restroom?". Meanwhile I still didn't have my answer ready, and I still didn't when she came back probably almost 5 minutes later.
The best I could come up with was "Bien", which isn't even a full answer, it should have been "Ca va bien" or something like that. So to this day my friends still answer with "Bien" when someone asks them how they are doing.
"We had just redone..."
GiphyWhen I was 12, my friend and I were FaceTiming on my iPod touch. We had just redone my kitchen, and I was placing the iPod in all the new cabinets so she could see them. Then got the brilliant idea to put the iPod in my microwave, and then turn it on. Yeah, not sure what went through my brain that day. That was 8 years ago now and she still brings it up when we meet someone new.
"To this day..."
When I was around ten years old, so fifteen years ago, my school had its traditional school disco. For some reason I thought drinking as many cups of the free lemonade as possible would make me really cool. Over the course of what could have only been a couple of hours, I drank somewhere between twenty and thirty of those small plastic cups (like, 7oz/200ml cups) of lemonade, threw up everywhere, and had to leave. To this day I don't know why I did that, and my oldest friends still bring it up.
"When I was 18..."
When I was 18 and a Freshman in college I heat up a pop tart in the microwave. Turns out when you do this, especially if you microwave it for a long time, the goo inside turns to boiling lava. I pulled that sucker out and it disintegrated and some of the boiling goo got on my thumb resulting in a pretty severe second degree burn. It's been 17 years and on a weekly basis I am still endlessly mocked.
"It wasn't too long ago..."
It wasn't too long ago, almost a year since it happened. I was in my last year of secondary school, and my family decided to move house about 6 miles away, so sometimes I would take the train with my mate in the mornings to get to school.
One day, I ring my friend on the way to the station and she got on an earlier train than our usual one, so I waited for that one and would have met her once I got there. I see a train approach, and due to extreme anxiety I assume this is the one.
But when the doors close and the train starts going, I notice this one has less coaches than it should. So I ask the guy next to me "Does this train go to (my destination)" and he goes "No, this goes to (other place)."
I'm panicked. I get off at the next stop and had to wait to get the train back to where I was then finally get where I wanted to go. I missed the whole of my first period in school. My friends pissed themselves when I explained why. And to this day, even after school finished, they mention to "get the right one this time" and basically laugh loads.
I never took another train to school after this incident.
"Literally was just eating..."
My friends still make jokes about me using a can of peanut butter to pleasure myself with because they saw a can of of peanut butter next to my computer. Literally was just eating a snack of apples and peanut butters, and I've been putting up with the joke for 8 years...
How to lose a job in 10 seconds.
Now, that sounds like a fun show to watch.
It is astonishing how fast people can lose their jobs.
Some people really need to learn how to actually exist at a job.
You'd think it'd be simple... but no.
Redditor Quintowne wanted to hear about all of the ways some employees have been let go, so they asked:
"What is the fastest way you've seen someone get fired?"
With many years in food service under my belt, I've had more co-workers than Mars, Incorporated has made M&M's.
So many were gone by the end of shift one.
Secrets
Car Police GIF by BabylonBeeGiphy"New person got access to the medical records system. Week 2 - Looked up our boss and bragged about it. Was walked out and gone the second week."
JenntheGreat13
Okay. Bye.
"My first job was in a small grocery store and my boss asked a coworker to do the dishes in the bakery (baking pans, etc). She replied: 'I only do my own dishes, somebody else put these here so I’m not doing them. I’m serious. Fire me if you want, I won’t do them.'"
"Boss says 'Okay then, don’t bother finishing your shift, goodbye!'"
Selios2112
Sticky Fingers
"First day at work, hired by a temp agency. Me and one other guy, we put stuff in boxes and tape them shut, stack boxes on a pallet. He can't keep up, can barely use a tape gun, and decides it's time for a break. Goes to the lunch room and takes a lunch. It was the boss's lunch, he stole the guy's meal his wife prepared for him. The boss man came over 15 minutes later and wanted to know who ate his BBQ, sticky fingers, and BBQ on his shirt he denied it. I just looked at him and the Boss and said well I hope it was good man."
BigNotGay420
He Was Warned
"Worked at an ISP back in the 90s and had a guy working late shift. Found out quickly he wasn't answering the phone at all, but just playing video games. He was warned. The next day he walks in to work with a Voodoo2 graphics card to install in his work computer to improve the game playing. Fired before he sat down."
Beestung
"Oh Gawd, just reading the word voodoo brought out a flash of memories I buried."
calamnet2
Oh Willy
wet willy martial arts GIFGiphy"First day on the job, gave another coworker a wet-willy. Sh*t you not."
themoistdonut
I have never understood this wet willy thing.
Completely disgusting.
Who even came up with it?
Loopholes
Angry Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Had a coworker explain to our supervisor how he found this great loophole for making extra money: if a customer had exact change, he’d just pocket the cash and cancel the order on the register."
DudebroggieHouser
On the Spot
"Had a supervisor start selling Amway from his office, hinted at favorable treatment for anyone who would buy. Reported him to HR--and when they asked if it was true, he pulled out a catalog and tried to sell them something. Fired on the spot."
walkingknight
"I did customer support at a software company that sold to other businesses, and every one of us had one customer that we hated a hell of a lot more than any other. The guy who sat next to me hated Amway."
MajorNoodles
"A high school friend's dad offered me a job with his company after I graduated, it was 'Do the interview and then go to work.' The interview consisted of a five-minute spiel about the company and a 45-minute Amway sales pitch with the understanding that if I didn't agree to sell Amway for him, I wouldn't get the job. Dad called me a couple of days later wondering to know why I didn't take the job. I started to work at about the same time the former interviewer stopped working there."
m945050
$100
"Half an hour. Working in Arby's, a new girl shows up. They run her through how to work the cash register on a few dummy orders. She takes a real order or two and then it gets slow. She asked to duck out for a minute to smoke and never came back. Register ended up being $100 short that day."
AaronKMartinez
"Always smart to rob a place after giving them your name and address."
Bobby_Newpooort
Hangover
"The guy responsible for opening the shop on Saturday morning went out and got blitzed on Friday night. We showed up to work to find his car in the lot but the doors locked. He didn't answer his phone. Had to call the owner in to get us inside. The guy was fast asleep, under his desk. He was gone before you could say hangover."
davisherm
The Eagle
"I was on a new team hired for corporate sales. They trained us as a group. We were given the task of creating a presentation with graphs and charts to show how we presented to a group and given pointers on how to improve. One guy shows up an hour late, waltzes in, and says he’s tired from the drive-in and says he needs a coffee before settling in. We are in suit and tie, and he’s wearing a dress shirt with a huge eagle on the front and jeans."
"He comes back a few minutes later, and when asked to present, he says he didn’t prepare anything, but he’s happy to answer any questions they may have about presentations. We all looked at each other in disbelief. Fired on the spot by the Manager. I heard that they asked him to return his laptop, and he stiffed them for months before they sent a repo man to his door to pick it up."
WildBillyBoy33
Buh-Bye
jumping episode 11 GIFGiphy"A colleague let a middle school kid drive the bus. Buh-bye!"
Useful_Exchange3583
"When I was in middle and high school they hired students with driver's licenses to drive the busses. This was in the 80's."
Calypso_gypsie
My school bus drivers were all nuts.
I always thanked GOD when I got home in one piece.
Different regions around the world are known for specific foods and customs.
In the United States, each state becomes officially and unofficially known for certain things.
Like if you think of Pennsylvania you might think cheesesteaks or the Amish. Nevada might bring thoughts of gambling.
California might evoke beaches or Hollywood. Alaska is known for it's wilderness and fishing industry.
If you say Florida Man you associate batsh*t escapades in the news, transphobia and book bans—we're looking at you, Ron.
Each state has their own flag, motto, bird, flower and in some cases an animal or food.
The Maine Coon cat is the official state cat of Maine.
Bee Felten-Leidel on Unsplash
So what if all the states held a big party and everyone brought what they're known for?
Reddit user Jacob4L posited:
"America is having a house party. What does your state bring and do?"
All Y'all
"North Carolina: We show up as twins, one brings pulled pork with Eastern NC sauce, the other shows up with ribs covered in Western NC sauce. We proceed to get drunk on shine and argue bitterly over which is better."
"Our little brother (South Carolina) shows up with some grilled chicken covered in mustard based sauce, and we forget our argument and gang up on him for being a complete disappointment to the family."
~ notmy2ndacct
"South Carolina brings a Bible and spends the first part of the evening preaching and the last part getting drunk and fighting about BBQ sauce."
~ Tinker107
"Tennessee. We bring whisky, a guitar for a sing-a-long and Dolly Parton."
~ rhapsody98
Giphy"Virginia: Eastern Virginia will bring chips with that white sauce that confuses so many people."
"Central Virginia will bring tons of different craft beers and wine."
"Northern Virginia will bring company-branded fleece vests to hand out as party favors."
"I got no idea what goes on in the western part of the state, to be honest."
~ FalloutRip
"Western Virginia? Moonshine."
~ Capable-Pepper-860
"Georgia brings several party trays of fried chicken and waffles as well as an obscene volume of IPA beers."
"Spends the evening standing around the trucks outside with Alabama, Tennessee, the Carolinas, Florida, and Mississippi talking about mudding, camping, fishing, and hip-hop."
~ DoTheRustle
"Louisiana here. We will bring crawfish, gator bites and beer. It’s the best we can do."
~ Any_Load_7400
"Florida dances on the table, but falls off and puts a hole in the wall."
~ VkingMD
"We bring Florida man, he brings national news coverage."
~ 7ordank
"Alabama?"
"We’ll bring the folding chairs."
~ streety22
"Kentucky—we come in riding a horse. We bring Kentucky fried chicken, good bourbon and tobacco. After the bourbon we drink mint julips."
~ My_Space_page
"West Virginia brings the couch to burn on the porch."
~ MisnthropicPeplPrsn
"West Virginia will definitely bring pepperoni rolls."
~ amyayou
Go West
"We bring cheese dip! It was invented in Little Rock, Arkansas! Then we call the Hogs!"
~ clm1020
"Arkansas. Gon' bring possum stew and cheese dip, then insist on saying grace."
~ flatcurve
"My state has a state meal, so I'm apparently bringing all the things: 'The official state meal of Oklahoma consists of fried okra, cornbread, barbecue pork, squash, biscuits, sausage and gravy, grits, corn, strawberries (state fruit), chicken fried steak, pecan pie, and black-eyed peas'."
~ mcorbett76
"Texas. We'll bring Barbecue Beef Brisket and all the guns & ammo for the shooting events."
~ Exciting_Ad811
"Texas brings steaks and a Bible for everyone. Then proceeds to let your 9 year old play with their gun."
~ Chadwickr
Giphy"Eeeeee! New Mexico shows up late with his homies in a low rider and brings several 30 packs of Bud Light. Then his abuela brings some green chile enchiladas and biscochitos for dessert."
~ VK56xterraguy
"Arizona, We'll bring Sonoran dogs and tequila and turn the thermostat to 110º."
"¡Orale!"
~ GhostofEdgarAllanPoe
"Nevada. Gambling and hookers baby!"
~ raidernation0825
Giphy"Colorado is bringing weed and also bringing the psychedelic mushrooms. We’re pretty much the best party guest anyone could ask for."
~ runthebrews
"Utah brings the Jell-O and turn their nose up to all the sinners."
~ InHouseDriveBy
Pacific Coast Vibes
"Oregon would bring weed, craft beer, and Tillamook cheddar with crackers."
~ honvales1989
"Alaska. We are driving down and I’m gonna beat up Texas (who’s been telling everyone they’re the biggest guy)."
"Also I’m gonna tell everyone I like Hawaii, but Hawaii is gonna say 'I barely know Alaska'."
"Washington is our friend. Washington always lets us come over and hang out."
~ SpiritualCat842
"Washington and Alaska. Both would probably bring salmon, crab and Indigenous dancing."
~ MabezJK
Giphy"California is hosting the party and paying for everything you damn cheapskates."
~ rextremendae2007
"From Hawaii we bring lau lau, Kalua pork, hula and aloha!"
~ No_Communication4252
"Hawaii, can you bring spam masubi too?"
~ coldfry
GiphyHead Back East
"A drunken Montanian riding a horse inside, with a plate of Rocky mountain oysters."
~ 1d0m1n4t3
"Idaho. We're bringing the potato salad, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, potato chips, potato bread, French fries, tater tots, and vodka."
~ teethalarm
Did anyone remember to invite Wyoming?
"South Dakota will just be outside on its Harley drunk, revving the engine trying to impress chicks until 3am keeping the neighbors awake."
~ ILikeTuwtles91
"The Juicy Lucy. 100 years ago Minnesota discovered you can put cheese inside the hamburger and we've been riding that high ever since."
"Please talk to us we're surrounded by corn and Wisconsin."
~ NsaAgent25
"Iowa. A couple of cases of Busch Light, corn and the Pork Producers trailer grill to start grilling chops. We spend the entire night with Minnesota and Wisconsin making fun of Nebraska."
~ baronvonhawkeye
"Nebraska shows up with a massive Snickers Salad in an old, gallon-sized ice cream bucket and a 30-rack of Busch 'Lattes' shouting 'GOOOOOOO BIIIIIIIIIIIG REEEEEDDDDD' in the blind faith that someone, somewhere will respond 'GOBIGRED!!!' And they will. They will."
~ SunNecessary3222
Giphy"North Dakota is bringing lefse, rolled with butter and sugar."
"And you’re all gonna love it!"
~ TalkKatt
"Wisconsin. I show up undetectably drunk. I bring Cannibal Sandwiches which is ostensibly raw ground beef on white buns."
"I'll have a better time talking to your grampa than any of you and I'll sneak out the back door when I'm ready to leave so that I don't hafta say 'bye'."
~ ralph_deadbeet
"Missouri brings toasted ravioli and gooey butter cake, then gets trashed on Boulevard, Logboat, and Schlafly beers, while the under-21s have Fitz's and Vess."
"Also, a fistfight with Kansas breaks out and Branson plays country music."
~ ElectricalSelf72
"Kansas. We bring bread. We stand in the middle of the party but everyone ignores us except to make jokes about The Wizard of Oz. Unless it's March, when suddenly everyone wants to talk sh*t about our basketball teams."
"At some point we'll get in a fight with Missouri, but we will throw down with anyone who attacks Missouri when the inevitable BBQ war starts."
~ Chipothy
GiphyHome of Industry
"Michigan. We bring coney dogs, ginger-ale, and superman ice cream (you're welcome)."
"What do we do? Get drunk, play some Motown, start a fight with Ohio, then get them to join us to help us throw down with California about who had the real music center of America."
"We (us and Ohio) lose, but we spend the rest of the night licking our wounds, commiserating about how much California sucks, and texting Canada trying to coax her to join the party."
~ stillpacing
"Illinois. Probably bring the Malort, Italian beef, deep dish pizza, and hot dogs with mustard, onions, green relish, diced tomatoes, and sport peppers on a sesame seed bun and some celery salt on top."
~ Zeenomorphs
"Indiana brings some big a** tenderloins, plays cornhole the whole time, and takes 90 minutes to say goodbye."
~ jquadman
"Ohio’s party contribution is a mixed bag."
"Everyone is obsessed with the Buckeye candies they brought but are so sick and tired of the bragging about OSU national championships from a long time ago every time they go to grab one."
"There is now a hefty supply of Bloody Marys at this party thanks to Ohio bringing a gigantic shipment of its state beverage tomato juice."
"Fortunately, Ohio has also brought Smuckers jam to go on toast when everyone’s hungover in the morning."
~ acurah56oh
"Pennsylvania is the second person to arrive, just behind Delaware. It’s a good thing that PA arrives early, because PA brings the best food items—Turkey Hill Ice Cream, Utz Potato Chips, Hershey’s Chocolate, and Wooder Ice."
"Despite smelling slightly like cow manure, PA is generally liked by the rest of the party attendees, but when the conversation shifts to football, PA suddenly wants to fight everyone else at the party."
~ PantherGk7
"Pennsylvania and Ohio will also bring the Amish—who will build us a shelter for if it rains."
~ Mechanical_IT
GiphyMid-Atlantic In the House
"With an armful of Half Smokes and DCBrau, Washington DC tries to explain to the bouncer that he is not exactly a state but he belongs at the party."
"The bouncer begrudgingly let’s him in after examining his DC drivers license for a full minute and conferring with the other bouncers."
"Once inside he bops his head lightly to the music and tries really hard to restrain himself from asking everyone 'So what do you do?'.”
~ MadGeographer
"Maryland is bringing steamed crabs. But we’re late because we drive 20 miles under the speed limit."
~ veryrealzack
"Delaware: that awkward guy that just shows up first and most people don’t know who he is. But hey we brought drinks for everyone and we won’t tax them."
~ DaddyDankSack
"New Jersey. The best Italian food in the Western Hemisphere. Maybe an old mobster for protection if you know a guy who knows a guy."
~ Redditor
"New York brings pizza and won't shut up about how it is better than everyone else's food and they just HAVE to try it. He also interrupts people and claims he is better than everyone."
"Massachusetts, New Jersey, and the South hate him but California doesn't mind hanging out with him for a little bit."
~ ElectricalSelf72
GiphyNew England
"Vermont, We bring maple syrup, b*tch and moan about all of the out-of-staters that we’re driving to said party, craft beer, and weed."
~ ianwrecked802
"Connecticut brings lobster rolls and weird craft beer and cries because New York and Massachusetts ignore it. Then it goes off and drinks with Rhode Island and is okay."
~ neverquite_free
"Connecticut with airpods in, quietly sitting in between Massachusetts and New York on the couch while they scream at each other about the Red Sox and Yankees."
~ bobby_j_canada
"The great state of Rhode Island brings a crock of seafood chowda and complains about how far we had to drive to get to the party."
~ Sociosmith
"Massachusetts are bringing alcohol, chowder, lobster rolls, and some fluffernutters for those who’s drunk food is sugary. Dunkin’ donuts, munchkins and coffee of course."
"We will also bring our sports superiority complex and argue with everyone about it so everyone will learn why Maine calls us Massholes."
~ Aminilaina
"New Hampshire. We’ll bring lots of liquor from the state-run tax-free liquor stores, and we will spend the party chanting 'Live free or die!' And probably arguing with Massachusetts."
~ ProsciuttoPizza
"Maine rides in on a wicked huge moose with a Dunkin' regular spiked with Allen's Coffee Brandy in one hand and a Tim Horton's double-double in the other. We bring red hot dogs, whoopie pies, Moxie, Humpty Dumpty all-dressed chips and our buddy New Brunswick, Canada so we don't have to talk to New Hampshire."
"We tell the flatlanders wanting lobster we don’t give that away for free—it’s wicked expensive for a reason."
"We'll throw a wicked beat down on Massachusetts after they say for the hundredth time we used to be part of their state and they used 'wicked' to describe everything before we did."
"When it gets wicked dark, Stephen King and Joe Hill show up to scare the crap out of everyone with stories around the bonfire."
~ Redditor
GiphyParty Crashers
"New Brunswick, Canada, Maine's next door neighbour, arrives with enough poutine to feed the multitudes."
~ ClerkTypist
"Quebec, Canada files a noise complaint against their loud neighbour. Ultimately, it's ignored."
~ Underhill
"British Columbia, Canada is the neighbour next door slightly jealous for not getting the invite but also a bit scared to visit because those neighbours can be a bit crazy. California, Washington, Alaska and Oregon finally convince them to come."
~ Jewsd
"Ontario, Canada brings an LCBO 8pk of 8 different craft beers you’ve never heard of, and immediately starts trying to convince New York that Daylight Savings Time is garbage, and bitching about Quebec."
"Alberta, Canada brings steaks, while Saskatchewan, Canada brings home made bread. Both of them spend most of the night hanging out with Texas and start sh*t talking Ontario."
"Manitoba, Canada brings mosquitoes."
"The other Canadian Maritime Provinces—Labrador, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island—show up piss drunk and have a loud and obnoxious conversation amongst themselves, excluding New Brunswick who's too chummy with Maine and Newfoundland just because they're Newfies.
"Newfoundland, Canada brings a cod fish and rum, and insists that everyone present kiss the fish and take a shot."
"Quebec, Canada finally decides to come bringing ridiculously strong beer. Complains about Ontario to anyone who will listen. They try to flirt with Louisiana en Français, but they get weirded out when they realize they’re cousins. Ends up going home with Ontario at the end of the night."
~ Angryhippo2910
"Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut tell the First Nations the colonizers are all gone and they shut down the border before they can come back."
"Then Kaná:ta has a BIG party."
~ LakotaGrl
Giphy"Scotland and Ireland would be taken into the fold with the moonshine and hard liquor group. Everyone would just be sitting around a bonfire passing around sips of the tasty stuff. Each country/province/state has to bring their best storyteller to this fire."
"Don't worry, all of our accents are basically the same when we are drunk. The slang is where things get dicey, but if the storyteller is worth their weight in salt, it's going to be fine."
~ Dr_mombie
"Minnesota will sneak in Norway and Sweden as Cousin Olaf and Cousin Sven. Oof, da!"
~ hablomuchoingles
"Australia shows up already drunk and proceeds to drink all the beer and complain that it's weak as piss. But we did bring party pies and sausage rolls."
~ BonezOz
"The UK is imposing upon the party unannounced. England is intoxicated and attempting to dominate blasé Scotland; Scotland has copious amounts of whiskey to appease America’s indignation at the UK’s indiscretion."
"Wales has rarebits and hovers disconcerted behind Scotland. Northern Ireland brings Irish whiskey and a Bible and strides over to the Bible Belt states for a bit of religious contention."
"England makes everyone cups of tea at 2 hour intervals."
~ VelvetDreamers
"Mexico shows up at around 2AM, seven deep, and with a worm as a mascot."
"Texas immediately picks a fight with them and at the same time tries to get them to share their food."
~ CountMcBurney
Maarten van den Heuvel on Unsplash
It certainly sounds like a wild time.
Do you think your fellow citizens nailed your state?
What would you add?