My step-daughter will be getting married on November 3rd.The wedding planning has consumed most of her and her mother's life (I say hermother because we aren't married, though we've lived together for so years) forthe past six months.
My step-daughter graduated last December fromUniversity. I paid for her to go to college, though it was a state school, itstill ran $4oK. She does not have a job and has been living with us for theduration of her college career and since her graduation. I also bought her acar to get back and forth from school when she finished high school.
From time to time her deadbeat father wouldpop into her life and she would fawn all over him. Although he has notcontributed a cent to her education or paid any child support, though that ismy girlfriend's fault as C.S. was not part of the settlement, she still loveshim and wants him in her life. He stays long enough to break her heart byskipping town and breaking some promise that he made her.
The wedding venue holds 25o people max. I gavethem a list of 20 people that I wanted invited, you know, since I was payingfor everything. They told me that was no problem and they'd take care of it. SoI let these people know they'd be getting an invite and they should save thedate. Saturday, I saw one of my friends on this list at the golf course andasked if he was coming. He told me that he wasn't invited. He told me that hegot an announcement, but not an invitation. He had it in his back seat (alongwith probably six months of mail) and showed it to me. Sure enough, it was justan announcement, and my name was nowhere on it. It had her dad's name and hermom's name and not mine.
This led to a pretty big fight with my GF, asI found out that NONE of my list of twenty "made the cut" for thefinal guest list because "25o people is very tight." I was pissed,but not a hell of a lot I could do because the important people in my life hadalready been offended. My GF said "if some people didn't rsvp yes, I mightbe able to get a couple people in." But that is an ultimate slap in theface in my opinion. So, I was boiling on Saturday.
The wedding venue holds 25o people max. I gave them a list of 20 people that I wanted invited, you know, since I was paying for everything. They told me that was no problem and they'd take care of it. So I let these people know they'd be getting an invite and they should save the date. Saturday, I saw one of my friends on this list at the golf course and asked if he was coming. He told me that he wasn't invited. He told me that he got an announcement, but not an invitation. He had it in his back seat (along with probably six months of mail) and showed it to me. Sure enough, it was just an announcement, and my name was nowhere on it. It had her dad's name and her mom's name and not mine.
This led to a pretty big fight with my GF, as I found out that NONE of my list of twenty "made the cut" for the final guest list because "25o people is very tight." I was pissed, but not a hell of a lot I could do because the important people in my life had already been offended. My GF said "if some people didn't rsvp yes, I might be able to get a couple people in." But that is an ultimate slap in the face in my opinion. So, I was boiling on Saturday.
Yesterday, we had a Sunday dinner with the future in-law'sfamily and us and a surprise guest, the "Real Dad." At this littledinner my step-daughter announced that her "Real Dad" was going to beable to make it to her wedding and that now he'd be able to give her away. Thiswas greeted with a chorus of "Oh how great" and "Howwonderful"s.
I don't think I have ever felt so angry and so disrespected. Iwas shaking. I took a few seconds to gather my composure, because I honestlywasn't sure if I would cry or start throwing punches or both. Once I was sureI'd be able to speak I got up from my chair and said I'd like to make a toast.I can't remember exactly what I said but the gist of it was this:
"I'd like to make a toast." The sound of spoons against glasses ring in my ears. "It has been my great pleasure to be a part of this family for the past ten years." Awe, how sweet. "At this point in my life I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to bride and groom, because they have opened my eyes to something very important." Confident smiles exchanged. "They have showed me that my position in this family is not what I once thought it was." And now a glimmer of confusion and shock begins to spread on the faces in the room. "Though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect and sought out for help in times of need, it seems instead that I hold the position of an ATM, good for a stream of money, but not much else. As I have been replaced as host, both on the invitations and in the ceremony, I am resigning my financial duties as host to my successor, Real Dad. So cheers to the happy couple and the path they have chosen." I finished my drink. "You all can let yourselves out."
Is this selfish? I'm supposed to shell out 40 - 50 grand for a wedding that I can't invite anyone to? That I am not a part of? I'm so done with this crap. I'm done with my step-daughter, I'm done with my GF. I transferred the money out of our joint account last night. (she has not had a job since she moved in with me) This morning I called all the vendors I had written checks to for deposits to refund my money. At present it looks like I'll lose around 150o, for the venue, but the other vendors have been great about refunding.
Share this if you think he did the right thing.
